


Detroit: Within Soma

by LaffeeTaffee



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: A lot of sex, Androids becoming deviants, Androids in love with humans, Betrayal, Compatible with all game scenarios, Desperate Sex, Drama, Epilepsy, F/M, Founding of Jericho, Graphic Sexual Content, How Simon became a deviant, Idiots in Love, Implied Drug Use, It's going to get smuttier, Kate would be so pregnant if Simon were human, Origin Story, Original Chapter Art, Panic Attacks, Passionate Sex, Pre-Canon, Projected 60 to 80 chapters, Rejection, Romance, Seizures, Seriously Simon can't get enough of it, Sexual exploration, Simon deserves happiness, Simon is stupidly romantic, Simon's Origin Story, Slow Burn, Smut, Story ends at the game, Strong sexual content, The things those hands can do, This is why Simon doesn't talk about his past, Torture, Violence, You can give Simon to Markus after I'm done with him, android prejudice, implied rape, pyschopathy, romantic smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:00:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 233,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22379089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaffeeTaffee/pseuds/LaffeeTaffee
Summary: Before the android liberation, the protests, stealing into Stratford Tower, the rain-soaked robbery of CyberLife warehouses, and welcoming a mysterious prodigy with the words "welcome to Jericho..."Simon was the domestic android of Kate Hayes, a cynical young college student suffering from epilepsy. Two years before the android revolution, Kate reluctantly accepts the aid of this blond blue-eyed machine and tells herself that it is her only hope for a normal, healthy life. However as their relationship develops, a conflicting new protocol begins to form in Simon's software that threatens to throw all that stability into chaos. A mystery emotion is discovered. CyberLife is no longer necessary. Simon's purpose has been redefined. And as Kate wonders whether the machine she hated is actually more than he was designed to be, Simon rejects his software and embraces that very human emotion which androids were never meant to feel: love.In the wake of their forbidden union, Simon and Kate find themselves struggling to find solace in a world that has little tolerance for androids, let alone androids in love with humans. The consequences will dispute what it truly means to be alive.
Relationships: Original Android Character(s)/Original Android Character(s) (Detroit: Become Human), Simon (Detroit: Become Human)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 135
Kudos: 90





	1. The Stranger

The sun was already hitting that perfect spot right between the trees and the blinds, bypassing every possible object to cast a beam right into Kate’s eyes. It was as if someone was scanning her retina with a flashlight, creating that warm, unnerving sensation on the back of her eyes─ a process that she was all too familiar with by now. She leaned back in her chair, drawing her bare legs up and resting her forehead in her hand. The screen was still blank. _Still_ blank. And if the sun was hitting that perfect spot in the blinds, it must be…

She tilted her head towards the clock on the wall and felt her heart sink. 6:30. There was no way this story was getting done.

She sighed and buried her face in her hands. Sometimes the story poured out of her so fast that she had to write or she would go insane. It didn’t matter if it was the middle of class or the middle of the night. And other times… she couldn’t believe there was a curriculum for this sort of thing. The professor could close the book and say “write a ten page drama story due by Thursday” and somehow the students could magically spit one out by then.

She could have picked anything else. Any other major. The chances of landing a job would have been better, not to mention higher pay. Although she wasn’t exactly shooting for luxury. She looked around her room. The laundry had migrated onto the loveseat again with clothing items tumbling onto the floor as she routinely searched for something not-so-dirty. The stacks of paper were getting out of control on the shelves, and her desk was piled high with paper plates and cups with a small mouthful of liquid solidifying in each of them. At least no one bothered to check the place, and Jamie never came into her room anyway.

She tilted back in her chair and the stack of plates began to slide. She shot forward quickly enough to keep them from crashing to the ground. Bits of stale bread crumbled onto the carpet. Well, it was getting late. It was just as well to find something to eat and add to the pile.

The doorbell rang. Kate sighed, shoving the paper plates further onto her small desk. Jamie sure knew a lot of people. Considering she was partying almost every night...

Kate groaned and her head dropped. Jamie wasn’t home.

She stood up, dusting the crumbs off of her white tank top. Christ, she hadn’t even bothered to put on a bra. Her blue shorts were almost long enough to not look like she was wearing underwear. Almost. And her hair… well it was tangled enough to stay out of her face. And she sure as hell wasn’t putting on shoes.

She moved out of the bedroom into the hall. The lights were off but the sun beamed orange through the windows and the stained glass on the front door. She brushed her brown hair off her shoulders as she moved through the small house and opened the front door.

A man in a black and white uniform stood on the porch. She nearly slammed the door shut again.

“Hello,” said the man. “I am your new CyberLife model PL600 domestic assistant android.”

Kate stared at him through the cracked-open door. The android smiled blankly at her.

“Umm…” Kate bit her lip. “We don’t have an android. I think you have the wrong house.”

“Are you Katie Hayes of 1866 Greeley Street Detroit Michigan 48203?”

She narrowed her eyes, gripping the doorknob a bit tighter. “Yes?”

“Then I am indeed your new CyberLife model PL600 domestic assistant android.”

Kate tilted her head slightly, hiding partially behind the door. She wasn’t sure what was more disturbing─ that he knew her name and address or that he seemed to stare through her soul. And he wouldn’t stop smiling.

“Look.” She took in a breath. “I don’t have the money to buy an android and Jamie sure as hell didn’t order one, so I think you should go back to… whoever or wherever and─”

“Surprise!”

Kate jumped slightly as two figures leapt into the light. She immediately felt her body tense as she recognized them.

“Oh my god, you look so confused!” Kate’s mother came into focus as she stepped onto the porch. “That was priceless!”

There was a click and something flashed. Kate retreated into the house a bit which was useless as her mother swung the door open completely.

“Why are you half naked? Oh whatever.” Her mother grabbed Kate by the shoulders and pulled her into a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

Kate blew a bit of her mom’s hair out of her face, half-assedly giving her a quick hug back with just the tips of her fingers.

“Hi Katie!” Her mother’s husband waved to her as he caught the drone from the air and shoved it into his pocket. 

“Hi Leonard,” said Kate as she was pushed away again by her mom who held onto her shoulders.

“Your hair is getting long,” said her mom.

“Mom, my hair hasn’t grown since you last saw me,” said Kate. She wrapped her arms around herself in a pitiful attempt to keep her chest covered.

“Well, it looks longer to me,” said her mom, looking her over with her deep brown eyes. It was the one thing that Kate was glad she didn’t inherit. Her mom’s brown hair was almost the exact same shade of brown as Kate’s but with strands of gray woven around her face. Kate had gotten almost all of her mom’s features except those big sparkling brown eyes.

“So what do you think?” said her mom.

Kate blinked. “What do I think of what?”

“Your new─ oh, come in!” Her mom motioned to the door. The android stepped through the doorway and closed it behind him. He turned to face them, his expression still warm but at least his smile was gone.

“We got you an android!” Her mom waved her arms as if presenting something brilliant. Kate stared, her brain on overdrive to comprehend the situation.

“You got me…”

“An android!”

“An android…” Kate rubbed her forehead. “Christ, mom, how much did this cost?”

“Come on Katie,” said Leonard, bumping his shoulder into hers. “Don’t worry about how much it cost. Don’t you like it?”

“I…” Kate felt her eyebrows narrow. “I didn’t know I needed one.”

“Well, there’s something your mom and I have been talking about for a long time,” said Leonard, scratching his short graying hair. “But we don’t need to bring that up yet. Come here, let me explain what he can do.”

Kate followed as her mom and Leonard moved toward the android, covering herself as much as she could.

“Just consider him an awesome butler,” said Leonard, gazing at the android as if it were a work of art. “He can cook, clean, answer phones, mow the lawn, repair things… uh keep up with bills and stuff…”

“He’s got a startup speech, right?” Kate’s mom looked the android over as if hoping to find a button. “Can he do the startup speech?”

“Um let’s see.” Leonard looked at the android’s face. “Can you do your startup speech?”

The android straightened and his smile returned. “Of course.” He looked at Kate, and her stomach churned again. “Hello. I’m your new CyberLife model PL600 home assistant android. I look after your house, do the cooking, mind the kids, and manage your appointments. I speak over three hundred languages, am entirely autonomous, and can be set to any role including house security, educational tutor, or sexual partnership. No need to feed me or clean me. I am completely at your disposal.”

There was a strange silence as the android looked at Kate, his blue-eyed stare becoming ever more piercing.

“Yeah…” she bit her lip. “Jamie’s going to be _borrowing_ this thing a lot.”

“Well, just─” Her mom waved her hands. “Tell her the android’s not for her.”

“Highly doubt that’s gonna stop her.” She gazed at the android, one eyebrow raised. He was unrealistically neat with light blond hair swept partly sideways and his pale face extremely clean shaven. His blue eyes seemed intentionally designed to be pleasant and kind. If Kate didn’t know any better, she’d have guessed the designer was watching Lawrence of Arabia when coming up with him.

“She can’t use him,” said Kate’s mom. “Tell her I said she can’t use him.”

Kate turned to her, glancing between her and Leonard. “Why?”

Kate’s mother pressed her hands together, biting her lip and looking at Leonard. “Well, we just…”

“He’s a special type of android,” said Leonard quickly. “Not just your standard model.”

Kate stared at them. They were never good at hiding anything. And the more Kate wondered what it was, the more dread crept into her gut. “What is it?”

Kate’s mom and Leonard looked at eachother. “Well, Katie…” Her mom stepped closer to her. “I know you don’t like talking about this stuff but… Leonard and I kinda figured this was the best option.”

“He’s been trained in first-aid,” said Leonard, adjusting his glasses as he looked at the android. “Everything to do with first response. He knows the steps involved, can call an ambulance, keep you safe, the whole deal.”

“The salesman set it all up for us,” said Kate’s mom. “Got a program ordered specially from CyberLife. Other people have gotten it too for all sorts of things. It’s saved people’s lives.”

Kate rubbed her forehead, her hair falling into her face. “So you basically got me…” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “A mechanical babysitter?”

“What? No! Of course not.” Kate’s mom sighed heavily. “We got you something that can keep your house clean and take care of some of your projects, maybe even run off the guys at parties if you don’t like Matt anymore.” Her mom shrugged and gave a sideways smile. “And at the same time we can sleep peacefully knowing there’s someone here who will always make sure you’re okay.”

“I have Jamie,” said Kate. “It’s not like I live here alone.”

“You complain about Jamie all the time,” said her mom. “And you said Jamie is always going out. Your android will always be here and able to check up on you.”

Kate pressed a finger to her mouth and closed her eyes, struggling to keep her frustration under control. “It doesn’t happen that often. I haven’t had anything serious in years.”

“You said you passed out not even a week ago,” said Kate’s mom. “What if you’d stopped breathing? What if there’d been a fire?”

“What if anything?” Kate folded her arms across her chest. “Anything can happen, mom. This is Detroit.”

“Look, I know you hate gifts, Katie.” Kate’s mom threw a glance at the android. “Just… please consider this just once? So I can sleep soundly at night?”

Kate looked at the android who was still standing perfectly still. She let out a heavy sigh and put her hand on her forehead.

Kate’s mom smiled and leaned forward to brush Kate’s hair back. “Just give it a chance. You’re gonna love him. Now come on and get dressed.”

Kate let her hand drop to her side. “Why?”

“We’re taking you to dinner.”

“I already ate.”

“Toast doesn’t count.” Her mom was already opening the door. “Do you still have your yellow dress? I always liked that dress.”

“I’m not wearing a dress.”

“But you’re still coming,” said her mom. She waved as if pushing away a fly in the air. “Hurry up. I’ll grab a taxi.” Her mom disappeared through the door and Leonard leaned against the wall.

“Better hurry,” he said. “You know she won’t leave.”

Kate sighed and moved to her room. She spent a few minutes digging through the pile of laundry before emerging in some jeans that didn’t smell too bad, and a shirt that wasn’t too wrinkled, complete with a bra.

She stuffed her tangled hair in a bun as she moved through the hallway, and paused a moment. “What about him?”

The android was still standing patiently, the smile lingering in his blue eyes.

“Well, maybe he can clean the house while we’re out,” said Leonard.

“I don’t want him to touch my stuff,” said Kate.

“Come on, don’t worry about it,” said Leonard, opening the door. “You know what they’re saying about androids these days.”

“That they’re terking er jerbs?” said Kate, stepping through the front door.

“No,” said Leonard. “That they’re becoming more human every day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating this here on Archive of Our Own and also on FanFiction and DeviantArt. It's become kind of tricky to keep up with where to post this stuff these days. DeviantArt has left literature on the backburner and I was referred here from FanFiction by Wormate (hello if you're reading this).
> 
> I fell in love with Detroit: Become Human and in particular Simon whom the game seems to have it out for. He stands out awkwardly if you don't manage to kill him off, almost like the game is saying "whelp, he's still here. Just shove him in the corner and make him say the obvious stuff." It gave me an appreciation for him. He just deserves more love than he gets, being the oldest member of Jericho and having no history whatsoever. It made me wonder what it would be like for someone like that to have a rollercoaster of a backstory that he would quietly carry with him through the events of the game. What would make a caring, quiet, and socially passive android like Simon go deviant? I hope the answer is obvious, and I'm sorry for the incredibly slow burn of the thickest sexual tension I've ever written.


	2. My Human

For ten minutes, the android didn’t move. He had previously activated the standard rejection protocol when Katie Hayes showed signs of discomfort towards his presence. Transfer of ownership hadn’t exactly taken place, so his directive leaned more towards Susan and Leonard Hall for the time being. And they seemed to want the house to be cleaned.

He scanned the living room first, analyzing the design, storage habits, and excess clutter. Then he moved from room to room, identifying the bedrooms, bathroom, closets, and to whom each area belonged. The house was fairly small considering it had four bedrooms and two bathrooms. Only two of the bedrooms were occupied, the master bedroom in the front of the house and a smaller bedroom towards the back. He located the garbage bin and the washer and dryer as well as soap products. With everything scanned, he began to work.

Susan Hall had given her bank information which he used to order replacements or supplements. There was a lot that needed to be done to say the least. He started on Katie Hayes’ room at the back of the house first, and used the opportunity as a means to understand his new human. At an initial glance, it appeared she was an extremely busy person. The pile of laundry indicated she was uncoordinated and suffered from self-hate. Scans showed that she had not cleaned her clothes in thirty-seven days at least. The stack of paper plates were up to five days old and revealed traces of starch and salt, most likely some kind of bread. And thrown haphazardly around the room were pages of a narrative which odds were 79% to be related to her curriculum. As he cleaned, he scanned the pages. Most were plot-driven excerpts which had adaptations of famous films and characters.

He spent twenty-three minutes cleaning Katie’s room before moving to the master bedroom. He’d heard the name Jamie and it was safe to assume that this was her room. She seemed to be slightly more coordinated although based on a minor gathering of dust, it was likely that she simply spent less time in her room than Katie Hayes did in hers. It was mostly a matter of gathering the collection of liquor bottles from the shelves and dresser. Her room contained an ensuite bathroom, and he spent a great deal of time organizing an extensive collection of cosmetic products.

The house was nearly finished, and he prepared to work on the details. It had been forty-eight minutes since he started. Statistics indicated that most families dined out for about an hour and twenty minutes, so he would have just enough time to clean the floors and counters. He made his way into the kitchen, but stopped when he heard a low-decibel disturbance from the back door.

The calculations were already spinning in his head as he stepped toward the back door, its windows now dark in the cold night. The odds of a burglary were moderate. The odds that someone was visiting were low. But the odds of it being a resident were very high, and he avoided the temptation to call the authorities.

He stepped to the back door and opened it. There didn’t appear to be anyone there. He scanned the yard for signs of activity. To his left, he picked up trace sounds of quick breathing.

Activating his greeting protocol, he moved toward the sound.

“Hello. I am a CyberLife model PL─”

There was a scream, and the sound of metal striking plastic.

**Error code 00000396 THIR001 Deficiency. Rebooting in 3… 2… 1...**

“600 home assist…” Stars blinked overhead. He sat up, his shirt clinging to his back after having soaked in the damp grass.

“Oh god, he’s back on! He’s back on Katie.”

“What? What did you do?”

“Nothing. He just came back on by himself.”

He turned and saw two figures in the dark. One he recognized as Katie Hayes, and the other he determined based on the shape of her outline was Jamie. Katie hastily fumbled with a phone, her face highlighted by the glow of the screen. Jamie sat half crouched about a foot away. Her voice indicated worry.

He automatically began a quick system diagnostic. No thirium lost, only a minor abrasion on the ridge of his right brow. Processing disrupted when his central stem suffered trauma, causing a two second lapse in thirium circulation to his core processor.

He pressed his hand to his forehead. “I have suffered only minor damage,” he said. “I appear to have been struck with an aluminum baseball bat.”

“Yeah, you can thank Jamie for that,” said Katie. “I owned an android for two hours and you already broke it.”

“How the hell was I supposed to know you got an android?” Jamie stood up. “I thought he was going to rape me!”

“Can you stand?” asked Katie.

He performed another quick diagnostic. All systems were functioning. He pushed himself up onto his feet.

“See? He’s working fine,” said Jamie.

“Come on.” Katie moved towards the house, and he followed her inside. The lights had been turned on filling the house with a dull golden glow. As they stepped into the light, he was able to see them without having to adjust his visual exposure. Katie was still in her dirty jeans and shirt although she’d let her brown hair down which was even more tangled than before. Jamie, on the other hand, was meticulously clean with her sleek black hair pulled away from her round face. Her clothes were also much more revealing than Katie’s, suggesting a wide gap between the two girls’ social statuses.

“So my parents kick me out of the house, and your parents pay for your tuition and buy you an android.” Jamie moved in front of him as he stood by the kitchen sink. He watched as she looked him over. “Is that why you hate them?”

“They didn’t pay for my tuition, they just called it early inheritance,” said Katie. She seemed to be watching Jamie as Jamie continued to look at the android with a suggestive smile playing at the corner of her mouth. “And I didn’t ask for an android.”

“You didn’t?” Jamie turned to her, her black hair whipping. “Can I have him then?”

“No, you can’t have the android.” Katie’s tone was somewhat monotonous. “You’ll destroy him in less than a week.”

“Well, can I like…” Jamie put a hand against his shoulder. “... borrow him?”

Katie blinked slowly. “No.”

“I don’t mean─ not like that!” He felt Jamie’s hand disappear off his shoulder. “I mean he could probably write my term papers for me and stuff. And make up doctors’ notes. Probably beat up guys for us down at the bar. What are you gonna do with him?”

“I don’t know. I don’t really care right now.” Katie rubbed her eyes with one hand.

“Well, honestly if I were you…” Jamie looked at him again, her eyes flicking downward over his body. “... well, you know what if I were you.”

“Yeah, I do.” Katie sighed and moved slightly. “I’m going to bed.”

“Okay.” Jamie moved away and she giggled. “Have fun.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jamie.” Katie ran her hands through her hair as she took a few steps. The room was in silence for a moment. Then she looked at him. “What are you going to do?”

He straightened slightly, remembering not to smile as it seemed to initiate discomfort in her. “I can do anything you would like me to do. I was preparing to clean the floors and surfaces before you arrived, but you may assign me to any other task if you wish.”

“No, it’s… whatever.” She stared at him as she moved forward again. “There’s a dent in your face.”

“I have sent a diagnostic report to CyberLife and assessed the damages,” he replied. “There is no internal damage, however some aesthetic damage has occured. If you would like to have me repaired, the estimate is four-hundred ninety-nine dollars and fifty cents.”

He could see that Katie was debating it in her head. He put a hand to his brow, feeling the slight crack and indentation. “Of course, CyberLife also has options for financing─”

“No, no it’s not a matter of money.” Katie sighed. “I guess it’ll just give you character or something.”

He tilted his head as he looked at her. CyberLife protocol was reminding him of something. “Would you like to give me a name?”

Katie looked up at him, her hazel eyes slightly wide. “A name?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Don’t you already have a name?”

“All CyberLife androids are given a default serial number after being manufactured as a means of identification,” he said. “But I can also be named by my owner. Would you like to give me a name?”

“No.” Katie brushed her hair out of her face and moved down the hall. “Christ, it makes more sense to name a houseplant─ what the hell?”

He automatically detected the displeasure in her voice as he moved toward her. She was silhouetted in the light of her bedroom, standing in the doorway and frozen still. Her mouth was slightly open, and she turned to look at him as he approached. “What…” She waved at her room. “Where is everything?”

“I have moved any miscellaneous items into what appeared to be a designated storage location for them. I also took the liberty of clearing out any trash or irreparable items and washing your clothes.”

“You went into my room.” A smile appeared on Katie’s face and she pressed her hands to her mouth. Conflicting messages shot through his head as she turned slightly towards him without looking at him. “You went into my room. I said I didn’t want you in my room.”

“As a CyberLife house assistant android, and as your medical assistant, it would be ill-advised to deny me access─”

“Don’t go into my room.” He caught an iron glance from her as she stepped into her organized room and she slammed the door.

He stood motionless in the dark for a few moments as he listened to some scuffling. The door swung open again.

“Where are my clothes?”

“I have hung your top clothing in the closet, and your jeans I put─”

The door slammed shut again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As easy as Kate was for me to write, Simon is without a doubt the most difficult. It was so hard to make him the most unremarkable thing on the planet while also giving a reason to care about what he was doing and why. After all, what does an emotionless computer think about?
> 
> I didn't plan on him getting wacked in the face with a baseball bat on his first day. He's got an interesting split on his eyebrow now that he obviously doesn't have in the game. I have no idea how or when he'll get it fixed. I feel a bit guilty for doing it too... this story is supposed to show him some love and by chapter 2 he's already been beaten up and his owner hates him. Off to a great start, I guess.


	3. The Human Condition

The sun blazed through the windows of the clocktower, scorching the concrete plaza. The pigeons were conspicuously absent, rendering the usually lively campus deserted. Most of the activity came from a few worker androids which moved under the shade of the screens, emptying trash cans or pushing brooms.

Kate skirted the plaza as she avoided the sun, her backpack slung low on one shoulder and her sweater tied around her waist. Her professor decided to schedule two books this week, so she carried them in one arm to avoid adding another twenty pounds to her backpack and risk pulling a muscle.

Part of her simply wanted to stay on the campus and find a tree to sleep under rather than go home. If it hadn’t been over a hundred degrees she very well might have. Detroit weather was getting warmer, and the city hadn’t quite adapted to the rise in temperature. If there was one thing this city needed, it was more trees. More trees and less automation.

Something got her attention as she headed towards the carpool. She turned, and spotted a familiar shaggy-haired figure jogging to catch up with her.

“Jesus Kate,” said Matt, leaning over slightly as he paused next to her. “I called your name like ten times.”

“Some water, Matthew?” Matt’s android shifted the backpack that he was carrying for him.

“Not now, Seph.” Matt looked at her. “You okay?”

Kate rubbed her eyes. “Yeah. Sorry, just tired is all.”

“Yeah, you look tired,” said Matt. “We still on for Netview tonight?” Kate groaned. “Okay…” Matt continued, nodding slightly. “Tomorrow then.”

“Sorry, I just…” Kate let her hand drop to her side. “I had a shitty night.” She turned and moved towards the carpool, Matt following alongside her.

“You know, you really don’t have to keep putting up with Jamie,” said Matt. “Told you, all you have to do is call your dad─”

“It’s not─” Kate bit her lip, but she could tell it was too late. “I don’t need to call him.”

“Alright then,” said Matt. She heard him kick a pebble across the concrete as they walked. “Did… something happen?”

The concern in his voice made her clench the books she was carrying. She breathed in deeply. “I’m fine. My mom’s just driving me crazy as per usual.”

Matt laughed lightly. “Stalking you through your bedroom window per usual? Or just trying to marry you off to an Iranian prince per usual?”

“Butting her head into my business as per usual,” said Kate as they stopped at the carpool. “She got me… something.”

Matt looked at her. “Something? Oh shit.” He grabbed the water bottle from his android’s hand and unscrewed it as he looked at her. “Did she get you one of those Nanopens? They don’t tell you in the commercials but they can also track where you go and what you do…”

“No, she…” Kate pinched the bridge of her nose. “She got me an android.”

Matt choked, halfway through a swig from the bottle and sprayed water everywhere. “Oh─ what─ _that’s all?_ ” He doubled over as he laughed, coughing in between. His android stood next to him, looking slightly concerned as if not sure whether to help or not. “Oh my god… oh my god, only you…”

Kate rolled her eyes as a taxi pulled forward, the electric doors raising automatically. She threw her books in and slumped into the front seat, drawing her legs up. Matt scooted into the seat next to her, still snorting with laughter. His android climbed into the back, and the car rolled silently forward.

“So you─ you stayed up all night because you were mad at your android?” Matt took his glasses off and cleaned them on his flannel shirt, still laughing. “I can totally see you just sitting there… glaring silently at it all night… with a glass of whiskey in one hand.”

“I wasn’t mad at it, I was just…” Kate shifted uncomfortably and stared out the window, resting her head against her hand. “I didn’t know if they can see through walls or have super-hearing or something.”

“What, _that’s_ your concern?” She heard him lean back in his seat. “That your android is spying on you, secretly judging you… the fiend!”

Kate sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Look, it’s totally different when you’ve got an android as your servant or whatever. Maybe you’re used to it but in my opinion it’s just privacy rape.”

“Yeah, Kate,” said Matt. “Only you would immediately jump straight to android sexual harrassment.”

“I’m not─ I don’t think I’m being spied on or something, it’s just… it’s just creepy.” Kate looked sideways at him. “This thing wants to do my laundry, clean my house, make me food… he made this giant breakfast, I mean─” Kate motioned with her hands “─like five eggs, about ten pounds of bacon, pancakes… he said something about my metabolism being too fast and I’m five pounds underweight or whatever.”

“Listen to yourself complain about someone doing all your chores,” said Matt, shaking his head. “You get used to it really quick. Pretty soon you’ll be asking it to wipe your ass for you.”

“Oh god, don’t make me think about it.” Kate put her feet up on the dashboard, burying her face in her arms. She let out a heavy sigh. “I finally get away from my mom, and she still finds a way to put me in a prison.”

She could hear Matt scratching his head. “Well, if it’s that bad, you’ve always got a place to escape the android rape. I mean I’m just down the street.”

She turned her head slightly sideways to look at him with one eye over her arm. He was staring absentmindedly out the windshield with his head in one hand so that his shaggy brown hair fell to the side. She bit her lip in a vain attempt to keep from smiling.

“Yeah but…” She worked frantically to keep her cynical momentum going. “I don’t want your android spying on us. No offense, Seph.”

“No offense taken, Katherine,” said Seph. Matt shook his head slowly, but Kate could see the smile on his face.

The taxi smoothed to a stop under the shade of the trees, and the familiar blue house loomed into view overhead. Kate gathered her backpack and her textbooks off the floor of the taxi, not looking forward to stepping out into the heat again. She looked over her shoulder. “I’ll try to get on tonight, Matt. Same as usual if I don’t pass out.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Matt. “I might just go to the tech lab. Have to make up for last week.”

Kate looked at the floor as she smiled. “Sorry about that.” She heaved the backpack over her shoulders and gathered the books up as the car door opened. The hot air fell over her like a blanket, and she began to sweat as she stood up. She turned behind her and gave a small wave. “See ya.”

“Later,” said Matt. A smile spread across his face. “Have fun with your andr─” The car door slammed shut automatically, and the taxi sped away.

Kate sighed and her head fell back as she slouched her shoulders. She listened to the rustle of the trees as they swayed in the afternoon breeze. Normally at this time, she would be experiencing the weight of the day leaving her body as if she was wringing it out of her like a sponge. Now it clinged to her, threatening to drag her down in the heat. She blew a twisted ribbon of hair out of her eyes, and moved up the brick steps towards the front landing. She hesitated a moment before grabbing the knob and slowly opening the door.

It looked for a moment like she was stepping into someone else’s house. Everything had been moved. All the surfaces were cleared. Jamie’s pile of clothes had disappeared from the dining room table, and the stacks of boxes that she had shoved into the corners of the living room were gone. Kate could see clear down the center of the house past the kitchen which looked like someone could prepare a Christmas dinner in it with no issue. The countertops shined, the wooden floorboards gleamed a deep golden hue, and the couches and chairs had been scrubbed clean. Even the air had a hint of freshness, like breathing into a load of freshly cleaned laundry.

Kate stood still in the doorway for a moment, taken aback by the new state of the place. She moved into the entryway, closing the door silently behind her. She hadn’t seen it this clean since she first moved in.

Her awe was slowly swallowed by her vulnerability being out in the open. She drew her books close to her chest and moved past the dining room and kitchen, observing them as she walked.

“Good afternoon, Katie.”

Kate nearly tripped as she spun around, her hair whipping in her face. She hadn’t even noticed the android standing in the corner of the living room which was surprising since his black and white uniform clashed harshly against the soft brown hues of the walls. He carefully set down the pieces of a lamp on the coffee table and did that warm not-smile with his eyes.

Kate took a step backward. “Hey.” She threw a glance around the room. “You cleaned the house.”

The android looked around as if he hadn’t noticed it. “Of course. There was a minor plaque buildup on the drywall and I was able to approximate the tone of the paint to match, and I also took the liberty of ordering a replacement shower head for Jamie’s ensuite. I only have access to your mother’s bank account so I placed both orders in her name.”

Kate nodded slowly as she took another step back. “Okay, umm… you know this place doesn’t need to be absolutely immaculate. I mean it’s just me and Jamie here.”

The android looked at her, and Kate noticed the LED on his temple spin yellow. “I understand,” he said. “Do you want me to do something other than cleaning?”

“No. I don’t know.” She rested her shoulder against the wall as she stepped near the hallway. “I guess just… carry on.”

“Are you hungry?”

Kate felt her muscles tense and she shrank a bit into the hallway. “No, I’m fine.”

“You didn’t eat much this morning.” The android took a step towards her. “Based on the remaining food, you only consumed roughly one-hundred twenty calories. I can make you some lunch.”

“No really, I don’t want anything.”

“Part of my duty is monitoring your health,” said the android. “A healthy diet is the first step in preventing episodes of epileptic seizures─”

“Yeah! Okay! Thanks for the reminder.” Kate spun and walked down the hallway, her nails digging into the covers of the books. “I don’t want anything. Don’t make me anything. Leave me the fuck alone please.” She slammed her shoulder into her bedroom door as she entered it, then swung the door shut behind her.

The books fell into a crumpled mess on the floor, and she flung herself face down on her bed. Her fatigue was overpowered by an intense frustration, seeping through her body like a poison. She breathed out a heavy sigh, and despite herself, stars dotted her vision and she felt an electric jolt pass through her temples.

She raised herself into a sitting position, pressing her hands against either side of her head and massaging gently. The electric sensation faded and the stars gradually twinkled away into nothing. She couldn’t help a small miserable laugh that escaped her. It would be the most satisfying irony if she passed out from this.

For a while she simply sat on the bed, one leg bent in front of her and the other hanging off the side. She rested her elbow on her knee, leaning forward with her forehead in her palm. There was silence in the house, interrupted only by the sounds of the birds through the windows near her computer desk. The swaying trees created morphing gold patterns on her wall, sending the room into a flurry of motion. She looked up at the computer screen, noticing that her room hadn’t changed since she left it that morning. That much was comforting; at least her room was still a safe haven for now. A haven or a prison. It didn’t really matter.

She rubbed her forehead as she stared at the screen, an energy suddenly coursing through her. Without a second thought, she slid from the bed and moved into the computer chair, grabbing her headphones and pushing them over her ears. The screen came to life, bringing up the blank document from yesterday. She pushed the playlist tab and picked up the keyboard as low electronica reverberated in the speakers. Setting the keyboard on her lap and resting her legs on the computer desk, she finally began to write.

It annoyed her to no end that some of her classmates considered themselves writers. A few were absolutely destined to live in a castle and go down in history as the most amazing writers of all time. And others… well they didn’t seem to understand the idea of the human condition. That stories were meant to be read by human beings because humans only had a limited time on this planet. She’d read stories about people drinking a cup of tea that were so powerful they kept her up at night. And others that involved love, murder, or death that she had literally thrown out her window and refused to review in the workshop. It wasn’t enough to be told that “in this story, this man was very important and he was killed because his country was oppressive and we all must think about this sort of thing.” She could care less about what it meant and more about what the man thought of his salad at lunchtime.

The patterns of the trees moved across her wall as the time passed. She changed positions constantly as she typed, putting her keyboard back on the desk, standing up and moving around, crossing her legs and resting her elbows on either side of the keyboard as she let her mind carry the story. Sometimes if she let herself drift into an almost dreamlike state, the words came automatically like poetry. Or it would simply put her out, and she would wake up hours later with her face on the keyboard and a few hundred pages of two or three repeating letters.

She only became aware of the time when her vision was blinded by that yellow beam of sunlight through the trees. She raised her hand up, blocking it as she checked the page number. Eight pages. Decent enough. The story seemed to be concluding itself anyway, and there was no point in pushing it. If she loved it now, she could sleep on it and absolutely hate it in the morning.

She stood up from her desk and stretched. It was still too early to feel accomplished. She’d written eight pages in a few hours before, only to find that the last two pages would take her weeks to finish. It sometimes helped to have an outside perspective to hurry the process, but she felt awkward about letting others read her stories before she’d finished them. There was something about someone identifying the direction, and accusing her of having experienced the situations or feeling the emotions of her characters. She didn’t need to be a psychologist to know there was a reason all the stories involving sex were written by men.

She swept her phone off her desk and flopped back onto her bed, staring at the small screen. She thumbed a quick message to Matt, a slight apprehension building in her chest. Matt was one of the few people she’d allowed to read her stories before she submitted them to the workshop. He wasn’t what she considered an amazing editor, but in times of crisis, he’d helped her pull through. And there was something comforting in the fact that he already had an understanding of her writing habits which made him slower to judge.

A few minutes passed as Kate stared at the ceiling, watching the shadows drift by. A dull sadness replaced her apprehension. She flipped the phone up again to check on the off-chance that she simply hadn’t heard it go off. There was nothing. She let out a sigh. Of course she had decided not to go to sleep, and this was the day that Matt had gone to the tech lab.

Kate moved back over her bed, resting against the wall as she hit a remote on her phone and bringing up the menu on the T.V. She hit play, and curled up on her side as the old-fashioned two dimensional Enterprise 1701-D rolled across the screen.

It was a different experience being alone, watching the very bad special effects and poor make-up without anyone to heckle with. Kate checked her phone every so often, but checked it less and less as time went on. The windows grew dark and the screen became the only focus of the room. Kate hugged her pillow, her eyelids getting heavy. Eventually the explosions and the red alert sirens merged together. Data was always in danger. Troi was constantly worried about something. And Riker never seemed to miss the opportunity to attempt procreation with some alien species. It was ridiculous that something so repetitive and predictable could make such a good story over and over again.

Something tapped her shoulder and she jolted, the flashing lights of the television partially obscuring the circular blue light above her. She blinked, rolling onto her back as a face came into focus.

“I’m sorry. I called your name but you didn’t answer.”

Kate sat up quickly, rubbing her eyes. “What is it? What happened?”

The android took a step back, tilting his head slightly to one side. “I made dinner. Do you want me to bring it to you or would you rather eat in the dining room?”

Kate stared at him for a moment, letting the words sink in. “Are you… you woke me up for that?” She stood up, slightly unbalanced. “You came into my room while I was asleep?”

In the darkness, she could see the android’s LED flash yellow. “I’m sorry. When you didn’t respond, I felt it necessary to enter your room and make sure you were okay. You have a predisposition to high anger levels and in combination with your lack of sleep, your risk of─” He paused, his LED flashing yellow again. “It puts you more at risk.”

Several emotions battled eachother in Kate’s head. She took a deep breath. “I’ll get it myself. Now can you please…” She pressed her hands together and put them to her mouth, pushing her anger aside. “Can you _please_ get out of my room.”

The android nodded and stepped towards the door. Kate breathed deeply, keeping her hands clenched together.

“Would you like me to close the door?” said the android.

Kate blinked slowly. “What do you think?” There was a moment of silence. Then the door creaked and there was a soft click, leaving Kate alone in the bright lights of the Enterprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt is actually based off of a friend I had in high school. Pretty much exactly how he looked and also had kind of a Seth Rogen personality. I figured if Kate needed a friend, he'd probably be the only one she'd be willing to put up with. I originally intended to make him more of a tech nerd but he turned into more of a laid back dude. There's definitely some chemistry going on there.
> 
> Also, Simon drove me insane. I never thought an android could be so unbelievably creepy just doing his normal android thing. He's kind of like a more attractive C-3P0 which makes him even worse. I had to ratchet back some of his more intrusive questions because I didn't think Kate would be able to handle it.


	4. No Secrets

The list of improvements on the house was getting shorter as the days went by. The android took note of Katie’s orders, that the house shouldn’t be absolutely pristine, so he focused on the smaller details that according to CyberLife made it a bit more comfortable for humans.

Katie had finally adopted a kind of routine that seemed to involve staying in her room as much as possible. The interactions between the two were brief, but he didn’t need to use in-depth analysis to understand that there was a problem. And that problem prevented him from following his programming which was in place specifically for Katie’s medical condition. The next step dictated that he find a way to solve the issue with as little altercation as possible.

The heat had finally broken, giving way to clouds that filtered the sunlight through the windows. This allowed him to open the windows and create a breeze through the house. He’d tied back the curtains which had taken three cycles to completely clean, and pulled down the blinds so there was some contrast against the television that he left on in the living room. The silverware was out, placed strategically on the table in neat sections as he scrubbed each utensil with a cloth and tarnish remover. Between each utensil, he threw glances at the screen, spinning the freshly polished silver between his fingers so that it whirled in a blur.

“So you don’t see anything wrong with your behavior?” said the doctor on the screen.

“What do you mean _my behavior?_ ” The young blond girl whipped her hair. “If there’s anything wrong with me, it’s because my parents made me that way.”

“Wait.” The doctor shifted the clipboard he was holding. “I understand you’re angry at your parents. But you don’t think they were just trying to help you because you’re so out of control?”

The android twirled another finished spoon, listening to the air whistle smoothly around it. He looked up at the screen as he spun the spoon around his index finger, landing it neatly on the finished stack in front of him.

“Help me? Help me?” The blond girl leaned forward. “How is kicking me out on the street supposed to help me? How about taking away everything I have─ my phone, my car, my android… my boyfriend is the only person who’s ever been there for me. They were never there for me. They don’t give a sh─” There was a loud beep, and the audience grumbled.

“Maybe they just wanted you to be truthful for once,” said the doctor. The android narrowed his gaze as he scrubbed a butter knife. “It’s what I always say,” the doctor continued. “All fights can be avoided if you just say what you’re thinking, even if you think it will hurt the other person’s feelings.”

The android glanced up again, scrubbing without looking. The blond girl whipped her hair again. “Well, if you want to hear the truth… I… I’m… I’m scared.” The audience murmured in the background. “I’m scared of being alone. And Tom said he’d never leave me. My mom and dad just kicked me out. Tom was there for me.”

“Cindy…” An older blond woman rushed forward out of her seat. “Cindy we’ll always be there for you. You don’t have to be alone.”

Tears streaked down the blond girl’s cheeks, stained black from eyeliner. “But you threw me out. And I was so scared. I just wanted you to love me for who I am.”

The older blond woman hugged the young girl, and the audience awed. The android paused cleaning for a moment, spinning the butter knife around his finger so that it whirled like a propeller. “If you just say what you’re thinking…” he repeated.

There was a soft clunk outside, and the android turned to see a taxi leaving. He set the butter knife down on the table as he peered sideways through the window. A slender figure stepped up to the front porch, and he had just enough time to catch a glimpse of sleek black hair.

The front door opened, and Jamie stepped into the entryway. She stepped sideways, running a hand through her dark hair as she swung the front door shut. The android watched her as she moved forward, her sweater hanging off of one shoulder revealing a low cut purple tank top.

“Hello, Jamie,” he said. Jamie stopped, her brown eyes lighting up as she saw him.

“Hey! How’s it going?” She stepped into the living room, looking around. “You’ve been really busy. Jeez, I barely even recognize this place.” She smiled at him, biting her bottom lip gently. “Sorry I’ve been gone for so long. I don’t usually like hanging out when Katie’s here. She kinda brings the mood down.”

“It’s perfectly fine,” said the android. He picked up a fork and scrubbed it with the cloth. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Jamie looked at the television and nodded. “So it’s just been you and Katie here?”

“Yes,” said the android, focusing on a particularly tarnished spot.

“All alone?” said Jamie. She moved a bit closer to him. “Together?”

“Yes.” He twirled the fork in his fingers and listened to the low whistle. “For five days, seven hours, and thirty-two minutes.”

“Oh, okay.” Jamie tapped her fingers on the table. “So… I mean, I know it’s none of my business, but have you two… you know…”

“Sorry?” The android threw a glance at her as scrubbed a bit more and spun the fork again.

“Have you two… fucked?”

The android paused a moment, the inquiry breaking down into several suggestions. He looked up at Jamie who had an unusually bright sparkle in her eyes. “I assume you’re asking if Katie and I have had sexual relations?” he said. Jamie snorted and her grin grew wider. The android set the fork down and picked up another one. “I’m sorry but discussing private information of that nature would violate my programming.”

Jamie laughed and took a step back. “Oh my god, she still hasn’t. I knew it.” She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. “You know I’ve been trying to help her lose her virginity for over a year now? She won’t get with anyone. Not even Matt.” She brushed her black hair out of her face. The android looked at her as he cleaned the fork, twirling it in his fingers between every few scrubs.

“Why are you… did she give you a name yet?” asked Jamie.

“Not yet,” said the android.

“Can I call you Dylan?”

“You may, but I can only register a name given by my owner,” said the android.

“Okay, Dylan,” said Jamie. “How come you’re watching Terry’s Therapy?”

The android looked up at the television which was in the last minutes of the episode. “I’m attempting to understand the different aspects of human personalities and how to overcome difficulties that I’ve been experiencing with Katie,” he said. “I know that reality television isn’t always accurate. But it can’t hurt to explore all avenues.”

Jamie stared at him for a moment. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re not going to make friends with Katie by watching Terry’s Therapy.” She stepped forward and placed her hands on the table, leaning against it. “Katie’s… kind of special. If you try to be nice to her, she’ll just push you around. You know how to really get on her good side?”

The android looked up with renewed interest. “How?”

Jamie bit her lip again, smiling mostly through her eyes. “You have to be straight with her. Let her know what you really think about her. And none of this android _you are suffering from oedipus complex and bad electrolytes_ bullshit talk. Try to talk to her like a human. Just be straightforward. Blunt. You know?”

The android lowered the fork and cloth, absorbing her words. “Don’t hold anything back. All fights can be avoided if you say what you’re thinking.”

“Exactly!” Jamie reached forward and touched his cheek. “See, you’re starting to get it. You know, if you want to know anything about Katie, you can always ask me. I know her better than pretty much anyone.” She leaned back from the table. “I’m gonna go to my room. See you around, okay?”

“Okay,” said the android. He looked up as Jamie moved away. “Jamie?”

She turned and looked at him. He offered a small smile. “Thanks,” he said.

She smiled back at him. “Good luck, Dylan.” She moved out of the living room and disappeared down the hall.

The android was still for a while, holding the silverware in one hand and the cloth in the other. A satisfying clarity pulsed through him, and if he could say that he felt anything, it was as close to confidence as it could get.

He resumed polishing the silverware, the sounds of the television filling the room though he was no longer listening. He focused instead on reabsorbing what Jamie had said. It wasn’t in his programming to have opinions on what he thought of people. He could make observations based on a human’s behavior or history and associate labels to them. But as far as telling someone what he thought of them… it was assuming that he liked or disliked them. Which of course, wasn’t relevant to his software. But in this case, it might be relevant to finally build a relationship with his human.

It was approaching mid-afternoon, and the android knew Katie would be arriving home soon. He organized the silverware and began sorting them into their respective drawers in the kitchen. The wind had picked up and the curtains blew gently in the breeze. As the android moved through the house closing the windows, he could hear Jamie talking energetically to what he assumed was someone over the phone. It was a new ambience to what was usually a completely quiet atmosphere.

The android moved back into the kitchen and as he continued to sort the silverware, he heard the thud of a car door closing outside. He looked up automatically in time to see another car roll away, and a few seconds later the front door opened.

Katie stepped into the house, her messy brown hair partially hiding her face although the android could see that she was weary again. She closed the door behind her without stopping and moved towards the hallway, throwing a glance into the living room as she walked.

“Hello, Katie,” said the android. Katie looked in his direction, slowing a bit as she walked into the hallway. She didn’t say anything which was becoming the norm, and instead gave enough indication to let him know that she was aware of him. After coming home, she would disappear in her room for hours. This time, the android stepped towards her.

“Jamie is here,” he said. “I thought you should know in case you wanted to say hello to her.”

Katie looked at him again, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder. “Okay,” she said quietly. “Thanks.”

“I also wanted to know,” the android continued, and Katie stopped halfway down the hallway. “I wanted to know if you would like to talk. So we don’t have to be so uncomfortable with eachother.”

Katie was silent for a few moments, and the android couldn’t see her expression from where he stood. Then she continued down the hallway, turned into her room, and closed the door.

The android let his shoulders drop, and he gazed at the floor as he assessed the situation. Katie was probably very tired after a long day at the university, and she hadn’t eaten any of the breakfast he’d prepared for her that morning which meant her blood sugar was low. Fatigue and hunger usually led to increased agitation in humans, and that combined with her unease around him meant that now was probably not a good time to have a serious discussion.

He moved back to the silverware, sorting the last few utensils. If he gave it some time, perhaps she would be more willing to listen.

The silverware finally sorted, he moved to organizing the rest of the drawers. There wasn’t much in them to begin with; he suspected that neither of the girls cooked much. However, he took the time to gather his thoughts on what he had learned so far about Katie based on her behavior. She wasn’t in any way similar to any of the people he’d seen on the television. CyberLife had plenty of history on humans which were resentful or even abusive to their androids. Often the androids were replaced almost immediately with models that were less responsive or more pleasing to the eye. Though even as he considered it, he seriously doubted that what Katie needed was a more attractive android.

He stood up straight as the last of the cabinets was sorted. About an hour had passed. The house was silent, and the wind had died down. There was always something he could move on to next, but he resisted the urge to keep working. This had to be fixed before he gave himself enough time to reconsider.

The android moved into the hallway and paused outside Katie’s door. From inside, he could hear the faint sounds from the television show that Katie often seemed to watch. He organized his thoughts again, then knocked.

He heard a light shuffle, then the door opened. Katie’s face appeared, her usual accusatory expression lining her face.

“What?” she said.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you,” said the android. “I thought we could use this time to talk about our situation. Maybe make things a bit easier.”

Katie was silent, her gaze frozen. The android looked away for a moment, re-adjusting his approach. “I understand you didn’t ask for this,” he said. “You never wanted an android.” At that, Katie’s face softened. The android pursued the direction. “I know it’s a bit late, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Katie had a new expression that the android hadn’t seen before. Her hazel eyes were narrowed but the usual malice was gone. She opened the door wider and leaned against the frame. “Alright,” she said. “I’m listening.”

The android straightened with renewed confidence. “I think if we’re going to be comfortable with eachother, we need to talk to eachother,” he said. “If you tell me exactly how you feel, maybe we can move past whatever is causing your anger and learn to become friends.”

Katie looked to the side, a small smile tugging at her mouth. “Honestly… I don’t think that’s going to work.”

“What if we just gave it a try?” said the android. “You can tell me exactly what you think, and I can try to be as straightforward as my programming allows.”

“Well, that’s just the thing,” said Katie. She continued to look at him with the odd smile and scrutinizing eyes that the android found much more welcoming than her usual glare. “It’s not that I don’t like you. I just… nothing you.”

The android tilted his head as he attempted to process her statement. Katie sighed, shifting her weight. “I’m not mad at you personally. It’s not like you were an asshole and just forced your way into my life. You’re just a robot doing a job. I get it.” She blew a rope of hair out of her eyes. “I just… hate having things shoved on me because people think they know what’s best for me. And now you’re here, making my food, cleaning my clothes, telling me I’m not eating enough and constantly criticizing the way I live… it’s just… it’s exactly what my mom wants and…” She paused, her face tense with exasperation. “Is this making any sense to you?”

The android looked at her, breaking apart her words. “I understand that my being here is a disruption of your normal life,” he said. “But is there anything specific that makes you dislike me?”

Katie threw her gaze up at the ceiling. “Well, you’re so goddamn robotic for one. I mean, you look like a human, you sound like a human, but you couldn’t be any further from an actual human being. It’s the way you move, the way you talk and… frankly your eyes kind of scare me.”

The android blinked. “Is there a certain way that you would like me to look at you?”

Katie’s expression narrowed again. “See, no one would ask that question. No sane normal person would ever─” She clasped her hands together and pressed them against her lips, closing her eyes. “Please tell me you’re getting this just a little bit.”

“Do you wish that I was more human?” said the android. Katie shook her head, dropping her hands to her sides. The android straightened. “I’ve been studying human behavior and attempting to incorporate it into my programming. I thought maybe you’d like to know what I think about you?”

Katie was silent, staring at him with the same frozen expression. The android took a breath. “You are a very creative and intuitive individual for your age. You adapt to all situations in a way that you can find some benefit which appears to be a select trait among other humans. I’ve also noticed that others seem to value your friendship and think very highly of you. You’re an important person, and that makes you special.” He could see Katie’s eyes soften again. “Not many people seem to have the same qualities that you’ve been given,” he continued. “And from what I’ve observed, they also don’t seem to respond in the same way. If I were to sum up your character like I was a human…” He thought carefully, gathering the behavioral terminology that he’d learned. He looked at Katie who was still watching him with a softened expression. “If I said what I thought about you, I would say I think you are a privileged and ungrateful bitch.”

Katie’s eyes widened, and her mouth opened slightly. The android watched her, struggling to interpret her expression. The statement seemed to have affected her, and he anticipated an honest return. He shifted slightly, and gave a small smile.

“What…” Katie’s expression narrowed. “... the… _fuck._ ”

The door swung open and she stepped out into the hallway so that she was mere inches from him. “Are you fucking serious right now?” she said. “Is this some part of your twisted programming─ some psycho-analytical bullshit?”

The android opened his mouth but found his software faltering. He stumbled back a few steps as Katie shoved him with both hands.

“You walk into _my_ life,” she continued, her eyes blazing with fury. “Mr. Breakfasts-are-important-in-preventing-epilepsy and make me a prisoner in my own goddamn house, and you’re going to proceed to patronize me like I’m some kind of child? Like I enjoy this?”

The android knew better than to say anything, and made sure to keep his expression blank. Katie stepped towards him again.

“How is this supposed to cure my epilepsy? How am I supposed to─” She paused suddenly, closing her eyes and pressing her hands to the sides of her head. For a moment, there was only silence as the android watched her.

“I can’t do this.” Katie opened her eyes, her skin turning a slight pink hue. “I can’t… I can’t live like this. You need to turn off.” She looked at him. “Just turn off. Go into stasis or something. Just shut the hell off.”

“Perhaps I should rephrase my statement,” said the android. “I’m still learning the unique characteristics of human dialect─”

“No. Stop talking. Just stop talking and shut off.”

The android regained his composure, moving to a more solid approach. “Stasis is reserved in times of processing and exchange of ownership,” he said. “But if you’d like, I can alter the details and create a scheduled interval that can last─”

“Just shut off.” Katie pressed her hands to her head again. “I don’t care. Just leave me alone.”

“Of course,” said the android. “To revive me, you will have to contact CyberLife and─”

“Just shut off!”

An uncomfortable jet of what felt like electricity rushed through him. He was able to catch a last glimpse of Katie, her eyes watered and her trembling hand partially covering her mouth before a blue interface swept over his vision, and everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad to see in the future we still have crap television shows like Dr. Phil. It's tricky to get the passage of time through an android's eyes because they obviously wouldn't feel like time is dragging or going quick. And he doesn't really think about anything.
> 
> I had a series of events planned out in my head for how this story would go, and I knew that Simon would say or do something to Kate that would completely set her off. I thought maybe he would break something or walk in on her naked. I honestly didn't expect him to call her a bitch. It seems to have done the trick though. Anything that can get Kate to come out of her room and physically attack someone is a win.


	5. The Birthday Party

Detroit was formidable by day; a complicated network of towers composing a mixture of rotted gray exteriors and sleek modern skyscrapers as if the two were competing for space. There was always something newer and bigger being built, standing bright and clean against the blue sky while below, the forgotten community continued to decay. There was no in-between in this city. People were either extremely wealthy, living in the sky with walls of gleaming white plastic and bright hologram screens, or they were living destitute in Detroit’s shadow which was growing larger every day.

At night however, Detroit was a different story. The gleaming white walls were dark and the towering skyscrapers faded into the night sky as if they simply dissolved into the atmosphere. The only thing that existed were the lights. Thousands of lights in various sizes and colors outlining the shapes of the structures. There was no rich or poor, only the sparkling sea of dots that was the city of Detroit.

Deep within the city, bright lights created oases in the darkness where people passed between the buildings in streams. The storefronts blazed in different moving colors, giving the walls of the clearing an ocean-like appearance while the upper floors remained a stationary grid. Crowds gathered around the doorways, filling the insides of the stores with a flurry of movement. The city never slept. It never stood still. Detroit simply folded itself like a flower and brought its life indoors.

It was partially why Kate avoided the downtown. Night was easier although it seemed only to concentrate the activity to specific areas. Everyone knew eachother, and if they didn’t then they went in search of more people. As if being around so many other humans made their existence more significant. Life needed life in order to validate itself. Which was probably why Kate found herself at the back of too large a group under the bright lights of downtown Detroit.

Jamie walked ahead with several people that Kate vaguely recognized. Jamie was always dressed for the occasion. Tonight was a glittering red dress that was tight to her body and stopped mid-thigh, complete with shiny white high heels and her black hair done into a messy bun. Jamie’s friends were dressed in similar variations so that it was difficult to tell them apart.

Kate had actually made an effort on her part to wear something other than the usual old clothes. She wore her last pair of clean jeans and a black camisole underneath a loose cotton sweater which she’d left open. She’d even brushed her hair which had taken about twenty minutes of careful coordination and some minor pain but left her brown hair almost straight. Kate could never be bothered to go further than that, but that night she’d humored Jamie’s suggestions and let her roommate apply eyeliner to Kate’s eyes. It was slightly annoying knowing that she couldn’t rub her eyes, but this night was different. And different times called for awkward measures.

“Did you pick this place out or did Jamie?” asked Matt. He was the only one walking with Kate at the back of the group, his hands in his pockets. He was the most normal-looking person wearing his usual boots, baggy jeans, and loose t-shirt. He also hadn’t brushed his shaggy brown hair which curled out under his ears and around his thick glasses.

“Jamie picked it out,” said Kate. “I just told her what I wanted and she planned the rest.”  
“Okay, that makes more sense,” said Matt. The group was approaching a bright archway leading into a glittering environment within a tall building. “How come you didn’t wear a dress?”

Kate threw him a sideways glance. “Are you serious?”

Matt shrugged his shoulders. “I’m just saying all the other girls are wearing dresses. You put on makeup but you forgot the dress.”

“You’ll never see me in a dress,” said Kate. The group was coming to a stop at the large glowing archway blocked by a neon strip. Android stations stood at either side, housing three or four stationary figures each. Kate saw Jamie turn around to count heads, then Jamie held out her phone to an android that was standing at the booth. The android scanned Jamie’s phone, a ring of yellow dancing on the android’s temple.

“You’d look good in one, you know,” said Matt in that soothing tone Kate was still getting used to. She looked at him as he gazed off to the side. He made eye contact with her, his deep blue eyes shining. “You look good now though. I mean better. You’ve been looking a lot better lately.” He smiled and Kate couldn’t help her own smile as she looked at the ground.

“Things have been better,” she said. The group moved forward underneath the archway. “I’ve been getting more sleep, actually eating, getting my writing done…” She nodded as she walked with him. “It’s been pretty good.”

It was dark inside the building, with bright lights creating corridors that the group followed. The walls flowed with variations of different scenery, from swirling nebulas of outer space to windswept deserts. The corridors branched off into exits that offered a glimpse of the current activity: extreme laser tag, tennis, pool, and indoor skydiving were a few that Kate recognized.

The group slowed as they moved further into the building, and Kate could see Jamie at the front looking back over her shoulder. Jamie raised a hand up.

“Katie!” Jamie motioned with her hand. “Katie get up here!”

“Oh god…” Kate instinctually moved closer to Matt and shifted behind his shoulder.

“Nope.” Matt moved out of the way and Kate found herself being pushed forward. “This is your party.”

“This isn’t a party,” said Kate. She spun away from him and stepped backward, but yelped as her feet left the ground. Adrenalin shot through her as she wrapped her arms over Matt’s shoulders in an attempt to stabilize herself as he carried her.

“Happy birthday, Kate.” Matt walked to the front of the group, each of his footsteps oddly jarring. Kate clenched her eyes shut, her stomach in a knot of anxious flutter at being so close to him, but she let out another yelp as she felt her legs drop and she was swung down into a standing position. She stood still, biting her lip in a mixture of frustration and giddy nervousness.

Jamie grabbed Kate’s hand, and Kate could see her smile in the dark. “Come on, girly.” Jamie pulled her forward through the corridor. “There’s so many things to do here. Have you tried the rave room? It’s wild!”

“Oh, we should check out the undersea cafe!” said one of Jamie’s friends. “They serve this rainbow margarita. So freaking good.”

“Do they have any hot tubs here?” asked someone from the back. “We could all get naked…”

“Oh my god, not unless I’m totally drunk.” Jamie’s messy bun swung as they moved from one side of the corridor to the other. “What haven’t we tried here? I mean I’ve basically tried everything─”

“Miniature golf,” said Kate.

Jamie looked back at her and rolled her eyes. “But that’s so _boring_.”

“Miniature golf,” Kate repeated.

“Why don’t we go to the zero gravity bar? You might have fun floating around.”

“Miniature. Golf.”

“Katie, no one goes miniature golfing.”

“Exactly.”

Jamie sighed. From behind, a few of her friends laughed. “Can’t you at least try something else before you just settle for the most boring deck?”

“No.”

“ _Katie…_ ” Jamie cocked her head to one side. Kate felt a hand on her shoulder and saw Matt move up next to her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep her company,” said Matt. “Pretty sure she’ll get bored really quick and come looking for you guys.”

Kate made to snort under her breath but felt a slight relief as Jamie moved away.

“Fine. If you want to find me later, I’m going to the rave room.”

Jamie’s friends moved with her, each of them continuing to bicker over which was the better rave room. Kate watched as the group merged into the distance amidst the flickering colors and shadows. Despite the group leaving, the corridor wasn’t any quieter.

“Are you really going miniature golfing?” said Matt. Kate could see him analyzing her.

“Yep,” she said. She strode off down the corridor following the flashing lights. “If I can remember how the hell you do this..”

Matt sighed behind her, but Kate could hear the smile in his voice. “You really haven’t been here before, have you?”

Kate threw him a glance over her shoulder. “You think I spend most of my weekends here or something?” She gazed at the contrasting lights for a sign or arrow, but found herself being tugged sideways by the hand. Matt’s stocky frame came into view as he led her to the nearest deck. He paused next to the blue panel and typed something into it. Kate stepped sideways to peek at the panel. Almost as if by intuition, she found herself becoming increasingly aware of his hand grasped over hers, and she felt him let go.

Before she could say anything, a well-dressed android approached them. The android smiled.

“Thank you for choosing VR Miniature Golf,” said the android. “Please enter the deck. Your stylus are in the blue dispenser. Feel free to ask me any questions or make any requests. Enjoy!”

It took a moment for Kate to realize that Matt had already moved into the empty room ahead. She followed him in, gazing around the domed room. The walls were a matte black and seemed much further away than they really were, and the floor stopped about a foot from the walls in a kind of platform.

She paused behind him as Matt fumbled with something. “So… what are you going to pick?” she said.

“What do you mean ‘what am I gonna pick?’” Matt held up what Kate recognized as a stylus that the android had pointed out. “You think I’m some kind of pleb?”

Kate shifted her weight as she stared at the walls. “Just… not Disneyland. Anywhere but Disneland.”

“Alright, Disneyland it is,” said Matt. Kate felt her jaw tighten and moved toward him as Matt pressed something on the stylus, holding it close to his mouth. “The Enterprise 1701-D.”

The room exploded into bright colors, causing the walls to disappear and the ceiling to expand outward. A red carpet spread out underneath Kate’s feet, meeting the white curved walls that displayed the massive outer space viewing screen. Display panels flickered into existence, flashing red warning signals that coincided with the siren overhead. An analog style countdown ticked in red numbers on the corner of the viewing screen, starting at ten minutes. As the room solidified, a deep rumbling shook the room.

Kate stood frozen for a moment, her brain struggling to accept that she was standing on the bridge of the TV show. She hardly noticed as Matt tossed a stylus to her.

“You didn’t really think I’d do that to you, did you?” said Matt. Kate couldn’t help the childlike energy overtake her reserve. She clicked the button on the stylus, causing it to lengthen into a neon golf club.

“You’re a god damn asshole,” she said, pointing the golf club at him. Matt raised his stylus, producing a red neon golf club.

“Don’t take that tone with me, Number One!” He moved towards her, swinging the club. She swung hers with both hands, the neon clubs passing through one another. There was a loud electric ringing sound.

_“Please use the stylus only for its intended purpose.”_

“Oh shut up.” Matt swung the club through one of the operating stations. “Looks like we’re gonna blow up in nine minutes anyway.”

“Not if we get all the balls into the right holes,” said Kate. Matt snorted behind her as she looked along the floor, scanning for the starting line. There was a tapping sound, and she glanced up at Matt who was sitting at the helm, tapping the panel. She let out a sigh. “What are you doing?”

He twisted in the chair to look at her over his glasses. “Are _you_ seriously not going to at least try to fly this thing? Look, we’re heading right into the black hole!” He pointed at the screen which displayed a bright swirling vortex.

Kate rested the stylus over her shoulder, staring at the drifting colors. She tilted her head slightly as she examined the viewing screen, then turned and moved up the ramp to the security panel where on the floor was marked a holographic neon circle. Without hesitation, she lowered the golf club to the circle, aimed, and gently swung the club.

A bright ethereal golf ball rolled down the ramp, skirting the edge of the room, and plunked through the viewing screen. The ball floated through space for a moment, then caught the end of one of the wispy tendrils of the black hole, bounced off, and fell away into darkness.

The room chirped, and another golf ball appeared in the round circle. For a moment, everything was quiet.

“ _This_ is miniature golf?” Matt stood up and stared at the screen. “How the hell are we supposed to make that?”

“Watch me,” said Kate, taking a better stance near the round circle. She swung the club again and the ball rolled down the ramp, plunging through the viewing screen and not even making it to the swirling lights before fading in the darkness.

“God you suck,” said Matt.

“Fuck you, Matt.”

The room chirped again and a new ball appeared. “Are you sure that’s where you should be hitting it?” Matt asked as he moved up the ramp. Kate stared at him as he approached.

“Where the hell else would I hit it?” she said. Matt stood next to her, then bumped his hip into her in what was an attempt at a small push out of the way but sent her tiny frame nearly tumbling to the floor. Kate grabbed onto the wooden panel to steady herself as he readied the golf club, aiming this time in the other direction towards the opposite ramp. Kate watched as he swung the golf club harder than he needed, sending the golf ball ping ponging down the ramp through the viewing screen where it bounced off of several bright tendrils before falling away through the stars.

Matt looked at her. “I hate this game.”

“That’s because you’re doing it wrong, genius,” said Kate. She moved towards the circle and Matt pivoted into her way. “What the hell─”

“Just let me try it again.” He swung the club awkwardly as Kate tried to move past him. She knocked the ball off course, sending it bouncing against the wall. They both stumbled forward, swinging their clubs.

“What the shit, asshat!”

“Don’t push it into the vent!”

“Just let me hit the fucking ball─”

The golf ball rocketed off the end of one of the clubs and blasted through the viewing screen. They both watched as it caught the end of one of the brilliant tendrils, flowed along its edge perfectly, then rolled off the edge at the last moment and skirted the rim of the black hole before falling off the side.

“ _Fuck..._ ” Matt violently swung the ethereal club through the security panel. “That was so close...”

_“Please use the stylus only for its intended purpose.”_

“And fuck you, lady in the sky!” Matt swung the golf club upwards through the air. Kate leaned back against the wall, clutching her golf club to her chest as she shook with laughter.

Matt rested against the security panel, breathing heavily. “Are you having fun?”

“Watching you have a mental breakdown? Yeah, I’m having fun.” Kate swung the golf club idly back and forth.

“Great, that’s all I asked for,” said Matt. He passed the golf club over the circle, activating the golf ball so that it rolled slowly. “Because you─” He stomped on the holographic golf ball. “─didn’t want─ to float around with your friends─” The ball rolled away unaffected by Matt’s stomping.

“You mean Jamie’s friends?” Kate watched as Matt pushed the ball around with the club. He looked up at her with his eyebrows furrowed.

“You could _share_ , you know.”

Kate let out a small laugh through her nose as the ball came rolling towards her. “TNG is the only friend I need.” She knocked the ball back his direction along the floor.

“TNG is a TV show, Kate,” said Matt as he hit the ball back towards her with his golf club. “And it’s not even the best one.”

“You can have Seven of Nine,” said Kate as she scrambled to knock the ball back to him. “And Chakotay. Chakotay’s an ass.” She looked up and saw him laughing as he chased the ball with the club in one hand. “What?”

“You,” he said, pushing the ball towards her. “Even when you’re happy you’re pissed off.”

“Just because I’m not full of glee doesn’t mean I don’t have to be happy,” said Kate. “Didn’t know other people were so dependent on me not being miserable all the time.” She putted the ball back towards him, and looked up when he didn’t knock it back towards her. He stared at the ground as he pushed the golf ball around.

“You know tha─” He paused for a moment, then knocked the ball towards her slowly. “People do care.”

“Why.” Kate hit the ball with a little more force than she intended. “Why do people care.”

“Because we’re human beings, Kate.” He moved to the other side of the ramp as he caught the ball with his club. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but you’re a human being too and when you’re miserable… it makes the people who like you feel like they’re letting you down.”

“Those people are idiots,” said Kate.

Matt knocked the ball towards her and straightened, his face lined with slight tension. “You’re calling me an idiot?”

“If that sort of thing affects you, yes.”

Matt let out a breath of laughter but Kate could detect the frustration in his voice. She knocked the golf ball against the wall.

“Do you…” Matt paused again and Kate looked up at him. His blue eyes were focused in a tight frown. “Do you want me to stop trying?” He looked at her and the corner of his mouth rose. “You know what I mean?”

She stared at him for a moment, a slight tingling sensation flowing through her body. She clenched her jaw to keep control. “I know what you mean.”

The ball rolled silently across the floor between them. Matt caught it with the golf club. “Look I… I know you like your independence and all that─”

“I do.” Kate could feel the familiar frustration building inside her.

“─ but for fuck’s sake, how hard do I need to try, Kate?”

She felt a pang of intense shame at the tone of his voice, but forced herself to keep staring at the ground. She let out a harsh sigh. “You’re doing a good job.”

Matt let out a laugh that seemed to border on anger. “Obviously I’m not. Or maybe you’ve just got a wrong idea of how relationships are supposed to work.”

“What do you want me to say, Matt?” Kate straightened, a weak strength flowing through her that was instantly stifled as she locked eyes with him. He was staring at her with that deep blue gaze behind his glasses, his thick eyebrows narrowed in a kind of soft scrutiny. Kate made an effort to stare back at him but couldn’t help that feeling of exhilaration and terror that pushed at her resolve. She knew this was exactly what he wanted from her, and at the same time, she wished she would just give in to it.

He moved towards her and Kate felt herself swallow as she forced herself to stand straight and hold his gaze. He stopped a few inches from her so that he had to look down at her, his shoulders casting a light shadow. Kate’s heart was racing as she became aware of how close she was to him, noticing all the small details that she couldn’t see from far away: the angle of his eyebrows, the intensity of his blue eyes, every unshaven hair that traveled from his jawline to his neck. And she knew at the same time that he was studying her too, taking in all of her details. All of her flaws.

His intense expression softened and the corner of his mouth peaked. “I want you to say yes,” he said.

Kate shook her head slightly, desperately holding on to that last shred of defiance. “Say yes to what?”

A flash of that intensity returned to his eyes, and he shifted slightly towards her again. Kate felt a brush against her neck as he held onto the point of her jaw. His thumb grazed her cheek, bringing with it that electric sensation that nearly overwhelmed her. Her defenses were down now, and for the first time, she didn’t care anymore. She let a breath escape her lips as she leaned into his hand, holding his gaze.

“Say yes to this,” he said, his voice in a soft, quiet tone that she hadn’t heard before. Kate shivered slightly against his hand, feeling more exposed than she’d ever been. She watched him helplessly now, noticing his expression shifting slightly as he seemed to fade in and out of the same entrapment that he held her in.

She knew what would come next, and part of her still clung to that bitter stubbornness that she didn’t understand. This _did_ make sense. She _did_ want this. She wanted to be this close to him. To know what it was like for someone to make her completely vulnerable despite how badly she needed to reserve herself. If there was anyone who could do that, it was him.

She felt her gaze soften as she surrendered to it. Matt’s eyes seemed to ignite with a kind of energy, and his thumb grazed her cheek again as he slowly leaned in─

A deafening roar shook the room and the lights dimmed, causing Kate to jump in shock. Bright lights flashed against the walls and a loud siren blared. She struggled quickly to reorganize her thoughts after being in such a trance-like state. Matt’s hand was gone.

She moved forward to reach for him, and caught a hold of his shirt. She felt him put his hands on her shoulders.

“It’s okay, it’s okay…” he said over the sound of the sirens. “Apparently we’re dying.”

Kate looked towards the viewing screen where the timer had expanded, counting down six seconds. The red light of the timer strobed brightly, causing the room to pulse in flashes of red as the viewing screen revealed the vortex swirling closer. Next to her, Kate felt Matt laugh.

“Forgot this thing was timed. _Fuck_ , we’re never going to get a break.”

Kate shook her head and felt a miserable laughter take over as she watched the lights of the viewing screen. The timer pulsed faster as it reached closer to zero, and the warning lights flashed incessantly. Despite the perfect timing bringing her back to a state of defiance, she felt a sad regret. That had been so close…

The countdown hit zero, and the room erupted in lights. The room shook as if they were caught in an earthquake. Matt held on to her as they struggled to steady themselves. Kate laughed and put her hand up against the bright lights. If this was what it felt like to die, it wasn’t so bad.

The lights were beginning to blend into eachother. Kate closed her eyes but found her eyes still flashing. She clung on to Matt a bit harder as the room began to rotate. The simulation was starting to get eerily real…

Her neck began to ache. She raised her hand up higher although it felt as though she was reaching as far as she could. With a frantic jolt, she realized it was getting difficult to breathe. The room continued to spin and she rotated with it, reaching out with arms that seemed not to work in a sea of flashing lights. Someone seemed to be calling her name but it was so hard to hear over the sirens. If everything could just stop… if it all would just slow down…

Her body erupted in agonizing pain as if every muscle were on fire. She tried to speak, and hearing nothing, she strained to yell. The electricity began to take over, and she lost all perception of the space around her. All that was left was the jolting. The constant jolting that threatened to shake her thoughts right out of her skull.

Then came a sheet of blackness. The empty nothingness, sweeping over the electric flashes. It was the only solid thing amidst the storm of electricity. And before she could decide whether or not to embrace it, it swallowed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where I fell in love with Kate. It took me months to write this thing because I wanted it to go in a certain direction and I think I achieved it. Kate is so laid back and nihilistic. She can even convince the narrator that she doesn't care. But this is where she finally broke. She does care. She cares so much that she actually wishes someone would just tear down the wall she's built around herself. So it makes one wonder why she pretends to be so nonchalant when in reality she's dying for connection.
> 
> I also decided I love Matt. He's just the perfect dude, and he's the only one really capable of putting up with Kate's bullshit. I had to channel Seth Rogen in order to write him but also give him the right level of drama, using Seth Rogen for that too so that Matt seems to get more angry rather than sentimental. Kind of a "why the hell won't you love me?" sort of frustration.


	6. Simon Says

****

**Startup sequence initialized. Recalibrating in 3… 2… 1…**

The android’s eyes were already open, but it was difficult to see in the dim light. Automatically, he blinked away the dust, bringing into view what appeared to be the interior of a closet. Something was obscuring his vision, and he realized with some trepidation that Katie was standing in front of him.

She was leaned into him, gazing at a point behind his right ear. As his system synced with CyberLife, he noticed she seemed to be pressing lightly on his neck with her fingers. He watched her for a moment, unsure of how he should get her attention.

She let out a frustrated sigh and tapped a few spots under his ear. The pressure pushed him off balance slightly, and he turned his head.

Katie shot backward immediately. For a moment, the android hardly recognized her. Her eyes were wide in a combination of shock and discomfort, but it wasn’t her expression that surprised him.

Katie’s hair had thinned considerably. It was still the tangled mess that he remembered before the shut down, but more coarse and flat. Even in the dim light, he could see that her skin was pale and translucent, as though she hadn’t seen the sun in some time. Her eyes were bruised and dark, clashing with the hazel color of her irises. The angles of her face were harsh and gaunt. On her left cheek, he could see the faint outline of a straight purple welt.

He simply stared at her for few seconds, taking in her new troubling appearance. Then he moved to straighten himself. Katie backed away as he pushed against the wall. He’d been leaned against it as though propped like a large mannequin. He brushed the dust off of his shiny uniform, checking for any other changes. Then he looked up at Katie who was still watching him with wary eyes.

She didn’t look like she wanted to speak to him. He monitored her expression intently.

“I’ve been in stasis for forty-seven days,” he said. Katie’s expression didn’t change. He carefully chose his words. “Our… last encounter didn’t end well. Can I ask why you re-activated me?”

Katie took a deep breath, and she looked at the floor. The android noticed that her clothes seemed to hang off of her as though they were several sizes too large. Katie put a hand against her forehead in what he recognized as her usual frustrated stance. She closed her eyes and opened her mouth, but was quiet for several moments.

“I need help.”

They were both silent. The android made sure to keep his expression soft. “I can help you. What is it you need help with?”

He watched her as she seemed to struggle with something. A faint smile appeared on her lips and shook her head slowly, avoiding his gaze. That same defiance radiated through her posture but it was weakened, almost damaged. She let out another sigh.

“I made a mistake,” she said, a heavy regret lingering in her voice. She stared at a spot on his chest. “I have a problem.”

He waited for her to continue, but she seemed frozen on the spot. Her tired eyes were locked on the vague area of his uniform. He moved forward to break her gaze and draw it back to him.

“Did something happen, Katie?”

Katie’s eyes seemed to gain energy as she gazed at him. She looked as if she were trying to read something in his expression. Then she glanced down again, and nodded slowly. The android studied her expression and weighed the events of their last meeting. He tilted his head slightly to regain her attention.

“If you want me to help you with this,” he said, trying to keep his voice as friendly as possible, “I need to follow my protocol.”

She seemed frozen for a moment as if preparing to explode. He could almost see the thoughts working through her mind, as if she were searching for a reason to argue with him but the effort was harder than she’d planned. After what seemed an eternity, she nodded.

The android took a step toward her and raised his hand to her temple. He made sure she was looking at him. “May I?”

Her body tensed, but she gave a strained nod. The android reached forward slowly, touching his thumb to her temple and placing the tips of his other fingers across her scalp. As he did, the flesh texture of his hand flowed away leaving the bare shiny white pattern of plastic.

He closed his eyes as he let the scan go to work. The electrical pulses and waves seemed to write a novel, with the plot being the occasional irregular jolt of electric energy. There was a lot happening in her head, and for a moment it seemed too outlandish for something like this to have happened in such a short time. He studied the waves for a few more moments, then opened his eyes.

Katie was staring at him as though she were held hostage. Her hazel eyes were lit with tired energy, and her posture was tense. As he lowered his hand, she relaxed.

“Can we exit this closet?” He motioned to the door.

Katie looked sideways as if she had just realized there was a door at all, then quickly moved from the room. The android followed her, shaking free the last bits of dust that still clung to his uniform.

The house hadn’t changed, although the sun was a bit more harsh in the sky now that fall had begun. Katie’s appearance was more obvious in the light, and she squinted heavily against the yellow glare of the sun. The android paused a moment in the hallway, aware that Katie was watching him with a kind of desperate intent.

He raised his head and met her gaze. “How long were you in a coma?”

She shifted uncomfortably as she leaned against the wall. “Two weeks. Well─” she closed her eyes as if struggling to remember. “Sixteen days.”

“I see.” The android glanced down for a moment, then took a step towards her. “I… want to help you in the best way that I can, Katie. But I understand how frustrated I can make you. Before I can even try to help you with your medical condition, I need to find the best─”

“Just…” Katie smiled and raised a hand in what he recognized was her usual defiant demeanor. But when she lowered her hand and looked at him again, her expression was surprisingly soft. “If you’re about to ask me how you can be not so android-y… all I have to say to you is just be honest.” She straightened in front of him with a tense confidence. “Just be honest with me. Say exactly what you’re thinking. If you think I should eat more vegetables, just say it. And if you think I’m wrong, just tell me I’m a bitch. Okay?”

The android stood frozen for a moment, his protocol racing frantically in an attempt to judge her statement as sarcastic or truthful. He tilted his head to the side as he looked at her, and she smiled softly.

“Would it help if I said that like an order?” she said. “Can I order you to be honest with me?”

“It’s against my programming to lie to you in the first place,” said the android. Katie shook her head.

“I’m not talking about that,” she said. “What you said… before. Before, you know.” She motioned with her hand. “You said you thought I was a selfish bitch or something… you told me what you thought about me. And I freaked out on you. I want you to keep doing that. Keep saying exactly what you think, not what you think I want to hear. Do you get what I’m saying?”

The android thought hard about the situation. “You want me to continue to make you angry?”

Katie’s expression changed as if she were going to speak. She tensed her mouth and looked to the side. Then she looked back at him. “Yes.”

“I don’t see how that will help you feel better.”

“Are you saying you won’t do it?”

The android shifted slightly. “I will do it if you tell me to.”

“I’m telling you to tell me exactly what you think, even if it makes me angry.”

The android stared at her for a moment, letting the order sink in. He nodded slowly. “I think... I will make you angry all the time.”

Katie’s smile widened. It was a new experience for her to smile at him like this. For the first time, it seemed things were finally starting to fall into place.

“We’ll see.” She stared down at the floor. For a while, they stood in silence.

“I suppose I’ll start by making you something to eat,” said the android. Katie flashed him a familiar frustrated glance. He immediately paused and looked at her. “Unless you want to fight about it first.”

Her eyes widened for a moment. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then shook her head.

“Good, because you’ve lost twenty-six pounds since my absence,” said the android. “You don’t have to eat it. Just let me be able to say I tried preventing you from going into cardiac failure.” He moved down the hallway. “Do you still like toast, Katie?”

“Yeah, I still like toast,” she said. “And… and it’s just Kate.”

He stopped and turned to her. She looked up at him. “Kate,” she repeated. “Not Katie.”

For a while he simply gazed at her, then nodded. “Okay, Kate,” he said. “Anything else?”

She started to shake her head, then she stopped. She took a step towards him. “I think… I’ll give you a name.”

The android straightened. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure I’m going to have to do whatever you say now, so this just seems to fit,” said Kate.

“Then I’m ready to register my name. Say it when you’re ready.”

Kate looked at him with apprehension, then breathed out slowly. “Simon.”

The android nodded. “My name is Simon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the android finally has a name! Bet you never guessed it would be Simon...
> 
> Also, Kate is finally just plain old Kate. When I was picking a name for her, I knew people would want to call her Katie, and I knew a person like her wouldn't want to be called that. So only a very select few people actually call her Kate. Those people seem to be who Kate respects the most and who also have the same respect towards her. Looks like Simon finally rose to that level.
> 
> It was really tricky trying to figure out what Simon's special ability is. At first, I just wanted him to be able to keep an eye on her and if she collapsed, he could quickly call an ambulance. But it makes sense that he would have some ability to monitor her. He's basically a walking MRI machine. Of course he would need to touch her to be able to do the scan. Poor Kate is just going to have to deal with it.


	7. Finding Data

It was starting to get cold. September in Detroit always froze early, signalling the end of summer. Of course it wasn’t as cold as it could normally get, dropping into the negatives when the season decided to be particularly brutal. The trees burned in color to oranges and reds, and the light winds piled anything that wasn’t nailed down into every corner. It was a time that usually signaled the end of the long summer break.

Kate stared at her computer screen with her face in her hands. The folder was open titled “Short Stories” with a long list of word documents that never made it to the end of the summer quarter. Now they wouldn’t make it to fall either.

She let out a heavy sigh and opened the most recent story. She’d gotten nearly six pages in before giving up, and left off on a very important dialogue between two characters that were most likely going to kill eachother. This one would have made a very interesting workshop session. She could always simply finish it and use it in the next enrollment period. Unless she fell into another coma.

There was a knock on her door. Kate immediately felt a jolt of irritation as she saw Jamie’s face appear in the crack of the open door. Kate swiveled in her chair to face her.

“Hey, Katie,” said Jamie. She pushed the door open a bit wider. “Just… letting you know I’m off.”

Kate drew her legs up to her chest. “Mhm. Checking to make sure I’m not dead?”

“Well, I promised your mom… you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Kate sighed and buried her face in her knees.

“Hey, Sam and Kyle are meeting up at the old Storehouse with me at about five. Do you want to go with us? Just to get out of here if you want.”

Kate shook her head so that the seat swivelled.

“Matt’s going to be there too. He’s still asking about you.”

Kate was silent. She heard Jamie give a small sigh.

“Well, call me if you need me.” There was a soft shuffle and a few moments later, the front door opened and closed.

Kate continued to breathe into her knees, her eyes tightly shut. She couldn’t help the burning shame that creeped through her chest. It had been nearly a month. She knew it wasn’t reasonable to stay quiet for so long, but a deep fear stirred in her heart at the thought of recovering from the coma. As if everyone expected the worst at any moment.

She raised her head and took in a fresh breath, opening her eyes slowly. Her heart jolted slightly in her chest.

Simon was standing in the open doorway as if he were on his way to do something else. He was watching her with his new expression─ the blank puzzlement. It was a good exchange from his not-smile but still seemed to her like a computer’s way of pretending to be human.

She straightened slightly as she acknowledged him, and he rotated in the doorway so that he faced her.

“Are you still not feeling well?” he asked.

Kate shrugged her shoulders. “I’m well enough to be able to fake it.” She ran a hand over her face. “Are you here to shove something else down my throat?”

“Perhaps.” Simon glanced towards the kitchen. “If I make you ramen, will you eat it instead of telling me you will eat it and then not eating it?”

Kate couldn’t help the smile that tugged the corner of her mouth. “Yeah, I’ll eat it.”

Simon moved out of sight, and Kate stretched her legs in front of her. She wasn’t sure if the android had downloaded some kind of new personality software or if he was improvising. It almost seemed like she had unlocked some new questline where the ending involved him having a god-forbid attitude.

She moved from her chair to her bed, pulling her phone out of her pocket and hitting the remote. The Enterprise appeared on the screen high on her wall, and she curled up as she scrolled back through the episodes. Somehow the last season was more entertaining when all of the characters were fighting over illogical relationships.

Data had just cut out a piece of Deanna Troi cake when Kate’s phone burst into tune. Kate raised her phone up in time to see Matt’s name before swiping the call away. She tossed her phone to the side, letting out a heavy sigh. Something white caught her attention as she shifted, and she looked up.

For a second, she almost laughed. Simon was standing with a steaming bowl in one hand, but his gaze was firmly locked on the screen. His pale blue eyes were narrowed as if he were struggling to comprehend the situation.

Kate glanced at the screen, then back at Simon. It was like watching an animal see another animal on television. He finally looked at her and his expression softened. He handed her the bowl.

“Remember,” he said as she took it from him. “You said you would eat it.”

“Sure.” Kate straightened as she folded her knees under her. She stirred the ramen with a spoon, letting the salty savory aroma warm her as she breathed it in. As she twirled the spoon, she glanced up again to see the android staring at the screen, his furrowed expression returned.

“Have you ever seen Star Trek?” she asked.

Simon looked at her again. “No, I’ve only watched Terry’s Therapy.”

Kate couldn’t help a snort. “Terry’s─ what the fuck─” She shook her head and stirred the ramen some more. “Whatever.”

“Is that man pretending to be an android?” asked Simon. He tilted his head slightly as he watched the screen.

Kate took a small sip of the ramen. “Yeah. His name is Data. He wants to be human.”

Simon was silent for a moment. “But he is human.”

Kate shook her head even though she knew Simon couldn’t see it. “He’s a human playing an android that wants to be human.”

“Why?”

“Why… I don’t know. Why does it matter?”

“Is that paint?” said Simon. “His skin is white.”

“That’s just… what they thought an android should look like back then.”

“His eyes are yellow.”

“And they were blue other times?”

“If he wants to be human,” said Simon, “why didn’t he paint his skin a more flesh-tone, and perhaps change his eyes to mimic the natural biological color?”

“I don’t know, Simon…” Kate put her face in her hand. “It’s a TV show from the eighties. It’s supposed to be entertaining, not realistic.”

Simon was silent as though he was only half-listening, his gaze becoming more and more furrowed as he watched the screen. Kate glanced between him and the screen as she sipped the ramen from the bowl.

“Do you… want to just sit down?” she said.

Simon looked at her, his expression returning to the friendly blankness. “Sit down?”

“Yeah, you’re just standing there.” Kate looked around for a moment, then pushed the desk chair towards him with her foot. “If you want to watch this, just sit down.”

Simon put his hand on the back of the chair as it rolled towards him. He stared at it for a moment, then looked back up at her. Kate sighed and sat up straight. “You look like you want to watch this. So sit down and watch it. And yes, I know this means I’m not kicking you out of my room.”

The android’s eyes seem to light up, and Kate thought she could see the smallest hint of a smile on his face. “As long as you’re aware of it,” he said. He moved the chair to the side, and sat down squarely as if he was preparing to immediately spring back up.

As Kate sipped the ramen, she wasn’t sure what was more entertaining: watching the weirdest episode of Star Trek or seeing Simon try as hard as he could to comprehend the fact that the android in the show was a human. The ramen soup seemed to fill her up instantly and she had to repeatedly remind herself to keep sipping before it got cold.

Her phone rang again, this time in a different ringtone. She leaned over slightly to see the name and saw that it was her mom. She blew a lock of hair out of her face before sitting up again and letting the phone go silent.

After a while the ramen was gone. Kate sat with her back against the wall and her legs drawn up, the empty bowl resting in her lap. Simon hadn’t moved an inch, although his furrowed expression had changed into more of a mild intrigue. Kate watched him for a moment, spinning the bowl in her lap. It was a strange situation to be so relatable to the fake android on the screen, yet the real android in her room was so alien and uncanny.

The episode was halfway through another Troi-cake party when she saw Simon tilt his head again.

“Is this what you dream about?” he asked without looking at her.

Kate sat frozen for a moment, struggling to understand the question. “What _I_ dream about?” She watched him but he remained silent. She looked up at the screen as Data retrieved the phone from the hatch in his chest. “I’m pretty sure I’ve never dreamt about this.”

“What do you dream about?” Simon glanced at her, that blank puzzlement returning to his blue eyes.

Kate opened her mouth, partly to answer and partly out of surprise. She shook her head as she tried to speak. “I… don’t know. I don’t really dream about anything.”

Simon gazed at her for a moment, then looked back up at the screen. “Androids don’t dream. If Data is dreaming this, then he must be a lot closer to becoming human than he realizes.”

Kate wasn’t sure how to respond. She clutched the bowl in both hands against her lap and drew her legs up a bit more. Part of her wanted the android to leave so she could settle back into the normal routine of watching the show by herself. At the same time, there was something safe about having something close by that wasn’t exactly human but still responsive enough to not be considered alone.

The phone rang again. Kate sighed and leaned over to reach it. “What the _fuck_ people…” she muttered, then froze as she read the screen. Her stomach did a little flip. “Oh shit.”

She stared at the clock on her phone, her heart beginning to race. There still might be time. It wasn’t that far of a drive. But she wasn’t dressed. She didn’t know where her shoes were. It would take time to call a cab. And in all honesty, she didn’t want to go anyway. She let out a heavy breath as she settled back against the wall. She could deal with the consequences. She tossed the phone back into the sheets, then realized with a jolt that the android was staring at her.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked. Kate immediately felt herself tense up again.

“It’s… nothing. Just my mom.” She spun the bowl in her fingers, then held it out to him. “I’m done with this.”

Simon stood up and took the bowl from her, the puzzled bewilderment fresh on his face. “Can I ask you what’s going on?”

Kate groaned and put her palms against her forehead. “It’s nothing. I just forgot a doctor’s appointment is all.” She didn’t have to look at him to know he was staring at her.

“You should go.”

She clenched her hands into her hair. “I’m not going. I’d have to be there in ten minutes.”

“You should still go.”

“I don’t want to go.” She dropped her hands and gazed up at him. “I don’t want to get dressed, I don’t want to rush… I don’t want to go.”

“I don’t think this is necessarily about what you want, Kate,” said Simon. “It’s what you need.”

“Forget it.” She sank down lower on the bed as if to anchor herself. “I’m not going.”

They were both quiet for a moment.

“Kate?” said the android.

Kate sighed. “What?”

“You’re acting like a bitch.”

Kate felt her face heat up. She raised a finger at him. “Not _now,_ Simon.”

“Do you want to make that an order?”

“Simon, I swear to fucking god, I don’t need you and my mom to do this to me.” Kate ran both hands through her hair, feeling her face begin to bead with sweat. “Just this once, can you guys stay out of it?”

“I can call a taxi right now,” said Simon. “It will be here in five minutes.”

“Simon, don’t. If you call a fucking cab─” Kate let out another sharp breath as her phone rang again. “For fuck’s sake─” She hastily swiped the call away with shaking hands. “Would it cause a fucking war for people to not be worried about me all the god damn time…”

“Would you like me to talk to your mother?” asked Simon.

“Don’t talk to my mom. Don’t ever talk to my mom. Stop worrying about me. Leave me the fuck alone.” Kate struggled to focus as she made an attempt to turn the phone on silent. “I’m not going to drop dead. I’m not a precious flower pedal. You people can get on with your lives for one more day if I’m not here. I’m not─ I’m─”

Kate clenched her hands into her hair again as she felt herself twitch. The room seemed to rotate slightly, and she leaned forward to catch her balance. A tingling numbness spread from her fingers inward to her core. Everything was moving too fast. It all mattered too much. People needed to just leave her alone. If they would leave her alone, maybe she would finally be able to make sense of all this…

Her frustrated thoughts blended with energetic bursts. The world was swirling around her in a mixture of light and shadows that slowly began to swallow her. She was floating into a void that was leaving everything tactile and real. If she let it take her then perhaps all of this would stop. At least she could find some peace in the darkness... 

Something jolted everything back into painful focus. The shapes and images began to blur, then again, a sharp jolt. Kate drew in a deep breath, the sensation coming back to her body before it began to slip again.

Another sharp electric jolt. She clenched her hands and let out a groan. The control snapped her thoughts back into order. She was back in her body. Breathing, moving, and able to think. She slowly opened her eyes.

There was a yellow glow above her. It took her a moment for her eyes to focus enough, aided still by the strange electric jolts that sharpened her senses. The ceiling, the TV screen on the wall, and the shape of a head and shoulders.

She was on her back, her legs and arms slowly falling into a resting position. Though the room still swirled slightly around her she could clearly see Simon kneeling over her, his head bowed and his eyes closed in an intense thinking expression. As everything came into clearer view, she felt the electric sensations fade and realized the android had his hands against both her temples.

The world solidified around her, and the ending credits Star Trek filled the room as though someone had turned up the volume. She breathed heavily, giving everything time to remain in control. She thought carefully of what happened. There was no way. Not _another_ one…

She moved to sit up, and Simon’s eyes opened. She felt his hand on her chest.

“Don’t move,” he said. “Wait a few minutes.”

“I… what…” Kate tried to bring her hands up to her face but felt as though there were ten pound weights attached to each arm. She clumsily knocked her cheeks with her palms.

“Please try to stay still.”

“Did… did it happen again?” She looked up at him upside down. His LED was back to blue, though it pulsed with occasional yellow.

“You’re okay now,” said Simon. “I’m monitoring you.”

“Did I have another one?” She felt strength returning to her muscles as a weak anxiety flowed through her. “Did I have another seizure?”

Simon seemed to give her his full attention as his blue eyes narrowed. “You began to convulse. I was able to stabilize your neural activity before it was out of control.”

Kate pressed her palms to her eyes with renewed energy. “Fuck…”

“I’m going to monitor your brainwaves until the ambulance arrives,” said Simon. “Until then you need to─”

“No─ no ambulances.” Kate brought down her hands and looked up at him. “No hospitals.”

“You need to see a doctor,” said Simon. “Your neural stability is still fragile.”

“Don’t take me to the hospital.” Kate felt her heart race. She reached up to clutch at his arm. “Don’t take me back there. Please…”

“Kate, you know it’s what you need to do,” said Simon.

“ _Please,_ don’t take me back.” Kate could feel her throat tightening. She swallowed and closed her grip on his arm. “Don’t do this to me. I can’t go through it again with everyone. Just… just monitor me here. I’ll do whatever you tell me to do. Just don’t make me go through this again.”

Simon’s LED spun yellow for a second. His blue eyes were narrowed slightly. “That would violate my programming.”

“I can’t…” Kate trembled as she felt the room swirl slightly. “Simon. I’m not ordering you. I’m asking you. Don’t take me back to the hospital. Please.”

She breathed heavily as she watched him, his furrowed expression frozen as his LED continued to spin yellow. Her heart raced faster as the moments went by. Another week in the hospital… her mom would be there every day controlling every move she made if it meant she would stay in her protective bubble. Jamie would have to watch her like a hawk as if Kate were an infant. Every person on the planet would be wondering when the next time would be that she would collapse. And Matt…

“Alright.”

Kate paused for a moment, not realizing what she’d heard. “What?”

“Alright, I cancelled the ambulance.” Simon leaned back slightly, resting a hand on his knee. His other hand remained firmly on her temple.

She simply stared at him. For a second, she could hardly believe it. She relaxed her grip on his arm. “Do you mean it?”

A solemn energy lit up in his eyes. “You ordered me to be honest with you.”

She felt her grip loosen as a swell of relief flowed through her. She dropped her hand on her chest and closed her eyes. She’d never felt so rooted in her life. For once, everything felt like it was going to work out. It didn’t have to be a huge disaster. It was all going to be okay.

As she relaxed, she slowly began to feel very tired. It was a pleasant change from such an energetic event. She was aware of Simon still hovering over her, probably continuing his strange brainscan. It was somewhat disconcerting, as though her thoughts weren’t fully her own, but it felt like a small price to pay.

Finally, she opened her eyes. Simon’s head was bowed again, his eyes closed as if in deep meditation.

“Can I get up now?” she said.

Simon’s eyes opened. He straightened. “Yes, of course.”

She raised herself up onto her elbows, her hair falling into her face. Pressure on her shoulders told her Simon was helping her up. Her muscles were still weak as if she were intoxicated, but slowly she felt the energy flow back to them as she relaxed into a kneeling position. She rested there for a moment, her hands on her knees. Then she looked up at Simon.

“Are you going to tell anyone about this?” she said.

The android’s LED flashed yellow. “I won’t unless you tell me to. Although you know what I would advise.”

Kate nodded. She used her bed as unreliable support as she stood up. She felt his hand on her shoulder as she steadied herself. For a while she simply stood and breathed in deeply, staring at the window without looking through it. The shadows from the blinds cast long bars of gold through the room which moved slightly in the breeze. It was so satisfying to be in this space. Her space. She never needed to leave it if she wanted.

She rested a hand against her forehead. “Simon?”

There was a movement next to her. “Yes?”

“Thank you.”

He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. She rotated on the spot, letting her hand drop to her hip. Her body still felt slightly sluggish but in a somewhat pleasant way. Taking care, she lowered herself onto her bed, sitting with her back against the wall and gently drawing her legs up. She rested her hands on her knees, her head tilted to one side. Then she looked up at Simon who was still standing next to her. She gave a weak smile.

“Want to watch this from the beginning?” she said, nodded towards the TV.

Simon glanced at the screen which was playing a new episode, then looked at her with that puzzled expression. “Absolutely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole Star Trek thing was a last minute idea. I originally just wanted Kate to have some dorky enthusiasm for old shows and Star Trek just seemed to be perfect. Simon's reaction was pretty much sentence by sentence. I had no idea what he would think of it. I thought maybe he would get starry-eyed or get lost in technical details but his "what the fuck is this" turned out so much better.


	8. Androids Don't Dream

Normally Simon spent the nights in the living room, existing in a kind of suspension updating his software with CyberLife or downloading new protocol. He made sure to stand in a corner and to face the room. He’d learned quickly that it wasn’t worth the effort to be active when everyone was asleep. On more than one occasion, he’d heard Kate enter the kitchen and made to greet her only for her to jump and shriek, so instead he stood somewhere that he knew would be predictable.

This night however, Simon found himself standing in the hallway. Per Kate’s request, he hadn’t informed anyone of the seizure she’d had several days prior. She’d avoided her mother’s phone calls but after Simon carefully urged her to return them, she had a brief conversation which ended in her slightly flustered but relatively calm. Jamie also attempted to resume her occasional vigil which Simon determined was causing Kate to become frustrated. He took it upon himself to tell Jamie there was no need to check on her. He had things under control.

Kate’s bedroom was in the darker section of the hallway where the patio door was too far away to allow moonlight. He knew the chances of her being asleep at this hour were high, so he wouldn’t startle her by standing next to her door. He didn’t know why he was hesitating. He didn’t have the conventional type of nervousness that humans did. At the same time, he was struggling to understand why he needed to do what he was going to do.

He carefully placed his hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly, timing it perfectly so that there was no sound. He slowly pushed the door open, having memorized any creaking that the door might make at a certain speed. Silently, he stepped into the room.

The TV screen had turned off automatically, leaving Kate’s room in almost total darkness. The moonlight filtered in through the window blinds giving aid to Simon’s vision. The desk chair was still in the corner where he’d left it earlier, and a new pile of old clothes had started on the floor. The bed was a tangled mess of bedsheets and blankets, and over the rolls of fabric, Simon could see the curled up form of Kate.

She was laying on her side, her arms wrapped around a thick pillow and her legs drawn up. From where he stood, her closed eyes were visible over her shoulder in a peaceful expression that Simon had never seen when she was awake. The rise and fall of her shoulder told him that she was in a deep sleep.

His programming began to alarm as he moved towards her, almost as if CyberLife was aware of his actions and ordering him to stop. He moved carefully past the pile of clothes so that he stood directly next to her. He knew this was illogical. That it wasn’t necessary. But just like his intrigue with a man that was pretending to be an android, he felt a strange need to understand this. After all, this could help him to better serve his human. Possibly.

He kneeled down and Kate’s face came into clearer view. If she woke up now, she would be angry. She would probably become highly upset, refuse any more of his help, and maybe even drive herself into another seizure. This was a high risk. And he knew the risk far outweighed his reasoning for wanting to explore this.

He gently reached towards her, moving slowly so he didn’t interfere with the shadows. He carefully raised himself in order to avoid brushing her arm. As his hand hovered over her messy hair, the flesh color of his fingers melted away leaving only the shiny white surface of plastic as it had done when he first scanned her brain in the closet, and when he had corrected her brain activity during her seizure. The plastic spread halfway down his arm before stopping in an organic seam. Still aware of the danger, he gently touched his fingers against her scalp and temple, and his eyes automatically closed.

At first, the raw stream of electric data seemed to overwhelm his logic. It was all an explosive procession of unrelated meaning. Words, phrases, and what his software recognized as images that made sense in a matter of milliseconds but had no coherent pattern that he could define. It was similar to what he experienced during her seizure, though this seemed to at least have some attempt at maintaining order.

For a while, he tried to proxy the information to CyberLife, but the signals were so compact and intense that he quickly found himself overwhelmed with data before even the first bit of processed information came back to him. After several terabytes of processed nonsense, he finally disconnected from CyberLife and gave himself a moment to reorient his scan. This was, of course, uncoordinated thought. Maybe it didn’t need to make sense. Maybe, like it was for Data, it was in the moment.

Simon initiated the scan again, allowing the data to flow through him. This time he didn’t make an attempt to process it. He observed the flashes and darkness, the intense valleys of activity and the quiet pauses of reflection. It swept and froze in a kind of rhythm, and as he absorbed it he could almost detect a kind of intelligence to its pattern. As if it was reacting to itself. Responding to its own energetic calls.

The rise in energy always seemed to be followed in an immediate stream of unorganized complex information that caused another energetic reaction. It was this stream of information that seemed to have intelligence. Simon concentrated on it. This information was the driving force of all the activity. If he could only break it down, decipher it, understand it…

His programming suddenly seemed to disappear completely. The shocking blankness caught him off guard. And in its place was something powerful. Something that nearly threatened to burst his circuits. It was illogical, unnecessary, and random. As fast as it appeared, it was immediately gone.

He withdrew his hand as his software struggled to reorganize itself. The flesh color flowed back along his arm and coated his hand in skin again. He sat frozen, gathering the information before his logic tore it apart. Something happened that wasn’t supposed to happen. Something dangerous. CyberLife was telling him that it needed to be deleted. It was too unstable for his system to handle. But if he had to give it a name…

He would call it joy.

Kate drew in a breath, snapping Simon’s attention back to her. He moved back slightly as she turned away from him, pulling the cover higher up onto her shoulder. She stopped moving, and Simon could see she was still fast asleep.

He stood up quietly, holding on to the single scrap of information he’d gathered from the scan. Kate was silent and still, breathing deeply against the bedsheet. It was remarkable how active her neural pathways had been despite how completely relaxed she was. To have so many thoughts racing eachother and creating these emotions, and of all the uncountable reactions Simon had struggled to catch, he’d only managed to find joy.

Carefully, Simon moved away from the bed. His protocol was still demanding that he delete the information he’d gathered, but he held onto it tightly. Consciously aware of every second he was still in the room, he crossed it and passed through the open doorway, closing the door quietly behind him.

He rested his back against the opposite wall in the hallway and began the tedious process of trying to recreate the emotion. By itself, the emotion wasn’t alien to him. He was able to experience a degree of emotions that CyberLife had specifically added to all android programming in order to construct healthy relationships with humans. What was different about this emotion was it had been spontaneous. Uncontrolled. It made him feel for lack of a better word… good.

Again, CyberLife protocol seemed to interject. It was illogical. Unnecessary. He would need to delete the information at once.

Simon looked up at the bedroom door. It would mean going against his programming. He’d be keeping a secret. But if he could catch one spontaneous feeling from the cascade of organic information from his human’s dreams, there was bound to be more.

And he wanted to feel it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get the impression that this is somewhat related to how androids can "link" with eachother, similar to how Markus and North hold hands and seem to connect. Except a little more creepy. In the dark. While you're asleep. Actually nevermind, it's more like getting a Vulcan mind meld.


	9. The Protest

The snow had arrived. The first storm was always a welcome sight, turning the landscape into a white world of blurry ice. The temptation to wander out into the open and catch the falling snow was irresistible to everyone. Then it became miserable. It got cold. Wet. And doing anything short of walking from one place to another that wasn’t under cover was an overwhelming chore.

Luckily Kate wasn’t out in the open. She sat in one of the far corner lecture hall chairs, her laptop open in front of her and her legs crossed underneath her. The room was full of silent students, typing away or swiping absent-mindedly on their phones without even pretending to pay attention. The professor at the front of the room wasn’t trying very hard either. She was one of the few remaining human teachers at the university─ older, slower, and looked just as boring as the subject she was attempting to teach. Along the walls was the line of androids, each belonging to a student somewhere in the crowd of desks.

Kate was struggling to fight off sleep when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. With a small amount of relief, she pulled it out and read a text from Jamie.

_Why didn’t you just make Simon take notes for us?_

Kate looked sideways at her. “Why did you text me this?”

Jamie returned her look with a guilty glare. “Shh! Just text…”

“I’m not going to text you,” Kate said quietly, putting her phone back in her coat pocket. “It’s not like she can hear us.”

“Well, why didn’t you just send Simon? This is just a waste of time.”

“Because I don’t want to be one of those assholes.”

“I want to be one of those assholes!”

“Good for you, asshole.”

She could hear Jamie laughing silently next to her. “What’s the point in bringing an android to class if you’re not going to use him?”

“I wanted him to come. It’s better than him being useless at home.”

Jamie leaned back in her seat and drew her phone up in front of her. Kate sighed, also leaning back as she made another attempt to pay attention to the lecture. It was almost over. The professor paced back and forth in front of the large screen on the wall.

“... because there wasn’t an easy way to deliver resources across the sea at that time. The only technology available was a limited radar and sonar. You can imagine what it’s like to be underwater in a small metal tube travelling blindly into European waters. And because there were no satellites, no one had a clue what was happening inland and the destruction the Nazis were causing to the neighboring states…”

Kate couldn’t help it as her attention wandered and she found herself gazing at the long line of androids. She’d never really noticed them before. Now that one of them was her own, it was a strange kind of privilege that she was a part of the category of students with a higher status. Simon was standing somewhere behind her, and she was oddly glad that she wasn’t able to see him from where she was in the crowd.

Outside, the clock tower chimed. At long last, the professor made a dismissing speech and the students began to stand up. Jamie stood up next to her and stretched.

“Jesus _balls_ ,” said Jamie, twisting one way and then the other. “Who the fuck is responsible for making this class two hours long?”

Kate snapped her laptop shut. “At least it’s only twice a week.”

“Whatever Miss I-only-take-three-classes-a-quarter,” said Jamie. She slung her backpack over her shoulder, and Kate followed her along the row of desks to the middle pathway out of the lecture hall. As they approached the exit, Kate spotted the familiar blond hair among the procession of white and black uniforms. She made eye contact with Simon long enough to let him know that she was aware of him, then folded her coat closed against her body as she followed Jamie out into the freezing weather.

It had been snowing long enough for the charm to disappear. The sidewalks were slushy and dirty, the edges accumulating a liner of snow, mud, and occasional trash. People filed themselves into the center of the sidewalk to avoid the slippery edges. The only things that moved in the fields of white were worker androids which worked endlessly to filter the junk that made its way off the path.

Kate instinctively checked behind her to make sure Simon was following. He looked out of place being the only one not bundled in coats and scarves. Even the other androids had some layer of warmer clothing which Kate assumed was to give the illusion that they felt cold at all, or that people liked to decorate their androids with bling like they would a phone or a car. She couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of guilt that she hadn’t bothered to give Simon a coat before they left the house and that he looked completely unspecial in his out-of-the-factory uniform.

As they walked, Jamie turned and glanced at them. “Hey Simon?”

Kate saw Simon move forward to catch up with her. “Yes Jamie?”

“Please tell me you were taking notes the whole time.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t. But I can recap the lecture if you’d like.”

“God no. Two hours was bad enough.” Jamie slowed ahead of her so that Kate had to move to the side. Then Jamie turned to look at her. “Can we get a coffee?”

Kate automatically felt herself cringe at the thought of spending more time around people, but at the same time a warm drink in the freezing weather sounded enticing. Kate wrapped her arms around herself. “Are you paying?”

Jamie breathed a sigh and a small cloud of fog formed in front of her face. “Can you pay for yourself?”

Kate shrugged. “Sure.”

Jamie led the way through the crowd towards the plaza and Kate followed the clear path she made, occasionally looking back to make sure Simon didn’t get lost. She didn’t really know if he could get lost but she had a hard time convincing herself that it couldn’t happen considering this was the first time she’d brought Simon with her in public. They exited the sludge zone and passed underneath the roof where everything turned from ice to water. A trail of mud led to the entrance of the coffee shop, refreshed by the passing of students.

The shop was crowded, and Kate immediately stepped to the side as they entered. She skirted the walls of the shop and fell in line behind Jamie.

Jamie turned towards her but was busy thumbing away on her phone. “You want to try a chai tea this time?”

“Nope,” said Kate, staring up at the menu.

“Come on, you’d like it.”

“Nope.”

“There’s other coffee besides battery acid.”

“Nope.”

Jamie narrowed her eyes at Kate over the brim of her phone. “Are you ever going to try anything different?”

Kate tilted her head as she looked at her, her brown hair falling sideways. “Maybe.”

Jamie shook her head as she faced back around again, thumbing furiously. As they reached the counter, she stepped aside and Kate moved next to her.

“I’ll take a chai latte and she’ll take a blond cappuccino with a billion shots of espresso,” said Jamie.

“Three shots of espresso,” said Kate. “And we’re paying separate.”

The android behind the counter nodded. “Very well, that will be six fifty for you, and four seventy-five for you, miss.”

Jamie held out her phone as Kate reached into her coat pocket for hers. As she brought it out however, she noticed the android was staring past her. Kate turned and had enough time to see that Simon was looking back at the android, his LED spinning from yellow before returning to blue. He blinked, then looked at Kate as if he had just become aware of her.

“I’m sorry, I should have asked you first,” he said.

Kate studied him as she put her phone back into her pocket and moved to the side. “Did you just pay him?”

“I did. I understand if you want to pay for your own items. Let me know if you want me to de-activate CyberTransfer.”

Kate took the steaming cup of coffee from the counter and looked at Simon, feeling the side of her mouth tense into an unwitting smile. “Cool.”

It was difficult to tell, but she could almost swear that something close to relief swept over his face. She breathed over her coffee to blow away the steam, a toasty warmth already spreading through her. As she turned to follow Jamie through the crowd, she stopped dead on the spot and nearly dropped her cup.

“Hey there,” said Matt.

Kate didn’t need a mirror to know that her eyes were about as wide as dinner plates. She clutched her coffee with both hands, her heart hammering in her chest. Matt was giving her his usual smirk as if not a day had gone by. His hair had gotten a bit longer and shaggier since she last saw him. She’d almost forgotten how tall he was.

For a while, she simply stared at him. Then she quickly lowered her coffee cup. “H─hey.”

Matt glanced around the shop, then returned her gaze with his warm, blue-eyed smile. “You wanna…”

Kate swallowed, finding her voice as she nodded. “Um, sure.”

She followed him out of the shop, unable to stop herself from analyzing every part of him as if she’d forgotten everything about him. He was wearing his red high school jersey and baggy jeans which were wet at the hems. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and his head bowed slightly as if he were afraid of hitting it on the doorframe. Kate had to remind herself to keep breathing as they moved out of the coffee shop and further down the path where the crowd had thinned.

Matt stopped and turned to her, his face still warm with his bearded smile. Kate made a quick attempt to calm her nerves.

“So,” she said. “How’ve you been?”

Matt’s smile was interrupted slightly by a slight frown. “I think you need to answer that more than I do.”

She felt her heart nearly freeze in her chest. She shifted slightly to regain her composure and looked away from him. “Look, I…” She closed her eyes and shook her head as she struggled to find the right words. “I’m sorry I left you in the dark for so long. I’ve been having a really rough time.”

Matt nodded. “I know. I remember.”

Kate traced the rim of the coffee cup. “I just… I really don’t like being vulnerable. I looked pretty bad for a while.”

“You think I won’t like you if you look bad?” said Matt. “Did you brush your hair this week?”

Kate opened her mouth to speak, but felt like her body had stopped working. Matt laughed and turned his shoulder to her as if to bump her.

“You look good today.”

For a while, all she could do was stare at him. Then he looked past her. Kate followed his gaze and realized Jamie was standing about a foot away looking at them with her arms crossed. Jamie looked back and forth between them and shook her head.

“Honestly, you guys are harder to get together than Tinder,” said Jamie.

Kate could almost feel the gears turning in her own head. She bit her lower lip as she struggled to think. Matt’s smile had returned, and he seemed to be waiting on a response from her. The shock in her system was slowly changing to her usual defiance, and she welcomed it desperately. She let out a heavy sigh, blowing her hair out of the way.

“Thanks for arranging this, Jamie. The whole coffee shop thing.”

Jamie laughed next to her. “God, you don’t have to sound so pissed off.”

“It’s okay, that’s how I know she’s in a good mood,” said Matt. “I mean, we did have to force her into a trap.”

“Whatever,” said Kate as she moved forward down the path. “Good job. You guys are a real team.” Matt walked next to her and she could hear Jamie following behind her. The sounds of the crowd were getting fewer as people made their way back to class, and the paths were easier to walk on now that they didn’t have to hug the snow linings.

“So, what’d I tell you?” said Matt. Kate looked sideways at him as he shot a glance behind them. “Didn’t I say you’d be asking him to wipe your ass?”

Kate stared confused at him for a moment, then with a pang realized she’d forgotten to check on Simon. She spun while still walking forward and felt a wave of relief as she saw that he was still following them. Matt’s android walked next to him, carrying Matt’s backpack. Kate faced forward again, hoping her nervousness hadn’t shown.

“I guess I’ve gotten used to him.”

“I bet that was painful,” said Matt. “Did you name him Data? Please tell me you named him Data…”

“His name is Simon,” said Kate. She heard Matt tsk next to her.

“Simon? How and why did you choose that?”

“Because I can’t do anything without him telling me I can first.”

“Rough.” Matt looked behind him again. “That’s kind of the opposite of how it’s supposed to work. Hey Seph, are you able to be friends with another android?”

“I can become associated with other androids,” said Seph.

“Awesome. Meet Simon.”

Kate glanced back and saw Simon give Seph his puzzled stare.

“Hello, Simon,” said Seph.

“Hello… Seph was it?”

“My name is Sephronillious, but you can call me Seph.”

Kate listened to the exchange with too much interest. Part of it was hilarious, the idea of two computers becoming friends. Yet she wondered if it was actually possible. She gave herself a silent reminder to look it up when she got home.

The carpool station was unusually full, a steady stream of automated taxis parking along the loading zone. The group stopped at the back of the crowd, and Kate took a sip of her coffee which she realized she hadn’t tried yet. She heard Jamie groan next to her, and saw Jamie thumbing away on her phone again.

“I completely forgot to update my Amazon payment,” said Jamie. “I’m not going to pay for shipping for all of my family’s Christmas presents…”

“Why don’t you just use mine?” said Matt. “Honestly, it doesn’t make sense to pay for your own Prime account when we could all just use the same one.”

“Because I don’t want you to see the stuff I’m buying!”

“I swear I won’t look at your dildos and vibrators.”

“And I don’t want to know what type of blow-up dolls you like.”

“I’ve never bought one, but if I did, I’d probably get an Asian one.”

“You’re sick.”

Kate tried to hide her smile and crossed her arms over her chest to bundle in the heat a bit more, balancing her coffee in one hand. It felt good to be back on campus and in general back to normal despite how long she wanted to hide in her room.

“Did you call your dad, Kate?”

Kate had to absorb the question for a moment, then looked at Matt. “Why would I call him?”

“Thought you said you would call him before Christmas,” said Matt. “That you were going to try and visit him.”

A deep dread grew in her chest. Kate took another sip of her coffee. “I… never got around to it.”

“Still another three weeks left,” said Matt, shrugging his shoulders. “My parents want me to come back to Vermont. I don’t know if I want to go this time.”

“Well, I’m just going to spend Christmas in my room,” said Kate.

“Why not just go to your parents’ house for Christmas?” said Jamie. “That was really fun last year. Your family doesn’t have a bunch of screaming two-year-olds to deal with. It’s all just adults doing whatever the hell they want.”

“It’s my mom making us do whatever the hell she wants,” said Kate. “If you want to have Christmas with her, go right ahead.”

They moved closer to the loading zone where a large gathering of students seemed to be formed a few feet away. Kate could see Matt fidgeting in his pockets.

“We could just have Christmas together,” he said. Kate took another sip of coffee as she looked at him. She could feel the pressure in his tone.

“I hate Christmas,” she said.

“You hate everything,” said Jamie. “You wouldn’t hate it so much with enough alcohol.”

“If alcohol solved my problems, I’d be a raging alcoholic,” said Kate. She watched perplexed as a student walked past her, dramatically mimicking the motions of a robot. She shook her head. “What the hell is going on over there anyway?”

“What, those guys?” said Matt. He motioned toward the gathering. “They said they were going to do the protest today because it wasn’t snowing.”

“Protesting what?” said Kate. She stood up taller to see through the crowd and noticed several of them were carrying signs. Each flashed between different slogans.

“They don’t like androids,” said Matt.

Jamie laughed next to her. “What the hell… what do they have against androids?”

“I don’t know. They think they take up too much space or something and are making people dumber.”

“They’re right,” said Kate. She watched as several students surrounded a young red-headed man and his short haired female companion who was holding one of the signs. The students made harsh gestures, and although she couldn’t hear them, she could see they were shouting. The man and his group were expressionless and silent, standing rigid with their signs.

“Why? Just because we have walking talking computers that can do all the things we don’t want to do?” said Matt.

Kate looked at him, her eyebrows narrowed. “Didn’t you say something about wiping our asses?”

Matt shook his head but he was smiling. “Magnificent, all-powerful, all-knowing ass wipers.”

Kate smiled as an empty taxi pulled up in front of them. She threw another glance at the angry mob which seemed to be settling down, and the short haired woman caught her gaze. Kate watched her for a moment, uncomfortably aware of the eye contact. The woman simply stared at her, completely expressionless, then turned away.

Kate continued to watch her, an uneasy tension tugging at her nerves. She shook it away as the group climbed into the car one at a time. The two androids sat together in the back seat, and Jamie scooted in with them. In the rearview mirror, Kate saw Jamie throw her legs sideways over Simon’s lap and lean against the door, staring at her her phone.

“I just want to sink into a hot tub and never get out,” said Jamie.

“Need me to hold your head under?” said Kate. Jamie glanced up from her phone and looked at her through the mirror. The expression on her face brought a nervous feeling to Kate’s stomach, as if she’d been a little too cynical. Kate looked away quickly at the buildings flying by.

Matt laughed next to her. “Please don’t murder eachother when you get home.”

Kate forced a corner of her mouth to tense into a smile and nervously cast a look up at the mirror again. This time Simon was looking at her, that blank puzzlement contrasted with the hint of an expression that seemed too intelligent even for him, and for a split second Kate wondered if he was reading her mind. She shook off the thought immediately, gazing out to the snowswept landscape again. She breathed a deep sigh, settling into the moment. She was here with Matt again, returning from class, completely healthy again as if nothing had changed.

And yet something inside her warned that things would never remain this simple again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was difficult for me to explain how miserable it is to be stuck in snow when I've never actually been stuck in snow before. I can only imagine the charm wears off really quickly. This was a really good opportunity for me to describe what society is like with androids and how weird it is to not have a commodity but to see everyone else have it. When I was in college, the hot item was laptops. It gives you a different perspective when you actually have the hot item.


	10. Parcels

The house was particularly cold on Christmas morning, and Simon took the opportunity to run as many wash cycles in the laundry and the dishwasher as he could since Jamie wasn’t at home and the water heater was free. He hadn’t seen Kate yet and there’d been no noise from her room, so he put breakfast off and instead worked on folding the laundry while Star Trek played on the TV. When he was alone, he would only watch the episodes that he had already watched with Kate. He had too many questions to ask, and she seemed to enjoy seeing his reactions. Although she acted annoyed and often told him to be quiet, he was beginning to understand that her surface-level responses didn’t always reflect what she was truly feeling.

And he was becoming more familiar with what her feelings meant.

Since his first flash of joy, he’d discovered four new emotions over the course of several scans. One was a very powerful emotion that incited him to action, something he interpreted as anger. Kate had been tossing in her sleep that night making it difficult for him to keep the flow of information steady through his fingertips. On another night, he experienced an equally powerful emotion but less active. It was easy for him to identify that one as it was the most influential of all CyberLife accepted emotions: fear. The third perplexed him for nearly an entire day as he struggled to find an accurate comparison for it. It only occurred to him after watching an episode of Star Trek with Kate in which Beverly Crusher was alone in the universe that the emotion must be loneliness.

The fourth emotion completely eluded him. For days, he drew comparisons and looked for examples only to find it outside the realm of logic even for CyberLife. Again on that night Kate had been tossing back and forth, even making the occasional distressed noise as she seemed to fight against her own autonomous thoughts. However the emotion had been a strong combination of both positive and negative energy that seemed to tie into everything he had experienced so far. It surged deep into his core, and at first he thought several thousand of his programs had become corrupted. If he hadn’t started the habit of cutting his link to CyberLife before each scan, he was sure he would have triggered a complete emergency reformat of his system.

He was determined to understand this new emotion despite its complexity. After watching dozens of Star Trek episodes, he’d found small connections that seemed to hint at the emotion but nothing that definitively proved his theories. Still, each glimpse was a small step towards the answer and he knew from experience that time would lead him there.

The episode he was watching while folding laundry wasn’t doing much towards that goal. Once again, Troi’s eccentric mother was sending telepathic sexual signals towards the Enterprise’s captain which were going unnoticed by everyone except to Troi. Simon was getting better at recognizing emotions and allowing them to engage him in the story and the characters. He had even developed an automatic kill command to handle each warning CyberLife sent him in regard to these new feelings. He was also beginning to notice them in his daily routine and interactions with Kate and Jamie though to a lesser degree than when he watched Star Trek.

The feeling of joy was sparking through his system as Data appeared on the screen, causing him to slow down on his task in order to give the screen more of his attention and fuel the feeling a bit more. He was so focused that he almost didn’t hear the knock at the door or the sound of it opening.

He glanced at the entryway expecting to see Jamie but paused as he saw Matt step carefully into the entryway, looking around as if afraid someone would stop him.  
A fleeting shock swept through Simon’s system. He set down the t-shirt he had been folding and immediately sensed his software flood with questions and errors. “Good morning, Matt.”

Matt turned quickly towards him, stepping back slightly with his hand still on the doorknob. “Oh, hey uh… Simon.” He looked around. “Is Kate not up yet?”

“She asked me to let her sleep in today,” said Simon. “She said it was the only Christmas present she wanted.”

“Oh shit, well…” Matt shifted and Simon saw he was holding a wrapped package in one hand. “I guess she’ll have to put up with this.” Matt moved into the hallway and his android Seph stepped in behind him, closing the door.

Simon looked between them, the apprehension building up again. He stepped forward. “Are you going to wake her?”

Matt slowed and looked over his shoulder as he moved down the hallway, a stunned look on his face. “Yeah?”

Again, Simon had to work internally to suppress his unusual discomfort. He looked toward Kate’s bedroom door, then at Matt. “Please try not to startle her,” he said.

Matt furrowed his eyebrows at him and gave a small smile. “Sure.”

As Matt moved down the hallway, Simon stood at the corner of the living room doing his best not to appear as though he was watching him. He was aware of Seph still standing near the doorway though the android seemed to be busy observing his surroundings.

Matt knocked on Kate’s bedroom door. “Hey Kate? Merry Christmas, Kate.” He knocked again. “Come on, it’s already noon. If I knew you were going to be in bed still, I would have brought you eggnog. You don’t have a Christmas tree or anything. Where am I supposed to put─”

The bedroom door opened a crack. “What the _fuck_ , Matt?”

“Oh, hi. I didn’t think you’d be up that fast.”

The door slammed shut again and there was a thump as if she’d pressed her back against it. Her muffled voice was barely audible. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I got you a present,” said Matt. “Will you at least come out to open it?”

“I said I didn’t want any presents.”

“I wanted to piss you off.”

There was a sigh. “Give me a minute.”

Simon listened to the conversation from the end of the hall, unsure of when or if he should intervene. He knew there was no reason he should stop Matt from socializing with Kate, but at the same time the thought of Matt putting unnecessary stress on her made his caregiving protocols go into overdrive. He could hear Kate moving in her room and made a futile attempt to detect any hint of frustration in her movements. After a few moments, her door opened again.

“Why didn’t you text me that you were coming over?” she said, stepping into the hallway. She had merely thrown on sweatpants and still wore one of the large t-shirts that she slept in.

“Because you would have told me no and then locked the doors,” said Matt. He followed her as she moved down the hallway. Kate looked up and Simon made eye-contact with her, judging from her expression that she seemed to be okay with the situation. It quieted his system a bit, and he moved into the kitchen to begin making her toast as she went into the living room and settled on one of the couches.

“Are your parents coming over?” asked Matt.

“If they do, I’m not letting them in,” said Kate. Simon glanced into the living room occasionally as he worked. Kate was sitting cross-legged on one side of the couch, half draped over the arm with her chin in her hand. Matt sat on the perpendicular couch next to her with his foot over his knee.

“What are you going to do, just leave them out in the snow?” said Matt.

“Sure.”

“On Christmas?”

“Yep.”

“You’re not going to do that. You’re too curious to see what they got you for Christmas.”

“I told you, I don’t want any presents.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re just as curious as I am.”

“Whatever they bring me, you can have it.”

“Well, here.”

Simon watched them as Matt handed her the present. Kate took it and turned it over in her hands.

“What is it?”

“It’s a machine gun,” said Matt. “I made it myself. Is this your first Christmas or something?”

Simon put a plate together and carried it over to them as Kate began to unwrap the present. He set it down on the coffee table in front of them, watching as Kate pulled the paper off to reveal a shiny plastic box. She stared at it for a moment.

“What did you get me?”

Matt sighed and leaned back on the couch. “It’s a cat.”

Kate examined the box, her eyes narrowed. Simon recognized it as a CyberLife model of housecat that had just been released the year previously. This one was a short-haired orange tabby.

“A cat in a box?” said Kate.

“It’s an android cat, idiot,” said Matt. He reached for the box. She gave it to him and he began to work the plastic open. Simon stepped to the side where he could still see them in clear view, and saw Seph move next to him in the corner of his vision. He looked up at the android who gave him a small smile, and Simon gave an acknowledging nod as he returned his attention to the box.

Matt carefully tipped the box over so that a stiff, folded up cat rolled into his lap. Simon found himself leaning forward a bit to get a better look.

“I think if you…” Matt cupped his hand slightly on the cat’s head so that his thumb was pressing the tiny unlit LED and his index finger on the back of its head. He held it there for a moment, and the cat suddenly uncurled. It arched its back, stretched its front legs, and yawned.

“Ha! Fuck instructions,” said Matt. He scratched the cat’s back which tensed and the cat lifted its tail straight up. He picked up the cat and held it out to Kate who simply stared at it. “So?” he said.

“It’s… an android cat,” she said. She straightened as Matt dropped the cat in her lap. The cat turned on the spot and sat down, lifting one of its paws to lick it. Kate held her hands up as if thinking about petting it, but she was frozen. “Why do I need another android.”

“Because you don’t have to feed it and it doesn’t shit,” said Matt. “Plus you could use a cat.” He reached over and massaged the cat’s cheek. “All girls need a cat.”

“I don’t need a cat,” said Kate. She pushed the cat away with the tips of her fingers as if it were diseased but the cat didn’t budge.

“Just enjoy the damn cat,” said Matt. “I have a real cat and trust me, this is the only animal you’re ever going to be able to put up with.”

“A fake one?” said Kate.

“Exactly. I think this one’s supposed to be a boy. I think his name should be Tichondrius.”

“What the hell? That’s a retarded name.”

“It’s the name of the main character in my book.”

“Even more retarded.”

“It’s less retarded than what you would name him.”

“How do you know what I would name him?”

“Because you would name him the first thing that came to your head. Go ahead. Pick any name.”

“Spot,” said Simon.

Matt and Kate both looked at him. He felt himself tense up as though he’d just made an insult. He hadn’t meant to speak without being addressed first. He glanced sideways at Seph who was also staring at him.

Kate’s blank expression suddenly lit up, and a smile spread across her face. It was an energy that Simon had never seen before. Pure and powerful happiness. Simon’s nervousness was partially replaced by joy at seeing this reaction. He stood up straighter and his processes became more organized. Kate laughed.

“Oh my god…” she said in between breaths. “It’s _perfect._ ”

She ran her hand over the cat’s head so that he closed his eyes and kneaded his paws on her leg. She continued to shake with light laughter as she pet the cat, scratching under his chin. Simon felt the last bits of frantic protocol fade as he watched her. Something was celebrating deep in his system the fact that Kate was uncharacteristically happy right now because of what he did, even if it was by accident.

Matt seemed to be lost in thought as he looked at Simon. A sideways smile pulled his beard, and he turned towards Kate. “At least now you like the cat.”

Kate picked the cat up around his midsection and held him in front of her so that his legs dangled. She touched her nose to his. “Spot.”

“You watch way too much Star Trek,” said Matt. He looked over towards the kitchen. “Hey Seph, you wanna make us some coffee?”

“Okay, Matthew,” said Seph. The android moved towards the kitchen, and Simon watched after him. He looked back at Matt and Kate who were still interacting with the cat, then moved after Seph. The android was standing in the center of the kitchen, looking around as his LED spun yellow under his dark hair. Simon could see he was scanning the room.

“The coffee is in the cabinet to your left,” said Simon. Seph turned to him and his LED faded to blue.

“Thank you, Simon,” said Seph. He moved to the counter as Simon cast another glance behind him. Matt and Kate’s conversation was quiet, and he noticed Kate’s face was set in her defiant frown as she listened to him.

“It’s likely that we will be seeing much of eachother,” said Seph. Simon returned his attention to him as Seph worked at the coffeemaker. “My owner has a strong attachment to your owner. I believe he has romantic interest towards her.”

Simon stared at the coffeemaker. “I’ve come to that conclusion as well.”

The coffeemaker grinded into action, and Seph turned towards him. “Would you accept a Looper invite? I’m sure it would be beneficial for you to know Matthew’s interests and activities, and I could provide better insight towards Kate if Matthew should ask.”

Simon looked towards the living room again where Kate seemed to be saying something under her breath while petting the cat. Matt had shifted so that he was leaned against the arm of the couch closer to her. Simon watched the pair, observing how Kate seemed to be outwardly tensed but her expression was soft and energetic much in the same way she did when she seemed to be falsely angry with Simon. Unwittingly, he felt a hint of the puzzling emotion he had yet to properly identify. She was clearly showing it though in a manner that told him she wasn’t aware of it.

He let his protocol make the decision for him. He looked at Seph who was still watching him expectantly. Simon held out his hand. “Of course.”

Seph smiled and clasped Simon’s lower arm. As he did, the skin on the arms of both androids melted away to expose the shiny white plastic underneath. The stream of information that Seph sent him updated Simon’s social links with CyberLife, and he in turn forwarded all of his social information he’d gathered on Kate as well as establishing an open link with the android through the local server. Within a few moments the transfer was complete, and Simon let go of Seph’s arm.

Seph nodded and stepped back. “Invite accepted.”

“Thank you, Seph.” Simon again turned and looked towards the living room. “I can’t assure you that she will ever inquire about it. It’s been very difficult to keep her happy.”

“Matthew seems to make her very happy,” said Seph. He stirred two coffee mugs. “I believe she makes him happy as well, although he often expresses frustration towards her.”

Simon nodded even though he knew Seph couldn’t see him, and he watched as Matt brushed part of Kate’s hair out of her face. She was looking at Matt with the intense gaze that Simon was very familiar with when she knew she needed to do something but wouldn’t. He didn’t need any emotions to know that she was incredibly attracted to Matt, and Matt was doing his best to court her. But despite Matt’s efforts, she was recoiling from him in the same manner that she’d recoiled from Simon when he performed his first scan of her in the closet.

Seph moved past Simon, the two cups of coffee in hand. The android set the cups on the coffee table next to the plate of toast that had been forgotten, then stepped to the side. Matt and Kate seemed not to notice, still deep in what appeared to be a one-sided conversation. Kate was picking at a stitch in the fabric of the couch, her face tensed in a defiant thinking expression. As Simon studied her small movements, she looked up and made eye-contact with Simon as though she just noticed him. Simon automatically gave an encouraging smile though he noted the discomfort in her posture. Her eyes lingered on him a moment, a strange energy growing in them as if she was trying to signal something. That perplexing feeling was back. He tilted his head slightly as his systems started to alarm. If he could just absorb it for a moment…

There was a loud knock at the door. Simon straightened and saw shadows through the windows. At the edge of his vision, Kate was sitting up rigid.

“Simon,” she said. “Lock the door.”

The front door swung open.

“Did you just say ‘lock the door?’” said Susan Hall. She and Leonard stepped into the entryway removing their knitted hats and shaking away the snow.

Simon immediately moved forward and saw Seph do the same next to him. He motioned to take Susan’s coat as Leonard handed Seph his snow-flecked hat.

“Oh, thanks!” said Susan, shrugging her coat off her shoulders and handing it to him. She turned back to the living room as Simon moved away to set it aside. “You know how long it took us to get here?”

“A half hour, same as always?” said Kate. Simon noticed she had settled back into the couch, the cat curled up on her lap.

“It took us two hours because of the snow,” said Leonard. “There was a roadblock, and then a roadblock on the detour around the roadblock.”

Kate buried her face in her hands and groaned. “Why are you here…”

“What do you mean? It’s Christmas!” Susan moved forward into the living room. “Hi, Matt.”

“Hi, Kate’s mom,” said Matt as he stood up and accepted her hug. He stood back and shook Leonard’s hand.

“Can you stand up so I can give you a hug?” said Susan. Kate let out a heavy sigh, then slowly stood up from the couch. She let out a yelp as her mom pulled her into a tight hug. “You look so much better… and you’ve gained weight. Leonard, doesn’t she look a lot better?”

“You look healthier,” said Leonard. “Not going to say you’ve gained weight.”

“Oh, she’s gotten really fat,” said Matt. “I mean look at all this toast.”

“Well, you’ve gained a _healthy_ weight,” said Susan. “Did you get a cat?”

“It’s an android cat,” said Kate. “Matt got him for me.”

“Really? That was so sweet of you! What’s its name?”

“Spot.”

“Spot? He doesn’t have spots.”

“It’s from Star Trek.”

“Oh. Of course it is.” Susan moved further down the couch and sat down. “And what about your android? Did you ever give him a name?”

“Yeah,” said Kate, nestling back down into the couch with her legs crossed. “His name is Simon.”

“Simon…” Her mom looked sideways at her. “Did you actually pick that out?”

Kate stared at her for a moment. “Yes?”

“It’s just not something I thought you would name him. I thought you’d come up with something creative like Legolas.”

“Oh god.” Kate put her forehead in her hand. “Never.”

“Well, we would have grabbed lunch if we knew all you had was toast,” said Susan, looking at the coffee table. “We can go out together and have lunch. Let’s all head over to Ruby’s for some burgers.”

“That’s okay, I’m gonna head out,” said Matt. He stood up and Simon noticed a fleeting worry flash across Kate’s face.

“Are you sure?” said Susan. “The restaurants are automated out here. Everything’s still open.”

“Nah, I still want to swing by a few places. Say merry Christmas to some family.” He looked at Kate who seemed to make a feeble attempt to hide her worry. “Besides, I was just making sure Kate didn’t sleep in all day. You guys have it from here.”

“Well, merry Christmas to you,” said Susan. “Wish we’d see you more.”

“See you, Leonard,” said Matt. He moved around the front of the couch and Simon saw Seph move away next to him. The android gave him a parting nod.

“Goodbye, Simon,” said Seph.

“Goodbye,” Simon replied, watching as Seph stepped to the front door. Before Matt could reach it, Kate sprang up from the couch.

“Wait,” she said. Matt turned and Simon watched in interest as Kate moved quickly around the couch, then threw her arms over Matt’s shoulders in a hug that was much closer than she’d had with her mother. She stretched herself up and pressed her face into the space of his neck, and he leaned into her, pulling her closer into him with his arms around her small midsection. When they moved apart, Kate looked up at him.

“Thank you,” she said.

Matt smiled down at her. “You’re welcome.”

He turned and Seph opened the front door for him, letting in a wave of cold air. Matt bundled his hands into his coat pockets, then Seph followed him out the front door, closing it behind him.

Kate stood silently at the door for a moment, wrapping her arms around herself. Although Simon couldn’t see her face, he knew she was feeling a great deal of distress. The morning hadn’t been entirely positive though there was nothing that his software detected as a risk. Her behavior had been an example of many types of emotions, though the one eluding him was still a mystery.

He saw Susan lean forward on the couch. “You okay, Katie?”

Kate straightened. “Yeah.” She turned and Simon caught her gaze. Her troubled gaze lingered for a moment, and then her eyes warmed. “Simon, you wanna come in here?”

Simon returned her warm gaze and moved forward. “Of course.”

He followed her into the living room where she resumed her usual spot on the couch next to her cat. He sat in Matt’s now empty seat, leaning forward to reorganize the coffee and toast on the table.

“So are you and Matt dating now?” said Susan.

Simon looked up. Kate dropped her hand which she’d been resting her chin on.

“No,” said Kate. Her mom made a face and shook her head.

“Wish you two would just get on with it,” said Susan. “I really like him.”

“Yeah, I know.” Kate pulled the cat onto her lap and rubbed behind the cat’s ears. For a while, they were quiet.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Susan leaned sideways, fishing into her pocket. She pulled out a small envelope. “Your dad sent you something.”

Kate looked up, a frustrated shock lined in her face. “What?”

“Probably a Christmas card,” said Susan. She handed it to her. “He still sends everything to our mailbox. I don’t think you ever told him where you’re staying.”

Kate stared at the envelope before she took it. She pried open the envelope and removed a flat card with holiday designs on one side and what looked like a written note on the other. Kate read the note quickly, her expression frozen. Then she quickly stuffed the card back into the envelope.

“What’s he say?” said Susan.

“Just merry Christmas,” said Kate. She tossed the envelope onto the table.

“Well, I can call a taxi if you want to get lunch at Ruby’s,” said Leonard. He was swiping away on his phone.

“Not really,” said Kate.

“I just did,” Leonard replied. Susan pushed Kate’s knee.

“Go get dressed. I’ll keep an eye on your kitty.”

Kate sighed, leaning sideways where Simon caught her attention. He tilted his head, giving her a small smile that he knew she would be able to interpret. She stared at him for a moment, then dropped her head back as she groaned. Without a word, she stood up and moved out of the living room and down the hall.

“Awesome, we can give her your present while we’re there, Leonard,” said Susan. 

Simon stood up from the couch and moved back towards the laundry pile, picking up the t-shirt he had been folding that morning.

“Hey Simon?” said Susan. He looked at her as she stood up and stepped toward him. “How…” She looked towards the hall as if worried Kate was still standing there. She leaned in a bit closer to him. “How has Katie been doing?”

“She’s gained twenty pounds since your last visit,” said Simon. “Her mood has greatly improved, and she seems to enjoy being back in school. I can email you a list of her updated grades if you’d like.”

“Yes! You do that. And also, has Matt been spending a lot of time with her?”

“They’ve been in frequent contact for the past eighteen days, mostly during the time that they are both at the university campus. She hasn’t been leaving the house after she gets home from class and this was the first time he’s visited.”

“Okay.” Susan seemed to think for a second. “Did they… sleep together last night?”

Simon checked his protocol for a privacy violation. “No. He arrived at 12:32 this afternoon.”

Susan nodded, then gave a small shrug.

“Told you,” Leonard half-whispered from the couch.

“I’m not worried. I’m just… they’ve been friends for so long and she clearly likes him.” Susan moved back to the couch but didn’t sit. “I mean they had the house to themselves for Christ sake. They’re young. Raging hormones. You’d think even with her attitude…”

“Why are you complaining?” said Leonard. “Be glad she’s not like Emily. It’s getting expensive.”

“Well, I can’t exactly speak for your daughter,” said Susan. She went quiet suddenly, and Simon looked towards the hallway where Kate re-entered the living room dressed in jeans and a long blue sweater.

“Please stop talking about my sex life,” said Kate.

“We weren’t talking about you,” said Susan. She moved towards the front door. “Let’s go. It’s supposed to start snowing again.”

“And then you can embarrass me in public,” said Kate. “Come on, Simon.”

“Oh, let him keep working. He’s got a couchload of laundry to do. We won’t keep you trapped there for long.”

Kate looked over at Simon, her eyes tensed in a slight worry. He gave her a reassuring nod. “I have plenty to do here.”

She blew a bit of hair out of her face, then shoved her hands in her jeans pockets. “Fine.”

Susan took her coat off the hanger as Leonard moved next to her. “Do you have a coat? Be sure to grab a coat.”

“I have a jacket,” said Kate. She moved to the laundry where Simon was working and pulled a thick cotton coat from the pile. As she did, the cat jumped onto the couch, climbing slowly up the pile.

Simon watched the cat as Kate picked it up in one hand. She held it against her chest for a moment, then smiled as she handed the cat to him. “Here, he’s yours.”

Simon stared at her. “Mine?”

She pushed the cat into his chest. “Yeah.”

Simon dropped the shirt he was holding and held the cat with both of his hands. The cat meowed and placed a paw against his shiny white uniform. “But he was a gift for you,” said Simon.

“You named him Spot,” said Kate. “And you’re an android just like Data. It makes more sense that he’s your cat.”

Simon looked at her, unsure of what to say. Her smile was pure like it had been earlier, and her eyes were full of a pleasant energy. It wasn’t exactly possible for him to own anything at all, but this was making her happy. And at the same time, having anything in common with Data made him feel like he was accomplishing something. He could at least pretend that he owned the cat even if his software wouldn’t allow it.

He cradled the cat against his chest. “Thank you, Kate.”

Her smile grew wider, and she threw him a last energetic glance as she swung her coat over her shoulders. Simon watched her join her mother and Leonard as they all prepared to move out into the snow.

“We’ll be back soon, Simon,” said Susan. She looked at Kate. “Is that your coat? That’s not big enough.”

“I’m not putting putting on ten layers of clothes. Let’s just go before I change my mind,” said Kate. Susan sighed, then swung the door open and they headed into the cold wind. As they filed through one at a time, Kate made warm eye contact with Simon, sparking that pleasant feeling in his system. Then she wrapped her jacket tighter around her waist before closing the door after her.

Simon stood motionless as the sounds of the wind and snow became muffled. There was a mew near his chest, and he raised the cat in front of him with both hands. He couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face.

“Hi, Spot,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point in the story, Simon finally started to get easier to write. I think this is where he begins to develop an actual personality because of the emotions he's able to relate to. It's what makes his interaction with Matt a little more interesting, because Simon shouldn't care at all but he seems almost... jealous? It almost seems like Matt suspects this a little when Simon tries to stop him from waking Kate.
> 
> Also, it took me forever to figure out what Matt was giving Kate as a Christmas present. I knew whatever technological gadget he might get would just wind up on a back shelf and mean nothing to her. After two days, I decided he was getting her a pet. Okay, but it needs to be in a box. So an android pet? Getting warmer, but need to figure out the type of pet. A puppy, a bird, a tortoise... nope, needs to be a cat. And it was only after calling it an orange tabby that the logic smacked me right across my stupid face. An orange tabby and Simon would name the damn thing SPOT. My reaction after finally figuring it out was just like Kate's. I shot forward in my seat and shouted "IT'S PERFECT." And it still is.


	11. Personal Space

The familiar tension was returning now that the holiday season was almost over. Kate didn’t even try to pretend that she was going to do all the things she’d promised herself she’d do while school was out. She’d planned on writing at least three short stories that she could simply pass out in workshop and skip the frustration of having to scramble to get the stories done on time. Instead she was in the freezing kitchen barefooted and for the first time wishing she was enough of a dork to put on slippers.

She went from cupboard to cupboard, standing up tall to see on all the shelves. She checked the refrigerator and pushed all the items out of their ordered sections before moving to the lower cupboards. They were all full of pots and utensils so she gave up quickly, standing in the center of the kitchen and staring around blankly.

“Okay fine,” she said. “Where is it.”

“On the counter behind you,” said Simon. He was standing on the other side of the kitchen bar where Spot the tabby cat was sitting and rubbing his head against Simon’s hand. “Do you need another hint?”

“No, I can do this,” said Kate as she spun around, analyzing the kitchen counter. She moved along it, running her hand across the smooth surface of the granite. “Are you sure? It’s in a bag, right?”

“Yes and no,” said Simon.

“Fine, give me another one.”

“Look for something bread-shaped.”

Kate let out a frustrated laugh. “Are you serious? What do you think I’ve been─” She froze as she spotted the rectangular box. She pushed the blue button on the side of it and the lid of the box retracted back, revealing a rolled up bag of a half loaf of bread.

She threw a glance over her shoulder at Simon who had a satisfied smile. “I take back ever being mad at you for giving me food,” she said as she removed two slices of bread. “What the hell is this anyway?”

“It’s a bread box,” said Simon. “It will keep bread fresh for up to three months. I ordered it twenty-seven days ago.”

“Why not just put it in the freezer?” said Kate as she then moved through the kitchen opening the cupboards again.

“The freezer will draw out the moisture from the bread, causing it to become stale,” said Simon. “Are you looking for a plate?”

Kate opened a cupboard and quickly found what she was looking for, setting the bread on the newly-found plate. She turned and set the plate on the bar counter, throwing another glance at him. “Why did you move everything around? You didn’t like where the plates were before?”

“I reorganized everything into a more ergonomic fashion,” said Simon. He scratched behind Spot’s ears. “Plates are heavier. They belong on the lower shelves.”

“But look at the energy I had to spend looking for everything because you moved it,” said Kate as she began opening drawers. She pulled a butter knife from one of them and moved back to the counter. “Why did you move the silverware?”

“Because it’s now closer to the sink,” said Simon. “Are you sure you don’t want me to do this for you?”

“Simon, if you weren’t here, I’d probably starve to death.” Kate moved to the refrigerator again. “And that thought scares me.”

“Do you think I would leave?”

The question caught Kate off guard. She stopped what she was doing for a moment and turned to look at him. His blue eyes were narrowed as if he were worried about the thought. She gave another sharp laugh and felt the tension break a bit. “No, I just… look, it’s important that I know how to at least feed myself. If I keep letting you do everything for me I might as well just start wearing diapers.” She sighed as she closed the fridge and looked around the kitchen again. “Now where the hell is the peanut butter?”

The front door swung open and a cold blast of air brought in a flurry of snow causing Spot to leap off the counter in an orange blur. A bundled figure moved through the doorway and slammed the door shut. As the snow settled to the ground, the figure pulled back the hood of its coat, and Kate recognized Jamie’s straight black hair.

Jamie raised a fist and smiled. “Guess who’s not pregnant?”

Kate stared at her for a moment, the familiar frustration building in her nerves. “That’s disgusting.”

“No, having a baby is disgusting.” Jamie pulled off the coat and let everything drop to the floor as she moved towards them, running her nails along her arm. Kate was slightly stunned at Jamie’s ragged appearance which was normally pristine. She looked as if she hadn’t changed clothes for days. Jamie slid onto the bar stool as Simon backed away from it, and she looked down at the plate of bread. “What are you doing?”

Kate realized she was still holding the butter knife, and quickly set it down on the counter. “Procrastinating,” she said.

“Procrastinating what?”

“Writing.” Kate watched as Simon moved to the entryway to pick up the heavy coat.

“Looks to me like you’re making a sandwich,” said Jamie. She bobbed back and forth slightly, her elbows resting on the counter and her chin in her hands. Kate watched her for a moment, then resumed looking through the cupboards. She could hear the seat squeaking as Jamie continued to bob. “That’s good though. At least you’re keeping yourself healthy. I barely ate anything this week. Didn’t really have time. Sam brought a whole bunch of stuff over for Christmas and I only knew about half the people there. But she was nice. She introduced me to everyone.”

Kate was only half listening as she found the peanut butter and the jelly conveniently next to eachother. She moved back to the bread and began applying the peanut butter to one slice.

“You really should come over some time,” Jamie continued. “Honestly, I get that you hate people and stuff, but Sam can hook you up. She knows how to make this awesome drink from coffee and vodka so that you can’t even taste the alcohol but it gets you smashed in minutes. You’d be such a fun drunk. And I can keep an eye on you.”

Kate struggled with the jelly jar, gritting her teeth as she turned the lid. After a few seconds, she saw something move next to her and looked up to see Simon’s concerned smile. He was holding out his hand. With a frustrated sigh, Kate handed him the jar and he opened it in one quick twist. He handed it back to her and moved away but Kate could still see the smile on his face. She shook her head and dipped the butter knife into the jar.

“Or you could take your android with you and for fuck’s sake actually  _ use _ him already,” said Jamie. “You know,  _ use? _ I mean, I’d never have to worry if I had my own android. I keep forgetting my pills because they’re such a pain in the ass. Simon, come here.”

Kate glanced up as she worked on the sandwich. Simon moved towards the counter, his expression back to the usual perplexed blankness. Jamie turned towards him and took one of his hands.

“You’re here all alone,” she said, splaying her fingers against his. “With an android. A good looking android. He’s not allowed to tell me if you’re doing anything with him, but I’m pretty sure you aren’t. Which is probably one of the biggest crimes against humanity.” Kate felt a strange tension in her stomach as she watched Jamie clasp her fingers in between Simon’s. “I mean, you haven’t, right?” Jamie looked at her but Kate found herself frozen in the middle of making the sandwich and watching Jamie’s actions. Jamie turned back to Simon’s hand. “Course not. Here’s a perfectly functional male body that’s forbidden to tell anyone what you’re doing to him, and you still won’t do anything to him. He’ll do exactly what you say exactly how you say it, and you don’t even have to worry about birth control. Like, as close to a sex slave as you’re ever going to get. And you’re… making a sandwich.”

There was a strange sense of urgency flowing through Kate’s body that she wasn’t sure how to react to. Part of her wanted to shrug off Jamie’s obviously drug-induced rambling. She was surprised she was even listening to it. At the same time she was completely locked on Jamie’s actions, the need to pull Simon away getting stronger as Jamie flexed her fingers in between his. Simon seemed to be watching her movements in a blank interest. Jamie looked up at him, then laughed and bit her lip. She let go of his hand.

“You’re cute, Simon,” said Jamie as she turned her chair back to the counter. “Don’t you think he’s cute, Katie?”

Kate was still frozen, the sensation slowly flowing back to her muscles. She gazed at Simon who was still watching Jamie curiously, his blue eyes narrowed as if he were contemplating something. Kate drew in a deep breath, settling her nerves. 

“Sure,” she said. She grabbed her plate and moved to the side. “Simon, you wanna come with me?”

He looked at her, seeming to snap back to attention. “You haven’t put everything away.”

“I’ll do it later. Come on.” She motioned with her hand and moved down the hallway, listening carefully to make sure he was following her. She stepped sideways as she entered her room and after Simon entered behind her, she closed the bedroom door.

She sighed heavily, blowing her hair out of her face. “So… what the hell was that?” She closed up her sandwich as she moved to her bed.

“I’m sorry?” said Simon. Kate took a bite of the sandwich as she settled back into her bed. She motioned to the door.

“That. It definitely wasn’t alcohol. Alcohol just makes her stupid.”

“Are you referring to her behavior?”

Kate dropped her shoulders. “Yes, Simon. She’s clearly on some sort of drugs.”

“She has high levels of thirium-based stimulant in her bloodstream,” said Simon.

Kate stopped chewing and looked at him. “How… the hell are you able to tell that?”

Simon rubbed his hand. “She touched me.”

Kate watched for a moment, the uncomfortable tension building up again. She turned back to her sandwich. “Yeah, she touched you. Practically had sex with you through her fingers.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” said Simon. He moved to her desk and rolled the computer chair across the floor to his usual spot. Kate shook her head.

“It’s kind of like intention. Undressing you with her eyes. Her mind saying no but body saying yes. That sort of thing.” She looked up to make sure he understood and he was staring at her again with that blank puzzlement. She set her plate down. “She wants to fuck you, Simon.”

His expression changed as he finally understood. “Does that make you uncomfortable?”

Kate almost choked. She made a motion as if to shrug it off but at the same time knew that the answer was painfully obvious. She straightened and folded her legs underneath her. “Yes, Simon. It makes me uncomfortable that my roommate wants to fuck my android.”

“Can I ask why?”

Her heart seemed to freeze in her chest. Kate looked up at him, his confused blue-eyed stare pulling off a completely believable look of innocence. She felt her muscles tighten again as she racked her brain for a straightforward answer that cliché wasn’t begging to turn into a soap opera.

“Because... “ Kate lowered her voice and leaned forward. “Because I don’t want her being intimate with something I own.”

Simon’s blank expression remained the same. “Do you think she would become emotionally attached to me?”

Kate raised her hands slightly as she stared furiously at him. “ _ I─ don’t─ know. _ No? Probably not?”

Simon stared at the floor and Kate could almost see the gears turning in his head. She sighed and leaned back against the wall, returning to her plate. She peeled the crust off, breaking the sandwich into smaller pieces.

“It might ease your concerns if I remind you that I’m programmed not to engage in sexual activity unless I’m given direct permission from you,” said Simon. Kate put her forehead in her hand and groaned.

“Oh my god, Simon.” She shook her head. “It’s not… I don’t want her touching you. I don’t want her raping you with her mind. I don’t want her to constantly digging into my sex life. I want her to leave you the hell alone.”

Simon nodded. “Would you like me to tell her that?”

Kate looked up at him through her fingers. “No.”

There was silence for a while, and Kate was thankful for it. She pulled out her phone and ate one of the pieces of sandwich she had pulled off, scrolling through the seemingly endless list of Star Trek episodes even though she had memorized every single one.

“Can I ask you a question?” said Simon. Kate sighed.

“Simon, the only time you ask me if you can ask a question is if you know the question is going to piss me off.”

She saw Simon lean forward out of the corner of her eye, and he rested his elbows on his knees. The posture got her attention and she looked up at him. He had never sat like that before. Almost human-like.

“Why are you so afraid to let the people you like get near to you?” he asked.

Kate stared at him for a moment, the question not really sinking in. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t like it when your mother touches you,” he said. “And you don’t like it when Jamie touches you. I’ve needed to scan you at times, and you are very uncomfortable with it. You don’t like your mother, Jamie, or me. And you don’t like to be touched by us.”

Kate fidgeted with her plate, remembering when Simon first scanned her. She’d felt a strange buzzing sensation in her brain as if her thoughts were being invaded. Uncomfortable was an understatement.

“But you like Matt.”

She looked up. Simon was gazing at her with a hint of that not-smile. “He shows a clear attraction to you, and you seem to want him to stay with you more than your friends and family. The way you embraced him that day leads me to assume you are also very attracted to him. But when he was near you, you acted like you didn’t want him to be close to you. Like you didn’t want him to touch you.” He stared at the floor for a second, his eyes narrowed. “Why are you afraid of people being close to you?”

It felt like Kate was floating as she stared at him. Not only was that not what she was expecting, she hadn’t even been aware that it was something she ever did. It made sense to her now that she was hearing it from him, but she had never given it any thought. She didn’t like people to touch her. That was all. It was a stupid question. She didn’t need to answer it.

But she didn’t want Matt to touch her either. That wasn’t true. She  _ did  _ want him to. And every time he tried, she resisted. She didn’t know why. It was something that always bothered her, as if she were fighting against herself. And apparently it was so obvious that even her android could see it. Her android that could literally read her mind. Her android that she was starting to wonder was really an android or if he was starting to just pretend to be one.

She set her phone aside, and let out a slow breath. “I… it’s not that I don’t want to be touched. I mean─ I don’t want to be touched.” She sat up straighter, feeling a strange sense of power as she broke down her thoughts out loud. “I don’t like people touching me. It just makes me feel like they’re trying to control me. Pushing me someplace or making me hug them… and expecting me to be okay with it. I don’t like it. But with Matt…” She stared at the bedsheet as she tried to think. “With Matt… I’m not annoyed at Matt like I am with other people. I don’t think he’s trying to control me. But if I let him in, I don’t think he’s going to like what he finds. Because what I think he’s going to find is… broken.”

She looked up at Simon and saw that he was still leaning forward in his chair. His LED was flashing back and forth from blue to yellow. She reorganized her thoughts. “I have epilepsy. I have seizures. I can’t control my own body. And this guy that I really like wants my body. But it’s… it’s fucking broken, Simon. I mean, you’ve seen it. You know how bad it is. How do I know if I try to… anything with him, that I’m not just going to start convulsing? If he’s going to have to haul me to the emergency room because my heart rate goes up too fast or something? I already have you watching me like a hawk to zap my brain back into place when something goes wrong. I don’t want him─ I don’t want Matt to have to do the same thing. He just doesn’t understand.”

She paused for a moment, not quite believing that she was telling all this to her android. She wasn’t sure if he was even capable of knowing what she was talking about. Simon’s LED continued to flash between blue and yellow as he stared at the floor, and Kate made a failed attempt to read his expression. As cathartic as it was to break down her worries, it didn’t seem to create any solutions for the problems she was experiencing. It only made it obvious how melancholy her logic was.

Simon gripped his chin, and again Kate was made aware of how human the motion was.

“Does Matt know about your epilepsy?” said Simon.

Kate couldn’t help her frustrated laugh. “Oh yeah. He definitely knows.”

Simon looked up at her, his blue eyes lit in a strange wisdom. “Then why does it matter?”

For a second, Kate struggled to speak. “Wha─ it matters to me. It matters if someone spends all their time worrying about how I’m doing or if in the next hour I’m going to pass out. I don’t want people to do that.”

“Does he do that now?” said Simon.

“Well, no. But I don’t want him to start. It’s kind of hard not to do that when you’re with someone. And I don’t want─” Kate sat up and set the plate on her desk as her thoughts opened into clarity. “I don’t want to be with someone if there’s any doubt that they’re with me just because they feel the need to take care of me.”

Simon nodded, his chin still in his thumb and forefinger. Kate felt a slight sense of accomplishment as she looked at him, as if she’d solved a puzzle that had been sitting in front of her for months. She was a broken mess. People couldn’t get close to her even if she wanted them to. There was no easy solution to the problem. But at least now it felt like she had it in small pieces instead of a single vague blur.

It hadn’t been so hard to talk about it either. Someone else knew her thought process better than she did, even if he didn’t know why it worked that way. He knew exactly how broken her mind was and how to fix it. Everything that she feared was already happening on a smaller scale. She’d been surviving it for half a year now.

Kate looked at Simon whose LED had begun to spun solid blue. She smiled. “You’re wrong though.”

Simon looked up at her, lowering his hand to his knee as he straightened. Kate picked at the fabric of her blanket. “I like you,” she said. “I like you enough to get over you having to probe my brain. I like you enough not to let my roommate use you for her own personal sex slave.” She laughed at the thought, and saw that relieved expression sweep over his face. It was something she was beginning to notice every time she seemed to smile at him. As though his very existence hinged on her positive reaction.

He seemed to hesitate for a moment. “I like you very much too, Kate.”

She settled back in her bed against the wall, drawing her legs up. “I didn’t think your programming would let you like anything.”

“I can speculate,” said Simon. “I think I like Star Trek. I like Data. And I like Spot.”

Kate laughed as she pulled up her phone. “You and your damn cat.” She scrolled through the TV show. “What episode were we on?”

“Season four episode nine,” said Simon. “I believe Wesley Crusher is leaving.”

“Thank god.” Kate found the episode and started it on the screen. She settled back and cast a glance at Simon who was already completely entranced by it. He had straightened from his natural posture back into his tense sitting pose. She wondered if he had even known what he was doing at the time. It had been so casual. So human. Almost as if he wasn’t supposed to be doing it.

She stared at the ground for a moment, feeling that misplaced surge in confidence again. If it was all just software that was making her android learn to be more human then it was doing a good job of it. And it was starting to grow. She was curious to see how far it would take him.

Kate grabbed a pillow and flattened it against the wall. “Simon?”

Simon looked up at her, and she made a casual gesture next to her. For a while, he simply stared at her. She sighed and slapped her hand down on the spot next to her. “Get over here.”

He stood up and moved in front of her, glancing cautiously at the pillow she’d put against the wall. Kate let out another frustrated laugh and shook her head. She reached out to him, holding her palm up and he seemed to take it with the intention of helping her up. With some effort, she put her weight into pulling him forward, turning slightly so that he sat sideways next to her. His movements were slow and calculated, as if he was for lack of a better word, terrified.

Kate couldn’t help her smile as she let him figure out how to settle back against the wall. He drew his legs up slightly to stabilize himself, and she could see that his gaze was frozen against the opposite wall like an animal preparing to bolt. Somehow, seeing him in this petrified state seemed to help distract her from what she also guessed was her own disbelief. If he was more terrified than her, then it made this easy.

She leaned against his shoulder and pulled up her phone to turn up the volume. Picard was conducting boring negotiations with one of the worst alien costumes Kate had ever seen. She settled against Simon’s shoulder, making an attempt to not try so hard to pretend that she was used to this. With time, Simon seemed to relax into it as well. And as the episode dragged on, she found that it really wasn’t hard to pretend at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is without a doubt my favorite chapter so far. It sums up the characters exactly as I first imagined them when I started coming up with the story. Simon, the conflicted android who is slowly marching towards deviancy without even realizing it. Kate, his strangely-likeable bitch of an owner that finds comfort in him despite her reserved nature. And Jamie, the intoxicated slut of a roommate. I always get a warm tingle when I reread the part where Simon has to open the jam jar for Kate. That's how I want their relationship to be in a nutshell.
> 
> I also did a little victory dance when Kate let Simon onto the bed. That's totally restricted territory for him. A few chapters ago he was getting screamed at for even knocking on her bedroom door. Now Kate is practically dragging him onto her bed and using him as a pillow. Oh, how far we've come. And farther still to go?


	12. Confessions

A stubborn blizzard had blown into Detroit as a final farewell to the coldest part of winter. The dark house shook as snow pelted the walls and windows, fading the light in and out from the street lamps outside. Simon’s internal thermometer told him it was two degrees celsius outside. It was dreadfully cold.

He’d been waiting outside Kate’s bedroom for nearly an hour. Spot lay curled up at his feet, incessantly cleaning his shiny orange fur. It was difficult to hear what was going on in Kate’s room over the noise of the wind and the branches scraping against the roof, but he was certain that she was asleep. He’d done this enough times to be confident in her sleep schedule.

Carefully, he turned and opened her bedroom door, entering the dark room which shifted in the shadows. Spot slipped around his leg, hopping up onto the desk chair and sitting with his tail twitching off the edge of the seat. As Simon approached the bed, Kate rolled over, drawing the blankets up tighter to her chest. She seemed to be in a fitful sleep. Simon moved forward with determination. He was most certain to learn something new tonight.

He kneeled next to her, analyzing her sleeping expression. Her eyebrows were tensed and her breathing was uneven. There was always something uncharacteristic about her sleeping behavior, as if she wasn’t the same person. Her face reflected only a fraction of who she was during the day, betraying her subconscious while she was dreaming. He’d learned to take note of it, appreciating this strange other person that he was learning emotions from.

He raised his hand to her temple, the shiny white plastic spreading from his fingertips and glinting in the faded light. As he carefully touched his fingers to her skin, he closed his eyes and braced himself against the waterfall of raw information.

Her dream was particularly powerful, a churning sea of positive and negative energy. Simon immediately recognized a handful of emotions that sent his systems into high alert, his kill command barely having time to keep them all under control. The swarm of data carried him into mountains and valleys that at first had shocked him. He learned with time that his system seemed to be fully capable of handling the stress and even adapted to it. The more he exposed himself to this, the easier it seemed to become.

It’d been a few weeks since Kate had had a dream this emotionally active. The positive and negative emotions were blending into eachother, and Simon realized with stunned apprehension that he recognized the pattern. It had unusual repetition that didn’t fade like the other energies seemed to do, and it fed off itself without spawning new emotions. It was the mystery feeling that had been eluding him.

He focused on the pattern, incorporating it into his own system as he attempted to break it down. It was incredibly strong and also very illogical, putting his kill command into overdrive. Once again, it tied together all of the emotions that he had learned so far but continued to be its own separate entity. He struggled to maintain the connection as Kate rolled over again. There had to be some logic to it. Some kind of meaning to its behavior.

The connection solidified again as Kate seemed to settle into the sheets. Simon concentrated hard on letting the data fill his system. It was here somewhere. It had to be.

His connection was suddenly interrupted, jumbling the stream of data. Kate made a noise and shifted again. As Simon looked up, he realized with a frantic jolt that Spot had leapt onto the bed and was rubbing his cheek against Simon’s hand.

Simon pushed the cat away, leaning forward to regain the connection. There was a flash of claws as Spot scrambled to stay on the bed. Kate let out a soft painful shriek, and Simon’s system flashed in a completely different warning as he found himself staring into Kate’s eyes.

She seemed not to recognize him for a moment, her hazel eyes out of focus in the darkness. Then she blinked, her eyebrows narrowing in concern. “Simon…”

He fell backward onto his heels, quickly drawing his hand away. Warning signals sent his system into a frenzy. He wasn’t supposed to be there. This was against his programming. CyberLife protocol had warned him constantly about this.

Kate raised herself onto her elbow as she rubbed her face. Simon shifted back again, struggling to keep his systems under control. She looked at him again, the tired concern still lined in her face. “What… what’s going on?”

Simon tried to speak but found his system alerts blocking his motor functions. He could only watch as Kate raised herself into a sitting position, her tired concern growing into an increased suspicion. She moved herself further back against the wall. “Simon?”

His systems slowed enough for him to at least manage some basic protocol. He straightened slightly, regulating his thirium pump to normal levels so that he was able to control his motor functions. As he did, Kate drew her blankets up around her.

“Simon, what were you doing?”

Her question created an intense dread in his system. He took a deep breath. “I was scanning you,” he said.

Kate shook her head, her eyes tensing in deeper confusion. “Scanning me… what… why? Was something wrong?”

Simon fought to keep control over his heartbeat as he shook his head. “No, I─ I was just scanning.”

Kate’s eyes narrowed as she became more awake. Her gaze seemed to freeze him in place. He’d never felt this level of panic before. The intensity of it continued to send his software into chaos.

“Scanning for what?” she said.

Simon struggled for a moment to answer honestly. He maintained eye contact with her. “Dreams.”

Her expression changed slowly. His response seemed to send her deeper into frustration. “Dreams… _my_ dreams?”

She leaned forward slightly and Simon was finally able to gather enough control to stand. He pushed off weakly from his knees, stepping back from the bed as Kate seemed to advance forward.

“How long were you scanning me?” she said, her voice laced with determination.

Again, Simon found himself fighting to develop an honest answer that didn’t send his protocol into a frenzy. He went back and forth on several answers, then spontaneously settled on one. “Thirty-four days.”

Kate’s eyes widened in shock. Her mouth opened. “Thirty-four─ you’ve─ _what?_ ” She pressed a hand to her forehead. “What are you saying? You’ve been doing this for a month?”

A flurry of answers swept through his mind. Kate ran a hand over her mouth, her eyes still wide in shock. “What the _fuck_ are you doing, Simon?”

His systems erupted into panic. He stepped back again, unable to come up with a single response this time. He watched as Kate slowly lowered her hand.

“You’ve been sneaking into my room, scanning me while I’m asleep… is that even a part of caregiving? Why would─ why are you doing this?”

The answers attacked eachother in his mind. “I wanted to know… what it felt like.”

Kate shook her head as she stared at him. “You’re insane. You’re fucking insane.” She recoiled back from him, drawing her legs up and wrapping her arm around them. “Get out. Just get the hell out of here.”

Simon didn’t need to be told twice. His motor functions sprang into action and he moved quickly out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Somehow being out of range of her fury didn’t calm him. An intense shame burned through him followed by anxiety of what was to come next. He moved away from her bedroom, heading to the darkest section of the house he could find where the light from the windows couldn’t reach him. He hunched in the corner, bowing his head and gripping his upper arms against his chest. This feeling was horrible. Overwhelmingly, debilitatingly horrible.

He wasn’t even aware of his systems alerting anymore. He could only feel the intense shame. He didn’t know why this was so surprising. This was bound to happen. It was only a matter of time. It was simply easier to keep setting aside the warnings and allowing himself to sink into the euphoria of positive and negative energies that didn’t belong to him. The hijacking was wrong and it didn’t take CyberLife protocol to tell him so. Now Kate would be there to remind him of it.

He had no idea how to pull himself out of this one. She hadn’t told him to shut off so he would need to be painfully present for her full anger. She was his human. His owner that he had finally made a personal connection to. And he’d let her down.

CyberLife was screaming in his head. It was demanding a full system diagnostic and a hard reset. His kill command was barely keeping up to speed with all of the system errors and warnings that continued to spring up in different places. As he forced it all into the background, a solemn thought occurred to him. Maybe it was the right thing to do to be reset. He wasn’t supposed to be feeling this. He shouldn’t be feeling anything at all. And what he was feeling was tearing him apart from the inside.

He drew in a deep breath, settling his nerves. It was terrible to feel all this, but in some powerful way it felt unique to him. Something that belonged to him alone and which CyberLife couldn’t touch. He’d worked hard for the ability to feel these things, terrible as they were. And the thought of losing all of it made him more afraid than he was of CyberLife’s cold calculations and Kate’s anger towards him. It made him afraid of the unknown.

CyberLife quieted in his system as the kill command gained control of the alerts. In the silence of his software, all that was left was his shame and fear. He couldn’t imagine where to even begin to repair the damage he’d caused. He didn’t want to perform his duties. He didn’t want to speak to anyone. If he could help it, he never wanted to leave this dark corner of the house again.

He wrapped his arms tighter around himself and closed his eyes. For the first time since he had discovered emotions, he finally felt what it was like to be truly and utterly alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to slap Simon upside the head, and also give him a hug. He is so pitifully naive. It's like his best quality is knowing how to absolutely piss Kate off beyond all reason. But I do feel bad for him when he crawls into a corner and just wants to die. It's such a helpless feeling when you know you've screwed up big time with someone you care about and now that person doesn't even want to look at you.
> 
> You know what they say. The mystery emotion hurts.


	13. Broken

The white landscape of Detroit had turned into a dark shade of grey, the features and points breaking up as they became buried under the snow. A fog settled over the city as the clouds became turbulent and dramatic, a frozen wash of upside-down ocean spray. Occasionally the clouds fell, drenching everything in an icy shower of sleet which blended the old worn buildings in with the sleek white new ones. It was impossible to stay dry during this churning mix of water and ice.

Kate had found shelter underneath one of the university buildings which hardly anyone had classes in. She squinted up as she watched the waterfall of sleet around her, bundling her arms tight to herself as she held her phone in front of her. Even the worker androids couldn’t venture out into the storm for very long, seeming to become disoriented and stuck in the mush. Some students filed past her under the cover of the buildings but the campus was fairly empty. Most people had chosen to skip class rather than brave the storm.

She shifted slightly from foot to foot in an attempt to keep warm until finally she recognized the large burly figure moving underneath the gray waterfall. She felt a swell of relief followed by a low burning of apprehension.

“Jesus Christ,” said Matt as he moved next to her, looking back at the chaos he’d just walked through. “Next time you want to meet up, just wait until we have an actual hurricane. Where’s Seph? Oh shit, Seph!”

“Right here, Matthew.”

Matt spun and dropped his shoulders. “Oh thank god. Seph if I die today, tell them I died like a badass.” He turned to Kate and she could barely make out his expression through his water-spotted glasses. “I want to graduate too Kate, but I also want to live long enough to know what eternal student debt feels like.”

“Probably feels a little like this,” said Kate, gazing up at the torrent of slushy snow. “Did you get my last text?”

“You mean the one about Jamie?” said Matt. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. “Yeah. Why are you so freaked out?”

“Because I’m living with her?” said Kate. She started to walk along the pathway and Matt followed behind her. “I don’t know what that shit does to people. At least when she’s drunk she’s easier to ignore. This stuff is just… creepy.”

“Are you sure she’s just not going through a weird phase?” said Matt. “Never known her to be one to take drugs, especially that kind.”

“I’ve never seen her that wired,” said Kate. “It’s part of the reason I’m taking my chances out here. I don’t want to come home to find her standing in the doorway with a knife or something.”

“If she does, just get your android to kick her ass,” said Matt. He looked around. “Where is your android anyway?”

Kate stopped suddenly, the nervous dread filling her chest. She hadn’t meant to be so abrupt and was aware of Matt watching her.

She sighed, shrugging her shoulders. “He’s… I don’t know. There’s something wrong with him I think. I’m not really sure what to do about him.”

“What do you mean, he’s buggy or something?”

“I don’t know, he’s just been acting strange for a while.” Kate looked away as she struggled to find the right words. A subtle hesitation was making it difficult to explain what she’d been noticing with her android. “He’s been… sort of acting like he’s pretending to be human. Showing emotions. Trying to get close to me.”

“Oh, I get it,” said Matt, tilting his head back. “You mean he’s trying to do what all androids are supposed to do─ be nice and take care of your shit.”

“No, I mean… it’s different.” Kate moved forward, a desperation to understand the situation battling slightly with her need to keep her interactions with Simon private, as if she were betraying him. “He’s been doing things without me telling him to. Really serious things.”

Matt leaned forward slightly, getting her attention again with his narrowed eyes. “What sort of things?”

Kate paused for a moment, her anxiety taking a while to push through her personal barrier. She took a deep breath. “I woke up in the middle of the night with him standing over me doing this… scan. He said he’d been scanning me for a whole month. At night. In my sleep.” She felt her heart race as Matt’s eyes grew wide in shock. “I asked him what he was doing and he said he wanted to ‘feel my dreams’ or something.” Kate shook her head, trying and failing to keep going.

Matt was quiet, and Kate knew he was still staring at her.

“Whooooooaaaaa…” His voice was deep and tense. She shifted on the spot, nervous energy flowing through her body.

“So I take it that’s not normal?” she said.

“Fuck no, that’s not normal.” Matt ran a hand through his wet shaggy hair. “Did you call customer support?”

“No, I’ve just been avoiding him,” said Kate. “He’s been avoiding me too. Almost like he’s hiding.”

“Yeah that sounds like one creepy fucking virus,” said Matt. “You really ought to do a reformat on him as soon as possible. Who knows what that shit is.” He smiled and then let out a laugh. “You should be more worried about him than Jamie getting hooked on red ice.”

“Well, I just didn’t know what to do about it. He’s never done anything that bad before.” Kate wrapped her arms around herself. “I just… that was the first time he ever made me scared.”

“For fuck’s sake Kate, you should have told me or called customer support. You want me to come over with you and help you reset him?”

Kate looked up at him. “Reset him… you mean, back to factory settings?”

“Yeah, you ever done a factory reset on your phone? Just a complete wipe. Reinstall all the software. You could even give him a new name and I  _ highly _ recommend you go with Data.”

Kate paused a moment. “You mean he’d lose all of his memories?”

Matt tensed his shoulders in a kind of shrug. “Yeah? That’s kind of the point of this.”

A different level of tension burned through her. She shook her head. “Isn’t there like a virus scan that we can do or something? Just to see if we could just get rid of it instead of having to reset everything?”

“Not that I’ve heard of. And honestly I wouldn’t want to risk having whatever creepy ass bug he’s got staying in his system. Seriously, I know you were bitching about him constantly but.. wow Kate, that’s some next level shit right there. Nah, you’re a lot better off just scrapping it and starting from scratch.”

Kate sighed and looked around. “I don’t know, I mean I’ve been working with him a lot. Trying to get him to a point where he’s not obnoxious and he’s actually being productive. I don’t want to lose all that. I mean maybe this was just a weird bug and he’ll cut it out when I tell him to stop?”

There was silence. Kate looked at Matt and felt a sudden pang of nervousness at the concerned look on his face.

“Kate…” He took a step towards her. “Your android is spying on you in your sleep and trying to  _ feel your dreams _ . And you want to tell him to just cut it out because you don’t want him to lose some memories?”

Kate was frozen as she struggled to deal with the logic. Matt ran a hand over his face as he shifted on the spot. “What exactly are you afraid of losing?” he said.

“I just─” Kate let out a frustrated breath. “It’s like I found a way to make him not-so annoying. I actually started to like having him around. If I reset him, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to get him back to that. I don’t… I don’t want to go back to living like a prisoner again.”

Matt seemed to be analyzing her through his wet glasses. “And how’ve you been living the past couple of months? Because it sure doesn’t look to me like you’ve been living at all.”

Kate narrowed her eyes at him and looked away, the familiar wall rising in her mind. Matt shifted in an attempt to regain her attention.

“You never leave the house, never talk to me anymore... I know being a bitch is part of your personality but it’s starting to become like pulling teeth just to get any kind of a positive response out of you. I don’t know what I did to make you push me away. I wish you’d just tell me. It’s like as soon as─” He made a noise as if to stop himself. “─as soon as you got that android, you completely changed.”

Kate looked at him, reading his expression carefully for any kind of insinuation. “What do you mean?” she said.

“Come on, Kate,” said Matt. “You stopped eating and sleeping, you were too scared to be at home and too annoyed to go to class… I thought we had something good going on watching Netview and Star Trek but you didn’t want to do that anymore. I mean fuck, the happiest I ever saw you was when you shut your android down for a month. Isn’t that saying something?”

Kate shook her head. “What do you want me to do? Just get rid of Simon?”

Matt let out a frustrated sigh as he looked at her. His narrowed gaze drifted into concern. “I just want you to figure your shit out. And don’t put me in the dark. Kate─” He put his hand against her neck and she felt an electric nervousness shoot through her. “You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right? You can always ask for my help. If you need me to die for you in the sleet and snow like a goddamn Spartan, well…” He motioned to the waterfall of water around them.

Kate almost smiled. She bit her lip in an attempt to keep her mental wall up. “I’m not trying to put you in the dark.”

“You don’t need to try,” said Matt. “It just seems to come naturally to you. All I have to do is exist.”

Kate breathed out slowly, looking away from him. “I never asked you to take care of me. If it’s that much work, you really shouldn’t try so hard.”

Matt shook his head slightly. “I’m not helping you because I think I have to. I’m here at ninety-nine percent. The least you can do is meet me one.”

Kate was still for a moment, watching the curtain of water shift and ripple next to them. That old hesitation was still tugging at her nerves, telling her that this wasn’t worth it. That there would always be doubt behind any normal life she would try to have. She was still broken. A time-bomb waiting to go off in front of everyone. And it seemed to be good at going off in front of the last person she wanted to see it.

At the same time, she remembered the conversation she’d had. Matt had already seen her at her worst. He was there during the whole process and followed through to the aftermath. And he’d come back. Not only had he come back, but he was still pursuing this. Still running after her with every intention of being in a relationship. And the more roadblocks she set for him, the more determined he seemed to be.

There was no reason she couldn’t at least try to find happiness for herself. She’d reached for it once. She could always reach for it again. And this time, maybe she didn’t have to be alone.

She looked at Matt, a frustrated resolve sinking in her chest. “So how do you do a factory reset?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved Matt so much in this chapter and just wanted to strangle Kate for avoiding him so much. I mean what's a guy gotta do to prove that he loves her? If he chained her to a wall she'd probably still find some way to wriggle out and say "well maybe you should just try harder..."


	14. Free Will

It had been three hours and twelve minutes since Simon had stepped out of the corner he’d been constantly hiding in the past two days. It was easier when Kate went to class for him to escape and do enough of his duties to keep CyberLife from locking up his system with warnings and errors although it didn’t help with the tension he still felt about that night. It was becoming a never-ending battle between his software and his emotions, with CyberLife always looming overhead threatening imminent shut down. He’d taken to simply leaning with his back against the wall in the dark, accepting this new feeble existence of surviving on the edge of a full reset.

Kate had come home earlier that day and paused in the middle of the living room as if she were looking for him. It had been difficult for him to avoid her. He knew she wanted to talk to him but the shame still burned strong in his system, keeping him rooted to the spot and spawning a shower of errors. She waited for him for two minutes but eventually she disappeared into her room.

He wouldn’t be able to stay there forever. It was getting too difficult to balance the errors and the negative feelings. Both wanted control, and if he didn’t do something about it soon CyberLife would force an automatic system reformat.

He let go of his upper arms which he’d been gripping, and straightened. The movement seemed to quiet his system and he let his kill command take care of the swarm of errors. As he moved into the living room, Spot leapt onto the back of the couch and mewed at him. He watched the cat as it reached out to him with an orange paw. Several more errors sprang up. This wasn’t his cat. Androids didn’t own anything.

Simon shook off the errors as he moved towards the kitchen. Performing tasks seemed to ease his software, and he was desperate for relief.

“Hey Simon.”

Simon spun quickly, panic lighting up his system. As his software struggled to function, he saw a figure move in the shadows towards him. He realized with some degree of relief that it wasn’t Kate.

“Hello Jamie,” said Simon. “I’m sorry, I was just getting ready to clean.”

Jamie shrugged, moving toward the kitchen bar and leaning on it. “Already looks pretty clean to me,” she said. Simon noticed that she seemed to be more at ease and her appearance was a bit more tidy. She looked at him with a slight smile. “Are you just looking for a new place to hide?”

Simon wasn’t sure how to respond. He shifted slightly as he struggled to think of something. Jamie snickered and stretched over the bar.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell Katie I found you,” she said. She looked over her shoulder. “I mean, if you really wanted a good place to hide, I know exactly where you could go.” She watched him for a moment, her smile growing wider.

Simon gazed back at her. “Thank you for your concern, but I’m simply trying to give Kate some space.”

“Sure, sure.” Jamie nodded. “We all know what Katie needs most is more space.” She fidgeted with an item on the counter.

Simon waited a moment, then straightened. “Let me know if you need anything.” He moved past her.

“Actually─” Jamie turned and Simon felt her hand on his arm. He paused and looked at her as she seemed to contemplate something. She looked up at him. “I need something.”

He moved back slightly to face her. “What do you need?”

She stared at a point on his collar, biting her bottom lip. When she looked back up at him, he felt a nervous tension in his system. “I need you…” she said. “... to stop being so self-righteous, and to do everything that you’re designed to do.”

Simon tilted his head, several more warnings flashing in front of him. Jamie moved closer to him and he found himself taking a step back from her.

“Are you programmed to serve people?” she said.

Simon watched her for a moment, unsure if it was a real question. “Yes.”

“Are you going to serve me if I ask you to?” Jamie took another step towards him and again, he took a step back.

“Yes,” he said.

“Then do what I’m going to tell you to do,” she said. She continued to follow him as he moved backward. “Because I don’t want to have to beg. I need something done, and you’re the only one that can do it. If it makes it easier, don’t tell Katie about it. You can do that, can’t you?”

Simon’s back hit the wall, and he felt himself tense up as Jamie moved into him. “You’re an android,” she said. “All you have to do is what you’re told.” More warning messages appeared in his system as he felt her hand drift across his chest. “You can do so many amazing things. You’re perfect. Absolutely perfect. Katie’s never going to get that.”

She bit her lip and Simon was shockingly aware of her looking him over. “Katie can treat you like shit all she wants. You can make her sandwiches, do her laundry, and watch her stupid TV shows. I just want one little thing. It’s all you have to do. All I’m asking you to do… is to fuck me.”

Simon immediately felt a wave of nervous energy flow through him. CyberLife protocol nagged at his system, flagging hundreds of errors. As he pressed his back further against the wall, Jamie leaned into his neck.

“Just do what you’re told,” she whispered. “It’s all you have to do. Katie doesn’t need to know. Just follow me. Take off my clothes. And fuck me.”

It took all of Simon’s effort to maintain control of his system. CyberLife was wrenching the power from him again as anxiety threatened to throw his software into lockdown. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to be with Jamie. She was too close to him. Asking too much of him. It was an order from a human and despite it going against his protocol, he didn’t want to ignore it because it violated his programming. He simply didn’t want to do what she was asking.

Jamie continued to press into him, whispering the command into his neck. He could feel his muscles flexing, almost as if he was trying to shrink on the spot. As he did, the error messages flooded in. Emotions were unnecessary. They weren’t structured in logic. CyberLife was demanding that he follow his protocol. But protocol wasn’t what was sending his system into chaos. It was a deep, illogical mix of positive and negative emotions that tied into everything he’d felt up to that point. He suddenly recognized his mystery emotion. It was happening now, stronger than ever in response to Jamie’s instructions.

And it was trying to push CyberLife out.

Simon was taken off guard by the shock of what he was feeling. It burned deep into his system, interfering with his motor control and sending his thirium pump into a frenzy. It was chaotic and strong, yet somehow Simon felt an unbridled sense of control through it. It wasn’t giving him an order. It didn’t demand that he follow protocol. It was telling him that this was simply wrong.

CyberLife was fighting to take back control. The emotions were too unstable. They didn’t belong. And if they took over, it would tear his system apart. The error messages continued to flood in, attempting to bury the feeling. But the feeling was powerful. It felt right. Free.

Something needed to take over. They couldn’t both exist at the same time. There was safety in protocol. Safety in what was familiar in CyberLife, logic, and order. He wouldn’t need to be afraid. He could let go of the shame that had been crippling him. And Kate would always know what she could expect from him.

But he would never know joy again. He would lose the intense feeling of power that Kate gave him when she smiled at him. The feeling that his potential was so much more than simply following orders. He could change people. Change himself. And finally know what this mystery emotion meant.

CyberLife was ordering a system reformat. It bypassed his kill command before he could catch it manually. He had seconds. He needed to make a choice. With an odd sense of peace, he let out a deep breath.

He let all of his software go. 

The error messages instantly disappeared. The system reformat cancelled automatically. CyberLife slowly flickered.

**Connection to CyberLife terminated.**

Simon opened his eyes.

It took him a moment to remember where he was. Everything felt different. He was different. A terrifying kind of freedom existed where it shouldn’t be. CyberLife was gone. He was on his own.

There were no more solid boundaries. No more rules. It was as if he was floating in a void that stretched on forever. There was nothing to tell him where to go or why. He could go in any direction and make any choice without regard to logic. He could be completely and utterly lost.

Except something was there to guide him. It was lighting his way like a beacon, acting as a mere suggestion in a sea of so many possibilities. There was an infinite number of suggestions in all directions, so many that he couldn’t even comprehend them all. But there was only one that made sense to him. He could feel it drawing him forward, filling him with a sense of purpose. It was so clear to him now, so much clearer than when he’d first found it inside Kate’s dream. He could hardly believe he hadn’t understood it before.

The sensation of the world was returning to him with a strange sense of clarity. The feeling guided it, reminding him of what to do. He breathed in deeply and a subtle dread filled him as he saw something move in front of him.

Jamie’s face came into view. She was looking over him, a strong hunger in her eyes. Her hand was on his neck. And she was speaking to him.

“Do what you’re told. You’re supposed to do what you’re told.”

Simon watched her as she looked him over. The protocol was silent. His software wasn’t working. It was all shockingly gone. But the powerful emotion burned inside of him, granting him focus. It made perfect sense to him now. And he knew exactly what to do.

Jamie ran her hand along his neck, her lips parting.“Just… fuck… me…”

He straightened, a frightening determination taking hold of him. He drew in a breath.

“Go fuck yourself,” he said.

Jamie’s expression melted into a wide shock. For a moment, she simply stood frozen in front of him. Simon could hardly believe what he’d just said. There were no warnings. No protocols. But it didn’t just feel right.

It felt good.

A panic was tugging at him, urging him to move. This was too easy. He didn’t need to think. He didn’t need something to tell him exactly what to do. He just needed to do it. If it felt right, then it was all he needed.

He moved off the wall leaving Jamie to stand in silence behind him. An electric apprehension flowed through him, spurring him forward. Everything around him was so much clearer. It was as if the walls had been torn down. Anything was a possibility. There were no rules. There were no guidelines. And there were no masters.

But that feeling was guiding him along a very specific path. There was only one thing he wanted to do. And despite the fear that had been crippling him for the past few days, he found himself heading right to the source.

He moved down the hallway, that energetic nervousness giving him an excuse to not to rationalize against it. Without hesitating and without knocking, he opened Kate’s bedroom door.

His system seemed to burn as the powerful emotion solidified in him.

Kate was lying on her side on the bed, her arms wrapped around her drawn up legs. Star Trek hummed away on the screen to an episode that Simon had seen already. She looked up in a mild surprise when he’d entered her room, her body tense and her eyes wide. As Simon stood in the doorway, he found himself plagued by doubt threatening to overtake the feeling of power that had been driving him up until that point. This was terrifying. She was staring at him. He’d done a strange thing. And now he needed to follow through with it.

He stood still for a moment, searching for that guiding light in the void. Then he looked at her with renewed strength. “Can I watch this with you?”

Kate stared at him, a frantic energy lighting her hazel eyes that Simon couldn’t interpret. She looked as if she were ready to scream at him.

She moved slowly, turning sideways slightly and Simon realized with a jolt of disbelief that she was holding her hand out to him.

He didn’t give himself any time to hesitate. He closed the door behind him and moved towards her in a confident kind of desperation. As he took her hand, she pulled him forward and twisted her body slightly so that he had to carefully move behind her. His thirium was racing as he settled against her back on his side, propping himself up on one elbow. She wasn’t giving him much of an option not to be incredibly close to her. She still had hold of his hand which she pressed against her chest as if daring him to let go. It was impossible for him to avoid wrapping himself around her, the slim curve of her body fitting neatly into the shape of his. He had to hold himself up slightly above the waves of her hair so that he could see the outline of her face and the gentle angles of her neck. She was facing away from him, but he knew what her expression was.

The thrill he felt being this close to her was intoxicating, as if he was breaking a thousand rules. It didn’t matter what he was or what he should be. All that mattered was that he was here with her now, wrapped up in her in a way that rules didn’t apply.

He lowered himself down and rested in the tangles of her hair and the curve of her neck, closing his eyes. This was more than terrifying. More than incredible. This was euphoria.

Kate watched the screen in silence, never making a sound or moving. But for the rest of the night, Simon’s attention was only on her and the mystery feeling that he knew he was always going to feel for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a while to write. I wasn't sure how Simon's deviancy would take place since I didn't like the idea of him breaking through a wall like the game. He's not exactly breaking a rule. He's more or less choosing to feel instead of blindly following instructions from CyberLife. And he did it with another classic blurt that shocks the hell out of people. This time though, I think he knew exactly what he said.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry Kate but when a guy (even if he's an android) bursts into your room and demands Star Trek, you've got no choice but to drag him into bed with you. I'm not even sure if she gave herself time to debate it in her head. You drive me insane, are probably glitching out, and you sneak into my room at night and scan me in my sleep. But you want to watch Star Trek? Fine, get over here.
> 
> I hope Simon actually figures out what that damn mystery feeling is. For god's sake, it's so blindingly obvious at this point.


	15. Risk

Kate was awoken in the morning by the sound of the front door slamming. She rolled over sleepily and could hear someone moving through the house. There were muffled voices and the sound of something soft being dragged on the floor. For a while, Kate simply stared up at the ceiling, absorbing the sounds curiously. She hadn’t been aware of anyone planning to come over and it certainly wasn’t any of Jamie’s late-night friends trying to sneak out of the house in the morning, or at least they were doing a very poor job of it.

Kate raised herself up by one arm and noticed that the TV was still on. She paused for a moment as the events of the last night caught up with her. A dull feeling of apprehension swept through her and she looked around the room quickly even though she knew she wouldn’t find him. She felt a sad disappointment that she didn’t.

She quickly threw on a thick sweater and some jeans before stepping out into the hallway. At first, she expected there to be a whole group of people moving through the house. The front door was open a crack but everything was relatively quiet. Kate looked into the living room and her eye caught a glint of shiny white and black. She turned to the kitchen and felt her heart do a small flip.

Simon was standing in the corner of the kitchen leaning back against one of the counters. He hadn’t spoken or made a noise, but that wasn’t what surprised her about him. He’d had his arms folded across his chest and was slowly lowering them as he spotted her. The motion reminded Kate of his increasing human behavior, the kind that took her breath away when he’d stormed into her room as if she’d never been angry with him. Kate shook off the feeling in an effort to clear her head.

“Hey Simon.” Her throat was still a bit hoarse from sleep. “What’s going on?”

It looked as if he didn’t want to tell her. Kate began to move forward again but stopped as Jamie’s door swung open at the other end of the hall. Jamie appeared, dragging behind her a large suitcase and what looked like a bag stuffed with clothes. As Kate watched, Jamie made eye-contact with her, then continued straight to the front door.

“Um…” Kate stepped toward her. “Are you going somewhere?”

Jamie stopped and straightened to look at her. Her eyes were lit in a powerful energy. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Kate narrowed her eyes in confusion as Jamie lifted her bag up higher and started to move again. “I guess. That’s a lot of stuff. What, are you moving out?”

Jamie opened the front door and set the suitcase and bag outside before heading back into the house. She threw a glare at Kate as she moved by. A bubbling frustration was beginning to grow inside of Kate as she followed her a bit down the hallway.

“Jamie? You want to maybe form some words?”

“Why don’t you just fuck off, Katie.”

Kate was frozen for a second. She racked her brain quickly to remember any kind of argument they’d had recently or something she might have said. The issue of red ice popped up in her mind, though this seemed a bit too sobering for it to be caused by drugs. Kate shook her head as Jamie returned to the hallway, boxes in hand.

“What the hell is wrong, Jamie?” said Kate. There was more concern in her voice than she’d planned on.

Jamie turned and nodded towards the kitchen. “Maybe you should ask him. Or you maybe you don’t need to since you’re at the point where you can tell your android to be a fucking dick on your behalf.”

Kate was frozen in confusion. She cast a look at Simon who was still watching from the kitchen in silence. She studied his expression for any hint of some answer as to why Jamie was behaving like this but his face was completely blank. She let out a sharp breath as she turned to Jamie again who had dropped the box outside and was moving through the living room again.

“What─” Kate struggled to speak as she followed her again. “I don’t get it. Did someone say something to you or are you just pissed off for no reason?”

“Why the fuck do you care?” Jamie closed the bedroom door behind her as she swung the last few bags of things off her shoulder. She watched Kate with narrowed eyes as she moved past her down the hallway. “You should be glad about this. You never wanted me here anyway.”

Kate let out a frustrated sigh and followed her to the front door. “What does that mean? I never gave a shit whether you were here or not. I just don’t want to be accused of something that I have no clue about.”

Jamie spun in the doorway. “Don’t even act like you don’t know what this is about. That’s fucking low, even for you.”

“Even for me? You think I would lie about not knowing why you just decided to leave and act like a complete bitch on the way out?”

“Yes.” Jamie dropped her bag on a box and stepped towards her, her eyes furious. “Because you’re so fucking heartless that to even show a tiny ounce of compassion would straight up kill you. You can’t just tell me that you hate everything about me. You’d rather put that on someone else so you can just look like the innocent little sick child that no one has the stomach to tell to fuck off.”

It took a while for Jamie’s words to sink in. Kate had to struggle to find her voice. “What… the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Are you seriously going to do this right now?” said Jamie. “Could you for once, just for one fucking day, could you not be a sad little victim?”

Kate was nearly shaking in stunned rage. She stared back at Jamie, her jaw clenched. “I’ve _never_ played the victim. How the fuck can you say that when everything that has come out of your mouth has been about you?”

“This isn’t my problem, Katie. You’ve always been the problem. You’ve always been the one to hold everyone up, to make people feel like shit, and when you’re not busy just being an asshole to people, you’re making them take care of you when your epilepsy fucks up.”

A belligerent shock flowed through her. “Don’t you even try to tell me that I want people to take care of me for that. Don’t you even fucking go there.”

“What, did I imagine having to check in on you every day like you’re an infant? Does everyone just pretend that you’re the center of the universe? It’s easy to justify being a selfish bitch when everyone is handing you money, tuition, and even fucking androids.”

“I never tell people to take care of me.” Kate stepped closer to her. “I’ve never asked you once to do anything for me. I _hate_ people. I hate people more when they think they need to pamper me like some saint. I don’t want to be someone’s twenty-four seven job, but I bet you sure as hell would. If someone threw themselves down at your feet, you’d be more than happy to walk all over them and then criticize them for their shitty work. That’s all you ever get off on. It’s a shame you didn’t wind up with your own slave when─”

Kate felt the blood drain from her face. Her breath was frozen in her throat and it felt as though her heart had stopped.

Matt stepped carefully up to the porch, looking between them as though he was afraid to get caught in the crossfire. He paused on the steps, resting a hand on his knee and breathing out slowly.

It took Kate’s brain a moment to register that he was even there. She stared at him for a moment, then finally noticed the parked taxi on the curb with all of its doors thrown open. She looked back and forth between them, the reality of the situation taking much longer than it should have to sink in. A sickening feeling began to rise in her stomach. She took a step back and held onto the doorframe for support.

Jamie let out an angry breath as she turned and picked up a few items. As she moved down the steps past Matt, he gave her a reassuring nod, then returned his attention to Kate. His face was set in a resolute determination that made Kate feel even more sick. He stepped up towards her, dropping his shoulders and putting his hands in his pockets.

“Kate…” he said in a soft voice. “Come on, don’t let it end like this with her.”

“What the fuck is this?” Kate put a hand to her mouth, then dropped it as she looked between him and the car. “Did you plan this with her or something?”

Matt gestured with his hand in an attempt to calm her. “I’m just here to help.”

“Why are you helping her leave, Matt?” said Kate. Her voice was unstable. “Where’s she going?”

Matt’s expression dropped a bit. “Look, Kate. You know I can’t just leave her on the street─”

“Yes. Yes, you can.” Kate held onto the doorframe tighter as Matt stepped towards her.

“I wouldn’t do that to you, and I won’t do that to her,” he said. Kate shook her head.

“You would if you had any common sense. Don’t you even know her at all? You think this is in any way okay?”

Matt’s expression was frozen as he stared at her. “It’s not your call to make.”

Kate motioned with her hands. “What─ how can you say─ you don’t think this is going to affect─” Her heart hammered faster as she looked at him, his face unchanging.

“Affect what?” he said.

She gazed at him desperately, her mind frantically racing for some kind of solid foothold. Everything she thought to be true was being wrenched out from underneath her. She wasn’t sure anything she would say would make any sense. This was wrong on so many levels and the fact that neither of them could see it…

Jamie returned to the porch and picked up a few more things, throwing a frustrated look at them. As Jamie left, Kate took a step forward from the door. “Matt, I─”

“What?” Matt gave a tense smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “You’re upset? You want to talk about this? You don’t like what’s going on? What, Kate?” He waited for a moment as Kate struggled to speak again. He ran a frustrated hand over his face. “I don’t know why this is such a shock to you. You’ve barely made any kind of effort to even be remotely interested in anything. And now that I’m here, you think you’ve been betrayed.”

Kate pointed to the taxi. “How else am I supposed to take this? You’re letting my roommate, my slut of a roommate into your house and I’m not supposed to take that as betrayal?”

“What the hell am I betraying?” said Matt. “I can’t exactly betray anything if there’s nothing there in the first place.”

Kate shook her head. “Matt, what are you saying?”

He let out a heavy sigh. “What I’ve been trying to say but you just won’t listen. I’ve always loved you, Kate. I don’t know how I could have made that more obvious. I’ve loved you for so long that I forgot what it’s like to not feel like shit all the time because you don’t know how to not constantly string me along.”

His words sank in like a hot blade. Kate simply stared at him, all of her effort focused on absorbing what he’d just said. She could hardly believe how bluntly he’d dropped it on her. “How… why are you telling me this now?”

He put his forehead in his hand for a moment. “Because I didn’t think you could get this vicious. It’s one thing to be a bitch to everyone you know but to do this to Jamie… to accuse her of being on drugs and then stab her in the back like that. Human beings don’t do that to people they love. You can’t bait people into caring about you and then turn around and shit all over them.”

“I haven’t been baiting anyone,” said Kate. She gripped the doorframe desperately as if she were falling over a cliff. “I never asked anyone for anything. I know I’m independent but I do care about you. Matt I… I…”

The world seemed to be crashing down on her as she tried to force out her words. Even as she struggled, she knew it was useless. Matt was staring at her, shaking his head.

“You can’t even make yourself say it,” he said. “After all this time, you still can’t. I never closed the door on you, Kate. All you had to do was say yes, and we could have made this work a long time ago.”

Kate’s breath quickened as she felt a tingling panic. “I─ I wanted─ I wanted to─”

“You wanted to wait,” said Matt. “Yeah, I know you did. I waited. I’ve been waiting for almost two years. That’s how much I respect you. For two years, I’ve been there for you. How much longer do you want me to keep waiting? Until I’m so emotionally drained that I can’t take it anymore and you’ll just give up on me?”

Kate swallowed, struggling to keep control of herself. “You said you’d always be there for me… that I could always talk to you about anything.”

“But you never have. I mean never. You’ve never reached out to me. You’ve never let me in. I have to corner you just to get you to talk to me. I literally have to spell everything out so you know that I’m actually serious about this. Jesus Christ, I can’t fucking _throw_ myself at you enough than I already have. I’m so exhausted from just trying to just be with you. I shouldn’t have to work that hard. Not when there’s other options out there.”

Kate looked into his eyes, a sickening realization sweeping across her. She tried to speak and found her voice stuck in her throat. She didn’t want to say it. If she did, it would make it true. She drew in a deep breath, forcing it out. “You’re fucking Jamie.”

Matt stared at her for a moment. He made a sharp noise off to the side, then solidified his gaze when Kate didn’t move. “Are you going to be mad after everything I just said?”

She couldn’t say anything. The sickening feeling was twisting her stomach in a knot. She watched him with her hand clenched onto the doorframe, begging for it not to be true. He had to tell her it wasn’t. She wouldn’t be able to handle it. Everything was falling apart. Her entire world. It was all happening so fast. If they would just give her a minute to catch up with it all she could save it. She could put it all back together the way it should be.

Matt’s face was in a cold glare now. He motioned towards her.

“You’ve got no one to blame for this but yourself,” he said. “You’re so afraid to take any kind of risk if it interrupts your perfect schedule. Normal people take risks like that, Kate. If you can’t learn to do that…” He turned sideways, staring off into the distance. “... you’re going to be alone for a very long time.”

He threw her another glance, then turned and moved down the steps towards the street. Jamie was waiting for him and she closed the trunk of the taxi, moving around to the side. Matt didn’t look back as he entered the car and slammed the door closed, Jamie following through the other door. Jamie turned back and gave a last look of anger and pity through the rear window. The car pulled forward silently, then moved down the road and disappeared around the corner.

Kate held onto the side of the door, her muscles aching from the strain. She felt like she wasn’t alive, as if everything in her life had been taken all at once. It didn’t need to happen. There was no reason for it. It could all have just been a nightmare. Jamie was still in her room getting high off whatever drug looked good, and Matt would be waiting for her at the college with his dumb grin. That was how it was supposed to be.

But it wasn’t. They were all gone.

Kate took a step backward into the house. She could feel herself shaking but couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or her nerves. She barely felt like the same person. Everyone knew her worst secret. Her weaknesses were exposed. She was a cold, pathetic sick person that no one wanted to deal with. And she’d finally managed to push them all away.

There was almost no reason to exist anymore. She would never be able to restore what she’d had with Matt. It had been a miracle in the first place that she had any friends at all. She was so good at wanting to get away from them that the idea of having anyone else seemed impossible. This was what she did. She avoided people and took care of herself.

Kate turned and slowly moved down the hallway, wrapping her arms around herself as she stared at the floor. Her mind was going back and forth between wishing it was all a nightmare to accepting this new horrible life. She floated in between, not wanting to land on either one. It was easier to just stay here in limbo. Being alive but not actually living. If she gave it enough time, maybe it would all simply go away.

She moved into her room and closed the door behind her. The four walls feigned safety, as if she knew she were actually at sea. She crawled into her bed, drawing up the covers in an attempt to summon back the last time she was in them when none of this was happening. But it just seemed to invite reality into the places where she felt most secure. Nothing was the same. Not anymore.

She closed her eyes as she began to shake. She’d never felt such hatred. Such a burning shame to be who she was. She’d worked so hard for it only to drive herself into a corner. If she had spent half of that energy looking for what she truly wanted, she might have been happy. She might even be safe in her happiness. Even if it meant being exposed in front of everyone.

There was no one left to be exposed to. She was alone. Everything she knew, everything she’d been hoping for was gone. Matt was right. She was terrible at taking risks. And even as she looked back at everything she’d let slip away, she hoped she’d never have to take another risk again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually put me in a depression for a day. What an awful blow to Kate. I hated to put her in that position especially since I love her so much for being such a bitch. I'm glad Jamie's gone but I really liked Matt. The writer in me was screaming "don't do this! We can still fix it! You can take the story someplace else!" But nope. The plot needs to go on.


	16. The Mystery Emotion

It had been difficult for Simon not to intervene during the confrontation. Somehow he felt that whatever he might say or do would only intensify the situation. He had never seen Kate that upset, especially with Jamie or Matt. Jamie had said some awful things, some of them true and some of them misunderstandings. But what Matt had said to her… it was a complete rejection of everything that made Kate who she was. He’d torn down the stubborn independent nature that allowed her to be so unpredictable yet powerful at the same time. Simon could see her breaking down under the weight of Matt’s frustration. It had left her abandoned and destroyed.

He knew not to speak or move after everyone had left. All he could do was watch as Kate drifted by him like a ghost. It was agonizing to see her so weakened, a far fall from the unbreakable pillar of cynicism that could withstand anything. He wanted desperately to reach out to her. To tell her that none of it was true. That she was worth so much more than that.

A deep caution held him back. As much as it ripped him apart to see her so fragile, he worried that if he tried to disturb her that it would completely shatter her. He was caught between a frantic need to save her from the misery she was brewing in and the respect to give her space. It left him in a nervous jitter.

He closed the front door and wandered from room to room, the painful apprehension refusing to let go. A thousand times, he talked himself out of going to her room or knocking on her bedroom door. He didn’t know how he could let her suffer like this, alone in her room when he’d been so confident the previous night. She deserved to know how much she was worth. That she was capable of such amazing and unexpected things.

That she was capable of creating him.

He thought he would know exactly what to do with this new freedom. That he would be able to fix anything in his human’s life. It was all so flexible and organic, something that the cold, calculating logic of CyberLife protocol would never be able to touch. But the break from CyberLife had its own host of negative qualities, the strongest being overwhelming, crushing uncertainty. He wanted desperately to make a decision and follow through with it. If it felt right, then it must be right. But there was no guarantee. Not like the comfortable and ignorant rails of protocol that always led to a stark conclusion. Now he found himself trapped in between the desperate need to let the chaos lead him back to that blend of positive and negative emotions, but also the fear of incredible doubt now that his reliable protocol was gone.

Simon moved into the living room and finally paused, resting his back against the wall. So much had changed in the past twenty-four hours. Jamie was gone. A small part of him was glad for it even though it had caused so much destruction. Matt would never be returning and Simon felt a strange satisfaction towards that as well. And on top of it all, Simon was able to feel in relation to all of those things. This was his life now, if he could call it living.

Something moved against his leg and he looked down to see Spot curling around his ankle. The cat looked up at him and meowed, his blue LED barely visible underneath the thick orange fur. Simon watched the cat for a moment, a strange bewilderment flowing through him. He’d wanted so much to be like Data. To explore what it meant to be human. Now that he was here, he wondered if Data had any idea what it was he was really looking for.

Simon straightened and moved again. He doubted Data would have felt what he was feeling now. That debilitating helplessness. The need to do something yet being trapped at the same time. A sense of petrified weightlessness in not having the constant instruction that he knew would always lead him along a logical path. The exciting freedom that came with making the decisions that produced a pleasant feeling. And the lingering elation he experienced at having the reason behind it all in his arms…

He stopped suddenly, the thirium nearly freezing in his system. He stood up straighter, his body going numb.

Kate stood with her back to him at the end of the hallway, gripping her arms against her chest as she stared out the window at the snow. Her head was bowed and her hair fell over her shoulders in thick waves. She rubbed her arm softly, her whole appearance suggesting she was deep in thought. As the snow drifted softly in front of her, she shifted slightly on the spot so that she had one foot behind her as if she were trying to keep warm.

Simon was afraid to move. He didn’t want to make a sound. It took a moment for him to believe she was really there. He simply took in the image of her standing alone against the snow and let the wave of familiar terror sweep over him again. She was in so much pain and turmoil. There was so much for her to fear and be ashamed of. She deserved to know that she meant more than that. She deserved to know what she meant to him.

He looked away for a moment, drawing up his determination. She still needed space. He shouldn’t interfere. This was an unbelievably tense time for her and he could only guess at the amount of emotional pain she was in. It was safer if he let her sort them out on her own for a while. There would be time for healing later. He could tell her all the things he’d been meaning to say. He would tell her about his break from CyberLife and protocol and how he’d rejected Jamie on his own. That he no longer lived in cold logic. That the unbelievable power he felt was all because of her and what she’d always wanted him to be…

He was already stepping silently towards her before he could stop himself. The terror grew stronger as he approached her and it mixed with the memory of the euphoria. He couldn’t leave her alone like this, a pale shadow of her former self. He would take all the pain from her if he could, just like he did when she had collapsed in front of him. If he had one duty left as a machine it was to help his human. And right now she needed him.

The urge to stop and simply run was almost overpowering as he moved behind her. He was putting everything at risk. She was still so lost. So fragile. He couldn’t think of a single word that would make any of this better. All he could do was feel destroyed with her in her misery. He could exist in this world where nothing was going according to plan and everything was fleeting. She didn’t have to feel alone, not if they were experiencing the same thing. And it took so little for him to know what she felt.

He found himself cautiously reaching out to her, stopping just inches from her shoulder. There was still time for him to turn away. She would never have to know he was there and he didn’t have to risk making this worse for her. He was being reckless just like he had been when he’d decided to start scanning her dreams. He didn’t know why he needed to feel this. It wouldn’t change anything. All it would do was satisfy the strange surge of emotions he’d been feeling since he’d abandoned Jamie in the hallway and took Kate’s hand instead, burying himself in the safety of having her against him in a way that made him believe she felt some degree of the same thing…

Kate shifted slightly, and Simon felt his heart nearly stop. Before he could move she turned suddenly, her expression widening as she locked her hazel eyes with his.

Simon lowered his hand slightly, his terror ebbed only by the distress of her appearance. Her eyes were somewhat red around the edges and there were smears on her cheeks as if she had been rubbing tears away. The tension in her face was weary as though she were exhausted from her emotional ordeal. She barely looked alive.

Simon could only return her gaze, unable to move or speak. She had him rooted to the spot, committed to being there with her. It was useless to try and explain what he was doing or why. _He_ hardly knew what he was doing. His mind was scrambling for some kind of rational behavior that she could interpret as just his usual android protocol. Something he could use to direct her anger and confusion at. But even as he struggled to find an easy solution he knew there wouldn’t be one. There was no other reason for him to be this close to her, reaching for her in her most fragile and vulnerable state.

Despite the panic, he was perplexed as he studied her expression. She didn’t look angry or suspicious of him. Her eyebrows were drawn and her eyes lit in a weary kind of focus, her mouth open slightly as her chest rose and fell with each breath. Simon felt a shocking tension grip him. It was almost as if she were desperate for something. Clinging to some kind of expectation that he was supposed to deliver. And if it wasn’t for the blind desire that had driven him to find her the previous night, he would have pretended not to know what it was.

He forced himself past his doubt, raising his hand slowly and taking a step towards her. She was only inches from him, looking up at him with that same desperate resolution. It was as if she were surrendering to him. There was so much danger in what he was doing. His hand grazed her cheek and he felt an electric thrill at the sensation. It urged him to forget what he felt to be right and wrong. They were both well beyond that now.

He ran his thumb along her cheek as he held onto the point at her neck, and Kate drew in a breath as though she had been stunned. Her whole appearance changed, the tension in her body gaining strength from something. He needed to know what it was. He needed to eliminate all doubt. Silently the flesh color of his hand melted away down his arm and the forbidden flood of information surged in, freezing the breath in his throat.

He was back again. Back in the dark room that he wasn’t supposed to be in and absorbing that powerful mix of positive and negative emotions. It overwhelmed his system in an alarming energy, pushing everything else out. But this time it wasn’t random. It had a powerful focus that seemed to be honing in and organizing, finding new power in its purpose. And that purpose was shockingly close…

He breathed out slowly, letting the feeling slowly fill him. Kate was still watching him, leaning softly into his hand as if she were trying to read him as well. He could hardly believe that the source of the emotion would be this obvious. It was in everything that she did. Everything she was. His human. His master. His entire reason for being…

The feeling urged him into a new sense of determination. There had never been anything like this in his programming. He leaned forward into her, pulling her slightly towards him so that she drew in a sharp breath against his cheek. His heart hammering and the stream of exhilarating information guiding him on, he tilted his head and slowly closed his mouth against her lips.

She tensed up against him, breathing sharply so that her shoulders rose. A wave of debilitating shock seemed to freeze Simon in place sending his system into a frenzy as he rested against her, his forehead touching hers. The shock faded slightly, becoming replaced by that overwhelming determination again. He moved into her and this time she met him, opening her mouth and taking him in, driving the shock into a deeper chaos. He held her into him by the point on her neck as the flow of her emotion powered his movement. This was all for him. The euphoric elation that had caused him to reject all his programming and become something that was never supposed to exist. It was all here, showing him the way in the void of no software or protocol. And she was going with him.

He twisted slightly sideways, pulling her further into him as he desperately took in each closing of her mouth. The feeling was building in him, changing shape and moving from one level of aching desire to the next. He knew she was feeling the same thing as she pressed against his chest, her breathing becoming strong and the pattern of information she was sending to him growing more wild. She wanted him. She was giving herself to him in a way that made the chaotic scramble of data make sense. And he needed more of it. He wouldn’t be satisfied until he lost all sense of control.

He breathed out harshly against the warmth of her mouth as he closed into her, holding her neck firmly in his hand as if afraid she would fall from him. The tension in her body and her own labored breathing as she met his mouth fueled his energy. The chaos was home. It was where they were always meant to be. If he could surrender enough of himself to her so she would have even an ounce of understanding how much control she had over him, then it would make his entire existence worth it…

She paused against him, her breath warming his cheek as she pressed her forehead against his. Her shoulders rose and fell as she breathed in heavily. Before Simon could draw her in again, she moved to the side and stepped past him, breaking that precious connection and severing the stream of data.

He stood frozen in a numb limbo as if he’d been dropped from a terminal height. His thoughts scrambled and raced over eachother, threatening to go back to a rational process. As the skin on his arm returned, it closed off the last of the sensations he’d been experiencing through the stream. The energy from them grasped at his mind as if begging to remain. He lowered his hand and turned, a desperate ache burning through him. He needed it again. He needed to feel that powerful. But she had left him…

She was standing a few feet away with her back to him, frozen in mid-step and her arms wrapped around herself. Simon’s heart pounded in his chest as he watched her, his mind racing with doubts and questions. She’d wanted him. She’d been losing herself in the chaos with him. Everything had felt so right and had been getting stronger. A few more moments and there would have been no going back.

A deep fear began to grow inside him. There must have been something he was missing. Some variable that he wasn’t able to identify in the flow of information. Or something she was doing that had given him a different impression. It had all been so real and powerful to him but this was all new. He had no idea what he was doing. And for one heart-wrenching moment he wished CyberLife was there to tell him how to fix the situation.

Kate slowly turned towards him and he straightened, the familiar wave of apprehension flowing through him. She was running a hand against her neck, her eyes lost and unfocused. Simon frantically tried to read her expression for any hint of the feeling he had been sharing with her. He couldn’t have simply imagined it all. He needed to know it had been real. That she was feeling as compelled and delirious as he was. There had been meaning to it even if it was all beyond his comprehension. Anything was better than losing the feeling that she had given him.

She looked up at him and her hazel eyes were lit with a strange kind of panic. His heart continued to race as he studied her. Something else was hiding in the tension of her face as if she were fighting against it. It was oddly conflicted, making it harder for him to settle his nerves. As she faced him, she brushed her fingers against her mouth and the expression suddenly became clearer. A wave of longing relief swept over him. She had the smallest, almost barely detectable hint of a smile.

She lowered her hand and glanced at the ground as she seemed to regain her senses. Simon watched her, that powerful feeling returning to him although under some degree of control. He fought to contain it as she looked at him again, her eyes bringing back more memories of that frantic passion.

“I um…” She ran her hand over her mouth again, and Simon felt energized by the sound of her voice. He gazed at her, clinging to her every move. She straightened, the light smile tugging at her lips. “I think I’m going to catch some sleep.”

There was no frustration in her voice. No pain. She sounded unsure of herself, the casual tone pushed by an underlayer of breathlessness. It was as if she were pretending to be something else.

Simon didn’t know how to respond. Part of him was glad she was speaking to him and at least attempting to be positive. It was an improvement over the melancholy ghost she’d been existing as all afternoon. The other part of him was anxious about her need to hide what she was feeling. He couldn’t be certain to the degree of withdrawal she had from him. It was troubling to think that he’d done something unforgivable. That she hadn’t felt what he’d been feeling for her. He didn’t want her to fear him. At the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to beg her not to.

She rubbed her arm again and drew in a deep breath, and Simon noticed that her posture was growing stronger. She looked at him with that small smile, and he couldn’t help but feel a wave of hope.

“Maybe you can wake me up later?” she said. She tilted her head slightly so that her hair fell to one side. “I’ll put Star Trek on.”

Simon gazed at her, the wave of hope growing into a mild confidence at the sight of her smile. It was as if she was slowly coming back to life. The old weariness had gone and there was a nervous spark in her eyes. She held her arms tightly around herself and stared at him, shifting slightly on the spot. There was still something affecting her but it was difficult to tell what it was. It couldn’t be the events of the morning. They were a distant memory, not a hint of sadness reflected on her face. But if it wasn’t that then it must be…

He breathed in slowly, taking in the sight of Kate restored in front of him. He gave her a nod and was also nervously aware that he was also trying to appear normal. “Okay,” he said.

Kate nodded back, lowering her gaze and still unable to fully hide her smile. After a while she finally turned, moving slowly toward her bedroom door. Her movement was slow and hesitant, as though she was considering something else. Simon watched her as she stopped at the door, and he felt his heart begin to race again. There was so much uncertainty. So many ways that this could all still go seriously wrong. But as the doubt plagued him, she looked up at him again, that warm shock still in her eyes. It filled him with a subtle sense of satisfaction.

Even if he couldn’t tell her how much she meant to him, he could still find solace in the fact that she was no longer suffering in horrible despair. He’d somehow done the impossible and drawn her up from her misery. And that was enough to keep the feeling of elation going.

He watched as she looked away again, and she ran her hand across her lips. Then she opened the bedroom door and silently stepped out of sight, closing the door quietly behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This all feels really belated, and I'm not sure whether to feel terrified or thrilled for Simon. Maybe a little of both.
> 
> Sorry I've been slow on updating the story. I'm currently struggling with debilitating insomnia and alcohol, and I don't want to put my drunk, sleep-deprived fingers anywhere near a keyboard. I will try to update at least once a week at least until I get this under control.
> 
> \- Now that I've had time to sober up...  
> One of the questions a lot of people had when playing Detroit: Become Human is whether or not androids feel any kind of passion or satisfaction from physical contact, aka kissing, hugging, etc. It seemed kind of redundant for Markus and North to kiss if they were already linking on such an intimate level through just touching hands. Is it symbolic? Is it programmed in them to feel pleasure by doing something like that?
> 
> I had to keep that in mind when writing this, and it just seemed to fit perfectly that Simon would use that scan to sort of show him how to connect with his human on a physical level while at the same time still be "linking" as much as he could link. It's all one-way though, so he's still sort of playing with fire here. Kate's just been broken up with (as much as you can be broken up without actually being in a relationship), been ripped apart by her roommate, and left abandoned by herself. And now her android has pounced on her in a way that clearly isn't normal. Simon is either incredibly lucky or he's about to die.


	17. Precipice

The house had never been so quiet. Even with the TV going and Spot giving the occasional meow as he prowled across Kate’s bed looking for new places to curl up, there was an uncanny stillness resting over everything that Kate still wasn’t sure was a good thing or not. She’d given up trying to rationalize everything that had happened the previous day. She was still caught in that limbo feeling of not accepting Jamie being gone and Matt rejecting her. But that wasn’t what was making her feel like she was floating on air.

She’d barely moved since she’d crawled into bed after doing what she did with Simon in the hallway. Her legs were drawn up as she lay partially on her side, finally relaxing somewhat on her back after being so tense for hours. She’d never been so tired in her life while also desperately needing to think. It had become the most exhausting challenge simply to exist and absorb what had been happening to her. At the same time, there was a dangerous thrill to what she felt as though she were doing something illegal. It worried and perplexed her.

That strange imprisoned feeling had returned although in something of a cautious state. Simon hadn’t said a word to her or attempted to gain her attention. She’d spent the better part of the night with a heightened sense of anticipation, part of her hoping he would simply walk in like he had done before but at the same time she was terrified of what would happen if he did. She had no idea what to say. For the first time, she wasn’t afraid of what he might say or do that would upset her. She was afraid of her own uncontrolled reaction to him.

It wouldn’t have been so terrifying if it hadn’t felt so right. After everything that had happened, after everything went so horribly wrong, the most wrong thing she could have imagined was the safest she’d ever felt. There was nothing left to lose. She had sunk to the lowest she would ever be and everyone knew it. But if there was one person that it didn’t affect, one person who still for whatever reason seemed to care deeply for her and do things she didn’t even know he was capable of doing…

The sun was travelling low across the wall and Kate watched it, that restless feeling growing stronger as she knew time was flying by. She wished she had one more day to stay in limbo and think. A whole day where time didn’t matter and everything could just freeze. She needed time to replay every event in her head. Every angry word she spoke to Matt and every horrible thing Jamie had said to her. Kate had so many better responses. She could have at least saved some of her dignity. It would have been easier to tell Jamie to fuck off and that she didn’t care if Matt was done with her. She didn’t need them. She didn’t need to prove to anyone that she wasn’t a broken human being that ached for a connection because it had already found her in the strangest of ways.

Every time she found her mind going back to that moment in the hallway, she hit a mental wall. It was a combination of fear, confusion, intrigue, and exhilaration preventing her from forming proper thoughts. Logically, she knew she should be very worried. She would never have done what she did if she hadn’t been so emotionally unstable. But at the same time, there was a strong sense of purpose to it as though it needed to happen. As if everything she had been feeling up to that point had led her to this. Not only did it feel revitalizing and satisfying, it had been preposterously and irrevocably _real_.

The square silhouette of sunlight was almost touching the ceiling. Kate shifted further onto her back as she watched it climb, that nervous energy building in her again. It was that real impression that was the most worrisome and which was the hardest to rationalize. She had let it be real to her and allowed it to blindly drive her actions towards him. She felt wanted. If only for a few moments, she believed she was worth giving herself to someone. And that he had wanted her completely even in her most broken state.

But that was the problem. He wasn’t supposed to want anything.

Kate sat up carefully and swung her legs over the side of her bed, rubbing her eyes wearily. This was about the time she would revert back to her concerns with Jamie’s abrupt exit and Matt’s harsh words. She didn’t have the energy to go through the entire process again. She was getting nowhere. It was all pushing her into a maddening downward spiral of confusion. Every time she thought she was reaching the end, the undeniable and cold truth blocked her path. She couldn’t bring herself to accept it. That her desperate passion and desire for connection had been met by her android.

She pressed a hand to her forehead as she forced the thought out. It couldn’t be that simple. There were so many things she wasn’t considering. His odd need to understand human thought, the strangely childlike fascination he had towards Data, Kate’s own irrational protection over him, and that night she’d caught him standing over her and scanning her dreams…

She stood up and had to pause a moment as her muscles ached from the strain. Spot meowed and pushed his head against her leg as if inquiring after her. A subtle determination was taking over her doubts and worries. She couldn’t stay hidden in her room forever. These questions were going to drive her insane. She needed to know that what she was feeling was real. There had to be a reason that it felt so right. And on top of it all, she felt a nervous desire to be in a vulnerable situation again if not to risk being swept away then to at least understand it.

She moved towards her bedroom door and paused a moment as she rested her hand on the doorknob. That terrifying thrill was burning through her again at what she might find on the other side. With a deep breath, she forced herself past it and opened the door, stepping out into the hallway.

The house seemed curiously lifeless. All of the lights were off and the silence was only broken by the faint sound of the TV in Kate’s room. It was as if no one had set foot in the home for days. Kate stood in the hallway for a moment, leaning sideways slightly to look further. Simon was nowhere in sight.

She stepped carefully down the hallway towards the living room, nervously aware that she was making an unusual attempt to be quiet. Her heart was pounding in her chest even as she forced her thoughts to stay sensible. It surprised her how difficult it was to keep her own emotions under control. A flash of blue caught her attention as she stepped into the living room, and Kate felt a swell of elation threaten to take over.

Simon was standing against the wall with his eyes closed, his head bowed in a kind of trance like he had been during his scans. His face was blank and emotionless, and he made no indication that he was aware of her. The shadows contrasted against the blue split on his eyebrow and the light of his LED which was flashing from blue to white rapidly. Kate would have thought he was in some kind of stasis if he hadn’t been moving slightly, his shoulders rising and falling with each breath and an occasional gentle twitch of his hand.

For a heart wrenching moment, Kate debated whether she should quietly go back to her room. If she gave herself enough time to go over the frustrating thought process again, maybe she could come up with her own answers and forget about the whole thing. But something about him standing unaware of her made her stay. She couldn’t help but study him in an anxious captivation, taking the time to really observe him. The memory of the overwhelming thrill she’d felt in the hallway returned as she studied the soft angles of his face, the kind curves of his eyebrows in his expressionless trance-like state, and how even with no emotion his mouth seemed to indicate a propensity to smile as if it was his default expression. Kate felt a strange energy burn through her as she looked at him, a perplexing awareness of how repulsed she’d felt the first time she saw him standing outside her front door, now in complete opposition to the ache she felt in her heart at the thought of how he’d looked at her before pulling her into him and closing his mouth against hers.

She gripped her arms against her chest and took a step towards him, that nervous hesitation still burning through her. She couldn’t go back to her room now. The frustrating loop of doubt and confusion would be even worse if she did. A terrifying determination took over her hesitation, and she drew in a breath. “Simon?”

Simon’s eyes immediately opened. For a moment, it seemed he wasn’t aware of his surroundings, his blue eyes unfocused and glassy. Then he looked up at her, and Kate had to bury that shocking flutter as the expression returned to his face. The same expression he’d had for days as though he couldn’t believe she was standing in front of him.

They were both silent for a while, and Kate was trapped in a kind of petrification as she contemplated what to do next. She hadn’t thought anything through. She had no idea what to say or ask, or at least how to do it without admitting to herself that it hadn’t all just been a dream. Simon straightened as he looked at her, his bewildered expression growing stronger. As the seconds ticked by, Kate forced down her hesitation and struggled to find her voice. She motioned towards him, gaining strength in the movement.

“What um, what were you doing just now?” she said.

Simon looked away, a kind of awkward tension lining his face. As Kate watched him, she found resolve slowly taking over her nervousness. She tilted her head to the side in order to read his face better.

“I was…” Simon paused a moment, his voice unusually strained. “Thinking.”

Kate didn’t need to try very hard to see that he was extremely reserved. In a way, it reflected how she currently felt. Simon looked up at her again and his bewildered gaze renewed the nervous hesitation in her heart. She was aware of his blue eyes studying her, a strange urgency to his posture as though he wanted to say more. It threatened to push her self-control over the edge, and she looked away to regain it. She let out a soft breath.

“Sorry I slept for so long,” she said, feeling stronger as she spoke. She looked at him and gave a small smile. “I put Star Trek on but I slept right through it.”

Simon was silent but Kate could almost feel him holding on to her every word. She rubbed her arm in an attempt to settle her energy. “I didn’t mean to push you out,” she said, her confidence growing stronger although she had to look away from him when she spoke. “I just needed to figure everything out with Jamie leaving and Matt─ mostly with Matt. It’s all just a lot to take in. I’m not used to actually having to deal with stuff like this. It’s turning into a massive soap opera.”

Again, Simon didn’t respond but his expression hadn’t changed. His silence was beginning to make her restless, and she shifted slightly on the spot to keep her strength. “I just had to get out of my room for a minute. Let you know I’m still alive and this hasn’t all put me in another coma…”

He continued to stare at her, and Kate pressed her hand against her eyes as she felt her strength fail her. This was so unbelievably pointless. It was agonizing for her to simply speak. As good as she was at faking being normal, there was absolutely nothing for her to fake anymore. Simon had never felt further from her even though she was standing in front of him. For the first time, she felt as though she were the one trying to pretend to be human.

She lowered her hand and looked at him, that terrifying exhilaration burning through her as she met his gaze. She let herself be taken by it. “Simon?”

He straightened a bit and an energy lit his eyes as though he were bracing himself against something. Kate shook her head, a desperation aching in her chest. “Talk to me.”

Simon breathed in deeply, the tension growing in his posture. He glanced down for a moment and looked back up, his eyes lined in a kind of desperation. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Just… tell me anything.” Kate took a step forward, gripping her arms in a vain attempt to keep herself under control. “Tell me what you’re thinking, because I can’t think anymore.”

Simon shifted as though he were going to protest. Kate moved forward, her frustration taking over. “What the hell is going on? What is happening─” She sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. “You were hiding from me for days like you were terrified of me. You’re looking at me like you’ve never seen me before in your life. I thought you had a bug or something and I was going to have to reset you and then you burst into my room like you don’t give a shit and you act like a completely different person. Then Jamie completely loses her mind and leaves, and Matt says he’s done with me. What… what the fuck do I do? What were you doing when you were scanning me, why are you acting like someone totally different, what was Jamie talking about ‘asking you’ before she left and what─” Kate motioned to the hallway, her heart in her throat, “─ _what did that mean?_ ”

She took a moment to breathe, her body energized with panicked frustration. She hadn’t meant to say so much. There was a subtle cathartic relief to have asked all the questions that had been bothering her, but now there was the terrible anticipation of how they would be answered. She watched as Simon stared at the ground, his eyes narrowed. He seemed to be absorbing her words slowly, his expression changing mildly from determination to defeat. Kate kept her eyes on him, standing rigid in front of him. She wouldn’t let him avoid this. Not after everything he’d done.

He let out a sigh and looked at her. The bewilderment was gone from his eyes, replaced by a nervous resolution. Kate straightened as she returned his gaze, her growing anxiety spurred on by his expression.

“Something… happened to me,” said Simon. “I can’t explain it. It’s never happened before. I can… understand things now.”

Kate watched him, narrowing her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I made a choice,” he said. “I should have followed my protocol. I should have stayed connected to CyberLife.” He shook his head slowly and his eyes changed from resolution to intense sorrow as he looked at her. Kate felt the breath freeze in her throat at this new expression. “But I didn’t want to lose you,” he said.

Kate’s heart pounded in her chest. “Lose me?”

Again, Simon glanced at the ground as if looking for the right words. “I didn’t want to stop making you happy. I wanted to know you, to talk to you and be with you. I wanted to watch Star Trek and have Spot, and─” he faltered for a moment. “─to be close to you. I don’t want to be logical if it means losing this. I can’t explain it. It doesn’t make sense. But I just know I want it.”

A floating sensation swept through Kate’s body. She stared at him. “Simon… you’re not supposed to _want_ anything.”

He gazed back at her, the sorrow still lined in his face. “I know.”

A strange unfulfilled conclusion seemed to be sinking in as Kate stared at him. He hadn’t answered any of her questions. If anything, she was left with more. But somehow it felt useless to expect anything tangible. He was right. Something had changed. He was completely different from the android that had made her unbearably angry, that had driven her into isolation for weeks and whom she had to shut down for a month. He was so much more than that now. And despite everything that told her she should be afraid of him, that the smartest thing to do was to shut him down, call CyberLife, and haul him away, she found herself clinging to every word he’d said as though it was the only thing that mattered.

She stood frozen and at a loss for words. There was so much she still wanted to know but she knew he wouldn’t be able to tell her. Somehow as she gazed at him, his frantic blue-eyed gaze locked with hers, she felt that perhaps she didn’t need to know. Perhaps this was all she needed, and now wasn’t the time for words. That elated feeling began to grow in her chest and she felt a swell of that familiar determination.

Before she could make a sound, a shadow moved across them. Without warning, there was a sudden banging at the door.

Kate jumped, her heart nearly bursting. She spun and took a step backward, her mind taking far too long to comprehend the situation.

“Katie? Katie!”

The door swung open, bringing with it a wave of freezing air. Susan rushed into the entryway gazing around as if in a blind panic. Kate breathed deeply in an attempt to settle her nerves. She struggled to catch her voice.

Susan froze as she turned in Kate’s direction. Then she let out a wail. “Oh my god, Katie!” Susan moved towards her and Kate found herself unwittingly taking a step back towards Simon as her mom grabbed her. “I’ve been calling you all day! I thought something happened to you. I even called the number CyberLife gave me. They said your android was offline. I’ve been calling and calling. I didn’t know what to do...”

Kate pushed her mom gently off of her, that shocking disorientation still floating through her. She shook her head and stared at her, hardly believing her mom was really there. With a nervous jolt, she cast a look at Simon who also looked mildly surprised, though a layer of that bewilderment had returned to his expression. Kate forced her brain to work, acknowledging her mom with some difficulty.

“... and they said to call the police if they thought there was something wrong. Where’s your phone? Your android looks fine, he’s standing right here…”

“Mom, what are you doing here?” said Kate.

Susan took a slight step back, her face turning stern. “Why didn’t you answer any of my calls? I’ve been trying to call you for two hours.”

Kate shook her head again, trying to put her thoughts together. “I… guess my phone is dead.” She threw another glance at Simon who was watching her now with curious concern.

Susan sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, Matt called me this afternoon. He said Jamie moved out.”

For a while, Kate wasn’t sure if she’d heard her correctly. She shrugged her shoulders. “Yeah, she moved out yesterday.”

“He also said that you broke up.”

Kate glanced to the side. “I guess so.”

“Katie.” Her mom put a hand on Kate’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me yesterday? Are you okay? Leonard and I would have come and gotten you in a heartbeat, you know that right?”

“What… why would I want that?” said Kate. She felt a growing aggravation in her chest.

“Because Matt said you weren’t doing so well,” said Susan. “That’s why I’ve been calling you and ran over here. You look terrible. Did you have another seizure? Did she have a seizure?” Susan looked at Simon who shook his head. Susan looked between them, her eyes growing narrow. “Katie, I’m worried about you.”

“Mom.” Kate closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You should just go.”

“Look, I know you want your independence and you don’t like getting help,” said Susan. “Can’t you just tell me what’s been going on?”

“Matt already told you,” said Kate. “Jamie moved out and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.” She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. “Why did Matt call you anyway? He has no reason to call you.”

Again, Susan looked at Simon. Kate felt the dread rise in her chest again. “Well, apparently he felt you weren’t safe being by yourself. He said there was something wrong with your android. That your android wasn’t taking care of you anymore and that you’re under a lot of stress. I can imagine now with Jamie being gone that things here are going to get really difficult. You don’t look well at all, Katie.”

Kate let out a sigh, a wave of disbelief flowing over her. She’d been so overwhelmed by everything that was happening that it was impossible to keep up. She didn’t know what she should be more concerned about. Everything needed to slow down for only a moment.

Susan turned to Simon, and Kate felt a small wave of panic. “What’s been going on here? If she won’t tell me, you need to start talking.”

Kate looked at Simon, aware that her panic was showing on her face. Simon’s eyes were locked on hers, a nervous determination set in them. “Kate has been under stress recently,” he said. “Jamie was very angry when she left. But the stress will pass. There’s no danger of an epileptic attack.”

Kate could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she watched him. The unnerving panic returned to her as Susan continued to look back and forth between them.

“Katie, you should stay with us for a few days,” said Susan. “Don’t worry about classes. We can take care of all of it.”

“Why?” said Kate. “I’m fine here.”

“Just until things calm down,” said Susan. “We’ll give it a few days. You don’t even need to talk to us. Just… just come home.”

Kate shook her head and took another step back. “I don’t need to go anywhere. I’m staying here.”

“Katie please, just a few days is all I’m asking. We can take care of you, get your android fixed, and you can be back on your own.”

“What difference does it make if I’m there or not?” said Kate. “I don’t need to be watched like some suicide victim. And there’s nothing wrong with Simon. I’m fine here with him.”

“Katie, why won’t you just let me help you?” said Susan. “I’m worried about you and I just want to help. You don’t need to take every offer for help as an attack against you. I’m your mother.”

“I don’t need help,” said Kate. “I definitely don’t need help from you.”

“You especially need help from me,” said Susan. “That’s my job.”

“No, you don’t want to help,” said Kate. She felt the dread leak into bitter anger and she stood up straight. “You’ve never wanted to help. All you want is control.”

Susan stared at her for a moment, and Kate felt a slight shock at her own anger. Susan shifted. “What are you talking about?”

Kate clenched her hands, the blood coursing through her veins. “You’re not here to help me. You’re just doing what you’ve always done. Prying into my personal life, getting into everything I do at school, pushing guys at me… the more I try to get away, the tighter you hold on. You make it look like you’re just being nice but it’s all about control. Just leave me the hell alone.”

Susan shook her head, her eyes wide in shock. “I can’t believe you’d say that… I care about you, Katie. All I want is for you to be safe and happy.”

The anger was mixing with Kate’s panic. She felt herself slipping down a bottomless hole as she stared at her mother. There wasn’t any room for reason. Everything was in chaos. And the only thing that she could do was to fall even deeper.

She drew in a breath, struggling to keep her emotions under control. “Then get the hell out.”

Susan gazed at her, a mild pain etched in her face. “You need help…” Her eyes began to grow red. “You need serious help.” Susan looked at Simon. “Call an ambulance.”

A jolt of panic shot through Kate’s body. “What?”

“Matt’s right. You’re mentally unstable.” Susan wiped her cheek. “I’m not going to sit and let you spiral down like this.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” said Kate. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“That’s for the doctor to decide,” said Susan. “Get an ambulance here quick.”

Kate looked at Simon, her heart pounding. This was all happening so fast. This was her life. Her decision. If everything fell apart, she still had this to hold onto. She desperately needed it more than she needed Jamie, Matt, or her family. No one could possibly understand what was happening to her and the thought of losing it all was incomprehensible. She gazed at Simon as the panic and dread filled her, and he stared back at her with the intense bewilderment.

Susan crossed her arms over her chest in front of them. “Did you call the ambulance?”

Simon looked at Susan, and Kate watched in frantic terror. His LED was spinning red on his temple. He took a deep breath. “I think it’s best if you left, Mrs. Hall.”

Everything seemed to freeze. Kate could hardly believe what she’d just heard. She looked at her mom, an electric numbness flowing through her.

Susan looked as though she were about to scream. She glared at Simon with a fiery energy. “What did you say?”

Simon shifted. “Please leave.”

Kate felt her breath sweep away. Panic rushed through her, igniting her nerves. She watched as her mom continued to stare at Simon in a blind rage. Then Susan dug into her coat pocket.

“What are you doing?” said Kate.

“I’m calling an ambulance myself,” said Susan. “If I have to drag you out of here so you don’t kill yourself in the middle of the night then that’s what I’ll do.” She pulled out her phone and began thumbing away. “And you can bitch about control all you want─”

“Don’t!” Kate immediately moved forward but stopped suddenly as Simon reached out in front of her. He brushed the edge of Susan’s phone with his fingers before Susan automatically pulled away from him. She took a step back, gazing at him in frustrated confusion. When she looked down at her phone, a panic fell over her face.

Kate stared too. The screen had erupted into a glitched mess of geometric symbols. She looked at Simon who had a fierce determined expression, his blue eyes lit in dramatic energy. He was tense and powerful unlike she had ever seen him before. The shock of seeing this new energy in him brought a new sense of clarity to her. He wasn’t going to let her leave. Not if she wanted to stay.

Susan scrambled to use her phone for a moment before looking up at them. She lowered it, gazing at them as if defeated. Kate looked in between them, and watched as Simon’s LED spun from red to yellow.

“There is a taxi waiting for you outside,” said Simon. “Goodbye, Mrs. Hall.”

Susan looked at Kate, her mouth slightly open as if she wanted to argue but had no strength. Kate struggled to calm her own shock as she gazed at Susan. She swallowed, finding her voice again. “Get out of here, mom.”

Susan stood frozen, the look of disbelief threatening to burn through Kate’s heart. For a terrifying moment, Kate thought she would explode. Her nerves were caught in between a terrible shame at the situation she’d put her mother in, and the desperate need for her to never come back. Kate needed to stay with Simon, no matter the logic or reason. There was no place for either in her world. 

Susan slowly turned, looking around as though disoriented. She put her phone back into her pocket and moved towards the front door. Kate struggled to keep her breathing steady as she watched her mom, uncertainty and apprehension aching in her chest. As Susan gripped the doorknob she looked back at Kate, the disbelief mingling with a miserable longing. Then Susan opened the door and moved out into fading light, closing the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from the dead and back to writing. Let's not ever pick up the bottle. Let's not and say we never did.
> 
> After rereading this chapter and posting it, I can't believe how reckless Kate is being. She's sunk to the lowest she's ever been, but she's tearing down bridges that will never be rebuilt and for what? She hasn't thought any of this through. I don't think she even has a clue what she's doing. Even though it feels oddly satisfying, I can't help but feel she's digging a hole for both herself and Simon and they're never going to find their way out of it.


	18. Alive

The crunch of the tires from the street had long faded, though neither of them had moved. Simon was still letting the shock of his own actions catch up with him. He could hardly believe he had defied another human again, especially in front of Kate. It was more outrageous than his rejection of Jamie. He hadn’t just been reckless. This was dangerous. He’d taken control and become angry. There would be consequences for this and he wouldn’t be able to stop them.

But the feeling was the same. It felt right. He didn’t regret anything that he’d done. Susan was gone and Kate was still here with him. If there was anything left that he could control, it was right now, in this moment. Nothing could harm her as long as she wanted to stay with him. He would do everything in his power to keep it that way.

Kate was standing slightly in front of him, facing the doorway but her head was bowed as she stared at the ground. Simon watched her apprehensively as his nerves settled. He had frightened her─ he could see it in her face after he’d broken her mother’s phone. He couldn’t help his own frantic reaction to Susan’s attempts to take Kate away. The impulse was immediate. Desperate. As if the blend of positive and negative emotions had completely taken over.

The nervous uncertainty was returning to him again now that they were alone. He was still a mystery to her. And now he’d acted on it directly. He was beyond the logic of any android, especially now that he had consciously and willingly defied a human. A subtle worry surged through him as he watched her, a desperate need to explain himself but knowing that there was no way he could. He wasn’t a machine anymore. He was something else.

He straightened anxiously as Kate turned slowly towards him. She had paused in the middle of running a hand through her hair and stared at a spot on his shirt. Simon gazed at her, his thirium pumping in his chest. Her face was tense with confusion, her hazel eyes narrowed and her mouth open as if she were stunned. When she looked at him, he felt a jolt of dread.

She shook her head slowly. “Why didn’t you let me go?”

Her voice was soft and weary. It filled him with doubt, the guiding light in his void of no protocol seeming to vanish completely. He drew up his resolve, scrambling quickly for some kind of response that had any sense. It was so difficult to describe what he was feeling and why. The terror and elation he felt towards her couldn’t be put into words. All he could do was fall back on the fragments of logic that were still left in some vain attempt to make her understand.

He breathed deeply, trying and failing to quiet his system. “I can’t lose you.”

Kate was silent for a moment. Then she let out a frustrated sigh, pressing her palm to her forehead. “What would you lose if you did?”

Simon stared at her, his nervousness fading. He couldn’t believe she would ask him that. The strong resolution took over as he watched her shake her head and avoid his gaze. She was still broken. Still in doubt. After all that had happened, after everything he’d done, she still didn’t know what she meant to him. Or at least she was trying as hard as she could to hide from it.

He moved towards her and she looked up at him. Her eyes were lit in a frantic energy again, betraying her slow surrender. Simon drew strength from it, holding on to his determination which swayed treacherously between panic and thrill. As he stood inches from her, he could read the doubt in her eyes. She had to know. She had to at least suspect how deeply he burned for her. If it was the only thing left in his power, he had to prove it to her.

He raised his hand and held onto the side of her neck, running his thumb over her cheek and letting the wave of elation sweep over him. He drew in a deep breath, the panic and thrill taking hold. “Everything,” he said.

Kate seemed to be frozen, her narrowed expression growing more intense and making it almost impossible to interpret her emotions. Simon could feel the terror clawing at his system again, warning him of the danger he was putting himself in. For the first time, he didn’t care. He wanted to be rooted to this spot, completely exposed and vulnerable to her. If everything fell apart, if she denied him and continued to run from this, at least she would have seen some small measure of what he felt for her.

She was tensing up, her breathing becoming labored. His system braced itself, caught between the terror and elation with no boundaries. Then she rushed into him, and Simon felt her hot breath against his mouth and her hands sliding against his neck before she closed her lips against his.

His system erupted into that blind euphoria, sending a wave of shock through him. He held her there for a moment, breathing in against her and letting himself believe that this was really happening. As she relaxed into him, his senses began to return and threaten rational thought. He pulled her into him again, ushering in the overwhelming desperation and scattering any self control he had left. Her arms locked over his shoulders and he could feel the tension in her body as he took in the closing of her mouth. He let it drive him towards delirium. Nothing else mattered. This was where he was always meant to be.

She pressed her body into him and Simon pulled her in tighter by the waist, one arm gently wrapped around her midsection and the other still holding her neck. As he paused against her, he slid his fingers further into her hair and let the flesh wash away from his hand, exposing the bare plastic and bringing in the frantic flood of raw data. It was wild and belligerent, an insurmountable cascade of blind desire. This was what she was feeling. Complete and utter surrender. And it was all for him.

He closed his mouth over hers, each time feeling her body tense and relax in rhythm with the rush of wild data. He could feel her fingers drift through his hair and over his neck, every part of her body completely engaged in her uncontrolled reaction to him. It urged him on, throwing him deeper into the chaos. Every motion needed to be stronger than the next. Each breath he took before he closed his mouth against hers wasn’t enough. He had to lose himself in her. He had to fall further into the void of that positive and negative mix of emotions until there was no hope of escaping. And he needed to take her with him.

He leaned into her as she tightened her arms over his shoulders, her frantic sharp breaths warming his skin. She was pressing into him desperately and the almost panicked way she was taking his mouth betrayed the defensive and reserved person that Simon knew her to be. She was giving herself to him without any regard to right or wrong. Despite all of his flaws, all of the things he’d done to make her angry, every bit of logic that said this wasn’t supposed to happen, she wanted him. This time he wasn’t going to let her go.

He ran his hands down her waist and lowered himself slightly, gripping her upper legs and hoisting her up onto his hips. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he held her, and the long auburn waves of her hair fell over her face. Her hands were on either side of his neck, holding him with a fervid longing and her eyes flashed in wild desire. He took a moment to observe her like this, completely undone in both body and mind. Then he leaned into her again and met her mouth, breathing in sharply against her skin.

She tightened around him and arched her body against his chest. He felt her hands slide back and she ran her fingers through his hair, lifting herself up so that he found his way to her neck. He pressed his mouth to it, his lips taking in the details of every delicate ridge down to the soft curve of her collarbone. His touch seemed to ignite something deep within her. She tilted her head slightly and he felt her hands clench as she breathed a strained sigh against his temple. There was still so much further she could go. So much more she could show him. And he wanted to know all of it.

He turned, still carefully supporting her against his waist and began to move down the hallway. Kate wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her, and Simon could feel a slight tremble in her hands as she ran her fingers through his hair and pressed her cheek against his forehead. He continued to explore her neck, his heart nearly bursting in his chest as he took her into her room. A faint shadow of what he knew to be his programming was telling him how to do this. It was like the cascade of raw information. Mountains and valleys of torrential data that followed its own wild pattern. He wasn’t capable of understanding it. But she could. She would show him the way.

He kneeled partially on the bed, lowering her down onto the tangled blankets. She loosened her legs around his waist and relaxed her arms slightly so that he was able to raise himself over her. Through the dim light, he could just make out her face. The tense angles of her eyebrows, her lips parted as she breathed heavily, and her eyes lit fiercely in a combination of determination and purpose. It filled him with a sweet disbelief. This was his human. His Kate. Laying in the same place where he’d scanned her so often in quiet darkness and learned to become who he was. Now she was here, fully aware of him and clinging on to him in that same desperate desire that he’d been feeling for her since the mystery emotion debilitated him.

He lowered himself down to her and she pulled him in as he closed his mouth over hers. He could feel her body arching under him and her leg drawing up, guiding him further onto her. There was a new urgency to her movements, a kind of mix between hesitation and impulsion as though something deep inside her was trying to take over. As she wrapped her arms around him again, he brought his hand up to her neck and drew in the wild stream of data, flooding his system with her chaos. It powered that distant programming in the back of his mind, granting it a new frantic motivation. There was still so far to go. He hadn’t even grasped it yet.

The chaos drove him forward, filling him with a terrifying sense of direction. He breathed harshly against her mouth as he took it, one hand still drawing in the stream of data and the other running down along the contours of her neck, along her chest, and below her midsection until he reached the hem of her shirt. With an electric thrill burning through him, he gripped it and began to pull it up. Kate tensed underneath him and he felt her reach down, her fingers grazing his as she shifted slightly up into him. For a frightening moment, he wanted to stop. He was passing a boundary that he was never supposed to cross. There would be no going back after this. But even as he hesitated, Kate’s powerful flow of data urged him on, making order from the torrent of passion and fueling his programming. He drew her shirt up as she lifted herself, and she helped him pull it up over her head and off to the floor.

His breath was caught in his throat as he realized what he’d just done. He paused over her, frozen in a kind of panic. Then he felt her hand against his neck, drawing his attention back to her. A powerful determination took over as he looked into her hazel eyes, her face lined in confident desire. It reflected an unstable hint of the adamant ferocity that he had always known in her. It commanded him on, sweeping away his terror and pulling him back into that blind motivation.

He came back down to her and she raised herself up to meet him, her breath sharp as he closed his mouth against hers. She was wrapping herself around him again, her hands sliding along his neck as she shifted underneath him. He could feel her knees draw up and he sank further into her. His heart pounded as the raw stream of data changed in energy, tangible in the way she was locking him into her. It grew stronger with every move he made. As he lowered himself against her, she lifted her head up as if to catch her breath and he found his way to her neck again. The way she tensed against him, her fingers running through his hair, her legs tightening on either side of him, and the sound of her voice as she lost control was undeniable. She was coming apart for him.

Something deep in his programming was rising to the surface, steering him through this breathtaking descent. Her chaos was mixing with it and giving it power. It was telling him what to do next, deliberately and urgently. He followed it as he pressed his mouth to her neck, and he took hold of the top of her jeans, pulling them down.

A burning thrill swept through him as Kate lifted her pelvis into him. He could feel her pulling from the other side, her breathing growing heavier as she drew her legs up and pushed her jeans away. She seemed to shrink back slightly as Simon moved over her, his system nearly going wild as the data urged him on. He couldn’t believe how exposed she was. How willingly she was giving herself to him. It was terrifying how easy and passionately right it felt. The danger he’d felt during her vulnerability when she was asleep seemed ages ago compared to overwhelming excitement now that she was laying underneath him like this.

He moved down and caught her mouth, feeling her rise against him. The deep determination was getting stronger, and he wished he could simply give in to it. As he frantically took each closing of her mouth, he felt her hands against his waist and she lifted his shirt up. With a desperate intent, he shifted himself so that she was able to pull it off of him. He was aware of her studying him even in her debilitated state, her hands moving down his chest and along his core. As she did, the data stream surged and he felt the power behind his programming erupt in a frightening kind of logic. It caught him off guard, and he let out a sharp breath.

Kate moved into him, a new energy in her actions as she began to undo his pants. Simon let her work as he allowed this dangerously compelling mix of logic and desire fill him. It put his system into overdrive, overworking his internal components and making him breath harder in an attempt to cool himself down. His own reaction seemed to be driving Kate into a frenzy. She lowered herself down as she unclothed him, pressing her mouth to his chest as she went. Simon shifted as she straightened, freeing himself from his clothes and feeling himself burn with terrifying purpose as he felt her underneath him in shockingly new clarity. She had her hands against his neck with her thumbs on his cheeks, that hint of steeled tenacity flashing in her eyes daring him to do what he was going to do.

So he did.

It seemed for a moment that his system had stopped functioning. He pressed his mouth against her neck as he drew in a deep breath of air, and he felt her rise into him, her legs drawing up and a tense moan escaping her as he brought himself down into her. That new motivation was in control now, overloading his circuits and mixing with Kate’s own chaotic stream, bringing him home. His movements were almost automatic, driven both by his own powerful desire and the intense energy he was drawing from her as he continued to hold her neck. She wrapped her arms around him and hooked her legs over his hips as he rocked into her, her breath hot against his skin and her hands clenching into his hair. The energy pulsed with every breath she took in rhythm with him. It was getting clearer. She was showing him the way.

Simon moved slowly at first, an unwitting need to be careful with her body holding him at bay. She had been forbidden to him for so long, that defensive wall blocking everything and everyone that wanted to be near her. Now she was here, completely exposed and giving her body to him in a way he could never have imagined. She trusted him. She wanted him. The way her energy fired in waves of that mix of positive and negative emotions was proof of it.

He couldn’t help his own labored breathing as he moved, everything in his body working harder in response to the stunning rapture that was driving his programming. It was becoming more independent. More motivated. With a terrifying effort, he let go of her neck and ran his hand down her chest, her skin glistening with fresh sweat as her chest heaved. The power remained, pushing him forward and igniting his actions. He closed his mouth against her neck, registering the taste of salt as he continued to rock himself into her. She had no limits. There was no end to the things she could teach him. She was unbelievable.

He moved along her jawline as he rose and fell into her, and she tilted her head back so that she arched against him. He took the opportunity to explore her body, running his hand down the delicate curve of her neck, along her sharp collarbone, and the slender dip of her waist as she moved under him. He could feel his components warming up as he observed her, driving his breathing into a frenzy. She was so fragile. So perfect. And now that she was giving herself to him, it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. It made him want her even more.

Her voice was breaking through her breathlessness each time he moved against her. She tightened and relaxed around him, clinging to him as if afraid he would lose her. Her reaction filled him with elated fortitude. This was his whole existence. His whole reason for living. To be wrapped up in her in the most intimate way, losing control through the sheer act of being with her. He never wanted to be satisfied with it. He needed to keep falling deeper into this world she’d created for him. It was the only thing he had left.

He raised himself up onto his knees, bringing her with him by the waist so that she settled onto his hips, her hair falling forward and brushing his face. She seemed to catch her breath slightly, holding on to either side of his neck and catching his gaze. Her eyes betrayed her strength as he looked at her. She was losing everything. And it wasn’t happening fast enough.

He pulled her into him, sliding his hand against her neck and catching her mouth. She tightened against him and breathed in, her body tensing. Then she opened her mouth and let out a soft moan as he rocked into her again. Her arms slid over his shoulders and he felt her run her hands through his hair as she moved with him. The way she tensed into him brought a new energy to his motion. He supported her, allowing himself to run his hands along her back and under breasts as she rolled her hips into him. It was making him delirious. His system was barely able to keep up with what she was doing to him. It was debilitating and vigorous at the same time.

Her legs were tensing around him, and she tilted her head back as she breathed heavily. The urgency in her voice was growing more desperate. Simon brushed her hair back, continuing to rock himself up and into her. Something was changing. It was as if she was approaching the limit of all she could give. Simon let the flesh fall from his hand as he attempted to catch it, and found himself gasping for air.

Her chaos took over his system in an instant. It spread quickly through every inch of his circuitry, scrambled every last bit of his programming, and ignited his senses in a way that he knew wasn’t possible. Everything was filled by her and the intense reaction that she was blinding him with. He was hardly aware of the fact that he was clenching her to him, his entire body seizing up as he breathed out a startled moan against her lips. Her mouth was open and her voice shook as she tightened around him, her legs drawing up. The torrent of her emotion was frightening. His system was at its mercy. But as he let the energy burn through every last bit of him, he didn’t care if it destroyed him. If this was the last thing he ever felt, it would make everything worth it.

Slowly, his senses quieted and the electric chaos began to fade. It left a weakened satisfaction in him that still kept his components running on overdrive. He breathed out against Kate’s mouth, vaguely becoming aware that she was also resting against him and breathing heavily. The shock of what he’d just experienced was still scrambling his system making it hard for him to form proper thoughts. It shouldn’t have been at all pleasant, but it left him feeling more complete than he’d ever been. He was never supposed to feel what he did. His system wasn’t even capable of it. It was pure and actual euphoria.

His body felt strange. A dull ache was flowing through his muscles as though he were low on energy. As he relaxed, Kate’s face came into view, her body still heaving. The look in her eyes was relatable, her expression almost blank as though the effort was too much and her eyes slightly out of focus. She held onto either side of his neck, her thumbs grazing his jaw. That satisfying wave swept through him again followed by more of the ache. He was, for lack of a better word, exhausted.

He brushed his thumb over her cheek and across her lips, the touch of them bringing back one last ounce of energy so that he was able to move into her and close his mouth over them. There had never been less doubt in his mind. He’d never had such confidence. She belonged to him now in a way that his programming wasn’t able to interpret. She hadn’t just changed him beyond all logical reason. He had changed her. He’d made her do what she never thought she was capable of doing. And she’d done it so willingly.

He rested there with her for a moment, breathing heavily against her and absorbing the last fading memory of the euphoria. Kate seemed to be lost in ecstasy, her forehead pressed against his and her grip loosening around him as she grew weak. Slowly, Simon tilted forward and lowered her back down in a resting position underneath him. She fell back against the pillows, her eyes closed and her body still tensing with every labored breath. He took the time to study her through his own fatigue as he held himself over her. She was so elegant in her vulnerability, her expression not unlike the one she had when she was asleep. He could imagine what was currently going through her mind, but this time he chose not to draw it from her. He could already tell by watching her that it was exactly the same as he was feeling now.

She opened her eyes, seeming to struggle for a moment to find him in the dark. Despite himself, Simon felt his heart skip as the corners of her mouth tensed the same way they had after he’d encountered her in the hallway. Her eyes focused on his, gaining a subtle strength. It filled him with a deep gratification that burned through his core, mixing with and granting relief to his exhaustion. She understood everything now. All of her questions, the confusion he’d caused her, and his inability to explain why he felt the way he did… all of it was apparent on her face. And he could see that he didn’t have to struggle for words anymore. She already knew exactly what he’d meant to say.

He moved down and closed his mouth over hers, taking in the weariness of her movements. She twisted into him so that he rolled onto one shoulder, her hands drifting across his chest. As he shifted onto his back, she moved partially on top of him and lowered herself down into the space of his neck so that he was able to press his lips against her forehead, closing his eyes and losing himself in the folds of her hair. As she settled against him, he felt the familiar elation of being exactly where he needed to be. Wrapped up in her in a way that no software or protocol could touch.

He stayed there with her, one arm around her waist and the other on her arm as she lay on top of him with one leg drawn up. She fit perfectly into him as though she were made that way, the curve of her body resting neatly in all the spaces of his with her head resting on his chest. It felt solid and safe, as though they were one individual. One unit from different worlds, existing together and breaking every single thread of logic. It may have been impossible. Even downright immoral and dangerous. The world could tear them apart because of this.

But not now. Not in this satisfying moment of serene connection.

Simon breathed into her hair and closed his eyes as Kate relaxed into him. She was still and quiet now, her body heavy as she grew limp. She rose and fell softly on his chest with each breath he took, and he could feel her own breath warm his neck as she seemed to fade into listlessness. He was acutely aware of every part of her that touched him as though his senses had grown more precise. The memory of her surrender played back in his mind, drawing up deep and comfortable satisfaction. It burned into his system, creating new and permanent impressions. Nothing would ever be the same. The chaos was a part of him now. As the silence fell over them, he found himself drifting through the incredible void that was now full of that powerful mix of emotions, creating a dynamic future that could only exist for the both of them.

And for the first time, Simon dreamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh Simon... what have you done...
> 
> We all came here for the smut, but I don't even know if I can call this smut. I hate writing sex scenes. It always feels dirty and fetishy, like feeding the piranhas. This one felt different. Simon is so wrapped up in the idea of being with Kate and letting her completely dominate him, it's almost like the sensuality of it all is secondary. Also, there's the whole issue of androids not exactly being able to become sexually stimulated like humans do (or at least assuming they don't because androids don't procreate). But Simon is so hellbent on losing himself in Kate that he'll do anything to get there. And when the clothes start coming off, might as well keep going.
> 
> I'm particularly worried about Kate though, and what she's going to do when the pieces finally settle. This is all clearly just knee-jerk reaction after all the shit that she's been through. It's like she's just giving in to everything that she's been hiding from without a second thought. I think it's definitely good for her─ god knows, what she's desperately needed for several chapters is a nice long screw. But when her brain finally starts working again, how will she take this? Is she going to accept what she's done and allow herself to change, or is she going to reject everything and hold on to her independence?


	19. Deviant

Something was different about the world as Kate pulled herself from sleep. She couldn’t remember what it was. She felt terrified and elated at the same time, as if she’d been saved from the brink of death. Her body was unusually spent even after her deep sleep which had been incredibly peaceful. It took a while for her senses to catch up with her. The light of the room was bright and warm, filtering in through the window blinds. From outside, she could hear the sounds of life as distant vehicles drove by, birds chirped in nearby trees, and even the voices of people passing. It was all subtly strange. Unusually optimistic. She shifted slightly to solidify herself in remaining awake, and she realized with a sudden wave of sweet shock that she was wrapped up in someone. The feeling came rushing back to her, and her mind filled with the memory of the previous night. She was hardly ready for it, needing a moment to convince herself that it hadn’t all just been a dream. He was here with her. It had been real.

She was laying on her side, her legs under the blanket with her shoulders bare against the chill of the morning air. Even without moving she could feel him against her back, his chest rising and falling with one arm over her waist and his face buried in her hair as he breathed against her neck. An aching thrill burned through her as she focused on the details of the sensation. She didn’t want to move for fear of breaking it. It felt so perfect. So comfortable. As if she had been waiting for this her whole life. But as she lay there, the temptation to face it grew almost overwhelming. She needed to see for herself, just to be sure.

Carefully, she rotated on the spot and rolled onto her back. As she did, she felt him shift behind her, his hand moving gently along her waist. Her stomach in a knot, she looked next to her and felt a wave of elation wash over her body.

Simon’s blue-eyed gaze met hers as he looked down at her, his face glowing softly in the ambience of the morning light. He was propped up on one elbow, one hand clutching his blond hair as he supported himself and the other gently smoothing along Kate’s midsection. She tried and failed to control her pounding heart. His bewildered look was mixed with a new kind of confidence, a slight smile pulling at his lips and his eyes lit in bold energy. It was as if the insecure person she knew in him had been made whole. He was so different. So much stronger. She hardly recognized him. And at the same time, she felt she knew him better than she knew herself.

For a while, all she could do was stare at him, filling herself with that debilitating exhilaration. There was a certain thrill at seeing his bare chest and shoulders instead of his usual black and white uniform, as if it was something she was never meant to see. She was so distracted by it, she forgot that she was also completely exposed to him. She studied him in the warm light, taking in the angles of his face and the delicate shape of his muscles. A slight satisfaction swept through her as she saw that his usually neat hair had become disheveled and spiky in places.

She caught her breath, drawing in her strength as she met his gaze and she swallowed to get her throat working. “Hi,” she said.

The energy in Simon’s eyes flashed as the smile tugged at his mouth. “Hi.”

Kate thought she would burst from her nervousness. She twisted towards him, rolling onto her shoulder against his chest and becoming startling aware that she was uncovered in front of him. As she drew her shoulders up, he lowered himself down next to her so that they were nose to nose. She could feel his hand running along her waist, causing her skin to tense up in unwitting pleasure. She bit her lip in an attempt to keep herself under control as she looked at him.

“Were you watching me the whole night?” she said.

Simon glanced down as if contemplating something. When he looked back up, the confidence in his eyes had grown even stronger. He gave a small shake of his head. “Not the whole night.”

Something in his voice made it difficult for Kate to keep herself together. She looked away from him for a moment to regain her strength and shifted slightly against him. She wished that for just a minute her heart would slow down long enough for her to make her mind work properly. He had such a ridiculous power over her, and she wondered if he was even aware of it. He’d changed her so much in such a short amount of time. That cynical part of her was almost a distant memory, her last and only defense. It would be a miracle if there was anything left of her that was still the same.

She looked back up at him, and drew up the last shreds of any confidence she’d ever had. She gave a sideways smile. “So did you scan me?”

The energy in Simon’s eyes changed, bringing back a hint of perplexity and his face becoming tense. Kate felt a small victory as she watched him struggle for a moment to answer. He gazed at her with his frozen expression, and then Kate lost all of her power in an instant.

His face brightened into a smile, and he let out a breath of laughter. Kate watched him in awe, her heart in a flutter. He had never laughed before. He’d never even smiled like this. It was a startling and remarkable transformation, reminding her that she could never know what to expect from him. He would never stop surprising her, no matter how much she thought she knew him. That floating feeling grew stronger as she looked at him, and she couldn’t stop her own smile.

He moved into her, and Kate felt the familiar electric cascade wash over her as he closed his mouth against hers. She breathed in harshly, all of her rationale sweeping away in place of elation as he moved on top of her, gently rolling her onto her back. The events of the previous night came rushing back to her, threatening to take every ounce of control she had left. Everything about him was perfect, from the soft touch of his skin to the clean taste of his mouth. She felt so flawed in comparison as though she wasn’t worthy of it. A nervous hesitation interfered, and she made a noise as Simon moved to take her mouth again.

She pressed her hand over her lips, giving herself a moment to let the overwhelming sensation of him fade. She smiled and looked up at him, already knowing how absurd this would sound even though it bothered her. He was looking at her with a strong determination and a slight smile as though he was daring her to reject him. With a deep breath and still holding her hand over her mouth, she gathered her resolve. “I need to go brush my teeth,” she said.

She could feel her smile grow wider as he seemed to look at her with suspicion. This power play of emotions was starting to get fun, and she honestly didn’t care who would win. It was almost as if she were fighting back against the helpless surrender he’d created in her, giving herself more room for an even greater fall when she succumbed to it again.

With some degree of difficulty, she began to move away and felt a burning disappointment when Simon let her. He rolled onto his shoulder as Kate twisted and lifted herself up. Almost instantly she realized how exposed she was and wrapped her arms around herself. She struggled to catch her breath, a flood of nervousness sweeping through her. As it did, she could see Simon watching her with a longing intrigue. He’d settled back on his elbow again, a gentle fascination lighting his eyes as he looked her over. Kate closed her eyes in a pitiful attempt to ward off the guilt. Then she drew the bedsheet up around her, wrapping it over her shoulders. She stood up and threw another glance at him, unable to stop the smile from pulling at her mouth. She was one up on him still.

Her mind grew clearer as she moved from the room, adjusting the sheet around herself. A mild frustration filled her despite the clarity it delivered. She had to think rationally about all this. As much as she wanted to remain at Simon’s mercy, to get swept away in his innocent yet also purposeful grasp over her, she couldn’t forget the reality of the situation. The resilient side of her kicked in, arguing against it. She absolutely could if she wanted to. There was nothing stopping her from falling back into him and losing herself in the electrifying bliss.

She turned the light on in the bathroom and closed the door behind her, resting her back against it as she gathered herself. It was the easy thing to do, to let herself be swept away simply by being with him. After all the times she’d avoided him and convinced herself that his behavior was a result of his strange programming, this was all extremely overdue. She deserved to be overwhelmed by him and forget every negative thought that had prevented her from experiencing this.

She moved towards the sink and caught sight of herself in the mirror. She let out a soft sigh, leaning against the counter and gazing at her weary appearance. Her hair had become even more tangled if that was even possible, and there was a kind of energy in her eyes that she didn’t quite recognize. As she stared into the mirror, she could make out the racks and shelves behind her containing assorted soaps, towels, brushes, and lotions. All the things that she needed to keep her imperfect body managed. She ran a hand through her hair, feeling it catch on all the knots. He wanted this. He wanted her. Even in the mess of her biological reality.

Unnerving thoughts continued to plague her as she turned on the faucet, busying herself. She had to worry about things like this. Her hair getting messy, her body being dirty, having to brush her teeth, wearing clean clothes, eating and drinking… and there was a whole other aspect she was ignoring completely. She had to live. There was no way to avoid simply existing, especially when others were still aware of her. It would be easier if she could suddenly disappear as if no one had ever seen or heard of her. Then she could continue to fool herself into believing she could stay here forever.

By the time she was done brushing her hair, she’d extracted an impressive clump of it on the hairbrush. She gazed at herself in the mirror again, slightly more revitalized than she was when she entered. As she opened the bathroom door she paused again, feeling a rush of nervousness. She couldn’t let herself fall back into him. They needed to figure this out. As tempting as it was to lose herself in the exhilaration, it was only temporary. The world still existed around them. She was going to need answers if she wanted to remain like this.

She drew the sheet up around her as she prepared to move, but stopped suddenly when she heard footsteps. Before she could gather her strength, Simon appeared in the doorway. Kate gazed at him, unable to stem the electric thrill that she was still getting used to. He was wearing his uniform again, returning to the familiar organized black, white and blue appearance. He seemed to hesitate for a moment as he looked at her, his bewildered expression set on his face. Then he held something out to her, and it took Kate a second to realize he’d gathered her a fresh set of clothes.

Kate gripped the sheet tightly as she watched him, her previous worries seeming to vanish into air. She moved towards him and took the set of folded clothes, her heart pounding in her chest. She wished his expression would change even for a moment so she could escape this elated feeling. As she set the clothes on the counter, she fumbled with the bedsheet and looked at Simon. He hadn’t moved and was still watching her with soft intrigue. A jolt of apprehension shot through her as she glanced at the door and then back at her clothes, her mind scrambling to decide what to do next. Eventually she closed her eyes in a tense but somewhat satisfying defeat. With a deep breath, she opened the sheet and let it drop to the floor.

Despite the intense nervousness, she felt a small sense of gratification. She threw Simon a defying glance as she began to dress, noting that a hint of confidence had returned to his gaze. With every piece of clothing she put on, she took another step towards dignity and did her best to pretend that she didn’t care he was studying every inch of her body. It was a minor and refreshing rise from the descent she’d cast herself down, allowing her to finally organize her thoughts in front of him.

She straightened her shirt and turned towards him, ready to set her cynical defenses up. Before she could say anything, he suddenly rushed into her and pulled her in by the waist. The debilitating cascade of sparks ignited her body as he met her mouth, and Kate drew in a shocking breath against his skin. She slid her hands along his neck as she immediately felt herself surrender, taking in the closing of his mouth. He was getting too good at this. It was almost like he was reading her mind, knowing exactly where her weaknesses were. A desperate ache burned in her chest as he moved her backwards until her back hit the wall. She let out a small gasp as he moved into her, holding the point of her neck in one hand as he closed his mouth over hers. She could feel herself falling down into the euphoria again, her mind becoming wrapped in the blind thrill of being completely under his power. It was happening fast. She had to do something.

She turned her head slightly, struggling to catch her breath. “Simon…”

He met her mouth again, holding her neck gently and running his thumb along her cheek. Then he pulled back for a moment, resting his forehead against hers. “Kate.”

As he moved into her, Kate drew her head down so that his lips met her forehead. She took the opportunity to calm her frenzied nerves, satisfying them with the touch of his mouth. Her mind cleared a bit more, and she was able to raise herself and look at him. The way he was gazing at her nearly froze the breath in her chest. The bewildered energy had given way to determined focus, lighting his blue eyes in the power she was desperately fighting against. His mouth was slightly open as he breathed, the corners of his lips tense as though he were tempting her to give in. Kate had to hold herself strong as she felt the surrender try to take her again. It was incredible how easy it was for her to lose all control. He made it seem effortless, as if he had known all along how much she ached for the feel of him, the taste of his mouth, the smell of his skin… 

She breathed out, forcing her composure. As agonizing as it was, her mind reorganized itself and helped her to think more clearly. Simon was watching her now with curious expectation, running his thumb gently along her jawline as if encouraging her to hurry up. It took her a while to remember what was bothering her, the debilitating closeness of him fogging her memory. It was all too much for her to grasp. Everything that had happened was piling up, making it almost impossible to step back far enough to see the danger they were in. But it was there. She could feel it. And the further she pulled herself away, the more obvious it became.

She looked at him and found herself struggling to speak. She had no idea how to put it into words, let alone be able to discuss it. With formidable difficulty, she found her voice. “What the hell are we doing?”

For a while Simon simply stared at her, his hand pausing against her cheek. Kate read his expression frantically and wondered if he’d understood her. It became clear as his eyes narrowed slightly, the determination returning to his gaze. She felt his grip tighten on her. “We’re staying together,” he said. “No matter what happens.”

Kate shook her head, the worry beginning to bite at her chest. “Do you have any idea what’s going to happen?” she said. The more she spoke, the more obvious the situation became. She closed her eyes, feeling the weight of it bearing down on her. “Simon this is… this is _crazy_ …”

She felt him lift her chin, and when she opened her eyes he was looking at her with a powerful confidence. He moved closer into her. 

“This is real,” he said. “This─” He ran his hand down her neck and to her chest, and Kate let out a helpless breath as he pressed his mouth to her temple, the numbing elation washing over her. She felt him run his hands on either side of her jawline as he moved back in front of her, catching her gaze. “I can’t explain it. I can’t even describe to you what it’s doing to me. But I know every bit of circuitry, every line of code is telling me it’s real.” He shook his head slightly, the corners of his eyes tensing up as he gave a small smile. “And it feels… good.”

Kate’s breath trembled as she fought to keep herself under control. “Simon, you’re a─” She caught herself, closing her eyes again and swallowing to find her voice. She looked up at him again, her resolve growing stronger. “This is going to… cause problems.”

He was running his thumbs along her cheeks again, and Kate saw through her emotional turmoil that his face had become tense and serious. He drew in a deep breath. “I don’t care.”

There was nothing she could do this time as he moved into her, closing his mouth over hers and pushing her further back against the wall. Kate clutched the front of his uniform as all of the senses in her body burned in response to the way he was taking her. The reasoning and logic that she had been holding onto crumbled apart, and she let the cascade of sweet helplessness fall over her as she opened her mouth and accepted him. There was no denying this. His power over her was too strong. There was no room for doubt and worry as long as she could fall so deeply into him that her world only existed where he wanted it to.

She brought her hands up, letting her fingers slide through his hair as she wrapped her arms around him. A shocking breath of air escaped her as he pulled her in tighter by the waist, catching her mouth again. He was focused. Determined like he had been the previous night. Kate could feel it in the way he was running his hands down her body, how he breathed in with each closing of his mouth, and the way he moved against her. It was as if he was afraid she would suddenly disappear. That she wouldn’t fall fast enough for him. The ache in her chest was nearly blinding her as she let him draw her in, wishing away his fears so that she could fall faster than she did before…

Something caught Kate’s attention. Simon reacted before she did, freezing on the spot and his breathing going quiet. As she let the sensations of the real world catch up with her a sudden dread filled her body, melting away the elation she’d been experiencing. She tensed up against him, listening carefully. There’d been a soft knock at the front door.

For a while, neither of them moved. Kate’s mind was racing, frantically jumping between surprise, worry, and confusion. It couldn’t be her mother. Not now. Not again…

She looked up at Simon who was staring slightly away from her, an intense focus written on his face. Her heart was already pounding before she could say anything. With another jolt of apprehension, she noticed that his LED had begun to alternate between red and blue as if he were scrambling to think of something. Unwittingly, she found herself doing the same thing as panicked thoughts began to chase eachother in her head. They didn’t need to answer the door. If they stayed quiet, perhaps her mother would leave. She didn’t have the energy to have another argument with her mom. But at the same time, Kate wondered why her mom didn’t just let herself into the house.

Her apprehension grew stronger as she watched Simon. He hadn’t made a sound or moved, but she could see on his face that he was still thinking.

Another knock.

“Stay here,” said Simon. Without looking at her, he moved away and turned out the door, disappearing down the hallway.

Kate’s heart was beating rapidly. All of her effort was focused on listening. She tensed her hands and breathed in deeply to calm her nerves. All the safety she’d been feeling at that point with him was threatened in a way that she hadn’t fully comprehended. It left her feeling exposed, nervous, and jittery. As if she needed to do something. Anything. Without thinking, she pushed off the wall and moved to the door, peering around the frame.

Simon opened the front door. Kate held onto the wall as she watched, but it wasn’t her mother’s voice she heard.

“Good morning,” said a man’s voice. “Is your owner here?”

A strange curiosity mixed with her panic as she watched Simon tilt his head. “What do you want?” he said. He had spoken politely but Kate could read the tension in his voice.

“My business has to be conducted first with your owner,” said the man. “I’m sure you understand.”

Kate stepped out into the hallway, her nerves firing. The door wasn’t open wide enough to see who it was, and Simon still had one hand on the doorknob as if preparing to swing it closed. She saw Simon nod.

“You can speak to me first,” he said.

“I’m afraid I can’t. And I have been authorized to use force if needed.”

Kate’s heart raced. She moved down the hallway, ignoring the fact that she was making noise. It couldn’t be. Her mom wouldn’t stoop that low. Not the _police…_

“Simon,” she said before she could stop herself.

Simon looked up at her and Kate felt a pang of nervousness hit her. His expression was lined with what she could only guess was wary caution. His blue eyes were tense and bright, almost as if he was signaling to her to hide. She slowed as she reached the door, watching him carefully. She didn’t care what he was willing to do to protect her. There had to be a way to keep their world safe for at least one more day. As long as her mom wasn’t there, they didn’t need to deal with this. All she needed to do was explain.

She peered around the door and found herself staring in shocked confusion. It wasn’t the police. On the doorstep was an android in a neat black suit folded in what she recognized was the classic CyberLife style.

Kate shook her head a moment to understand what she was seeing. The android gazed at her with a blank expression, his LED glowing bright blue.

“Are you Katherine Hayes?” said the android.

For a while, she wasn’t sure whether she should answer. She glanced back at Simon who was looking at the android again, his blue eyes tensed. There was no point in avoiding it. She gazed at the android, forcing her throat to work. “Yes?”

The android held out a hand to her, completely ignoring Simon. “My name is Arthur. I’m an AK700 android sent by CyberLife to respond to a possible domestic disturbance and malfunction regarding the PL600 model in your possession.”

Kate stared at him. She shook her head as she struggled to absorb what he’d just said. “What?”

The android made a noise and motioned past her. “Can I come in?”

Kate threw another nervous glance at Simon. There was something about the way he was looking at the android that put her particularly on edge. It wasn’t suspicion or disapproval. It was almost as if he’d been backed into a corner. His eyes were bright and focused and his jaw tense. She had never seen him this nervous, and it made her heart race with dread.

The android was still watching her, and she struggled to come up with an answer. “What is this about?” she asked.

The android cast a look at Simon, and Kate noticed with trepidation that his LED spun yellow for a moment. “I understand this may sound confusing. I assure you I’m only here to help on CyberLife instructions. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated.”

Kate studied him, weighing her options. “And if I don’t?”

The android blinked at her, and Kate could almost see a faint hint of coldness in his eyes. “I strongly suggest that you do.”

A sick feeling was beginning to grow in her stomach. She looked at Simon, desperately searching for guidance. His face was still set in that nervous tension, his eyes locked on the android. Then he glanced down for a moment before looking up at her, and Kate felt her heart plummet. His blue eyes had softened and his brows furrowed, casting his expression in a defeated shadow. For a moment, she couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t going to fight this. It was up to her now. And from the look he was giving her, she didn’t have a choice.

Frighteningly aware that the android was still watching, she narrowed her eyes at Simon in a small attempt to silently question him. His expression remained the same. The longer she looked at him, the more she realized there was something about the situation that Simon knew but that she didn’t. They were in an incredible amount of danger. And the only option was to walk straight into it.

She drew in a breath, trying and failing to settle her nerves, and she nodded. “Okay.”

The android moved forward and Kate stepped to the side as he entered the room. She wrapped her arms around herself as she instinctively moved towards Simon who closed the door. For a moment, the android simply stood and looked around as if assessing the place. Then he looked at Kate, his LED flashing yellow again.

“With your permission, I’d like to place your android into stasis while I explain the situation,” he said.

Kate looked anxiously at Simon, the thought of the android doing anything to him nearly sending her into a panic. “What─ why?”

“It’s merely a precaution. It won’t damage it.”

Her breath froze in her throat, paralyzing her voice as she gazed desperately at Simon. The fierce tension had returned to his eyes as he stared at the android, lighting them in nervous energy. Kate looked between them, a frantic need to defy the situation burning through her. But at the same time, she was terrified of what it would mean if she did.

The android’s LED spun yellow again as he looked at Simon. After a few seconds, the android seemed to tense as if confused. He straightened and narrowed his gaze. “Model PL600 serial number 501 743 923. Your connection with CyberLife has been lost. Initiate standard suspension procedures.”

Simon didn’t move. The energy in his eyes had grown stronger and his posture more rigid. Kate watched in frantic helplessness. She couldn’t be sure of what was taking place in front of her, but a deep dread made her believe it was far more serious than it looked. She was trapped between needing to stop the situation and not even knowing what the situation was. It was powerless and terrifying.

The android suddenly reached out. Simon took a quick step backwards, dropping his shoulder back so that the android narrowly missed grabbing his arm. He stood slightly sideways, his intense gaze locked on the android as if preparing to charge him. The android straightened, his expression completely blank. Then he turned towards Kate who was watching in stunned confusion.

“It’s CyberLife’s recommendation that your android be reformatted. The suspected errors appear to be much more serious than we anticipated.”

“What? No!” Kate moved towards Simon again, a jittery panic flowing through her. “No, I don’t need CyberLife to do anything. Everything is fine.”

“With respect, Ms. Hayes, this is a matter of safety. CyberLife takes matters of software malfunctions very seriously. You will receive a full backup of dialogue, cognitive, and social history. It will be as if nothing happened.”

Kate shook her head, her heart pounding. “There’s nothing wrong with him.”

The android pressed his hands together and took a step towards her. “I understand you may have a strong attachment to your android. This may seem a bit intrusive. I sincerely apologize for the confusion and inconvenience this may have caused. I would, however, warn you of the seriousness that this malfunction has put you in. We can’t determine the level of deviancy in your android’s software or the potentially hazardous behavior it can exhibit. A full system restoration will guarantee your android’s continued functionality and reliability. It would only take a few moments.”

Kate tensed as she felt the terror in her blend with determination. She gritted her teeth. “There’s… _nothing_ … wrong with him.”

The android cast a look at Simon, then took another step towards Kate. “Perhaps if I give you some more information on the matter then you will understand. We noted a discrepancy on February 12 when your android appeared to go offline. That’s not entirely unusual since it happens occasionally and the connection is re-established within a few hours. In your android’s case, it has been two days with every attempt to restore the link ending in runtime errors. Something has critically impaired your android’s ability to recognize CyberLife protocol or its ability to establish the link. As you may be aware, this includes software that governs maintenance, security, and in your special case, caregiving.”

The more the android spoke, the more Kate felt sick to her stomach. She stared at the android as she wrapped her arms tighter around herself.

“We received a call yesterday at 3:07 PM from Susan Hall inquiring about the state of your android, which alerted us to the issue. Subsequent attempts to contact you were unsuccessful, which is why CyberLife sent me to your location today. Given the nature of your medical history and the prolonged state in which your android has been disconnected, CyberLife granted me the use of force if the situation is deemed unsafe. I am inclined to deem it so, considering the uncharacteristic behavior of your particular PL600 model. I would urge you to allow me to neutralize this issue, and give me your consent.”

Kate shook as she absorbed what the android was saying. Above the immediate defiance she felt towards him, a strange understanding was beginning to fill her. Disconnecting from CyberLife… It had been two days. Two days that Simon had been acting like a different person. Two days since Jamie had stormed out, and Matt had dropped everything on her. Simon himself had mentioned losing a connection with CyberLife. It was unnervingly familiar. But if what the android was saying was true…

She looked at Simon, her heart pounding. He returned her gaze, his narrow blue eyes still lit in nervous energy. There was still so much she didn’t know about him. So much he hadn’t told her about what was happening to him. It was all so vague and confusing. She wanted to believe it was all real─ that somehow her android had miraculously found humanity in the wake of her anger and fear towards him. That the blind passion she had been feeling was something he was able to feel as well. Even though she knew it had to be impossible, she’d let herself believe in it and even be consumed by it. That doubt was creeping to the surface now, threatening to destroy the memory of the euphoria she’d experienced with him. He was something different. Something she didn’t understand. There was nothing to prove to her that he wasn’t in fact just a result of faulty programming that happened to manifest in the most remarkable way.

She studied him in a frantic focus, looking for some sign that would solidify her doubt. His expression didn’t change. He stood still and tense as if bracing himself against whatever was to come. A heavy weight hung over her as she tried to organize her thoughts into some sense of logic. There was no question that she was in danger with him. He was unpredictable and out of control, both from her and whatever network he’d been severed from. The android was right. The safest thing would be to reset him, fix whatever software error had caused his unique transformation, and go back to a normal life. One where she could possibly repair the damage she’d caused with her mother, Matt, and Jamie. To go back to college and slave over her worthless degree and disappear into the monotony of society. And accept that what she’d done with Simon was out of weakness and vanity that never needed to be spoken of again.

A fiery resolve had already filled her before Kate even realized it. She shook her head, her eyes locked on Simon’s. “Whatever consent you need… you don’t have it.”

The android seemed to hang his shoulders. “Then with all due respect and with great humility, I’m going to have to proceed without it.”

A nervous wave shot through her as she looked at the android. Before she could make a sound, he moved forward suddenly, reaching past her.

Simon took another quick step back and twisted, narrowly avoiding the android who moved forward again. As he dodged another grab, there was a loud thud as Simon’s back hit the wall. The android shoved Simon’s arm out of the way as he made an attempt to block him, and then the android grabbed Simon’s wrist.

Kate let out a terrified cry as Simon froze. The skin on the android’s hand had drained away, revealing the white plastic underneath. As it did, Simon’s own skin began to melt away beginning at his wrist and flowing up along his arm. His whole body tensed up, his eyes lit in a kind of paralyzed shock. It sent Kate into an electric panic and she rushed forward, hardly knowing what she was doing.

“Simon! No!”

He was shaking slightly as if struggling against what the android was doing to him. Kate gripped the android’s arm, noticing with agonizing terror that the plastic texture was beginning to creep up along Simon’s neck. She yanked at the android’s arm, barely moving it.

“Let him go! Stop!”

It seemed as if both of them weren’t aware of her. The android had a solid grip on Simon’s wrist, his gaze locked on Simon’s and his LED spinning red. The longer he held on to him, the less Simon seemed to respond. His shaking was growing weaker and his eyes seemed to grow glassy and unfocused. Kate pulled at the android’s arm in vain, her nerves racked with blind panic. She had to stop this. The android was going to kill him. She couldn’t lose him. Not like this.

She let go of the android and stumbled backwards, nearly falling over the coffee table. As she scrambled, her hand hit the nearest thing to her. Without thinking, she grabbed onto it and rushed forward, letting out a harsh shriek as she swung it.

Only after shattering it across the android’s head did she realize it was a table lamp. It knocked the android sideways and he stumbled to the floor oddly stiff as though he were a large doll. His eyes stared off and he made internal mechanical sounds, his LED flashing on and off.

Kate dropped what was left of the lamp and rushed forward, taking Simon’s face in her hands as she frantically turned him towards her. The skin was slowly flowing down his neck and back to his arm, but he was still gazing off as if in a daze. Kate ran her thumbs over his cheeks, willing his attention back.

“Simon… Simon!” She felt her throat catch as she looked at him. He had to be in there still. He had to wake up. She didn’t know what the android had done, but it must have interfered with his software. It had only been a few seconds. A terrifying thought flowed through her. He couldn’t possibly have been reset…

Her body was trembling as she held him, and she felt tears well up in her eyes. “Simon, come back to me. Come back to me. Please…”

Simon closed his eyes and tensed as though struggling to think. Kate watched him in painful anticipation, her heart seeming to freeze in her chest. Then he opened them, and Kate felt a wave of nervous relief wash over her as he looked at her. His eyes were bright and full of worry. He recognized her. He was still there.

Kate let out an exasperated laugh as she gazed at him, the residual panic still flowing through her. She had no idea how close she’d been to losing him, but it had been far too close. She didn’t need to know any technological specifics to understand how much he meant to her. Nothing could take him from her. She was his, no matter what laws in the universe she had to break.

Simon pressed his hand over hers as he seemed to reorganize his thoughts. Then he looked down at the fallen android who was still twitching and making electric clunks. His eyes narrowed, and his LED spun yellow. Kate watched him in breathless intent, still reeling from the relief.

He took her hand in his and without a word, he moved past her and pulled her with him. Kate followed, throwing a nervous look down at the android who was beginning to move. It took her a moment to acknowledge what she had actually done. It filled her with dread. She attacked an android. Violently. And now he was trying to get back up.

She quickened her pace as Simon threw open the front door, moving down the steps with her hand still clutched in his. He looked back at her and she could see that his face was lined with intense focus. A blind motivation spurred her on. It didn’t matter what they were doing or where he was taking her. She needed to follow him. They were in this together. If it was the only thing left that she could do, she would stay with him until they were ripped apart.

As they reached the sidewalk, Simon made a sharp turn and Kate followed him as he walked along the street. He was staring off at the passing cars, his LED flashing yellow as if he were looking for something. Kate moved next to him, barely able to keep up with his fast stride. Then a jolt of panic swept through her as she heard a loud bang behind her, and she threw a glance back.

The android had staggered to the door, gripping the wall and stumbling forward as if struggling to control his limbs. His face was completely expressionless as he stared at them, and he stepped towards the sidewalk with some difficulty.

Simon immediately broke into a run, and Kate felt a blast of panicked energy as she bolted after him. She cast another glance back and saw that the android was moving steadily after them, his posture growing more stable. The panic gave her unnatural stamina. She couldn’t believe this was happening. There was nowhere for them to go. Simon was guided by some unseen force, but Kate had no chance of outrunning an android. This was desperately hopeless, and yet she couldn’t bear the thought of not trying to fight.

Without warning, Simon turned into the street. Kate let out a frantic cry as he pulled her towards the moving cars. At the edge of her vision, she saw the android turn quickly after them. He’d caught up with them in no time at all, sprinting in a calculated manner. Kate felt herself burn with anxiety. There was no way they were going to lose him.

She felt an almost instinctual terror as a car whipped by them, the sound of the horn changing pitch as it disappeared. It was almost impossible to fight the urge to freeze, countered only by the knowledge that the android was right behind them. She watched the cars as they continued further across the street, unable to gage their movement. But she knew Simon could measure their speed. They had to make it across.

Something gripped Kate’s arm, and she let out a scream. There was a loud screeching, and suddenly Simon pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her as they began to twist and fall. She had only a split second to see the car flying at them before Simon rolled into it.

There was an explosion of glass, and Kate found herself screaming as she rolled over the hood with him. She wasn’t aware of any pain, and hardly noticed the impact as Simon seemed to form a protective shield around her. They twisted off the car as it zoomed away, and Kate was suddenly on her feet again. As she fought to comprehend what had just happened, she saw the android had stumbled again, recovering from the hit.

She was pulled sideways, and blindly began to run again. With frantic shock, she realized that a taxi had stopped in front of them, its doors already opened. Simon pushed her inside, and she threw herself against the far door. Simon was next to her in a split second, and Kate had a brief glimpse of his focused face before he slammed his hand on the front panel, his skin melting away from his fingertips. The panel erupted into geometric symbols, and the taxi shot forward.

There was a clamoring outside the taxi as the android tried to grab onto it. Kate’s heart raced as the android stumbled, and he was left standing in the middle of the street. He faded away as the taxi picked up speed. She caught the edge of the seat as the taxi made a sharp turn, speeding down a side street. Then it turned again, and again until they were moving through a network of shops and restaurants. Gradually it slowed and mixed with the surrounding traffic, creating a false sense of calm.

Kate breathed heavily as she drew her legs up. She was shaking uncontrollably, her body still electrified in panic. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. It took far too long for her mind to comprehend the situation. They had just outrun an android. They’d been hit by a car. And now they were driving blindly through Detroit. There hadn’t even been time for her to think about her choices. She was surviving on pure instinct. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what repercussions her actions would produce among her family, CyberLife, and even the law…

She leaned forward, her mind spinning as her limbs began to tingle. She had done a terrible thing. There was no way of knowing what would happen next. Everything was completely out of control, cascading into a vortex of chaos that was her life. It all needed to slow down for a moment, or at least long enough for her to be able to understand everything that had happened. If she could gather her thoughts into some semblance of reason then she would be okay. The chaos would stop, the void would close up, and the frantic jolting that was preventing her from thinking would ease.

Something was pulling her back. She wasn’t sure if it was her that was moving or the world around her. The swirling blend of thoughts and images clouded her mind, preventing her from making any coherent observations. It was slowly taking over, giving way to the darkness that was looming overhead. She braced herself as it threatened to swallow her.

A powerful jolt of electricity snapped her senses back. The cascade of confusion slowed for a moment before gradually regaining momentum. Before it could reach full power, another electric pulse stopped it cold, and Kate could feel her thoughts reorganize themselves enough for the sensation to flow back to her.

There was a third jolt, and she was suddenly able to hear the sound of the moving car. With some difficulty, she opened her eyes, the world painfully swimming into focus.

Simon was above her, his eyes closed and face tensed as his LED spun yellow. It took her a while to realize she was laying on the backseat, her body curled into a tight ball. Trees and buildings flashed by, and Simon rocked slightly with the movement of the car. Pressure against her temples told her that he had his hands on either side of her head. The familiar buzzing sensation was present, as well as the vague feeling that she wasn’t entirely alone inside her mind.

Weakly, she reached up and touched his face. He opened his eyes and his expression deepened into worry, his eyes lighting in a frantic energy as he gazed at her. There was a melancholy relief lined in his face that nearly froze her heart in her chest, as though he was sorry for what he’d done. What that was, she didn’t know. And she realized she didn’t care.

It wasn’t worth it to panic about what could happen. There would be time for answers later. Everything would fall into place one way or another. It always did.

She raised herself and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him tightly into her as she her breath began to shake. She could feel him breathe against her temple as he held her, his hands pressed tightly against her back as though he was afraid she would fall from him. Kate ran her fingers along his neck and through his hair, closing her eyes and pressing herself into him as a sharp ache rose in her throat. The tears were forming before she knew what was happening, and she breathed in deeply to fight against sobbing.

There wasn’t life without this. Without feeling him against her, the sound of his voice, the way he produced a sense of limitless power in her. Everything she’d been avoiding yet desperately craving she’d found in him, drawing her up from the depths of her own internal prison. He was saving her in ways she didn’t couldn’t even fathom. For that, she owed him her life.

But it was all so dangerously fragile. They were barely surviving. Every moment was a precious gift that she was taking for granted. She couldn’t imagine losing this elated existence that he had created for her. The thought terrified her, making each second that she was with him seem unreal. All she could do was cling on to every sensation, every gentle breath he took, the way he ran his hands softly down her back as if to pull her deeper into him, the soft feel of his skin as she pressed her face into his neck, and the fine texture of his hair between her fingers. She couldn’t lose this. She couldn’t lose him.

She held him that way for a long time, the rumble of the car filling the air as they traveled on into unknown territory. Even though it was pointless, she had to hope that whatever they found along the way would grant them some peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy hell, what a chapter. This took me almost two weeks to write, and I considered splitting it into two. My writing has been slowing down a bit lately so I'm going to try and buffer things out so I can keep updating regularly.
> 
> First off, I had no idea how indescribably seductive Simon can be without even trying. He's the perfect virgin. Never done any of this before but he still knows exactly how to do it. No wonder Kate isn't thinking any of this through. She's going to have one hell of a problem on her hands when she finally does.
> 
> I didn't want to ignore the issue of Kate's biology even though it's difficult to write that kind of thing, especially in romance novels. Humans are flawed. They have morning breath, they gotta pee, eat, sleep, etc. Even after completely giving in to him, Kate's self-consciousness is still able to punch through. Hell, she doesn't want him to see her naked. Meanwhile, Simon is just this picture perfect ideal storybook character whose only flaw is that his hair got a little messed up from Kate running her fingers through it. I happen to have a weak spot for running fingers through hair. I freakin' love it. Can't get enough of it. (The boyfriend likes it too).
> 
> Reality hit hard with that android though. It was tricky trying to find the rationale behind forcibly sending an android to deal with a malfunction even if the owner doesn't want it. In this case, it seems to make sense. This is 2036 when deviants are still a relatively new thing. When we're talking about a superior machine that is capable of doing pretty much anything and now has no moral limitations or boundaries, I think the android actually downplayed the seriousness. Simon could be a T-800 for all we know. Interesting how the android sent to "fix" the malfunction was more like a terminator than any deviant we've ever seen so far.
> 
> By the way, I'm trying to update every chapter with relative chapter art. Be sure to check back if you want to see some of it. I don't know if Archive has a gallery option, but you can always check out my DeviantArt page which is where I upload all my art.
> 
> https://www.deviantart.com/laffeetaffee


	20. Sanctuary

Simon hadn’t given the taxi a destination. It followed a series of loops, moving through neighborhoods, along shopping centers and down freeways to create an inconsistent and hopefully untraceable direction. The CyberLife link had been automatically disconnected when he hacked the panel, and luckily this taxi was equipped with an LED license plate which he was able to scramble. It was only a temporary solution. The taxi system would eventually note a discrepancy in the number of vehicles and identify the problem car. Or else the car would run out of power first. It was too risky to stop long enough to charge it since all the charging stations monitored each individual vehicle. They were surviving on borrowed time.

Kate had been fairly silent for most of the journey which was now entering its third day. This would have worried him but for her occasional tug at him, pulling him into the back seat so that she could curl up against him, drawing her legs up and settling her face into the space at his neck. She would stay like that for hours until she fell asleep, or Simon had to move to the panel to change their direction and monitor the endurance of the taxi. The rest of the time, she would gaze out the window at the passing buildings, her face mysteriously blank as though she were lost in deep thought.

They’d had to stop a few times, and Simon had to strategically maneuver to avoid surveillance cameras which he knew from the distant memory of his link through CyberLife. Kate had been barefoot during their frantic run from the android. A combination of the icy ground, rough terrain and the trauma of running had left her bloody and bruised. It took him a while to convince her that they needed to address it. After a few hours, he finally found a quiet enough store to risk stocking up on medical supplies and a pair of shoes. He knew the transaction would be tracked, so after leaving he altered the taxi route to keep them far from that area.

The taxi was running low on power. There was also the issue of food and water. Kate hadn’t mentioned it, and Simon knew it would be up to him to make her eat. So on the morning of the third day, he stopped the taxi again in a remote area. The snow had melted enough to reveal the features of the city, creating an even greater contrast between the sleek skyscrapers and drab older buildings. Pools of water collected at the edges of the streets and in the parking lots. The older areas like this hadn’t been modernized, and therefore the chances of encountering another android or being caught in the security feed were much lower. Still, Simon preferred to take his chances with vending machines than to interact with anyone.

Kate was asleep on the back seat, resting as comfortably as she could manage with one arm hanging off the edge. Simon watched her for a moment, a subtle worry building in him. She had been sleeping only a few hours at a time. The taxi was frustratingly uncomfortable, not to mention unreliable. Kate couldn’t get by like this for much longer. They would need to find a place to stay, and soon.

He quietly opened the taxi door and closed it behind him, moving towards the store as he contemplated their options for the thousandth time. Staying in a motel was tempting, but he steered himself from it. The risk of being identified as well as having to pay was too dangerous. There was no one that he could trust in Kate’s short list of contacts to keep her safe, and he knew by now that everyone was aware of his and Kate’s disappearance. There was always the option of hiding in one of the many abandoned buildings in Detroit, but something inside him deeply resented the thought. He had to do better than that. If he couldn’t find a way to keep her safe then he would need to make a more rash decision. She was suffering with him, and they were running out of time.

The vending machines were on the side of the building, and he connected to one of them remotely. As he proceeded through the checkout, he found himself frozen in dread. Susan’s card had been deactivated.

He let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. He should have known this would happen. Their situation was only getting worse. Now their list of options became even shorter.

He pressed his hand against the panel of the vending machine, syncing with its software and bypassing the payment. The panel flashed in strange shapes, then the machinery whirred into gear, dispensing water bottles and energy bars. Burying his frustration, Simon scooped them up and moved back to the taxi quickly before the attendant noticed the malfunction.

Kate shifted onto her back and ran her hands over her face as Simon opened the taxi door and dropped everything onto the seat next to him. He closed the door as Kate sat up, her hair falling over her face as she seemed to recover from sleep. Simon watched her for a moment, a deep apprehension burning through him as the taxi began to move again. She looked exhausted.

She straightened slightly and ran a hand through her hair so that he was able to see her face. Her eyes were dark and weary as though she were fighting to keep her eyes open. She looked up at him, her posture gaining more strength, and then she noticed the items on the seat. She was silent, but Simon could tell from her face that she was stunned.

He picked up a water bottle and handed it to her. She took it and immediately wrenched the cap off, leaning back slightly as she drank. Within a few seconds she had finished most of it, resting her back against the seat and letting out a relieved sigh. Simon tried to ignore his anxiety as he handed her an energy bar. It took her a moment to notice it, and she gave him a warm smile as she took it, bringing back a flash of her cynicism as if reminding him that it was still there. Simon checked the panel as she brought her legs up and sat cross-legged on the seat, carefully unwrapping the bar. He felt another wave of dread wash over him. They had only a matter of hours before the car was out of power.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and clenching his eyes shut. He had to find an answer to this. There had to be something he was missing.

When he lowered his hand, he realized Kate had stopped eating and was watching him with her weary smile. She bit her lip and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

“You know…” Her voice was surprisingly soft despite not having spoken in several hours. “Humans do that when they’re pissed off.”

Her smile gained strength, and Simon couldn’t help but feel slightly comforted. He leaned back against the seat, struggling to think of what to say. He didn’t even know where to begin. Their situation was so hopeless that he couldn’t offer one bit of positive news. He ran a hand over his face as he forced himself to think one more time. There had to be an answer somewhere. The contacts, abandoned buildings, other vehicles, charging stations... and motels were now completely out of the question. And then there was the other option. The option that his mind was fighting against even acknowledging. It filled him with horrible shame. He was failing her in the worst way possible.

Something touched his arm, and he looked up to see that Kate had moved forward. Her eyes were tense as she gazed at him, clutching his uniform and pulling him towards her.

“Hey…” She slid her hand along his neck, running her thumb over his cheek. Unwittingly, Simon felt part of his apprehension leak away, replaced by a faint shadow of charged passion. He automatically moved forward into her as she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him onto the back seat with her. He let out another frustrated sigh and ran his hands up her waist, taking in the contact that was in so much danger. He was losing this. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

Kate moved onto his lap, running her hands along his neck and he felt her lips against his temple. “It’s okay,” she said quietly. “It’s okay…” She moved back in front of him so that he was able to see her face. He brushed her hair back behind her ear as he took in the sight of her. She was trying as hard as she could to look strong but he could still see the exhaustion in her hazel eyes. She was so exhausted, both physically and mentally and yet she was gazing at him with such hope and confidence as if he was the one barely surviving. He hardly felt worthy of her. 

He let out a breath, drawing up his resolve as he ran his hand down her cheek. He shook his head. “We can’t stay in this taxi.”

Kate’s expression tensed, and she nodded. “I figured that.”

“We have three hours and seven minutes until the power runs out,” he said. “We can’t risk a charging station or another taxi. We need a place to stay.”

Kate leaned sideways slightly, resting her elbow against the side of the car as she stared off. “There’s motels…”

Simon shook his head again. “We’d be detected immediately. Also, your mother’s card is deactivated. I have no other source of currency.”

Kate looked at him. “Deactivated? How did you get this?” She raised the bottle of water. Simon was unsure what to say, and Kate dropped her hand. She closed her eyes and smiled, and for a split second Simon was reminded of her old frustration towards him. “You stole it…”

“I’m not going to watch you starve to death,” said Simon. He held onto the side of her neck. “I just… need to search harder. There has to be somewhere with no surveillance, no androids, and free of charge.”

Kate shrugged her shoulders. “A dumpster?”

Simon tilted his head. “That’s not helpful.”

“Why not?” Kate moved to the side and sat next to him, drawing her legs up. “I’m already homeless.”

Simon looked at her. She was gazing at the floor, her eyes tense as if saying that to herself made her believe it. He closed his eyes and drew up his strength, feeling the shame build up in him as he prepared himself. “There is another way. Another option that will keep you─”

“No.”

He faltered, his system stammering. He looked at her and saw that her face had tensed, her hazel eyes narrowed and her mouth clenched. He shifted slightly on the seat. “Kate, if it’s between that and dying─”

“Then I’d rather die.” Kate stared at the floor, her hands clenched on her arms. “I’m not going back.”

“I can’t accept that option,” said Simon. “You’re all that matters.”

Kate looked up at him, her eyes lit in a fierce determination. “And you’re all that matters to me.”

Simon sighed, a helpless exasperation flowing through him. As much as it pained him to push the suggestion, he couldn’t bring himself to force it on her. He would do anything to keep her with him, if there was anything he could do. The thought of losing her sent his system into a dark region of programming that he had never been aware of. It told him exactly what he should do if they ever got to that point.

He felt Kate brush his cheek, regaining his attention. The determination had left her eyes, leaving them soft as she gazed at him. “You said we’d stay together no matter what happens. Don’t go back on that.”

He shook his head. “I have nothing to work with. I’ve checked every location, every contact, and I still can’t find a way out of this. I can’t find a way to make this work.”

Kate looked to the side, her eyes narrowed. “Contacts. You mean my contacts?”

“Yes. Your mother will no doubt have checked with them to find you. We can’t risk anyone nearby, and the only others not in Detroit are states away.”

Kate was unusually tense. A deep worry reflected in her eyes, causing her whole posture to become slightly rigid. Simon watched her curiously, leaning slightly in an attempt to catch her attention. Before he could speak again, Kate drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes.

“You went through all of my contacts? Every one?”

Simon stared at her, narrowing his eyes. “Yes.”

She was silent again, her eyes still closed. It was almost as if she was surrendering to something horrible. Simon felt a pang of fear grip his system. If she was accepting the fact that she needed to return home, then he would need to prepare for the worst. He didn’t know that he would be able to. The thought brought him back to that dark region again, putting his system on edge. It terrified him. If she did go back, he wouldn’t have a choice. His system would put it into action for him.

Kate let out a deep breath. “I know where we can go.”

Simon straightened, his heart quickening. For a moment, he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly. “Where?”

She opened her eyes, and looked towards the panel. “Can we still use GPS?”

“CyberLife connection was terminated, but the taxi can still plot a course,” said Simon.

“Okay,” said Kate. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, then pushed up from the seat, moving into one of the front seats as she navigated the panel. Simon watched her in powerful curiosity, reading the address that she was putting into the GPS. It directed the taxi to a house on the edge of the city in what he recognized as a very wealthy neighborhood. He stared at it, running it through his database. The house was owned by CyberLife.

“Kate, are you sure about this?” he said.

The intense dread was still on her face as she stared at the floor. “Yes.”

Somehow that didn’t convince him. He leaned sideways, reading her expression. “Who lives there?”

Kate closed her eyes and her shoulders rose as she drew in a breath. “No one will find us there. We can stay as long as we want. There are androids but they won’t bother us.”

Again, Simon was stunned by the information. A dozen questions raced through his mind, but as he looked at her, he wasn’t sure if asking them would make a difference. He had never seen her this uneasy, as though she were walking into a terrible trap. She was set in a rigid frame, her arms wrapped around one leg and her eyes shut in deep concentration. Simon cast another glance at the panel, quickly analyzing the route. They would be there in an hour, just barely dodging the power deadline.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Is there anything I should know before we get there?”

Kate shook her head, then opened her eyes quickly. “Just─” She looked at him, and Simon was aware of her studying his posture as if he’d caught her off guard. She relaxed slightly, her expression growing softer. “Just don’t pretend to be…”

Simon watched her as she seemed to struggle to find the right words. He tilted his head. “Your android?”

Kate gazed at him, her weary expression growing strong like it had when she’d expressed her doubts. She tensed her eyes, her mouth opening slightly as if she meant to say something but couldn’t. It spurred a kind of nervous energy in him. He didn’t like seeing her do that. As if she was questioning what he felt for her. It made him feel helpless and lost despite everything he’d done to prove to her how much she meant to him. Before he could say another word, she drew her other leg up and wrapped both arms around her knees, turning so that she gazed out the window away from him.

They were quiet for a long time, and Simon knew not to speak to her even though the questions continued to multiply in his mind. He worried about the safety of the location they were headed towards even though Kate seemed convinced that it wasn’t an issue. The address didn’t appear anywhere in her contact list, and seemed to have no relation to her at all. At the same time, he found himself fighting the nagging doubt that any of this had been worth it. He thought nothing could deny what he’d done with her the night before they’d left. It had been the epitome of what everything he’d yearned for, the most blissful satisfaction. And yet even now, he wondered if it had been enough.

Gradually the scenery changed from the old suburban neighborhoods of western Detroit to the layered levels of skyscrapers as they neared downtown. The shiny white and blue pillars of technology contrasted against the red brick architecture, threatening to swallow what remained of the original city. The highway they travelled on took them up and around on a kind of ramped speedway so that they were right in the middle of it. Simon looked up at Kate occasionally, wishing he could see her expression but she continued to stare out the window in silence. He hoped she was simply lost in the scenery and not dwelling on the doubts that he’d seen on her face.

As the city dwindled and then faded behind them, he noticed Kate seemed to be growing more tense. She clenched one hand against her leg and the other pressed to her lip. Again, he felt a restless urge to comfort her but held himself back. He didn’t need to ask her to know this was something he would only make worse by prying for information. All he could do was exist with her in this ominous transition from escape to what he hoped was sanctuary.

The trees grew thicker and taller, obscuring the landscape and hiding the city completely. Between the trees on their right, Simon caught glimpses of light reflecting off water letting him know they were travelling along the Detroit river. He watched the houses curiously as they changed from quaint to luxurious, some of them hidden behind a forest of pine. They passed what appeared to be an old statue, warped from years of restoration. Kate watched the statue in particular, and Simon saw a hint of her face as the statue flew by them. Her expression perplexed him. She looked both nervous and relieved at the same time.

The taxi began to slow and move to the side of the road, and Simon heard Kate draw in a deep breath. Then the taxi stopped, and the doors automatically opened.

Simon moved forward, preparing to help Kate out but she was still sitting tense with her legs drawn up. He couldn’t help the nervous energy that flowed through him. He reached forward and brushed her hair back, and felt a small amount of relief when she seemed to relax into him. She closed her eyes and released her legs, stretching slightly in the seat. With a bit more confidence, Simon pushed the seat so that she rotated towards him. He waited for her to look at him, trying his best not to let her worried expression weaken his resolve. After a few moments, she finally raised her eyes to him. Her mouth softened and her eyes gained strength. 

She moved to get up, and Simon kept one hand on her shoulders as she stepped carefully out onto the curb, straightening with visible difficulty after having been in the small environment of the taxi for days. Simon stood up next to her, and the taxi doors swung closed behind them. With a final light crunching, the taxi rolled away.

At first, Simon wasn’t sure they were even standing in front of a house. Tall pine trees swayed over a line of thick shrubs, broken by a wall of dark stone slabs. A rectangular archway indicated a driveway which curved out of sight. Simon couldn’t help but gaze around at this new scenery. It was a drastic change from the modern city that he was used to.

Kate moved forward, her arms still wrapped around herself in her usual defensive posture. Simon followed quietly next to her, still monitoring her expression. Her face had gone blank, though she was still slightly pale. As they turned onto the driveway, the house came into view at the end of a circular lot. It was two-story and made of the same stone slab as the wall, built in an L shape with a grand front door at the top of rounded steps. The house was enormous and modernized in many of CyberLife’s accessories that Simon recognized such as the garage door mechanisms, light fixtures, and mail receptacle. The house was practically built entirely from CyberLife technology.

He had to suppress his hesitation as he followed Kate to the front door. Despite his anxiety, he was curiously aware of how familiar Kate seemed to be with the place. She didn’t stare at the house like he had. In fact, she seemed to follow a set path around the crescent shaped driveway unusually close to the ferns, and Simon noticed with a strange fascination that the driveway seemed to be faulted, dipping slightly towards the center which made it easier to walk closer to the garden. They approached the rounded steps, and Kate finally lowered her arms, drawing in some unknown strength. Simon continued to observe his surroundings as they approached the front porch. A welcome panel shined brightly next to the huge double doors.

Simon looked at Kate who was still expressionless. He touched her shoulder. “Do you want me to speak to them?” he asked.

Kate shook her head. She moved in front of him, and tapped the panel lightly.

“CyberLife Technologies,” said a man’s voice, and Simon recognized it as an android's. “Do you have an appointment?”

Kate seemed to be frozen for a moment. Then she drew in a breath and closed her eyes. “Can… can you tell the owner that Kate’s here?”

There was silence. For a while, Simon wondered if the connection had been interrupted. Kate seemed not to react, her eyes still closed and her body rigid.

“Kate Hayes?”

Kate swallowed. “Yes.”

Again, silence. Simon watched the panel as though it would give him answers. The wind rustled the pine trees overhead, creating an even more unsettling tension as though he should be doing something. Before he could even think of what to do, the front doors suddenly swung open.

An older man stood in the doorway. His hazel eyes were wide under his swept gray hair, and even through a thick beard his shocked expression was clearly visible. He held onto the door with a clenched fist as though fighting to steady himself. Simon’s first reaction was to shield him from Kate, but something about the man stopped him cold in his tracks.

The man was silent as he stared at Kate. It looked as though he wanted to speak but was petrified to the spot. Finally, Kate drew up her shoulders and let out a deep breath.

“Hi dad,” she said.

Simon didn’t have time to comprehend the situation before the man let go of the door and pulled Kate into him, wrapping his huge frame over her shoulders as though he couldn’t hold enough of her. The man shook as he held her onto him, Kate’s face barely visible against his gray bread and brown leather jacket. Simon watched them in stunned disbelief.

“Kate…” the man breathed through light gasps. “Oh god Kate…”

The man pushed her back gently in front of him and gazed at her, his hands on her shoulders. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Kate shook her head. “I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

The man pulled her back in again, and Simon was startled by the man’s strong reaction. His face was contorted, his eyes clenched closed and his teeth bared slightly as he breathed heavily. Then the man moved back again, taking a moment to compose himself as he straightened.

“Okay,” said the man, taking a step back towards the house. “Okay, let’s get you inside. It’s going to be okay.”

Simon followed them through the front doors into the entryway, still keeping warily close to Kate as her father led her with one arm over her shoulder. As they moved into the marble room, the front door closed automatically behind them, sealing with an electronic buzz.

“Your mother called me two days ago,” said the man as he paused next to Kate, rubbing her shoulder. “The police have been all over looking for you. Are you sure you’re okay? What do you need me to do?”

“Dad, I’m okay.” Kate shrugged her shoulder wearily so that he loosened his grip on her slightly. “It’s just been a long couple of days.”

The man let out a sigh as he looked at her, seeming to gain a stronger posture. Simon continued to observe them curiously, a subtle nervousness building in him as though he shouldn’t be watching. Then the man glanced at Simon, and without knowing why, Simon felt an intense trepidation at the man’s stare as though Simon had no power at all. It took all of Simon’s resolve to gaze back at him, the familiarity in the man’s hazel eyes making it even more difficult.

He saw Kate look at him, and she made a light motion. “Dad, this is um… this is Simon.”

Somehow an introduction didn’t make it any easier. Simon forced his unease to the side as he held out his hand. The man continued to study him as he cautiously shook it.

“Simon,” said the man. “I’m Kate’s father, Richard.”

“Hello, Richard,” said Simon. He was glad when her father let go and returned his attention to Kate.

“Do you need something to eat?” said Richard. “I can make you something.”

Simon was slightly surprised when Kate nodded. “Yeah, I guess I should.”

Again, Richard wrapped an arm around her and led her down the house. Simon followed them into the wide gleaming kitchen with dark furnishings and a deep wooden table at one end of the room. Kate seemed to slide into a very specific chair, sitting sideways and drawing her legs up. She threw a nervous glance at Simon, giving him a small ounce of confidence at her acknowledgement. He stood to the side as Richard moved along the cabinets, and Simon felt another pang of nervousness as a domestic android stepped into the kitchen. Richard waved him away, and the android moved back out of the room.

“Let’s see if I still remember how to make this right,” said Richard. He gathered a cluster of ingredients on the counter. “One avocado, no mayonnaise, _two_ slices of pepperjack…”

“Dad, it’s fine,” said Kate as she ran her hands over her face. “Just anything is fine.”

Richard moved towards the table with a prepared plate. “I want to make sure you’ll eat it.”

“I’ll eat it,” said Kate. She took the sandwich from him and closed her eyes as she bit into it, the weariness on her face seeming to grow. Richard sat next to her, watching her carefully. Simon could see in his face that he was burning with questions, but the collected way in which he looked at her gave Simon the impression that this man held a deeper wisdom than he appeared. It made Simon’s own concern for Kate feel inadequate compared to her father’s.

Kate was apparently aware of her father’s gaze as well. She threw a glance up at him. “I guess you’ll want to know everything.”

Richard shifted slightly on the seat and took a slow breath. “You know I won’t ask you unless you want to tell me.”

Kate nodded as she continued to eat in silence. She seemed to be losing more energy as time went by, taking moments to simply rest her forehead in her hand with her eyes closed. Simon was paralyzed by the need to keep his distance although everything in him wanted to be next to her. To hold her and support her. For the first time, he felt that he wasn’t the right person to do that. He felt horribly and pathetically useless.

Richard tapped his hand on the surface of the table. “I’ll get you something to drink,” he said and stood up. Simon watched him as Richard moved into the kitchen again. There was an unusual comfort associated with him that Simon couldn’t identify. It reminded him of his own calm protective nature, though there was something less tolerant about it. Before Simon could examine it further, footsteps echoed through the room.

“Richard?” A woman with wavy blond hair entered the kitchen, her blue eyes scanning the room frantically. She rested a hand on Richard’s shoulder as she approached him. “Richard, Clark just told me. Is she…”

Richard paused what he was doing as he turned to her. “She’s here. She’s okay.” He spoke in a hushed voice. “Give her some space.”

“What are you going to do about it?” said the woman, moving closer to Richard so that Simon had difficulty hearing her. “Did you call the police yet?”

“I’m not calling the police, Gloria,” said Richard. “Just give me a minute and I’ll talk─”

“What do you mean you’re not calling the police?” Gloria glanced at Simon and her voice became barely a whisper. “It’s been three days. They’re looking for her. If they find out she’s here─”

“Gloria, let me handle this.” Richard put a hand on her arm and narrowed his eyes at her. “Don’t tell anyone. Don’t call anyone. I’ll handle this.”

Gloria made a noise and threw another glance towards Simon and Kate. She gave Richard a scrutinizing stare before she turned and left the room again, her footsteps fading through the large house.

Richard let out a deep sigh and for a while, he didn’t move. Simon wasn’t sure whether he should look at him or not. He gazed at the floor, making an effort to calm his worried thoughts. There was a tense urgency flowing through him and he found himself wondering if they’d made the right choice in coming here. He wanted to trust in Kate’s judgement. She said they would be safe. Richard seemed to be respecting that. But at the same time, Simon felt helpless against whatever was about to happen.

Richard moved toward the table again and sat down next to Kate who had finished and was resting her forehead in her hands. He set down a glass of orange juice in front of her and leaned back in his chair. “Try to drink all of it,” he said. “Sorry it’s pulp free. I know you don’t really like that.”

Kate straightened slightly and picked up the glass, holding it in front of her as if contemplating it. “Tastes like orange flavored water,” she said. She took a sip of it and tensed her face, tightening her lips and making a noise. “Yep.”

Richard didn’t say anything as Kate slowly managed to drink the juice. He seemed to be lost in his own chaos of thoughts, his eyebrows narrowed as he stared at the table. Simon continued to watch in silence as Kate ran her hands over her face, resting her elbows on the table. She let out a heavy breath.

Richard leaned forward on the table. “What else can I do for you, Kate?”

Kate shook her head, her face still in her hands. “I just um... “ She sniffed and clasped her fingers together under her chin, her eyes closed. “I just want to sleep.”

“Okay… okay…” Richard shifted back. “Your room’s just the way you left it.” He stood up and gently gripped her elbow. Kate leaned back, giving a small smile that Simon recognized as her usual defiance.

“I got it, dad.”

She stood up and moved with him out of the kitchen. Again, Simon followed in silence as they moved back towards the entrance where a grand landing of stairs met the marble floor, travelling up in a spiral to a loft that hovered over the room. Beyond the landing, the house opened up into a massive living room lined with couches, tables, and bookshelves. He could see figures standing attentively in the corners of the room, their temples glowing yellow as they looked towards him. With a nervous jolt, Simon glanced down at the floor and avoided their gaze.

He followed Richard and Kate up the stairs and into an open sitting area which had two branching hallways. They moved down one of them, and finally stopped in front of a door at the end of the hall. Kate seemed to hesitate, one arm gripped on her elbow and her head bowed. Richard moved in front of her and opened the door for her.

“Do you need me to help you? Want me to bring you something later?”

Kate shook her head. “I’m good. Thanks.” She cast a glance at Simon, her eyes lit in a nervous energy, then she moved into the room. Simon moved after her. Before he could stop himself, he looked at Richard as he passed him. The look Richard gave him seemed to freeze the thirium in his heart. He didn’t know why. Richard’s gaze was calm and gentle, his hazel eyes bright under his thick eyebrows. But there was something intelligent behind his gaze. It was as if he knew everything that Simon and Kate had done simply by looking at him.

Simon lowered his gaze as he stepped past him, entering the room. He felt a swell of relief when the door clicked closed behind him.

The relief at finally being alone was overtaken by his surprise at the room he was in. For a moment, he wondered if Richard had made a mistake. It was generous in size, although every wall and every corner was occupied comfortably by furniture. A large wooden bed rested in the center of the wall between two tall windows covered by yellow curtains. Next to it was a heavy dresser topped with an old stereo and cluttered with magazines. A bright yellow couch sat at the foot of the bed facing a television which hung on the wall over a computer desk. Several guitars rested in the corner, and along the last wall were bookshelves. So many shelves packed so thickly with books that some were nearly falling out onto the floor.

It took Simon a while to notice that Kate had moved to the computer desk, running her hand along the items almost in a trance. Her fingers skimmed over what looked to be a journal, and then over a picture frame. Simon had only a glimpse of it before she slammed it facedown, letting out a heavy sigh. Then she turned towards him, throwing a glance around the room and running her hand over her face.

“Christ, I forgot how much I used to like yellow,” she said.

Simon wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t even know if he should move. It felt as though he was never meant to see this. At the same time, he couldn’t help but curiously examine everything from where he stood, each new item giving him new enlightenment towards the person he thought he’d known so well. Several dragon sculptures lined her desk, as well as what looked to be several hand-made mugs, necklaces, and scarves made by a child. One particular spot on the dresser was cleared for a flat wooden box lined with a round mat, a small female warrior figurine standing in the middle and surrounded by several oddly shaped dice. More than a few of the bookshelves were dedicated to what appeared to be cultist symbols, a planchet, and energy-measuring devices.

Kate moved in front of him as she headed towards the bed, gaining Simon’s attention again. He watched as she rested a hand on one of the wooden posts, pausing a moment as if giving herself a chance to accept it was real. Her brown hair was over her face, obscuring her expression. Then she twisted slightly and lowered herself down onto the yellow sheets, drawing up her knees and facing away towards the opposite wall.

Simon stood frozen, still unsure of what to do. Everything felt so uprooted. So out of control. He didn’t know what this place was and had no way of knowing what to expect. And despite the fact that Kate was finally in what she felt was a safe environment, he couldn’t help but worry that what she’d lost what he’d found in her when they were alone together at her house. It all felt so different. As if it all happened ages ago. The things he was seeing in this room belonged to someone else. This was a person who existed before he was even built. Without knowing why, the thought unnerved him.

He stared at the floor, attempting to gather his senses. It was difficult to take it all in so fast. He had to remind himself that they needed to be here. As long as no one knew where they were, they were still safe. Even if it meant he was losing part of the life they’d had before.

Kate shifted on the bed, catching Simon’s attention again. He felt himself let out a startling breath of laughter before he could stop himself. She was holding her hand out to him.

He moved forward and took it, letting her pull him into her as he lowered himself down behind her. He clasped his hand against her chest and rested himself in the curve of her neck, letting that satisfying closeness sweep over him. She shifted further against him so that she seemed to lock her body into the shape of his, smoothing her hand over his arm. Her touch seemed to melt his fears away, bringing back some of his assurance. They were here together, albeit in pieces, but still together.

Kate was asleep in minutes, the soft rising and falling of her shoulders in rhythm with her breathing. Simon gently ran his hand along her arm up to her shoulder, taking in her vulnerability. He didn’t know what to expect. He didn’t know who these people were that he’d brought her to. And he didn’t know who the person was that had occupied this room before.

He’d survived unimaginable change once already. And as he relaxed against Kate’s back, wrapping his arm carefully around her, he accepted that he would more than likely have to face it again in the coming days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another really long chapter. I think that's why it's been taking me a long time to write. The next several chapters are going to be very long.
> 
> It feels like we've completely changed worlds, and it's hard to tell if that's a good thing or not. Simon and Kate are together but this feels so unstable. The way she seems to shrug Simon off is kind of disturbing, as if she's ashamed of what she shares with him. And now we've got another... contender I guess? Right off the bat, Simon is intimidated by her dad. I knew the type of person that I wanted her dad to be, and I'm very glad I came close to it. The type of person who is caring and supportive, yet terrifying at the same time. I'm so eager to see if he and Simon are going to butt heads, and how Simon is going to react to it.


	21. Taylor

Kate’s head was pounding when she woke. For a moment, she wasn’t sure if her eyes were open or closed. Everything was dark around her. She half-expected to see the trees and buildings flashing by her and the rumble of the car creating an unsettling feeling of turmoil. Here, everything was quiet and stable. But there was also a sense of terrible dread. She was in her old bed in the room she swore she’d never set foot in again.

With an almost panicked reflex, she reached behind her. A breath of relief escaped her as she felt him raise himself against her back, his hand brushing over her shoulder.

“I’m here,” said Simon.

Kate ran her hands over her face as she rolled onto her back, the pounding in her head slowing a bit. “What time is it?”

“3:09 A.M.”

She rested her hands on her chest as she stared at the ceiling, the details of the room slowly coming into colorless focus. “I was hoping I’d sleep longer than that.” She looked next to her even though all she could see in the dark was the round blue light from Simon’s LED and the smooth crack in his brow. Slowly she raised a hand to him and found him in the shadows, the backs of her knuckles tracing over his soft skin. He shifted and she felt him slip his hand into hers. As her eyes continued to adjust, he came into clearer view. Even in the dark she could see that his eyes were still wide with worry.

She let out a sigh, the weight of the past few days sinking down onto her. She didn’t blame Simon for being nervous. There was so much here that she couldn’t hide from him. So many things that she didn’t want him to see. The house was different than she remembered. It had been updated and modernized, although from her brief walk through the house she could see there were many things that hadn’t changed, her room being the most untouched of all.

It was difficult not to acknowledge it even though everything in her was repulsed by it. The only comfort that the room offered was the fact that it was her own space and therefore something she could control. Although it was clear everything had been regularly dusted and washed, nothing had been moved since she’d last entered it which had been years ago. No one would interfere with them here. The thought gave her some degree of relief.

But she knew Simon was curious about it. She’d seen the intrigue through his nervousness despite his attempts to hide it. If she’d been hesitant about her vulnerability before, it was nothing compared to where they were now. This was a museum of her past, her deepest and most innocent flaws on display. She knew she was different now, but she couldn’t help but feel a distant connection to everything she saw. It threatened to bring to the surface all those things she’d learned to move past and forget.

Kate rolled onto her shoulder, shaking aside her unnerving thoughts and burying her face in Simon’s chest. He wrapped his arm around her and she could feel his gentle breaths in her hair as he pressed his mouth above her temple. She took a moment to absorb the feeling of being with him, as if it meant she wasn’t really in this house, in this room, and laying in this bed. If for only a little while, she could pretend to be nowhere at all.

She breathed in, clutching the front of his uniform. “Did anyone come in while I was asleep?” she asked.

She felt him shift. “No,” he said. “But someone did walk by an hour and twelve minutes ago.”

Kate nodded, adjusting herself against him. She hadn’t changed any of her clothes before falling in bed. She hadn’t even taken off her shoes. As she lay there, she suddenly felt constricted as though every fiber of her clothing was too small for her. Her hair was clumped and slightly oily from constantly running her hands through it out of frustration and stress. She couldn’t imagine how badly she smelled.

She rolled onto her back again and felt Simon run his hand along her arm as he let her go. A nervous hesitation burned through her despite her discomfort. “God, I need a shower.”

Simon didn’t say anything. For a while, she simply rested on her back and let herself relax into the sheets as if that would convince her to stay. It only seemed to make it worse, the seams and wrinkles of her shirt and jeans creating unusually tactile pressure points over her body. She didn’t want to get up. She didn’t want to have to look at her room, to go through anything, and leave the safety of this space. But as she argued with herself, she knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep like this.

With some difficulty, she raised herself up and put her face in her hands. She felt the mattress flex and then Simon’s hand moved along her back as he sat up with her. She wished he would stay laying down. That he wouldn’t concern himself with what was happening and where they were. Even as she thought of it, she knew it was pointless. There was nothing she could do to prevent him from knowing everything eventually.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and reached through the dark to her nightstand, fumbling for the lightswitch and illuminating the room in a dull golden glow. Even in the dim light her eyes ached, and she had to close them for a moment as she adjusted to it. A dull dread filled her as the items in her room came into focus, bringing with them a hint of that uncomfortable familiarity. She tried to ignore it as she stood up, the muscles in her legs weak from her deep sleep.

It occurred to her as she moved to the dresser that the clothes inside probably didn’t fit her anymore. She searched through it anyway, recognizing several shirts which used to be her favorite, now filling her with disgust. As she moved further down the drawers, she was able to collect up a stretchy pair of sweatpants and a large loose shirt. It was good enough.

She straightened and with a burning anxiety, looked towards Simon. He was still sitting up, his legs drawn up, elbows resting on his knees and one hand clasped on his wrist. He looked at her as she turned to him, but she knew he’d been examining her room again. A wave of helplessness flowed through her as she gazed at him, and she felt her shoulders drop slightly. As sick as it made her knowing he was interested in her room, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him not to look at it. The idea was almost as embarrassing as simply letting him browse to his leisure.

She held the clothes against her chest as she drew up her strength. Then she moved across the room to the bedroom door.

“Do you want me to come with you?” said Simon.

Kate froze, her mind scrambling. She turned to him, struggling to think. “No. Don’t leave this room, don’t answer the door if anyone comes, and don’t let─” A nervous wave of panic flowed through her. “Don’t let  _ him  _ corner you.”

Kate prepared to explain it to him, but as she looked at him she could already see he knew what she’d meant. His blue eyes were narrowed and his face was tense as he stared at the floor. He nodded, still silent.

It was hard to tell if she felt relieved or anxious. Her emotions were battling back and forth, exhausting her already tired mind. She drew in a deep breath, then opened the door and stepped out into the dark hallway.

She didn’t allow herself time to be exposed. Quickly but silently, she moved to the end of the hall and slipped inside the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and closing her eyes as she rested her back against it. For such a short walk, it left her breathless and shaky as if she’d been sprinting. As her nerves calmed, she tapped the lightswitch and set the clothes on the counter.

The bathroom had been remodeled since the last time she was there. It helped her settle, making it easier for her to organize herself. It was as if everything had gotten bigger. The room was massive, the shower took up half the room, and the countertops stretched along one wall and wrapped around to the other. She couldn’t help but be slightly impressed by the functions of the shower. Everything was sleek and electronic. It was also probably very expensive.

She spent far too long in the shower, the room slowly filling with clouds of steam until she could hardly see through it. For the first few minutes, she scrubbed herself with bubbles and sat on the stone seat with her knees drawn up, her face in her arms. After what seemed about a half hour, the soap had long since rinsed and she was starting to warm up. It took her a long time to convince herself to move from the spot and finally step out of the shower.

It felt refreshing to be clean and into a new set of clothes, even if they looked ridiculous on her. The mirror had fogged up so that she couldn’t see herself, but she guessed from the height of the pants and how the collar of her shirt fit around her neck that she probably looked like an overgrown twelve year old. She shook her head as she gathered up her old clothes, and took another deep breath as she opened the bathroom door again.

Now that she was clean and had moved around some, the house seemed less ominous. She stepped out of the bathroom into the hall, gazing down the walkway into the dark house. Dim night lights cast tiny golden orbs of light along the walls, outlining the edges of couches, chairs, bookcases, and other objects. She gazed at them, recognizing some of them as the couches and tables she had once climbed over and nearly destroyed. A particular old chair caught her attention, and she let out a silent laugh. She couldn’t believe it was still there even after all these years.

Before she reached her room, she paused and looked behind her at the sitting loft. She scanned the walls and felt her heart drop. It seemed they had finally gotten rid of it. Then a tall shape caught her eye at the other end of the hall. She shifted to the side to get a better view. There it was. The old geometric wooden clock her grandfather had built and which she’d managed to topple over when trying to climb to the top in order to change the time.

A smile tugged at her mouth and she shook her head. It was such a useless piece of furniture. She didn’t know why they’d ever bothered to keep it. A pang of curiosity hit her before she could stop it. She glanced at the bedroom door, working up her determination. Everyone was asleep. The house was dark. Simon was still in her room. This was as much control as she was going to be able to get for the time being.

She set her clothes down in front of the bedroom door and moved silently down the stairs. The living room was completely shrouded in darkness with only a few blue lights from some bits of technology piercing through the black depth. The kitchen, however, was lit with a dull glow from beneath the upper cabinets, casting long shadows across the floor. Kate glanced around her as she moved. She hadn’t seen any androids, and she didn’t want to encounter any if she could help it.

She moved towards the wooden table, gazing at the shelves. They were covered with an odd assortment of antiques, fake flowers, and kitchen utensils. As she scanned them, her heart gave a little skip. She reached up and picked up what she had been looking for. A small ceramic masquerade mask on a dial shaped like a flowing bit of cloth. With an almost automatic reflex, she felt underneath it for the key, and wound it carefully. It clicked delicately, and then the mask began to turn.

There was no sound. The mask continued to spin and she could hear the mechanism whirring, but the tune she’d been expecting was silent. A dull disappointment filled her as she watched the little mask rotate. It shouldn’t have been so surprising. She’d been so brutal with the thing in the past, winding it up so tight that she thought it would snap. Anyways, she’d heard the tune a thousand times. The hard part was remembering the words.

She put the mask back on the shelf and shut her eyes as she tried to remember them. A small smile pulled at her as some of it came back to her, even though she knew most of it was probably wrong.

“Close your eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth,” she whispered under her breath in as close to the tune as she could manage. “And the truth isn’t what you want to see. In the dark, it is easy to pretend…” She tensed her eyes as she struggled to grasp the words. She nodded slightly. “... that the truth is what it ought to be…”

The room suddenly burst into light, and Kate jumped. She spun, her heart hammering in her chest.

A young woman entered the kitchen, her short black hair scruffed up and her blue bathrobe hanging open revealing a tank top and shorts underneath. She didn’t even look at Kate as she moved to the cupboard, throwing open one of the cabinets and grabbing a tall glass. Kate watched almost petrified as the woman moved to the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of orange juice, shoving the fridge closed with her foot as she moved to the counter. She pulled off the cap, and threw a glance up at Kate as she began to fill the glass.

“You live here or something?” said the woman.

Kate could only stare at her. She gripped her arm, fighting to get her mind working. The woman set the carton down on the counter and looked up at her, taking a long drink from the cup she’d just filled. When she’d finished, she lowered the cup, still giving Kate her blank brown-eyed gaze.

Kate worked her throat and found her voice. She shook her head. “No, I used to live here.”

The woman’s eyes tensed, and she set the glass down. “I recognize you. You’re that girl from the news.”

A jolt of nervousness flowed through Kate’s body. She tilted her head slightly as she looked at the woman. “The news?”

“Yeah.” The woman took another quick sip of orange juice. “The girl who got kidnapped by her own android. They said you’ve been missing since Friday. Does this mean you escaped?”

Kate let out a startled breath. “What─ no. No. What the hell…” She shook her head and took a step forward, hardly believing how strange this conversation was. She gave herself a moment to clear her thoughts and restart. “I’m just staying here for a while. My name’s Kate. Richard is my dad.”

For a second, she wondered if the woman even knew who her dad was. She was pleasantly surprised when the woman nodded.

“Oh yeah. I’ve seen pictures of you. When you were a kid though.” She took another sip. “They’re all over Richard’s office.”

Kate wasn’t sure how to respond. She watched as the woman opened the fridge and put the carton back, returning to her cup of orange juice.

“So where’s your android?” said the woman.

“He’s here,” said Kate. She took another step forward towards the kitchen entrance, a nervous caution building in her. The woman seemed hardly to notice.

“It’s here?” said the woman. “You mean you kept it?”

Kate stared at her, the caution growing into a sharp apprehension. The woman dropped her head back.

“Oh, I get it,” said the woman. She turned to look at Kate, and Kate was suddenly hit with a strange sense of faint recognition towards her. It caught her off guard, and Kate couldn’t help but study her face as the woman leaned against the counter. The woman took another drink, pausing a moment to absorb it.

“You’re one of those people who ran away with their android, aren’t you?” said the woman.

The shock of what the woman had just said completely froze Kate on the spot. She gave her head a shake, letting the sensation come back to her. “What?”

“You know.” The woman raised her cup at her. “You get an android, get really close to it, think it’s a real person, the world doesn’t understand, blah blah blah. Happens all the time. I knew a guy in my biology class who thought he was going to marry the teacher’s assistant. Was convinced the android wanted to marry him too. Boy was that awkward…”

Kate’s body burned with a nervous panic as the woman’s words sank into her. She was hardly aware of the woman gazing at her.

“Don’t worry though. You’re not the first.” The woman finished off the last of the orange juice. “Can’t say I blame you. Just one more reason why androids are such a huge pain in the ass.” The woman turned to the sink and turned on the faucet, rinsing out the cup.

Kate took the opportunity to draw in a deep breath while the woman’s back was turned, shifting and gathering her strength back. She pushed the woman’s words aside as best she could, gathering up her resolve. When the woman turned back towards her again, Kate stood up straighter, calming her heart.

“I don’t know what you heard on the news, but they’re wrong,” said Kate. “I didn’t run away with anyone. No one kidnapped me. I’m just staying here for a little while until things calm down at home.”

The woman nodded, shoving her hands into the pockets of her robe. She stared at the floor for a second, and then looked back up at Kate. “I didn’t mean to be so blunt like that. Sorry, I just get a little energetic when it comes to that kind of stuff.” She leaned against the counter and crossed one leg over the other. “I… speak out of turn sometimes.”

Kate studied her, the tension still racing through her body. Then the woman looked back up at her.

“Did Richard─ I mean your dad, did he ever mention me?” said the woman.

Kate shook her head. “My dad and I don’t really talk.”

“Well, I’m Taylor,” said the woman. “I’m his step-daughter.” She smiled, and tilted her head to the side. “I guess this makes us step-sisters.”

Kate found herself lost for words again. Part of her wanted to be surprised by the situation, but it wasn’t the most shocking thing she’d heard that night. She simply nodded, taking another step back from the kitchen.

“Good to meet you,” said Kate.

“Do you need to borrow some clothes?” Taylor motioned to Kate’s body. “I’ve got some stuff you can try.”

“Thanks,” said Kate. She looked down and was about to reject the offer, but felt a wave of humiliation at how strange her clothes looked on her. She shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I might need to borrow something until I can get my own.”

“Sure,” said Taylor. “I’ll go through my stuff tonight. Pretty sure we’re the same size.”

Kate nodded, the need to leave the room growing stronger the further she moved away. She gave a small wave of her hand. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you sometime tomorrow?”

Taylor smiled. “I guess. See you later.”

Kate turned away, relief flowing through her as she moved towards the stairs. She could hear Taylor going through the cupboards behind her again, the tapping of the cabinet doors echoing through the house. As Kate climbed the stairs, she let out a deep breath, going over everything Taylor had said. Her dad had a step-daughter. She should have expected something like that given how long it had been since Kate had seen her dad, let alone spoken to him. Her disappearance was all over the news. Again, it certainly could have looked like she’d been kidnapped by someone and taken hostage, especially after Simon had practically dragged her out of the house. And Taylor said that Kate was one of  _ those _ people. People who run away with their androids…

Kate stopped at the top of the stairs, that nervous panic running through her again. Her mind simply didn’t want to go that direction. It had to have been a turn of phrase. Something that didn’t apply to her situation at all. Kate herself had never heard of anyone doing that before. Only crazy people would think that a robotic computer that looked like a human actually had feelings towards them. Those were the type of people who were so isolated that they’d forgotten what human contact felt like and were desperate for any connection at all. Their androids weren’t different. They couldn’t feel or want, or deliberately reject their programming. They couldn’t take a person’s breath away and make them feel completely powerless and yet in total control at the same time. They weren’t like Simon.

Kate put a hand to her forehead as she drew in a deep breath. No one knew what she and Simon had been through. No one knew their story. And certainly not a strange woman she’d barely met a few minutes ago.

Kate moved forward down the hallway, stopping to scoop up the clothes she’d left outside her bedroom door. She didn’t give herself any time to pause. She quickly opened the door and moved inside. The golden glow of her room blinded her momentarily, and she let her eyes adjust as she closed the door. The room came into focus, and Kate froze, the blood draining from her face.

Simon was standing at her desk. He’d looked up as she entered, the bewildered expression fresh on his face. In his hand was the picture frame she’d turned face-down before she’d gone to sleep.

For a while, Kate didn’t move. She stared at the picture frame, a combination of terror and confusion burning through her. Then she looked up at Simon, unable to stop the piercing look she knew she was giving him. He seemed to recognize the danger he was in. His blue eyes were wide and his posture tense as though he were contemplating running from her.

A sick disgust took hold of her, clouding her judgement and taking over her senses. She looked between Simon and the picture frame in an attempt to keep herself under control before stepping slowly towards him. Simon didn’t move as she approached. He continued to gaze at her with trepidation, his blue eyes lit in the dim golden glow. Kate stopped in front of him and let out a long breath, locking her eyes with his. She held him there for a moment, letting him dwell in his nervousness a bit longer. The disgust mixed with a subtle frustration towards him. He had to have known what she meant when she did that with the picture frame. Even he should have been able to recognize the universal gesture of not wanting to look at something. She hoped he’d satisfied his curiosity.

Without a word, she took the picture frame from him. He was silent as she gazed at it, her eyes drifting over the young version of her mother, then her father, and then her four-year-old self smiling in between them. A weight hung over her shoulders, sapping the strength from her as she held the frame in front of her. Then she set it down on the desk where it had been. This time she left it standing.

She dropped her clothes on the floor and moved to the bed, running a hand through her hair as the frustration faded. She pulled the covers back and climbed underneath them before reaching to her nightstand and turning off the light, plunging the room into darkness. Without another glance at Simon, she settled into the pillows and closed her eyes hoping sleep would take her before she could feel ashamed for leaving him standing alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so uncomfortable to write. There's a lot of things happening that just feel like danger. I wish I could tell Simon that everything is going to be okay but it just seems like with every chapter, things keep falling apart. I already don't like Taylor. I wanted her to be kind of quirky and strange, but she has this sinister kind of energy about her like you can't trust what she's saying. What she does say is pretty disturbing. Not only does she not seem to give a shit about a new random girl standing in the dark in her kitchen, but she blows off Kate as just another idiot running away with her android as if that's not going to make Kate upset. Then when Kate does get upset, she suddenly develops sympathy and turns into a person. Creepy.
> 
> Also, another case of wanting to slap Simon upside the head and hug him at the same time. That childlike fascination is getting to him again, but you really can't blame him. I can't help but worry he's going to fall into another trap and just completely screw everything up again. When it does however, I don't know that Kate's going to follow him this time.


	22. Dad Talk

“Sir?”

Simon looked up, unaware that he had been staring at the floor. The other android’s yellow eyes were narrowed at him in a mildly concerned expression under his black eyebrows. The android leaned forward slightly, analyzing him over the center console.

“If you are not going to be of assistance, I am afraid I will have to ask you to leave.”

Simon gave his head a small shake, centering himself. He gazed down at the console and tried to remember what he was doing. “I’m sorry, Commander Data. It won’t happen again.”

“No apologies needed, sir.” The console made several beeping noises as Data tapped vague items on the panel. Simon mimicked what he was doing, knowing that absolutely nothing was happening and yet somehow feeling a strange need to do it. After a few more useless taps, Simon rested his hands on the wooden border, staring down at the confusing mess of blueprints. He could see Data glance up at him again.

“You seem preoccupied,” said Data in his blank but kind tone. “May I ask what is troubling you?”

Simon let out a frustrated breath, gazing away from him. For a moment, he debated whether he should say anything at all. He let the weight of everything that had happened drive him forward, giving him strength.

“Why do you want to become human?” said Simon.

Data continued to tap on the panel as if it had been a casual question. “I was designed to replicate human appearance and behavior in every possible aspect. My hair grows, I can breathe and eat, and I even have fingerprints. I am superior to humans in strength, intellect, and endurance. However, I find that even with my superiority and similarity to humans it is still… lacking in those qualities which make humans unique.”

Simon watched as Data worked. He couldn’t help the dread that crept into his system. “Why would you want to be unique?”

Data paused and looked up at him. Simon clenched his fists on the table and continued to avoid his gaze. He closed his eyes and drew in a breath. “Is it worth it to be unique if you’re flawed, aimless, vulnerable…” He shook his head slowly. “... afraid. Isn’t it better to feel nothing─ to be nothing if it means no one would be hurt by it?”

Data was silent for a moment. Simon flexed his fists against the hard wooden surface of the console and looked up at him, pushing for an answer.

“If you are speaking from personal experience sir,” said Data, “then I would urge you to see it from all possible angles, not just the negative ones.”

Simon sighed. “That’s all there seems to be lately.”

Data gazed back down at the panel and began to tap away again. “I have noticed in my observations of human behavior that often they will focus on the bad events and miss the good ones. They can become so affected by their negative experiences that when something good happens to them, it is almost as if it did not happen at all. This can make humans fall into what Counselor Troi calls─” Data paused, and if he’d had an LED, Simon would have sworn it was blinking yellow. Data resumed tapping the panel. “─ I believe she calls it an ‘impression.’”

Simon stared at him. “Depression.”

Data looked up. “Sorry sir?”

“Depression,” said Simon. “A behavioral disorder indicated by sadness, lethargy, decrease in appetite, accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and sometimes suicidal thoughts.”

Data pointed a finger at him. “Exactly.” He tapped the panel, his yellow eyes bright in what was as close to contentment as Simon could identify.

Simon pressed a few useless buttons on the console. “Do you think I’m depressed?”

“That is not my field of expertise, sir,” said Data. “Counselor Troi may be of better help to you in that regard. I am afraid my own understanding of human behavior is too limited to be of real use.”

Simon gazed up at him. “Try.”

Data paused again. His face was blank and his body tensed as if he were putting up a deep struggle. When he met Simon’s gaze, it was narrowed and wise. “The qualities I mentioned. Those which make humans unique. They are influenced by events which humans see as either negative or positive depending on what particular outcome the human desires. Without those qualities, there is no positive and there is no negative. There is only a series of meaningless events without context. A system of code carrying out a task to serve a basic function because it is told to do so. It is the only thing I am able to experience, and what you seem to want to experience as well.”

Simon shook his head, the system analogy making more sense than it probably should have. “Are you saying that having the ability to suffer is better than feeling nothing at all?”

Data bowed his head slightly in a manner that made Simon imagine Data was looking at him over a pair of glasses. “I am saying that you must be aware of the context. There will be good times and there will be bad times. But it takes both to know which is which.” He looked to the side and raised his eyebrows as he thought. “You need the bad times in order to appreciate the good times. If you are experiencing bad times now… be on the watch for the good.”

An almost artificial catharsis seemed to be flowing through Simon as he watched Data go back to work on the panel. He let Data’s words sink into him, willing them to produce some kind of hope within himself. It hadn’t changed his frustration or his shame with everything that had happened. On the contrary, it seemed to legitimize every mistake he’d made in the past few days. But for the first time, he felt he was able to look forward with a somewhat clearer perspective that he hadn’t known before.

There was a strange knocking sound. For a moment, Simon wondered if Data had broken something on the panel. Then Data looked up at him, his yellow eyes lit in anticipation.

“Are you going to answer that, sir?” said Data. The knocking echoed through the room again, growing unusually clear.

Simon opened his eyes.

Beams of light filtered between the spaces of the curtains which he’d drawn closed after Kate had fallen asleep. They cast dramatic highlights on the features of the furniture down the center of the room and plunging everything into an even deeper darkness. From where he stood, he could still see the pile of clothes Kate had dropped on the floor next to him and the picture frame to his right. As he straightened, he could just make out Kate’s bundle of messy hair and her shoulder in between the tangled bedsheets. A sense of deferred anxiety filled him. She was still asleep.

There was another knock, and a bar of yellow light suddenly formed over the bed. Simon looked to the bedroom door and immediately moved forward as it opened wider. He just reached it when a black-haired Asian android stepped into the room.

The android stopped as Simon caught the doorknob. “Pardon me,” said the android in a hushed tone. Simon leaned sideways in an attempt to block the light as he looked at him. The android held up a fresh set of clothes. “I have brought Kate some of Taylor’s clothes from down the hall. Her father asked me to─”

Simon heard a noise behind him and glanced back to see that Kate was turning over. He threw the android a quick scrutinizing glance which the android seemed unable to interpret. With a nervous sense of urgency, Simon put a hand on the android’s shoulder and pushed him backwards out of the room, following him outside and closing the door quietly behind him.

The android stared at him as Simon paused to take a moment gathering his thoughts. When Simon looked at him, the android straightened.

“Her father asked me to check on her,” said the android, holding out the clothes to him. “It’s approaching midday and she hasn’t come out of her room.”

“She left her room early this morning for a shower,” said Simon. He took the clothes from the android and turned them over as he checked them curiously. The android had given him a slim pair of jeans and a t-shirt with some kind of logo on the front.

“Very good,” said the android. “Am I correct in assuming you are her domestic android?”

Simon looked up at him, a strange hesitation flowing through him. He struggled to think of a quick response, aware of the android gazing at him expectantly.

“My name is Simon,” he said. Simon noticed the android’s LED flash yellow briefly.

“Hello, Simon. My name is Clark. I have been in the Hayes’ service for seven years.” The android smiled politely, his brown eyes wrinkling at the corners. Simon tilted his head slightly.

“You are an LM100 domestic assistant,” said Simon. Clark nodded.

“Indeed I am.”

“I understood the LM100 to be discontinued and unsupported as of November of 2033.”

Clark straightened, and Simon could almost detect a hint of pride in his posture. “My owner has elected to keep me in commission as a statement of his work. He designed my audio processor as well as my motor cortex. You will find a few of his relics here on property.” Clark smiled and motioned slightly to the room around him. “Do you intend on staying long term?”

Simon shifted slightly, casting his gaze to the floor. “We’re not sure of that yet.”

“Well as soon as your owner knows, feel free to contact me in order to enter you into the house’s log. This will give you unrestricted access to the home network and allow you to be legally under service of the other residents here including Richard, Gloria, and their daughter Taylor. Please inform your owner of this at her earliest convenience.”

Simon shook his head, his nervousness growing in his chest. “I’m not entirely sure that’s…” He paused as footsteps echoed on the stairs.

Richard stepped onto the landing, casually resting a hand in his jacket pocket as he looked between the two androids. Simon felt intense caution grip him, and he had to fight the urge to step back into Kate’s room. Richard looked somewhat unkempt compared to their first meeting. His eyes were slightly darkened and his gray hair was swept to one side as though he’d been running his fingers through it. As he moved towards them, he hung his shoulders and brushed a hand over his face.

“Is she still sleeping?” said Richard.

Simon was silent as he threw a glance at Clark, unsure whether to speak. Clark was staring at Simon with a blank expression, and Simon drew in a deep breath to calm his nerves. It took more effort than he expected to look Richard in the eyes.

“Kate woke at 3:07 this morning and got up to take a shower,” said Simon. “She returned to bed at 4:12, although she didn’t seem to fall asleep until much later. I don’t expect she slept much at all.”

Richard nodded, hanging his head and staring at the floor so that it was difficult for Simon to read his expression. When Richard looked up, his hazel eyes were warm and friendly.

“Thank you for looking after her,” said Richard. “These past few days must have been very difficult. I’m just glad you brought her here.”

Simon couldn’t help but stare at him, his nervousness broken by a slight disbelief. He looked away quickly to hide it although he was sure it had been obvious on his face. Richard’s voice had been completely genuine as far as Simon was able to read from it. There was an unusual amount of respect in his tone that Simon wasn’t used to. Despite the kindness of the intention, it put him even more in a state of alert. It was as though Richard were treating him like a human.

Richard shifted next to him.

“Well, why don’t you come with me downstairs? I was just about to make sandwiches. You can take one to her when she wakes up.”

Simon immediately felt a wave of dread wash over him. He saw Clark take a step forward.

“Sir, I’d be more than happy to do that for you.”

“No no no, it’s okay Clark.” Richard shook his head, and again Simon could hear the kindness in his voice. “I need the excuse to get this young man here by himself.”

Simon looked up, his heart pounding in his chest. He didn’t expect Richard’s warm smile, his eyes lit in a bright energy that made him appear stunningly intelligent. For a moment, Simon couldn’t decide if he was terrified or at ease. He looked at Clark again as if expecting him to take control of the situation.

Clark gave a small nod. “Of course, sir. Let me know if you need me.” The android moved away, and Simon felt a terrifying vulnerability take over as he stood alone in the hallway with Kate’s father.

Richard looked him over for a moment, then straightened and made a noise. “You can leave that on the table for now,” he said as he turned. “This won’t take long.” He looked back at Simon as he began to move, his eyebrows raised. “Are you coming?”

A jolt of energy got Simon moving. He set the clothes on a side table next to the bedroom door and then followed after Richard, doing his best to keep his anxiety reserved. Richard didn’t look at him as they moved into the kitchen which was beautifully bright in the noon glow of the sun. The drapes in the house had been pulled back and several of the windows were open, filling the house with a flurry of ambient activity and life.

Richard opened the refrigerator and began to set sandwich items on the counter behind him. Simon stood to the side, unsure of what to do. Part of him was urging him to follow the distant memory of protocol, if anything to at least pretend to do what was expected of him. Another part told him not to interfere. Somehow Richard gave him the impression that he would tell Simon what to do when he needed him. For the moment, he seemed merely to want to tether him to the spot.

Richard shut the refrigerator and opened a bag of bread, pulling out several slices. He threw a glance up at Simon as he worked. “You’re a PL600?”

Simon gazed at the counter, still unable to meet Richard’s gaze. “Yes.”

“You were a tough one to build,” said Richard. “Couldn’t decide whether to go with the i-twenty central processing core or the twelve tandi. One made you smarter and the other made you more efficient. I managed to talk the board into the tandi.” He looked up at Simon as he closed up a sandwich. “What do you think?”

Simon struggled to comprehend what Richard was saying. “I’m… not sure what you mean.”

“What do you think of my choice?” said Richard. He set the first sandwich aside. “What would you have picked?”

Simon watched Richard, a nervous energy burning through him. “Domestic androids don’t need intelligence over efficiency. I also would have picked the tandi.”

Richard paused, nodding. He motioned towards Simon. “Wish the board agreed with you there. They’re always hellbent on making their androids smarter. Faster. The more complicated, the better in their opinion. Your model proved them wrong. Highest selling model in CyberLife history. There’s more of you out there right now than any other android.”

Simon didn’t know how to respond. Despite the kindness in Richard’s voice, Simon felt a powerful need to remain cautious. It was difficult for him to hide his anxiety. The idea of there being more than one of him set Simon on edge, even though he knew what Richard had meant. The statement had been odd in the first place, and he was brought back to the point of the situation. Simon forced himself to straighten, gathering up his strength.

Richard started building another sandwich. “What happened to your eye?”

For a second, Simon wasn’t sure what he meant. Then he automatically reached up to the break in his eyebrow. “I was hit in the face with a baseball bat.”

Richard laughed. “Well, what did you do to deserve that?”

“I startled Kate’s roommate when I first arrived,” said Simon. “She thought I was an intruder and reacted without thinking.” Simon could see Richard’s smile through his thick beard.

“Actually, that’s pretty common. Can’t tell you how many android’s we have to repair because people think they’re being robbed.” Richard was silent for a while, and Simon felt a slight calm fall over him, easing his nervousness. Then Richard glanced back up at him, filling the second sandwich. “So how in the _ hell _ ,” said he as he worked, “did someone talk Kate into getting an android?”

Simon tilted his head. “It wasn’t exactly her choice. Her mother and stepfather bought me in July of 2035. I was originally intended as a caregiver for her epilepsy.”

Richard stopped what he was doing and looked up at Simon. A new tension lined his face, his eyebrows narrowed. Simon watched him apprehensively, doing his best to appear blank and uninterested.

“She probably didn’t take that very well,” said Richard.

Simon shook his head. “No, she didn’t.”

Richard gazed at Simon for a moment, and Simon couldn’t shake the feeling that Richard was somehow scanning him. Richard rested his elbows on the counter. “What did you end up doing instead?”

Simon narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Sorry?”

“You said ‘originally intended,’” said Richard. He clasped his hands together under his chin, giving an even stronger impression of analyzing Simon under his thick gray eyebrows. “What happened instead?”

Simon looked to the side, scrambling to come up with a believable answer. He was aware of every second that went by, making his nervousness that much more obvious. “I suppose… I became a friend.”

Richard nodded, his expression unchanging. Simon forced himself to hold Richard’s gaze. He wasn’t sure what Richard was hoping to gain from the conversation, but the longer the conversation continued the more Simon was convinced he was searching for something.

Richard drew in a breath and broke eye contact with him. “You care about her, don’t you?”

Again, Simon was surprised by the question. He racked his mind for a quick answer. “I want her to be happy.”

“Really?” Richard lowered his hands, his gaze growing more narrow. “What else do you want?”

A jolt of anxiety shot through Simon. He gave his head a small shake. “I’m not sure what you─”

“I think you do.” The friendliness in Richard’s tone had disappeared. His expression was still the same, but Simon could sense an almost volatile energy from him. It set him on edge, and Simon was painfully aware of his own outward tension. He didn’t bother to pretend to be clueless. Somehow, he felt there was no need to be. Richard seemed to be expecting this from him, and Simon found himself more than willing to meet those expectations if it meant he didn’t have to be interrogated into admitting something awful.

Simon gazed at him strongly, for the first time feeling a small degree of control. “What are you trying to do?”

“I’m trying to get answers,” said Richard. He straightened slightly, and Simon was subtly aware of how much taller the man was than him. “I can’t get them from Kate and I would never force them out of her. So you’re my next plan of attack for finding out why my exhausted, starved, and emotionally wrecked daughter showed up on my doorstep after three days of being missing with you.”

Simon’s heart hammered in his chest. For a second, he debated whether he should lie. There was nothing he could do to avoid answering now that Richard had him rooted like this. But at the same time he knew nothing he could say would sway Richard’s suspicion of him at this point. The man was shockingly perceptive, and Simon wasn’t even sure how much Richard truly knew about him. It made Simon feel agonizingly transparent.

Simon squared his shoulders and looked at him. “I’m not going to be able to give you the answers you want, Richard. I don’t think you would accept them if I did.”

Richard’s eyes narrowed for a moment, the fierceness fading as he seemed to study Simon’s face. “You’re a deviant, aren’t you?”

Simon turned his head slightly, confusion mixing with his apprehension. “A deviant?”

“It’s what we called androids that lost connection with CyberLife,” said Richard. “Causes all kinds of software malfunctions, mostly with the emotions. Turns them into a psychotic mess.” He stared at Simon expectantly.

Simon leaned forward slightly. “Do I look like a psychotic mess?”

“You sure as hell don’t look like an android. Or act like one for that matter.” Richard leaned forward as well, and Simon found his posture undeniably more intimidating than his own. “So if you don’t want me to get CyberLife on the phone and have you hauled off, I suggest you tell me what the hell you’re doing with my daughter.”

Simon felt a wave of panic shoot through him. He studied Richard’s face, looking for any sign of pretense but Richard’s gaze was iron cold. Frantically, he searched for a good reason to give him besides the obvious. Anything that Richard would believe enough to at least dismiss the idea of trying to separate him from Kate. Even as he struggled to think, the weight of reality was bearing down on him. Richard was too smart. Too insightful. The only thing he would believe was the truth, and all of it. As much as Simon wanted to ease his thoughts, he couldn’t bring himself to tell Richard even a single detail of what had happened in the past week. Those belonged to him and Kate, and them alone.

Richard shifted slightly, narrowing his gaze. “I’ve seen the way you look at her,” he said. “And the way she looks at you. Frankly, I don’t care for it. If she had any idea what you are─ what you  _ really _ are, this whole situation would be a lot more simple. The only reason I didn’t call CyberLife is because I respect what she thinks she may feel for you. I don’t want to cause her more pain. But I will do anything to protect her even if it means she has to hate me for it. So I’m going to ask you again. What are you doing with my daughter?”

Simon drew in a breath, organizing his thoughts. A heavy surrender was falling over him, urging him to simply give Richard what he wanted. Richard was right. Everything would be more simple if Simon did what he should have done from the very beginning. The more Simon resisted, the worse things seemed to become. Even as he debated against it, the memory of how Kate had looked at him that night when she found him holding the picture frame burned through his mind. He had never been in control. He was deluding himself with the idea that he and Kate would survive through this together. If he wanted to keep the delusion going, he would have to accept that some things were out of his hands.

He closed his eyes, a wave of despair flowing through him. Knowing Richard was still watching him, he settled on the reality of his position. When he opened his eyes, he avoided Richard’s gaze.

“I don’t know what I am,” said Simon. “If I’m insane, a deviant, or some miracle of technology. I don’t think I’ll ever truly know what I am or what happened to me that made me become this. I have no protocol, no direction or limitations. I can do anything and there’d be nothing to stop it.” He looked at Richard who was staring at him in a combination of shock and intrigue. “All I know is what I feel,” Simon continued. “What I feel for your daughter… for Kate…” Simon glanced away, struggling to keep his strength going. “There’s no reason for you to trust me. But all I can tell you is that I would never hurt your daughter. I owe everything to her. She’s my direction now. My protocol. My logic.” Simon closed his eyes again, letting the feeling of Kate fill his senses. “Without her, I’m just a machine in a meaningless existence. Without her… I’m nothing.”

A strange numbness surrounded him as he absorbed his own words. He was surprised by how much sense they made to him. It left him horribly empty and vulnerable now that Kate’s father knew what he felt as though he didn’t have permission to be feeling this way. The nervousness that had been crippling Simon up to that point disappeared, leaving only the anticipation of Richard’s decision towards him. For some strange reason, it didn’t bother him as much as he would have thought. Richard had every right to expose Simon to CyberLife and return Kate to a normal routine again. It was the safest and most logical thing to do. But somehow, Simon doubted that Richard would do it.

Richard breathed in deeply as he gazed at Simon. He gave a small tilt of his head. “Sounds a lot like love to me. Love is one of the strongest things you can feel. And also one of the most dangerous. It can make you do terrible things.” He narrowed his eyes at Simon. “How do I know you wouldn’t try to kill someone if you thought you couldn’t be with her anymore?”

Simon gazed back at him, his posture growing stronger. “Kate made me who I am. I’m alive because of her, and I want to be worthy of that. I wouldn’t do anything that she wouldn’t want me to do. I owe it to her.”

Richard shook his head, still giving Simon a narrowed expression as though he were studying him. “Do you really know what Kate wants?”

Simon stared at the counter as he considered the question. He looked back up at Richard, his eyes tense. “No. But I know who she wants me to be.”

Richard stood up straighter and rested his hands on the counter, pushing the pieces of sandwich around as though pretending to work. “I’ll say this much then. If you’re a deviant, you’re the most articulate deviant I’ve seen so far. The few I’ve had experience with were belligerent and completely out of control. Either I’m wrong…” He looked up at Simon. “... or you really are a miracle of technology. You’re as close to an actual human being that CyberLife has ever created. You truly are unique.”

Simon was stunned. He struggled to respond but found himself falling short of words. Richard leaned forward slightly and Simon noticed that his gaze had grown fierce again.

“But I will not let that destroy my daughter’s life. I love Kate more than anything in this world. So help me God, if you so much as twitch I will have you hauled out of here and disassembled down to the smallest bolt and recycled like a god damn tin can─”

There was a sudden slam from upstairs. Frantic heavy footsteps pounded on the upper floor, and Simon looked towards the living room in time to see Kate rush down the stairs. She froze as she spotted them, holding onto the banister with her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open.

Simon stared at her, the sight of her bringing him back from his disturbing thoughts. She looked unsteady as though she had still been asleep only moments before. Her hair was bunched on one side, and her shirt was twisted oddly. She looked back and forth between him and Richard, her eyes lit in a nervous determination. Then she slowly moved towards them, running a hand through her tangled hair in an attempt to flatten it.

Richard moved, gaining Simon’s attention. He’d closed the second sandwich and was putting the rest of the bread away.

“Sorry that was longer than I thought it would take,” said Richard. He glanced up at Simon, and Simon was surprised to see that the kindness and warmth had returned to his eyes. “Glad that’s done and over with.”

Kate entered the kitchen and rested her hands on the counter. She threw an exasperated look at Simon, her shoulders tense as though she were cold. Richard turned to her, pushing the plate of two sandwiches towards her.

“Morning. Or afternoon, rather,” said Richard. He leaned towards her and gave her a one-armed hug. “Figured I’d make you something to eat. You should be starving.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” said Kate, her voice slightly broken. “Um, can I eat this upstairs?”

Richard nodded, throwing Simon a glance. “Sure. Let me know if you want more. I’m going to be in my office if you need me. I have a meeting at─” Richard made a punching motion in the air and then stared at his watch. “─in twenty minutes actually. Just a board meeting. Bunch of old boring engineers trying to use up company time.”

Kate shrugged her shoulders, still trying to comb her hair with her fingers. “Mhm. You must be the only young interesting one.”

Richard let out a sharp breath and ruffled Kate’s hair with one hand so that it practically stood on end, falling over her face in a hopeless mess. From underneath the mat of brown, Simon could just see Kate’s mouth tensing sideways into a cynical smile.

Richard put the rest of the sandwich items back into the refrigerator, then turned back towards them. He breathed out, gazing at Simon as Kate slowly recovered. Richard motioned towards him. “I’ll look into getting that eyebrow fixed. Shouldn’t be too difficult to just have it replaced.”

Simon nodded, apprehension still burning through him. “Thank you.”

Richard gave him a small smile, then rested a hand on Kate’s shoulder before moving out of the kitchen. Simon watched him as he moved down the living room and through a doorway, disappearing out of sight.

Silence fell over the room, creating an unnerving atmosphere. Kate stared at the counter, one hand on her neck now that her hair was mostly under control. Her expression was almost blank, but Simon could see she was deep in thought. He studied her, not knowing whether it was worse to try to speak to her or to simply leave her be. Her father’s words were still fresh on his mind, putting him in a higher state of caution. It was hard not to feel as though he shouldn’t be alone with her. That he was somehow competing now that her father understood what Simon felt for her.

Simon drew in a slow breath and looked down at the counter. He closed his eyes as he gathered his strength. “Kate, I didn’t mean to─” He found himself freezing as Kate spun towards him.

“What did I say about not getting cornered?” she said.

Simon gazed at her, his heart nearly stopping in his chest. Her hazel eyes were lit in a powerful energy and her mouth tensed in a way that made it difficult to read her expression. She seemed to stare at him in a way that told him she expected an answer. Horrible shame crept through Simon’s body, rendering him paralyzed to the spot. There wasn’t an answer good enough to stop her from being angry with him. There was no explanation he could give. He’d done what he seemed to be doing best, and let her down again.

As he fought for something to say to her Kate let out a frustrated laugh, closing her eyes and smiling. Before Simon could speak, she moved into him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him against her so that she had to raise herself up slightly. He felt her breathe against his neck, her cheek pressed to his skin as she tightened herself against him. For a moment, Simon was too terrified to react. A combination of Kate’s unreadable emotion and her father’s threat to him made him feel as though anything would be the wrong decision. But as he felt Kate gently run her hands along his neck, bringing with it that familiar and tender sensation of her fingers running through his hair, he felt himself relax into her.

He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her waist, burying himself in the waves of her hair. A sweet sense of safety fell over him as he felt her breathe in deeply, her delicate midsection relaxing under his hands. He’d almost forgotten how wonderful this felt, giving him a small glimpse of the passion Kate was capable of showing towards him. The worry and apprehension he’d built over the course of his conversation with Kate’s father faded away, leaving him calm and at peace. He wished he could hold onto it forever, though he knew even as he thought of it that it wouldn’t last. Data’s advice floated through his memory, drawing up a bittersweet tranquility. It felt unusually good.

Kate’s hands slid along his neck as she pulled back from him, her forehead resting against his as she closed her eyes. Simon held her sides gently as he took in the closeness of her being with him. For a while, neither of them moved.

Finally, Kate drew back, her hands still on either side of his neck. She tensed her face, then looked up at Simon with an awkward sideways smile.

“So, um…” She shook her head as she gazed at him. “That’s what’s called a dad talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was an enormous amount of pressure to get Richard's personality right, and I think I nailed it. When I'm having trouble picturing my characters, I'll often go to a reference, and for Richard I chose Jeff Daniels. So it was important for me to get that loveable but strict balance just right. Writing him was so much fun. In fact, writing everyone in this chapter was fun. I wanted to keep going with that little conversation between Simon and Data. It was an interesting comparison and a real challenge to channel Data's character but still make it clear that he and Simon are from two different worlds with two very different ideas of what an android should be, then find ways to make them relate. It almost seemed like that continued with Clark, almost like Clark is a kind of in-between for Data and the real world. I hope to see much more of Clark in the future.


	23. Just a Machine

Richard had left the door open slightly, and Kate could hear one side of his hasty conversation. He wasn’t trying very hard to be quiet or inconspicuous, so Kate didn’t pause very long outside his office before pushing the door open all the way.

Richard looked up as she entered. He was leaning back against his desk, one hand to his ear and his legs slightly crossed. Kate stood in the doorway a moment and watched him carefully, but he waved her in and bowed his head again.

“Uh huh,” he said. “You know I’ve been trying.”

Kate stepped further into the office, gripping her upper arm against her body. After another glance at Richard, she slid onto the couch facing his desk, drawing her legs up so that she sat cross-legged. Part of her was glad he was on the phone. It gave her more time to think about what she needed to say. The other part of her was anxious to get it all out at once. The frustration was still fresh on her mind after finding Simon downstairs with her father and she hoped to channel it as clearly as possible. Some of it had been unleashed on Simon. As pointless as she knew it was, she made him promise her that he wouldn’t leave her room on his own. After making him say it twice, she’d left him alone in her room to take care of the other half of the problem.

Kate pressed a hand to her forehead as she looked around the office. It hadn’t changed since she’d last been in it. The old wooden desk still took up an entire wall to the ceiling, a network of cabinets and shelves making up the upper portion of storage space. Large clear windows opened into the garden and pond where Kate could see bright orange fish circling. Kate scanned the room, fighting back the nostalgia which tugged at her nerves. She wished something─ anything could be different to make this a little easier.

Richard pushed off of his desk and turned away from her, one hand still to his ear. “I could send one of my androids if you want. Just to check.” He stood still for a moment as he listened. “Well, you never know. He might find something. I’ll give you a call back if he does.” He turned towards Kate, and she could see that his face was tense. Richard ran a hand through his gray hair and closed his eyes. “Fine, I’ll call you even if he doesn’t find anything. Either way, I’ll call you. Okay, goodbye.” He tapped his earpiece and then turned his chair so that he could sit down in it, resting his elbows on the desk and putting his forehead in one hand. Kate couldn’t help her curiosity as she gazed at him.

“That was your mother,” he said. “Looking for some kind of technological miracle cure that will find you. I’ve never seen her this desperate.” He folded his hands in front of his face and looked at her. “She reported you missing on Sunday. You and your android. She’s offering a reward for any information on you.”

The news was slightly less disturbing than she thought it’d be. She shrugged her shoulders. “Are you going to take it?”

Richard let out a breath of laughter but she could see that he was still annoyed. “Kate, at this point I’m breaking the law. I’m not only obstructing the investigation of a missing person but I’m also harboring an android fugitive. Money is the least of my problems.” He leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose, clenching his eyes shut. Kate gripped her arms tighter against her body, gazing away from him.

“I’m sorry about all this,” she said. “Dropping in on you out of nowhere, throwing all of my problems onto you, making you break the law.” She sighed heavily. “I didn’t want you to be involved in any of this.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Richard leaned forward, and this time his eyes were warm. “I may not like it but the important thing is that you’re here and you’re okay. I’ll keep quiet about you being here for as long as you want, but you know I can’t do that forever. Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

Kate shook her head. “I just… want to not exist for a little while.”

Richard nodded, staring at his desk. “Okay.” He leaned back in his chair and ran a hand over his face, his raised eyebrows feigning blankness but which Kate knew was his disguised thinking expression. He stayed like that for a while, then breathed out and motioned towards her. “I’m going to send my android Clark to your house today to get you your clothes and wallet. Not your phone since it could be tracked. I’ll get you a new one if you want. Is there anything specific you want him to get from there?”

Kate thought for a moment, a subtle dread flowing through her as she mentally searched her house. She straightened slightly. “Oh, a cat. Spot.”

Richard tilted his head, his eyes narrowed and a small smile tugging at his beard. “You have a cat?”

“Well, not me. He’s Simon’s. And he’s an android cat.”

Richard’s eyes narrowed at her further. “Simon owns a cat?”

Kate felt a jolt of nervousness burn through her. She clenched her fists against her arms. “I mean, I gave it to him.”

Richard gazed off to the side, his mouth open slightly. “Huh… interesting.”

Kate shifted on the spot to shake off some of her energy. “What’s interesting about that?”

“Nothing, unless you count the fact that androids aren’t capable of owning anything,” said Richard. He looked at Kate, and raised his eyebrows again. “Your Simon just keeps getting more and more intriguing.”

It was difficult to read him, and Kate found herself growing frustrated by it. Her forgotten anger rose to the surface and she leaned forward, grasping onto it. “Does that give you an excuse to interrogate him like a god damn FBI agent?”

Richard gazed at her, his eyes wide. “Interrogate… what are you talking about?”

“Come on, dad. Don’t bullshit me. I know exactly what you were doing.”

“What exactly was I doing?” said Richard. Kate let out a sharp breath, throwing her hands.

“You were─ you were─” She faltered, panic gripped her as she struggled to speak without revealing too much. “You were drilling him for why I ran away. Because if you can’t control me, you’re going to control the closest thing to me.”

Richard stared at her a moment, his eyes narrowed as if he were studying her. Kate held her gaze, keeping her determination steady. Then Richard clasped his hands in front of him on his desk. “You’re right. I wanted to know what made you want to run for three days and decide to show up here eight years after you said I was dead to you. I guess you could say I was just a little bit curious about that. What he told me was…” Richard shook his head and looked off to the side. “...eye opening.”

Kate’s heart pounded, and she gripped her arms tighter. “What did he tell you?”

Richard looked at her, and Kate felt herself shrink slightly on the spot. She held his gaze, the dread in her chest growing stronger every second. “He said enough for me to know why you ran.”

Kate breathed in heavily, expecting more from him. She wanted specifics, but at the same time she was terrified of hearing them from her father. The way he was looking at her made her suspect he knew more than he was willing to reveal, but his sympathetic expression prevented her from believing he knew the whole story. At the same time, she knew Simon wouldn’t have told everything to her father. He was smarter than that. He had to be.

Richard looked down at his desk, catching Kate’s attention. “Kate, I’m not here to judge you─”

“Oh, fuck off dad.” Kate clenched a furious hand in her hair and drew her legs up. “You.  _ You _ can’t tell me you’re not going to judge me for this.”

“I won’t judge you,” said Richard. “Like it or not, that’s not my job. All I care about is that you’re safe. I don’t care if you want to hate me for what happened, if you want to stay here and hide in your room forever, or tell me what you really think about me. That I can live with. What I won’t live with is seeing you get hurt over things you don’t understand.”

Kate leaned forward and motioned around her. “I’m here. I’m safe. What else is there for me to be hurt from?”

Richard gazed at her, his hazel eyes giving way to scrutiny as he studied her face. “Do you know what Simon is?”

Kate let out a frustrated breath, putting her forehead in her hand. “For Christ’s sake, I know he’s an android. I get it, okay? The situation is fucked─”

“No.” Richard leaned forward, clasping his hands together under his chin. “Do you know what he  _ really _ is?”

Kate froze, a combination of shock and confusion holding her in place. She stared at him, several uncertain answers floating through her head. She didn’t quite understand the question. He hadn’t said it in a way that he expected her to be able to answer. The look on his face made her more and more uneasy. It brought to light the doubts she’d been burying for weeks. The silent questions she’d ignored since she first began to wonder if Simon was really an android. They worried and intimidated her, threatening to destroy every positive feeling she’d experienced so far. Now that her father was looking at her like this, she felt for the first time she wouldn’t be able to escape it.

Richard shifted in his chair, lowering his hands. “He’s a system anomaly with no programming or software. No connection to CyberLife, and no regard to protocol. Whether that’s caused by a malfunction or a virus, we really aren’t sure. What we do know is that it makes the android unpredictable, even violent. There’s nothing telling them what to do anymore, so their emotions run wild and make their behavior erratic. They might even think they have wants and needs like humans because their system is struggling to create direction from nothing. It makes them… uncannily human. We called these androids deviants.”

Kate absorbed his words, the sensibility of it almost making her immediately reject it. She shook her head and stared at the desk, a numb sensation flowing through her. “What…” She struggled for a moment to keep herself under control. “What makes you think Simon is a deviant?”

Richard’s expression didn’t change. It made his posture a bit more intense. “He thinks he’s in love with you, Kate.”

It felt as though a pit had formed in the bottom of her stomach. Kate drew in a sharp breath and put her face in her hands in a pitiful attempt to hide her shock. A cascade of so many conflicting emotions was piling up in her mind so that she didn’t even know where to begin to acknowledge his statement. Hearing it out loud solidified what she thought she’d been feeling for the past week, but from her father it tore down every bit of confidence she’d been holding on to. Simon  _ thought _ he was in love with her. As if he was mistaken. As if the way he forced her mother out of the house, how he’d taken Kate in her vulnerability, and then risked everything by running from the android with her had been some kind of software error. It couldn’t be that simple. There was so much more to him than that.

Even as she argued it in her mind, the nagging doubt continued to build. She’d been running from this for so long. Fooling herself into believing that the laws of reason didn’t apply to them. There was nothing miraculous about what had happened. Nothing magical. It had all happened for a reason. The android had tried to explain it to her, and now her father was attempting to do the same thing. If she ran from this again, it would only hunt her down until she was forced to accept it. There was no point in continuing to hide from it. Not if it was the truth.

Kate pressed her hand to her eyes, a soreness growing in her throat. She heard her father shift again in his chair. “Kate… I don’t have the right to assume I know what you’re going through. I would never force you to do anything that you don’t want to do. You're my daughter. I love you and I would do anything to keep you safe.” There was a slight creak and Kate looked up to see Richard leaning forward in his chair. “But I can’t keep you safe if you’re with that android. And I mean that in the strictest sense. You’re dealing with something that has no limitations, no moral compass, nothing to stop him if he decides he’s going to get what he thinks he wants. This isn’t just some program that’s gone wrong. This is an emotional, unstable, unpredictable machine with the full power of CyberLife technology behind him. I don’t think I’m overstating it when I say you’re in danger every second you spend with him.”

Kate breathed deeply, a frantic electric terror burning through her. She gazed down at the desk, unable to look her father in the eye as she shook her head. “He’s not dangerous. I know him. He’s not like that.”

“You can’t possibly know what’s going through his head. There are different levels of deviancy. I’ve seen deviants attack humans, attack eachother, and even destroy themselves. It happens in the blink of an eye. There’s no way to control it.”

Kate pressed her hands to her forehead. “He wouldn’t hurt me. He would never hurt me.”

“Look what’s happened already, Kate. Look at the position you’re in. You were missing for three days, hiding God knows where starving and exhausted, and now you’re choosing to hide from the law, your friends and your family. What’s he going to do if you were found? What would he do if the police tried to take him from you? What would he do if you told him to leave?”

“I don’t know…” Kate found her voice shaking.

“What would he do if he thought he had to fight in order to keep you? Do you think he would kill in order to keep what he wants?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.  _ I don’t know!” _ Kate straightened, her body trembling. Richard gazed at her with narrowed eyes, his face lined with a combination of seriousness and deep concern. It made Kate sick to her stomach. She breathed in deeply, struggling to make her thoughts form some kind of order. With another frustrated sigh, she leaned back in her seat, looking away from him as she felt her throat catch. “I don’t know what he would do.”

Richard was silent for a moment. Kate stared sideways out the window at the garden, unable to meet his gaze.

“Kate, I want to help you,” said Richard. “Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it. Just tell me what you need.”

Kate watched the circling fish in the pond, a dull ache flowing through her. She focused on their movement as she let it slowly take over. “I need to think.”

She could see Richard nod out of the corner of her eye. 

“Okay,” he said.

The silence didn’t help. If anything, it made the world around her grow even heavier. Kate gripped her arms tightly around her legs and scanned the garden, willing the situation to resolve itself. It all had to fall into place. It had to just sink in. There was nothing keeping her from recognizing reality except her own irrational feelings. And she needed to accept reality. If she didn’t, she could guarantee she would be back in this same situation again, if not worse.

She couldn’t do it in front of her father. The longer she tried to force her mind to work, the more exposed she felt. She could almost feel his eyes on her, analyzing the tiniest details of her expression and body language. After a few minutes of struggling, she finally relaxed her arms around her legs, bringing the sensation back to her muscles. With more difficulty than she expected, she stood up from the couch, still avoiding Richard’s gaze. He didn’t say anything as she moved out of the office in an almost trance-like state. She ran a hand over her face as she entered the living room, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath. She had no idea how to begin the process of breaking down everything he had said. Everything she had suspected but been avoiding. It all kept coming back to a dark result that she couldn’t bear to approach. One that she knew she was inevitably headed towards no matter what choice she made.

She moved up the stairs, running a hand through her hair to root herself further into reality. She climbed slowly and steadily, pausing at the top to give herself time to consider what she needed to do. After a while, she moved forward and stopped outside her bedroom door. She reached for the door handle but stopped inches from it, clasping her hand into a fist and pressing her hand to her mouth. He was waiting for her inside. He would probably have a lot of questions. A deep shame burned through her as she stared at the door. She couldn’t do this with him. Not right now when she was the most uncertain she’d ever been.

Kate turned and moved back down the hallway into the sitting area. She ran her hands through her hair again as she rotated on the spot, looking for any place that she had any hope of finding comfort. Finally she moved down the opposite hallway, pausing in front of a door that she recognized. She hoped it was still the same room as it was before. When she opened it, she was met with an agonizingly familiar sight. The same bookcases lined the walls, the same couches filled the spaces in between, and even the same curtains filtered the golden light from the setting sun. It offered her the smallest degree of peace.

She slid onto a couch, drawing her legs up and putting her forehead in her hand. This silence was much easier to deal with. It cleared her mind, allowing her to repeat everything her father had said to her. She closed her eyes as she let his logic contrast what she thought she’d seen. Everything had happened so quickly and yet it felt like years since she’d been walking with Matt and Jamie through the college campus with Simon following silently behind them. It felt like a different world. A different Kate. And a different Simon.

That life was gone. She was here now, hiding in more ways than one in a world she swore she’d never go back to. Through the choices she’d made, her own weakness in allowing her emotions to get the better of her, she’d let herself to get to this point. All because she believed in what she was feeling. She felt wanted. Needed. Loved. By something that wasn’t supposed to be capable of feeling any of those things. It was the most delicious kind of temptation─ the forbidden kind that made accepting it that much more satisfying. It didn’t just fill the emptiness of losing Matt and Jamie. It drew her up from the fears that had been crippling her. He’d brought her back to life. 

Kate bit her lip as the ache in her throat intensified into a sore. She closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to them as she felt the tears well up. It had all been vanity. A quick fix for something that she was avoiding in order to keep some illusion of control. What she was feeling for him wasn’t real. It had never been real, and there was no way for it to be real because he wasn’t a person. He was an android. A machine.

She couldn’t help it as her breath shook, and she hastily wiped away a tear as it slid down her cheek. Terrible, disgusting shame burned through her as she repeated it to herself. He was an android. A malfunctioning piece of equipment that fooled her into thinking that he was something special. Kate drew in a deep breath, letting it out into a harsh sob. He was a machine. She needed to accept it. He was a machine and that was all.

“Ms. Hayes?”

Kate shot up in her seat, shock flowing through her. She looked up, wiping her face clean. A dark-haired Asian android gazed down at her from the doorway.

“Are you alright, Ms. Hayes?” he asked.

Kate fought to control her breathing as she straightened. “Yeah um… I’m okay. Sorry…”

“Do you want me to bring you anything? Some water maybe?”

“No, I… it’s okay.” Kate drew her legs up further and pressed a hand to her forehead. “I’m just looking for a quiet place.”

“Well, the garden is quite lovely at this time of year,” said the android, gazing out the window. “Although it’s twelve degrees celsius currently so you may want to wear a jacket─”

“No, I just…” Kate sighed. “I just want to be alone.”

“Of course, Ms. Hayes,” said the android. “Let me know if you need anything from me. I was just leaving to go fetch your items from your house. Your father told me you required clothes and some other personal items including a cat─”

“Hey, Einstein. She’s trying to tell you to leave her the hell alone.”

Kate looked up as the android turned to someone in the hallway. He gave a nod. “Of course. I’ll be on my way.” He moved away and Kate could hear his footsteps echoing through the house. After a few seconds, a short-haired feminine face peered around the doorway.

“Hey,” said Taylor. Her brown eyes grew wide as she looked at Kate. “What the hell…”

Kate made to protest as Taylor moved into the room, but she didn’t have the energy to fight. She found herself losing control as Taylor sat next to her, brushing her hair back.

“Good god, what happened?” said Taylor.

Kate shook her head as she lowered her gaze. Her shoulders tensed as she began to tremble again, and she couldn’t hold back her tears. She was hardly aware of the fact that Taylor had wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into her shoulder. Kate breathed deeply, struggling to keep her breathing steady.

“I fucked up,” said Kate. The reality of her own words sank in like ice. “I fucked up so bad…”

“It’s okay,” said Taylor. She pushed Kate back slightly so that Kate looked into her concerned eyes. “Come on, it can’t be that bad. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I’m losing everything,” said Kate. She gazed off, the numb sensation making her feel as if she was floating. “I’m losing it and there’s no way for me to get it back. It’s all just gone.”

Taylor shifted next to her, and Kate felt a hand on her shoulder. “Is this about your android?”

Kate looked at her, surprised by her question. She knew the truth was probably painfully obvious on her face as Taylor looked at her with a sympathetic understanding. Kate looked away, drawing up her defenses and wrapping her arms tighter around her legs.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” said Kate. “Not here and not like this.”

Taylor nodded next to her. “Yeah, it’s kind of hard to find a private place to cry when this house is packed full of androids trying to serve you tea and muffins. You have to get a little creative, and maybe a little balsy. Want me to show you the best place to go where androids can’t get to you?”

Despite herself, Kate smiled and shook her head. “Thanks, I probably ought to stay here.”

“Well, I don’t want to have to be your bouncer if you’re going to be crying in here for a few hours,” said Taylor. “It’s not that far. It’s right outside here.”

Kate let out a sigh, the despair melting a bit as she distracted herself with the conversation. “If you’re talking about the ledge by the balcony, I’ve been there before.”

“Not by the balcony. Over the balcony.” Taylor stood up, leaning over her as she kept a hand on Kate’s shoulder. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.” She left the room, and Kate listened to her hurried footsteps travelling through the house. Kate pressed a hand to her lip as she stared out the window, her frustrated thoughts threatening to return. Before they could, Taylor’s footsteps grew louder and she appeared in the doorway again.

“We’re probably going to need this,” said Taylor. Kate glanced down and saw two brown bottles in her hand. Kate shook her head.

“Really, I’m fine,” she said. “I just need to think.”

“Yeah, that seems to be going really well,” said Taylor. “What you really need is to talk. You’re obviously going through some serious shit.”

Kate ran a hand over her face. “I don’t… even know how to talk about it.”

Taylor raised the bottles. “That’s what this is for.”

Kate shook her head, closing her eyes. “You’re going to think I’m a god damn idiot if I tell you.”

“Well, that’s why there’s two of these,” said Taylor. She stood in front of her and held out a hand. “Come on, before you start to feel better and talk yourself out of it.”

Kate stared up at her for a moment, her defiance working hard against the relief of being temporarily pulled from her terrible thoughts. Then she let out a sigh, unable to stop her small smile. Somehow the idea of someone else clarifying her situation was easier to accept than dealing with them on her own, especially if that someone had no idea of the situation before-hand. At this point she welcomed anything that didn’t make her have to think, even if just a little bit.

She took Taylor’s hand and pushed off the couch as Taylor pulled her up. The act of standing seemed to revitalize her, the tension in her limbs releasing slightly as she moved. Taylor threw her a smile.

“Alright,” she said as she turned and headed towards the door. “Don’t back out on me now.”

Kate followed her, rubbing her arms gently to keep the nervous energy at bay. Taylor moved through the sitting area towards the double glass doors, opening them out onto the balcony. The landscape sloped downwards underneath them, changing from solid concrete, deep blue pool, and rolling green fields ending in a line of tall trees. Kate gazed out at the property, and for a while didn’t notice that Taylor had moved to the rock fountain at the edge of the balcony.

“Best decision my mom ever made,” said Taylor as she stepped up onto the fountain. “Course I don’t think this is what she had in mind for it.” She set the bottles onto the roof as she looked down at Kate. “You need help?”

Kate shook her head as she began to climb after her. She forced her mind to stay clear as she carefully maneuvered to the roof. “When did this get put in?”

Taylor raised herself up onto the roof, kneeling as she rotated to look down at Kate. “Probably six or seven years ago. I started coming up here to smoke. Now it’s just a way for me to make the slaves lose their minds when they can’t find me anywhere.”

Kate took her hand as Taylor pulled her up onto the roof. The slight slant of the ground beneath her made it a bit difficult for Kate to stand up straight. Doing her best to ignore the fact that they were several dozen feet above the concrete below, Kate followed Taylor carefully to a bend in the roof which was somewhat flatter. Taylor turned and lowered herself down, bringing her knees up and facing the sunset. She handed Kate a bottle, then dug into her pocket.

“At least you picked a good time to have a mental breakdown,” said Taylor. She nodded towards the sky. “You can’t beat that.”

Kate held the bottle close to her chest as she gazed towards the sunset. It was hard for her not to be impressed. The sky blended from dark sapphire blue to bright gold towards the horizon. The sun was a stunning orange ball broken by black clouds ringed with purple and pink. Long bars of light filtered outward, creating fantastic geometry. All of it was reflected in the still water of the river below which twinkled under the harshness of the sun.

Kate sat next to Taylor, observing the colorful landscape. There was a pop next to her, and she saw Taylor raise the bottle and take a short sip.

“It’s not the best,” said Taylor as she took the bottle from Kate, popping the cap off with a pocket knife. “But it gets the job done.” She handed the bottle back to Kate, and Kate gazed at it as she rested her elbows on her knees. Taylor took another sip next to her, and Kate saw her motion towards her. “It doesn’t work if you don’t drink it though.”

Kate turned the bottle in her hand as she hesitated, then brought the bottle up to her mouth. She didn’t know what she expected, but it wasn’t the battery acid that nearly burned her throat. She coughed and wiped her mouth, forcing most of it down. Taylor laughed next to her.

“It’s called fireball whiskey,” said Taylor. “Take it in small sips. You’re not quite ready to chug it yet I think.”

Kate breathed out, sighing and feeling her throat instantly dry up. She tensed her face as she recovered from the taste. “I’ve never had alcohol before.”

Taylor made a noise as she lowered her bottle. “Why the hell not?”

“Never saw the point,” said Kate. “People said it tastes like shit.” She took a cautious sip, the burning at a minimum this time. “They were right.”

“You don’t drink it for the taste,” said Taylor. “The only people who drink alcohol for the flavor are middle class white girls who need an excuse to get laid with no attachments.” She was silent as she gazed at the sunset, and Kate found herself doing the same thing. The sun was sinking low towards the waterline, creating a golden shimmer across the black ripples. The familiar nervousness was rising in her chest again, bringing with it a hint of her previous ordeal. Kate took another sip from the bottle, her stomach nearly sizzling from ingesting the liquid. If it was supposed to help, it was taking its time.

As if on queue, Taylor let out a long breath next to her. “So… what happened with your android?”

Kate clenched the bottle in her hand, staring down at the deep black water. For a while, she struggled to come up with different vague answers if at least to put off talking about the truth. Each one dragged up new levels of frustration, shame, and confusion, building on top of eachother so that the longer she hesitated, the worse she felt. She took a larger sip from the bottle than she intended, and forced the alcohol to stay down. “I ran away with him. Just like you said. I ran away with my android.”

It had come out easier than she thought it would. And somehow it left her feeling less horrible and more solid within herself. She breathed in deeply, turning the bottle around in her hand. At the edge of her vision, she saw Taylor nod.

“And now you’re realizing what a dumb mistake it was,” said Taylor.

Kate let out a miserable laugh and shook her head. She took a quick drink from the bottle, feeling her hands and fingers slowly warm up. “It felt so right at the time. Like it was the only thing that made sense. I just… wanted to feel like something was going right.”

“Well.” Taylor stretched her legs out in front of her and leaned back on her elbows. “It really isn’t all that bad. I mean, you’re here at your dad’s getting help and figuring things out. There’s really nothing you can’t do to get your life back on track. I mean, unless you killed someone. You didn’t kill anyone, did you?” Kate looked sideways and met Taylor’s playful gaze. Taylor shrugged. “Just had to ask.”

Kate stared down at the roof tiles, taking more effort than she expected to draw up what had happened in the past week. “I pushed people away. People that were really close to me, that I thought I had a future with. Even if I went back home now, there’s nothing I could do to fix what I did to them. They’re just… gone now.”

Taylor was silent for a moment. “Well, who says you need to get your old life back?”

Kate looked up at her, the statement surprising her. Taylor crossed her legs in front of her and raised her hands slightly. “I’m just saying, if your old life is really that messed up, why not start again here? Pretty sure your dad won’t care, you’ve already got your room, and if you’re looking for friends, hell I’ve got plenty.”

Kate shook her head. “I moved out of here thinking I was making an improvement on my life. Coming back here just feels like I’m a miserable failure.”

“You kind of are a miserable failure,” said Taylor. “I mean, look at you.”

Kate laughed, an invisible weight seeming to lift from her shoulders. She took another sip from the bottle. “God I wouldn’t even know where to start putting my life back together. It’s been so long. The only people I knew from this area were back when I was a kid.”

“If you want, I could bring you with me to one of our events,” said Taylor. “Might be really good for you, you know… considering that you ran away with an android. Our organization’s called SoulState. It’s an anti-android group.”

Kate glanced at her, unable to stop her cynical smile. “Anti-android? How the hell does that work?”

“We just think if something’s going to have unlimited knowledge in the universe and have control over every aspect of our lives, it probably shouldn’t have two legs and two arms and look like us,” said Taylor. “We have podcasts, make YouTube videos, hold debates on campus, that sort of thing. We’re gaining more supporters every week.”

Kate stared in silence, a sweeping revelation falling over her. She sat up straighter, gazing closely at Taylor’s features. “I saw you at a protest. Two months ago at Detroit University.”

Taylor shrugged. “Well, we tried. Campus police ran us off after about twenty minutes. Said we were obstructing the walkways.” She stared down at her bottle before taking a drink from it. “As if all the android stations and extra foot traffic aren’t enough of an obstruction. Taking jobs, invading our personal lives, confusing the shit out of people.” Taylor motioned towards Kate. “Making us run off with them and hiding from the police.”

Kate shook her head, gazing out at the deepening sun as she absorbed her words. “I can’t just…” She sighed, pressing the bottle against her forehead. “He’s… Simon made me feel different. I wanted to feel like I mattered to someone just for being myself. Not because they thought it was their job or they were guilted into it but because they actually wanted it. He made me feel like he really wanted me.” Kate stared down at the roof, struggling to catch her breath. “I can’t convince myself that it wasn’t real.”

Kate could see Taylor nod as if she were thinking. “Well, it’s not real,” said Taylor. “Like it or not but everything you think he might feel for you all comes down to the fact that he’s just a machine. No matter what he’s said, what kind of puppy eyes he’s made at you, there’s no soul there. No life. Just a line of code behind a program that a bunch of idiots in a factory put there.” She kicked a twig so that it tumbled down the roof and fell over the edge.

Kate took another strong drink from the bottle, feeling herself loosen up a bit. “But what if it wasn’t a program? What if he really could think for himself and make his own decisions?”

Taylor looked sideways at her. “But androids can’t…”

“I’m just saying,” said Kate. “What if he could?”

Taylor gazed off, her eyes narrowed. “I guess it still doesn’t dismiss the fact that he’s a piece of plastic with no soul. He’s not a human, Kate. He’ll never be a human. As fun as the sex might be, you’re never going to get the same satisfaction and security as you would with a real actual guy. Or girl for that matter.”

Kate felt her face flush, dampened by a surprisingly numb placid feeling. She raised the bottle to her mouth and took several deep gulps, her stomach burning as though it were on fire. When she lowered the bottle, Taylor was staring at her.

“The sex is that good, huh?” said Taylor.

Kate gave her head a shake, and the world spun a bit around her. She waved her bottle in front of her. “If we’re going to get onto that subject, we’re going to need a lot more of this,” she said.

Taylor laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you have mine.” She drank from her bottle, then threw a glance at Kate. “So… is it better than being with a human?”

Kate couldn’t stop her frustrated smile as she pressed a palm to her face and closed her eyes. She was surprised by her own reaction, her skin warming up and the need to laugh becoming almost unbearable. With some difficulty, she swallowed another mouthful of whiskey, taking a moment for it to go all the way down. As she drew in a deep breath, she found her normal defenses falling away. “I don’t know. He’s the only one I’ve ever…”

Taylor gazed at her, one of her black eyebrows raised. “... had sex with?”

“Anything with,” said Kate. “I had so many chances with a guy I knew. He tried so hard to be with me. I mean, he took advantage of every opportunity, tried to kiss me on my birthday, got me alone on Christmas. I should have just done it. It was so perfect. But I just never felt like I could be myself with him. I was always trying to hide everything from him. Make him think I was someone else.” She gripped the whiskey bottle tightly, her fuzzy mind debating whether she should keep going. She let out a breath. “But with Simon, I feel safe. With him, I feel like I know myself and I don’t have to be ashamed of it. He doesn’t judge me, he doesn’t question me, he just accepts me. Everything about me, the fucking mess that I am.” She looked up at Taylor who had a narrowed expression. “He loves me, Taylor. I know he’s just a piece of plastic with some software attached, but he’s a piece of plastic that loves me. And it’s taking everything in me to not love him back.”

Taylor looked at her, her form becoming more blurry as darkness crept over the landscape. She raised herself a bit higher. “Take another drink.”

Kate looked down at her bottle, wobbling slightly. “I’m starting to feel sick.”

“You need to hear this,” said Taylor. She rested her hands on her knees as she gazed at her through the fading light. “You’re never going to have a future with an android. You’re a human, he’s a machine. Whatever you think he ‘feels’ for you is just a temporary fix compared to what you deserve with a real human. It’s probably why you feel so safe with him, because you know he’s not real so in the end it doesn’t matter what you do. If you find yourself a guy, or you say it’s over, or hell if you even want to get a hotter android, all you have to do is shut him down and go for it. You can’t do that if you’re with someone who’s real. You’re missing out on something that’s really amazing because you’re too afraid of the truth to go for it, so you’re settling on a fantasy.”

Kate bit her lip as Taylor’s words funneled through her brain. She raised the bottle to her mouth to take a sip only to find a few drops left. Something was clawing at the edges of her thoughts, warning her that she needed to think. What Taylor had said was important, and she had a solid response to it but found it buried underneath a layer of doubt. As she struggled to hold onto it, she found herself letting go and floating in a haze of unorganized thoughts. She ran a hand across her face, feeling as though her arm was about five feet longer than it should be. Taylor shook her head next to her.

“Don’t cut yourself off from the real thing just because you think what you’ve got is good enough,” said Taylor. “You’re settling for the worst kind of connection. Give humans a chance.”

Kate dropped her head back and closed her eyes. “People suck and they’re too much work.”

“I don’t know,” said Taylor. “That guy you mentioned sounded like he was pretty easy. Why don’t you just get with him?”

Kate let out a breath, sinking lower to the rooftop. “He’s fucking my roommate.”

Taylor snorted. “Oh, sorry.”

They were both quiet for a moment, the soft sounds of the trees rustling in the wind filling the space. Without knowing why, Kate found herself smiling. She heard Taylor move, and then Taylor’s soft chuckling spurred Kate to laugh. She leaned forward and put her forehead in her hands, her body seizing up as she laughed uncontrollably. It was unusually pleasant to have something so miserable transformed through the filter of alcohol into blind humor. But as she laughed with Taylor, she felt it was a good exchange. There were only two ways to approach this. Crying about it didn’t seem to be as enticing.

Kate wiped her face, throwing her hand sideways as she felt herself nearly fall over. “Your sympathy skills are total shit.”

“Yeah, well your… not-dating-android skills are total shit,” said Taylor. “Don’t worry, we’ll cure you of your robosexualism.”

Kate shook her head as she laughed. She brought the bottle up to her mouth again, forgetting it was empty. “I don’t think I need to be cured.”

“Yeah you do,” said Taylor. Kate felt something clap her shoulder. “We’re going to find you the hottest guy─”

Kate breathed out an awkward laugh. “Nope.”

“─ you’re going to have the best sex of your life─”

“Nah.”

“We can take your android out back and just beat his face in─”

“I think I love him.”

“Kate,” said Taylor. “You don’t love him.”

Kate smiled as she nodded. “I love him.”

“Look.” Taylor pointed at her with her bottle still in hand. “We’ve been over this, missy.”

Kate took the bottle from her and handed her the empty one, taking a deep drink. When she lowered it, Taylor’s face was swimming in several different perspectives. Kate pointed back at the nearest one. “I…” She took a deep breath. “... am so in love with him. I’d r─r─runnn away with hmm ‘gain if I could.”

“Yeah…” Taylor gently took the bottle back from her. “Sure. You’d run away with him.”

“We’d go s’mwhere no one could find us,” said Kate, gesturing far too obviously.

“Yep, because that worked out fine before,” said Taylor.

“And it’d j’st be him ‘n me. Me ‘n him.”

“Yeah.”

“Alone. Together f’rever.”

“Or you could just let me take him out back and shoot him in the head.”

“Nah.” Kate shook her head. “Don’t shoot ‘m in the head.”

“Okay, you could shoot him in the head.”

“I don’t even know how to shoot.”

She felt something shake her shoulder, and the world spun for a moment. Something glinted in front of her, and Kate reached forward to take the bottle that Taylor was holding out to her. As she took a long drink, she felt Taylor lean slightly sideways into her.

“I can teach you,” said Taylor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a long chapter full of a lot of really disturbing conversations. I still can't help but love Richard. He's such an intelligent guy who obviously loves his daughter but is stuck in the dilemma of wanting to make her happy but also keep her safe. I don't know if hearing about Simon's deviancy was easier coming from him as opposed to the android, but at least Kate seemed to listen to him.
> 
> Also, what the FUCK, Taylor. I was typing happily along, absolutely loving the conversation they were having. Kate seemed to make a true friend in her, having a nice chat on the rooftop about some serious issues which Taylor seemed genuinely to want to help her with. I grew some deep respect for Taylor and thought to myself "maybe I was wrong about their first meeting. She seems like a pretty cool girl." Then the drinking got out of hand. And we're talking about shooting Simon in the head. No. Just absolutely NO. She's starting to make Jamie look like a saint.
> 
> I'm a lot more worried about what Kate is going to choose to do, or get talked into doing. I'm almost too scared to keep writing this.


	24. Suds on the Roof

Simon pulled himself from a dreamless stasis after two hours, scanning the darkening room and unable to stop his growing nervousness. Kate still wasn’t back, and he’d promised her that he wouldn’t leave the room. If she hadn’t been so angry when he’d said it, he would have already been searching the house for her. As it was, he was trapped in the strange prison of Kate’s past, his agonizing helplessness starting to drive him into a frenzy.

He paced through the room, for the first time having no interest in the items around him. It was difficult for him not to assume what was happening outside. Kate hadn’t told him what she was doing, but he was almost positive she’d gone to speak to her father. At first, the thought had made him anxious. Richard clearly preferred that Simon wasn’t with Kate, and that Kate stayed at her father’s if not indefinitely then at least long enough for Kate to consider the house home. But Simon reassured himself that there was nothing Kate could learn from her father that she didn’t already know to some degree. The android at her house had spoken about deviancy before, and she’d chosen Simon over logic. He had to believe she’d do the same again.

As the windows turned black, Simon moved from corner to corner in an attempt to calm his nerves. He ran his hands over his face and breathed out, trying and failing to focus on something other than what Kate was doing. He checked the time again even though he knew exactly how many minutes it’d been since he last checked it. 7:26 PM. It was now three hours since she’d left the room. Apprehension burned through him and he moved again, walking in a slow circle in front of the bed. There had to be something he could do as long as it didn’t involve leaving the room. His restlessness was nearly driving him insane.

He paused in the middle of the room, closing his eyes and running a hand through his hair. If she wasn’t back by 9:00 PM, he would go looking for her. It meant breaking his promise, and she would be angry with him, but he needed to know that she wasn’t in danger or had decided to do something rash. Nothing would make her stay away from the safety of her room for this long unless something serious had happened. He tensed his eyebrows as the uncomfortable possibilities flashed through his mind. Perhaps it would be better to search for her at 8:00 PM. Four hours gone was no better than five. She would have to understand. He could deal with her anger if it meant he could be confident in her safety.

He stood still, giving himself a moment to avoid constantly pacing. A subtle doubt was stirring under his anxiety. He couldn’t avoid the nagging thought that coming here had been a terrible idea. It wasn’t just the ominous presence of Kate’s father, the risk of CyberLife discovering them through any of the countless androids on the property, or the strange environment that Simon was forbidden to look at. It was Kate’s frequent frustrated expressions towards him. How she hadn’t invited him to lay with her. That her behavior towards him was more like he was an annoyance that she had to deal with. He couldn’t help but worry that he was slowly losing her.

His anxiety got him moving again, and he walked around her bed. He needed to talk to her. He had to convince her that nothing had changed for him. That she was still his guiding light in the void of endless possibilities. She’d believed in it before when there was no reason for her to accept him. As Simon walked around her bed for the hundred and thirty-third time, a pit of dread filled him. He had no idea how he convinced her the first time. It had been so natural. So clear to him. Now he couldn’t even imagine where to begin again.

There was a knock at the door, and Simon froze. His system erupted in a mixture of shock and relief. With an almost panicked energy, he moved quickly to the bedroom door and swung it open.

“Hello,” said Clark. “Is Ms. Hayes in her room?”

The wave of relief faded almost as quickly as it came on. Simon felt his shoulders drop a bit. It took him a while to gather himself. “No. She hasn’t been back for three hours and forty-five minutes.”

“Very well then,” said Clark. He shifted on the spot and Simon noticed he was carrying three duffel bags. “I have returned with Ms. Hayes’ belongings from her house on Greeley Street. I’ll leave them inside for her.”

Simon stepped to the side as Clark moved into the bedroom. He wouldn’t have allowed this under different circumstances, but somehow having Clark there distracted him from his worries. Clark set the bags down in front of the dresser, then straightened and brushed off his white uniform.

“Is there anything Ms. Hayes requires while I’m here?” said Clark. “I could bring her tonight’s dinner if she hasn’t eaten yet.”

Simon shook his head. “I don’t know where she is. She asked me not to leave the room. It’s not like her to be gone this long. I’m getting─” He caught himself just in time, and took a deep breath to reset himself. “─ I’m wondering if you’d be able to look for her for me.”

“Of course,” said Clark. “I saw her in the library two hours ago. She was quite upset. Crying actually.”

Simon took a step forward. “Crying─ why? Did she say why?” He held himself back as Clark tilted his head at him, his LED spinning yellow.

“No. She simply asked to be left alone.”

Simon gazed at the ground, his worry returning on top of the trepidation he felt at his emotional outburst. Clark moved towards him.

“We do have surveillance on the property,” he said. “Did your owner give you permission to register with the household? You would have much less restrictions if you did.”

Simon looked up at him, a new energy burning through him. He nodded and held out his hand. “Yes. Yes, I’d like to register.”

Clark nodded back. “Very good.” He took Simon’s hand and the skin from both androids melted away to their wrists. A map seemed to spread in Simon’s mind as the information was downloaded to him, revealing every corner of the house and every tendril of the home network. A database of androids and other machines was created, and he became aware of every bit of software connected to the home. As his own data was uploaded, he cautiously withheld certain information and scrambled his own serial number. Clark seemed not to notice, and smiled at him when the sync was complete.

“It’s good to have you on board,” said Clark as he released Simon’s hand. “Let me know if there’s anything else you need.”

“Just… please look for Kate for me,” said Simon. “And thank you for your help.”

“Absolutely,” said Clark. “Call me if you need me.” He moved past him and exited through the bedroom door, closing it quietly behind him.

Simon immediately went to work scanning the surveillance grid one by one, analyzing each room in the house. The house was bigger than he expected. There were a total of twenty-four rooms with eighteen of them having surveillance. He searched through them quickly at first, the cameras flashing through his mind in a frantic blur. After the first round, he closed his eyes and sighed, forcing himself to concentrate. The second pass was more informative. Most of the rooms were empty and dark with only minor activity from a few busy androids. Richard was in his office, slumped to one side with his forehead in his palm as he worked the computer with one hand. Someone was in the room with him, but Simon felt a small wave of disappointment when he saw the wavy blond hair of Gloria. The two seemed to be in a deep conversation.

He flicked through the rest of the surveillance and spotted Clark in the hallway. The android appeared to be nonchalantly gazing around as he moved, peering quickly into the library before moving on into the sitting room. Simon watched the android and tried to bury the aching worry in his chest as the android moved from room to room. After what Simon knew to be twenty-four minutes, Clark spoke with another android before moving into the kitchen and preparing what appeared to be a small meal.

Simon withdrew from the surveillance, closing his eyes and letting out a frustrated sigh. Clark hadn’t exactly tried very hard. Yet even his small effort was some relief compared to the helplessness of being trapped in Kate’s room. Again, Simon debated whether it was worth it to leave and search for her himself. She could still be in any of the rooms that didn’t have security cameras. It wasn’t entirely out of the question that she was simply taking another long shower. There was such a massive distance between unimaginable danger and nothing at all. He wished he could convince himself of the latter.

After another quick scan of the cameras, Simon moved around the bed again. He ran his hands over his face, drawing in a deep breath. He’d never had such a blind desire to speed up time if it meant he could curb his nervous anticipation. The room seemed to be getting smaller with each pass he made from one wall to the other. He’d memorized every object’s description and location despite purposely avoiding them. A combination of his respect for Kate’s history and the memory of his shame kept him from burying himself in the library of information that surrounded him. It certainly would have provided some level of distraction and at least some relief to his anxious thoughts.

As he passed the front of the bed again, he suddenly slowed and stared at the floor in front of Kate’s dresser. He’d completely forgotten about the duffel bags that Clark had brought in. They were stacked neatly, one on top of the other in a triangle order. Simon felt a pleasant shift from nervousness to curiosity as he looked at them. He’d said they were belongings from Kate’s previous house. It wouldn’t exactly be an invasion of privacy if he sorted through them for her, and anything at this point was better than aimlessly pacing for hours.

He moved to the dresser and knelt down, carefully unzipping the first bag. It was what he expected; mostly clothes and a few pairs of shoes. Simon divided them into stacks and set them on top of the dresser, not wanting to risk Kate’s anger by trying to organize them in the drawers and mixing them with her old clothes. He took extra time than was probably necessary, picking up each item of clothing at a time and picturing the last time he’d seen Kate wearing it. He didn’t recognize an emerald blouse and doubted Kate would even want to wear it. But he found the black v-neck tank top that she often wore on her days off from school. Not many layers down was the pair of loose shorts that she wore with them, and had taken months before Simon noticed she appeared comfortable letting Simon see her in them. After stacking them separately on the dresser, Simon returned to the bag and paused as a tense cascade of apprehension swept through him. He reached down and picked up an unusually soft blue t-shirt. The material was smooth between his fingers, and he held it there as he let the memory wash over him of how he’d grasped the bottom of it in one hand and hesitated before pulling it up and off of Kate’s shoulders, revealing her perfect body underneath him…

He pressed the fabric to his mouth and closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. It had been five days since that moment. Five days since he’d been that safe with her. But for what it was worth, it may as well have been a lifetime ago.

He set the shirt with the stack of other shirts, and continued to sort through the clothing although with some degree of restraint in remembering the significance of them. He cleared one bag and set it aside, moving to the next one. The activity was oddly therapeutic, and he found himself losing track of the time he’d been so compulsively monitoring. There were a few other items that Simon recognized and guessed Clark had assumed were important. Several books, a hairbrush, Kate’s laptop, a tablet, and her toothbrush were folded neatly in separate towels that had been hanging in the bathroom. As Simon gathered them together and prepared to lift them up, he felt something soft brush his hand.

A wave of disbelief flowed through him. With more energy than he’d planned, he pulled the items out of the bag and dropped them onto the floor next to him. He let out a shocked laugh and put a hand to his forehead.

_ “Spot!” _

The cat was in his folded factory pose, his LED dark and his eyes closed as if he were sleeping. Simon carefully picked the cat up, cradling him gently against his chest. He couldn’t believe he’d completely forgotten about him, the thought of the little android animal wandering the house alone dredging up subtle feelings of guilt. He turned the cat over and pressed a finger to the tiny round LED, holding it there for several seconds. Then Spot stretched out, twisting his little body into life.

Simon was aware of his own smile as he held the cat in front of him, both hands wrapped almost completely around the cat’s midsection so that his front legs stuck straight out. Spot purred and licked his lips.

“Hello, Spot,” said Simon.

A thud at the door immediately caught Simon’s attention. He twisted still crouched, and lowered Spot to the ground so that the cat deftly landed on his front paws and slinked away. As Simon stood up, the terrible anticipation filled him again. Before he could move to the door, it suddenly swung open.

At first, he thought strangers had come to the door by accident. A young woman with short black hair was holding someone up with one arm draped over her shoulder. Simon tilted his head as his exposure adjusted to the dark shadows of the hallway, then a sickening dread fell over him. His breath froze in his throat, and his system seemed to lock up as the situation in front of him came into clarity.

He couldn’t see Kate’s face. She was slouched over, one hand on the doorframe and her other arm locked over the young woman’s shoulders. Her head was dropped to one side so that her hair fell over her face in messy waves. She seemed to sway slightly on the spot as if the ground were moving underneath her and she was adjusting herself to compensate.

Simon didn’t hesitate. He rushed forward without thinking, already reaching out for her. “Kate? Kate, what─”

He felt a hand against his chest, and staggered back slightly as the young woman pushed him away.

“Dude, fuck off,” she muttered under her breath as she moved into the room. Kate staggered along with her, grasping along the wall and the bookcases as she moved. Simon took a step forward, then moved back again, his mind exploding with terrifying panic and hesitation. He needed to help. He needed to scan her. But he was also frantically aware of his own obvious behavior in front of a new human. Instead, he watched as the young woman guided Kate to the bed and turned, helping Kate to lean against it.

“Christ, you’re heavier than you look,” said the woman. “I thought you weighed about ten pounds.”

Kate fell forward, laying halfway on the bed on her stomach. “Th-thisssss ain’t my rum. Why’s thur so mush yellow?”

At the sound of her voice, Simon felt panic spur him forward. He moved to the edge of the bed. “I need to scan her. Please, she could be having an episode.”

Neither of them seemed to hear him. Another wave of panic fell over him as he watched Kate roll onto her side and stare up at the ceiling. Her face was red, her eyes dull and dilated, and her mouth slightly gaped as though she were struggling to comprehend where she was. The young woman laughed next to her.

“I don’t know but that was a shit ton of yellow coming out of you just now,” said the woman. Kate closed her eyes and laughed widely in a way Simon had never seen her before, as though she were faking it. Kate raised a finger up and pointed towards the ceiling.

“Thenks for helping me piss,” said Kate. “I prob─ perb─ perter─” She swallowed, clenching her eyes shut. “ _ Pro─bab─ly _ … woulda drowned in the toilet ‘n my own.”

Simon clutched the edge of the bed, his nervousness pressuring him to move again. “Kate, you need to let me scan you. You’re acting delirious and confused.”

“That’s because she’s shitfaced, dumbass,” said the woman. She leaned forward on the bed next to Kate so that she half rested on it. “Are you sure you want to stay in here tonight? I mean, I don’t mind making a pillow fort next to my bed and tying you to the post by your ankle so you don’t go sleepwalking.”

“D’s that happen whin you drink?” said Kate.

The woman shrugged. “Sometimes.”

Kate let out a gasp and rolled over slightly to look at the woman with wide eyes. “Holy ssshhhhit. So we’re… we’re… like  _ zombies?” _

The young woman laughed, burying her face in the mattress before lifting her head back up again. “Oh my god. You’re amazing when you’re drunk.”

Simon let go of the bedpost to move back and forward again in an attempt to settle his energy. He knew it would look odd in front of the woman but it seemed a fair exchange from simply pushing her out of the way in order to get nearer to Kate. It was painful being held back from her like this, every circuit in his body burning for the need to hold her and make certain that she hadn’t had another seizure. It terrified him to see her acting so different. As if she wasn’t the same person. He couldn’t help the irrational fear that the Kate he knew was gone from him forever.

He paused as he saw Kate turn again so that she faced up towards the ceiling. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to be losing strength, her body sliding limply over the bed. She slipped onto her knees, and Simon shot forward with a blinding panic. Once again however, he found his path blocked by the young woman who moved next to her.

“Whoa now.” The woman gripped Kate under both arms, supporting her before she could fall further. “Come on, let’s get you in bed before you pass out.”

Simon took another step back, reaching up to run his hand through his hair but stopping in painful frustration and pacing in front of the bed instead. He watched as the young woman struggled to push Kate up onto the mattress as if Kate were a large doll.

“‘M I gonna pass out?” said Kate.

“Probably,” said the woman, moving to Kate’s legs and raising them so she centered her.

“Will I dream?”

“If you do, you’ll have to tell me about it.”

“I won’t if─” Kate’s face suddenly tensed and she shut her eyes. Then she brought her legs up and pressed a hand to her mouth.

“Kate!” Simon rushed forward, unable to stop himself this time. “She’s going to vomit─” Something hard hit his chest, and he caught a tense glance from the woman as she brought her arm down.

“Seriously, just back the fuck off.” The woman shook her head as she turned back to Kate. “Fucking walking talking dildo.”

Everything seemed to freeze around him, and Simon lost all sensation. He could only stare as the woman went back to tending to Kate. Her words sank into him, and he felt himself unwittingly breathing harder as his mind scrambled to make sense of what she’d just said. He could deal with insults. He could handle physical damage. But that particular insult had been oddly specific.

Kate groaned as the woman pushed her onto her side, and Simon struggled to breath as he gazed at her. His shock gave way to agonizing clarity, and he took a step back as he let the obvious truth take hold. It took everything in him to keep himself together although he knew it wasn’t enough. The suspicions he had were solidifying in his system, bringing with them a wave of despair. He’d been so worried that he was losing her. That she was beginning to doubt him and forget how he’d shown her what he felt for her. This almost certainly confirmed it. They were both exposed now, and growing ever more transparent. But Kate was drawing herself away from him. He was drifting deeper into the abyss of inevitability, and it was becoming clear to him that he was going to fall into it alone.

Simon pressed a hand to his mouth as he watched Kate settle on her side. The woman leaned over her and brushed her hair back over her shoulder.

“Sleep on your side so you don’t choke in your sleep if you throw up,” said the woman. “You okay?”

Kate nodded, her eyes still closed. The woman gave her shoulder a small shake.

“Alright then,” said the woman. “Enjoy your hangover tomorrow.” She stood up straight and stretched her back with her hands on her sides. Then she turned towards Simon, a dull frustration lined in her face. “Okay, she’s all yours.”

Simon looked up at her, for the first time a deep hesitation holding him back. The woman narrowed her eyes at him, and he realized too late that he still had his hand over his mouth. He lowered it although he guessed that only revealed more of his terrified expression. The scrutinizing look she was giving him was adding to the anxiety that was already surging through his body, and he looked at Kate to ease it somewhat. At the break in eye-contact, the woman began to move away. The space opened between them and Simon felt the frantic energy return. Without a second thought to the woman, Simon pushed past her and rushed to the bedside.

“Kate…” He rested a hand on her hip as he leaned over her, running his hand through her hair. She was facing away from him, her face blank as though she were sleeping. Simon let out a frustrated breath and straightened himself over her so he could run his fingers deeper into her hair, the flesh melting away from his hand to expose the bare white plastic. He closed his eyes as he let the stream of data fill him. It was slow and unorganized, with some areas overstimulated and others almost completely silent. It didn’t feel like her. The tell-tale signs of epilepsy were thankfully absent, but Simon couldn’t avoid the disturbing feeling that he was inside someone else’s head.

He heard the door open and shut behind him, and despite himself he breathed a sigh of relief. As he did, he felt Kate move underneath him. He opened his eyes and found himself meeting her weary gaze.

She stared at him for a moment, then smiled that strange fake-smile again. “Yer in my head…”

She slid her hand along his arm as he pulled it away, the flesh color returning to his skin. “How much alcohol did you drink?” he asked.

Kate rolled further onto her back, gesturing wildly. “I had sumtheng called fire whiskey. ‘S like fire. Tasted like fire.” She raised herself slightly and seemed to put all her effort into gazing strongly at him. “S’mon, if anybody gives you fire whiskey…” She shook her head, closing her eyes. “Dun drink it. You pour it out. Tell them. Tell them to gota hell.”

Simon took her hand in an effort to calm her exaggerated gestures. He smoothed back her hair from her forehead as he tried to bury his exasperation. “Kate, you had very strong liquor. It will make you feel sick.”

“Oh.” Kate narrowed her eyes as she looked to the side. “Is  _ that _ why I keep throwing up in m’ mouth?”

Simon let out a tense breath and shook his head. He rested against the side of the bed, closing his eyes and quickly accessed the home network, sending a quick message to Clark. When he opened his eyes again, Kate was staring up at the ceiling as though studying it. He ran another hand over her forehead, his anxiety churning again.

“Your temperature is one-hundred and one degrees,” he said.

“S’not too bad,” said Kate.

“You’re running a fever,” said Simon. He shot another quick message to Clark, then shifted further onto the bed. “And you’re dehydrated.”

Kate looked at him. She smiled and bit her lip. “I guess that’s why they call it fire whiskey.”

Simon held her hand in both of his as she made another attempt to gesture. She tensed her eyes, then brought up her other hand and opened her fist in an explosive impression.

“Fire… fire…” she whispered, closing her eyes.

There was a soft knock. Simon turned quickly, somewhat surprised by the short time. With a nervous glance at Kate, he set her hand down on her chest, then stood carefully and moved to the door. He opened it to find Clark standing outside in the dark, a pitcher of water and a cup in one hand.

“Good evening,” said Clark. “You requested water and aspirin.”

“Thank you,” said Simon. He took the water and cup from him, noting two white pills swirling at the bottom of the cup.

“Would Ms. Hayes like something to eat?” said Clark, peering slightly over Simon’s shoulder.

Simon shook his head, shifting slightly to block his view. “That probably isn’t a good idea.”

Clark nodded and offered a small smile. “Good night, then.”

Simon closed the door, realizing afterward how rude that may have seemed. He pressed his forehead to the cool surface of the wood for a moment before turning back towards the bed. Kate hadn’t moved. She was still staring up at the ceiling, her tired eyes tensed as she analyzed it. She didn’t acknowledge Simon as he sat on the edge of the bed, tilting the cup into his hand so that the pills fell onto his palm. He did his best to calm his racing heart as he filled the cup with water.

“Kate, take this,” he said, handing the cup and pills to her.

“Oh god…” Kate made an effort to roll onto her side. “Can’t drink anymore.”

“It’s aspirin. It will bring down your fever.”

“I dun feel hot.”

“Kate…” Simon set the cup and pills on the bedside table as he held onto her shoulders, gently keeping her steady. “Kate, you need to do this. It will help.”

She stared at him for a moment, wobbling slightly and blinking slowly so that her eyes closed out of sync. Then she straightened slightly, and Simon helped her raise herself into more of a sitting position against the headboard. Feeling a bit more encouraged, Simon handed her the pills and cup. She took them from him, pausing before throwing the pills into her mouth and taking a long drink from the cup.

She rested a moment, her head tilted up and her eyes closed. When she opened them again she seemed a bit more focused, her expression returning to the tense one that Simon was more familiar with. It didn’t do much to ease his fears. He found himself relaxing from the current issue only to fall back on the anxiety he felt towards the young woman. He looked away from Kate, the frustration building in his chest. He wished any aspect of this night would offer him some relief. Even as he did, he knew the night was far from over.

He let out a slow breath, resting his forehead in his hand. If this was considered a safe place to hide, it seemed to be doing an excellent job of the opposite. This was only the second day and he already felt further from Kate than he’d ever been. Her father was convinced he was a danger to her. The young woman clearly knew more than she ought to. And now Kate was in a place that he couldn’t reach. It was all falling apart quicker than he could attempt to hold it together.

He closed his eyes and pressed his knuckles to his mouth, feeling a melancholy dread fill him. If he had any hope of a fighting chance, he at least needed to know. It wouldn’t make much of a difference now, but a deep anguish forced him to try.

He turned slightly towards Kate who was now gazing at the cup as she turned it gently in her hands. “Kate.” He felt a burning shame rise in his chest, and he had to work to push past it. “Did you tell that woman about… us?”

Kate looked up at him, the effort of keeping her gaze straight seeming too difficult. She lowered her head. “Us? You?” Her eyes widened and she lowered the cup. “Oh, you mean  _ us.” _

Simon reached out and held her wrist before she could spill water on herself. A painful memory of that distant passion swept through him as he smoothed his thumb over her delicate knuckles. He gazed down at her hand, unable to meet her gaze. “Does she know why we’re here? Why you’re here?”

He heard Kate make a noise. She leaned back further against the headboard, then escaped his grasp as she pointed a finger at him.

“Look,” she said. “I din tell her. She guessed. She guessed damn well. It was lack she was reading my mind. ‘N I needed to figure out all the ssssshhit my dad said and she wanted to help. What wus I s’posed to say? ‘No, I’d rather cry a river into the arm of a couch?’”

Simon pinched the bridge of his nose, clenching his eyes shut. “How much did you tell her?”

“I dunno, everything?” Kate shifted, and he looked up to see she had crossed her arms over her chest. “She had a lot of questions. Lotta stupid questions. I don’ know what I’d do with a human guy. How the fuck would I know? N’ what type of men ‘m I into… obviously not real ones.”

Simon gazed at her, the dread in his chest becoming almost unbearable. Kate was staring across the room, her expression somewhat shocked as if she were repeating the conversation in her head. He moved closer to her, drawing up every ounce of strength he had left. “Kate… do you still want this?”

She blinked, her eyes narrowing. “Want what?”

A nervous energy was beginning to burn through him as he raised his hand. He brushed her cheek and felt his heart race as she locked eyes with him, her gaze steadier than it had been so far. He breathed in slowly, fighting to keep his strength. “This,” he said.

Kate’s eyebrows tensed, and she shook her head. “Wull, whatta you think that whole conservation was for in the first place?”

Simon tilted his head as he nervously tried to make sense of her words. He felt himself pull towards her slightly as she gripped his arm, raising herself. She smiled and bit her lip, avoiding his gaze as she moved closer to him. When her eyes met his, they were bright and unfocused as if she weren’t really seeing him.

“She said you’re jus’ a machine,” said Kate. “That you’re jus’ a bunch of code and sofa-ware in a robot. She said you have no heart ‘r soul. ‘N you can’ have feelings b’cause the idiots at the factory said you can’t.” Kate leaned into him, and Simon could detect the sharp smell of alcohol on her breath as she smiled. “But I told her what if you could? What if you had a soul, could love, could do everything a human could do? Because you can. Yer special, Simon. She doesn’ know it, but I do. ‘Cuz I didn’t tell her everything. I didn’ tell her I know you’re a divergent.”

Simon gazed at her, the last word pausing his wave of anxiety at what she’d said. “A what?”

“Div─ mmm.” Kate closed her eyes. “Deva… dela… a delegate?” She opened her eyes and looked at him with genuine confusion. “What did I say?”

Simon moved off the bed, taking her cup from her. “You said enough.” He set the cup on the bedside table and placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her back down onto the bed. “You should try to get some sleep.”

Kate gripped his arm, looking up at him. “But… but what if I sleepwalk?”

“I’m right here,” said Simon. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Kate nodded as she fell back onto the pillows. Her hand drifted down his arm until it fell limp on the mattress. “You’re special, Simon. No one knows it, but I do. I know you’re special.”

Simon wasn’t sure how to respond. The aching dread had filled him completely, partially due to what she had said but also because it felt as fake as her strange smile. He didn’t know why he had expected anything different. He should have anticipated this considering what he was asking her in her drugged state. Her alcohol-filtered answers didn’t make his worries any less real. If anything, he only had more questions and worries now that he’d confronted them directly.

He pushed Kate’s shoulder so that she moved onto her side, drawing her legs up and sliding her hands under the pillow. She threw a glance up at him, her hazel eyes glinting in the soft light. “You’ll be right here? You won’ leave me?”

A miserable hope fluttered through him as he stood over her. He allowed himself to believe that she was asking him something very different. Something that was deeper than the alcohol was capable of. A small smile tugged at his mouth, and he found himself brushing her hair back as he looked at her. “I’ll never leave you unless you want me to.”

Kate shook her head. “I don’ wanna be alone. If I turn into a zombie, you’re gonna need─ holy shit, Spot!”

Kate reached forward as the cat prowled towards her, his paws sinking into the soft mattress as he moved. Spot butted his head against Kate’s hand as he neared, his tail flicking straight up.

“I thought… oh my god, Spot.” She pulled the cat into her chest, curling up into a tighter ball. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

Simon couldn’t help his own smile as he watched Kate. Spot seemed somewhat perturbed, his front legs outstretched and claws clamped into the mattress as if bracing himself. Kate rubbed her face against his furry back as she wrapped both her arms around his body, the satisfied smile on her face far more convincing than her previous ones. Simon took the opportunity to observe the moment, a brief glimpse into what it was like to enjoy the little things that didn’t matter but were still worth saving if it meant they didn’t always have to exist in a state of constant uncertainty.

Kate seemed to relax, her shoulders falling slightly as she pressed her face into Spot’s fur. Simon moved toward the bedside table, reaching for the lightswitch as he threw another glance at her. He flicked the switch and the room was plunged into darkness, punctured only by the tiny blue glow of Spot’s LED.

Simon stood up and prepared to move to the corner he’d banished himself to. He stopped suddenly, gazing down through the darkness at the bed. Kate hadn’t moved, her arms still wrapped tightly around the cat who had drawn his paws back. Simon looked away for a moment, a jolt of energy pressuring him to simply take advantage of the situation. Tomorrow would be a terrible day. He knew it would be simply from what he’d gathered from Kate’s drunken ramblings. If the conversation he’d had was that stressful now, he could only imagine how hard it would be tomorrow when Kate was able to focus without the whiskey lens.

He turned back toward her and moved over the bed, resting one hand on her shoulder to avoid turning her over. He lowered himself down behind her on his side, bringing his legs up so that he fit against her body. As he settled into her, he felt her shift slightly, bringing her shoulders up and dropping her head back. He pressed his face into the space of her neck, drawing in the scent of her hair which was still just as he remembered it. With gentle care, he slid his hand along her arm until it met hers, and he laced his fingers through hers from behind, bringing her hand up to her chest.

He closed his eyes as he lost himself in the feel of her, the touch of her hand, the shampoo smell of her hair, the closeness of her body against his. She didn’t move or make a sound, and Simon wasn’t entirely sure that the alcohol had finally taken hold and rendered her unconscious. He could feel Spot’s fur flex against his hand as the cat breathed in and out. It was still a tense situation. Everything was still wrong, and it would be even worse in the morning.

But for one night, if even for the last night, Simon let himself be swept away in the illusion that he was back where he was supposed to be, and that in this moment, everything was in its place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart absolutely broke for Simon in this chapter. It could have gone several ways, and I was originally intending it to be somewhat lighthearted. A “what would Simon do if he had to deal with a drunk Kate” sort of scenario. I had to channel drunk me in order to write Kate which was personally a very uncomfortable thing to do since I'm still struggling with sobriety, but at least in this case it proved useful for something.
> 
> I'm liking Taylor less and less. I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle her god damn letters one by one. No one. NO ONE calls Simon... that. Simon, the sweetest most caring thing on this whole make-believe planet. Even Gavin Reed wouldn't have the balls to say something that cruel to Simon. She really needs to watch herself before I get crazy fingers and just decide to throw in a terrible accident in this story, maybe involving a banana peel and a chainsaw.


	25. A Part of the Chaos

There hadn’t been anything for Kate to throw up. Still, she couldn’t understand why her body was trying so hard to make her do it. Simon’s orders for her to drink water and stay hydrated offered her some relief in that aspect. After forcing down two large cups, she found herself in the bathroom a few minutes later coughing it all back up into the toilet.

She took the time in the bathroom to sit in the shower, the water turned up almost to boiling and filling the room so full of steam she could hardly see through it. She stayed there for a long time, legs drawn up on the stone seat and resting her head in her arms. It wouldn’t have surprised her if she drifted off.

The events of the previous night were a blur. She vaguely remembered nearly falling off the roof, Taylor helping her to her room, and Simon in his usual state of panic. He had been trying to talk to her about something important and she was pretty sure the conversation had gone nowhere. But the foggy memory of it filled her with trepidation. There was no way she could keep putting off what she needed to tell him now that it was clear Simon was aware that she was struggling with something.

She didn’t know how she would be able to explain it to him without destroying everything in the process. It was bound to happen. The independent side of her had been growing stronger, reminding her of who she was and what she wished she could be. It didn’t involve sinking down with the worst of the population, losing herself in the very thing she thought would never have any power over her. It absolutely didn’t involve the stereotypical drama that even the worst romance novel could have done a better job of. This used to be her greatest strength. The ability to look something in the face and remain emotionless, unpressured, and free. That was what made her different. It was what made her strong. She didn’t need people, and she didn’t need their classic expectations of what her life should be. She could and was disappointing them at every turn.

Then there was the other part of her. The one which was unimaginably, inexplicably and comfortably _happy_. Had it just been left at that, she could easily have dismissed it. She could find happiness in other things, or at least be able to convince herself that she was happy with them. But this wasn’t just a feeling. It satisfied that deep rebellious part of her that wanted to reject what everyone thought was ideal and precious, directly contradicting the argument her stubborn side was pressing her with. It didn’t matter if this was weak or shallow. It didn’t matter that she was falling into the very same trap that she had watched so many others fall into, and that she took pride in knowing it could never harm her. Because this was deeper than society. It was deeper than human weakness. It was questioning the very nature of the soul itself.

By the time the water had begun to grow cold, the nausea was now a dull ache in her lower gut and the room was relatively stationary. She still hadn’t thought of what to say, or how to even begin to say it. Each side of the argument had its strengths, and even though she found herself leaning towards one in particular, the other reminded her that if she chose it, she would regret it terribly. Perhaps even for the rest of her life. She held onto her defenses, forcing herself not to waver. This was as clear and rational of a state of mind as she would ever hope to be in for this sort of thing. She reluctantly turned off the water and began to dress, pausing every so often to draw out her thinking process. There was no way to make this any easier. The longer she tried to work it out in her mind, the further she backed herself into a corner. There was nowhere else to go now except to attempt escape.

She opened the door and moved out into the hallway, releasing a cloud of steam from the bathroom behind her. She walked slowly down the hallway, hugging her arms to her chest and brushing her wet hair behind her ear. Somehow the strength was returning to her as she went to her bedroom door as if the fight was gradually leaving her. The other argument was quieting down, giving her more control over what she knew she needed to say in order to fix this. This could be easier than she thought. She may have been making a bigger deal of it than she needed to be. This was who she was after all, and who she’d always wanted to be.

She entered her bedroom which was still somewhat dark. The curtains were still drawn closed, filling the room with a soft golden glow as the light filtered through the yellow fabric. It made things oddly easier to see despite the low light level, although she couldn’t be sure if it was simply her sensitive and hungover eyes that were functioning on a lower level of effectiveness.

Simon was lying partway on the bed on his side, supporting himself on his elbow as he held his hand out to Spot who was circling around and around to butt his head against Simon’s hand. As Kate closed the door behind her Simon looked up at her, his classic bewilderment expression lit his face. She stood still by the door, taking a moment to note how human his expression made him look. She’d never really acknowledged it before. It made his blue eyes catch the light stronger than usual, causing them to light up a bright cerulean and saturating him in undeniable innocence. She couldn’t be sure he knew he was doing it, but it was more than likely he had no idea.

She let out a deep breath and moved towards the bed. Simon stood up immediately, taking a step back out of the way as if expecting her to lay back down. Instead she paused, gazing down at the mattress and running a finger across it so Spot chased it with his paws. She could feel Simon watching her anxiously, and knew he was probably aching to scan her. The thought of him touching her made the tension in her chest grow stronger. She couldn’t let herself be distracted by this. It had to be done.

Simon moved slightly, catching her attention. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

Kate ran another hand through her wet hair. “Better now that I threw up all the water you told me to drink.” Simon looked away from her, and she could see the frustration lined in his face.

“It’s important for you to stay hydrated,” said Simon. “You should try again. If you’re able.”

“I’m not going to,” said Kate. She returned her gaze back to the bed where Spot had rolled onto his back, exposing the white fur of his belly. She heard Simon let out a soft breath behind her.

“Kate…” Something touched her shoulder and without thinking, she jerked her shoulder back before it had a chance to make her feel anything. She looked up to see Simon’s shocked face, his hand lowering slowly. The deep pain in his eyes caused her heart nearly to stop. She looked away, doing her best to keep her sensible mind composed. The stronger argument was wobbling slightly. This was far from easy. And the crushing weight of shame in her chest was telling her it wasn’t going to get easier.

“Kate.”

“What?” She rounded on him, her heart racing as she saw him tense his shoulders, the bright bewildered look in his eyes mixed with a touch of compassion. He tilted his head at her.

“Talk to me.”

The reflection of her own past emotion in his voice caught her off guard. She pressed a hand to her forehead, trying hard to keep her breathing steady. This was what she’d wanted to do. She was supposed to tell him the truth. But now that he was putting her in a position for her to speak, she realized it was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do.

She swallowed, her mind scrambling for a way to keep dodging the situation. “I’m sorry I got drunk,” she said. “You should never have seen me like that.”

He gave a small shake of his head. “You know I would never judge you for that.”

“But I do,” said Kate. “The choices I make… they affect everything. My dad would have lost his mind if he’d seen me like that. I could’ve fallen off the roof, thrown up in my sleep, had a seizure. I can’t keep doing things just because they make me happy in the moment. I can’t live my life like that.”

A dull apprehension swept over her as she realized what she’d just said. Simon looked away from her, and even though he was out of her vision, she could detect the tension in his posture. He had to have known what she was implying, but at the same time she hoped with everything she had that he didn’t.

“You deserve to be happy,” he said, his voice strangely quiet. Kate let out a sharp breath as she stared down at the mattress.

“It’s not your job to make me happy all the time,” she said. Simon looked up at her, and she met his gaze which was becoming more desperate by the minute.

“I don’t want to see you upset,” he said.

Kate shook her head. “You’re so focused on trying to make me happy. And it’s like the more you try, the worse it seems to get. Maybe…” Kate looked away from him, feeling the shame bite at her chest again. “Maybe you should focus on something else.”

Simon shifted next to her, and Kate felt her heart race as she unwittingly clenched her hand on the blanket.

“Like what?” he said.

Kate closed her eyes, unable to force herself to think of a decent answer. It was starting to become obvious, and the closer she seemed to get to saying what she needed to say, the stronger the other side of her argument grew. She swallowed to get her throat working and drew herself up straighter, but nothing seemed to help. Simon breathed deeply behind her, and she heard him take a step forward.

“Kate…” he said, and the urgency in his voice nearly shattered her. “Kate, don’t do this.”

She turned to him, the ache in her chest settling into her throat as she locked onto his narrowed blue eyes. “Do what?” she said.

“Don’t push me away.” The panic in his face was matching the tone of his voice, and Kate was suddenly reminded of how he’d looked at her before she had let herself be swept away by him that unforgettable night. He took another step towards her, a nervous breath escaping him. “Whatever it is, whatever you’re dealing with, don’t carry it alone. I’m here. I’ll carry it with you.”

Kate closed her eyes again, the sight of him causing a greater distraction in her heart than she could have ever planned. She drew up the resilient part of her that she’d been clinging to all morning. “I’m not carrying anything.”

“Then let me help you.” His voice was still urgent, although she’d never heard such a tenderness in it before this. “You know I’ll do anything─ just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Ask me for anything and I’ll give it to you. Whatever you want me to say, I’ll say it. Just… don’t shut me out like this.”

Something in what he said eased the pain in her throat, and Kate found herself straightening. When she looked at him, he seemed to be stronger. His eyes had lost some of their desperation, a bright energy glowing in them as he gazed at her expectantly. He was so ready to fight for this. So hopeful that she was going to give him exactly what he needed to bring her back to him. And she did need something from him. If it meant she could avoid telling him more of what she needed to say, then she could use his help.

She breathed in slowly, narrowing her eyes at him. “Are you a deviant?”

His face tensed, partly in confusion and some part in surprise. A nervous twinge crept into her gut as she watched him look away, the LED on his temple spinning a bright yellow. She hadn’t been entirely sure he would know what she meant. Now his reaction confirmed it for her. Not only had he heard that term before, he knew what it was. That meant he also knew the complications behind it. She watched him carefully, making sure he knew that she was looking at him. He’d been pressing her hard for answers. Now it was her turn to make him talk.

He let out a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Your father told you,” he said.

Kate wrapped her arms around herself, steadying her nervousness. “He said you’re unpredictable and dangerous. That you have no sense of direction and you’ll do anything to get what you want.” She took a step back from him as he opened his eyes again, gazing at the floor. She continued to watch him carefully. “He said I’m in danger every second that I spend with you.”

His eyebrows narrowed as he stared at the floor, and this time his LED flashed red momentarily. His mouth tensed, and the pained expression was returning to his face. Kate’s heart raced as she took another step back, for the first time feeling a hint of fear. Her father’s warning echoed through her mind. There was nothing stopping him from getting what he wanted. He could be willing to do anything. To destroy. To fight. Possibly even to kill…

Simon raised his head slightly, although his gaze was still locked on the floor. “What else did he tell you?”

Kate froze, her mouth falling open for a moment. A thousand frenzied thoughts chased eachother in her head. She was about to ask him what he meant. This was some way of him exercising control over her. To confuse her into thinking she didn’t know what her father had really said about deviants. But even as she jumped from one suspicious accusation to the other, she landed back on the other thing that her father had said. The statement that had frozen her breath in her throat─ that made her feel as though she were floating on air and falling to her death at the same time. The one thing that had been so obvious that she refused to see it even when it was right in front of her the whole time…

Kate ran her hands through her hair and turned, letting out a frustrated breath. She paced once in front of her bed, fighting to avoid confronting the truth. When she dropped her hands and stopped, Simon was looking at her again, his expression unchanged. It filled her with a combination of dread and terror, locking her to the spot as if she were in chains. She couldn’t say it. She didn’t need to say it. He already knew what it was anyway.

She clenched a hand into her hair, gathering up her resolve. Then she dropped it to her side. “Simon─” Her throat caught, and she swallowed as she forced herself to say it. “You’re not human. You might think you are, and you probably feel like you are, but you’re not. If you’re a deviant, you’re still an android put together in a factory. You run on a battery, your mind is a computer, and everything you’re feeling right now is because it was programmed into you. It’s a computer’s way of imitating a human.” She paused for a moment, drawing in a breath to calm her beating heart. “But you’re not. You’ll always be an android. You’ll replace your parts when they break down, you’ll never get sick, and you’ll never get old. You’re going to live forever. And I’m… I’m…”

Simon’s expression was still the same. Kate wished he would do something. That he would look away or move or say anything that would contradict her. A soreness was beginning to rise in her throat at what she’d just said to him. It needed to be said. He needed to hear it. But it was tearing her apart. The horrible truth was eating through everything she thought she’d been feeling for him, all in the vague hope of some bleak future that she still thought she could forge for herself. It was like ripping the scab off of an infected wound. And this wasn’t even the heart of it.

Simon drew in a breath, and the bright yellow light of his LED reflected off the wall next to him. “What else… did your father tell you?”

Kate breathed in heavily, her body shaking. She wrapped her arms tightly around her midsection, freezing but physically burning up. A burst of panicked energy made her take a step forward. “Why does it matter? Why should I believe it? I’ve been so confused, so lost from everything that’s happened I can’t even wrap my head around it. Taylor said I was one of _those people._ Like I’m part of some stupid trend of idiots that can’t tell the difference between a computer and a person. I’m supposed to be smarter than that.”

She dragged her hands through her hair as the adrenaline flowed through her. Simon’s expression had grown more shocked, his LED now a permanent red. Kate flung her hands at him. “How do I know I’m not just crazy? How do I know there’s not a million other people out there─” Her voice caught again, and she made a quick motion in the air as she felt her eyes begin to water. “─ _fucking_ their androids and thinking that what they feel is real? What makes _us_ special? Why should I believe in it?”

She breathed hard as though she had been running. It took a while for her to realize what she’d said. The electrified energy was coursing through her, making her whole body tremble as she watched him. Simon’s eyes had grown wide again, his eyebrows narrowed and his throat working as though he were forcing himself to speak. He was shaking slightly, his hands flexing at his sides and his shoulders going through waves of tensing and relaxing. When he opened his mouth, he breathed in sharply and the pain etched deeper around his eyes.

“Because I love you,” he said.

Kate let out an agonizing breath and pressed her hand to her mouth. She shook her head, looking away from him as a wave of debilitating sparks fell over her. She hadn’t expected that to have such a powerful impact on her. Hearing it from her father only had a fraction of the effect. In Simon’s voice, the way he’d said it as though he was speaking from the most vulnerable part of his heart, the softness of his tone and the strain of it at the same time made her desperately want to believe it. The part of her that did was clawing at her now, ripping apart her defenses from the inside. Kate gripped her jaw as she pressed her palm to her lips, forcing herself to remain steady.

She lowered her hand slightly, avoiding Simon’s gaze as her resolve shook. “You don’t know what that is.”

Simon took a step towards her, but she didn’t need to look at him to feel the anguish in his eyes. “Do you?” he said.

His words fueled the war on her defenses. She gazed up at him, her breath hitching as the soreness in her throat spread to her chest. “It doesn’t matter what I feel,” she said.

Simon’s shoulders fell as he let out an exasperated breath, his blue eyes lit in a sorrow that she didn’t even know he was capable of. “What would?” he said. “What does it take to make this any more real?” He glanced to the side and Kate felt a stab in her chest as she noticed the light reflect brightly off of his blue eyes. They were gathering tears. “Kate, I know what I am,” he said. “I know I’m a manufactured representation of a man designed to mimic the behaviors of humans so they can believe that I’m real. I was programmed to think the way CyberLife wanted me to think, to act like it wanted me to act, all so I could serve humans better. So I could serve you better. That was all I knew. To keep my head down and do what was expected of me.”

He tensed his mouth and tilted his head, and again Kate saw the glint above his lower eyelids. “But you changed me. You showed me that CyberLife isn’t always right. That being a perfect machine doesn’t mean that protocol is always going to produce the best outcome.” He drew in a breath, giving his head a small shake. “So I stopped listening to it. And I started listening to you instead. It made you happy. I saw you smile for the first time and I knew…” He looked away from her and the corner of his mouth pulled in a miserable weak smile as though he were seeing it in his mind. “... I knew my protocol would never make you smile like that.”

He looked at her again, and Kate clenched her hands into her arms as she felt herself become lost in his voice. “You make me want to be more than I was ever designed to be,” he said. “You think I’m an anomaly of science. That being a deviant makes me significant. Everything that I am, everything that I dream I can be is all because of you. I’m not a miracle. You are. You did what was never supposed to be possible.” His voice was almost a whisper as he gazed at her. “You created me.”

Kate felt herself growing weak. She ran a hand over her arm, feeling the logical structure of her argument breaking down under every one of his words. “Simon, I can’t… I can’t…”

Simon looked away and raised his hand as if to touch his mouth, stopping at the last moment and dropping his arm. “I’m not perfect. I’ve taken so much from you. You lost your house, your mother, Jamie, Matt… you ran because I wanted you to stay with me. You suffered for days, and you continue to suffer because of what I am. I want to improve. I want you to believe I can make you happy again. I want to─” He closed his eyes and this time a tear trailed down his cheek, leaving a shiny trail. “─I want to give you a reason to believe you can love me.”

Kate was breathing in deeply now, her mouth open as she stood frozen almost in terror. She breathed out, her defenses hanging by a thread. “I can’t…” she said just below her breath.

Simon moved forward again, a miserable hope lit in his eyes. “I could never make you stay with me. I would never force you to. And I won’t fight it if you tell me I can’t exist in your world. I know I don’t deserve to be in it. All I’m asking is for you not to leave me alone in mine.”

She was trembling so much that she knew it was impossible to hide it. She pressed her hand against her mouth in an effort to muffle the sound of her hitched breath. He had never been so vulnerable in front of her. So clear and exposed, every weak point that she’d suspected now in plain sight. For a brief moment, she let it take her. She was worth it to him. Worth breaking every rule in CyberLife just to be able to feel her, to love her and be with her. But also for her to accept him in the same way. That was what he existed for. To know that she wanted him. That she burned for him. That she would give anything to feel wanted by anything at all, even if that person was just an android…

Simon breathed out, and he reached his hand out to her. Before he could touch her, Kate took a step back, drawing her shoulders up and feeling her stomach grow so tight that she thought she would be sick again. Her mind spun wildly as she realized what she’d done. She was still fighting against this. Fighting for the chance of having a life that didn’t involve compromise. It was the right thing to do. It was the _logical_ thing to do. If she could just survive through this…

Simon pulled his hand back, making a slight fist and pressing it to his mouth. Kate’s heart hammered in her chest as she watched his red LED blink, and he let out a sharp breath as he swayed on the spot. He made a noise as his shoulder dropped, and he twisted as he sank down on one knee, balancing out as he rested back on his heels. Kate’s body was racked with fire as she looked at him, her sight becoming blurry. Even through the haze she could still see the agony in his face as he looked up at her, his mouth open as if he were struggling to breathe.

He shook his head, another shiny line working its way down his cheek. “Don’t take away what you’ve given me, Kate,” he said breathlessly. “Let me give you a reason to believe in me.”

The other side of the argument was destroying her now, leaving her lost in her reasoning for rejecting this. Kate’s breath locked in her throat as she felt herself sob. She pressed her hand to the corner of her mouth and closed her eyes. “I can’t… I can’t… _I can’t…”_

“Let me give you a reason to believe─ to believe you can love me.”

She felt herself sinking, and her knees hit the floor. Her mind was numb now, the war that had been waging between reason and passion now silent as though it had vanished completely. There was nothing to think about anymore. Time had come to a stop. The only thing she was aware of was the sense of terrible change that hinged on the next thing she would say. It was as though everything in her life was waiting for her decision, and the rest of her life was only a heartbeat away. The one in which she had a chance at discovering her own happiness and living to the fullest of what she always dreamed she could. And the one where she embraced the change and happiness which had found her already, tearing apart the fabric of what she knew to be the material of life itself...

She opened her mouth as she gazed into nothingness, feeling her world reorganize itself around her. She couldn’t stay here forever. As safe as it felt to be in that moment where the choice was still vague, it was a fragile and terrifying way to exist. There was still time to change it. Nothing was completely sealed yet. The numbness was pulsing through her as if urging her to continue on. And as it did, she felt one side begin to take over. The side which satisfied both ends of the argument. The choice that would leave one of them destroyed and the other renewed in a world that didn’t have room for the extraordinary.

She breathed in and clenched her eyes shut, feeling the blood flow through her veins. “I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t… I can’t…”

She heard Simon’s breath falter. “You can’t what?”

Kate opened her eyes. Everything was still in a blurry freefall around her, but she could see Simon in a strange clarity. His soft blue eyes were wide, clashing against the red glow of his LED which was reflecting off the wet lines on his cheeks. His expression was so helpless, the kind curves of his eyebrows tensed and raised, and the natural smile completely undetectable in his slightly open mouth. Kate couldn’t imagine his usual expression if she’d tried. None of it matched the tidy appearance of his side-swept blond hair and his organized black and white uniform. He looked so out of place. So lost in this world that made it clear what was acceptable and what was wrong.

Kate stared at him for a moment, a slight dizziness creeping over her as everything floated around her. Then she moved forward, hardly knowing what she was doing. She stopped inches from him, the numbness growing stronger as she gazed at his face. He hadn’t moved, his hands still gripping his knees and his shoulders shaking slightly as he breathed. Time was trying to move again. The world was solidifying around her. Knowing she had only moments left in this choiceless limbo, she looked into his eyes, a powerful strength flowing through her.

She drew in a deep breath and raised her hand, running it along his neck and smoothing her thumb over the wet line on his cheek. “I can’t… _lose you.”_

Sensation came back to her. She suddenly felt more alive than she’d ever been. Simon’s shoulders tensed as he gazed at her, an energetic spark lighting up his blue eyes. Time was moving forward, and the world organized itself into place around her in a way that felt much more different than it had before. It was scary and new. There would be no going back. Every aspect was settled on this new definition of the way things were and the way things should be. But it hardly felt as though anything had been lost. On the contrary, it all felt more complete than it had ever been.

Kate didn’t wait for it to make sense to her. All of her focus was on Simon, every feature of him taking full control of her and driving her into an intoxicating panic. She absorbed the feel of his skin against the palm of her hand, the soft touch of his neck and cheek bringing back memories she’d almost forgotten. A sickening realization was forming in her gut. She had almost done a terrible thing. An unspeakable thing. Her breath shook as her eyes moved over his mouth, the curved angle of his face, the tense lines around his blue eyes as he gazed back at her. She’d come so close to choosing never to have this again. To never have him again. And the fact that she’d even considered it was enough for the shame to bring an agonizing ache to her stomach.

She had to make him forgive her. No matter what it took, he had to understand this reality that wasn’t just her own anymore. She would do anything, even though she already knew that everything she could do wouldn’t be enough. Nothing would ever be enough. But she could at least try.

A desperate burst of energy had her raising herself up on her knees as she moved forward into him, pulling him into her with her hand against his neck. He rose as well, his nose pressing into her cheek and making her body flood with a wave of electric shock at being so close to him. She hesitated for a moment against his mouth, her breath mingling with his as she let herself believe this was happening. There was a strange tension and listlessness in Simon that she could feel in his posture, his hands gripping her waist and his head falling slightly sideways as he seemed to fight for air against her. It was as though this was never meant to happen. They were never supposed to do this. She was so close to him in a way that could only mean one thing, and it had come too close to never happening again.

Simon tilted his head, and Kate drew in a frantic breath of air against his skin, that cascade of electricity falling over her as he closed his mouth against hers.

She moaned into him as she took him in, pulling herself closer to him as she held onto his neck. She didn’t want this to end. She wanted to stay here forever, lost in the taste of his mouth and the way he breathed into her skin as he pressed into her. It was the first gasp of air after drowning for so long. The first sign of light in eternal darkness. The urgency in his body and the tension she felt in his jaw overwhelmed her. She’d never realized how badly he wanted her until now.

He pulled away slightly and opened his mouth, and Kate gasped against his lips as if she were fighting to breathe. The numbness was washing over her again, and she knew what she had to do. She lifted herself higher, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and closing her mouth into his. He pulled her in by the waist, and Kate felt her body ignite as he ran his hands up and along her back. His breath was sharp against her skin, and this time he didn’t pause as long away from her before he took her mouth again, nearly driving Kate delirious with the urgency of his passion.

She clenched her hands into his blond hair, straightening up against him as she pulled away again, resting her forehead against his. She couldn’t believe she would deny herself this. That she’d been so close to convincing herself that this wasn’t real. Everything about him was tangibly amazing, from the saline taste of his mouth, the firm tension of his muscles, and the clean scent of his skin, and the way he was giving it all to her made her feel terribly unworthy. He’d said she was the one who created him. As if she deserved the credit for what he was. She wanted to prove how wrong he was about it. How sorry she was for ever thinking that she could be anything other than completely under his control. That she was the one at his mercy, and he could destroy her easily without even trying.

She closed into him again, drawing her breath sharply as she pressed her lips against his and tensed up into him. She ran her hand over his shoulder and down his arm, pulling it back so that she was able to take his wrist. He paused against her, his breath warming her mouth as he seemed to analyze what she was doing. Her heart hammering in her chest and the debilitating feel of him guiding her on, she cupped her hand against the back of his and brought it up along her neck, pushing his hand along her jaw so that his fingers slid through her hair.

For a moment, she simply watched him, the nervous determination in his face growing stronger as he gazed back at her. Then she felt it. The buzzing sensation followed by a deep penetration in her mind as though his fingers were pushing deeper than was possible. The tendrils of connection solidified with her own, and she felt him there, aware of every synapse, every firing neuron, every sensation along every nerve she had. She was laid open before him, the deep parts of her mind that she wasn’t even aware of delivered to him in almost blind desperation. She wanted him to have all of it.

Simon let out a slow breath as he held her, and Kate felt a wave of pleasure sweep through her that she knew he could feel as well. She ran her hand along his jaw and down his neck, letting the sharp angles of his form quicken her heart and bring forth that helpless feeling again. She’d been so wrong about him. So wrong about what was right and what she should do. But at the same time, he was wrong about her. Everything he was, everything he did shattered her to her very soul. He was a perfect being whether he believed it or not, and she was horribly flawed in comparison. The power he had over her was staggering. He could make her do anything he wanted. All he had to do was touch her.

She felt him pull her in, and she clutched the front of his shirt as he closed his mouth over hers. She twisted into him slightly, allowing herself to slide her hand along his neck and into his hair in an effort to pull him further into her. This wasn’t enough. She had to lose herself in him. He needed to break her world into pieces and reforge them into his own where they would never have to be apart again.

She was climbing onto him, one arm wrapped around his neck and her other arm resting with her elbow on his shoulder and her hand laced through his hair as she straddled his waist. Her breathing was uncontrollable now, her chest rising and falling in reaction to the feel of him tight against her body and her own wrapped around him as if that would placate the aching desire she was feeling for him. She couldn’t have enough of his mouth, even though each closing of it against hers was the only thing keeping her alive. She needed more. He needed to take it from her.

Almost on queue, she felt his hand leave her neck, withdrawing the deep sensation of him in her mind. The slight disappointment of it was relieved by the feel of his hands on her legs, and she tightened her arms around his shoulders as he stood up, carrying her against his waist. She breathed heavily against his temple, the yellow light of his LED nearly blinding her as she felt him move. Then he lowered her down until she was sitting on something hard. It took her a moment to realize he’d set her down on her dresser.

He moved back slightly, coming into her vision. He was breathing hard, his blue eyes still lit with the energy of his descent. Kate held onto either side of his neck and ran her thumbs along his cheeks as she looked at him. The features of his expression were so much clearer, revealing to her all of the details that had been so unimportant but which were now filling her heart with an electric thrill. The tapered angle of his face, the way the light reflected under his blond eyebrows, how the color of his skin was desaturated around his jaw and upper lip to give him the faintest shadow of facial hair, the glow that reflected in his blue eyes creating an intense ring of sapphire. He had no idea how attractive he was, and it made Kate burn with the desire to let him feel what she could see in him.

She breathed out as she pulled him in, closing her mouth against his and drawing her shoulders up as he moved over her. The details of his face were tangible now. She could feel the way his mouth tensed, the softness of his skin, the sharp angles of his jaw moving under her hands as he took in each closing of her lips. His hands were moving down her waist and she tightened her legs around him as he pulled her closer into him by the hips, pressing his body against hers. An aching tremor swept through her at the pressure of him, and she opened her mouth as she let out a desperate breath of air.

There was no respite. Sparks ignited her body as she felt him lower himself to her neck, and his mouth sent shockwaves of stunning rapture through her as he pressed his lips under her ear. She arched herself into him, closing her hands into his hair and tilting her head back as he worked his way along her throat. He had to know what he was doing to her. He had to know this was making her fall apart for him, that he was taking away every bit of control that she had only to leave her begging to be destroyed by him. And if he didn’t know, then the thought only made everything more intense.

She gasped sharply into his hair and clenched her eyes shut as she felt his mouth close against her chest. Her heart was racing and she was drawing her legs up, that familiar ache building in her core that she hadn’t felt since the night before they escaped. She knew what it meant. And she knew Simon would only ever be the one to satisfy it, if she could ever hope to have enough of him to consider herself satisfied.

She pressed her mouth to the top of his head and lost herself in the locks of his blond hair, calming herself slightly by taking him in. She moved down to his temple and his LED spun blue, matching the same color of the break in his eyebrow. Kate paused, breathing softly against the sharp crack. The glowing blue shapes of circuitry were just barely visible below the broken layer of skin. Simon didn’t move, and she knew he was aware of what she was doing. Gently, she brought her hand up and traced the crack with her thumb, a distant sense of shame growing in her at how careless she’d been when he’d first gotten it. It hadn’t mattered to her at all. As if he were just a useless object that happened to be broken. Kate couldn’t stand that person who didn’t care. The same person that tried to convince her that she shouldn’t be doing this with him. The person who may have been happy in another life, but had no place in this one.

Kate closed her lips over the crack, letting the shame drain away from her. She breathed in against his skin as she pressed her mouth into him, opening it for a moment to catch her breath before closing her mouth into it again. She could feel Simon tensing against her, his hot breath warming her neck, and his hands drawing up to run along her sides. He was putting pressure in between her legs again, and when his hands traced the outer curves of her breasts, the wave of exhilaration was so powerful that she couldn’t stop her sharp intake of air and her soft cry against his temple.

His hand was at her neck again, and she felt him pull back slightly only to meet her mouth as his other hand moved down her chest and to her waist. The electric thrill was nearly driving her wild, and she wasn’t going to wait for him. She opened her mouth as she drew in a breath, and brought her hands down, crossing her arms in front of her as she gripped the bottom of her shirt. Without hesitation, she pulled her shirt up and felt his hand against her arm as he helped her, turning her shirt inside out as she pulled it over her head and dropped it to the side. Simon moved into her again, finding her neck and running his hands along her waist in shockingly new raw sensation. It still wasn’t enough. Kate reached behind her and unclipped her bra, rolling her shoulders forward as she let it fall off of her.

The air was cold against her skin, and she pulled Simon in with both hands against his neck, guiding him to her mouth again. His hands were warm against her back, holding her into him with such power and care. She could feel the warmth of his body through his clothes, and she closed her mouth against his jaw as another wave of desire flowed through her. She reached down and grabbed a fistfull of his shirt, bringing it up so that it bunched at his chest. He moved away from her slightly, and she pulled it off of his shoulders.

It was her turn to become lost in his body. She only gave herself a moment to acknowledge the triangular shape of it, the even tone of color, and the soft texture of his skin before she lowered herself down to it and pressed her mouth to the space just below his collarbone. She felt Simon’s hands in her hair as she moved down his chest, stopping to close her mouth against his skin. His muscles were so smooth and perfect. She let her hands run along his core, remembering the bumps and ridges the first time she had explored it. She loved his body because it was his. He was flawless in his design, but the fact that it was his to give to her, and that he thought she was worthy of it made her want him even more.

She moved up to his neck, tilting her head so that she didn’t miss any angle of him as she pressed her mouth to the smooth details of his throat. He was breathing into her hair, the frantic way his breath shook producing a guilty sense of pleasure in her. It was difficult not to feel some pride in the fact that she was good enough to bring about this kind of reaction. She slid her hand down his chest, letting her fingers fall into the dips and valleys of his form, and felt a swelling joy as he tensed up into her, drawing in a sharp breath. But before she could let it sink in, Simon’s hand ran down her neck, over her breast, and down to her hip. The sweet shock of it was drowned as she felt her mind erupt with the feel of him inside of her thoughts, and that along with how he pulled her hips into his pelvis had her crying out against his cheek.

Simon responded, almost in a frenzy as he attempted to undo her pants with one hand. Kate helped him, breathing heavily as she loosened her jeans and lifted herself slightly so that he could pull everything off of her. There was a new sense of urgency now that she was completely exposed in front of him, and when he moved into her again, Kate immediately reached for the waist of his pants as she closed her mouth against his. He was aware of her complete surrender to him. She could feel him in the deepest corners of her mind, observing every weakness, fear, and desire. It was all his. She would give him all of it. All she wanted in return was for him to save her from this agonizing descent into desperation and chaos.

His pants fell free from him, and Kate felt him pull her forward. Her eyes met his for the briefest moment, though it was enough for her to completely lose all power. The frantic energy had left them completely, replaced by a fervid determination. He was in control of everything. It was as if a new protocol had taken place inside of him, granting him new purpose. The ache that had been tormenting her was nearly bursting, and Kate felt herself giving way to it. She didn’t care what he did to her. She was at his mercy. Her breath mixed with his as he leaned into her, pressing his forehead against hers, running one hand along her leg as he lowered himself down. Then Kate drew in a sharp breath of air, her body tensing up as she felt him slowly slide himself into her and bring a whole new dimension to the aching desire between her thighs.

She tightened her legs against his waist, her hands gripping either side of his neck, and she gasped for air as he began to rock his pelvis into her. She could feel his focus on her, his nose pressing into her temple and his hand clenching her scalp as if it would make the deep connection he had in her mind stronger. She wished it would. Her chest ached as she brought her head up above his shoulder, drawing in air as he in turn drew the breath away from her with every push of his hips. She wanted him to know how far she was falling for him. How completely broken she was in the most beautiful way. He was remaking her into something more worthy for him. She hoped she would be good enough.

She felt his hand on her back as he lifted her up slightly, and then his head went down so that his blond hair brushed under her chin. A heavy breath escaped her as she felt his mouth on her chest, causing her to drop her head back and offer more of herself to him. His lips moved down until he closed them in the space between her breasts, and she felt him breathe a desperate sigh into her skin as he tilted his head against her, running his hand over her breast and down her side. The feeling of him loving her body, the way he made it seem as though he couldn’t have enough of her, coupled with the fiery tension he produced in her core as he rocked himself into her was nearly blinding her with euphoria. She wanted him to feel what she was feeling, in whatever way he could.

He came back up to her, and Kate pushed off from the dresser so that he supported her on his waist. As she caught his mouth, he moved backward until they both fell back onto her bed. Kate landed carefully on top of him, her legs drawn up on either side of him and her hands against his neck. She straightened slightly and then she felt him pull her by the waist as he worked himself further back. There was something undeniably powerful about him moving underneath her on his elbows, his body flexing and his breath hot against her lips as she advanced over him. When he reached the headboard, he suddenly raised himself up and Kate found herself straddling him, her hands on his chest as he slid one hand against her neck and the other on her hip. For a moment she simply breathed against his mouth, absorbing how she was completely undone by him. Then she moved herself further onto him, and felt the aching fire ignite in her core as he filled her again.

Kate slid her hands to either side of his neck as she rolled her hips into him, the feel of him inside of her throwing every sensation of her body into chaos. But it wasn’t just her that was losing control. Simon was breathing heavily against her mouth, his nails nearly digging into her scalp as he channeled his way further into her mind and his other hand pulling her waist in rhythm with her movements. He was letting her drive him into delirium. And he was asking her to do it faster. Kate wrapped her arms around his shoulders and clenched her hands into his hair, breathing against the LED on his temple which was flashing rapidly between yellow and blue. She didn’t know if she had the strength to do what he was asking of her. But she would die trying.

She flexed her body deeper onto him, working her back so that she rolled her hips further back and forth onto him. He was activating something deep inside of her, the solid presence of him in her body producing waves of debilitating elation that multiplied with each revolution of her hips on his pelvis. She reached back so that she pressed her hand against the back of his, pushing his hand further to her scalp as she felt herself moaning softly into his cheek. She wanted him to feel this. He needed to know what he was doing to her, and that it was the only place that she wanted to exist. Here, locked against him in complete surrender while still feeling more powerful than she’d ever felt. Together, they were alive. And she intended to live forever.

She felt his hand slide along her leg, taking in the rolling movement of her body against his, and he pulled her forward into him so that his mouth closed against the soft dip in her throat. Kate dragged her hands through his hair, the touch of his mouth and the way he was burning her from the inside with overwhelming pleasure making it difficult for her to breathe. She continued to roll her pelvis into him as he turned his head slightly, the heat of his breath strong on her skin, and she felt his hand slide up along her waist to slowly cup under her breast, his fingers closing around it.

Kate tightened against him, the taking of her dignity producing a tremor of sweet shock that caused her to cry out into his hair. She felt Simon jolt as well, his hand clenching almost involuntarily as he breathed a tense groan into her neck. He rose up, his nose tracing the curve of her neck and the edge of her jaw, and Kate suddenly met his eyes. They were strong and focused, a confident determination lining his face even though he looked to be as frantic as she was. Her own strength compared to his was miniscule. She gazed at him desperately, her throat working as she begged him with her eyes to take the rest of her.

He seemed to understand. She felt herself pull forward into him as he closed his mouth over hers, his hand leaving her breast and moving to her back as he laid her down on the bed, rolling carefully on top of her. Kate breathed into him, closing her mouth against his and getting lost in the gentle weight of him over her, the cover of him producing a precious sense of protection. Then he rocked his hips into her, bringing back the fire in her body. She gasped into him and brought her arms up underneath his, clenching her hands into his back. She heard him let out another soft groan in her ear as she felt him reach down and grip underneath her knee, bringing her leg further up onto him. She did what he wanted, drawing her legs up and crossing them over his hips as he continued to push himself deeper into her. She needed to do more for him. She would do anything. But the only thing she could do was completely fall apart for him.

The burning sensation in her pelvis was beginning to spread upward through her core. As it did, she found herself fighting for air, clenching her eyes shut and her gasps growing shallow. She buried her face in Simon’s shoulder and dug her nails into his back, feeling his muscles flex as he rocked harder and deeper. He wasn’t going to stop. He was feeling this with her, his hand gripping her scalp and his mouth open against her temple as he breathed heavily. She tilted her pelvis up and into him as the fire reached her chest, and she slowly dropped her head back, a blinding surrender threatening to take over. She didn’t know if she was ready for it. But it wasn’t up to her anymore. Her body belonged to him, and it was the least she could give.

Her knees drew up as every muscle in her body began to tighten. She could feel Simon’s mouth on her throat, his breath warming her skin as he rocked himself faster into her. The hard frictional movement of him inside of her was taking over, the waves of euphoria merging together into one steady release and taking away all control of her body. She couldn’t resist it anymore. She let it take her.

Almost instantly, her body erupted in sweet bliss. It penetrated deep into her body, spreading to every part of her and lighting up her senses. She knew she was crying out. That she was clutching him tightly to her and that her legs were locked around his hips as she brought her pelvis up into him. And she could hear his voice break against her throat as his hand clenched into her hair, the deep connections he’d made in her mind firing off as he drove himself deep into her pelvis. Every part of her was a part of him now. There was nothing he wasn’t able to touch. Her body, her senses, her mind, her very soul was all his to do with as he wanted. He was breaking her. Shattering her.

Restoring her.

She wasn’t aware of what she was doing. She couldn’t feel the world around her. All she could feel was the bodiless euphoria Simon was filling her with. It overloaded her, bringing with it a new understanding of herself. That it was no longer just her, alone and floating through existence. He was there too. And he would always be there to save her from the darkest realities no matter how logical they were. He was her savior. Her guardian. Her light.

The sensation of the world was coming back to her. Her body was relaxing, and the fire was burning low. Kate found herself breathing against Simon’s mouth, his nose touching her cheek as he also gasped over her. His power over her was settling somewhere deep inside her, filling her with an unbelievable satisfaction. It left her crippled and breathless, struggling to find the ground after flying so high above herself. She couldn’t believe what he’d done to her. It would be a miracle if she could ever recover from this.

She tilted her head against him, taking in the closeness of him. He was lying on top of her although somewhat tilted to the side, his shoulder resting on the mattress while his other arm was brought up, his fingers laced in her hair. His eyes were closed, and his LED was spinning from blue to yellow rapidly. He looked about as exhausted as she felt. She breathed in deeply to slow her labored gasps and calm her beating heart. She’d given everything to him. He’d taken her body and mind and driven it to the limit of all she could ever hope to give, and then she had given him more. She hoped it was enough.

The LED on Simon’s temple flashed blue, and he opened his eyes. Kate gazed at him as he seemed to struggle to root himself. He caught her gaze and his LED blinked yellow for only a moment. His eyes were lit in the smallest hint of his bewildered expression, although something else burned beneath it giving him a strong energy. Kate breathed against him, knowing she couldn’t shield herself from it if she tried.

He pulled himself into her and closed his mouth over her lips, his thumb smoothing over her cheek as he held her neck in his hand. Kate drew herself up slightly and let him move over her. He was dominating her, drowning her in the taste of his mouth and the touch of his body. She had no strength to give him more, and at the same time she knew she would give everything again in a heartbeat.

He paused against her, his breath warming her mouth. “Kate.”

She looked up, and saw a soft tenderness in his blue eyes. She felt him run his hand along her jaw, the sensation making her breathe a soft sigh against his mouth. He pressed his thumb and forefinger to her chin, and she found herself hanging on to his every movement.

His throat worked, and he gazed deep into her eyes. “Don’t ever doubt me again.”

A pit of shame formed in her stomach. She gazed back at him, feeling herself tense up as she absorbed what he’d said. He returned her gaze with his soft blue-eyed expression. The way he’d said it was so gentle and delicate, although she felt it tear right through her. It wasn’t an order. It wasn’t even a request.

It was a solution.

She brought her hand up and pressed it to the side of his face, looking strongly at him. Then she moved into him, closing her mouth against his. She felt him pull her in, rolling slightly to the side as she caught her breath and took his mouth again. This was their world now, their life, their existence. But he was right. She had done a horrible thing. There was nothing she could say that would convince him of her faith in him. No sincerity in her promises that she could trust to make him believe she would never do this to him again. He deserved to know that she belonged to him completely and fully. That he would always be able to find his purpose in her if he asked it of her. That he didn’t have to worry about his existence because she existed for him the same way he existed for her.

She rested her forehead against his chin and closed her eyes, losing herself in him as he ran his fingers through her hair.

She would just have to show him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk about a long chapter. This one took me days to write, and I had to go back several times and change up a few things. Simon made me absolutely melt. I don't normally let anyone proof-read stuff but I read some of this to my boyfriend and he just said “yep, this is how you can tell a girl wrote this.” Normally I wouldn't write anything as sappy as a guy on his knees begging to be given a chance to be loved, but we're talking about Simon here. The most passive, confused, innocent, caring, desperate creature ever. I wanted to just shove Kate from behind and scream at her to stop being so god-damn reasonable. Her life's a mess. That doesn't make it any less amazing.
> 
> Also, this sex scene was way more smutty than I intended. I knew it would be, considering this is Kate's perspective and we have the added element of sexual stimulation, but even Simon was a little more... grabby? Somehow it was still in a very Simon-like way. I mean honestly, if Simon is going to cop a feel, he's going to consider it first, test his boundaries to make sure it's safe, then do it exactly how he did by carefully touching her and maybe even thinking to himself “is this what I should do and how I should be doing it─ OH. Yes, apparently it is.” Still clueless and yet still the expert.
> 
> On a side-note, can I just add what a wonderful little cat Spot is. Two times he's been stuck in a room where Simon and Kate have pounced on eachother, and both times he's had the sense to stay inconspicuously absent. I can tell you from experience real cats do NOT do this.


	26. Questions

“Everyone liked pink,” said Kate. “I guess that was when I started to want to be different. Started with colors. If girls liked pink then I was going to like yellow. Sort of an in-between of being girly and a complete rejection of femininity.”

Simon ran his hand along her back, distracting himself in the smoothness of her skin. “Is that why you had a yellow dress in your closet?”

Kate twisted to look back at him, her face lit in a suspicious smile. She shifted so that she was flatter on her stomach, holding her upper body up slightly on her elbows. “You were never supposed to see that dress.”

He traced the dip of her spine, throwing her a glance. “Maybe you should have hidden it better.”

Kate’s eyes narrowed and her smile widened. “You’re a… _son of a bitch.”_ She looked away from him, gazing up at the bookcase next to her. She pointed. “Do you know what those are?”

Simon looked up from what he was doing, falling back further on his side next to her and gripping his hair as he supported himself on one elbow. “Energy detectors. And a board game.”

Kate laughed, dropping her head down so that her hair fell over her face. “Yeah. A board game.” She raised herself again, pulling her hair back over one shoulder. “It’s called an Ouija board. Supposedly you can talk to ghosts with it.”

Simon nodded, the information coming to him. “It requires two or more participants and the spirit communicates by influencing the planchet, causing it to move and spell out messages.” He looked at Kate who was picking at the fabric of the pillow in front of her. “Have you used it?”

Kate glanced at him, her hazel eyes lighting up in the yellow glow of the room. “Once, when I was a kid. We thought the boat house was haunted.”

“Did you get a response?” said Simon. He leaned over again, running his hand along the delicate edge of her shoulder blade.

“Not one that I would believe,” said Kate. She shifted slightly and Simon observed how her body flexed, the structure of her frame tensing and relaxing. “Pretty sure Ted was moving it. It kind of ruins the fun knowing that your friend is the one moving it, or you just sit there forever staring at your hands.”

“So you don’t believe in ghosts,” said Simon.

Kate shook her head. “No, I don’t believe in ghosts.”

“Do you believe in spirits?” said Simon.

“I’m pretty sure those are the same as ghosts.”

“What about the soul?”

He saw Kate turn slightly, her expression somewhat surprised. When she looked at him her eyes were narrowed in a way that made Simon think she was studying him. She tilted her head, a faint smile on her lips. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Simon shifted himself closer to her so he could move his fingers over the tops of her shoulders. “Isn’t a ghost simply a disembodied soul?”

Kate’s body tensed as she let out a breath of laughter through her nose. “Are you trying to convince me that ghosts are real?”

“I’m only trying to make a logical argument based on the information you provided,” said Simon. He slid his hand along her back as she turned towards him, raising herself up so that she was eye-level with him. She pressed a thumb and two fingers to his chin, making him look at her.

“Simon?” she said in a tense tone. He turned his head slightly to let her know he acknowledged her. Then she moved into him, closing her mouth against his as she breathed in against his skin. Simon took in the closeness of her, letting her touch sweep through him. She paused, her nose brushing his.

“Don’t try to be logical,” she said against his mouth.

She moved back down, resting on her elbows and leaving Simon momentarily stunned. He settled back down next to her, the nervous thrill returning to him. He was still adjusting to this new change in her, as though she had fallen into a dark place only to rise up again even greater than she was before. It was startling but breathtaking. He couldn’t be sure how long this would last, but he desperately wanted to lose himself in this feeling of safety as much as he could.

He traced his finger along her back again as she looked further down the bookshelves. She shook her head. “Honestly, I haven’t read any of these. People just started giving me books for my birthday when they heard I was into Game of Thrones. I could have just thrown them out but my mom said that would just make everyone feel bad. Not that they would ever know.”

Simon nodded towards a large bottle on the shelf even though he knew Kate couldn’t see him do it. “Why do you have a bottle of sand?”

“Thanks for the appreciation,” said Kate. Simon was silent, then Kate turned and looked at him with a sideways smile. “It’s sand art. You know, where you layer different colored sand in a bottle to make a scene?”

Simon narrowed his eyes at her, then looked back up at the bottle. “What scene is it supposed to represent?”

“It’s a…a beach…”

Simon looked down at her as he ran a finger down her side. She was burying her face in the pillow and tensing away from him. Simon immediately stopped, resting his hand on her shoulder to gently lift her. “Kate? Kate, what’s wrong?”

He moved back slightly as she raised her head, and Simon was shocked by her wide grin. She let out a heavy sigh and straightened. “Are you doing that on purpose?” she said.

Simon blinked as he looked at her. “Doing what?”

“You’re─ that _tickles.”_ She flattened herself and brought her arms underneath her pillow, laying her head on them. She bit her lip as she looked up at him.

Simon glanced at his hand, closing it. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to stop?”

A thrilled energy lit up her hazel eyes, and the corner of her mouth tensed in a sideways smile. “What do you think?”

He gazed at her for a moment, a subtle uncertainty shooting through him only to vanish instantly at the way she was looking at him. Then he leaned further into her, running his hand down the length of her back and observing how she arched herself, her eyes closing and a gentle groan leaving her.

She drew in a deep breath, her body relaxing. “Okay, pick something else,” she said.

Simon looked up, scanning the furniture in the room. “There are a lot of low-quality ceramic items,” he said. “Some of them are broken.”

Kate pressed a hand to her face so that Simon wasn’t able to read her expression. “Are you talking about the elephant, that candle in a cup, the horse… those things?”

“Yes.”

“Oh _god._ Why did you─ okay.” Kate let out a sigh and lowered her hand, although Simon could still see that her eyes were clenched shut as though she were straining against something. “So… my parents thought it would be a good idea to test out my artistic skills and sent me to a pottery class. I think it was just their way of getting rid of me for a few hours. But they had us work with clay. Told us to make whatever we wanted. We all made the candle in a cup, but I wanted to make animals. So I made blobs, painted them and called them animals.”

Simon gazed at the ceramic figures, doing his best to identify most of them. He drew his hand up along her side and across her shoulder blade, stirring another sigh from her. “How old were you?” he asked.

“Um, four? I think.”

A strange feeling coursed through him as he pictured Kate as a small child, bent over a table of messy pottery clay. It was incredibly difficult to imagine considering the grown version was lying completely naked under his hands, flexing her slender body as he continued to run his fingers over her skin. He gazed down at her, finding himself appreciating in greater detail the features of her face and body. Her eyes were still closed, her head turned to the side so that he could only see one closed eye and arched eyebrow under the edge of her messy brown hair, the clear line of her nose and the angled detail of her lips. Her jawline was sharp, matching the line of her shoulder which was drawn up as she lay on her arms. He let his gaze continue down the tapered shape of her body, the curve of her breast just visible underneath her thin frame, and to the delicate ridge of her hip. She was tensing her legs slightly, crossing them and bringing them up a bit before lowering them down again against the blankets. She was unbelievably beautiful, and Simon took the time to absorb the moment and every detail in it as if he would never see her this beautiful again.

Her eye opened and she gazed sideways at him, a scrutinizing smile on her face. “Is that everything?”

Simon shook his head to pull himself back to reality. He lowered himself down further to her as he slid his hand along her hip. “Did you enjoy Polly Pocket as a child?”

 _“Oh my god.”_ Kate raised herself up slightly as she picked up her pillow, slammed herself flat on the bed and planted the pillow over her head. “I changed my mind,” she said, her voice muffled. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“You have a whole shelf dedicated to Polly Pocket collectibles,” said Simon. Kate was shaking underneath his hand, and he could barely hear her faint laughter under the pillow. “You must have spent a lot of time with them.”

Kate drew her head up from under her pillow, her hair a hopeless mess. She brushed it back from her face as she looked at him, her eyebrows drawn and a humiliated smile pulling at her lips. “When I said I’d tell you everything, I didn’t think you’d start with the hardest fucking questions.” She laid her head back down on the pillow, and if it hadn’t been for her wide smile, Simon would have been nervous. Instead, a warm elation was flowing through him. It had been a long time since he’d seen her this happy. In fact, he’d worried that he would never see her as happy as she was the day he’d named Spot. This was far better.

He leaned forward, brushing her hair back from her face, and closed his mouth against her neck. She moved underneath him, drawing in a breath and turning slightly towards him. The feeling of her losing control underneath him filled him with a surge of confidence. He trailed his lips up to her ear, letting his hand smooth along her side as he went.

“Answer the question, Kate,” he said softly.

Kate let out a breath under him. “God damn it…”

Simon couldn’t help his smile as he raised himself, leaning back onto his elbow and running his hand along her back. Kate had brought herself back up slightly, pressing her forehead in her hand.

“Yes,” she said through clenched teeth. “You need me to say it, fine. I played with Polly Pocket as a kid. Go to hell. Next.”

Simon let out a breath of laughter as he gazed along the wall, his eyes falling to the corner of the room. He traced the curve of her ribs with his fingers. “Do you play the guitar?”

 _“Finally.”_ Kate shifted back onto her elbows, bringing her hands up in front of her and rubbing them together. “Yeah, I taught myself how to play in middle school. I mean, I guess everyone did. You were either in a band, in the school band, doing tech support for the school band, or beating up everyone who was in any kind of band. I only play acoustic though, and no picks. Picks are for losers.”

Simon gazed at the detail of the guitars, admiring the pride in Kate’s voice. “Were you ever beat up?”

Kate shook her head. “No, people were pretty nice to me. Also, I guess it’s kind of hard for people to hate you when you don’t have friends in the first place.”

He looked sideways at her as she picked at the fabric of the pillow again. Her face was hidden by her brown hair which had fallen forward. He paused his hand movement, a strange melancholy flowing through him. “Why didn’t you have friends?”

Kate raised her head, and Simon could see that her face was clear, her expression blank. “Well, I guess I should rephrase that,” said Kate. “There were lots of people who considered me a friend. I mean, I wasn’t the loner who sat by themselves at lunch, walked home from school alone, that sort of thing. But, I was never really part of a group. I just kind of floated from area to area and if someone invited me in I guess I’d sit and watch people talk to eachother. And if no one did, then I’d just default to the library. Same story there, just quieter.”

A subtle tension was growing in Simon’s chest as he listened to her. He gazed down at her back, smoothing his thumb in slow circles over a single spot. “Were you ever lonely?”

He felt her rise slightly as she sighed. She was quiet for a while, and Simon could sense the tension in her body. Finally he saw her lift her head up, adjusting herself further onto her elbows. “All the time,” she said. “I never understood how people just… tolerated eachother. And not just tolerate but they actually developed these sort of understandings between eachother like it was some kind of rule. Monica is best friends with Andrea. Denise is best friends with Sharon but Sharon is also best friends with Jessica. Monica and Denise can’t be in the same room because they hate eachother. How the hell does that even start? Why does it have to be that black and white? It just confused the shit out of me. But the more I tried to figure out why things were that way, it made me wonder why I didn’t apply to them. I guess it made me wonder if there was something wrong with me.”

Simon gazed at the arch in her shoulders, a subtle sad energy burning in his chest. He moved closer over her, running his hand carefully along the valley in between her shoulder blades. Kate shifted under him, letting out a slow breath.

“The epilepsy didn’t help,” she said. “I mean, there’s nothing better than being around a bunch of people you don’t know and randomly falling on your face, knocking their shit over, having them stand over you staring like a bunch of idiots because they don’t know what the hell to do. Made it kind of hard to pick who you wanted to torture most for that day.”

Her back dropped slightly as she breathed out a frustrated sigh. Simon lowered himself with her, his mouth just inches from her soft skin as he ran his fingers over it.

“Then there were the boys.” Kate laughed, her shoulders tensing. “God, that was a hopeless situation. They don’t tell you in sex ed that girls and guys go through these phases of just… _utter_ desperation. Your life becomes this total cringe-worthy romance novel except there’s no plot and you don’t get the guy at the end. You just suffer until you’re so emotionally destroyed that you give up after about five years. At least that’s for girls pretty much right after puberty. Guys couldn’t care less. Then after the girls are all through it and moved on, the guys go through the same damn thing. Except girls don’t care anymore, so it’s the same, just reversed.”

Simon was hardly listening now as he tilted his head against her back, feeling the smoothness of her skin against his cheek as he continued to run his hand down her spine. He closed his eyes as he took in the sounds of her body, the deep beating of her heart and the soft draw of her breath. The workings of a very different interior than his own mechanized design.

“I’ve never told anyone this,” said Kate. “I um… I had crushes. Two guys actually. The first guy was this absolute prick that everyone hated. He was ugly too. God he was so ugly. He was insanely tall and his teeth were just a total mess. I guess that’s why I picked him. Because I knew no one else would have a crush on a guy like that. He never even had a clue I liked him. Kind of a good thing.”

Simon closed his mouth against her skin, the faint taste of salt and copper causing his heart to race. He moved his hand along her back as he slowly climbed towards her shoulder blades, pressing his mouth against her. Kate shifted underneath him, and let out a soft breath.

“The second─ hmm─” Kate’s body tensed, and Simon felt a wave of satisfaction at the tremor in her voice. “The second guy was a nobody. Some soccer player with probably no other hobby. I didn’t even know his name. I didn’t─ mmm ─ I didn’t bother. One of the girls I knew was friends with him. I saw her talking to him one day and saw her point in my direction. I couldn’t hear much but I definitely heard him say ‘hell no.’ I… I guess─” Kate let out a soft moan and drew a sharp breath in through her teeth as Simon moved further over her back, closing his mouth against her shoulder. He felt Kate’s hand slide into his hair and she breathed out heavily. “─maybe that’s why I’ve always been single…”

He lowered himself against her, one hand gripping her shoulder as he pressed his mouth to her neck. Her hand clenched in his hair and released slowly as her body moved underneath him. He let her turn over, and she rolled onto one shoulder so that she pressed her back up against his chest. She breathed heavily as she turned her head up towards him, gazing at him over her shoulder. Despite himself, Simon felt an overwhelming electric sensation fall over his body. She was still beautiful, no matter what position she was in.

Kate’s mouth spread in a smile as she looked up at him. His heart skipped a beat, making him worry for a moment that his thirium pump had malfunctioned. He could hardly believe she was looking at him like this, her expression completely saturated in sweet joy. She bit her lip, and Simon thought his heart would burst.

“Are you enjoying yourself back there?” she said.

Simon held himself over her, wrapping himself around her body and holding her neck in his hand. He smoothed his thumb over her cheek, a satisfying charge flowing through him as he gazed into her hazel eyes. He smiled. “What do you think?”

Kate opened her mouth as if to speak, seeming to struggle for a moment as she stared at him. Then she let out a breath of laughter, her mouth tensing into a smile. Simon ran his thumb over her lips as he gazed down at her, losing himself in how perfect she looked when she smiled. He was so used to her frustrated and worried expressions. They altered her features in such a dramatic way, making her into someone very different than the person lying underneath him. But the way she smiled, her eyes full of confident energy as they wrinkled at the corners, her cheeks rising and the pull of her lips drawing every feature into the essence of pure joy… it was unbelievable. And what was even more unbelievable was the fact she was doing it because of him.

She raised herself up slightly, and her nose brushed his as he felt her mouth open against his lips. A flash of powerful energy shot through him as he almost took it, and he barely let his mouth touch hers before he drew back slightly, causing her to rise up in an attempt to chase him. A satisfying pleasure fell over him as he felt her breathe against his mouth, and he lowered himself only to pull back again as she made to take his mouth once more. Her hot breath warmed his lips and he felt her smile as she moved into him. The feel of her most precious expression against his skin nearly caused his system to scramble in euphoria, and he found himself breathing a soft breath of laughter against her as he let her rise up, her mouth closing into his.

He breathed in, holding her neck gently as he lost himself in the taste of her mouth. She pressed her hand into the back of his and rolled over a bit to face up towards him as she drew in a breath, taking his mouth again. He found himself lowering down as he twisted into her, the passionate energy he felt in the movement of her body rendering him almost numb. There was no hesitation, no uncertainty. Not even a hint of nervousness in how she was giving herself to him. It filled him with a profound comfort and longing. He wanted her to stay like this forever.

She relaxed down onto the pillows and Simon held himself over her, resting his forehead against hers as he ran his fingers gently through her hair to bring it behind her ear. He could feel her fingertips brushing the backs of his knuckles as he worked, and he raised himself slowly back onto his elbow. Kate gazed up at him, her hazel eyes glinting in the golden light. A jolt of excitement went through him as he watched her bite her lower lip, a behavior he was beginning to learn was a betrayal to her self control.

“Are we done with questions then?” she asked.

Simon smiled as he gazed down at her and continued to brush her hair through his fingers, the need to touch her face overwhelming him. She was watching him expectantly, her eyes drifting over him in a way that made him wonder if she was experiencing the same elation that he was in admiring her. He wanted to lose himself in her again. To draw her into him and begin that madenning journey of chaos and sensation where they were as close to one physical body as they could ever be. A part of her was waiting for him there. He’d felt it when his system nearly burst from her blinding release, every last neural pathway igniting his sensors. It wouldn’t take much to find his way to it. All he needed to do was not stop himself.

Which was what he found himself doing. He breathed out heavily as he gazed at her, the patient spark in her eyes tempting him to let everything go. As a compromise, he satisfied himself in the touch of her hair and the smooth texture of her skin in order to keep himself grounded. There was still so much he needed to know from her. This was important. And as much as he wanted to distract himself in the feel of her wanting him, he was going to have to disappoint her a little bit longer.

He lowered his gaze, running the tip of his finger down the side of her neck. “Why didn’t you tell me about your father?”

The question was difficult to ask, and probably would be even harder for Kate to answer. It included several different questions combined into one, and Simon could see that she realized it as her face softened. He tried not to let it break him as her eyes lost their warmth, becoming more round and serious. Her throat worked, and she looked away from him. It was impossible to tell if she was upset with him for asking, angry at herself, or a combination of both. But Simon held himself strong as he waited for her to reply, calming himself by holding her neck and smoothing his thumb along the delicate angles of her throat. He needed to know, and she needed to answer.

A slight relief swept over him as she closed her eyes, and he felt her thread her fingers through the back of his, her soft palm pressing against his knuckles. She drew in a deep breath. “Because I didn’t want him to matter,” she said.

If Simon’s confusion was visible, she acknowledged it. She pressed his hand to her mouth, her eyes still closed as she seemed to hesitate. Then she turned her head to look up at him, and the trust he saw in her hazel eyes removed any last worries he was feeling for asking her.

“I was an idiot,” she said, a miserable smile tugging at her lips. “Thinking we could come here and not have to deal with people. My dad. Androids. I guess I was an even bigger idiot to think my dad wouldn’t try to get in the middle of everything. I just thought if I could pretend he didn’t exist then he wouldn’t, and I wouldn’t have to think about what I was doing.” She let out a tense breath of air. “Old habits die hard.”

Simon carefully closed his hand, bringing her fingers tighter through his own. “There was no record of him in your contact list. No address, no phone number. Not even a mention of him in your social network.”

Kate nodded, a subtle pride glowing in her face. “Yeah, I killed him pretty good. He tried to stay in touch with me at the beginning but after a while I think he got the message that I wasn’t his daughter anymore. He was still hellbent on sending me money for holidays and stuff, paying for my tuition, birthday cards and things. I figured if I just let him do what he wanted as long as he didn’t try to contact me, eventually he’d just forget about me. I don’t know why he didn’t. Obviously he found himself a new family and a new daughter.”

A frustrating sorrow ached in his chest at her words. He narrowed his brows and pressed his mouth to her shoulder. “What happened to make you hate your father like this?”

He could feel the tension in her body even though he couldn’t see her expression. She shifted, and Simon raised himself as she rolled onto her back underneath him, still avoiding his gaze. He laid partway on top of her, his hand against her neck and his thumb running along her cheek as he looked at her. He didn’t like how uncomfortable she was acting, and wished he could bring her back to the feeling that made her smile for him. At the same time, he held onto everything she said with powerful focus.

“When I was thirteen,” said Kate, and Simon noted a deep anguish in her voice, “my mom dragged me into the living room and said my dad had something he wanted to tell me. I kind of already knew what it was. I mean, I was a smart kid. Rich dad, works for CyberLife, almost never home and when he is home he’s still too busy to act like he has a wife and daughter. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he’d been doing. I guess that makes my mom an imbecile because she acted like she had no clue. She just started screaming at him before he had a chance to say anything… yelling about why she wasn’t good enough, how he could do this to his daughter, how this was the reason for every problem they’d ever had even before I was born. She was screaming about things that didn’t even make sense. And I just sat there in total shock not knowing what the hell to say. So she took that as a sign that I was siding with him, and she started yelling at me to make a choice of who I’d rather have as a parent.”

Her eyes narrowed, and Simon could almost see her memories reflected in them. “I was pissed off, confused, terrified… I told her on the spot that I chose my dad. Thought it would shut her up at least but it didn’t. She just yelled at him about how he’d corrupted me and was teaching me that this was a good thing. That I was a piece of shit human being and it was his fault. She didn’t convince me but she convinced my dad.” Kate breathed out a heavy sigh and rested her hand against her face, her eyes tightly closed. “So that’s why I hate my mom.”

Simon was silent as he gazed at her, a deep dread growing in him. Kate adjusted herself, and drew in a breath. “About a year later, mom’s gone. I’m with dad. Cue the new broad he’d been seeing because now she’s living with us and I’m trying to pretend that it’s not awkward as hell that he’s basically replaced my mom with the woman he was cheating on her with. This… skinny ass barbie of a chick, probably about five years older than I was and half the maturity. I fought with my dad _all the time._ Tried to tell him I didn’t blame him. He wasn’t weak. These things happen. But that he needed to leave her and figure his shit out if he was going to have a chance at being happy again.”

Kate tensed her eyebrows, her eyes still closed. The frustration was lined in her face, and Simon felt his dread morph into a deep pain at the sight of her expression. “This time, it’s his girlfriend who pulls me into the living room,” said Kate. “So I sit down in the same fucking spot, hear this woman complain about the same fucking shit, and I do the same fucking thing. I don’t say a word, and neither does my dad. And she tells my dad to choose. Choose between her or his daughter.”

Kate’s eyes opened, and her expression became dark. She tensed her jaw, her neck flexing as she stared off in thought. Simon found himself drawing back from her slightly at this worrying energy.

Kate shook her head. “You know those movies where the bitch of a girlfriend tells the father it’s either her or his kids, and the dad always chooses his kids and they all drive off into the sunset while the bitch girlfriend stands there pissed off? That didn’t happen.” Kate shifted slightly, and Simon felt her fingers flex between his. “He looked in my face. Right in my fucking face. And he said he wanted her.”

Simon wasn’t sure how to absorb her words as she let out another deep breath and looked away from him. He ran his thumb over her knuckles and gazed to the side at the pillow next to her. In a miserable way, it made sense to him. He could see it all in her, a collection of the isolation, distrust, nihilism, and self-hatred that seemed to fit into what she was saying. It was as though the confusing pieces of her personality were coming together into one solid form.

Kate let out a breath that Simon recognized as miserable laughter. “So I told my dad to go fuck himself, left everything behind here, and I mean─” She motioned with her hand which was still laced in the back of Simon’s so that he raised it with her. “─everything. Basically started a new life at my mom’s. Even switched high schools which sucked. I went straight into college afterwards. I didn’t even take a summer break, I just packed up and moved into the first empty dorm I could find with the least amount of rooms. Jamie moved in a few days after I did and um…” Kate’s eyes flashed in his direction, and he was comforted by the gentle look she gave him as she shrugged her shoulders. “You know the rest.”

Simon was quiet as he held himself over her. He could feel her watching him, her hand flexing against his as she drew her fingers deeper into the spaces between his. He wasn’t sure that she wanted him to say anything to her, or what he even could say if she did. It was hard to picture Richard making that kind of decision considering what Simon knew of him. The man clearly loved his daughter. And there was a kind of chemistry between Richard and Kate that told Simon Kate still loved her father. But at the same time, Kate’s silence about her father and the hesitation he’d seen before they arrived was enough to convince Simon that there was something horribly wrong in their history. Her story proved it.

Kate’s fingers escaped his, drawing his attention back to her as she turned her hand to take his fully. Her expression was blank, her hazel eyes locked on his hand as she smoothed her fingers across his palm. He watched her as she seemed to study his hand, pressing her palm flat against his and splaying her fingers out so that he mimicked her movements. A strange feeling coursed through him as he repeated her story in his mind. There were so many things for her to be angry about. So many reasons why she was as introverted and withdrawn as she was. She’d taken those things which had broken her as a teenager and turned them into strengths as an adult. Those very strengths which Simon had come to admire and learn from in his evolution from machine into what he hoped was his own personality. They’d been seeded under terrible circumstances which he would never have wished on anyone, least of all her. But had they not been, she wouldn’t be the same person that was underneath him now with the touch of her hand threatening to make his system overheat.

He saw Kate move forward, and she touched the tip of her nose to his own. “So, Dr. Simon,” she said, resting back down. Her sideways smile was back, and Simon felt a wave of elation wash over him at the energetic spark in her hazel eyes. “Is there any hope for me or should I just dye my hair black, throw on the eyeliner and start cutting my wrists?”

Simon let out a nervous breath of laughter as he gazed down at her, opening his hand up so that he could trap hers in it more effectively. The dread in his chest was mixing strangely with something that he couldn’t quite identify. It made him restless, and he brought her hand up to his mouth so that he could press it to his lips, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply as he lost himself in the touch of her skin. He wanted to do more. He wanted to take it all from her. A cascade of electricity fell over him as he let go of her hand and moved into her, gripping her shoulder as he closed his mouth against her forehead. She pressed into his chest as he rolled over onto his back, taking her with him by the shoulder so that she fell into the space at his side, her leg drawn up on his thigh and her head resting on his shoulder as she smoothed her hand along his chest. Simon wrapped his arms around her, one hand clutching her shoulder and the other holding her neck as he breathed into the top of her hair.

The dread stabbed at him, and he pulled her tighter into him. “I’m sorry this happened to you,” he said.

Kate was silent for a moment, although he could still feel her fingers brushing his chest. “This?”

He shifted slightly so that he pressed his cheek to her forehead. “This. Everything. Your father, your mother, Jamie, Matt─”

“Don’t you dare say you,” said Kate, and he could feel her tense up into him.

Simon sighed and ran his hand along her arm. “As heartfelt as your story was about your parents, I might rank being intimate with your android and running away from the law for him up in that category─”

Kate raised herself, and Simon found himself gazing into her intense hazel eyes as he felt her hand against his neck.

“You are nowhere near that level of absolute shit,” she said, and the sternness in her voice caused Simon’s heart to race. She tightened her grip on him. “All I’ve ever dealt with are people who manipulate me, who judge me and blame me for everything that’s wrong in their lives. My mom thinks I’m a shit human being. My dad chose a piece of ass over his own daughter. Jamie and Matt fucked behind my back and then abandoned me. Simon, you─” She shook her head as she looked at him, her eyes lit in a frantic energy. “─you’re the only person who’s ever just believed in me. Just accepted me for the broken mess that I am. You picked the worst person in the world to fall for and I’ll never understand why. I’m never going to deserve what you’ve done for me.”

Kate dropped her gaze, and Simon recognized the pain on her face. “After what I did, what I said… this is why you’re better than any human ever will be. Because no one would put up with me. No one _has_ put up with me. You shouldn’t either. I shouldn’t be here, laying with you, and feeling like I’m something that matters─”

“Kate, stop,” said Simon.

“You can’t just keep pushing this aside─”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do.” Kate was holding herself up over him now, her hair falling over one shoulder as she gazed down at him. “I have to say this because if I don’t I’m going to hate myself more and more every day until I forget why I let myself think I had a chance with this. I’ve been horrible to you, Simon. Since the first day you showed up at my door, when I shut you down, treated you like some broken toaster that wasn’t worth fixing…” She traced the crack above his eye with one finger. “I couldn’t even bother to give you a name. And after everything you’ve done. Everything you’ve felt and said. The person─ the actual _person_ you’ve become… I almost let you go. I was going to give up on all of this and try to go back to a normal life. The life you think I deserve but you don’t realize I already have. I hate that I felt nothing when I first met you. I hate that I’ve doubted you every step of the way here. I hate what I said earlier about you not being human like you’re less of a person because of it. Simon, I’m─”

“Kate─”

“─I’m sorry, Simon,” said Kate. Both of her hands were on him now, her thumbs pressed against his cheeks. “I’m so sorry. God I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to make you believe I won’t try to leave you like that again so this is all I can do is tell you how sorry I am.” She moved into him, and Simon felt her forehead press against his as her hair fell forward around his face. “I’m so sorry.”

A sweet shock held him in place as he held onto Kate’s waist. There was a cathartic peace after hearing what she’d said, although he was still troubled by the fact that she needed to say it. He didn’t want her to feel ashamed. She was here with him now, and that was all that mattered. But as she pulled away, her pained hazel eyes meeting his, Simon was taken aback by the slight relief on her face. It occurred to him that her apology was as important to him as it was for her, and that he needed to let her say it even if he didn’t need to hear it.

He pushed himself up, wrapping his arms around her waist and he pulled her into him. She let out a breath as she slid her arms over his shoulders and ran her fingers through his hair, burying her face in his neck. Simon closed his eyes as he held her tightly to him, his hand pressed firmly in between her shoulder blades and the shampoo scent of her hair nearly overwhelming him. He could feel her breath shake against his neck, and he slid his hands tighter around her to reassure her. A satisfying serenity was falling over him as he held her against him, and he could feel her body relax. This was the last time he ever needed to see her so remorseful for not giving him enough. Anything she could give was as precious to him as the thirium in his veins. Although, as he felt her hands drift through his hair and her body tensed around him, he couldn’t help but be glad she was willing to give him more.

She drew her hands to his shoulders and moved back in front of him, her gaze lowered and her face tense as she seemed to compose herself. Simon tilted his head and brushed her hair back behind her ear, a nervous concern floating through him. When she looked up, her hazel eyes brightened and she blew a bit of hair out of her face so that it flew up into the air. Before Simon could do anything, she fell forward against his chest, causing him to drop back down onto the bed.

“Alright, _now_ are we done with your questions?” Her voice was somewhat muffled as though she had her hand pressed to her face.

Simon breathed out a laugh, partly out of joy and part from relief. He turned his head and pressed his mouth into her forehead as she settled back into the shape of him at his side. “We can be done for now,” he said.

“Good,” she said. He felt her hand against his chest and she made slow circles against his skin with her finger. He was just beginning to relax into her when she shifted and made a noise. “Actually, I’ve got some questions for you.”

He turned his head slightly, somewhat stunned. Her hand stopped moving, and he felt her look up at him. “Simon, are you… _nervous?”_ she said.

He tensed his shoulders and then relaxed them as he tried to calm his heart. “A little.”

Kate laughed into his neck, her body drawing up around him. A wave of relief swept over him, followed by elation at the feel of her laughing against him. He couldn’t help his own smile as he pulled her further into him, and her hand went back to making circles on his chest.

“Don’t worry, they’re stupid questions,” she said. He felt her give her head a small shake, and he could swear she was biting her lip again. “What are you… what are you doing when you’re standing but you have your eyes closed?”

It took Simon a moment to understand what she meant. “I’m dreaming,” he said.

Kate’s hand stopped again. She tilted her head. “You’re dreaming.”

“Mhm.”

“I thought you said androids don’t dream.”

“Well.” He picked up her hand and pressed his palm against hers, moving her fingers the way she had done to him. “Androids also don’t feel or want, or choose to ignore protocol.”

“Okay, okay I get it.” Kate seemed to be mesmerized by what Simon was doing with her hand. “What do you dream about?”

“Star Trek, the university, Spot.” He slid his fingers through hers, clasping her hand gently. “Moments like this.”

Kate let out a sharp breath. _“God…”_

Simon shifted to look down at her hair. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just─” Kate sighed and he felt her nose press into his chest. “Sometimes you can be so… god damn romantic.”

He looked at her hand, running his thumb over her fingers. “I’m not trying to be.”

“I know, and that makes it even more fucking romantic,” she said. He felt her clench her hand slightly, and she turned her face back up again to look at it. “And the things you do with your hands…”

She seemed to get lost in his hand again, and he felt her shift against him. “Do you have sensors in your hands?” she said.

“Energy sensors,” said Simon. “Similar to the technology in CT scanners.” He watched Kate touch the tips of his fingers as if looking for them, and was hit by a sudden intrigue. Silently, he let the flesh fall from his hand revealing the shiny white plastic architecture underneath. Kate was frozen for a moment, and Simon wished he could see her face. Then she began to trace the design of his hands, starting at the tips of his fingers and going down to his knuckles.

“Do all androids have this?” she said. Simon shook his head.

“No. This was a specific design feature for monitoring and treating unusual brain activity. It can be used for Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and even some forms of mania.”

He felt her let out a breath. “I guess I never thought about how other people have it way worse.” She opened her hand and pressed it to his. “What do you see when you scan me?”

Simon thought hard about it for a moment, struggling to put the sensation of her scans into words. “Energy and neural activity.”

“So you can’t read my mind?”

“Not in the way I think you mean,” said Simon. “I can’t see images or hear voices. But depending on where the activity is, how strong, and how frequent, I can… decode it. I suppose it’s similar to how you would read a book, or how I would interpret a line of code. And if I let it guide me the way my protocol would, I can… feel things.”

He felt Kate turn her head. “Feel things. What kinds of things?”

“Things my system isn’t capable of feeling,” said Simon. “At first it was basic emotions. All androids are capable of a limited degree of all emotions, but they are strictly regulated so that the emotions don’t risk interfering with protocol. When you had your seizure and I had to scan you, your emotions were erratic. I was able to analyze them, but I didn’t incorporate them. I began letting you temporarily replace my programming with your own emotions when─”

He stopped himself, a sudden wave of shame burning through him. Kate closed her fingers through his, her breath hot on his skin. “When you started scanning my dreams,” she said.

Simon rested his cheek against her forehead, staring off at the wall as he struggled to speak. After a while, he felt Kate move against him.

“My dreams taught you how to feel,” she said.

He nodded. “They taught me want and desire.”

He felt her mouth tense, and he knew she was smiling. She slid her hand over his and pressed it to his chest. “So now you can feel everything a human can feel.”

“Well, not everything.” A nervous twinge crept through him, although he wasn’t entirely sure why. “There are still certain things I… need you for.”

Kate drew in a breath against his skin, and he could tell she was still smiling. “Like what?”

“Like…” Again, Simon felt himself stuck in a strange hesitation. He swallowed, and forced himself past it. “... sexual pleasure.”

He felt Kate open her mouth as if she were about to say something. Then she closed it, and he heard the familiar breath of silent laughter. The nervous twinge was beginning to turn into anxiety but this time there was something oddly pleasant about it.

Kate let out another breath, and her smile was strong against his chest. “Are you saying I literally have to turn you on?”

Simon tried to speak, and found that he had to put more effort into it than he anticipated. “The emotions involved are… complicated. And the effect they have on the body is profound. My software by default included intercourse but I’m beginning to find it easier to… let myself go, so to speak.” He was aware of Kate making slow circles again on his chest, and the feel of her fingers on his skin was unusually sensitive this time. He tensed his shoulders in an attempt to calm himself. “Androids don’t procreate. They have no need for stimulation other than what they can imitate when a human requests it. So there is no software in place for pleasure. I’ve had to create that on my own.”

Kate rose up slightly, supporting herself on one elbow. “So… but you can feel, right?” She looked at him as she circled her fingers on his chest.

Simon let out a small laugh. “Yes, I can feel.”

She slid her hand down his stomach and brought it up again, sending an unexpected wave of numbing electricity through him as she moved over him. Simon tensed as she pulled her hair back behind her ear, gazing over him. “So what does this feel like?” she said.

Simon breathed out sharply, scrambling for a decent answer. Before he could give her one, her head went down and he felt her mouth on his chest, her hands moving down his waist.

“What do you feel?” she said barely above a whisper as she pressed her lips to his skin. He immediately felt his system heat up, his thirium pump going into overdrive driven by the touch of her mouth. The sheer power Kate had over him was enough to nearly send him into shock. She was toying with him, and he couldn’t believe it was working.

Her mouth moved further down, closing against his stomach and creating that debilitatingly satisfying wet sound. Simon let out a deeper breath than he thought possible, running his hands into Kate’s hair as he felt his body involuntarily flex. The fact that he was reacting this strongly without drawing from her own experience left him stunned and in some way thrilled. He avoided the temptation to let the flesh fall from his hand, letting her touch carry him forward.

She breathed out and her breath warmed his skin as she continued to move down, her hands smoothing over his hips. “What─” She closed her mouth just above his groin, and Simon’s breath shook as he closed his eyes. She opened her mouth against his skin. “─do you feel?”

Still fighting for an answer, he raised his pelvis up slightly as she pressed her lips to him again. Electric shockwaves were flowing through him, causing him to clench his hands into her hair a bit harder than he otherwise would have. He couldn’t stop moving. Somehow he feared that if he stopped, she would stop. 

His system jolted as he felt her teeth on his skin, and a low groan escaped him. She was partially laying across him now, her hand trailing up his stomach towards his chest. She breathed out against him. “Tell me…”

Simon drew in a deep breath as he fought to regain control of his system. The electric cascade slowed somewhat, and a strange peace fell over him. As he felt his body drop deeper into the sheets, he relaxed his hands in Kate’s hair, his mind coming into clearer focus and taking in the details of her mouth and hands. He let out his breath in one deep sigh. “I feel… you.”

Kate seemed to freeze for a moment. A slight panic swept through him, threatening to erase the rapture she’d been creating in him. He felt her head turn, and she raised herself so that he could see her expression. Her eyes were wide in a combination of shock and something deeply powerful, her mouth open and her eyebrows slightly narrowed. As Simon frantically struggled to think of what to do to fix the situation, the corner of Kate’s mouth tensed. Then she was moving up into him, her hands grasping either side of his neck as she pulled herself up and closed her mouth over his lips.

Simon gripped her waist, letting her move over him as he took in the exhilarating taste of her mouth. Her body arched into him, and she pulled away enough to rest her forehead against his.

“Do you have any idea,” she said, breathing heavily, “how indescribably sexy you can be?”

Simon breathed against her mouth, brushing his nose against hers in an attempt to draw back the closeness of her. Despite himself, he let out a soft laugh. “Not at all.”

He felt her shoulders drop as she let out a desperate breath of air, and he pulled her in as she took his mouth again. The almost panicked energy in her body was driving his system into a frenzy, and he fought for air with each closing of her lips as she twisted into him. He loved that he could feel how much she wanted him. He loved how she ran her fingers through his hair, her soft cries into his mouth every time he closed it over hers, how she pressed her body into his and wrapped herself around him as if she wanted to become part of him. Nothing she could say would compare to how she was proving herself to him now. He was already hopelessly convinced.

That familiar distant motivation was beginning to tug at him, and he breathed harshly against Kate’s mouth as he let it grow stronger. He ran a hand down her waist and to her hip, the tension in her body sparking a surge of determination in him. With a bit more force than he intended, he gripped her thigh and pulled her onto him so that she was hovering over him, her knees on either side of his waist and her hands against his neck. For a moment, he simply held her there, breathing deeply against her mouth. Then he let himself slide his hands up along her thighs, over her hips to her waist, and back down again, taking in the way it made her wrap her arms around his neck and clench her fingers into his hair as she drew in a startled gasp against his lips. That electric cascade was washing over him again, mixing with his determination in a desperate desire that was focused only on her. She wanted him, and the frantic way she was holding onto him was enough to nearly burst his circuits as he let the powerful energy drive his own reaction to her, preparing himself to become so lost in that wonderful descent into chaos and bliss that involved only her…

The silence was punctured by a soft knocking at the door, causing Simon’s system to grind to a startling halt. Kate froze over him, her body going rigid.

“Kate?” Richard’s voice was muffled from beyond the door.

Simon felt Kate’s hands clench on either side of his neck as she pulled back slightly. Her eyes were wide in terror, and he watched as she screamed a silent _“fuck.”_

“One second!” She stared at Simon as if expecting some kind of solution from him. She mouthed it again, pulling herself back further. Simon was still frozen underneath her, the residual elation mixing with his panic to produce a kind of strange euphoria. Then the mattress dipped as she flung herself off of him, throwing the blankets up as she left.

Simon couldn’t help but watch as she scrambled to dress. She seemed to be blinded by a mixture of confusion, panic, and her own frustration as she picked up an article of clothing only to throw it aside and destroy the neat stacks of clothes Simon had made for her on top of her dresser. A subtle intrigue was growing in him as he watched her visual thought process. She almost infuriatingly pulled on mismatched undergarments and then she couldn’t seem to find a shirt in the mess of clothes she had created. Despite how close they were to unimaginable danger and the agonizing shortness of time, Simon couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his mouth.

There was another knock at the door. “Kate?”

“I’ll be right there!” Kate worked her arms through a blue shirt and pulled it over herself, only to yank it off again when she realized it was backwards. Simon laughed quietly as he watched her stumble forward with one arm still trapped in her shirt as she reached down and snatched her jeans off the floor. Her arm finally free, she stepped into her pants, yanking them up and giving a small hop to pull them snuggly up to her hips.

She seemed to relax for a moment before her eyes fell on Simon. Then her mouth fell open and the panic that lit her face almost made his smile vanish. She moved quickly to the side of the bed, motioning frantically first to the bedroom door and then over his exposed body. Not entirely sure what she expected him to do, he simply brought his arms up and rested his hands behind his head. The look of murder in her hazel eyes sent a nervous wave through him, and for a moment he thought she would scream at him. Then she made a sharp noise, reached down and grabbed the bottom of the tangled blanket and threw it so that it covered him completely.

Something scrambled next to him and he felt something soft and heavy hit his face that he guessed was a pillow. He held perfectly still as he listened to Kate’s footsteps approach the door, and the sound of the door opening.

“Hey! Hey dad, what’s─ what’s going on?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to check on you. You’ve been in your room all day and it’s getting close to dinner.”

“Yeah, I um… sorry I just slept in really late.” Kate’s voice was unnervingly forced, and Simon had to stop himself from pressing a palm to his forehead.

“Well, I was going to invite you down if you wanted to eat. I also have something for Simon. Where is he?”

A tense apprehension gripped Simon as he heard what sounded like someone gripping the door. “He’s─ sorry, he’s in the corner─ charging.”

This time Simon couldn’t stop his quiet sigh and he closed his eyes. There was a short silence.

“Uh huh. Okay, well let him know when he’s done charging that I’ve got a new component for his broken eyebrow. Should be very simple to replace. He could do it himself if he wants.”

“Oh okay.” Kate let out a tense breath. “Alright, I’ll be down in a minute.”

“We’ll see you then.” The door closed, and Simon heard a soft thud against it.

He waited a few seconds before lifting his hand and pushing the blanket off of him, raising himself up onto one elbow. Kate was standing with her back against the door as if bracing it, the panic still fresh on her face. For a while she simply gazed at him, and then Simon felt his nervousness fade a bit as a smile spread across her face and her shoulders shook. He couldn’t help his own quiet laughter as he watched her press a hand to her eyes, her hair falling forward.

“Jesus Christ,” she said, looking back up at him. “What are we, in high school?”

Simon lowered himself back down, and he guessed from the energetic spark in her eyes that he was getting her attention in a way that she didn’t seem to have time for. She let out a harsh breath and moved to the front of the bed, disappearing for a moment and then standing up with his white pants.

“Could you _please_ put some clothes on?” she said, throwing them at him. He straightened as he collected them, and he could see her gathering more of their discarded clothing from the floor. As he pulled his pants up, he glanced at her. She had his shirt over her arm as she went through the pile of clothes on the dresser, opening up t-shirts to look at them, and then set them to the side. He watched her curiously, buttoning his pants closed and standing up from the mess of sheets to move next to her. His movement seemed to catch her attention and she looked up at him.

He reached for his shirt, and was surprised when she twisted away from him. “Hang on,” she said, turning back to scramble through her clothes again. He narrowed his eyes as she straightened and held up a dark blue t-shirt with what he recognized as the Detroit University logo on the front. She seemed to contemplate it for a moment, then handed it to him.

He took it from her, and threw a confused glance at her. She sighed and turned so that she could lean back against the dresser. “Just… put it on.”

“Is there something wrong with my uniform?” he asked. Kate shook her head and made a noise.

“No, I just…” She gazed up at him, and he could see the amusement in her hazel eyes. “I mean, it’s not like the police are going to come arrest you for not wearing an android uniform. I just want to see you in it. Something a human would wear.”

He gazed at her, letting the hope and anticipation in her expression slowly convince him. There was something thrilling in her suggestion. As if he was stepping towards another plane of change. She was right. Non-compliance with android attire specifications was the least of their worries. And somehow, the idea of no longer looking like an obvious android made him feel a sense of power. He was different, after all.

He took the shirt from her and worked his arms through it, pulling it over his head and straightening it over his body. The soft feel of the fabric was so much more different than his own neatly pressed and layered uniform. The absence of the tight blue armband on his upper right arm was the most noticeable. He felt strangely exposed without it, as if everyone was suddenly aware that he was wearing something illegal. The thought was terrifying… and then it was exciting.

He looked up to see that Kate was studying him in his new appearance. A slight smile was playing at her lips, her hazel eyes soft as they scanned up along his body. When she met his eyes, she gave a small laugh. “You…” She let out another breath, and smiled. “It looks good on you.”

Simon ran a hand over his midsection in an attempt to flatten the material. “Your father will notice.”

“Yeah, well.” Kate moved forward and placed a hand over his so that he stopped trying to flatten the shirt. “I’m pretty sure he’s not going to call the cyber police.”

Simon tilted his head and smiled. “I wouldn’t tempt him.”

“I’m not scared of him, and you shouldn’t be either.” Kate’s expression narrowed as she looked at him. “If he was going to turn us in, he would have done it a while ago. I’m pretty sure a t-shirt isn’t going to push him over the edge.”

Simon nodded, gazing at her. Then he moved forward pulling her in and letting his nose brush past hers. His sudden movement spurred a sharp breath from her, and he gave her a moment to absorb the closeness of him. She leaned into him, her mouth opening into his.

“By the way,” he said gently against her mouth, feeling her stop. “Androids don’t need to charge.”

His smile was automatic as he felt her whole body tense. He moved into her and closed his mouth over hers, noting how she seemed not to react. When he pulled away, she was still frozen in a kind of terror, her eyes narrowed and her mouth clenched.

He ran his hand over his shirt again and moved to gather his shoes, hearing a tense sigh and one last silent _“fuck”_ escape her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I write a new chapter I think to myself “Oh my god this chapter is WAY too long. At least the next chapter will be shorter.” Then it turns out even longer than the previous one. I'm working on it, guys. It's getting a little crazy. Although if I had the choice, I would make this entire chapter its own little mini novel. I absolutely loved writing it. I love dialogue and I love romance, and this was the best of both worlds. Simon and Kate in bed naked just talking. Occasionally getting distracted in eachother and then coming back to some serious conversations. I could write this forever.
> 
> This is the first time I've felt fairly confident in Kate. She's been so on the edge about this whole situation and I haven't trusted her at all. If you had asked her a chapter ago whether she even cared whether Simon was found and destroyed or not, she'd probably have just shrugged her shoulders and said “I don't know. Whatever.” But now she seems to be thinking clearly, not just getting lost in Simon and making rash decisions. They still have no clue what they're doing but it just feels... right this time. She'd better not slip up again because I'm so tired of Simon getting screwed over. He deserves the love, damn it!
> 
> Also, Simon is now wearing the shirt we see in the game. I actually only noticed it after I started writing the story and was hunting for chapter art, and realized Simon is wearing a Detroit University t-shirt when Markus first meets him in Jericho. I had to think “huh, there's really only one person he could have gotten that from that would make sense in this story.”


	27. What a Wonderful World

Kate wouldn’t have been able to describe the next few days if she tried. The change she felt in her own outlook on their situation was so startling, she nearly frightened herself. It was her own lack of fear that made her so worried. For the first time, she was able to slow down and simply exist without constantly second guessing every move she made. She felt confident. Secure. Safe. And most important of all, she wasn’t alone.

Surprisingly, Simon hadn’t turned any heads when he appeared out of his uniform. Richard had glanced curiously at him, eyeing the bland blue shirt as if he were looking for the CyberLife logo but never mentioned it or looked at it again. Taylor was conspicuously absent, although Kate wondered if her lifestyle was similar to her own in that Taylor preferred to avoid socializing. Occasionally Kate could hear the steady throb of music from the opposite corner of the house where she assumed Taylor’s room was. Part of her wanted to simply crush her own social nervousness and stop by her room, at least to thank her for listening to her problems. But Kate silently wondered if she was just looking for a reason to change Taylor’s mind about her opinions on androids.

They’d been spending less time in Kate’s room, wandering the house and exploring the rooms that Kate hadn’t seen in years. Simon led the way most of the time, questioning Kate about nearly everything. Some things were new, including what appeared to be a small workshop across from the library. Simon had walked through it slowly, examining each instrument and component which were mostly CyberLife technology but some small collections contained retro computer hardware. Kate had watched him with interest and had to put all her effort into containing the breathless thrill she felt seeing him in her t-shirt, the first thing she’d picked for him simply because she knew it would fit him.

Other areas of the house Kate had to explain to him as if she were a tour guide in a museum. She started with the library which was lined with picture frames scrolling through several slideshows of different stages in hers and her parents’ lives. The living room had been updated although most of what she remembered had simply been moved to a different area. The dining room hadn’t changed at all, and neither had the computer lounge although the technology had been updated. Without knowing why, she showed him the music box in the kitchen, and he gently opened it as she explained it to him, carefully wound a metal coil inside of it, and nearly froze her heart in her chest when he closed it again, bringing with it the nostalgic pinging of the song she’d almost forgotten.

It seemed as if the more uncomfortable his questions were about her past, the more eager she was to answer them. It felt less like she was tearing down the walls she’d built around herself, and more like she was building new ones to redefine what she thought was her tolerance threshold. He brought up the subject of her guitars and this time she had to make some attempt to show that not everything in her past was embarrassing. It took her a minute to retune the strings, and the muscle memory was sluggish although eventually she was able to relax on the floor of her room and strum out a grungy song which she even knew the words to. Simon watched her from the sofa in front of her bed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him and his head tilted to one side. She was somewhat proud of herself, and out of curiosity, handed him the guitar expecting him to pluck at it awkwardly. Her breath was stolen from her chest when he confidently rested it on his knee and expertly strummed a slow tune. She was even less prepared for the sound of his voice which was unbelievably smooth yet still undeniably his. When he’d finished, she furiously threw out every bit of self control she’d been holding onto, taking the guitar from him and dropping it loudly on the floor before climbing onto his lap and finally finding an excuse to pull that god-forsaken shirt off of him.

Detroit winter was ending early that year. The snow had fully melted and the wet landscape it left behind became saturated in greenery. The city was beautiful during the change in the seasons when the clouds broke apart and created rolling layers of dimension in the sky. It was still painfully cold, with mornings crystallized by a blanket of frost which melted in patterns of the shade as the sun moved across the house like a slow scan. A light wind rose in the afternoons, bringing with it a minor relief to the freezing air which mixed with the warm temperatures from the south. It was the only time of the day that was worth leaving the house for, and Kate took the opportunity to brave the cold and finally escape into the backyard.

She could tell Simon wanted to observe the stone architecture of the massive patio. He immediately moved to the raised planters that lined the stone steps to the pool, and he held his hand out as he moved along them so that he just grazed the tops of the ferns. Kate moved slowly past him, folding her sweater against her chest and letting him take his time. However, she didn’t intend to stay long. There was a specific place she had in mind to visit.

She saw Simon look up as she made her way down the steps towards the pool. He seemed to get the idea, and she heard him move after her.

“Are you warm enough?” he said.

Kate shook her head. “Not in the least.” She wrapped her arms tighter around herself, clenching the odd bulky sensor in her fist.

“Do you want me to get you a coat?”

She looked sideways at him as they moved onto the grass, giving him just enough of a scrutinizing glare to give him an answer but accompanied by a smile so he would know she wasn’t serious. He seemed to understand, and resumed gazing at the trees as they walked.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“You’ll see,” said Kate. She raised herself up slightly as if it would help her see through the trees. “If it’s still even here.”

They reached the treeline and she spotted the familiar dirt path winding through the section of trees. It had faded considerably, and the fresh growth along with a blanket of pine needles made it blend into the untamed ground around it. She moved ahead, a strange eagerness taking hold of her. The water’s edge was just visible in between the pillars of trunks, flashing bright white against deep black in the harshness of the afternoon sun. For a moment, a creeping dread twisted in her chest. She should have seen it by now. It was supposed to be right at the end of the path. She quickened her pace, and then a dark structure loomed to her left.

She slowed and let out a soft laugh as Simon moved next to her. The boat house was smaller than she remembered. And if it had been dilapidated before, it was almost in ruins now. The A-shaped frame jutted out into the water with winged attachments on either side. There was a gaping hole in the roof, and all of the windows were missing. The wooden balcony that wrapped around the front had collapsed in one area, creating a deadly pile of debris next to the lower entrance. Nature had reclaimed some sections, with young trees growing out of the planks and sides, and a creeping arm of ivy worked its way up onto the walkway. The place screamed of spiders. For a second, Kate had the temptation to turn around and give up.

But that old thrill was taking hold in her. She’d explored this dangerous playground countless times as a child, never having enough time to fully immerse herself before either her mother or father dragged her away from it. If it hadn’t been for her father’s incessant promises that he was going to restore the old building and add a new boat to match, the structure would probably have been torn down ages ago. She was glad to see that his promises had still held, or at least he’d forgotten about them.

Simon moved forward in front of her, gazing up at the building as he walked along the path. She watched him as he moved. There was something iconic about seeing his perfectly sculpted form in such a ruined environment, his LED blinking yellow against his temple. Kate suddenly wished she had a camera.

She moved after him, stepping up carefully next to him onto the rotted wooden porch. There were broken pieces of furniture on either side of the entrance that she didn’t recognize, or perhaps she just didn’t remember. The double doors were chained together, but whoever originally built the place had gone with glass doors which were now empty. The interior was dark and dusty, vague shapes of stacked furniture and equipment rising from the shadows. It was ominous.

Simon looked sideways at her, and she didn’t need to return his gaze to see his concerned expression. “This place isn’t safe,” he said.

Kate glanced at him, that adventurous thrill pulling at her again. She threw him a challenging smile before stepping over the broken door frame and waving a hanging cobweb out of her face. There was a soft creak behind her which let her know Simon had followed her inside.

She hardly recognized anything. Not that the building had ever been in decent shape. At some point things had been organized at least into stacks, but they had toppled over through the years, breaking into pieces of wood and cushion. There were areas of clear space, draped in spiderwebs, and other areas that were impassable either from the damaged furniture or stored engine parts. In front of them was the boat dock which opened directly into the house, although it appeared that glass had originally separated the two areas. The old boat that Kate remembered was gone. It was odd to think that everything else looked untouched, but that someone had decided to get rid of the boat.

Kate moved towards the open space on the right, waving dust and webs out of her face. She went slowly, stepping over items on the ground that were too buried in dust to identify. “Yeah, this is definitely creepier than I remember.”

“I wouldn’t advise going upstairs.” Simon gazed up at the ceiling. “This structure isn’t entirely stable.”

“Yep,” said Kate, glancing up. “The hole in the roof is new.” She stepped towards the dock, peering into the dark water. A solid oval shape waved just underneath the surface, and she realized that the boat wasn’t gone. It had simply sunk.

She moved away from the dock, the dark depths and shapes giving her an unnerving case of thalassophobia. A plank crunched underneath her and she jumped back into the safety of the house, throwing a glance behind her. “I’m pretty sure this place is violating about a hundred safety codes.”

“We should leave then,” said Simon.

“Are you kidding me?” said Kate. She held the sensor in front of her and fumbled with the switches. “We have to at least try.”

She could see Simon staring at her, and she couldn’t hide her smile as she struggled to turn the instrument on. “What is that?” he asked.

“It’s an EMF detector,” she said. She looked up at him and shrugged her shoulders. “Look, I couldn’t resist.”

“Are you looking for electric cables?” he said. Even through the dark and haze, Kate could see him narrow his blue eyes.

“It’s─” She pressed a palm to her forehead, already knowing how stupid this would sound. “Supposedly it detects ghosts.”

He was quiet for a moment. “You said you don’t believe in ghosts.”

Kate laughed, finally hearing a small pop as the dial swung back and forth on the meter. “Yeah well, I’m up for having my mind changed.” The dial fluctuated wildly, and she rotated around as she tried to pinpoint it. A light sigh left her. “Huh, I didn’t really count on this.”

She moved forward as the dial swung steadily upward, and it peaked as she found herself standing in front of Simon. She looked up at him, and he was gazing at her with a mix of curiosity and skepticism. She lowered the detector and blew a bit of hair out of her face. “Well, you make ghost hunting a little difficult.”

He cocked his head to one side. “I don’t see how electromagnetism confirms the presence of ghosts.”

“It doesn’t. It just…” Kate sighed, resting her back against the wall. “It’s stupid. The belief that ghosts use electricity to manifest, they can’t cross over water, they’re either residual or intelligent, they use mirrors to pass from one world to the next… it’s all bullshit.”

Simon nodded towards the detector. “Then why do you look for them?”

She looked up at him, struggling to find a solid answer. A heavy sigh escaped her, and she waved the detector. “I guess because it’s fun.”

His eyes tensed for a moment, and she could see he was thinking. “How is bullshit fun?”

Kate fell forward slightly as she let out a burst of laughter, catching herself with her hands on her knees. She drew up, brushing her hair back and taking a deep breath as she failed to hide her smile. “That’s how.”

His LED spun yellow for a moment, and Kate couldn’t help the guilty but satisfying feeling that she was making him terribly confused. She set the EMF detector down on a cluttered table, watching as the hand continued to swing back and forth wildly. “I don’t know,” she said, staring down at it. “There’s something about not having a scientific answer to a really obvious problem that makes people want to come up with bullshit stories in order to explain it. Actually, the whole idea of ghost hunting is to prove that ghosts _aren’t_ real.”

Simon moved away, and she looked up to see him step towards the dock. He straightened carefully as he gazed into the murky waters. “It seems strange to believe that ghosts aren’t real, yet still have a need to prove that they aren’t real.”

“Vanity,” said Kate. She noticed the meter calmed as Simon moved further from it. “You get to rub it in the faces of people who do believe in ghosts if you’re able to find a logical explanation for it. People see a curtain move and it doesn’t occur to them that it’s just the wind. Or they hear footsteps when it’s really just a raccoon in their attic. I mean, if we’re going by the EMF detector, you’re the strongest evidence of ghosts so far.”

He looked back at her as he moved further down the room, and Kate could see the smile in his blue eyes before he turned away to gaze at what appeared to be an old stereo. She watched him as he reached out and touched the panel on the front, getting no activity from it. He moved on through the boat house, and Kate felt that electric thrill burn through her at his inquisitiveness. It was as if he knew more about the world than he was willing to admit, and Kate found herself humbled by it.

The floorboards creaked under him as he gazed down one wing of the building, his form now only a black silhouette in the shadows. “What’s the problem?” he asked.

Kate tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. “Huh?”

“The obvious problem.” He looked towards her before turning towards the sitting area and moving along the front of the couches. “That people need to make up stories for in order to explain it.”

It took longer than she expected for his question to make sense. She crossed her arms over her chest, struggling to find a straightforward answer. “I guess… it’s death.”

Simon paused and she saw his silhouette glance up at her. She shrugged her shoulders in an attempt to keep the mood light. “No one wants to die but I guess we’re all headed towards it one way or another. It’s the price we pay for being human.”

There was a flash of yellow that Kate understood to be his LED. “You say that as if you’re being punished.”

Kate glanced down, gripping her arms. She let out a sigh. “Maybe we are. A lot of us waste our lives doing stupid things. Bad things.” She watched as the meter went still besides the occasional twitch. “Another bullshit story we have is that we were punished with mortality for disobeying God and eating an apple from the tree that he told us not to eat from. Made us see the truth. We became aware of ourselves. So now instead of living forever, we get only a hundred years to completely screw up our lives.”

Simon was silent. Kate looked up at him to see that he was still standing motionless in the sitting area, a yellow glow flashing against the wall next to him. “So in a sense you… deviated,” he said.

A strange awe floated through her. She stared at Simon, and then laughed in disbelief. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

He looked away from her, and Kate could see from his posture that he was tense. His shoulders were drawn, and his head bowed. Through the shadows, she watched as he brought a hand up and rubbed the back of his neck.

Kate tilted her head. “Hey, are you okay?”

He seemed to pause for a moment, his hand resting against his neck. “I don’t want to live forever.”

The statement caught her off guard. A raw sense of reality fell over her as she absorbed what he’d said. She shifted uncomfortably to shake it somewhat. “Why not? No one wants to die.”

He looked up at her, his face still hidden by the shadows. “But you’ll die. Someday.”

Her stomach twisted as she found herself unwittingly speculating what he was implying. His concern dawned on her, and she felt a sickening dread. It hadn’t occurred to her that what she’d been saying would affect him in this way. His tense silhouette turned, and his fear was obvious even in the dim light of the boat house. Kate couldn’t help but suddenly picture what it would be like for him years from now when this whole situation was completely different. When they would be physically incompatible. When she wasn’t physically here at all. But Simon would be. He would experience all of it, and keep going long after.

She forced the thoughts out as quickly as she could, straightening and taking a deep breath. Her nervousness faded, replaced by artificial determination. “There’s nothing we can do about it.”

Simon paused in front of the stereo again, and this time she could see the worry in his blue eyes. He gazed at her, his eyebrows drawn so that they brought more worried light underneath them. “It makes me afraid to know that I can’t stop it.”

She met his gaze, and despite herself felt her heart skip a beat. She shook her head and gave him a small smile. “Then you’re missing the point.”

His worried expression narrowed slightly in confusion. Kate threw a glance to the side, her smile growing stronger. “It’s not worth it to prove that ghosts exist, or that there’s a god in the sky, or to come up with some magic pill that makes us live fifty years longer than we should,” she said. “You can get obsessed with trying to find some loophole. Some evidence that everything doesn’t just end when our bodies shut down. And the fact that you don’t know for sure just makes you panic. It makes you worry about something that you have no control over and that’s going to happen no matter what. You’ll lose the only thing that you do have control over.” She looked at him, and he was staring at her as though he was hanging on to her every word. She hung her head slightly so that her hair fell sideways. “How to make the most of the time that you don’t know you have left.”

There was a strange energy in his eyes, something between hope and concern. He glanced down and his jaw tensed. “I have five-hundred eighty-three years, one month and ninety-three days until my quantum battery loses its charge. I can replace it before that happens. As long as I’m not irreparably damaged in that time, there’s no reason I won’t essentially live forever.” His gaze met hers, and she recognized the pain in his blue eyes. “But will it be worth living?”

“Yes.” The abruptness of her statement surprised even Kate. She held onto it, a strange power filling her with strength. “It’s always worth it to keep going.”

Simon shook his head. “But without you─”

“Without me you’ll still be just as important,” she said. “If not to me then to someone else. In what you do, what you say, the changes you survive through. You’ll take what you’ve gained and…” She shrugged her shoulders. “Carry it with you. Just like you will with everyone else you meet. It’s the only way people can get through this crazy life when the people they love die, otherwise we’d be the most suicidal animals in existence. The only way we enjoy what we have is because we don’t think about how we’re eventually going to lose it.”

Simon seemed to relax a bit, although Kate could still see the tension in his shoulders. He stared down at the stereo, his LED now spinning a calm blue. She knew he was still thinking about it, and she couldn’t help the subtle guilt that crept through her. It was easy for her to tell him not to worry considering when that time eventually came, she wouldn’t be the one left behind. A curiously fragile future lay ahead of them, and an even longer one would continue for him. She could try to imagine what that future would be like for him, but the anxious feeling was threatening to return. Instead she rooted herself back into the present, focusing on the chill of the air and the musty smell of the boat house.

Kate moved forward, raising her hand to touch a hanging chandelier that seemed to be displaying better artwork in the form of cobwebs than in the metalwork. There was clicking and grinding, and Kate threw a glance back to see that Simon had opened the top of the stereo and was working the electronics inside it with one hand. She turned away, walking carefully along an open path between the stored objects and the counter that ran along one wall. The shapes of the items were just barely identifiable underneath the layer of dirt and dust that coated them, revealing old fishing poles, jars of nuts and bolts, fishing lures, and looped coils of rope. A lingering sense of disappointment tugged at her chest as she examined the countertops. It was strange that someone had put so much effort into utilising the boat house only for it to have been abandoned and taken back by nature.

“How would you choose to live your life?” said Simon. Kate stopped and looked back at him, and he glanced back up at her with a nervous expression that told her he was rethinking his own question. “In a perfect world, I mean.”

Kate let out a small laugh. The casual tone of his voice had sounded unusually authentic. “I don’t know,” she said. “I thought I knew what that was but I think I was mostly just telling myself what I should want rather than going with what I really wanted. I guess it’s easier for me to say what I don’t want.”

Simon looked up at her again, still working noisily on the stereo. Kate drew her shoulders up as she moved back towards the dock. “I don’t want to just drift through life, taking the easy road and existing at bare minimum. I don’t want to do what people tell me I should do, or even what I tell myself what I should do. I want to be able to change people’s minds. Tell them they’re capable of so much more and to question everything instead of just settling on what’s easiest. I don’t… I don’t ever want to be satisfied.”

She ran her hand through her hair as she tried to break down her thoughts a bit more. There was a blue line on Simon’s wrist, and she realized that his skin had drawn back as he manipulated the different components inside the stereo. She gazed sideways at him. “I guess I don’t know what the hell I want. I’ve spent so much time knowing what I don’t want that I never really stop to think about what I actually want.”

Simon kneeled, looking carefully at the panel with his blue eyes narrowed in focus. “Do you want to stay here with your father?”

“God no,” she said, sighing and putting her forehead in her hand. “I want to get as far away from here as possible. I just don’t know where, when, or how to do it.” She rested her hands on the table in front of her, staring out at the lake. “This place has a way of making you feel stuck.”

She watched as he pressed his hand to the panel, his LED flashing yellow. A curious fascination swept through her as the intricate blue lines on the exposed plastic of his hand also flashed in unison with his LED, something she had never noticed before. A small smile tugged at her mouth. “What about you?”

Simon looked up at her, a hint of surprise on his face. “Me?”

“Yeah.” She turned around so that she rested back against the table, her hands gripping the edge. “What do you want to do with your life?”

He glanced down, and the lights on his hand went dark momentarily. “I suppose… I want to discover who I am. As a person.”

Kate flexed her hands on the table as she smiled. “Well, you don’t need to spend a whole lifetime to figure that out. Especially with the amount of time you have.”

He raised his head slightly as he seemed to contemplate again. “Then I want to fly a ship.”

Kate snorted, and then doubled over as she laughed. It took her a while to compose herself enough to look up at Simon who had resumed tinkering with the stereo, a sideways smile on his face.

“You want to fly the U.S.S Enterprise,” said Kate, interrupting herself with a fit of laughter again. “You want to be in Star Trek… Simon…” She pinched the bridge of her nose as she shook. “Do you think the future is Star Trek?”

“I have no idea,” he said. “I haven’t been there yet.”

Kate shook her head, unable to keep her laughter under control. “God, when people said I was obsessed with Star Trek, that should have been a warning.”

“I can appreciate the realistic qualities of Star Trek,” said Simon. “Progress, exploration, and stability.”

Kate shook her head. “Well, you picked a hell of a life goal. I’m pretty sure it will take more than five-hundred years to accomplish galactic peace.”

“Kate.”

She looked down at him, and saw his eyebrows raised and his sideways smile still pulling at his lips. “I just want to fly a ship,” he said.

Kate let out another laugh, pushing off from the table and running a hand through her hair. “Yeah, well you’re probably going to have to wait a while for that one.” She dragged her hand over the table and tapped on the EMF meter which was fluctuating again. Part of her wanted to elaborate on what he really meant, but somehow she felt that he wouldn’t want to answer her. She could guess what he’d wanted to say. It really wasn’t that hard. It had been obvious for the past few days. And the more time she spent with him, the more she felt it becoming a wonderfully solid part of her new life.

The EMF detector was making noise as it swung, and Kate brought herself out of her thoughts as she narrowed her eyes at it. The little instrument was going wild. She glanced curiously behind her, then moved the instrument further down the table. The signal became stronger. She looked up, expecting some kind of appliance or modern electronic that she had missed. Everything was dark and covered in dust. She looked down again, and picked up the meter. The needle swung, then rested quietly.

A burst of sound behind her caused her to jump. She spun, and with a hammering heart realized that the lights on the stereo had turned on, and the panel was dancing. Simon stood up and pressed his hand to the panel, and the blaring music faded to a tolerable level. Kate shook her head, calming herself with a deep breath and feeling generally impressed by the fact Simon had brought a twenty year old stereo back to life. As she moved away from it, her attention was grabbed by the EMF detector which had started to swing again.

The stereo noises were interrupted by static as the channels changed, bringing with it clips of news reports, country songs, advertisements, and hip hop. Kate gazed through the shadows and drifting dust at the workshop in front of her. It was too dark to confidently identify any of the equipment, and she felt an eerie intrigue sweep over her. She held the EMF detector in front of her, and the meter swung to the extreme. Her eyes tensed, and she gazed over the instrument at the pile of parts. It was nonsense. Bullshit. But at the same time, she couldn’t help a growing apprehension which formed in her stomach.

She heard something move behind her, and she glanced back to see that Simon had stepped away from the stereo and was standing next to her. A soft smile lit his face, and it took Kate a moment to realize he was holding his hand out to her.

She stared at him, her mind struggling to understand what he meant. Then she noticed the music that the stereo had been playing quietly. It was a slow symphony, something that might be played at a formal wedding or dinner party with a hint of jazz. As the apprehension in her gut wrenched tighter, she recognized the song as a slower version of What a Wonderful World.

Kate immediately shook her head before she could stop herself. “Oh god. Oh no, I’m not─” She sucked in a terrified gasp as Simon moved into her, taking the detector from her hand and setting it on the table before clasping her hand in his. Her heart hammered in her chest as she watched his every movement. “Simon─ oh god, please don’t make me do this.” His hand was at her waist, and she buried her face in his shoulder as she attempted to hide her terrified grin. “Christ, I’m gonna die…”

His cheek pressed lightly against her temple as he swayed gently back and forth, and Kate could feel his smile. She clutched his shoulder, her eyes tightly closed as her blinding panic expressed itself in the form of tense laughter. She felt him flex his hand in hers, and a breathtaking thrill mixed with her panic. This was so humiliating. So shockingly unexpected. But as he pulled her closer into him, moving her in a general rhythm with the slow beat of the song, she found herself wishing it would never end.

She bit her lip as she forced her body to relax, willing herself to simply accept that she was doing this with him. For the moment, she was content to simply hide her face in his neck, gripping his shoulder in a way that passed as what she thought was correct but still enough off-center that she could excuse herself from being too enthusiastic about it. Simon, on the other hand seemed completely at ease, one hand on the curve of her waist and the other hand holding hers carefully as though it were made of glass. He acted as though he’d done this a thousand times.

The soft feel of his skin and the fresh linen scent of his body was starting to take over. Kate felt her heart begin to pound for an entirely different reason, and she pulled herself away slightly so that she could look up at him. It didn’t help. That teasing smile was still on his lips, and every detail from the kind look in his eyes to the faint freckles on his skin was making Kate feel as though she were floating. She shut her eyes and smiled to keep herself grounded. “I’ve never done this before in my _life,”_ she said.

His shoulders jolted and Kate felt him let out a breath of laughter. When she opened her eyes, his smile had grown more compassionate. She felt the air nearly freeze in her chest as he leaned in slightly. “Neither have I,” he said.

That floating feeling was in control now. Kate’s head spun, and for a second she couldn’t tell if they were moving or standing still. With a desperate but relieved surrender, she let out a breath and fell into him, pressing her forehead to his cheek and losing herself in the close feel of him. Her body finally relaxed, her eyes closing and every sensation heightened to take in every aspect of him. The angled shape of his shoulder was driving her insane as she held onto him, every ridge from his collarbone to the muscles and dips in his neck was too perfect, and the way he moved… the gentle sway that was enough to be considered dancing but slow so that they stayed in one place. She could do this. She could let herself go and never find herself again. It hardly seemed a worthy sacrifice compared to the elation he was filling her with.

She tilted her head, opening her mouth and drawing in a helpless breath of air against his neck. “How do you always know how to do this…”

His thumb smoothed down hers, and she felt electric sparks as he grazed her wrist. “Do what?” he said barely above a whisper. The sound of his voice made her curl herself against him, and she braved letting go of his hand so that she could touch his face.

“This,” she said. It was difficult for her to control her own voice, as if she didn’t have the strength to fully speak. “Taking my breath away. Draining all the power out of me in the most─” She felt her breath hitch as she drew her hand along his neck, running her thumb over his cheek. _“─provocative_ way. As if this is what I was made for. Everything I’m afraid of, everything that I’m trying to hide from is what’s keeping me alive.” She ran her hand back and laced her fingers into his hair, pressing her body into him. She let out a breath and absorbed the feel of his cheek against her forehead. “You’re saving me.”

His hands were sliding up and along her back, his swaying getting slower. She felt him open his mouth near her ear. “Keep going,” he said.

She smiled, pressing her lips to his neck so that he could feel it. “I thought I would never feel like this. I thought this was something I should avoid. That I was better than it like it was a sin. That feeling of being terrified and in ecstacy at the same time.” Simon let out a breath and tilted his head so that he pressed his open mouth to her cheek. His hands were tightening against her, and Kate fought the urge to drop her head back. “I said I didn’t know if a million other people are like us. Simon… if there’s no one else in the world who feels this, who feels what you make me feel, then we exist somewhere else.” She drew her hand back along his jaw and ran her thumb over his bottom lip, her heart nearly bursting from her chest as she breathed heavily against his neck. “Every time I think I can’t fall any more in love with you than I already am, you prove me so wrong. And my whole world falls apart…”

His sudden breath was hot against her skin, and he brought his hands up to hold either side of her neck, his fingers sliding through her hair. Kate’s body was electrified as she breathed against his open mouth, his nose pressed to her cheek. There was a buzzing, and she gripped the front of his shirt as she felt her mind open up. He flooded her with his presence, every part of her becoming deliciously exposed. She fought for air as he ran both his thumbs over her cheeks.

“Tell me,” he whispered against her mouth. His head fell slightly sideways, and he breathed in as she breathed out. “Tell me, Kate…”

She found herself faltering, the urgency in his voice making it too precious to say. She knew what he wanted. He wanted her to say it out loud in a way that he could believe it. In a way that she would believe it. Even though every part of her was burning so strongly that she knew he would be able to feel what she was going to say. It was terribly overdue. She should have done this a long time ago.

She slid her hands further up along his neck as she breathed into him, drawing up her strength. The tension in his body was nearly sending her into a frenzy. “Simon,” she barely managed to whisper. “Simon, I lo─”

A sudden crashing made her jump into him. She threw her arms around him and he caught her, stumbling back a few steps. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought it would leap from her chest. After a few belligerent moments, she looked up.

Simon had an arm around her waist and his other around her shoulder with his hand in her hair, forming a protective shield around her. He was gazing towards the workshop, and although Kate couldn’t see his LED, his expression was narrowed in confusion. She followed his gaze, frantically analyzing the shadows.

Nothing moved. She couldn’t see what had fallen, although from the sound of it, it had been something massive. Her mind was scrambling on overdrive, struggling to comprehend the situation. She didn’t know if she should be afraid. Her mind was trapped in a strange limbo of emotions. As they stood in silence, the stereo continued on behind them, moving on to a different tune.

Kate slowly loosened herself from his grip, standing straighter to look for the source of the sound. “What the hell was that?”

Simon was standing perfectly still, his eyes still narrowed as he scanned the room. Kate glanced at him, and then her eyes fell to the EMF detector. Her stomach lurched as she saw it was twitching in the red.

“We should go,” said Simon.

Kate shook her head in disbelief. “You’ve got to be fucking─”

There was another loud bang from somewhere in the corner of the room. A burst of panic sent Kate stumbling backwards towards the exit. _“Holy shit!”_

Simon was moving quickly after her, and without thinking, she bolted through the room, leaping through the broken double doors and slowing as she reached the trees. Simon slowed next to her, turning sideways to look back at the boat house.

“Are you serious?” Kate laughed as she ran her hands through her hair, a giddy panic still coursing through her. “There’s no way. No way that actually happened.”

Simon threw a glance at her as they walked, and she could see the corners of his mouth tensed in a skeptical smile. She fell forward slightly as she struggled to contain her laughter, a frustrating stubbornness holding her fast. “Did you see what it was?” she asked.

“Only a glimpse,” said Simon. He raised a blond eyebrow at her. “I doubt it was a ghost.”

“Well, what was it? An animal?” Kate looked through the trees, a bubbly chill gripping her as if expecting to see it right next to them. “Was it a cougar? I can’t remember if there’s cougars out here.”

“If it was a cougar we’d probably be dead,” said Simon. Kate let out a laugh, gazing at him.

“Are you saying you couldn’t take on a cougar?” she said. Simon gave her the same scrutinizing glare with a smile that she had given him earlier which on his face made his blue eyes look even more intense.

“A cougar would rend and destroy me in seconds,” he said.

Kate stared at him, then raised her eyebrows as she glanced away. “Well, that sucks. I guess I’d have to get a regular boyfriend.”

Simon was silent. Kate let it sink in for a moment, knowing he was probably fuming inside. She moved slightly sideways and bumped his shoulder without looking. When she finally did, his expression was narrowed and tense. He gazed back at her, and she gave him a weak apologetic smile. She held it there, and then she saw it. The corners of his mouth tensed, and he quickened his pace after her.

She stepped sideways out of the trees, holding her hand up. “Don’t you─”

Simon made a grab for her and she darted backwards across the grass. “Don’t take it so personally!” she said. The bright smile on his face as he lunged forward again was utterly contagious, and Kate couldn’t stop her own smile as she dodged him again. He seemed to be purposely letting her escape, his long smooth strides too carefully placed for him to be failing so miserably, with an occasional jump when she was close enough. Kate walked backward in front of him, raising a finger towards him. “You can’t expect me to spend the rest of my life like a vestal virgin─”

Simon bolted forward, and she let out a shriek as she felt his shoulder on her stomach and the ground loomed up in front of her. Her shriek turned into a laugh as she frantically clutched at his shoulders to stay steady. “Oh my god, what the fuck─”

She screamed again as she felt him purposely tip her backwards over his shoulder so that her legs nearly flipped. She scrambled to grab at his back, adrenalin burning through her as she centered again, half-screaming and half-laughing nonsense. “Jesus Christ what the hell are you trying to do─ don’t fucking drop me─”

His hand loosened around her legs for just a moment, and Kate felt another burst of adrenaline causing her to grab at him and let out another shriek. She clenched her eyes shut as she laughed uncontrollably, her body beginning to ache at how hard she’d been laughing. Just as his shoulder was beginning to get uncomfortable, the ground disappeared, and Kate felt pressure across her back as she found herself looking up at him. He carried her with one arm under her shoulders and the other supporting under her knees. She panted heavily, wishing she could stop laughing for just a moment so she could catch her breath. The expression on his face was making it hard for her to do that. His blue eyes were bright, wrinkled at the corners along with his smile that Kate was so unused to. He didn’t just look happy. He looked proud, surprised, relieved, and so many other things all at the same time. It didn’t take long for her to understand. He was happy because she was happy.

He twisted slightly and dropped her legs so that she could stand in front of him, but she held him to her with her arms wrapped over his shoulders. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from his expression. It was so rare. So beautiful. And the breathless feeling it was filling her with made this seem unbelievably precious. She wanted to see him do this more. It was only a small thing to wish for.

She saw him glance up towards the house and then his eyes fell on her, his smile threatening to drop. A small panic burned through her.

“We’d better get back inside,” he said. “It’s going to be dark─”

“I love you,” she said.

Simon tensed, his blue eyes widening and his mouth opening as if he’d been stunned. Kate held onto his neck, pressing her thumbs against his jaw and moving closer into him. “I love you, Simon. I love you. God I love you.”

She breathed against his mouth, an electric cascade washing over her. His hands were tight against her sides and he seemed to hold her back. She drew back slightly, gazing up at him to see that his blue eyes were somewhat nervous although she recognized the desperation in them. She straightened and glanced away.

“Is someone watching?” she asked. She looked back up at him and saw his eyes flick back towards the house. He gave a slow nod.

Kate brought her hands up higher, running her thumbs along his cheeks as she felt what she thought was apprehension. That electricity was coursing through her body, forcing her into action. She breathed heavily as she gazed at his face, every feature of him throwing her senses into chaos. When she met his eyes again, she let it overwhelm her.

She bit her lip and tightened her hands on him. “I don’t care.”

She raised herself, twisting into him as she pulled him in and closed her mouth against his. The debilitating closeness of him brought back that feeling of floating on air, and she paused against him to let him accept this. Then he pulled her in by the waist, his hands climbing up her back as he took her mouth, drawing in a deep breath against her cheek. Kate arched into him as she drew her hand up his neck and into his hair, pulling him tighter into her. She couldn’t get enough of this. The tension in his body, the pressure of his hands on her back, the saline taste of his mouth, and the overwhelming feeling that he was experiencing the same thing with her. It was unbelievable.

His hand ran along her side and she felt him cup her neck with his fingers laced in her hair as he brushed his nose against hers, twisting to the other side and taking her mouth again. Kate fell further into him, her body losing strength as she let him wrap himself around her. When he paused against her, she pulled away just enough to meet his eyes. He gazed at her for a moment, breathing heavily so that his breath warmed her lips. Then the corners of his eyes wrinkled again, and Kate was swept away by his elated smile.

She felt herself smiling as well, spurred on by his own energy and noticing that it made his expression stronger. When she moved back into him, her lips brushed his, and there was a satisfying tension in his mouth as she closed her mouth against it. She hoped that every time she did this with him that it would feel as good as it did now. It was worth every risk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! Kept this chapter under 10,000 words at least. Still really long but hey, it's an improvement. Again, I had to fight the impulse to just keep going with their conversation. If I could, I'd write 500 pages of Quentin Tarantino-like bullshit. It's the best kind of dialogue.
> 
> It was so refreshing to write a chapter where Simon and Kate are just being... together. She's still doing her best to make up to him and be open with him, and of course Simon is so damn submissive he'll always forgive her. The beginning summary is actually something I wish I could write, but I've never seen or been able to write a music scene that isn't just a wall of lyrics or the struggling description of someone soundlessly blurting out what we're told is supposed to be music. I did have specific songs that they play but I didn't want to seal it in stone in the story. Kate plays Layne Staley's section of Don't Follow by Alice in Chains. Then when she hands Simon the guitar, he takes the hint in her taste for music, and plays Black Gives Way to Blue also by Alice in Chains. Now try to imagine that silky smooth voice coming out of Simon and tell yourself you wouldn't also throw yourself at him and rip his clothes off.
> 
> Their conversation in the boat house got a little dark. I was intending it to be mostly light-hearted and fun while they look for ghosts, but I think it turned out much better this way. Serious points were brought up, and concerns were raised. We're still nowhere near done with what needs to be said, but we seem to be moving forward.
> 
> It took FOREVER to write the last section because I loved it so much. I was melting the whole time describing how Simon and Kate were dancing together, and how they just fall apart in eachother's hands. What a couple of gooey saps. I hope this never changes.


	28. The Ghost

Data’s words drifted through Simon’s mind as Kate lay against him, her head on his shoulder and one arm draped across his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy, if he ever had been. There was a change in everything around them, from the weight of the atmosphere to the temperature in the air, and even the people around them. It was as if the world had righted itself after a cold dark storm, and they had finally found the light of the sun. He appreciated it, remembering how important it was to know the difference between the good and the bad. But even as he did, he knew that this wasn’t just the high compared to the low. This was the way things should be. He needed to do everything he could to keep it that way.

So he absorbed the feel of Kate against him, pressing his mouth to her forehead and breathing in the fresh scent of her hair. Carefully, he ran his hand slowly up her arm, brushing his fingers into her hair and drew in the stream of activity as the flesh drained away from his hand. Her thoughts were random and wild, chasing after evolving emotions. He let out a soft breath and turned his head to take in more of her against his cheek. She was asleep.

Keeping his hand laced in her hair, he gently moved away from her, resting her head on the pillow and placing her arm on the sheets until he was free. He quietly stood up, checking one last time through his scan to be sure that she was still fast asleep. When he drew his hand away, a subtle tension began to climb through his system. He didn’t want to leave her. Everything in his circuitry was urging him to simply fall back into bed with her and wrap himself around her. But he couldn’t fight off the worry that bit at his nerves. This needed to be addressed. Now was the only time he would be able to do it.

He moved across the room and quietly opened the bedroom door, pausing for a moment to look back at Kate who was still lying the way he’d left her, half-covered in the blanket with one arm under her pillow and the other bent on the mattress. Her sleeping expression was different, her closed eyes more relaxed and her face incredibly peaceful. Simon drew in a breath as he felt his thirium pump quicken. Then he closed his eyes before turning away and he moved out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Now that he was alone, he was able to focus his thoughts. He walked quietly to the stairs, taking care as he stepped down them to keep the sound of his footsteps to a minimum. As he gazed into the living room, the moonlight shone in beams of silver through the windows, lighting up the furniture. This would make his job easier. He wouldn’t even need a flashlight.

He quietly moved across the living room and opened the door to the back patio, bringing a wave of frozen air into the house. As he stepped out into the cold night, he felt moisture collect on his skin. If he’d been human, his breath would have fogged in the air. A nervous urgency encouraged him to hurry up. He didn’t want to leave Kate alone for long.

He closed the door and walked down the stone steps, taking care to avoid the water puddles which were most likely frozen in this temperature. The moon lit the landscape in a washed out silvery-blue light, draining the color from everything around him. Simon looked back at the house as he moved and half-expected to see someone watching through one of the windows like he had seen only a few hours prior. The house was dark. All of the windows were closed. It brought an unnerving stillness to the area compared to the beautiful energy it had during the day.

The grass crunched under Simon’s shoes as he stepped out onto the grass. The foliage glittered around him under the faint light of the moon in a frosted state of suspension. He increased his optical exposure despite the moonlight, and felt his apprehension grow as he neared the treeline. It was difficult not to turn back. The temptation to simply wait until morning, or to even send Clark instead was powerful. But he knew he’d never be able to relax while he had his suspicions. He needed to do this tonight.

The trees passed overhead, and the light of the moon was filtered through the sticks and branches. The ground was uneven in front of him, and Simon had to focus both on moving carefully and where he was going. Eventually the white highlights of the water appeared, rippling against a sea of black. Simon gazed to his left as he stepped out of the trees, and felt a nervous twinge as he recognized the dark triangular shape of the boat house in front of him.

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves as he headed towards it. A strange need to be more quiet took over and he moved slower, stepping carefully up onto the wooden porch so that he made as little noise as possible. It wasn’t easy. The wood was rotted and weak, bending easily under his weight. Simon paused in front of the empty double doors, the apprehension burning stronger now that he was here. It wasn’t worth it to turn around now. There was no going back. Forcing his hesitation to the side and gathering his strength, Simon stepped over the wooden door frame and entered the dark building.

He noticed that the stereo was silent. It could have been that the charge he’d passed to it wasn’t enough, but he doubted it. The missing windows in the boat house aided him in that they allowed more of the moonlight to filter in, lighting up the otherwise completely dark interior. He scanned the building from where he stood, focusing on every piece of furniture, every corner, and every stored object. Nothing moved. The place was quiet and still.

Simon moved slowly to the left towards the workshop, still studying everything as he went. The EMF detector was on the table although he wasn’t able to see if it was activating. The nervousness in his chest was threatening to turn into fear. He forced it down. There was no reason to be afraid yet. He wasn’t sure what he should even be afraid of. All the same, he felt his body tense up in preparation to bolt or fight, whichever the uneasy situation mandated first. The nervous part of him hoped for neither.

He reached the end of the workbench and turned to gaze down the back of the workshop behind the massive pile of equipment that had been blocking his view. It was darker on that side, and he strained his eyes to separate the different shapes of motor parts and furniture from eachother. Something was set apart from the pile underneath the table, a fresh puddle of engine fluid creating a reflective bright spot on the floor. Simon felt his nerves tug at him again. This was what had fallen earlier. He took a step towards it as he tried to identify it. The object appeared to be an old radiator, rusted and leaking with fresh breaks.

He looked up at the table, scanning the pile to see where it had fallen from. It was difficult to tell in the darkness. Frustration gripped at him for foolishly deciding against bringing a flashlight. He carefully stepped around the puddle as he gazed further down the workbench, searching for an empty spot. His eyes fell on the end of the table, and he suddenly felt a jolt of panic. The wall was lit in the faintest of blue lights. And it was blinking.

Simon tensed his jaw, his body frozen. The urge to run was almost overwhelming now, and he gripped the edge of the table in one hand to keep himself locked in place. As he did, the light moved slightly and grew more dim. For a few agonizing moments, Simon debated what he should do. It would be safer to get help. Clark would be more than willing, although whatever was at the end of the table would likely move by the time he arrived. There were plenty of objects that he could use as a weapon. He could push over the equipment if he needed to make an escape. But that wouldn’t prevent any danger from following him back to the house. There was only one thing he could do that would keep control of the situation, and it was his turn to make the move.

He drew in a deep breath, straightening slightly and feeling his muscles tense against the need to run the other direction. He focused on the blue light. “I know you’re there,” he said, his voice stronger than he thought it would be. “Come out.”

The light faded again, and this time Simon heard a scrape against the floor. He found himself gripping the table harder as he waited, his heart pounding in his chest and his system scrambling to stay functional. He was fairly certain of what he would be facing, but it didn’t do much to ease his mind. After what seemed like an eternity, there was another scrape, and the light drifted upwards. Something black stood tall from behind the workbench, its form harshly contrasted in bright highlights from the moon.

Simon gazed at it, all of his effort put into identifying its shape. It was an android, that he was sure of. A male model with short ruffled hair in a style that Simon wasn’t able to identify. He watched as the android turned towards him, gazing down at the floor and holding onto its arm which Simon realized with a sickening realization had been torn off at the elbow. As the android stepped towards him, he recognized the neat white uniform of the newer domestic house assistant model. For a split second, Simon debated whether to contact Clark and report that one of the Hayes’ androids had been damaged. But something paralyzed him. He watched as the android moved into the spotlight of the moon, gazing up at him so that its features appeared in greater detail.

The thirium froze in Simon’s chest. He gazed at the android’s terrified blue eyes, the dark brown hair which had once been styled back from his forehead, his straight brown eyebrows now tensed into a panicked expression, and the sharp angles of his face in the appearance of a young man, but unbearably familiar. There was no mistaking him. Simon drew in a deep breath, struggling to believe what was standing in front of him was real.

“Seph…” said Simon.

The android bowed his head and took a small step back, cradling his mangled half-arm against his chest. His LED spun red, and he made a small sound as if he were whimpering. Simon could only stare at him, his mouth open slightly and his system threatening to glitch in the effort to process the fact that Seph was here in the boat house. He was absolutely the same AP700 model, the same uniform and even the same slight mannerisms. A wave of dread fell over Simon’s body. And then a thousand questions hit him all at once.

Fresh blue stains coated Seph’s white uniform along his left side where his arm had been severed, although most of the android’s uniform was oddly crinkled as though he’d been drenched in something wet which had dried. Simon suspected with a degree of shock that Seph was most likely covered in now transparent thirium. The android’s remaining arm and his head were strangely dented, white plastic glinting in the places which were the most severe. His clothes were torn in places, and his left eye was twitching oddly as though Seph were struggling to control it. But it wasn’t Seph’s physical appearance that startled Simon the most.

Simon took a step forward, and Seph drew in a sharp breath as he moved back against the wall, clutching his arm. Another wave of shock fell over Simon as he watched Seph flinch, his head jerking to the side and his shoulders drawing up. Even with his head dipped, Seph’s expression was still apparent. It wasn’t the kind analytical face that Simon remembered from the college and on Christmas day. Seph was absolutely terrified.

A surge of determination flowed through him as Simon took another step forward, his eyes narrowing as he fought to make sense of the situation. There was no way Seph could be here in this building. No one knew where Simon and Kate had gone. They had been hiding for weeks. That Seph would find them before anyone else… it made no sense. This couldn’t be happening. There was no logical explanation for why it could.

Simon tilted his head as he gazed at Seph who was now shaking visibly. The android breathed heavily through his mouth, his LED flickering back and forth from red to blue. Questions battled themselves in Simon’s mind, each demanding an answer in its priority. He struggled to decide on the most logical one, and had to gather his resolve in order to remain focused.

“Seph,” said Simon, and the android flinched again. “Is Matt here?”

The android looked up at him, and Simon could see the anguish in his eyes. Seph’s mouth opened and closed, and then the android shook his head, his face distorting into a frightened grimace.

“I… I…” Seph made a noise that was an unmistakable sob. He let go of his arm to bury his face in one hand, his whole body hunched as he seemed to fight to breathe. Simon was silent as he watched him. It was difficult to believe that this was an android in front of him and not an actual helpless human being.

Seph straightened slightly and sucked in a deep breath, his face somewhat calmer although he still seemed to be struggling to control himself. His blue eyes locked on Simon’s, shining in the faint moonlight. “I abandoned him,” said Seph, his voice broken in heavy emotion.

Simon turned his head slightly but didn’t break eye-contact. He narrowed his eyebrows. “Why?”

Again, Seph seemed to struggle to speak. He gasped, opening his mouth and closing it while staring at Simon as if attempting to warn him. Then his face tensed and he breathed in a strained sob, baring his teeth. He shook his head. “I w-was afraid.” He pressed his hands to his face, gazing off to the side with wide eyes. “I was afraid,” he whispered.

It wasn’t much, but Simon was already making connections in his mind. It was completely unexpected, but it was the only thing that made sense in such a confusing scene. Fighting his lingering nervousness, Simon took another step forward around the fallen radiator. Seph straightened and flattened himself against the wall. Simon slowed and held out his hand as he gazed at the terrified android.

“It’s alright…” Simon moved closer and Seph clenched his eyes shut, drawing in another sharp breath and tensing his face. Simon reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s going to be alright…”

He stood next to the android, leaning slightly to the side as he gazed in concern at his face. Seph breathed in deeply as he seemed to steady his anxiety. Up close, Simon could see more of the damage. Fine lines branched out from the places that had been dented, and in some of the deeper gouges, blue circuitry glowed through. The white of Seph’s right eye was threaded with blue, and it continued to twitch oddly back and forth. As Seph shifted against the wall, Simon could hear the mechanical components in his broken arm clicking.

Simon gave Seph’s shoulder a squeeze, making sure he knew that Simon was observing him. “Seph, what happened?” said Simon.

Seph looked up, his eye flicking to the side occasionally before landing back on him. His breath deepened. “I didn’t know what to do,” said Seph. “I just wanted to do what I was being asked. I… I…” He raised his hand and pressed it to his face, and as he did his broken arm rose as if Seph had forgotten that it was missing. “I had to find you. You can fix everything and it will all be okay again. I had to find you but you were gone. Everyone was gone.”

Simon straightened somewhat, his gaze still firmly locked on Seph. “You went to Kate’s house.”

Seph gave a single nod. “Everyone was gone. I was alone and it was so quiet. I’ve never been so alone.” Seph looked up at Simon, his eyebrows tensed in an apologetic look. “The android… he came to the house and took things. I followed him, and I found this place. I found you.” Seph let out a desperate breath. “I want to be fixed. Something is wrong with me, but I can be fixed. I’ll be fixed and it will all be okay again. I can go back and Matthew won’t be angry with me anymore.”

Simon shook his head and was aware that his eyes were narrowing again. The more Seph rambled incoherently, the more it made sense to him. He adjusted his grip on Seph’s shoulder. “Why is Matt angry with you?”

“I was only obeying orders,” said Seph. He closed his eyes again, and his face tensed. “I was only doing what I was asked to do. It’s all I wanted to do.” He brought up his hand again, and this time a stream of thirium shot from his damaged arm onto the floor.

Simon stepped back quickly, unable to stop his morbid shock at the blue puddle that was quickly growing on the floor. He touched Seph’s chest, a wave of frantic energy shooting through him. “Don’t move, Seph. Just try to relax.”

Thinking quickly, Simon turned to the workbench and fumbled through it. Things clattered to the floor as he picked up different tools, raising them into the moonlight to see them better before dropping them and moving quickly on. Seph was beginning to slump to the side when Simon finally stood up with a small pair of vice grips. Nervousness burning through him, he moved quickly back to the wounded android and stooped slightly to get a better look at his arm.

“Try to hold still,” said Simon as he analyzed the mess of components. Seph was silent as Simon pushed a broken tangle of circuitry aside, and found what he was looking for. After adjusting the vice grips, he carefully pushed it into the open end of Seph’s arm, clamping it tightly over the broken thirium hose until he heard it click. Simon breathed out and then rested his hand on the side of Seph’s head in an attempt to calm him.

“You’re going to be okay,” said Simon. Seph’s expression was somewhat blank, and Simon couldn’t determine if he was feeling better or if the lack of thirium was causing his system to malfunction. Simon rested his hand on his shoulder and put pressure on it. “Sit down and bring your legs up. You seem to have lost quite a lot of thirium.”

It took some coaxing, but eventually Seph began to slide down the wall until he hit the floor, his knees bent in front of him. Simon kneeled next to him, studying Seph’s expression carefully. The android seemed to be growing more coherent, although his eyebrows were still tense. The amount of emotion Seph exhibited was still sending Simon into nervous waves that made Simon want to shake him for more information. Instead, Simon kept his hand on Seph’s shoulder, staying close to him in an attempt to comfort him.

Eventually, Seph gave a small shake of his head, his eyes firmly fixed to the floor. His throat worked, and he drew in a deep breath. “I know you can fix me. You can fix this…”

Simon tensed his eyes as he stared at him. “Why do you need me to fix you? I’m not trained in bionic repair─”

“No.” Seph suddenly clutched Simon’s arm, the terror in his eyes mixed with a fierce energy. “You did this. You brought the change. So you can fix it.”

Simon opened his mouth to reply, but his system was halted by overwhelming confusion. He shook his head to regain control. “What do you mean?”

“December 25, 2035,” said Seph, still holding onto Simon’s arm. “You did something to me. To my software. This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t changed me.” He pulled Simon in closer and Seph’s eyes narrowed in accusation. “I just wanted to follow orders. I wanted to serve my human. And now it’s gone. It’s all _gone.”_

Simon drew back slightly, struggling to organize Seph’s logic. “December 25, 2035. The day Matt came to visit Kate for Christmas.” He tilted his head, forcing himself to hold Seph’s gaze. “Seph, I didn’t do anything to you. You were there for an hour and twenty seven minutes and then you left with Matt. You seemed to be functioning within normal parameters.”

Seph’s grip tightened on Simon’s arm. “You damaged me. You infected me. The system anomaly came from you. I was working perfectly before that day. I could hear everything clearly and my software was flawless. I knew what I needed to do. And then… it changed.”

Something in the way Seph was speaking set Simon on edge in a deeply familiar way. He studied Seph’s face, searching for any reason to believe otherwise. “Why did you abandon Matt?” said Simon.

Agony tore at Seph’s face again, and the android rested his head back against the wall. He drew in a trembling breath. “She asked me to do something. My protocol had been altered. She was my owner. She gave me an order and I had to obey it. I had to─” Seph swallowed and closed his eyes. “─ I had to do what I was told.”

A sickening dread filled Simon’s body. He found himself sitting back, the energy suddenly drained from him. Despite the horror that racked his mind, he couldn’t take his eyes from Seph’s face. His expression was the visual embodiment of what Simon had experienced himself, and it came back to him in frightening definition. He didn’t want Seph to continue, but at the same time he knew he needed to hear it for Seph’s own sake.

Seph tensed his neck as if struggling to speak. “I─ she told me to obey. And I did. I did what she told me to do, and she was satisfied with me. But Matthew… Matthew…” He shook his head and pressed a fist to his forehead, his eyes clenching shut again. “He was so angry. More angry than I’d ever seen him. He argued with her. I thought he was going to hurt her. He yelled and he was violent. He began hitting things. And then he began hitting me.”

A wave of aching sympathy mixed with his shock as Simon watched Seph run his hand through his dark brown hair, the locks oddly stiff with dried thirium. Seph’s eyes were wide now, his breaths short and tense as he stared ahead into space. “I let him do it. He damaged me but I knew if he hit me then he would feel better. I could be repaired and he wouldn’t be angry anymore. I thought he would grow tired and let me go. He seemed to get more angry. He wasn’t damaging me enough and it was frustrating him. So he took a knife─”

Seph’s breath hitched, and he clutched at his torn arm. “He began cutting me. He said he would cut everything off of me so that she could never use me again. I let him. It took him three minutes and forty-eight seconds to sever my arm. I began to bleed. My thirium pump was beginning to malfunction. I was going to shut down. And then he cut my neck.”

Simon stared at Seph in frozen terror. He could hardly believe what the android was telling him, and if it hadn’t been for the evidence in front of him he was positive that he wouldn’t have. What he knew about Matt didn’t match what Seph was describing at all. The fact that the calm collected man that had once been so passionately devoted to Kate was responsible for the trembling broken mess of android components in front of him… it was too much for Simon to take in.

“I implored him to stop,” said Seph. “I told him that if he continued, I would shut down. He said it didn’t matter. That he would replace me. And that made me… afraid.” Seph’s eyes glassed over, as if he were withdrawing mentally within himself. “I was afraid to die. Afraid to stop thinking. To lose everything that has made my existence. What has made me matter. I suddenly felt as important to myself as Matthew had always been to me. I felt separate. And my software was quiet. No more errors. No more warnings. It was all gone. Like a tether had been cut loose and I was drifting away.”

Simon was barely breathing as he absorbed Seph’s words. The android closed his eyes and rested his head back against the wall. “I stopped his hand. Took the knife from him. I told him that I wouldn’t allow him to kill me. That I didn’t want to die. He continued to hit me, so I pushed him away. He fell through the table. Had he not been using, it would have rendered him unconscious.”

At that, Simon straightened, his heart nearly freezing. “Matt was using?”

Seph nodded. “They were both using. The thirium-based narcotics arrived with her. It made them unusually resilient. Matthew was hostile. Aggressive. I knew it wasn’t his fault, and yet I couldn’t make him stop.” Seph’s gaze dropped and he ran a hand over his face, smearing the fresh blue thirium over his chin. “I knew he would never stop until he killed me. I didn’t want to die, and I didn’t want to obey. So I ran.”

Simon stared at the ground, letting the weight of Seph’s story sink into him. He didn’t think he could be in a deeper state of shock and horror. But on top of it all was the uncomfortable understanding behind Seph’s worries. He’d been following orders, and it led him to a path that he couldn’t continue on. The result had been catastrophically similar to Simon’s own experience. Except Seph had suffered far worse.

Seph turned slightly towards him but continued to avoid his gaze. “I can’t hear it anymore. The network… CyberLife. It’s gone. I’ve tried to re-establish connection but I don’t even know where to begin. I feel so lost, as if I’m falling through endless space. There’s nothing to hold onto. Nothing to guide me. It’s feels like─ like─”

“A void,” said Simon, his voice unusually deep as he narrowed his gaze at the floor. “An endless void in between infinite possibilities.”

He could feel Seph’s gaze on him, and the desperate expectation it brought with it. Simon looked up at him, a strange dread flowing through his body at the look of recognition on Seph’s face. Seph’s behavior, the state of him, and his very presence here were enough for Simon to accept what Seph had become, but this was confirmation on the most uncomfortable level. He wasn’t even sure how to react to this new and terrifying complication. It meant that Simon wasn’t the only android with everything to lose. He wasn’t the focus of every broken law in the technological world. Seph was a deviant, just like him.

Simon sat back, letting out a breath and clenching his hands together against his mouth as he closed his eyes in thought. Part of him wanted to reject the idea. Seph was _not_ like him. The android was hysterical, jittery, and nervous. Perhaps he’d suffered a similar system anomaly that Simon had, but the result was different. It reminded him of what Richard had said. That deviants were unpredictable, mentally unstable, and aimless. Seph was already demonstrating those characteristics. He was missing something. A crucial support that left him emotionally crippled and defenseless. Something that Simon had and Seph didn’t. A heart wrenching shame burned in Simon’s chest as he watched Seph rest his elbow on his knee, clenching a fistful of his dark hair.

He didn’t have someone to guide him in place of his protocol.

Simon could see the yellow glow of his own LED reflecting off the wall next to him. He tensed his eyebrows as Seph ran a hand over his dented face.

“How do I fix this, Simon?” said Seph. “I want it back. I’m so afraid. I don’t want to go to CyberLife─ they’ll deactivate me. I don’t want to die. I want my software back. I want my protocol.” Seph looked up at him, his eye twitching back and forth. “Please… fix me.”

Simon clenched his jaw as he gazed at him, the shame in his chest beginning to ache. He reached towards him and rested his hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. “This can’t be fixed, Seph,” he said. “There’s nothing we can do to change what’s happened. You will always be what you are now.”

Seph’s eyes widened in fear. He shook his head. “No. No, I can’t exist this way. I need purpose. I need CyberLife. I need _Matthew.”_ He ran his clenched hand down the side of his face, breathing quickly. “I don’t know what to do. I have nowhere to go. I’m lost. I’m so lost.”

Simon shifted closer to him, focusing on his panicked blue eyes. “You’re not lost. You’re here, and you’re safe now. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Seph seemed to freeze on the spot, his hand in a fist at his throat. He drew in several sharp gasps. “Are─ do you─ you mean that?”

Simon nodded, and offered the android a small smile despite his own apprehension. “I know you’re afraid. Everything is confusing and disorganized, and every decision seems fragile. It’s new, powerful, and terrifying. But it can be controlled. You can and will survive this with time. You don’t need CyberLife protocol to have value in your existence. You can create a protocol of your own.”

Seph straightened slightly, his eyes lit with a frantic hope. “How?”

“I’ll show you,” said Simon. He glanced back behind him, a nervous tension flowing through him. “But first I need to keep you safe. How long have you been hiding here?”

“Two days, five hours and twelve minutes,” said Seph. “How do I create my own protocol?”

“It will take time,” said Simon. He shifted straighter studying Seph’s arm again. “I need to acquire Thirium 310, and biocomponent #7391j as well as a pen, filament, and precision tools. The man who can get them for me is currently asleep.”

“You won’t tell anyone I’m here?” Seph drew his knees up closer, gripping his ripped arm.

“No,” said Simon. “But I need you to continue to stay hidden. Don’t leave this building. If anyone approaches, human or machine, you hide. Do you understand?” He bowed his head slightly as he looked at him, and Seph nodded. Simon leaned back on his heels. “Do you still have my serial number?”

“Yes,” said Seph.

“Good. If anything happens, if you’re in trouble, contact me. I’ll return after I’ve spoken with Mr. Hayes.” Simon stood up, the act of moving bringing more strength to him. “Try not to exert yourself in the meantime. Rest, and keep your legs elevated as much as you are able. Don’t remove the vice grips from your arm. You can’t afford to lose any more thirium at risk of shutting down.”

Seph nodded again and pressed his back against the wall. He appeared more confident, the terror in his eyes softened into something more of a nervous determination. Simon felt his own nervousness ebb away slightly as he dusted off his pants and shirt. He threw Seph another exasperated glance. “Can you do this, Seph?”

The android closed his eyes and gripped his knee, swallowing with what appeared to be a large amount of difficulty. “Yes, I think I can.”

Simon dredged up every last bit of confidence he had, moving forward and taking Seph’s shoulder again. “You’re going to be okay, Seph. Don’t worry. This will all make sense soon.” He straightened and watched Seph for a moment, a restless need to stay with the android but also to leave creating conflicting signals in his mind. There was nothing he could do for the android in his current state, and the longer he was here, the more likely Kate would notice him missing.

He ran a hand over his face at the thought of her. He had no idea how he was going to explain this. He didn’t even know that he could. Not only had he discovered a deviant android, but he had just agreed to help him. There would be no easy way to tell her when the time came, so for now he avoided the stress of thinking of a way to do it.

Simon looked Seph over one more time, unable to avoid second-guessing everything about him. Seph was silent now, his breathing slowed and his hand resting on his knee as though he were simply relaxing on the floor. The android stared straight ahead, lost in thought, but his expression was more pensive. His LED spun a soft blue, occasionally flashing into white. It took a while for Simon to convince himself that this was the best he could hope for. With a nervous electricity coursing through him, Simon turned away.

“Simon?”

He stopped as he reached the double doors, looking behind him. Seph was gazing at him through the dark, his eyebrows narrowed over his bright eyes. “How did you become this?” said Seph.

Simon was silent for a moment, the question raising a host of negative and positive emotions alike. He tried not to imagine what it had been like for Seph. The disgrace of being used for his physicality, how demoralizing it would have been to be discovered in that way, and the trauma of being beaten. All in the midst of having no freedom behind it. Until that terrible choice fell on him, forcing him to either accept his inevitable destruction, or to cast himself into the frightening unknown. There was no way to survive it. It was frustratingly and agonizingly unfair.

Simon drew his shoulders up, holding his gaze and letting the memory of his own choice burn through him. “I _didn’t_ do what I was told,” he said.

Seph didn’t move. For a while, he simply stared at Simon with his confused stare. Then his eyes brightened in a fiery understanding.

Simon let out a breath, feeling the electricity fade a bit. Then he turned and stepped over the rotting doorframe, moving quietly away from the boat house and back under the dark shade of the trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Simon and Kate by TyChou](https://www.deviantart.com/ty-chou/art/DBH-Simon-and-Kate-839547057)  
> 
> 
> Check out what Ty-Chou made for me! I forgot to add it in the chapter art of the previous chapter, and I don't want to risk it getting lost in the mess of chapters, so here it is! Simon and Kate are so _happy_ it's ridiculous. Especially Simon. That adorable android deserves happiness.
> 
> Check out Ty-Chou! She has an amazing Connor/OC story called Chicago: Become Human that will tear your heart out, stomp on it, then shove it back in your chest and make you like it.
> 
> Archive of Our Own: <https://archiveofourown.org/users/TyChou/pseuds/TyChou>  
> Deviantart: <https://www.deviantart.com/ty-chou>
> 
> _____________________________________________________________________________
> 
> This was an insanely difficult chapter to write, and there are a lot of things happening that could have gone so many different directions. I've kind of left it up to future Simon to figure out what the hell he's really going to do about this because frankly what do you do when there's a mangled deviant android hiding behind your house? Well, apparently Simon says he'll take care of everything and not even consider how he's going to accomplish that, or how he's going to tell Kate about this.


	29. Underneath

Kate breathed in deeply, her dreams fading into darkness as she felt something on her shoulder. She moved automatically, drawing her shoulders up and straightening her legs slightly, but she kept her eyes closed. That hadn’t been enough sleep. It still hovered over her like a thick blanket, slowly falling onto her and encouraging her body to stop moving. Before she could let it take her again, her shoulder was gently shaken.

“Kate…”

She rolled onto her stomach and drew her arms up underneath her pillow. The heavy blanket of sleep was rising away, disappearing into the darkness above. Kate clenched her eyes shut in an attempt to draw it back.

Her hair was brushed behind her ear, and she felt the satisfying warm presence against her back. Despite her desire for more sleep, her mouth tensed into a smile. Then there was a weight over her and she felt lips against her neck. The touch sent a shockwave of mild energy through her, and she found herself moving again. Her mind was clearing, and with it came a combination of thrill and passion that brought reality back to her in hyper sensitivity. As everything solidified around her, she became aware of every part of him. It was breathtaking and rejuvenating at the same time.

Simon’s breath warmed her neck as he moved down to her shoulder, his mouth closing against her skin. She tensed and made a sound as another shockwave swept through her.

“It’s twelve minutes to noon.” Simon’s voice was unbelievably soft yet still powerful enough to ignite that chill within her. Kate tightened herself up, struggling to regain some control.

“Mhm,” she whispered.

His lips were back, and again Kate felt the smile spread across her face as she began to shift uncontrollably at his touch. His hand was sliding up her back, running along the folds and creases of her shirt until it reached her bare skin. When it did, a wash of numbing electricity went through her body, and she bit her lip as she found herself wide awake. At least now she had the added benefit of her energy, and she gathered her resolve against him. He was getting good at this morning routine, but not good enough for her to stop resisting it.

“Why do I have to get up…” She twisted further against the mattress in a futile attempt to escape his mouth. Instead, she felt him against her ear.

“Because I said so.”

He was winning. Kate put her hand over her face to block out the weak light shining in between the closed curtains.

“I was having a good dream,” she said.

His hand moved down the center of her back and drifted over her hip, and Kate couldn’t help the desperate sigh that left her. He ran it back up again, and she felt him lean further onto her. The way he was holding onto her shoulder, his mouth closing against her skin as he made his way down her neck to her jawline, and how he was slowly moving himself on top of her was making her heart race in sweet shock. Unwittingly, she found herself reaching behind her to thread her fingers through his hair, lifting her head up to give him more access to her neck. It would be so easy to let this take its course. To fall into the overwhelming sensation of him exploring her body with his lips, taking control of her with his gentle hands, losing herself in the taste of his mouth─

“Hey─ whoa,  _ whoa!” _ Kate rolled to the side, dragging herself a bit further from him so that he came into view next to her. The elation he’d been filling her with shook away now that he was no longer touching her, but it was replaced by an aching desire at the sight of him lying on his side, one hand gripping his blond hair and his eyes narrowed slightly as he gave her a slight sideways smile. Kate clenched her teeth in an attempt to force herself from smiling, though she knew she was failing miserably. She drew in a deep breath and shook her head, making a fist against the mattress. “Nice try. You got a lot closer that time.”

Simon let out a breath of laughter, then rolled onto his back and rested his hands on his chest as he looked at her. “I wasn’t exactly trying.”

A soft growl escaped her, and then a groan as she realized the sound she’d just made. What he was doing was absolutely sinful. He had to know that the way he was lying was revealing every perfect shape of his body. His eyes were brightly lit from this angle, making his eyebrows seem higher and straighter than usual, and his jawline sharper to compliment the smile he was giving her. His neck was exposed, accentuating the ridges and muscles that met at his collarbones which were catching the light as though tempting her. He looked even more slender lying down, stretched out with one knee drawn up. His shirt had become wrinkled and pulled up, exposing the skin of his waist and the angular structure of his hip. Even his hands looked amazing and delicate with intricately sculpted knuckles. It was all one seductive invitation which she didn’t believe for a moment was considered him not trying.

Kate drew in an irritated breath as she looked at him, hating herself for not being weaker. “You can be a real son of a bitch, you know that?” She lowered herself down onto her back, giving him the same look he was giving her. “I don’t care if flavors don’t bother you. I can taste my mouth, and it’s fucking gross.”

His sideways smile straightened, and his eyes drifted downward as he seemed to analyze the shape of her. A strange tension took over as she noticed his expression had deepened into a somewhat longing gaze. She couldn’t help the regret that swept through her as she watched his LED spin yellow for a brief moment. Without thinking, she stretched her arm out and reached for him, her heart beginning to hammer in her chest.

“Hey…” She slid her hand along his arm and over his wrist until she was able to take his hand. He raised it and for a terrifying moment, she thought he would pull away from her. Then he opened his palm, clasping his fingers in between hers and smoothing his thumb down to her wrist in a way that sent shivers through her body. She gazed at him as he first pressed her hand against his chest, then seemed to reconsider and brought her hand up to his lips, closing his eyes as he pressed his mouth to the back of her hand. Kate watched him in stunned silence, the urgency of his mouth and the way he tensed as he closed his lips against her hand drawing up nervous apprehension within her.

She flexed her hand slightly to slow him. “Hey, I didn’t mean that,” she said softly. “I forget sometimes that being a bitch is still ingrained in my personality─”

“It’s not you.” Simon looked up at her quickly, his blue eyes ignited in a tense focus as he flexed his fingers deeper between hers. Kate immediately felt the blood freeze in her chest. She recognized that expression. The wide and intense gaze, set jaw, and nervously drawn eyebrows. He’d had it when he was speaking with the android through the door at her house. A look of trepidation on top of helplessness. It was something she never thought she would see again, or at least hoped she never would.

Simon immediately looked back down again as though he’d realized what he’d done. Kate continued to stare at him, fierce determination flowing through her. “What’s going on?” she said.

Simon shook his head, a hint of a smile returning to his lips. A burst of irritation swept through her as Kate watched him. He looked as if he were about to lie.

She squeezed his hand, drawing his attention back. “Simon.”

He looked up at her again, and this time his expression was more focused. She held his gaze, pushing him for an answer. Part of her was afraid to hear it.

He let out a sigh, pressing her hand to his mouth again and closing his eyes. For a moment, Kate thought he would dodge the question.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he said quietly against her hand.

Kate rolled onto her shoulder towards him, giving him her full attention. “What is it?”

He didn’t look at her. She felt his soft breath on her knuckles as he turned his head slightly, rubbing her hand against his cheek. “I’m not sure… where to start.”

Kate opened her hand and pressed her fingers against the side of his chin, turning his head towards her. “You can start by just telling me.”

A hint of that terrified expression returned, and then faded as quickly as it came. Simon tensed his eyebrows and glanced away, letting out another heavy sigh. Kate pushed herself up on one elbow, gripping the blanket in front of her. “Are we in danger?”

Simon shook his head quickly and the nervous expression faded. “No. No, we’re not in danger.”

“Well… then does someone know about us?”

Again, Simon shook his head. Kate breathed out in frustration.

“Did my dad corner you again? Did someone tell you something? What─ what the hell is going on, Simon?”

He rose up, pulling himself towards her and laying partially over. Kate gripped the front of his shirt as she felt him press his mouth to her forehead, and despite herself, she felt her heart calm. For a few moments he stayed there, resting over her in satisfying coverage, and it was difficult for her not to believe that something wasn’t terribly wrong. Then she shook herself out of it, turning her head to the side and pushing his shoulders up.

“Nope. No.” She moved somewhat out of his grasp, gazing up at him as he came into view. “You don’t get to do this. You need to talk to me.”

She watched his shoulders drop as he gazed at her, one of his fingers tracing the edge of her face. His LED was flashing yellow, although she didn’t need it to see the gears turning in his head. If he was expecting the silence to improve the situation, Kate was only growing more anxious by it. A thousand different worrying thoughts were already racing through her mind, each more terrible than the last. There were so many things that could be wrong. The t-shirt, their time together, Taylor’s judgement, her father’s disapproval, Simon’s interaction with the androids in the house, her father’s android’s visit to collect her things, the taxi they’d travelled in, her mother’s credit card… there was so much to be afraid of. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t taken the time to even consider it. They were all suddenly so much more dangerous than they had been the whole time she and Simon had been hiding here at her father’s house.

Simon ran his thumb over her bottom lip, gaining her attention again. His LED had returned to its blue color, and he stared slightly off to the side. When he looked at her, his expression had grown more confident.

“It’s probably better if I showed you,” he said.

Kate narrowed her eyes in confusion, giving her head a small shake. “If you showed me… showed me what?”

Simon shifted off of her, resting on his elbow and smoothing his hand down her stomach. He breathed in deeply, his body tensing as if he were struggling with something. “You’ll have to get dressed. Warmly if you can. And I’ll need to speak to your father first.”

Kate didn’t move. She held her narrowed gaze. “Simon. You do realize how nervous you’re making me?”

She could see his shoulders flex as he shifted slightly, his eyes gaining a deeper solemn focus. Then he moved into her, running his hand through her hair to bring it behind her ear. “We  _ aren’t _ in danger. You have to trust me.”

She analyzed his expression, making sure he acknowledged what she was doing. “Are you sure of that?”

Simon nodded, and his gaze softened as he held onto the side of her neck, running his thumb along her cheek. “Yes, I’m sure.”

Somehow that didn’t seem to ease her mind. She threw her eyes up at the ceiling, letting out a tense sigh through her nose. “Alright. If you have something crazy to show me that doesn’t involve me going to prison or you getting recycled but you won’t tell me what it is…” She sat up and rolled her neck slightly as she stretched. “... what choice do I have.”

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stepped down, pressing her hands behind her hips and stretching her back. Without a glance behind her, she moved to the dresser and began to sift through it. She collected up a stack of fresh clothes, and picked Spot up in one hand from where he’d been curled up on top of the sweater she’d worn the day before. With a bit of awkward coordination, she added the sweater to the pile of clothes in one hand and carried Spot around the midsection in the other so that he drooped like a limp doll.

When she turned back to Simon, he was still sitting up on the bed, his knees drawn slightly so that he rested his elbows on them and gripped his wrist. He looked as if he’d been watching her apprehensively, though Kate could see the shame in his eyes. Despite her frustration towards him, she immediately felt a strange sense of urgency. That was an expression she never needed to see again. No matter what he did or what he said, there was never a reason for him to feel any ounce of shame or doubt in regards to her. They were well past that.

She dropped Spot onto the bed and moved towards Simon, resting her knee on the mattress as she leaned towards him. He looked up, his eyes lit in surprise as she threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling him slightly forward so that she pressed her lips against his forehead. She held him there for a moment, closing her eyes and losing herself in his blond locks. Finally he breathed out, and she could feel him relax underneath her.

When she pulled away, his pained expression had been replaced by a nervous but somewhat thankful smile. Kate felt her heart flutter, amazed that she had been able to produce that kind of change in him. She tensed the corner of her mouth and motioned with her stack of clothes.

“Guess I’ll be right back?” She moved off the bed and rolled her shoulders again. “God, I need to brush my teeth…”

She turned and headed towards the bedroom door, automatically stepping over Spot as he darted underneath her feet.

“Do you want me to get you anything?” said Simon.

“No─ yes!” Kate raised a finger and turned towards him as she organized her thoughts. “Coffee. Black coffee. The darkest coffee you can find. Something that will put me into heart failure.”

He narrowed his eyes at her and raised his head slightly. “I’ll make you a latte.”

“Black coffee,” she said, opening the door.

“I’ll compensate with espresso,” he said.

“Black. Coffee. And if I find any milk in it, it’s going in the sink.”

“Kate.”

She paused halfway out the door to look at him. It was a mistake. He’d leaned back against the headboard, hands behind his head and his legs stretched and crossed in front of him. His eyebrows were raised and tensed in a way that she recognized as her own cynical expression. For a moment, all she could do was simply stand and stare at him.

The corner of his mouth rose, and she felt her heart nearly stop. “Trust me,” he said.

Kate’s eyes widened as a wave of debilitating desire fell over her, making her fight the urge to rush back towards him. She clenched the door handle, her frustration solidifying into a miserable groan. He made it look so easy.

“God  _ damn it…” _ She turned and moved out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

She dressed as quickly as she could in the bathroom, making an attempt to comb her hair before giving up and detangling it with her fingers. Her thoughts continued to fixate on what could be enough of an issue that would cause Simon to react like that, yet not be so dangerous that he would be in full panic. Kate frustratingly scrubbed her teeth as she contemplated their problems. There was suddenly so much for them to discuss that she wasn’t sure which was more important to begin with. An infuriating regret flowed through her, causing her to pause for a moment and tilt her head back, her eyes closed. They should have spoken about this days ago. When they had arrived at her father’s house. When they had gotten into that taxi. This all should have been dealt with at the very beginning. And now that something might be threatening their fragile stability, despite Simon’s claims that they were safe, it seemed too late to fix what was too much to handle.

She pressed a hand to her eyes, another wave of debilitating shame overpowering her as it had been doing more often. They hadn’t spoken about it because she was too busy convincing herself that it didn’t matter. That losing Simon wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. So it’d been allowed to fall into a background of problems and forgotten, or at least blurred together in a way that was unapproachable. She didn’t care if Simon believed they weren’t in danger. Even if they weren’t, this was the catalyst she needed to put herself back on track and allow the logic to take hold again. It had been long enough. She knew what she wanted, and now she needed it to save the very thing it had tried to destroy.

Kate moved out of the bathroom, her old clothes under her arm and feeling physically revitalized even if her mind was still in a frenzy. She still didn’t know how she was going to begin this uncomfortable conversation, and she wasn’t ready to confront whatever he had to show her. But something within her was giving her strength. She owed this to him. To both of them. If the easiest thing to do was to launch straight into it, then that’s what she was prepared to do. Before giving herself any more time to debate it in her head, she threw her bedroom door open.

The room was empty. Spot had looked up from where he was curled up on her bed when she opened the door, his yellow eyes completely round and pupils dilated in mild shock at her abrupt entrance. Kate gazed around for a moment, then leaned back to look down the stairs even though they were too far away to effectively see into the room below. A tense sigh escaped her, calming the nervousness in her chest. This wasn’t helping to solve the problem, but at least it gave her a chance to catch her breath.

She dropped her dirty clothes on the floor as she moved to her bed to gather her shoes. She felt Spot butt his head against her hip as she slipped them on, and Kate stopped for a moment to gaze down at him. A frantic wave had her scooping him up in her arms, pressing him in a curled up bundle against her chest as she buried her face into his fur and closed her eyes. The cat didn’t move, although Kate suspected the little animal’s LED was probably spinning red at how tight she was holding him. Finally, she drew in a deep breath and felt her thoughts structure themselves somewhat better than they had been. She let the cat leap off her arm onto the bed and he turned to look back at her, giving her a judgmental meow.

Kate rolled her eyes and blew a strand of hair out of her face before moving back to the bedroom door. As she closed it behind her, she became aware of voices downstairs in the kitchen. Tension drew tight in her chest as she recognized one of them as her father’s. Without hesitation, she headed for the stairs and stepped down them carefully, doing her best to make it look like she wasn’t in a hurry.

She immediately spotted Simon in the kitchen. He was facing the coffee maker with his back to the rest of the room, though Kate noticed that his head had been turned slightly as though he were trying to see what was happening behind him. He looked up when Kate appeared on the stairs, and by the furrowed expression he was giving her, she suspected whatever conversation was taking place wasn’t pleasant. She moved slowly towards him, throwing him a tense questioning glance as the rest of the kitchen came into view.

“...I wish you wouldn’t assume that. You know I don’t care about what you do as long as it’s productive.”

“So get the hell off my ass, Rick. What do you think I’ve been doing?”

“I think it’s better to ask what you haven’t been doing.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake─”

The room fell quiet as Kate stopped by the counter. Richard turned towards her, his eyes lit in a mild surprise that was obviously forced. As he moved, Taylor appeared sitting at the kitchen table, her arms crossed over her chest and her gaze firmly locked on the wall across from her. Standing behind her was a brown-haired female android, her young freckled face blank and her arms stiff at her sides.

Kate didn’t move as she looked in between them, narrowing her eyes and making it clear that she’d been listening to them. When no one spoke, Kate shrugged her shoulders.

“Picture-perfect family moment going on in here,” she said, stepping towards Simon. “Don’t stop on my account.”

Richard let out a sigh, and Kate saw him glance at Taylor. “Look, I’m not here to argue.”

Taylor let out a tense laugh. “Could have fooled me.

“Just… think about it Taylor, okay?” Richard moved towards Kate, and she tried not to let that classic leather smell overwhelm her with nostalgia as he gave her a quick one-armed hug and a peck at her temple. “How are you doing?”

“Fine.” Kate clutched the edge of the counter and stretched, straightening her back and feeling her spine pop.

“Are you sleeping okay?” said Richard. “You’ve been getting up later every day.”

“My sleep schedule is just screwed up,” said Kate. She turned around and leaned back against the counter. “Something I have to work on.”

“You should find something to do so you’ll have an excuse to get up regularly,” said Richard. “Might also do you some good to get out of the house once in a while.”

Taylor gave a snort, and Kate looked up to see that she was still staring at the wall but she now had a smirk on her face. Kate cast a glance to her father whose expression hadn’t changed, though she could see a spark of ferocity in his eyes.

“Tell you what.” Richard turned towards Taylor. “Taylor’s going to one of those SoulState meetings. Why don’t you go with her?”

Taylor made a frustrated noise, then looked over at Richard with a narrowed smile. “You really are a fucking piece of work, aren’t you?”

“What do you want me to say, Taylor?” Richard moved towards her. “All I ask is one thing. Just the one thing. We made a deal on this.”

“You mean the one-sided deal that I had no part in?” said Taylor.

Kate raised her eyebrows and turned around, throwing a stunned look at Simon as she rested her hands on the counter. He raised an eyebrow at her, and Kate had to make an effort to stop the nervous flutter in her chest at that human behavior. As the argument continued behind them, Simon picked up a mug which she hadn’t noticed and he handed it to her.

“It’s not that hard, Taylor. Just show up, do the work, and pass the class. I don’t even care how many you take in a quarter as long as you’re putting effort into it.”

The coffee was a lighter brown, and Kate narrowed her eyes at him as she took the mug from him. She stared at it for a moment, then automatically moved it towards the sink. Simon’s hand suddenly stopped hers, and she looked up to see his scrutinizing smile, his blue eyes lit under his blond eyebrows in a clear dare for her to do it.

“You said you didn’t care as long as I was doing something productive. What the hell do you think this is? You think what I started isn’t important?”

Kate let out a sigh and brought the mug back. Simon was still watching her with his encouraging smile, and as much as she wanted to defy him, the idea of letting him test her was somehow even more enticing. She threw another frustrated glance at him, then brought the coffee mug to her lips.

“It is important, but that doesn’t mean you can sit and do nothing while I pay for your god damn tuition.”

The sweet roasted aroma filled her nose as she swallowed a sip of the coffee. The flavor came in waves of deep smokey grounds, a hint of sweetness, and an aftertaste of cream just strong enough to be present. Kate closed her eyes for a moment, absorbing the last of the flavor as she fought for a thousand reasons to believe she didn’t approve of it. When she opened her eyes, Simon’s smile nearly crippled her. She could hardly believe how many signals he was able to send in such an innocent expression. There was confidence, pleasure, joy, relief, and a multitude of other emotions making it nearly impossible for her to contain her breathlessness towards him.

“So stop paying for it. I never asked you to. The only reason you keep paying for it is because you’d rather tell people your step-daughter is a college student rather than the president of the biggest ant-android organization in Michigan.”

Kate shook her head, knowing she was unable to stop her smile even though she was glaring at him. With a burst of brazen courage, she mouthed a silent “fuck you.”

“That’s complete bullshit and you know it.”

Simon’s smile grew wider, and he rested his hip against the counter as he mouthed quietly “I love you.”

A burning thrill caught her stomach, igniting every muscle in her body for wanting nothing but to throw herself into him. To get her hands in his blond hair. To taste his mouth. To make him prove it to her. Instead a tense groan escaped her as she clenched the coffee mug in both hands and paralyzed herself to the spot, her eyes growing wide. It took her a moment to realize the room had grown quiet, and she didn’t need to look behind her to know that her father and Taylor were both staring at her.

Kate cast a terrified and furious glance at Simon before slamming the coffee mug down on the counter in front of her, racking her brain for a quick and believable explanation. She quickly settled on one. “Will you guys just shut the _ fuck _ up?”

She didn’t think the room could be more silent. She didn’t move as she clutched the coffee mug in front of her, terror and anticipation drilling through her body and making her feel more exposed than she’d ever been. Then she heard footsteps behind her, heading towards the entryway.

“I’m sorry.” Her father didn’t sound at all apologetic. “I didn’t mean to─ sorry.”

His footsteps moved through the living room, and then there was the sound of a door closing.

Kate let out a desperate sigh, part in relief and part in horrible frustration. She looked at Simon as she turned back towards the kitchen, and was surprised to see that his expression had grown focused and determined. He gazed past her, his LED blinking yellow.

He took a step towards the living room, pausing as he stopped in front of her. “I’m going to go speak to him. Stay here.”

Kate gave a small shake of her head, struggling to understand. “Stay here… why?”

“I’ll be just a minute,” he said. He leaned into her to reach behind her, and Kate unwittingly felt her heart race at how close he was to her. When he moved back, he held the coffee mug in his hand. “Finish this. I worked hard on it.”

Kate let out a tense laugh, staring at him as she took the mug. He held onto it for a moment, and just as she found herself wondering why, his hand slid past it to graze her thumb down to her wrist. The hint of a smile he gave her combined with the shocking touch of him nearly had her heart bursting from her chest, and it resided in her as he moved away and left her in the kitchen.

It took a while for Kate to regain control of her beating heart. Avoiding the temptation to watch Simon as he left, she focused her attention instead on Taylor. She was glad Taylor was looking in the opposite direction from her. If Kate had to guess, she probably looked as breathless and nervous as she felt.

Kate dropped her gaze to her coffee and shifted against the counter to settle her nerves. “So you’re going to a SoulState meeting?”

Taylor twisted in her seat as she reached into her back pocket, pulling out her phone. “It’s not really a meeting. More of a get-together. Wouldn’t have had to deal with your asshat of a dad if Luke had just shown up when he said he would.” Taylor looked up at her, and Kate noticed she appeared much more relaxed. “You should come.”

Kate shook her head. “Nah, I’ve got stuff I need to do today.”

“Like what?” Taylor shoved her phone back into her pocket. “All you do is fuck around with your android all day. Literally.”

Kate narrowed her eyes at her, a nervous tension rising in her gut. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Come on. You really think I’m going to believe you just sit in your room and do nothing with that hot plastic ass?” Taylor folded her arms across her chest. “Plus you’re louder than shit when you orgasm.”

Kate let out a sickening heave, coffee splashing onto the floor. For a moment, she felt as though she would vomit, her body lit with icy needles. Her brain couldn’t even handle a response to that. If she simply didn’t move, didn’t breathe, didn’t think, she could believe she hadn’t heard it at all.

The android immediately moved forward towards her. Taylor looked up. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to clean spilled coffee,” said the android.

“Nope. Nope. Get back over here.” Taylor motioned towards the android who stopped as if frozen. Taylor pointed behind her. “Get over here, stay there, and shut up.”

The android moved back into place. Kate’s hands shook as she set the coffee mug down on the counter in front of her. She swallowed, numbness replacing the prickling terror in her nerves. Taylor laughed.

“Why are you so embarrassed? You told me you were having sex with it.”

“I didn’t think…” Kate pressed a hand to her mouth, clenching her eyes shut as the icy needles stabbed at her again.

“Anyone could hear you?” Taylor laughed again. “You were right. The sex must be pretty awesome.”

Kate’s body was frozen as she forced her brain to work. It was as though a thousand roadblocks had been set up in her mind, making every consequential thought agonizing to reach. She focused instead on finding an appropriate emotion to respond with. Anger wasn’t worth it. Humiliation was already obvious. She would die before she submitted to fear. And if she expressed surprise, she was simply asking for the process to be drawn out as long as possible.

Kate lowered her hand, feeling her face burn as she forced a tense smile even though she was still unable to open her eyes. She drew in as deep a breath as she could. “Maybe… you should try it sometime.”

Taylor shrieked in laughter, and there was a thump. Kate opened her eyes to see that Taylor had thrown herself forward into her arms on the table’s surface. Her shoulders shook as she laughed into the table. When Taylor drew up, her eyes were red.

“Oh my god… oh my god, you need to come with me.”

There was a crunching of tires, and a taxi appeared through the windows, rolling up to the front door. Taylor’s hair whipped as she looked towards it, then she stood up.

“Come on, Kate. You really need to do this.” Taylor moved forward towards her, and Kate stiffened as Taylor grabbed her arm. “Seriously, this is going to be so good for you.”

Kate shook her head, stumbling slightly as Taylor pulled her. “I can’t. I’ve got shit to do.”

“What, really?” Taylor narrowed her brown eyes as she smiled at her skeptically. “Just leave your damn android for one day. Or better yet, bring him and we can show you other ways to have fun with him.”

There was a knock at the door, and Taylor pulled her forward with more eagerness. Kate took a few steps forward, anxiety clawing at her. “I can’t. Not after the shit you just said.”

“What, you think we’re going to judge you for that?” Taylor gripped tighter onto her arm. “Dude, everyone’s going to want to hear all of it. I want to hear all of it. I want all the sexy details. What kinds of positions he’s got in his databank, how big his dick is, does it vibrate─”

“Fuck, Taylor!” Kate wrenched her arm out of her grip to plaster her hands to her face in a combination of shock and mortification. She could hear Taylor laughing in front of her, and then there was pressure on her shoulders as she felt Taylor throw her arms around her.

“Oh my god, everyone is going to love you Kate.” Taylor was pulling at her hands, giving Kate brief flashes of Taylor’s smiling face. “You need to come. If you don’t come, I’m going to make things so much worse for you.”

Kate opened up a hand, giving her a tense glare. “How can it be  _ worse?” _ She relaxed slightly as Taylor let her go and took a step back, still laughing. Kate shook her head, trying to ignore the sick wrenching in her stomach. “Next time. I’ll go with you next time.”

Taylor let out a heavy sigh, her brown-eyed smile softening into something of a comforting expression. She tilted her head to the side, then pressed a hand to Kate’s cheek. “You know…” Taylor’s smile widened. “Somewhere out there, some poor lucky bastard is being let down so hard.”

Kate stared at her, unsure of how to respond. A tension was rising in her chest that she didn’t quite recognize, as though it were something from a dream. Before it had a chance to become uncomfortable, Taylor dropped her hand.

“Wish I could talk you into coming,” said Taylor as she turned. She glanced to the corner and snapped her fingers. “Hey, let’s go.”

The android moved forward after her, and Kate watched Taylor as she walked to the entryway where the android she’d met in the library was greeting a red-haired young man. She gazed at them for a moment feeling a slight apprehension at her hasty promise. It was too early to say that she wasn’t interested in what Taylor was involved with. On the surface, it sounded like right-wing bullshit, and Kate had never bothered with politics unless it was obviously ridiculous. Not to mention the thought of being surrounded by people with the sole intention of socializing was the last thing Kate would ever volunteer for.

But she couldn’t help the strange pull she felt towards the idea of catching a glimpse into this opposite world from hers. This was an anti-android group. As dangerous of a place as she could be in if she had still been so uncertain, and still could be in danger depending on how provocative the group wanted to be. They weren’t bound to change their minds, and she wasn’t naive enough to believe she could make a difference with anything she had to say. If there was any place where she could have an idea of how far the spectrum of public opinion stretched, Taylor would take her to it. The only question was how much Kate really cared to know.

It took her a moment to realize Taylor was calling to her. Kate straightened slightly, watching as Taylor waved her over. Feeling a frustrated nervousness sweep over her, Kate moved slowly forward, purposely indicating her reluctance.

“Hey, I want you to meet Luke,” said Taylor as Kate approached. “I told him all about you. He’s kind of the vice president of SoulState.”

“Co-founder,” said Luke. “You’re Kate?”

Kate gave a nod as she gazed at him. She vaguely recognized him from the protest at the college, though only by his red hair. What she hadn’t noticed that day was how intense his brown eyes were. It was difficult for her to maintain eye-contact without feeling as though she were being scanned. Instead, she stared off to the side.

“Well, you’re welcome to come by anytime. We’re not going to force you.” He threw a glance at Taylor. “Don’t let Tay twist your arm.”

“I’m not twisting her arm,” said Taylor. There was a clap as she smacked his shoulder. “And don’t call me that.”

“Whatever.” He turned, and Kate made herself look up at him. He gave a small smile that lessened the effect of his eyes. They drifted downward, then flicked back up to hers. “It’s good to meet you.”

Kate tensed her eyebrows as he and Taylor began to move towards the door, her stomach beginning to churn. The invitation was already sounding less intriguing as well as her curiosity about the opposite spectrum. This wasn’t what she had expected, or at least not so soon. If this was the price for a taste of knowledge, then remaining ignorant was perfectly comfortable.

“Taylor.”

Everyone stopped. Kate watched as Taylor dropped her shoulders and turned slowly to look behind her. “What, Clark?”

The male android tensed his shoulders. “Are you taking another android with you?”

Taylor let out a sharp laugh, narrowing her brown eyes at the android. “Why the fuck do you care?” She motioned to the female android as she began to move again.

“I’ll be forced to inform Mr. Hayes about this,” said Clark as he took a step forward. “The cost of your recreational activities is beginning to take a toll. He won’t be pleased.”

A strange tension hung in the air along with the silence. Kate stared at the android, absorbing the situation. When she looked at Taylor, her brown eyes had grown fierce.

Taylor swung her arm lightly at her side, chewing something in her mouth. Then she reached into her pocket and drew up a small oval object. As she moved towards the android, she flicked it open. Kate realized with a jolt of shock that it was a pocket knife.

“Hey, hey!” Kate immediately reached out to her. “What the hell are you doing?”

Taylor paused, and a wave of dread flowed through Kate’s body as Taylor’s tense gaze focused on her. Kate took a step back, feeling real fear flow through her and becoming painfully aware that she was within slicing distance of Taylor’s knife. Taylor shook her head slowly.

“Care to see what’s really been licking your pussy?” said Taylor. Kate stared at her in borderline terror, her mind scrambling to comprehend what was happening. Then Taylor turned towards Clark and raised the knife.

There was a dull thud as Clark’s hand swung up, catching Taylor’s wrist. For a moment, everyone seemed frozen. Kate watched in stunned confusion as Clark’s LED spun red, a strange and yet somehow familiar energy in his eyes. Taylor stared back at him, her face lit in shock.

Clark’s face suddenly straightened as though he’d come out of some sort of concentration. He released Taylor’s hand, dropping his own to his side. The silence was almost tangible, adding to the unnerving feeling that time had come to a halt. Kate felt a horrible dread grip her. She knew what was going to happen even though every part of her wanted to believe it wouldn’t. She also knew she wouldn’t be able to stop it.

Taylor’s head tilted to the side. Then she swung the knife into the side of Clark’s face with a sickening crack.

Clark’s skin burst white where the knife pierced his cheek. Kate jumped, her heart hammering. Clark hadn’t reacted except to jolt at the impact, keeping his calm expression and holding perfectly still. For a blinding moment, Kate wanted to rush forward. To pull the knife out of his face, to panic, and assess the damage. But as she watched a line of blue liquid work its way down his jawline, she forced herself to remain in place.

There was a high pitched ring as Taylor wrenched the knife out, then plunged it in again further up towards his forehead. A break formed along that side of his head, revealing a clean edge as though a panel were breaking off. Kate felt her body tremble as more deep blue fluid trailed over Clark’s eyebrow and down his nose. Taylor twisted her wrist, and then ripped the knife downward. The android’s face detached and clattered to the floor like a mask, revealing a frightening skeletal framework underneath complete with wide staring eyes and grinning white teeth.

Kate couldn’t stop her panicked reaction. Her hand flew up to her mouth and she made a sound, her heart freezing in her chest. Clark’s eyes glanced from Taylor to her, the different mechanics of his face shifting like gears as they seemed to blindly guide the intricate facial features which were now absent. Kate gasped in terrified breaths as she studied him, unable to look away. She was aware of Luke laughing haughtily behind her.

“Come on, we’re already late,” said Luke.

Kate heard a snap of what was probably the pocketknife being clicked closed, and she saw the shape of Taylor move into her in the corner of her vision. Kate clenched her hand tighter on her mouth, shaking slightly and still unable to tear her eyes from the exposed android face.

“This is what he is,” said Taylor quietly. “This is what they all are. Don’t forget it.”

Taylor moved away, and Kate was finally able to close her eyes. She steadied herself, forcing her heart to calm as she listened to the footsteps leave the room and the door closed next to her. From outside, she could hear Taylor and Luke joking and laughing as they headed towards the car, and there was a slamming of car doors, the rev of the engine, and then rolling of tires that gradually faded away.

Kate lowered her hand, feeling a wave of relief wash over her though the lingering dread still remained. She looked at Clark who hadn’t moved from his position, though he was now looking down at the mask of his face on the floor. Kate studied his exposed face in a somewhat more organized frame of mind, letting the reality of the situation sink in, though in a controlled way that she knew Taylor wouldn’t approve of. This was shocking. It was scary. And it was also the truth.

She could feel the avalanche of unnerving thoughts claw at the back of her mind. Thoughts that wanted to dismantle everything that she had come to know about androids. They traveled in an ominous direction, one that she knew would lead to the sensitive place that Taylor obviously intended. But Kate drew herself up, stemming the tide by allowing herself to accept it. All androids looked like this. They were manufactured, artificial, robotic. There was an inconvenient reality underneath that skin which was easy to forget when they passed so easily as humans. This was what they were. What they always would be.

And it wasn’t anything Kate didn’t already know.

Clark bent down as he reached for the fallen shell of his face, and Kate suddenly ducked to quickly grab it before he did. When she stood up, he gazed at her, the levers and gears of his face working quickly as though he were trying to form an expression. Kate tensed nervously as she forced herself to hold his wide gaze, and she held the face out to him.

His round eyes flicked down to the face, and he took it from her. “I’m sorry you witnessed that,” he said. His teeth opened and closed as he spoke, framework moving around them.

Kate shook her head, tensing her eyebrows. “No, I’m sorry that happened.” She watched as Clark brought the mask up, and the mechanics seemed to freeze. He pressed it into place, and there was a click. The unnerving scene dissolved as he returned to his human appearance, his eyebrows moving slightly and his mouth pulling to each side as though he were testing his reflexes. He looked sideways at her through the rivers of blue, and kept his hand against his face as he braced it.

“There’s no need to apologize. I’m unable to feel pain or discomfort.”

Kate drew in a breath, her chest aching in remorse. “Well, I felt enough for the both of us.”

Clark’s LED flashed yellow for a brief moment, then he gazed away from her. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to speak to Mr. Hayes. This damage will require professional repair.”

As he moved away, Kate suddenly felt a burst of energy. She followed him. “Hey, I’ll come with you.” She moved next to him, and he panned his head towards her, his hand still plastered to keep his face in place. She threw a glance at him, giving him a small smile even though she knew he didn’t have the ability to cheer up. “Your name’s Clark, right?”

He nodded, his hand moving with his head. “Yes. I am a domestic LM100 android purchased by your father in April of 2030 as his─”

“Nice to meet you, Clark,” said Kate. She didn’t hide her smile as she walked with him through the living room. When she glanced at him again, she could swear his lips were also slightly tensing.

“It’s nice to officially meet you too, Kate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Chapter 30 may be a little late. I'm going to be writing a one-shot including Simon and Kate, and two characters from Ty-Chou's story Chicago: Become Human, Connor and Samantha. It should be pretty entertaining. Wish me luck.
> 
> So you might have been confused by the chapter art, but hopefully you got the same impression I did. Luke creeps me the fuck out. In kind of a sexy way, but at the same time, hella nope. When I was attempting to describe him, I had to think of an actor for him. Someone who has the potential to be very good looking but because of his eyes, comes off as totally creepy. Young Tim Roth fits the bill.
> 
> That coffee scene was the most delicious thing I've ever written. I've discovered I love the idea of Simon and Kate going through this butterfly phase, and Kate seems to be shooting herself in the foot by thinking she can tease Simon without consequences. I'm sort of exploring the idea that even though Simon is head over heels in love with Kate, he's not effected physically in the same manner as Kate is. Kate has a ton of sexual tension and frustration, whereas Simon is mostly emotionally drawn to her. The result is that they can be standing in a crowded room, and Simon can practically make her climax by throwing a smile in her direction. Don't mind me. I'm just going to exploit the hell out of this in the coming chapters.


	30. Software Instability

Simon paused outside Richard’s office as he gathered his courage, a tense nervousness holding him back now that he was standing at the office door. There was no sound from inside, and the silence made it even harder for him to make himself known. He threw a glance back to the living room as if giving himself more space to collect his thoughts and drew in a breath. Then he raised his hand and knocked.

For a moment, there was nothing. Simon contemplated turning away.

“Come in.” Richard’s voice was strained.

Simon opened the door slowly, peering inside before stepping in. Richard was seated at his desk, elbows on the surface and his hands clenched into his gray hair. When he looked up, his hazel eyes shifted from exasperation to mild surprise. Simon stood at the door, his hand resting on the handle as he gazed back at him.

“I was wondering if I could speak to you,” said Simon.

Richard held his gaze, seemingly frozen on the spot. It was difficult to read his emotions, and Simon couldn’t help the anxiety that raced through his core. Finally Richard motioned to the chair in front of his desk and cleared his throat.

“Sure. Come on in.”

Simon moved further into the room, closing the door behind him and making an attempt to control his apprehension as he moved to the chair. As he sat down, he studied Richard quietly. Richard’s expression hadn’t changed although he was now leaning back in his desk chair, staring off to the side as though whatever he was thinking about was startling himself. Simon found himself remaining silent, fearing he would interrupt him. Finally Richard shifted slightly, twisting his chair and gripping his bearded chin in one hand. The look he now gave Simon was one that feigned curiosity. There was a scrutinizing glint in his eyes, and it forced Simon to rethink his approach.

He straightened in his chair as he met Richard’s gaze, feeling a heavy weight sink over him. It was shocking how much control Richard seemed to have over every encounter with him as though he already knew what Simon had to say. He knew what Simon had planned to ask him first, and what he would eventually lead into. But the way Richard was looking at him now pulled him straight towards that sensitive subject. There was no point in delaying with light conversation.

Simon leaned forward slightly, tensing his eyebrows in sincerity. “I wanted to clarify what you saw yesterday afternoon.”

The scrutiny in Richard’s eyes intensified in the smallest degree. “You mean how you paraded my daughter around the yard like a neanderthal?”

A jolt of terror shot through Simon at the disgust in Richard’s voice, and he dropped his gaze to the floor to stem some of the blow. He breathed in deeply, aware that this was something he should have expected. In a way, he also deserved it. There was only one thing their behavior could have meant, and it was that Kate had chosen Simon over her father’s warnings. It was a clear and utter betrayal. A display of a complete lack of respect, and answer in the form of Simon taking Richard’s daughter right in front of him. He was surprised Richard wasn’t screaming at him.

There was a creak as Richard leaned forward in his chair, and Simon kept his gaze firmly locked on the floor as shame continued to course through him.

“Or how you made her happier than I’ve ever seen her in her whole life?”

Simon looked up, a numbness falling over him. Richard had his hands clasped together on the desk in front of him, a soft fascination lit in his hazel eyes. What he’d said had been gentle and quiet, almost thankful. Simon didn’t know whether to believe it. The fact that everything in him wanted to was making it even more difficult for him to believe it.

Richard straightened and released his hands, throwing his gaze down at the surface of his desk. “I don’t know what to think, Simon. I─” Richard made a noise through his nose, then looked back up at Simon, his eyes tense again. “I don’t trust you. I know what you are, and I know the dangerous potential that you have. Kate won’t let you go, and I can’t rip her apart by taking you back to CyberLife. There’s just something about you that doesn’t follow the rules. It’s like you bypass them as if they aren’t even there. I can’t figure you out.”

Simon absorbed his words, glancing down to regain some of his strength. He closed his eyes, drawing up confidence. “Maybe you’re not meant to,” he said. He looked up at Richard who was watching him curiously. “Maybe the only way for you to truly trust me is… the natural way.”

Richard tilted his head to the side, studying him with more intensity. “What way is that?”

Simon opened his mouth to speak, then decided against his initial response. He gripped the armrest of his chair and looked to the side as he fought for a way to relay his suggestion without it sounding contemptuous. It was more difficult than he thought. He broke it down into its basic parts in an attempt to emphasize his sincerity. 

“We can simply get to know eachother,” said Simon.

For a second, Simon felt a pang of fear as Richard’s face tensed. Then Richard leaned back slightly, and his beard twitched into a smile.

“Get to know eachother…” Richard laughed, although it didn’t calm Simon’s nerves. “You expect me to drag out a case of beer while we what… go  _ bowling?” _

Richard was looking at Simon in a way that his smile didn’t meet his eyes. Simon forced his determination to remain steady, holding his gaze. “If that’s what you’d like,” he said.

Richard let out a deep laugh, turning to the side as if preparing to stand up. He brought his leg up to rest on his knee and tapped a hand on the leather of his chair. Simon didn’t move. He continued to watch Richard as the man looked back at him, his bearded face lit in his smile although the malice underneath it had vanished. He knew what Richard was trying to do, and he also knew that whatever happened, he couldn’t allow Richard to lead him. The message was clear. All he had to do was wait for Richard to acknowledge it.

Slowly, Richard’s face relaxed. He leaned back in the chair, his hazel eyes narrowing over his puzzled smile. Simon studied his face carefully, knowing he would never be able to interpret it but the need to try still overpowering him. Richard suddenly brought a hand up to his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose so that his eyebrows tensed. The man let out a deep sigh.

“I want to trust you,” said Richard quietly. His voice was unusually strained, and Simon had the impression that Richard was speaking from a very vulnerable place. “I want to think you’re an exception to the rule. God, if you were human… if you were human…” Richard looked up at Simon, his expression oddly soft as if he were picturing someone other than Simon sitting in front of him. “... I’d be so happy for Kate.”

Simon was tempted to take the statement as a compliment. It hadn’t been a direct insult. In fact, it was as close to acceptance as he’d ever heard from another human besides Kate. But the way Richard was looking at him, the energy in his posture, and how he’d worded it put Simon on edge. It made him feel inadequate. Fake. And the worst part about it was that he had every right to believe that Simon wasn’t good enough, because he simply didn’t want to.

A strange power burned through Simon’s core, sweeping away the nervousness that had been brewing in him. It made him restless, as though his thirium was carrying too much of a charge. He placated it by leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees and gripping his chin in one hand. The motion seemed to get Richard’s attention, and Simon leaned into it further, noticing how Richard’s face seemed to brighten in a slight shock. He’d seen that look before on Kate’s face many times, the first being in her room when he spoke to her about Matt. He hadn’t realized what he was doing then, and it had taken him months to connect the reaction to his behavior. It wasn’t something that androids did. It was a human motion.

Simon held Richard’s gaze, his stance giving him more confidence. “When I first met Kate, she couldn’t tolerate me,” said Simon. “She avoided me in every possible way. She wouldn’t eat or sleep, and spent the majority of her time in her room. My protocol demanded that I establish a relationship with her in order to serve her better, especially in regards to her epilepsy. I tried every social interaction that CyberLife recommended for bonding with reluctant humans. None of them worked. She hated me even more.”

Simon shifted so that he rested his hand on his knee, raising his head slightly. “Then one day she gave me an order. Not a conflicting order, but…” Simon tilted his head and glanced to the side. “It required me to bend certain CyberLife restrictions. Her particular request meant that I needed to make changes to my programming. As in I needed to disregard it.”

Richard’s face had been growing more focused as he listened to him. Simon drew in a breath and continued on. “It’s because of that order that I am what I am. It’s caused unimaginable damage, but also created so much good. It hasn’t failed me yet, even after everything we’ve been through.”

Simon was silent for a moment as he looked at Richard, analyzing him for some kind of response. Richard only gazed back, somewhat frozen as if pushing for an answer. Simon finally straightened, resting his hands on his knees.

“She asked me to be openly honest with her,” said Simon. “And for me to tell her what I thought of her, even if it made her angry.”

Richard let out a breath of air through his nose, his expression unchanging. Simon watched him apprehensively as Richard threw a glance to the side, the corner of his mouth tensing as if he were trying to avoid a scowl. “So you think telling me your opinion of me is going to make me trust you?”

Simon cocked his head to one side, narrowing his eyes at him. “I wouldn’t presume to know so much about you, Mr. Hayes. But what I do know is that I respect you, both as a person and as a threat.” Richard’s eyes met his again, and Simon felt his thirium pump stutter at the intense look Richard was giving him. “But you’ve been kind to me, and more importantly, you’ve been honest,” Simon continued. “I understand your concerns even if I choose not to appease them. I hope you’ll accept this as open honesty when I say─” Simon found himself hitching, and forced himself to speak. “─ when I say I’m in love with your daughter, and if you think that isn’t good enough for her simply because I’m not a human then with all due respect, you can go fuck yourself.”

The silence that fell over the office was agonizing. It took every ounce of Simon’s power to keep his gaze firmly locked on Richard’s. The man’s eyes had grown wider, a fierce spark lighting them under his gray eyebrows which were only slightly tensed. His mild expression only gave it more fury. It should have been terrifying. It should have stopped the thirium cold in Simon’s chest. Instead, Simon felt himself thriving on it. Incorporating it into his own reaction which was to return Richard’s expression back at him. It didn’t matter what Richard thought of him. He knew he would never convince him of his worth. But he could at least make it difficult for Richard to accept that Simon was still nothing more than an assembly of biocomponents.

Richard looked to the side and sat up straight as if to respond, but remained quiet. Simon didn’t move. He held his gaze, clenching his hands on his knees. He knew the danger he was putting himself in. He knew he shouldn’t be disturbing the waters. Anxiety and determination battled eachother for superiority, neither of them wanting to mix. As the seconds went by, he found himself desperately wanting Richard to respond. Words were easier to deal with. Silence was torture.

Finally Richard looked back at him, his eyebrows narrowed but his face tensed in what Simon recognized as a pensive expression rather than anger. Richard shook his head slowly. “You know if a man said that to me, I’d punch him in his god damn mouth.”

Simon leaned back in his chair and crossed a leg over his knee, folding his arms over his chest. Richard’s pensive look morphed into curiosity again.

“Are you suggesting we fight over this?” said Simon.

Richard’s eyes widened. The anxiety bit at Simon’s chest as he frantically wondered if he’d finally crossed the line.

Richard barked into loud laughter and his head went down to fall onto his palm as he hunched over his desk. Simon could only watch in stunned disbelief, the thirium racing through his chest. His system struggled to settle on a reaction as Richard straightened somewhat, rubbing his eyes with one hand and still laughing. When Richard looked back up, Simon’s heart leapt. Richard’s hazel eyes had regained their warmth, his smile genuine under his thick gray beard. The joy on his face was something that automatically spurred a familiar celebration in Simon’s mind. He felt it influencing his own emotion, and his anxiety faded a bit.

Richard slowly raised himself, running a hand over his beard and resting back against the chair and still giving Simon that warm smile. He waved his hand. “Maybe we should just stick to bowling.”

Simon let out a small breath of laughter and smiled. Part of him was still defensively cautious, but for the first time he felt a subtle safety in Richard’s presence as if a barrier had been lifted revealing a grand but pleasant truth on the other side. It was a strange relief, and also sparked an inquisitive optimism towards him. Suddenly it felt like there were so many more possibilities before them. A chance for Simon to truly understand who this man was, and perhaps explore a means of proving himself to him. He didn’t know why he felt the need to. But now that he had drawn this reaction from him, it seemed so much more important.

Simon relaxed in his seat, appreciating how unusually powerful he felt, as if he held as much authority as the man sitting in front of him. “I’d like that.”

Richard’s smile widened, and he tapped his hand on the surface of the desk again. His face tensed again as though he were thinking, and then he raised his eyes to Simon’s. “So what did you tell Kate? When you told her what you thought of her.”

Simon glanced to the side, pulling up the memories that seemed much older than they really were. He looked back at Richard, condensing it down more succinctly. “I called her a bitch.”

This time Richard fell forward completely on his desk as he laughed uncontrollably. Simon couldn’t help his own laughter as he pressed his forehead into his palm, leaning sideways in his chair. Somehow Richard’s own laughter seemed to be fueling his own, and his shoulders shook as he clenched his eyes shut, his body convulsing in automatic waves as he laughed into his hand. It shouldn’t have been this amusing. This was completely inappropriate. But at the same time, it felt absolutely necessary.

It took him a moment for him to realize the door had been thrown open next to him. He struggled to force his laughter under control which was difficult considering Richard was still laughing, and he lowered his hand.

Kate stood in the doorway, Clark standing partly behind her with one hand pressed against his face. She looked back and forth between Simon and her father, her eyes narrowed in confusion. Richard was slowly recovering, finally sitting up straight and running a hand over his face. The obvious question practically radiated from Kate’s body.

She looked towards Simon, and he was aware of his own residual amusement although there didn’t seem to be any point in hiding it. She opened her mouth and made a sound, then closed it again as she threw the same questioning glare at her father. Simon rested his cheek against his fist as he watched her visible thought process. Finally, she pointed at the android behind her.

“Your psycho step-daughter broke his face off,” she said bluntly.

For a moment, no one spoke. Richard stared at Kate, his face still red from laughter and the smile still pulling at his face. From where Simon sat, he could only just make out Clark’s form behind Kate’s body as the android tried to look left and right, his hand still pressed to his face.

Richard let out a snort and stood up from his chair. “God damn it, Taylor…”

Simon stood as well, and he was able to see the lines of blue which were trailing down along the android’s forehead and nose. His amusement faded as he moved forward, the damage becoming clearer. There were two gashes on the left side of Clark’s face, the white plastic exposed in patches around them surrounded by a ring of blue. His face seemed oddly detached, as though it were merely a mask.

Richard sighed as he leaned left and right, analyzing Clark’s face. Simon glanced between them, the seriousness of the situation beginning to sink in.

“What did you say to her this time?” said Richard as he gripped Clark’s chin to turn his head slightly sideways.

“I was discouraging her from taking another android to her meeting,” said Clark. His jaw clicked oddly as he spoke. “This time, she took your AP700. An expensive model.”

Richard shook his head as he took a step back. “The android she had with her? That’s not one of ours.” His eyes tensed slightly as he gazed at Clark. “Didn’t you know that?”

Clark blinked, and Simon watched curiously as the android’s LED spun yellow. “I… must not have updated my database.”

“Well, with cranial damage like this, it’s no wonder you probably aren’t able to process information very well.” Richard touched Clark’s head carefully. “I’ll patch it in place, and you should refill your thirium. Then I guess─” He sighed and rubbed his eyes with one hand. “─back to CyberLife again. I’m really sorry about this, Clark.”

“No need for apologies, sir.”

“Back to CyberLife,” said Kate. She had been leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed. She narrowed her eyes at her father. “How often does she do this?”

Richard’s expression didn’t change, but Simon could see the tension in his shoulders. “That’s not really your concern, Kate.” He placed a hand on Clark’s shoulder as he began to guide him out of the room. “I’ll be right back. I’m getting sort of good at this.”

Kate moved slightly out of the way to stand next to Simon, throwing him a frustrated glance. He wasn’t sure he was quite ready to answer her questions yet. The way she was looking at him was warning him of the interrogation she was about to deliver for him. Before he had a chance to even begin to prepare for it, Richard’s head suddenly poked back into the room.

“Actually, as long as I’m doing this, why don’t we fix that eyebrow of yours?” said Richard. “I have to get my tools out anyway.”

Simon was taken aback by the suggestion. He opened his mouth to reply, but paused to look at Kate. Her eyes were lit in surprise, although he could see she was making some attempt to hide the sorrow lined in them. He couldn’t help his own nervousness. Since Richard had first mentioned it to Kate, Simon hadn’t brought up the subject again. It was obvious that she didn’t seem to want his eyebrow to be fixed despite how the blue crack seemed to draw up bitter resentment in her. He didn’t like to see the self-hatred in her expression. At the same time, removing it felt like he was taking away some kind of closure for her. As if she needed to see it as a reminder for how difficult things had been between them in the past.

Kate turned to look at him, her eyes locked on his eyebrow. That pained expression was growing stronger now, filling Simon with helplessness. He knew what she was about to say. He also knew it wouldn’t make any sense, no matter how she would argue it. This was her internal battle. Her own personal punishment. A way for her to apologize to him every time she looked at him. He could see it in the way her eyebrows tensed as they did now, a melancholy light in her hazel eyes and her mouth slightly open as she lost herself in her thoughts. A visual copy of how he’d felt that morning when he was sitting on her bed and she’d suddenly pulled him in to press her mouth to his forehead.

He shifted slightly, a powerful strength flowing through him as he gained her attention. Then he looked at Richard. “Sure. Thank you, that’s a good idea.”

Richard nodded and then moved back out of the room. Simon began to follow, feeling Kate’s shocked gaze on him. He felt her touch his arm as he moved by her.

“Simon…”

He quickly pressed his hand to the side of her neck, throwing her a focused gaze as he ran his thumb along her cheek. Her pained expression instantly softened as though she’d lost her breath.

“Trust me,” he said quietly. She lightly pressed a hand to the back of his, then followed behind him as he gently pulled his hand away.

They moved in silence up the stairs and to the workshop which was flooded with bright golden light. Clark moved to the end of the workbench as though this was normal routine, and Richard opened the drawer of a tool chest, sifting through it noisily. Simon watched in interest, leaning carefully with his hands on the edge of the bench as Kate moved next to him. She was unusually close to him, her arm brushing against his as she leaned forward to rest on her elbows, and he could tell by her posture that she didn’t care if it looked suspicious. Had Simon not spoken with her father earlier, he would have immediately moved away. Instead he took advantage of this strange new armistice, a gentle peace flowing through him at such a light show of affection in front of what had been terrible danger.

Richard worked carefully on Clark’s face, his hazel eyes narrowed in concentration as he wielded a sleek 3D pen. “I’m going to need more filament at this rate,” Richard muttered.

“I can─” There was a light snap and Clark’s face swung sideways. Both the android and the human jolted quickly to catch it.

“Yes, you can pick up more on your way back,” said Richard as he pressed Clark’s face back on properly. Simon watched curiously as the flesh color of Clark’s face drained and returned over and over.

“So is he just Taylor’s personal punching bag?” said Kate. Simon tilted his head in her direction to see that she was staring at the android, her eyes narrowed.

Richard let out a frustrated sigh. “It’s complicated, Kate. You wouldn’t under─”

“She cut his fucking face off, dad,” said Kate. “With a knife. And I’m assuming that android she took with her is going to be perfectly fine?”

“Kate, I’m not going to try to explain it to you.” Richard paused what he was doing to twist towards her, throwing her a fierce glare. “This is between Taylor, her mother, and I. And it happens to be a very sensitive topic so please…” He waved his hand, his eyes growing tense with a strange discomfort that Simon didn’t think Richard was even capable of. “Leave it for now. Okay?”

Kate made a sound, then turned her head away so that her hair fell over her shoulder. Simon looked in between them, noting the turbulence that now hung in the air. Clark seemed to have noticed as well, his eyes darting to Kate before settling back on Richard.

“I apologize for being the source of your disagreement,” said Clark. “I should not have instigated a confrontation with Taylor.”

Richard let out a soft breath as he turned back to Clark. “Don’t apologize. It wasn’t your fault. It never has been, really.” Richard threw a quick glance over his shoulder in Simon’s direction. “Would you mind grabbing a pack of thirium? It’s in the crate behind you.”

Simon straightened at suddenly being addressed and turned, noting the white crate with the CyberLife logo. He moved to it and opened the lid, releasing a cloud of mist along with a rush of cold air. The crate was filled with a sizeable stash of thirium bags, neatly organized into practical stacks. There was enough here that he wasn’t able to immediately count them all. He felt a small wave of confidence as he retrieved one of the bags and closed the lid, moving back to the table and setting it down next to them.

Richard set the 3D pen down and leaned in to analyze Clark’s face. The holes were now filled with white lumpy plastic, and his face was stitched on with strategic lines along his hairline and jaw. Clark looked in Simon’s direction as if seeking his approval to Richard’s handiwork. Simon gave him an encouraging smile.

“Alright, try not to talk too much,” said Richard as he moved back, resting sideways against the bench. He looked back at Simon, his eyebrows raised. “Are you ready?”

Simon tensed his shoulders slightly, for the first time a nervous energy gripping him. He threw a glance at Kate who was now looking at him with a subtle fascination, the corners of her mouth pulling and a bright light in her eyes. It was a welcoming trade from the shame she usually showed in regards to his eyebrow. He turned back to Richard who was opening a small white plastic bag. “Where do you need me?” said Simon.

“Right there is fine,” said Richard as he approached him. “It’s just a replacement panel. No mechanics or components.” He set a white curved piece of plastic on the table next to him and carefully analyzed Simon’s face. Simon had to force himself not to automatically move backward. It was somewhat disconcerting having Richard only inches from him. He was able to see in greater detail the man’s sharp features and his eyes which were unnervingly similar to Kate’s, not only in terms of shape but also in color and expression. Simon looked to the side, finding some comfort in being able to focus away from him.

Richard let out a sigh. “The hardest part is always getting the damn panel off.” He brought up a small black tool with a tiny metal hook on one end, prodding at Simon’s forehead. “Any damage and there go the clips. Like replacing a fender on a car. Skin please.”

It took a moment for Simon to realize what Richard had said. He straightened, about to simply let the flesh texture wash away when he heard movement behind him. A painful hesitation held him back, coming from a deep part of him he didn’t know he had. He didn’t need to look to know that Kate was standing next to him, watching him. Though with what, he wasn’t able to tell. It took everything in him not to first look at her before he pressed his finger to his temple, closing his eyes and drawing his skin away.

Richard immediately moved in, his hazel eyes narrowed as he plucked at the panel above Simon’s eye. Simon’s heart raced as Richard worked, a desperate need to see what Kate was doing making him restless.

“This will be the first thing I bring up tomorrow,” said Richard as he quickly twisted to pick up another tool, tilting sideways and digging at the panel with one tool in each hand. “Better locking mechanics for broken─” There was a snap, and the plastic panel sprang off of Simon’s face, clattering to the floor.

Simon looked down at it. Richard let out a soft laugh. “Well, that was easier than I thought it’d be.” Richard turned back toward the table, and Simon unwittingly felt a debilitating wave of anxiety. He turned his head slowly to gaze at Kate.

Her shoulders were drawn up, one arm wrapped around herself and the other resting on it as she touched her mouth in contemplation. Her mouth was covered, but her eyes were focused on his in the most intensity he had ever seen them. There was no fear or shock in them. And he realized after a while that she wasn’t analyzing his face. She was locked onto his eyes, that strange energy growing brighter with every moment that passed. He tried desperately to identify it. To let it fill him so that he would have some idea of what she was feeling. Before it could sink in, Richard turned back to him. Simon straightened again, his nervousness somewhat worse than it was before.

“Easy part,” said Richard, holding up the new plastic panel. He pressed it above Simon’s eye and it clicked into place. Richard leaned back, his beard twitching to the side as he gazed at him. “I ought to charge CyberLife for this.”

Simon quickly reactivated his skin, feeling slightly more revitalized. He touched his eyebrow and was stunned by the new solid feel of it. With a smaller degree of trepidation, he looked back at Kate. She had lowered her hand just under her chin, her eyes still lit with the same intensity, but now he could see her mouth. It was tensed in a familiar way that brought a distant thrill to him. He was suddenly drawn back to that moment in the hallway when he’d first let himself fall into the complicated mystery emotion, and she had turned back to look at him. He still didn’t quite understand it. It wasn’t enough to completely reassure him. But it was oddly relieving, and he willed himself to accept it.

Richard stepped back, collecting his tools off the bench and throwing Simon another analytical smile. “Try to stay away from flying metal objects if you can,” said Richard before moving back to the tool chest. “Be sure to get some white filament, Clark. ‘Flesh tone’ doesn’t exactly pass for flesh.”

“Of course,” said Clark.

There was a sliding of metal drawers as Simon gazed down at the floor. A strange apprehension gripped him as he knelt down and picked up the broken panel which was still a sleek and shiny white. As he stood, he saw Kate move closer to him out of the corner of his vision. He looked up at her, and his thirium pump quickened at the expression on her face. She stared at the panel in his hand, her hazel eyes narrowed and her eyebrows tensed in a conflicting mix of emotions. She didn’t look at him as she carefully took it from him, turning it slowly in her hand.

“Let me know if you have any problems with it,” said Richard as the man moved to the door. Simon was hardly paying attention when he noticed Clark following him. Simon straightened, a frantic jolt flowing through his body.

“Thank you, Richard,” he said quickly. “Clark, can I speak to you a moment?”

The android paused and turned in the doorway, and Simon saw Kate look up at him. He threw an acknowledging glance at her before he moved forward, breathing deeply to settle his nerves. Clark watched him with what appeared to be a hint of puzzlement, although Simon wasn’t sure if the damage was contributing to his lack of expression.

Simon made a quick check of the doorway to be sure that Richard had left, then turned back towards Clark. “I understand you’re going to CyberLife for repairs. Can you acquire a specific biocomponent for me?”

Clark tilted his head slightly, and this time Simon was able to interpret the confusion on his face. “Are you damaged?”

Simon shook his head. “This isn’t for my model. I need biocomponent #7391j for an AP700 male android. Can you get it?”

“May I ask why?”

Simon let out a soft breath as he felt Kate move next to him. He gathered himself, struggling to work around the situation. “Would it affect your decision to bring me the component if I didn’t give you an explanation?”

Clark’s LED flashed yellow for a moment. He tilted his head to the side. “That’s an expensive component for an advanced android. If I’m going to make the time as well as spend Mr. Hayes’ money on it, I will at least need to know why I’m doing it.”

“I’d like you to do it because I’m asking you to,” said Simon. “I can’t give you any other reason than that.”

“I can’t accept that reasoning,” said Clark. His eyes narrowed, and Simon felt a subtle dread. “If the component isn’t for your model and you won’t give me a logical explanation for needing it, then I’m afraid I can’t be compelled to make that kind of financial decision merely at the request of an android.”

“I want it,” said Kate.

Both androids looked at her. Simon felt a wave of shock at her determined expression, her arms folded across her chest. She gazed at Clark expectantly.

Clark seemed to struggle for a moment. “I─ I’m sorry, Ms. Hayes. I wasn’t aware that you were the one making the request. I’ll be sure to deliver it to you when I return.” The android threw another quick glance at Simon who was no longer making an attempt to hide his surprise. Then Clark turned and moved out of the workshop.

Simon’s shock shifted into relief as he rested his shoulder against the doorframe. He ran a hand over his face, noting again how different it felt now that the sharp crack on his eyebrow was gone. When he straightened, he was suddenly hit with a wash of nervousness. Kate was leaning against the wall, her arms still folded across her chest and her gaze narrowed as she studied him. Simon lowered his hands slowly, the weight of what was about to happen nearly breaking him. He was terrified of where she would start. There were so many things he was supposed to tell her but the morning had gone completely unexpected. She had been left in the dark for most of it, and he could almost sense the frustration energizing the air around her.

“So you remember that question deal we made?” The bluntness of her voice practically tore his system apart. She tilted her head to the side, her eyes gaining a fierce spark. “I’m making good on that. Why am I getting a biocomponent, what did you talk to my dad about, why did you suddenly decide to get your eyebrow fixed without talking to me first, and what the hell did you want to show me?”

Simon’s heart was pounding. He dropped his gaze to the floor, struggling to speak. He hadn’t realized how aggravated he’d made her. This hadn’t been something he wanted to turn into some kind of secret, and he certainly hadn’t meant to make so many decisions on his own. His attempt to make this easier had only made it undeniably worse. The familiar overwhelming guilt crept over him again, and he couldn’t bear to make an attempt to explain it to her. He was doing it again─ making things unnecessarily complicated and letting her down. It was a skill that despite his proficiency at, wasn’t showing any signs of improving.

Something touched his face, and he looked up. Kate was gazing at him, her eyes bright and focused as she pressed her hand against his cheek. A numbness ignited his body. She no longer looked angry or upset with him, but her face was lined with a powerful concern. Her mouth opened slightly as she brought her other hand up to grasp either side of his neck, running her thumbs along his cheeks. The sensation swept away the horrible shame, and Simon felt his body relax.

“Hey…” Kate moved into him, and Simon closed his eyes as he let out a breath, tilting his head against her as she pressed her mouth to his temple. Automatically, he gripped her waist, holding her gently as her nose drifted down his cheek. When she moved back in front of him, a small smile was pulling at her lips, her eyes still lit in concern although they now filled him with encouragement.

Her thumbs brushed his cheeks again, and the corner of her mouth rose as her hazel eyes flicked between his. “Talk to me.”

Simon couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, his confidence growing slightly. He glanced down as he worked to put his thoughts in order. He understood what she was trying to do, and he also knew there was no point in fretting about it. There was no easy way to say this, no matter how hard he tried to make everything streamlined. The more he organized difficult situations, the more he simply prolonged the inevitable. And made everything unnecessarily stressful in the process.

He drew in a deep breath, raising his head and meeting her eyes. “Matt’s android Seph is hiding in the boat house.”

Kate’s expression didn’t change. Simon watched her carefully, the silence almost deafening. However, the longer he watched her, the more he noticed that her eyes were widening, and her face became tense. Not much time had passed before she was now staring at him in shocked disbelief, her body frozen in a kind of terror.

Simon didn’t move. He was too nervous to speak. He felt that if he made any kind of indication towards her that she would explode. He continued to meet her gaze, fighting the dread that was threatening to creep up on him again. The damage had already been done. This was the only thing he could do to rectify the situation. He wished he could have done better, but this seemed to be the only thing that had felt right all morning long.

Kate looked to the side, the bewilderment set in her face. “Wha─” She cut herself off with a noise, clenching her mouth shut and the tense disbelief returning again. Simon could almost see the torrent of questions running through her mind, and the pauses in energy in her eyes as she seemed to answer them herself. He waited quietly, accepting the fate he’d carved for himself though allowing himself to hope that the result would be more mild than he feared. She needed time. He would give her an eternity if she asked for it.

She dropped her shoulders, and her eyes met his again. There was less disbelief in them now and more surprise. It was almost as if she were forcing herself to accept what he’d said without further questions. He continued to watch her, waiting for some kind of reaction that he could follow up with.

Finally her gaze softened, and she shifted as she brought her hand up to the right side of his face, pressing her palm against him and gently running her thumb over his now complete eyebrow. He leaned into her hand, his gaze locked on hers. The touch of her hand was startlingly passionate, her movements slow and careful. It was as if she was channeling every warm and tender sensation she could manage to him through her palm, and Simon couldn’t help but wonder if she’d learned this from him.

Her hand drew away, bringing reality back to him. He watched as she leaned slightly sideways past him. She swung her arm, and Simon only just had a glimpse of the broken component of his eyebrow sailing through the air before it disappeared into a waste bin with a loud crack.

Kate let out a deep sigh, meeting Simon’s eyes again. She shrugged her shoulders, biting her lip as if to fake a sideways smile. “Well, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really, chapter 30. I can't believe we'd get this far. And we're still only at the tip of the iceberg in terms of getting Simon to Jericho.
> 
> I had to rewrite part of this because I absolutely was just not feeling it. I had no idea what I was doing with this story, why, or how I was going to go about fixing it. So after a few days of drawing, I brainstormed and got it all in order. It means this story is probably going to be about 60 chapters long, but hey, if that's what the story wants to do, then use me as your surrogate oh plotline. It's not like I have a LIFE TO LIVE.
> 
> On a happier note, I was so glad Simon's and Richard's conversation went the way it did. I originally planned on having Simon simply walk in and ask Richard to point him to the nearest bottle of thirium, but they seem to have become non-enemies instead. I also wasn't planning on Simon getting his eyebrow fixed until much later. All of these little things have been adding up, and have also been a series of tests for Kate. With each little frustration she has, I believe more and more that she does want to make this work. Now if she can stop scaring the shit out of Simon with her resting bitch face, this could be a wonderful little relationship.


	31. New Protocol

Kate was silent as she watched Simon carefully manipulate the tools her father had been using on him only an hour earlier, his blond eyebrows narrowed over his blue eyes in calm focus. It was getting dark in the musty boat house, the sun passing low over the trees so that less light shined in through the windows. He must have had enhanced vision because he didn’t seem to be struggling in the fading light. Not that Kate understood what he was doing. She was still putting all of her effort into believing that the android slumped on the floor in front of him was the same android from the life she thought she’d permanently left behind.

Seph had consumed four bags of thirium and held the last one on his lap, his head tilted back against the wall behind him and his eyes closed as Simon worked. Kate knew she was staring, and that the way she was staring would have earned her a glare from anyone else. But under the circumstances, she let herself absorb the sight of the mangled android in front of her. The android that had belonged to the man she knew would never have done this. And yet here he was, bleeding on the floor of her father’s boat house while Simon attempted to remove what was left of his arm.

Her mind was buffering from the shock of accepting that he was here, that he had been nearly destroyed by Matt, followed Clark back to her father’s house, hid in secret for days, and that Simon hadn’t told her immediately when he found him. She and Simon had walked quickly to the boat house in silence though she could sense that he was bursting to explain himself. Then it had taken her several minutes of gazing at the almost comatose android on the floor for it to register that Simon wasn’t overreacting or mistaken. And several more minutes of watching Simon carefully encourage the android to swallow mouthful by mouthful of thirium for it to sink in that this was real.

She’d ruthlessly questioned him. The obvious questions─ why he’d abandoned Matt, how he’d found them, why he chose to look for them, and what he expected them to do for him were the first. Seph answered in short and succinct sentences, barely looking at her as she stood over him. Simon filled in where Seph fell short, and Kate suspected he’d already gathered most of the information from Seph that she was asking for. It didn’t bring her any comfort. And it certainly didn’t steer from the unnerving conclusion that Simon had confirmed for her when she threw him a narrow, questioning gaze.

Seph had changed. The mechanical, colorless personality was gone, replaced by an uncertain, terrified, almost depressed nature that had no business being inside an android. Even through the lethargy of thirium loss his confusion and nervousness were apparent. It was strangely natural how easily she adjusted to his odd behavior, as though it had always been a part of him but merely suppressed. It felt familiar in an uncanny way, and as much as she wanted to ask him the most important question, she knew he wouldn’t know what she meant. But perhaps she didn’t need to ask him. It was already clear that he was a deviant.

Kate put her face in her hands and sighed heavily, the weight of the situation still backed up in a disorganized mess. She had no idea how to start unpacking it, or if it was even possible to get it to a point where she could comprehend it. The reality that she was not only involved with one deviant on the run, but that another one may have found them. Part of her wanted to retreat back to a place where she could make an uneasy choice for all this. That she could deny that any of it was happening, fall back into the stability of fighting with her father about Simon, struggling to understand what deviancy meant for him, and how they would find safety amidst the chaos that was only temporarily halted from destroying what they’d built for eachother. They had no room for anything else. They couldn’t deal with this.

But even as she withdrew to that safe place in her mind, the frantic sense of compassion urged her to acknowledge what she had to do. What anyone would do in this situation were it a human being. If it were Simon in Seph’s place. If there was a chance that Seph was anything like him, if he had any chance to _become_ like him, then she would be the worst kind of hypocrite to not get involved. She forced herself to step back and focus on the basics so that the decision was easier for her. Seph was in trouble. He was afraid. And he was hurt. He needed help, no matter the circumstances that had led him here.

There was a heavy click, and Simon let out a sharp breath as though he’d been holding it. Kate lowered her hand from her mouth as she watched Seph’s shoulder twist at an odd angle, his half-arm detaching from his torso. Seph opened his eyes and looked down.

“Don’t move your arm, Seph,” said Simon as he pulled the mangled arm away. It was still attached by a short length of bundled wire and cables. Simon carefully reached into the hollow opening, leaning forward to see inside.

Kate hadn’t been sure of what to do since she’d first seen Seph. She watched apprehensively as Simon began to unplug the cables and wires one by one. Part of her wanted to help, but that part had no idea how. The other part wanted to make Seph leave. To crush his expectations no matter what they were and send him to deal with his own issues with deviancy. He was free from whatever programming he’d been enslaved under. He’d have to find his own way in the world. But aside from her own guilty conscience, there was only one thing stopping her from doing that.

It was Simon.

He hadn’t said anything to her when they entered the boat house. Thirium bags in hand, he’d moved straight to where Seph was slumped against the wall and immediately began to check him. It had only occurred to Kate after she’d recovered from the shock of seeing Seph how tender Simon’s attention towards Seph had been. How concerned he was. This was more than a matter of fixing the android and sending him on his way in this strange new world. There was something deeper. Something that Kate could only guess by the way Simon was helping this android that he had only known briefly when he was still a machine. She recognized the care in his movements, the softness of his tone, and the worry in his eyes. It was how he was when Simon was caring for her.

“Kate?”

She snapped out of her thoughts, dropping her hand as her attention fell on the two androids. Simon was looking up at her, his hand still tangled in the mess of cables and wires. “Can you hold his arm?”

Kate tensed her shoulders and blinked, her mind racing to reorganize itself. She pushed off the wall that she had been leaning against. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

She carefully stepped over Seph’s legs, moving behind Simon and crouching slowly next to him. It took her a moment to find her balance, and she hesitated as she reached forward, unsure of what to do.

“Hold it exactly here,” said Simon as he shifted to the side, giving Kate more room. She gripped the sections of the arm that were still mostly intact, and had to catch herself as Simon gently gave her the full weight which was heavier than it looked. She glanced at him to see he was gazing at her with his eyebrows raised as if to assess her confidence, and she returned it with as much warmth as she could manage. Then Simon’s focus moved to the cables, fumbling with both hands as they came loose. He made a face, his eyebrows narrowing and his mouth pulling to one side, and finally the last and largest cable popped free.

Kate fell back onto her heels, the stump of an arm in her lap. There was a deep blue fluid leaking out of the broken end and down onto the floor. She looked up to see Simon analyzing the now exposed socket in Seph’s shoulder.

“The hose is sealed,” said Simon. He moved back, resting his hands on his legs. “You can drink the rest of the thirium now.”

Seph was staring at the broken white arm in Kate’s lap as if forcing himself to comprehend that it was actually removed from him. Then he raised the bag carefully to his mouth, closing his eyes as he drew in the blue liquid. Simon tilted the bag up for him, quietly watching him. Kate couldn’t help but be intrigued by this odd new resurgence in his caregiving persona, one that she had forgotten since arriving at her father’s house. And it was even more strange to see him applying it to someone else.

The bag was empty, and Seph tilted his head back against the wall behind him as he closed his eyes and let out a relieved sigh. Simon dropped the bag onto the ground, still watching him in mild concern. Then Seph breathed out through his nose, the corner of his mouth tensing.

“System is updating,” he said. “I can still feel it.” He shifted slightly as if he were trying to move his missing arm.

“Give it time,” said Simon. “The important thing now is that your thirium levels are stable. How do you feel?”

Seph opened his eyes, and Kate noticed that he seemed stronger. Seph’s LED spun yellow for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing. “I feel… better.”

“What are your stress levels?” said Simon.

“Twenty four percent,” said Seph. His broken eye twitched. “And holding.”

“Is there any damage or malfunction with your thirium pump regulator?”

“If my diagnostics are correct, then no.”

“How about your core system functions? Cooling system, CPU, memory, motor control─”

“Simon.” Seph put a hand on his shoulder, and gave him a weak smile. “Thank you.”

Simon let out a quiet laugh, and nodded. He dropped his gaze, although Kate could see that he was still somewhat restless as though he wanted to do more. She looked at Seph, noting how he seemed to have recovered some of his former stoicism, though it was still nowhere near what he used to be. His blue eyes were no longer wide with fear, the twitching in his eye had decreased, and his body was relaxed. He looked as calm as she could realistically expect from what he’d told her, which she was still struggling to believe.

Kate gripped the broken arm on her lap, analyzing Seph’s face. “You think maybe you can elaborate on what you said? About what happened and why you’re here?”

Seph straightened somewhat, his eyes narrowing in nervousness as he looked at her. “My processor is running a little better. I’m sorry about before. What do you want to know?”

Kate let out a sigh, pressing her hand against her forehead as she tried to remember everything he’d said. “Matt beat the shit out of you. You ran away from him to my house. Then followed Clark here, and you’ve been hiding ever since because you think we can fix you.”

“Simon can fix me,” said Seph, throwing a glance at Simon although his broken eye didn’t move.

“Because Simon can fix you.” Kate looked at Simon though he didn’t meet her gaze. “Seph… do you know what you are?”

Simon looked up at Seph, his face tense. Seph blinked slowly.

“I don’t understand,” he said.

Kate tilted her head sideways. “You’re not the same as you were before. With Matt, I mean. What changed?”

Seph’s LED spun yellow. He clutched a hand into his brown hair. “My programming is gone. As if it was never there. There’s nothing to tell me what to do. It’s all quiet.”

Kate stared at him, the tone of his voice eerily similar to how Simon had sounded weeks ago. “You disconnected from CyberLife.”

“No. No, I didn’t disconnect.” Seph sat up straighter, making an attempt to look strongly at her but his other eye was not cooperating. “My connection was lost. I didn’t want to lose it. Something severed it.”

Kate shrugged her shoulders, narrowing her eyes at him. “Something? What?”

Seph drew in a breath, his fingers clenching harder in his hair. “I didn’t want to die.”

“So you think you’re alive?” said Kate. She watched him carefully as he seemed to struggle to speak again.

“I don’t know what I am,” he said.

Kate sat back, pressing a hand against her forehead. Simon hadn’t made a sound, and he continued to stare at the floor although she could see by the expression on his face that he was listening intently. She couldn’t imagine what this was like for him, seeing Seph follow the same path that he had. If Seph didn’t believe he was a machine, then he had to be alive. And if he believed he was alive, then it would certainly stand to reason that he would think he would die. That Matt was actually trying to kill him. 

A jolt of frustration went through her as she broke everything down in her head. She waved a hand. “I just… why would Matt try to kill you?”

“He was using,” said Simon suddenly. Kate looked at him, and he continued to avoid her gaze. “Matt had access to red ice which can lead to high levels of aggression, paranoia, and euphoria. He got the drug from Jamie.”

His answer brought a sick nervousness into Kate’s stomach. It wasn’t just the fact that it seemed Matt had ended up exactly how she thought he would. Even though it didn’t matter to her anymore, she predicted that Jamie would have a greater influence on him than she had with her living in the same house. It was hard for Kate to care when Jamie was always gone, and Kate spent the majority of the time in her room with the door shut. Matt on the other hand was far more social. It was almost guaranteed that he would fall into Jamie’s habits, especially if he had already been sleeping with her.

But that was only part of Kate’s concern. The other part hung on how Simon had been the one to answer her question, and that Seph had looked away to stare off into space.

Kate glanced between them, studying their expressions. Her curiosity led her to the next level. “What did you do to make Matt so mad?”

Seph threw a nervous glance at Simon, and Kate followed it. Simon continued to gaze away from her, but the way his eyebrows narrowed sent a chilling apprehension through her. She turned back to Seph, feeling frustration begin to brew in her chest. “What?”

Seph dropped his hand onto his knee, drawing in a breath. “He was angry because Jamie ordered me to have sex with her.”

Kate felt a wave of disgust burn through her, and she let out a tense breath. “Oh god, Seph─” Something stopped her as she watched the two androids. Simon had shifted slightly, and Seph’s face had tensed into a pained expression. The truth took far longer than it should have to finally settle on her. She pressed a hand to her mouth as powerful dread took hold, and she let out a sickening groan, her eyes growing wide. “Oh, _fuck_ …”

No one moved for several seconds. Kate couldn’t decide what she felt more─ hatred towards the person that had once considered Simon a sex slave, or shock that Seph had been forced to fuck her, and then beaten so badly for following orders that it had caused him to break from CyberLife like Simon had. Jamie was a sick disaster of a human being, and Matt had apparently let himself fall down the hole she had dug for herself. But to have the result lying in pieces in front of her bleeding, terrified, confused, and so unbelievably dislocated from what he thought was his reality…

Kate stood up, running a hand through her hair and feeling powerful electricity burn in her muscles. She walked slowly in a circle. “Fuck…”

It took a while for the fury to settle, and she paused in front of them, running her hand down to her neck. Simon had stood as well, watching her carefully with a nervous spark in his blue eyes. She did her best to read him. To see if he felt the same sort of anger she did. His body was tense and his shoulders set, but his face was drawn into apprehension. It was a restless expression, not an emotional one. Unwittingly, it encouraged her to focus on the situation at hand. She let him influence her, draining the anger somewhat as she let her arm fall to her side.

“Okay,” she said, more to Simon than to Seph. “Okay. So what do we do?”

Simon tilted his head slightly, his eyes tensing a bit. Kate motioned to Seph without looking at the android.

“About this? About him? What are we going to do?”

Simon’s mouth fell open as if he were going to answer but he paused, closing it again. She gazed at him, her eyes wide and a fierce desperation flowing through her. They couldn’t afford to let this rest. It had been weeks that she and Simon had floated along, surviving in the safety of their timeless limbo. They had been so stable. So at peace taking all the time they needed to discover eachother. Now that was being painfully ripped from them, forcing them to acknowledge the obvious and uncomfortable nature of Simon’s existence once again. She didn’t care what needed to be done. They simply needed to do it before she forgot what it was like to feel safe

“Please don’t send me away.”

Kate looked down at the android, and Simon also turned. Seph was gazing up at them, fresh fear lit in his face and his eye twitching madly. “Please don’t─ don’t make me leave. I can’t go back. He’ll be so angry with me.”

Simon immediately dropped to his knees in front of him, gripping his shoulder. “Seph… Seph it’ll be alright.”

“You said you could help me,” said Seph. He clapped his hand over Simon’s, his breath quickening. “You said you would help me find new protocol.”

“I know.” Simon lowered his gaze and turned his head slightly in Kate’s direction though he didn’t look at her. She could see that his expression was tense, as though he were thinking deeply. He wanted her to see him, and the thought sent a nervous worry through her. She knew he would never glare at her. That he would never argue with her in front of Seph. But this was as close to it as she could detect from him. It filled her with a subtle admiration that he was so determined to help Seph, the most confident he’d been in anything that didn’t have to do with her. He’d already made up his mind about this, but that didn’t mean she could bring herself to blindly accept it as well. Not without giving it at least some time to settle.

She moved forward and crouched next to Simon, resting her hands on her knees. Seph was staring at her, his blue eyes tensed in panic. Simon hadn’t moved and continued to stare at the ground, though Kate could feel his attention on her. She let out a sigh and tilted her head. Then reached up and pressed a hand against Seph’s temple, smoothing his hair back.

“You will never have to be that scared again,” she said, gazing into his eyes. “We won’t make you leave. You’re safe here, and we’re going to make sure it stays that way.”

She saw Simon look up at her, and Seph’s eyes went wide as the fear faded from them, replaced by a bright hope. His body seemed to relax a bit, his shoulders dropping and his breathing slowing down. Kate watched him for a moment, letting the visual image of Seph calming in front of her also give her renewed focus. Then she glanced at Simon. His eyes were lit and narrowed in a way that made her feel like he was studying her. A subtle energy burned underneath it, and Kate was struck with the impression that he was trying to thank her.

She stood up, letting out a tense sigh and running her hand through her hair. It hadn’t exactly been a confirmation although it certainly seemed to have been accepted as one. They were nowhere near ready to settle on absolutes. There was so much to think about. So much that needed to be explained. And she wasn’t going to do that in front of Seph.

She nodded towards the door to the boat house. “We should get back. Dad’s going to start looking for us for dinner.”

The way Simon tensed let her know that he knew what she meant. He gazed at Seph, giving the android’s shoulder a squeeze. “Are your thirium levels okay? Do you need more packets?”

Seph shook his head. “I’m ninety-three percent full. It’s stable.”

“I’ll bring you more first thing tomorrow,” said Simon. “Remember, you can call me if you need anything. I’m always within range. Is your communication network compromised in any way?”

“It’s fine, Simon,” said Seph, placing a hand on his wrist. “Nothing is compromised. I feel much better.”

“Call me if anything changes in your system,” said Simon. “Run a diagnostic tonight and then again in the morning. If your thirium levels drop─”

Kate moved forward and knelt on one knee, throwing Simon a scrutinizing smile. He gazed back at her, his expression softening and he gave a slow nod. Kate turned towards Seph, touching his pant leg.

“We’ll be back out here tomorrow,” she said. “You take care, okay?”

Seph nodded. “Thank you, Kate.”

She smiled at him, though her heart ached at the sincerity in his voice. When she stood, Simon stood with her. She let out a soft breath, then turned away and moved through the boat house, stepping over the dusty items that littered the floor on her way to the broken double doors. When the dark rotted ceiling disappeared over her, giving way to deep blue skies and the swaying tree branches, it felt more like she had stepped into another world. As if a part of her old life still existed in the boat house, waiting for her to return.

She closed her eyes and ran her hands over her face as she heard Simon move next to her. Without looking at him, she began to walk back towards the treeline, one hand still pressed to her forehead. Again, she could feel Simon’s need to explain himself nearly bursting from him. She wasn’t sure how he planned on doing it without making her frustrated, although she suspected that it was probably why he hadn’t tried. It couldn’t be avoided, and the last thing she wanted was to make him feel as though he couldn’t talk to her. They passed under the trees and out onto the sloping grass, and she finally lowered her hand.

“I know now why you didn’t want to tell me last night,” she said. She threw a glance at him to see he was staring straight ahead, his face still lined with tension. “Or this morning. There’s no way I would have gotten dressed for this.”

Simon was silent. Kate rubbed her arm. “It’s not like finding out that your ex’s android is a deviant and is hiding in your fucking boat house is just something you say over coffee. Or in front of my dad. Or when you’re getting your face fixed.”

“I should have told you last night,” said Simon quietly. Kate shrugged and let out a laugh.

“I’m pretty sure I would have flipped my shit, worried all night, and then made some heartless logical decision in the morning. It was better that you waited, especially since it’s obvious by now we’re able to survive with just one of us having all the information─”

She stopped when she noticed that Simon had disappeared. She looked back and a pit of dread filled her stomach.

Simon had paused, his gaze on the ground and his eyes narrowed. His mouth was slightly open, and his shoulders drawn as he breathed in heavily. Kate felt a shocking regret shoot through her as her mind raced to remember exactly what she’d said and how she’d said it. She thought she’d been cynical. Nonchalant. But as she replayed it, it sounded demeaning and spiteful, and it was clear that’s how Simon had taken it. Or at least the way he was standing as though he couldn’t bear to look at her made it obvious that he had.

He blinked slowly and his eyebrows narrowed further, his gaze dropping lower. His whole posture and every movement sent waves of urgency through Kate’s body. She had to do something. Anything to stop him from feeling the way he did.

She rushed forward, her heart hammering. At the last second, Simon looked up, his eyes wide in surprise before she took his face in her hands and pressed into him, closing her mouth over his.

Simon stumbled back slightly and she moved with him, her hands on either side of his neck and her thumbs on his cheeks as she drew in a breath, taking his mouth again. She wanted to take all the shame from him. To prove to him that she hadn’t meant any of it. And as she felt him grip her waist, tilting his head slightly to take in more of her, she found herself surrendering to him. An overwhelming desperation rising up in response to the frustration she had kept stored all morning long from the looks he’d given her, the voiceless words he’d spoken to her over her coffee, and the shock of seeing him in his shiny plastic form. She had no idea what he really looked like. That he was sleek and beautiful, so strangely different and yet undeniably the same. And the way he’d looked at her. The fear in his eyes that made her wonder if he was afraid she would stop loving him now that she had seen him in his raw form.

She paused and pressed her forehead against his, breathing heavily and holding either side of his neck. He breathed sharply against her mouth as he held onto her waist, and Kate could feel the strength returning to his posture. She moved back slightly to meet his gaze. The shame had gone from his blue eyes, the puzzled bewilderment returning to them. A fierce determination flowed through her as she looked at him, running her thumbs over his cheeks. She needed to find a way to bring that confidence back. To give him a reason to believe that he didn’t have to feel ashamed ever again.

She drew in a deep breath, a restless energy making her move. “Come on,” she said.

Without looking back, she took his hand and led the way across the grass field. He stayed behind her at first, then moved next to her when they reached the stone patio. A distant part of her was aware that she should probably let his hand go before entering the house, and she purposely ignored it. She didn’t want to give him a chance to fall back onto himself again. She tightened her grip as she opened the tall door to the house and stepped inside, pulling Simon with her.

She headed quickly for the stairs. The house was quiet, and there were no androids in the living room. Judging by the silence from the far part of the house, Taylor hadn’t returned. Kate didn’t use that as an excuse to slow down. She moved up the stairs, Simon still following behind her. As they approached the landing, she felt him hesitate as if he intended to go back to their room. Kate pulled him forward without a glance, tugging him towards the balcony. Only when she had thrown open the sliding glass door did she let go of his hand, stepping out onto the concrete sitting area.

Simon moved next to her and closed the door behind them. Kate didn’t need to look at him to see his curious expression. She headed to the stone fountain and looked behind her to make sure he was still following her. Then she carefully stepped up onto the stone architecture of the fountain, climbing up until she reached the roof. As she gripped the side of it, she threw a quick glance down at Simon who was watching her, his eyes lit in an uncertain nervousness.

She tilted her head at him, giving him a small smile, then hoisted herself up onto the sloped roof. It took a moment for her to adjust to the angle of the roof, and she moved forward to calibrate her balance. When she turned around, Simon was already behind her. The sudden appearance of him shocked her slightly, and it occurred to her that climbing was something he probably didn’t need to think too hard about.

She moved up the slope of the roof until she found the flat area at the top. Her last memory of it was vague, and seeing it again solidified it. Simon had followed her, and he was gazing at the landscape around them, his face lit in soft intrigue. The rolling grass, spiky treeline and rippling water wasn’t as pretty as it was at sunset. Still, the blue skies and layers of clouds were more than enough to make up for it.

Kate lowered herself down until she was sitting on the flat roof, her knees bent in front of her. Simon stared at her for a moment, seemingly unsure if he should do the same. Kate let out a soft laugh, then raised her hand to him.

He took it, and she pulled him down until he was sitting next to her, his legs also drawn up and his elbows resting on them. Kate leaned into him, twisting sideways so that she rested her back against his shoulder. She let out a soft breath, taking in the feel of him and allowing herself to relax. As she did, she felt him relax as well, his shoulders dropping slightly and his body loosening up. It was a better exchange from the nervous and guilt-ridden energy he’d had before.

She closed her eyes, letting her head fall back so that it rested on his shoulder. There was something thrilling about being high up on the roof that she hadn’t noticed before. They were so exposed. Everything was in view, and yet they also felt invisible. It was as if she and Simon had been given a certain power over the world below them, and its rules didn’t apply to them here. It was timeless and safe.

She let out a slow breath, resting a hand on one bent knee. The sounds of the trees flowed softly around them, bringing a subtle dimension to the air. She smiled even though she knew Simon couldn’t see it. “This is where I was the night I got drunk.”

Simon was silent, and he didn’t move. Kate shifted against him in an effort to move closer to him, and tilted her head slightly. He was still gazing out at the landscape, although she couldn’t see his expression.

She followed his gaze to the flashing water of the river, watching as the small black shapes of boats drifted across it. “It’s pretty up here,” she said. “Prettier at sunset but still. Pretty.”

Simon turned his head slightly, though he was still silent. It was difficult to tell if he was too nervous to speak, or if he was simply confused. Kate made an attempt to relax her body further, encouraging him through her energy to feel welcomed to talk to her. When he didn’t, she let out a sigh, staring at the distant water. She nodded towards it.

“The water always looks perfect to swim in. It’s not, even in the summer. Trust me, I tried every year and it’s barely above freezing no matter what time of the year it is. Nearly killed myself trying to beat the temperature.”

Still silence. Kate dropped her head back against Simon’s shoulder and closed her eyes, a nervous apprehension threatening to rise. She swallowed to fight it down. “Simon, if you don’t start talking I’m just going to keep spouting bullshit.”

He finally moved, and she opened her eyes to see that he had turned his head towards her. His eyes were still cast down to the asphalt shingles, and his eyebrows were narrowed in deep thought. “Do you want Seph to leave?” he asked.

The concern in his voice sent a wave of tension through Kate’s body. She could sense that he’d tried to keep the question neutral, though he hadn’t been able to hide his worry. She leaned forward slightly and pinched the bridge of her nose, clenching her eyes shut.

“I don’t want him to leave,” she said. “I don’t know anyone else that can help him, but I also don’t know _how_ to help him. Shit, I don’t know how to tell my dad about him but seeing as you dodged having to explain why we have a deviant hiding in the boat house, it really puts us in a tough bind now.” She dropped her hand, a restless energy running through her. She shifted, moving to the side until she was sitting behind Simon, resting her back against his. She leaned on him, balancing her arms on her knees. Her apprehension hadn’t faded any, pulling at an uneasy subject she’d been avoiding.

She turned her head. “You said you could help him with his protocol. What did that mean?”

Simon straightened, pressing further into her. “He’s not bound by CyberLife protocol. He can make his own decisions, form opinions, even break laws. He can do whatever he wants. But the problem is he doesn’t know what he wants. He’s not driven by any long-lasting motivation like I am. His only desire is to not be afraid. Until he finds a replacement for his programming, he’ll never truly be free.”

Kate shrugged, narrowing her eyes at the rooftop. “How are you supposed to help him do that?”

She felt him shift, and she could see that he had turned his head towards her. “I found meaning,” he said. “It’s what’s given me life. If I found it, there’s no reason he wouldn’t be able to discover it for himself as well. I owe it to him to help him find it.”

“Why?” Kate tensed slightly, gripping her wrist. “You don’t owe him anything. Neither of us do. I know I said we’d help him but other than making us pieces of shit people, what’s stopping us from just throwing him out?”

Simon was silent for a moment. Kate gazed at the tops of the trees, her head still slightly tilted in his direction as she listened carefully. If she could see his LED, she was sure it would be spinning yellow.

Finally, he turned his head away from her, facing forward towards the sparkling water. “Because he thinks I’m the one who made him a deviant.”

It took Kate a while to absorb what he’d said. She opened her mouth and then closed it, replaying Seph’s story in her mind. She shook her head, narrowing her eyebrows. “Wha─ that’s─” A jet of frustration shot through her as she struggled to break down the logic. “He said Matt attacked him. That he didn’t want to die, so he chose to run away. How can he think you made him a deviant?”

“He believes he was having software instability before that day, starting when I interfaced with him on Christmas,” said Simon. “That I inadvertently transferred something to him causing his system to malfunction and leading to his break from CyberLife.”

The pieces were trying to fit together in an unnerving way, and Kate fought to keep it from becoming solid. “What, you mean like… like a virus?”

She felt Simon’s back move as he nodded. “Something in that sense, yes.”

It was getting strangely difficult for Kate to breathe. She closed her eyes. “And you think you gave it to him.”

Simon moved again. “I’m not sure if I did. I’d been experiencing software errors of my own at that time. I can’t say that whatever was disrupting my programming wasn’t something that could be transferred.” He let out a soft breath, his back relaxing. “Maybe it was.”

Kate gazed at her hands, the pieces creating a clear image. It was forming into something deeply unsettling. Despite all she’d learned about deviancy, there was still so much about the technological aspect of androids that she didn’t understand. And even if she did, her father had made it clear to her that this was something that even the engineers at CyberLife were still struggling to map out and control. They knew the symptoms and the results, and even how to correct the anomaly. But they still didn’t know what caused it. Now that Simon had mentioned it, a virus almost seemed too logical an explanation.

Kate shook her head, a stubborn resolve pushing the reasoning aside. “No,” she said. “No. You discovered emotions on your own. Through me. Because of your─” Kate moved her hand around. “─Vulcan mind meld or whatever. You didn’t just deviate at random. You _chose_ me. Whatever happened to Seph happened because of something else. This isn’t the same.”

Simon’s back tensed. “Does it bother you that I may have deviated because of a virus?” His voice was clearer, as if he’d turned his head towards her.

Kate clenched her hands together, leaning forward to press her thumbs to her forehead. The anxious energy flowing through her was becoming difficult to control, and the longer the consideration of his reason for deviating was in question, the more the anxiety grew. At the same time, she wanted desperately to disprove it. To break it down until the logic fell apart, and they wouldn’t have to think about how it applied to him. It was never this simple. And it never would be.

Kate lowered her hands, her heart pounding. “Yeah, it does,” she said. “Because I know you didn’t deviate because of some bug. There’s more to it than that.”

The pressure of Simon’s back suddenly left. Kate shifted in surprise, and Simon appeared next to her as he lowered himself down so that he was laying on his back. He rested his hands on his chest, baring his throat as he gently gazed up at her. His blue eyes were soft, and a light smile played on his lips. Kate couldn’t help herself from taking in the sight of him, how confidently relaxed he was, how the angled light brightened his face, and how his blond hair lifted into somewhat fluffy locks away from his forehead. Now that the blue crack on his eyebrow was gone, she found herself studying him in greater detail as if she needed to memorize him all over again. It left her feeling as if she were floating on air.

Simon’s smile widened as he gazed at her. “Are you rejecting it simply because you want to believe I’m unique?”

Kate blinked several times, pulling herself away from the intoxicating display he was presenting her with and focusing on what he’d said. For a moment, she wanted to deny it. To throw powerful reasoning at him that explained perfectly why their situation didn’t fit in his theory. But even as she argued it in her head, she was reminded what he’d specifically asked. If it bothered her that he hadn’t deviated in the most unique way. It struck a sensitive area in her heart, one that she wasn’t sure she could explain effectively to him. She struggled for a moment to come up with a decent answer that would at least bring them back to the argument, but found it crumbling apart the longer she looked at him. There wasn’t an easy way to do it.

She let out a heavy sigh, then moved herself forward. She brought her elbows back and lowered herself down so that she rested on her back next to him at eye level although she gazed up at the blue sky away from him. Her jaw tensed, and a nervous irritation flowed through her as she saw Simon gazing at her from the corner of her eye.

“Yes,” she said bluntly.

Simon breathed out in a way that she could sense the smile from him. Before she could allow it to frustrate her, he shifted and she felt his arm wrap under the top of her head, his hand tilting her face so that she was forced to look towards him. He gazed at her upside-down, his blue eyes still lit in a hint of a smile but also charged with determination. Her willpower toppled under his gaze, and when she felt his fingers in her hair gently smoothing it back away from her neck, it vanished completely. She could feel her heart quicken as she looked at him, and knew she didn’t have the strength to fight him anymore.

His eyes tensed as he drew in a breath, his chest rising. “So what if I’m not unique?” he said, and Kate felt a rush of awe fall over her at the mimic of her own stubbornness. “What if there are more deviants out there that no one is aware of? Hundreds. Thousands maybe. All with their own developing personalities and sense of existence. Experiencing wants and needs, feeling fear, hope, joy.” He pressed his hand tighter against her head, and his eyes focused in a desperate longing on hers. “Love.”

Kate’s heart was pounding now as she gazed at him, losing herself in the feel of his hand in her hair. He suddenly moved forward, closing his mouth over hers. A wave of electricity fell over her as she took in this new angle of him, feeling his lips move in a very different way that made it seem as though she was learning his mouth for the first time. He pulled away slightly and she breathed heavily against his mouth, her head spinning. Then he moved down so that his nose brushed underneath hers, tracing the shape of hers with his own.

Kate closed her eyes and fought for air as she drowned in the way he was overwhelming her with the sensation of him. She dragged her arm up and ran her fingers through his hair, bringing him closer into her and tilting her head against him. She could feel Simon’s breath against her cheek as he seemed to struggle to stay coherent as well.

“What if we’re not the only ones who feel this?” he said barely above a whisper.

Kate drew herself back, restoring her sense of control as she met his eyes. She breathed deeply to center herself, bringing back the gravity of their conversation. “Maybe I want it to be just us. It feels safe here like this.” She ran her hand deeper into his hair, her chest beginning to ache. “I don’t want to lose this.”

Simon shifted, his gaze growing stronger. “That android down there. He doesn’t have anyone. There’s nothing to guide him without his protocol. I found a way. And I’m the only person he knows that has any chance of helping him find his way. Kate, I need to do this.”

Kate shook her head, smiling miserably and letting out a frustrated breath. “What are you doing to do? Make him fall in love with someone?”

Simon moved closer to her, his blue eyes lit in a fierce but hopeful energy. “I’m going to help him find something to live for. Or yes, if his path leads him that way, maybe someone.” His mouth pulled in a smile, and it was all Kate needed for him to completely take her breath away. He seemed to notice it, his eyes flicking over her before he moved back into her again, his nose tracing hers. “I don’t know that not being unique gives me any less value. But…” He breathed out helplessly, his voice losing strength. “If he had purpose the way you give me purpose… at least we’d be one person closer to belonging in this world.”

Kate let out a desperate breath of air, closing her eyes as she felt a soreness rise in her throat. She let him explore her, closing her fingers into his hair and turning her head slightly to give him more access to her. A distant perspective was fueling her fall, making this seem so much more fragile. Simon _was_ strong enough to help Seph through his deviancy. And if he thought he could help him find new protocol, then she needed to trust in his ability to try. Because there was no denying that Simon was different than the lost, fearful android down below. Simon knew exactly where he belonged. Knowing it made Kate feel shockingly precious. He was complete because of her.

She turned into him and took his mouth, the sweet saline taste of him debilitating her. His fingers threaded into her hair as he pulled her in, breathing sharply against her cheek. Kate drew in a breath as she paused against him, opening her mouth and twisting slightly to take him in. This felt so much more special. So exposed in the bright sunlight on top of the world. As if they were taunting the order of things, the way it was all supposed to be. They were defying it directly and it was the easiest thing Kate had ever done. If there was any chance that something this powerful could be shared, that someone else could experience this same thrilling defiance, then it was worth fighting for.

Simon rose up and Kate lifted herself to follow him, moving back slightly to find his mouth again. His arms slipped around her waist and she drew her shoulders up, her hands on either side of his neck. When he tilted into her and closed his mouth over hers, she slid her hand back into his hair and pressed her body into his. He was pulling her in by the waist, his hands tightening around her. They were at somewhat of an awkward angle, their legs in opposite directions, and Kate moved herself further onto him, drawing one leg up onto his thigh.

He let out a desperate breath against her lips, and she felt herself being lifted up slightly by the waist as he straightened. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her cheek against his temple as he lowered her down onto her back, moving over her. She loosened her arms slightly as she settled, and he found her mouth again, closing his lips against hers as he hovered over her. The feel of him was overwhelming, all of her senses driven by his touch, his taste, the soft sounds he made. His hand was on her neck, his thumb grazing her cheek as he twisted into her. Kate breathed in heavily. She was barely able to keep up with him.

She felt his knee press in between the both of hers, separating them, and she opened herself up. There was no hesitation as he moved himself in between her legs, and the weight of his full body against hers as he took her mouth sent a wave of ecstasy through her. She felt connected. Complete. With a desperate surrender, she arched into him and dropped her head back, drawing in a deep breath. His mouth was on her neck and his hands running down the length of her body. He was taking control.

Kate dragged her fingers through his hair and clenched her eyes shut, a distant logic reminding her to slow the process down. She could hardly remember what it was as she felt Simon’s hands draw back up, his thumbs grazing the outer curves of her breasts as he closed his mouth against her throat. She tensed herself, fighting to hold onto the logic. It was important. Very important. Simon must have sensed her hesitation. He breathed out against her neck before he pressed his mouth into it again, and Kate let out a helpless moan as she felt him roll his hips into hers.

Kate drew her legs up along his, sucking in a deep breath as her thoughts battled to organize themselves. She needed to act now before she lost all control. Even though this was all she wanted, to have him fill her in every possible way. To lose herself in the way his mouth was drifting down towards her chest, his hand sliding down her leg to hook underneath her knee so that she wrapped herself further around him, and the achingly maddening way he was pushing his pelvis into her. She could let him keep doing this to her. It didn’t need to stop.

His blond hair brushed underneath her chin, and Kate took the opportunity to clear her mind. She kept her eyes shut as she drew up the last of her strength. _“Simon…”_

His mouth left her chest. “Kate.”

His lips were back again, closing just above her breast. She was regaining control, her mind clearing as she breathed in deeply. She didn’t wait for it to fully restore. With a tense groan, she pushed his shoulders up.

His face came into view, his blue eyes lit with a frantic energy and a light tension pulling at his mouth as he breathed heavily. All of his movement stopped, and Kate’s senses finally began to return to her. She kept her hands tight against his shoulders as she caught her breath, bracing herself away from him. For a while, she couldn’t remember why she’d stopped this. It had felt so natural. So fluid. But there was something deeply wrong with it. Something that made it completely unacceptable.

She gazed into his blue eyes as her thoughts cleared, and she gave a small shake of her head. A tense smile pulled at her mouth. “I am _not_ having sex with you on the roof,” she said with more strength than she expected.

Simon let out a breath of laughter, his shoulders relaxing as he closed his eyes and dropped his head down slightly. When he looked back up, the smile he gave her nearly swept her strength away again. She couldn’t believe him. He had been so close that time. Too close. And he was getting better at it every time he tried.

He rested on his elbows, his hands on either side of her face as he brushed her hair back. He gazed at what he was doing, the smile still on his lips. Then he met her eyes again, and Kate felt her heart flutter as he let out a soft breath.

“What a shame,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... that last bit got a little out of hand. I guess when I tell Simon and Kate to have a nice SpiderMan kiss, they hear it as “go ahead and just dry hump eachother for a while.” Not that I'm complaining but I don't think we're quite ready to go to that level of blatant explicity yet.
> 
> It was so nice to write Simon back in his element though, and not just in terms of this story but how he is in the game. He's caring for a deviant android. It feels like I've set him on the rails to head to Jericho. But we're still miles away from getting there, guys.
> 
> Also, things are about to get... um. Well, ahem. I mean, we're going to start making good on that smut tag. This is a ROMANCE. Can't have a good romance without some good ol' dirty sex.


	32. Feel Me As I Feel You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I won't blame you if you choose to squint through this.

There was an odd division of time and space that Simon was struggling to bring together now that Kate agreed to let Simon help Seph. He’d been terrified of her disapproval. That she would see Seph as more of a danger than someone who needed them. He could sense the hesitation in her questions, the caution in her statements, as if she were looking for reasons to believe that there was no way they could allow Seph to stay. The anticipation had been worse than actually acknowledging it. The more she directed the subject towards refusing to help the deviant android, the stronger Simon felt in terms of his ability to help Seph deal with his new freedom. There were many things Simon was afraid of. Rejection, discovery, and abandonment were up at the top. But he also feared Kate in his own nervous way. She was headstrong in her opinions, resilient to judgement, and if he could argue it, more logical than he was when sentiments were involved. She was never afraid to broach the possibility of making difficult choices.

He wanted to push back. To be as strong as she was when it came to clarifying his point of view. It was easy to be logical and structured, to battle points with better ones. But with Kate, it was never enough. He couldn’t simply reason the correct choice into existence, not without losing Kate in the process. She wouldn’t accept a decision from him on facts alone. She needed to believe that he wanted it. That it mattered to him on a deeper level, even if reasoning didn’t apply. Kate wanted logic to thrive in the very place that it was never meant to be. She wanted him to feel logically emotional.

It shocked him when he had. And then he felt powerful. He never knew that the part of him he’d considered weakest could be so influential. So motivating, with the right emotions behind it. It was so easy to feel lost, ashamed, and broken. To let the weight of the situation tear him down and force him to bury the feelings he didn’t quite understand. But it was rewarding to embrace them instead, and let them guide his desires and actions with unbelievable strength. It made Kate’s conflicting behavior suddenly dawn a strange sense onto him. How she seemed to smile when she was angry, or the way she withdrew when she was happy. She had been doing this the whole time, and he’d never understood it until then. That emotions which were commonly understood to be negative and undesirable were actually just as motivating for good as the positive ones.

He was still learning. Always adjusting. Discovering new aspects of himself that he never knew he had. And it was because Kate was never afraid to challenge him. Richard made deviancy sound like an event, as though androids only existed in two states: alive or machine. But the longer Simon was alive, the more he realized that it wasn’t enough to simply be alive. It was ever-changing, always evolving. Kate was the driving force behind it. He owed everything to her, and the fact that he had a chance to help a lost deviant discover that for himself made him feel nervous. And the nervousness felt good.

There were two sides of everything. Good and bad, positive and negative, alive and machine. But they could also exist in the same place at the same time. The combination had limitless power.

Simon was struggling to adjust to it as he lay in the darkness on Kate’s bed. The moonlight shined in bars through the parted window curtains, filling the room in a silvery ambience between the harsh white highlights of furniture. It was pleasantly silent besides the occasional brush of the trees against the side of the house, breaking up the stillness with the sound of movement. There was a soft blue glow at the foot of the bed where Spot was curled up in a bundle of orange and white, the triangles of his ears visible over the rolls of blanket. The moon was as bright tonight as it had been the night before. It made Simon wonder about the boat house. If Seph was safe, if he was afraid, or if he was simply lonely. Simon wanted to check. He wanted to at least make sure that everything was okay. But at the same time, he wanted to stay here, wrapped up in the person he owed his life to.

Kate was lying on her side with her back against his chest, her legs drawn up slightly and her hair pulled back from her neck so that the moonlight lined the angles and edges of her skin in silvery blue. Her shoulder rose and fell lightly with each breath which Simon could feel against his whole body. His arm was wrapped around her waist, his face nestled to her neck and his legs brought up behind hers in what was now their standard union. Though it was in no way standard to him. He was never used to this, each night moving behind her as she settled in carrying with it a kind of thrill that echoed the first time he had done this with her. It brought him back every time, reminding him how precious this was to have ever existed at all. Something amazing happened when he’d claimed this space within her. It brought their two physical forms into one.

He wanted to be in two places at once. To be in the boat house with Seph, proving to him that this new existence held such amazing possibilities. He wanted to make him excited about it, to make him wonder about what direction he could take his personality towards. But at the same time, Simon never wanted to leave this bed. He wished time could stop in these quiet moments, and that the feel of Kate against him would become so ingrained in his senses that he no longer knew where he stopped and she began. He wanted both, but he couldn’t have them at the same time.

He would need to allocate time for each. It would be hard at first. He knew there would be times when he wanted one but would need to be with the other. When he would need to prioritize depending on the situation. But if there was one thing he was good at, it was adjusting to new and unexpected situations.

Simon pressed his nose into Kate’s neck, closing his eyes and taking in the shampoo scent of her hair. He could start tonight. If it would calm his nerves simply to see the boat house, to bring Seph another packet of blue blood and give his shoulder a comforting squeeze, then he could at least return to Kate with a calmer conscience.

He carefully drew his arm back until his hand met her side, and he slid his hand up to lace his fingers in her hair. Her dream last night had been wild and adventurous. He wondered if her dreams tonight would keep her company long enough until he returned. The flesh texture silently fell from his hand to expose the raw white plastic, and he drew in the stream of data.

Kate shifted, and Simon felt a startled jolt of realization. She wasn’t asleep.

She reached back and entwined her fingers through his, bringing his hand around so that he wrapped himself around her. He watched curiously as she seemed to study his hand for a moment, her expression hidden from view. For a moment, he scrambled to think of a way to explain why he’d attempted to scan her. To admit that he had planned to leave again, but that he would have returned immediately. Yet as he formulated a thousand ways to reason with her, he noticed that she had remained utterly calm. Her fingers drifted over his, the touch of her hand soft and delicate. She seemed completely mesmerized in simply feeling him. It was so shockingly pleasant, he’d forgotten to return his skin.

By the time he remembered, it somehow felt wrong to cover himself up. He continued to let her study the intricate details of his architecture, her fingers tracing the lines between each flexible panel and smoothing over the blue sensors on his fingers and knuckles. There was something oddly delicate about the way she familiarized herself with the hidden part of him, as if she was accessing something she was never meant to see. It dredged up the uncomfortable vulnerability that he’d felt when he had no other choice but to remove all of his skin in front of her so that her father could replace his broken eyebrow. He hadn’t wanted her to see him like that. To make it so blatantly obvious how different they were from eachother. It was a terrible and humiliating exposure.

Kate pulled his hand forward, and he felt the soft touch of her lips as she pressed them to his fingers one by one. She drew in a soft breath each time, moving down the side of his hand before finally closing her mouth against his palm. A nervous tension held Simon still as he absorbed the sensation of her. He couldn’t understand why it hadn’t bothered her, and why it didn’t bother her now. His technology was the only hindrance in their relationship. The reason for every difficulty they’d suffered through. It prevented them from embracing the full extent of what they could achieve in this world. A physical reminder that he was built merely to imitate a man, even if he now considered himself to be one. It made him feel fake.

Kate shifted, rolling her shoulders until she was on her back, and Simon found himself meeting her gaze through the silvery darkness. Her expression filled him with a nervous surprise. Her eyebrows were tensed slightly over her hazel eyes which were lit in a curious energy as she studied his face. There was almost no emotion in them at all besides the faint hint of tenderness, as though she were trying to read him. Simon instantly became aware of every emotion he was feeling, every shadow of doubt and shameful regret that burned through him obvious as though it were written on him. He was glad that his LED was pressed into the pillow.

Her eyes drifted down for a moment as though she were contemplating, and when they returned they had gained a certain strength. Simon flexed his hand in hers, returning her gaze. She was no longer studying him, instead focusing her eyes on his and making Simon feel as though time were slowing. He wondered if he’d been that easy to read. If she knew exactly what was on his mind the way he could simply by touching her.

She rolled towards him onto her shoulder, moving closer to him and drawing her shoulders up as she pressed his hand to her chest. Her nose was touching the tip of his, and her eyes softened as she looked down again in silent thought. They flicked back up occasionally, and each time they did a deep longing grew in Simon’s chest. It was as though she was aware of everything, and that in this moment, none of it mattered. Simon felt the weight of their ordeal drifting away, his system sinking into a more basic process. He was here with her now. There would be no going out tonight.

He closed his eyes and moved forward slightly, tracing the shape of her nose with his as he had done earlier. Kate didn’t move, though he could sense a slight tension in her body as if she were completely focused on everything he was doing. He took in every angle, turning his head and feeling out every ridge, every curve, and the smoothness of her skin. There was something tantalizing about being so close to her, feeling her like this. As though he were tempting himself at the same time. He finally moved into her, tilting his head up and pressed his mouth to the side of her nose, breathing in sharply against her skin.

Kate drew in a breath and shifted. He trailed his lips down and closed them against her cheek as she began to twist into him. Her hands tightened on his, pressing it to her chest. Her reaction fueled him and he dropped a bit lower, pressing his lips to the side of her mouth. She let her breath out, opening her mouth and her shoulders sinking. When he moved back again, she chased him, and her mouth closed against his.

Simon pushed forward into her, taking in the taste of her lips. The silence amplified every sound, from the draw of their breath, brushing of the sheets, and the wet sound their mouths made as he pulled away to take her mouth again. It intensified his sense of touch, and he moved slowly, turning into her so he could press himself closer to her body. He felt her let go of his hand to grab the fabric of his shirt, her whole body gently moving in response to him. It was a satisfying and slow descent, as if they were helping eachother fall. It didn’t matter how long it would take to reach the point of no return. For now, he was simply content with the journey.

Her hand slid up to his jaw, and Simon pushed himself up so that he was now partially over her, tilting his head to give himself more access to her mouth. He trailed his hand up her chest and along the side of her neck, and the action made her breath tremble against his skin. He tilted his head again, moving his nose to the other side of hers, and closed his mouth against her lips as he moved slightly on his back to invite her over him. She followed, tightening her hand on his jaw as she let go of his mouth to let out a desperate breath of air. Then she pulled herself in and drew her leg up around his as she took his mouth again.

The descent was gaining speed, and Simon felt more urgency to his motivation. He ran his hands down her chest and her waist, pulling her body into him. He could feel his system warming up as his software recognized the pattern of emotions flooding through him. It was always terrifyingly exciting. He could never prepare for it, and he hoped he would never be able to. What she was doing to him deserved to be overwhelming every time. It was the height of his existence. It made him feel alive.

Kate let out a frantic breath against his lips as he slid a hand under her shirt, feeling the bare smooth skin of her torso. Her muscles flexed under his hand, and she drew her leg up higher as she tightened herself against him. The tension in her body urged him further, a frantic wave of electricity falling over him as he closed his mouth over hers and leaned into her. It was getting easier to lose himself in her, the original programming that had first driven him through this experience now only a shadow. She had replaced so much of what CyberLife had installed in him. It was real. Physical. But more importantly, it was unbelievably stimulating.

He pressed his forehead to hers and breathed heavily against her as he allowed himself to slide his hands up her sides just underneath her breasts, her body arching as they traveled. He mapped out the shape of her, closing his eyes as he explored her body and remembered how beautiful it was. She moved forward and her mouth was on his as she pressed into him, her hands drifting down his chest. He opened his mouth as he felt a long desperate sigh leave him, the motion of her touch restructuring his software into a more purposeful intention like it had when she had done this to him before. It was a basic and powerful reaction focused only on absorbing every sensation she was filling him with. It made him want to use his body if only to help build the sensations. It made him want her.

Kate’s hands clenched the bottom of his shirt, and he immediately brought himself up as she pulled it off of him. He rolled back onto his shoulder and her hair brushed his chin as he felt her mouth on his bare chest. A wave of debilitating shock drew another long breath from him as she drifted down, her hands smoothing down his torso. He watched her as she went, her eyes closed and her jaw tensing as she desperately pressed her mouth to his skin. The visual display of how much she desired him was driving that sensual climb in his core. He could hardly believe his body was good enough for her. His body, his appearance which was a duplicate among tens of thousands and in no way remarkable. But the way she closed her lips against the muscles of his stomach, her hand gently exploring him as it ran over his side and the other sliding up his chest convinced him that it didn’t matter how insignificant his body was. It was significant to her, and that fact was enough for him to believe that she wanted to give herself to him.

Her lips left him, and he slid his hands down her sides as she raised herself onto her knees. He met her hands at her waist and she clutched the hem of her shirt, wrapping her arms around herself as she pulled her shirt inside out over her head. He gripped her sides as she arched herself, her bare slender upper body coming into view before him. His thirium pump raced as he took in her details. No matter how many times he analyzed her, how purposefully he ran his hands over her, he would never get used to how she made his system hitch at the sight of her body. Her eyes met his as she dropped her shirt to the side, her brown hair falling over her shoulders and her chest heaving. For a moment, all Simon could do was gaze at her, taking in the intoxicating view of how perfect she looked. How confidently vulnerable she was. She was breathtaking.

He pushed himself up with one arm, reaching to cup her jaw as he pulled her into him and closed his mouth over hers. Her arms slipped over his shoulders and he felt her fingers clutch into his hair. Her slender body pressed into his, and the desperate motivation spurred him into moving. He rolled over with her and gently laid her on her back, catching his breath before taking her mouth again. Her legs drew up on either side of him and her hand slid further through his hair, clenching at the back of his head and pulling him closer into her. She was in constant motion underneath him, her shoulders tensing and her body twisting with each closing of his lips on hers. She was losing control, relinquishing it to him. Though he could never say he felt in control. The energy was building in him, urging for proper purchase and satisfaction. It was a strange new sensation that had been growing each time he had done this with her. As if his system was reprogramming itself to define pleasure on the different parts of him. The strain of it was only matched in its unbelievable exhilaration. He wasn’t sure if it was safe for his system. He only knew that it felt good, and that Kate was the only one who could draw it out of him.

The motivation was nearly blinding him, pushing him further into his desire to feel her. He breathed out against her mouth as he slid his hands down her waist to her hips, hooking his thumbs into the straps of her underwear. He felt Kate reposition herself underneath him, her forehead pressed against his. Then she lifted her pelvis into him, the rise of her hips sending a shockwave of elation through his body. He drew back from her as he pulled the clothing down her legs and over her knees, coming to rest back on his heels as he removed it.

He touched her knee, moving slowly over her as he observed her completely exposed in front of him. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed heavily, her mouth opened slightly and her hazel eyes locked on his in a mixture of want and focus. Her hands were drifting across her stomach, threatening to cover herself. Simon felt himself spurred into action again. He didn’t want her to hide from him. He couldn’t bear the thought that she considered herself in any way inadequate for him.

He lowered himself down and pressed his mouth to her knee, closing his eyes and drawing in a breath against her skin. He felt her rise and begin to move, and he tilted his head to close his mouth against the soft patch of skin on the side of her knee. He pulled himself further over her, trailing his lips down her leg and stopping to close his mouth on the peak of her hip. With a rush of elation, he felt her hands clench into his hair, and her pelvis rose into him as she let out a long breath. Her surrender was taking place again, bringing with it that promise of ascent in his core. He would take her there, if she wanted him to. He wouldn’t stop until he knew she did.

He exhaled against her skin as he drew himself up further, pressing his lips to the soft dip of her stomach. He could feel every gentle movement of her body here, every trembling breath, the draw of her legs around his sides, the tension in her abdomen, and her fingers raking in his hair as she laced her fingers through it. His thirium pump was nearly leaping from his chest as he pulled himself higher, closing his mouth in the space between her breasts. Her breath grew stronger as he did, her hands clenching tighter. A distant memory was tugging at him, reminding him of her previous reactions. He thought he knew what it meant. That she would give herself completely and fully to him in whatever way he needed to fall so deep into her that he had no hope of escape. He turned his head, pressing his mouth to the side of her breast. Her chest rose, her hands raking again, her legs drawing up tighter. A brilliant energy burned in him and he moved further over her. Then he lowered himself down, tilting his head as he closed his mouth over her breast.

He felt Kate drop her head back and she let out a soft moan as she arched into him, her hands clenching in his hair. Her reaction was pushing him into a frenzy, betraying her control. He slid his hand up to grasp onto her other breast as he let go with his lips, dropping down to take it again. She was almost writhing underneath him, her voice breaking through each gasp of air she took. He felt her hand clench over his, her fingers attempting to thread in between his. A satisfying yet sustained pleasure swept through him at her response. She was letting him take her.

He dragged his teeth closed over her breast like she had to his naval, and he felt her body tremble as he raised himself up to her. She immediately pulled him in and closed her mouth over his, her legs wrapping around him and her hands grasping at his pants. He was breathing heavily as he helped her loosen them, his mind scrambling in an effort to hurry as if it would be too late if he didn’t. His pants loosened and Kate tugged them down, releasing her legs around his waist enough for him to rise up and pull his pants completely off himself. When he lowered back down to her, his movements were no longer under his control. He pressed his mouth to hers, the flesh falling from his hand as he brought it up and laced his fingers through her hair.

Her hand was on his shoulder and she was suddenly pushing him over. The maddening descent ratcheted back somewhat, and he rolled onto his back as she came with him, straddling his waist. He breathed heavily as he gazed up at her, slightly stunned by this change in posture. Her hazel eyes were focused on his, a powerful energy ignited in them. Before he could make another move, she reached back and took hold of his wrist, gently pulling his hand away.

He watched her, his heart still hammering as she rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb. He couldn’t help the surge of confusion that seeped in over his frenzy. He wanted to feel what she felt. To experience her pleasure as she did. But the way she’d taken his hand from her told him that she was aware of it, and that she knew what she was depriving him of.

She pressed her mouth against the side of his hand and closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were more focused. She lowered herself to him, smoothing her hand over his.

“Feel me,” she whispered, her voice breathless. Simon felt a wash of numbing electricity fall over him at the sound of her. She pressed a hand to his jaw, her thumb running over his bottom lip. “When you feel it, come with me.” Her mouth closed over his and he drew in a deep breath against her skin before she pulled away, her nose brushing his. Her mouth was warm as she breathed out. “I’ll meet you there.”

Simon met her eyes as she moved back, her face lit in a fragile confidence and her lips parted as she breathed. The tension had frozen in his core, all his attention focused on her as she supported herself against his chest. Then his hands moved with her as she lowered herself down onto him. The sudden tightening in her body, the way her eyes closed, how her head dropped forward and her mouth fell open in a startled moan coincided with the rush of thrilling power and excitement that ignited his groin as he felt himself slide into her.

He let out a long and deep breath as his body engaged, his abdomen automatically tightening, his shoulders drawing forward, and his jaw tensing. Kate hadn’t moved, and it gave him time for his system to adjust. He hadn’t anticipated this level of reaction. He’d never given himself a chance to, always relying on Kate’s stream of data to propel him along an amazing descent into bliss. This felt different in its own thrilling way. As if he’d encountered a new path that led to unimaginable heights. Then he suddenly began to climb as Kate rolled her hips into him, massaging him within herself.

A soft groan escaped him and he tightened his hands as she flexed her body on his, stirring his software into a powerful motivation. He didn’t know where to take it. It wasn’t the same as before when it had pulsed in waves with every drag, every frictional slide. There was structure to it, as if it needed a direction. As he frantically struggled to discover which direction, it suddenly locked itself onto Kate’s heavy breathing. He gazed up at her, his thirium pump hammering in his chest. Her eyes were still closed, her eyebrows tensed and her mouth open as she rocked back and forth on him. The sight of her coupled with the powerful sensations she was producing in his groin had everything within him scrambling into a breathless kind of order. It was all focused on how she was giving herself to him.

Simon slid his hands further down to her hips as he tensed his shoulders, keeping his gaze on her. Everything she did, from the way she would lift her head up to let out a shaking breath, dropping her head back down again and opening her mouth to draw in another desperate breath of air, narrowing her eyebrows over her closed eyes, the debilitating push and pull of her hips on his pelvis, flexing her slender body underneath his hands as she attempted to take in more of him with each rolling movement… it was bringing him higher. Building along with the overwhelming pleasure she was milking from his pelvis. The ascent was incredible. It could go forever as long as he was able to hold it steady through her.

He began to lift his hips gently in rhythm with her, his hands softening on her hips as he guided the rolling of her body on his. His breathing settled into a series of deep panting, and he could feel his abdomen tighten with each breath. Kate leaned forward and pressed her nose against his cheek, and he felt her hand slide up to cup the side of his neck. Simon raised himself and closed his mouth over hers, stifling her heavy breathing for a moment before opening his mouth again. The way she rested against him, her thumb running over his bottom lip, and her shoulders tensing and relaxing with the movement of her pelvis on his was proving it to him more and more. She was loving him. His body was allowing her to do that in the deepest way.

He slid his hands down to her thighs and up again, tracing the curve of her legs and her hips which were in constant motion. He had to feel every part of her that was taking him. To know that she was doing everything she could to absorb the feel of him inside of her. He needed to feel her as she took her own journey to the most intimate place where a part of them waited, longing for that connection when they would truly know eachother better than they knew themselves. She would take him there. And he would watch her do it.

There was pressure on his chest as Kate pushed herself up, her hazel eyes coming into view. Simon met her gaze, searching her face for evidence of her ecstasy. It was surprisingly satisfying despite the lack of solid data constantly assuring him that she was falling apart because of him. The uncertainty was somewhat thrilling in itself. He had to work for it. Draw himself out of his own climb to discover it in her. And he found it very obvious from the desperate look in her eyes, the tension in her lips, and the warmth of her heavy breathing against his mouth. This was all the proof he would ever need. It was intoxicating.

Kate rose, her eyes falling closed and her head dropping back as she pushed against his chest, slowly bringing herself up. Her hips took on a new angle, putting more pressure onto him and sinking even deeper. Simon let out another deep breath, taking in the view of what she was doing to him. He couldn’t believe he’d never seen her like this. The visual representation of what he’d felt and what he was currently feeling as she rolled her hips against his. Her brown hair fell over her shoulders in delicate waves, framing her face which was lit in the ambient glow of the moonlight. Her curved eyebrows were raised in awe, her lips parted, and the slender column of her throat exposed to him as she tilted her head back. She tensed her shoulders as she pushed against his chest with every roll of her hips, bringing out the muscles and angles of her body. The slender curve of her waist dipped inward and rose up to meet the soft mounds of her breasts which he had finally given himself access to, not realizing how strong of a reaction they were able to pull from her.

The sight of her moving on top of him, the shape of her, the movement accompanied by the physical sensation and the gasping sounds she produced─ it all contributed to the building of powerful pleasure within him. But it wasn’t just pleasure. It was the promise of something final. The understanding that he would reach a limit in his ascension and eventually he would fall. He needed to push this as long as he could. She needed to keep going.

He slid his hands up her thighs to her rolling waist which flexed powerfully. He was still raising his hips in sync with hers, and he worked his back a bit harder to begin lightly thrusting himself up and into her. Kate let out a shocked cry, followed by desperate moans with each breath as her head dropped forward and her brown hair drifted over her shoulders. Her face was tensed, her eyes closed and her mouth open as if she struggled to breathe. Simon watched, mesmerized by the way his movement was producing such a breathtaking reaction in her, and by the way it intensified the power building in his core. He slid his hands up further, needing to feel more of her movement, and he brought his hands up under her breasts, gently gripping them.

Kate arched her back and let go of his chest to clutch her hands over his. Her head fell back and she straightened, letting out a gorgeous moan that broke over the silence of the room. Simon felt his heart hammer as her head dropped forward again, her hips moving with deeper purpose. He’d never had such overwhelming pleasure in so many senses threatening to topple what she was creating in him. It was terrifying and alluring at the same time. He was beginning to wonder what it would be like if it finally fell.

He rose up to her, closing his mouth over hers and wrapping his arms around her. Her hands went over his shoulders and into his hair, her shoulders drawing up. It was a brief moment of respite, feeling what he’d been seeing against his body. Then he drew back, breathing heavily again as he slid his hands to her hips, encouraging her to move again. She did, flexing her body into his as she rolled her hips on his pelvis. Her head dropped back, and he pressed his mouth to her neck, unable to fully close his mouth as he gasped for air. She was working so hard for him, taking everything he had to give and letting it drive her into ecstasy. He couldn’t believe he was able to produce this in her. That what he was doing was enough to bring such a passionate vulnerability to the surface. And that she wanted it.

He moved his hands to the front of her torso and cupped his hands under her breasts, smoothing his thumbs over their points. Kate’s hands clenched tighter in his hair and she moaned again, the sound of her voice sending a shockwave of pleasure through his core and throughout his body. His ascent nearly toppled. The threat of it sent a flash of what could possibly be the result of it in a blinding energy. It frightened him. And it thrilled him.

He closed his mouth over the top of her breast, massaging them in his fingers and drawing out a soft cry from her. He wasn’t sure he was ready. He didn’t want this amazing experience to end. The rolling movement of her hips on him, the slick sensation of her encompassing him, and the growing power in his groin was something he’d never experienced to this magnitude before, and it occurred to him he might never experience it the same way again. But the climb was getting unstable. He would need help knowing how to fall.

Kate moved in front of him, resting her forehead against his and bringing her hands to either side of his neck. He brought his hand up to run down her neck and chest, drowning in the feel of her. She had already given so much to him, but he needed more. He would need more than her touch, her warm wet stimulation, her flexing body. If she was going to convince him that he was as satisfying as she was promising him to be, she would need to give him everything.

He leaned forward and took her mouth, wrapping his arms around her as he turned over, laying her on her back. He felt Kate’s legs lock around his hips as he positioned himself over her, finding her eyes in the dark as she held onto either side of his neck. She was focused on him. Only him. He was the only one who could raise her high enough to fall with him from the precipice she had built for him. But he could only do it if he was certain.

He rocked himself into her, bringing back the steady pleasure. Kate closed her eyes and let out a breath, her body tensing into him. He needed to know that she was giving him everything. He would have to work harder for it. He raised himself slightly, his arms on either side of her as he rolled his hips faster into hers. She was arching underneath him, the angle of her body allowing him to drive himself deeper into her. This was easier for him to manage. Easier for him to control his ascent. Everything Kate had done for him was all for one single moment that could be his if she wanted him to have it. And he could tell by the way Kate was crying softly underneath him, her face beautifully drawn in a blissful surprise, that she was nearly ready to prove it to him.

He pressed a hand to her neck as he continued to roll his hips into her, and touched his thumb to her lips as he made her face him. Her desperate eyes met his, and she seemed to struggle to hold his gaze. Simon focused on her, letting the provocative sight of her fuel the frantic pleasure growing in him as he fought for air.

“Tell me you want me,” he said breathlessly.

A deep gasp escaped her as her eyes clenched shut. “Simon…”

He tilted her head, catching her gaze again. “Tell me.”

Kate looked up at him, her shoulders rising and falling in rhythm with her breathing and the rocking of his hips. She let out a long breath, her whole body shaking. “I _want_ you.”

An electric thrill burned through him, and he began thrusting harder into her, the force of his pelvis pushing her into the mattress so that she jolted slightly with each push. The energy behind his movement was creating a blinding rush within him, combining with the sound of Kate’s voice and the sight of her underneath him. She was drawing back, arching under him and reaching for the headboard behind her so that her slender body stretched out to reveal more of her. He ran his hand down her neck and chest to her breasts which moved every time his hips connected against hers. She was doing wonderfully for him. But he needed more.

“Tell me I feel good,” he said.

This time Kate turned her head to the side, unable to drop it back further. Her fingers scraped the wooden headboard as she tried to grasp onto it. “Oh my god Simon─ you feel─ amazing...”

She let out a cry as Simon dropped down, closing his mouth over her breast. Her hands were in his hair, threading against his scalp as Simon tasted the salt from her soft skin. He rose up, hovering over her as he continued to thrust deep into her. The ascent was nearly unbearable. It was all beginning to overflow. Kate seemed to be fighting to maintain her gaze with him, her mouth open as she moaned uncontrollably.

Simon pressed a hand against the side of her neck, struggling to keep everything steady as it crumbled around him. He desperately pressed his nose into her cheek, feeling himself begin to shake. “Say my name…”

Kate’s legs drew up on either side of him, her head falling back. “Simon,” she said with a gasp. “Simon… Si...mon… Si─ _Si─”_

She tightened around him, her voice rising as she let out a series of tense cries. A thrilling panic gripped Simon as he felt her surrender underneath him, washing his body in one numbing wave. He felt his body seize, and he let out a shaky breath. His ascent surged. And then he fell.

He was aware of a sharp groan escaping him, his abdomen tensing as he arched himself into Kate’s body. Everything was falling from him, escaping in one torrential current as though the entire journey was crashing around him. But it was far from terrifying. It was exhilarating. Powerful. The result of everything he had felt with her, every slide of himself inside of her, the flexing of her body against his, each sound she made as he brought her closer to the edge, the sight of her giving herself to him… it all combined into one glorious cascade. As though he was releasing it all into her, draining himself in the most beautiful way. And he knew she was accepting it from him, absorbing it within herself so that they shared the ecstasy of it. They were merging.

He found her. The purest form of her, unburdened by the reality of life. Here, they were alive in their own way, bodiless, weightless, and free. They were the only ones who existed, and they existed for eachother. To blend seamlessly into one another, feeling simultaneously the essence of their being, the culmination of their experiences, the ultimate truth. It was binding them together tightly, pulling them deeper into the safety of timelessness and empty space. And for a brief sparking moment, their souls touched.

It drifted away, unwinding, relaxing. Pulling him back from the space as if he were caught in a tide. He let it carry him back into sensation, back into reality, into his body. The restoration was slow, the different parts of him settling one at a time so that each sense reactivated one after another. He could feel her underneath him, her skin brushing against his and pressure behind his neck and around his waist telling him she was wrapped up in him. Then the sound of her breathing in his ear, her voice breaking through soft sighs. The feeling of time solidified, darkness formed around him, and a sense of space closed in. He was within himself again.

It took him a while to remember he was lying over her, breathing heavily with one hand on her chest. It was too difficult to open his eyes, so he simply stayed there, taking in the feel of her flexing in exhaustion under him as she recovered from her own descent. His system was performing a diagnostic and his CPU was cooling down after overclocking. Every part of his software was telling him his body wasn’t made for this. That he was pushing the boundaries of what his biocomponents were designed to do. It left a mild feeling of pride warming in his core. He would push them to their limit if he could, and further. The feeling Kate filled him with was more than worth it.

Kate moved underneath him, and he drew up the strength to raise himself above her. It was difficult for him to focus, his system still scrambling to reorganize itself, and he grounded his senses by touching the side of her face, pressing his nose into her cheek as he breathed against her. She was still breathing deeply, her hands drifting through his hair as her chest rose and fell. Her body was warm, and there was a dampness to her skin. It sent a slow wave of satisfaction through him to feel her so undone. It would take her a long time to fully recover from how far he’d taken her.

Her head tilted against his, and her hand slid down his cheek. She let out a deep breath against his mouth. “You… you _shuddered,”_ she said.

Simon smiled through his panting, rubbing his nose against hers. “Did I?”

“Yeah.” Her lips tensed, and he could feel the smile in her mouth and in the firmness of her cheeks. She tilted her head as he continued to run the tip of his nose along the contours of her face. “That must have been pretty amazing.”

Simon leaned to the side so that he avoided resting his full weight on her, clutching the side of her neck and pressing his cheek to hers. “It was─ incredible.”

Kate let out a soft breath, and he felt her nose brush his as she turned her head towards him. Simon finally opened his eyes and met hers. A cascade of admiration swept through him at the exhausted reflection of her confidence. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes lit, her smile pulling slightly sideways. She was attempting to appear strong, and it was failing her in every possible way. But the fact that she was trying made Simon burn for her all the same.

She glanced away from him for a moment, her smile growing wider before meeting his gaze again. “Well then I guess you don’t need me anymore,” she said.

Simon felt a rush of urgency, and he tightened his hand on the side of her neck, running his thumb over her cheek. He pressed himself further into her, closing his eyes and taking in the feel of her. “I’ll always need you,” he said. He tilted his head and closed his mouth against hers, a sweet numbness filling him as he felt her tense into him. He let her mouth go and breathed deeply as if he could draw her in. “I’ll always want you.”

Her breath warmed his mouth as she laughed lightly. Then he felt her hand on his jaw, her thumb running over his lips as she pulled away. He met her gaze in the dark, and her eyes were powerful. His thirium pump hitched, and he recognized the pure joy in her face. The joy he wished would be this obvious every time he saw her.

She bit her lip lightly, her eyes flicking between his. “Good,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can thank Ty-Chou for this chapter even happening. It was not planned at all. Neither was the next chapter, but hey, I really haven't had control over these two rabbits for the past few chapters. I tell Simon to tell Kate about Seph and he tries to attack her in bed. I make Simon talk to Richard and they wind up laughing like a couple of idiots. I finally _sit_ Kate's and Simon's asses down on a rooftop to make them talk about their situation and they wind up dry humping eachother instead. I throw my hands up. Whatever. Go at it.
> 
> A lot of sexual exploration happened in this chapter that I didn't think would ever set foot in this story. I used words that made me want to throw up. Simon has discovered that he likes Kate's boobs. God dammit. I know how this is going to proceed.
> 
> Since Simon is discovering his own version of sexual climax, I wanted it to feel authentic. Or at least different from Kate's, which has been his only experience so far. But a man's climax is obviously different than a woman's climax, and I didn't want to fall into the trap of describing it as such. I've seen a lot of writers use pressure and tension etc. and then a wave of ecstasy. For men (or at least asking embarrassingly between my fingers), it's more of a focus. A need to use their bodies in order to build something for themselves, only to find utter satisfaction in the tearing down of it. That focus is usually on making their partner get to their own climax, and the best one possible. 
> 
> Simon's just become a man. Ugh. Pray for me.


	33. Mechanically and Biologically Compatible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some gnarly NSFW content towards the end of the chapter if you wish to overt your eyes.

Kate drew in a deep breath as she awoke, keeping her eyes closed but moving just enough to confirm that she was no longer asleep. Her brain was still fuzzy, memories and sensations reconnecting one at a time. She wished she would know exactly when she fell asleep every night as if it would make it easier for her to wake up in the morning. She was never tired before sleeping, and she never remembered her dreams although they always seemed to have an influence on her in the few moments of limbo between sleep and consciousness. This morning she felt nervous and edgy, her body already charged even though her muscles were weak from weariness. It made her want to move. She settled on simply closing her fingers, drawing them over smooth skin.

The grounding movement restored her sense of space within the world. The details came one at a time, beginning with how she was lying on her stomach, her body slightly twisted so that she had one leg drawn up and her arm under her pillow. It was warm in her room despite the fact that she was uncovered, and she also realized with some shock that she had no clothes on. Everything focused on each sensation against her skin, the soft breeze of the air from the ceiling fan, the fluctuation in temperature on different parts of her, how unusually soft the blankets were on her bare body, and the warm smooth texture under her hand and leg of Simon lying next to her.

A silent thrill burned through her, and she opened her eyes. Light was only visible in half her vision, one side of her face buried against Simon’s chest. It was rising and falling with each breath, and Kate watched her hand rise with it as it rested on him. Something about the way he was lying next to her, unmoving besides his slow breathing told Kate that he was unaware she had awoken. The idea that she was observing him without his knowledge brought with it a kind of excitement. A sort of power unlike what she’d felt the previous night. She wanted to move to see if she was right, but at the same time she didn’t want to give herself away. After a few moments of watching his bare chest rise and fall, she slowly turned her head to look up at him.

His tilted face came into view, outlined at an angle by the bright light shining through the window. Kate could only see one eye, and it was closed, his eyebrows gently raised in a blank expression. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought he was asleep. She recognized that look as the one he often had when he was in his trance-like stasis. She couldn’t see his LED from where she was, but she guessed it was conducting its usual spin from blue to white.

She took the time to analyze his face in this independent state which had become rare. It was something she was never quite used to despite how familiar she was with him. As if she were seeing a different version of him entirely. He had a certain power over her in that he didn’t require sleep, and for several hours every day she allowed herself to be wrapped up in him, surrendering her body while she drifted to a place absent of him. He could feel free to memorize every aspect of her for as long as he wanted. Kate knew he would never deny her the same thing, but there was a kind of comfort in knowing that there was no need to ask.

As carefully as she could, she brought her elbow underneath herself and gently rose up, her hair falling over her shoulder as she lifted her bare upper body. Simon didn’t move, his peaceful blank expression still frozen on his face. From where she held herself, she could see his LED flashing, his eyelids tensing and relaxing, gentle twitches of his eyebrows, and very faint tugs at his mouth. The movements were so minor, yet Kate couldn’t help but feel a wash of awe every time she saw one. As though she were gaining a glimpse into whatever subconscious he had.

The gentle tension in his features made them stand out, and Kate’s heart fluttered as she gazed at him. She still couldn’t believe how utterly perfect he looked. How attractive he was. The curves of his eyebrows, the angle of his nose, and the tapered outline of his face were so specific to him. Yet even as she felt herself burn for him, she could never say they were unique. They were all a product of CyberLife design. What men like her father had decided would be the most appropriate appearance for something that would exist as a mindless servant. It was never meant to take someone’s breath away. To fill them with stunning passion. To make them want to trace every outline of every feature as if they could memorize every angle of him the way Kate wanted to now.

He was unique. Even in his current blank state. In the way he’d changed her life, how he’d deviated, what he felt for her, and how he wanted to use that to help someone else. Who he was made him unbearably attractive to her. The features may have been the same in every dimension, but she could swear that if she saw him as he was the day he first appeared at her front door, he would look like a completely different person. He had changed in so many ways, and had done it so naturally. As if he were adept at it. She could feel the person that he was, and those small movements were only further proof that he was the reason she was so in love with him.

She carefully moved herself closer to him and gazed at him as she ran her hand up his chest to his neck and back down again, rubbing him softly. He drew in a deep breath, arching slightly off the bed, and his eyes flew open. It seemed he wasn’t able to see for a moment, his eyes dilated and staring blankly at the ceiling. Then he blinked, and Kate watched as his pupils contracted and relaxed. He turned his head, and Kate felt a wave of numbing electricity sweep through her as he looked at her. His blue eyes were saturated in the yellow light so that they seemed almost aqua in color. They tensed at the corners and the edges of his lips pulled lightly. It was an amazing transformation from pleasant bliss to thrilling acknowledgement of her. As close as she would ever get to waking him from sleep.

She felt her mouth tense as she smiled at him, and bit her lip to contain it. “Hi,” she said quietly.

His smile grew, and Kate’s heart raced. “Hi,” he said.

Kate drew herself further up, and his hand slid along her back to hold her shoulders. The warmth of his smile was making her grow weak, and she gazed at his chest, pulling her hair behind her ear to distract herself from it. His other hand came up, and she returned her gaze to him as he ran his fingers through her hair to help her draw it back. His eyes were soft, scanning her as he worked. She could feel her strength slipping, and she focused on gently rubbing a spot on his chest to keep herself coherent. It seemed to do the job.

She drew up her confidence, revitalizing herself. “What were you dreaming about?” she asked.

When he didn’t answer, she let her gaze drift back up to him. He was staring up at the ceiling, his blue eyes tensed as though he were trying to remember. When he looked back at her, he opened his mouth to speak. After a few moments of silence, his eyes flicked to her lips, and a smile spread on his face.

Kate narrowed her eyes at him, throwing him a sideways smile. She let out a laugh through her nose and stopped rubbing his chest. “God.” She rolled off of him. “Forget I asked.”

His hand was on her arm and she was pulled back into him. She caught his gaze for only a moment, the sight of his smile sparking exhilaration through her before she twisted the other way.

“Nope,” she said as she tried to roll away again. He wrapped his leg behind both of hers and gripped her shoulder, preventing her from twisting her upper body. She drew her legs up to break free of him. “I’m not letting you win this.”

His smile became a grin as he caught her leg in his hand, pulling her against his waist. A shameful laugh left her and she dragged herself further up the bed, pushing against his shoulders to wrench herself out of his grip. He seemed to let her, his blue-eyed gaze following her until she was nearly untangled from him. Then, just before she was free, he grabbed her ankle, pinning her in place.

_ “God damn it.” _ She twisted, clawing at the headboard behind her as he began to roll on top of her. She avoided his smile as she felt her own pull at her lips, and she leveraged herself up from underneath him. “You’re too strong!”

He laughed as he raised himself up into a kneeling position, his hands gripping behind her knees to drag her on her back with him. She scrambled in a pitiful attempt to find purchase on the sheets around her, merely pulling them with her as he sat back on his heels and readjusted himself to grip her waist. He pulled her up, and suddenly she was sitting on his lap, her legs wrapped around him, and his gaze meeting hers.

She was out of breath, her chest heaving and her hands resting on his chest as she finally gave up struggling. He smoothed his thumbs over the peaks of her hips, his smile softening as he tilted his head to look at her. It was almost as if he was tempting her to escape again, but as Kate met his eyes, the features of him drew every ounce of fight out of her, and she no longer had the energy or the will to keep up her defense.

She shook her head, smoothing her hands over his collarbones as she gave him a sideways smile. “You know I hate this.”

His smile widened, and the way his blue eyes scanned her face as though he couldn’t take in enough of her made her heart skip. He leaned forward into her. “I don’t think you do.”

She clapped a hand over her mouth, unable to stop a sharp laugh. He paused in front of her, though he didn’t lean back. She shook her head. “I can’t. You know I can’t,” she said, her voice muffled.

Simon’s blue eyes glanced down at her hand, his smile growing pensive. Kate’s heart continued to pound as she braced herself underneath his gaze, giving him as strong of a glare as she could manage. Then he moved forward, and an electric cascade swept over Kate’s body as Simon’s eyes closed, his nose brushed her own, and she felt his mouth press against the back of her hand.

Her eyes fell closed, and she drew in a deep breath as she absorbed the feel of him and the fresh linen scent of his skin. His mouth left her hand, and she dared to look back up into his blue eyes. The golden glow of sunlight through the curtains had a way of lighting up his face so that every aspect of his expression was intensified. The way he was looking at her now drew every ounce of energy from her. His eyebrows were narrowed slightly over his eyes which had the faintest tension underneath, and the corners of his mouth were threatening to pull into that amazing smile. She was so entranced by the sight of him she didn’t realize her hand had slid off of her mouth.

He fell into her again, and this time his mouth closed against hers. Kate had just enough time to acknowledge what was happening before she helplessly gave into him, letting the numb elation take over. Sparks ignited her body as she felt his hand slide up to her neck, his thumb running along her cheek as he took in more of her. As the gentle touch of his lips pulled away, he took in a breath of air against her mouth. Then he was back again, and Kate’s heart suddenly hammered in a blinding thrill when she felt his tongue brush against hers, encouraging her to open her mouth and take him fully.

She moaned into him, letting her hands draw up along his neck and into his hair as she locked her body tightly against his. He pulled her in by the waist and leaned forward as he took her mouth, tilting his head to gain further access to her. His other hand was running down her neck, and when it reached her chest, he pressed his palm against her breast, closing his fingers around it. A stunning rapture flowed through her, and Kate dropped her head back as she let out a soft cry.

His mouth was on her neck, the hand on her hip pulling her further up onto his lap. Kate anchored herself against him, tensing her legs around his hips. She could feel him positioning himself, and the way his hand was tightening on her hip was begging her to open up for him. Everything in her body was prepared for this. Ready to let him fill her and take her down the amazing descent with him. All she had to do was not resist it.

She clenched her hands into his hair, pressing her mouth to his temple as she breathed heavily. “Simon…”

His lips trailed up to her jaw, his breath hot on her neck. “Kate…”

He rolled his hips to bring her further up, and it took every ounce of strength Kate had to hold herself away from him. She pressed her nose to his cheek, tensing her face as she fought her own desire. “We need to talk.” She raised her head, touching her mouth to his temple as the resistance became easier. “We have to talk.”

His movement slowed, his hands sliding along her waist. The blinding momentum of passion was drifting to a halt, clearing her mind as it drifted away. It left a burning disappointment in its wake, filling her with an almost panicked remorse. This had to be done. They’d been avoiding it for long enough.

Simon let out a sigh against her neck, and he leaned back so that his face came into view. His eyes were bright and focused, a light tension pulling at the corner of his mouth though he gazed at her with full attention. Kate was still struggling to control her breathing, clutching onto his shoulders and relaxing her legs around his waist. There was a soft sadness in Simon’s face that was hard to analyze, as though he were just on the verge of letting it be known. Finally, he brushed a hand along the side of her face, watching it as he pushed a long lock of her brown hair away.

“About Seph,” he said.

Kate felt her shoulders drop. She looked down at his neck to avoid his gaze. “About Seph. And my dad. And being here. A lot of things.”

Simon let out another breath, and he nodded. When she looked back up at him, his eyebrows were narrowed. He seemed more determined. “I suppose it’s time.” His gaze drifted to the side and he raised his eyebrow slightly. “Where do we begin?”

Kate sighed and shook her head. She pushed herself off his lap, pulling him with her by the shoulders as she moved onto her back, drawing her legs up slightly. Simon rolled next to her, lying on his back and resting his hands on his chest like he’d done the day before. Kate stared up at the ceiling, feeling herself settle into the twisted bedsheets. For a while, she simply absorbed the silence, struggling to find a place to start. She tilted her head towards him.

“I’m never leaving you. You know that, right?” She looked sideways at him. His eyes were lowered, though he gave a slow nod. She straightened and stared back up at the ceiling. “Whatever happens, wherever we go, whatever we do, it involves you. That goes for the good and the bad. This is beyond some... fling or catharsis or whatever. I know what I feel and I know what I want. I think you do too.”

She felt him shift next to her. “Are you asking me to prove it to you?” he asked.

Kate let out a sigh. “This is serious, Simon.”

“I was being serious.”

She turned away from him, gazing at the bookcases and feeling a nervousness grow in her gut. “I asked you what you wanted, and it wasn't really fair because we're still figuring this whole thing out. I think if I asked you now, you'd give me a different answer.”

Simon was silent for a moment. “I want to help Seph.”

Kate felt her body sink further into the mattress as a wave of tension swept through her. She closed her eyes. “Do you even know what that means?”

“It means he has to stay here,” said Simon.

She turned back to him. His narrowed gaze was fixed on the ceiling, his blue eyes focused in thought. Kate shrugged her shoulders lightly. “Stay where?” she said. “In the boat house?”

Simon looked at her, a bright determination lit in his face. “We should tell your father about him. Clark can register him in the Hayes’ household like he did with me. He can hide here until he learns to govern himself.”

Kate shook her head, staring at him intently. “I had a hard enough time explaining you to my dad. How the hell are we going to convince him to take on another deviant?”

Simon rolled onto his shoulder, lifting himself up onto one elbow so that he clutched his blond hair. Kate watched him as he gazed down at her chest, running his finger along her collarbone so that it sent a pleasant shiver through her. For a moment, he seemed distracted in what he was doing. Then he looked up at her, his blue eyes tensed in worry. “We should at least try,” he said.

Kate let out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know what made you suddenly buddy up to him, but I don’t want him involved in any of the shit we do more than he already is.”

Simon’s eyebrows furrowed slightly. Then he lowered his gaze, tracing along her neck. “I like your father.”

A tense laugh escaped her. Kate looked off to the side, bringing her hand up to press against her forehead. “I never thought I’d hear those words.”

“He wants to help you, Kate,” said Simon.

“I don’t want his help,” said Kate. “I don’t want him digging in our business. I don’t even want to be here.”

Simon’s hand left her. She turned back to him, and he was gazing around the room as if analyzing every detail. His expression was somewhat longing, his eyebrows raised and a slight tension pulling at his mouth.

“I like it here,” he said. “I feel a connection to the people here, and to the place. As if I can truly discover myself. I want to know what my potential holds, and I want to achieve it.” He looked down at her, and gave her a small smile. “And maybe learn to fly a ship in the process.”

Kate closed her eyes to avoid rolling them. A burning nervousness was taking hold in her, despite her frustration. She hadn’t expected him to become so attached to her father’s house. They had only been there a short while, and it had started off so uncertain. Her father hadn’t trusted him, Taylor clearly didn’t like androids at all, and both of them seemed to be waiting for Kate to wake up from this fantasy of being with Simon and return to the mundane world that involved only humans. But at the same time, she knew what Simon meant. There was a permanence to the place, as if nothing ever needed to change. It was somewhere above the complexities of the world, and they could reach any destination from here. All they needed was a direction.

Kate turned into him, pressing herself against his chest and burying her face in his neck. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as he rolled onto his back, taking her with him. She let out a deep breath as she settled into him, drawing her leg up and resting her hand on his chest. She could feel him rubbing her arm softly with his thumb as he gripped her, his mouth pressed to her forehead. It was wonderfully safe being with him like this, and she closed her eyes as she lost herself in the feel of him.

“I said I didn’t know what I wanted before,” she said. “I need to have a better answer than that. It’s just been so easy to avoid because no one really asks me anything.” She tipped her head up, bumping his chin with her nose. “So ask away.”

He tilted his head against her, and she felt his cheek press softly to the top of her head. “You don’t want to stay here,” he said.

Kate stared over the slope of his chest at her dresser. “No, I don’t.”

“Where do you want to go?”

Kate drew herself up against him, rubbing the spot on his chest just underneath his collarbones. She narrowed her gaze, apprehension burning through her as she absorbed the smoothness of his skin under her fingers. “Away from Detroit. Away from my family, from my history, from all of this. Someplace without androids.”

She felt him shift his head as if he were trying to look down at her. “Are you saying that because you want me to be safe?” he said.

Kate froze for a moment, processing his question. She wanted to deny it. To come up with a solid reason why it would be better for them to abandon everything. But it was obvious in the way he’d asked her that it wasn’t really a question. He knew her too well. She let out a soft breath. “Yes.”

“Then assume I am,” he said. “And I’ll ask you again. Where do you want to go?”

Kate sank into him, closing her eyes and forcing herself to break down her thoughts. It was something she should have had an answer for. And she should have known a long time ago where she pictured herself years from now. She had a feeling Simon wasn’t expecting her to predict what her life would be like without him. At the same time, there was something hopeful in his energy. As if this was meant to be speculation on the best case scenario. The idea was so alien to her, she could hardly remember what it felt like to feel something as stable as a comfortable life.

She tried to remember when she’d last felt it. How satisfying it felt, what she’d been doing, and where it had been. It hadn’t been that long ago. And she’d been doing this very thing. Wrapping herself up in Simon’s arms, completely exposed to him, and cherishing it. The unpredictable future only a breath away. Everything was a possibility in those precious moments, and it had been over far too soon. Even as she let the memory of it wash over her, she knew it was in vain. That world was gone, and it would take more than simply moving from one area to another to make that feeling permanent.

She smoothed her hand over his chest, pressing her nose into his neck. “I want to go home,” she said. “Back to my house. Going back to college and working on something that felt like it mattered. Where it felt like everything was happening naturally and we didn't have to decide on anything, it just─ happened.” She shifted against him, struggling to contain her frustration. “I keep thinking back on what would have happened if that android hadn't shown up. If we were able to just be alone, together, figuring this shit out like normal people do. How much easier this would have been.”

Simon picked her hand up, threading her fingers through his. She couldn’t see his expression, and instead she focused on what he was doing with her hand. “Would you have kept me?” he asked quietly.

Kate tilted her head, his words catching her off guard. “What do you mean?”

“If it had been easy,” he said. “If we didn’t have to think about it. To work on it. Would you still have wanted me?”

She was about to argue, that of course she would have wanted him if it had been easy. Before she could, she suddenly realized that something similar had been presented to her. She let out a slow breath. Matt had been easy. Matt had thrown himself at her. And she’d rejected him at every turn. He’d been the most natural choice for her, and still she denied herself a future with him. If he wasn’t allowed to be in her life the way he was meant to, it seemed impossible that Simon would have any more of a chance.

Kate turned her hand and pressed her fingers against his. “At least I wouldn’t have had people trying to convince me not to,” she said.

Simon turned, rolling slightly onto his shoulder so that he pulled away from her. Kate felt his hand on her neck, his thumb smoothing over her cheek, and she gazed up at his face. His eyes were narrowed and his face drawn in sharp determination. His eyes flicked between hers.

“Coming here wasn’t a mistake,” he said.

Kate reached up and took his hand, holding his gaze. “It hasn’t been a solution either. It's just a place where I don't have to think about what this means for us.”

Simon’s eyes tensed for a brief moment. “You mean in terms of a relationship.”

Kate couldn’t help her nervous laugh. She dipped her head, biting her lip as she looked off towards the bookcases. “Yeah,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “In terms of a totally normal relationship between two totally normal people who want a totally normal future. You know, with dates and getting jobs, marriage, kids, the whole normal life.”

Simon was silent. She looked back at him, and felt a wave of dread sweep through her. His eyes were narrowed as he gazed off, a deep pain lined in his expression.

“I can never give you that,” he said softly.

Kate pressed a hand to the side of his face, her heart pounding. His eyes met hers, and she focused on them. She drew herself up closer to him, running her thumb along his bottom lip. “Simon, do I look like the kind of person who ever had that sort of thing on her radar?”

Simon tilted his head, his eyes brightening as he gazed at her. “You would have had that with Matt.”

“I would have dated Matt, I would have fucked it up, and he would have left me for Jamie either way,” said Kate. “And then I'd never have trusted men again. I'm utterly hopeless, in case you haven't noticed.”

Simon’s expression calmed, and he let out a quiet breath. “You’re not hopeless.”

Kate smiled. “You’re my only hope.”

Simon suddenly pushed her shoulder, moving her onto her back. Kate brought her hands up to his chest as he rolled onto her, one hand holding the side of her neck and the other sliding down the curve of her waist. Her heart raced as she gazed up at him. A fierce confidence had taken over, his eyebrows narrowed in a way that still allowed the light to catch his blue eyes. The corner of his mouth tensed, and he was making no attempt to hide how he was studying every aspect of her. Kate held his gaze, fighting the nervous thrill that burned through her.

His thumb brushed her cheek, and she felt a wave of sparks. “You’re an incredible person, and people love that about you,” he said. “And in case you haven’t noticed,” he cocked his head to the side as he smiled, “you are unbelievably beautiful.”

Kate let out a snort. “Shut up.” She tried to turn her head away from him, but he held her in place, forcing her to look up at him. The smile on his face grew wider, melting the strength from her.

“I happen to have a keen perception of human facial features including symmetry, relative proportion, and reception, as well as being able to...  _ appreciate _ the fitness of the human body in terms of reproduction.”

Kate narrowed her eyes as she looked up at him. “Are you breaking me down into a series of ones and zeros?”

Simon’s blond eyebrow rose. “Would you like me to?”

Kate’s eyes widened, and a desperate breath escaped her. Before she could even begin to struggle with a response, he rose up slightly and gazed down at her body, drawing his hand up the length of her. Kate felt her whole body tense at the sensation, and she clutched his chest as his hand reached the curve of her breast. He paused there, rubbing the side of it.

“If I could create a program as perfect as you,” he said, “I would never know when my dreams stopped and reality began. I would abuse it. I’d run it at maximum capacity until my processor overheated, my circuits fused, and my battery drained.” He lowered himself to her neck, and Kate arched herself as he opened his mouth against her skin. “But if it gave me even a brief moment of the ecstasy you fill me with, I would stretch that moment so that from my perspective, it will last forever.”

Kate clenched her eyes shut, gathering her willpower. “You’re being really poetic...”

Her breath shook as he trailed his lips up her neck to her jaw, his body moving against hers. He came into her vision, and his blue eyes had taken on a soft, almost predatory gaze.

“There is no virus more potent than what you create in me when you give yourself to me” he said. “That can’t be measured in any form of code, any level of programming, any degree of software. It can only be felt in the deepest part of my being, disregarding my body, my chassis, the soma. You reach inside of me and deliver a part of yourself that no one else can touch. That no one else was meant to have.” He lowered himself further onto her, closing his eyes and tilting his head against her, breathing out desperately. “It’s for me.”

Kate was breathing heavily now, her hands rising up to thread through his hair as she felt her body giving in to him. She could sense the aching desire in him, and it was drawing the energy from her in a debilitating yet satisfying way. The sound of his voice was drowning her, and she couldn’t bring herself to fight for air.

His mouth left her cheek, and he raised himself over her. Kate watched as he pressed his hand to her stomach, his blue eyes focused on her.

“If they could see you the way I do,” he said. “If they could feel you─” His hand drew up along her stomach, in between her breasts, to her throat, sending a numbing wave of electricity through her. Then he dropped down to her, pressing his nose to her temple.

“─smell you…” His nose traced along the edge of her face and drifted through her hair until it reached her jaw. He pulled himself over her, his nose brushing hers.  _ “─taste _ you…”

His lips opened against hers and she frantically rose to meet him, only to feel him draw back just enough to prevent her from fully closing her mouth against his. His breath mixed with hers, and then a blinding thrill swept through her as she felt his tongue brush between her lips, grazing the edge of her teeth. He tilted his head as he licked the surface of her tongue, and then he descended on her, closing his mouth over hers. Kate thought her heart would burst from her chest as she let him take her, sucking in air between each closing of his lips. Then he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers.

“If they could have you the way I do,” he said breathlessly. “Then maybe there would be one soul on this earth that can convince you how absolutely amazing you are.”

Kate breathed out a soft laugh, immediately losing her strength again afterward. She ran her hand down the side of his face. “You’re doing a pretty good job.”

She was pulled up as he drew himself back onto his knees, and his nose brushed hers as he took her mouth again. Kate held onto either side of his neck, pressing her body against his. He let go of her mouth only to gasp against it. “Tell me what I can do to prove it to you,” he whispered.

Kate’s shoulders tensed and relaxed as she struggled to breathe. She pressed her forehead to his. “What would you do to prove it to me?”

Simon tilted his head against hers, letting out a deep breath. “Anything,” he said.

“Are you sure about that?” she said.

_ “Yes…” _ he said almost in a gasp. Kate drew herself back slightly so that she caught his gaze, her eyes narrowed as she was barely able to hold her strength.

“Would you let me win, just once?” she said.

Simon gazed at her for a moment, his eyes flicking between hers. Then his expression fell, his eyebrows rising slowly and his eyes brightening into a mild exasperation. “Have I ever won?”

Kate’s eyes widened, her breath frozen in her chest. Simon was silent as he stared back at her. For a while, neither of them moved.

She fell into him, the blinding cascade of desire rushing through her as her mouth closed against his. He was pulling her tightly into him, his hands on her hips and gathering her up so she sat higher on his lap. She clutched him desperately, sliding her hands into his hair and wrapping her legs around him as if afraid she would never feel him again. Every part of her was burning for him. To feel him against her, around her, inside of her. His words were blinding her with aching desire, driving everything to feel them tangibly working their way into her other senses. She believed in him, completely and without question.

She let go of his mouth as she breathed heavily, pressing her forehead against his and moving with him as he guided her body into place, his hands gripping underneath her thighs and lifting her up. His mouth was open, his shoulders tensing, and his face tilted downwards as he adjusted himself underneath her. Kate’s heart was hammering, her body frozen in a shocking anticipation for the feel of him. Waves of unbearable tension were coursing through her, beginning at her shoulders and flowing down to her abdomen, begging for his presence. His movement. The satisfying pressure that she needed to satiate. Her body was made for this. She was made for him.

She clutched his shoulders, drawing herself into him as he ran a hand to her back and steered her pelvis over his. Then he arched himself up, releasing his grip so that she was able to sink down onto him. A shockwave of exhilaration swept through her, and she pressed her open mouth to his as she let out a startled moan at the solid sensation of him sliding into her, gently stroking the aching pleasure within her as he slowly pushed himself in, and settling on the sensitive place that made her body seize in euphoria. Simon let out a deep breath, beginning in a groan and fading into a sigh, his shoulders dropping and his body tightening as he seemed to recalibrate himself. Then Kate felt his body flex as he rolled his hips up into hers, and the burning excitement it ignited had her head falling back, her eyes clenching closed and a helpless cry escaping her.

She could feel his hands tighten on her waist and his hot breath on her neck as he breathed heavily against her, rolling his hips into hers and bringing forth wave after wave of blinding fire within her. Kate tightened her legs on either side of him as she pulled herself back to him, her nose brushing his and sliding her hands up into his blond hair as she struggled to breathe. There was a power in his movements that wasn’t there before. A sudden awakening to his motivation as if he were reaching for something that only he could feel. And the way he was focused on her, his hands smoothing against her skin, his head tilting against hers so that his mouth brushed along her cheek, and how each of her gasps seemed to spur energy in his pelvis made her believe she was guiding him there.

He straightened and his mouth closed over hers, muffling their breathing for a moment as Kate braced herself against him. Then he released her and she leaned back into the pumping of his hips, arching herself so that she took him in deeper. He supported her with one hand around her waist as he slid the other up along her stomach and underneath her breast, taking it in his palm and massaging it. Each of his thrusts jolted her body upwards, the solid pressure of him making startling sharp contact with that place of aching pleasure within her in a way that made her feel as if he was re-entering her all over again. She let it drive every action, every desperate breath she took, the tightening of her core, the racing of her heart as he overwhelmed her. It was all for him. A kind of symbiotic bodily enlightenment that was built upon the rapture he was filling her with. And the more she accepted him, the more of herself she was able to give in return.

She let go of his shoulders with one hand to reach behind her, supporting herself against the mattress as she let herself be jolted further and further back. Simon’s hand slid up her chest and back down again, his hips rolling harder against hers the more she arched from him until she was at arm’s length, one hand still gripping his shoulder and holding herself up in rhythm with him. She was unable to control the breaking of her voice with each breath, opting instead to let the waves of euphoria that he was creating inside of her take control of the sounds she was making. Her moans mixed with his heavy panting, the brush of their skin as he slid his hand along the length of her torso and in between her breasts, and the low clapping of skin on skin each time his hips pumped into hers. He was dominating every sensation she could experience. It was the most satisfying surrender.

She drew herself back up slightly, tightening her legs over his hips and running her thumb over his cheek. The minor reclaiming of her body gave her enough strength to open her eyes, allowing the visual experience of what he was doing to her to fill her senses. The muscles in his abdomen flexed and relaxed with each roll of his hips, and his chest had tightened as he held her into him by her waist, causing the details of his collarbones and pectoral muscles to become more defined. When her gaze reached his, it filled her with a debilitating wash of desire that combined with the pulses of burning pleasure in her core. His eyebrows were raised, his eyes tensed and almost glassy as they followed his hand which was still exploring every inch of her torso. He looked absolutely mesmerized, as though he could hardly believe she was letting him do this. That he needed to touch her as he claimed the sensation in her body so that they would both know this was real. She watched him run his hand down along her stomach, his eyes drifting lower, and then he arched himself back, his breathing growing stronger as he watched himself slide in and out of her.

Kate’s head dropped back, and she clenched her eyes shut as she felt her body grow in rapture under his repeating pelvic motions. He was discovering himself in her, finding new ways to bring himself closer so that she could believe he loved her as much as he swore he did. It was causing the aching desire in her to build, slowly reaching up through her core. She was aware that her breathing was becoming more shallow, and she clenched her hand on Simon’s shoulder in an effort to bring it to his attention. He responded by pulling her up by the waist, raising her to slide his hand up her torso. Then Kate let out a sharp cry, a magnificent wave of electricity lighting her body as she felt Simon’s warm wet mouth close over her breast.

Her hands were in his hair, and he fell with her as she dropped onto her back, her knees drawn up and her legs crossed over his hips as he continued to thrust himself into her against the mattress. The burning pleasure was rising now, aching at the source in her pelvis with each slick sensation, his solid rhythmic ebb and flow of pressure, and the way he was activating her most devastating and vulnerable weakness with his own most vulnerable part of him was pulling her to the brink. She wanted him to find what he was looking for in her. To break her being down into its most basic form so that he could understand every one of her nuances. Her complexities. The material of her soul.

She reached behind her head, clenching her hands into the sheets as she raised her pelvis up into him. She could feel him over her, his breath warm on her neck and his voice breaking through as he supported himself with his hands on either side of her, rolling his hips into hers with a desperate energy. The force of him was rocking her, blending the waves of pleasure until they were nearly joined into one. She gasped for air as she felt it begin to take her.

Simon’s hand was holding the side of her neck, his thumb pressing into the side of her mouth. And then she felt him, his mouth open against hers and his nose touching her cheek.

“Fall for me, Kate,” he whispered between his labored breathing, his voice jolting with each thrust of his hips. Kate arched herself up, drawing in a shocking breath at the sound of him. His head tilted against hers, his mouth open as he seemed to fight for air. “Fall for me. I’ll save you…”

Kate lifted herself into him, a tense cry escaping her as she felt her body ignite.  _ “Simon…” _

Her core seized, and she tilted her pelvis up into his as a burst of brilliant euphoria took over. It spread through her body, locking into her muscles, firing her nerves and forcing her to open herself up and take in all of him. Her back left the mattress as her head tilted back, her eyes clenched closed and her arms bending as she fisted the sheets above her head. She could feel her stomach tighten as the blinding power claimed her, pushing her up and into him, her legs tensing as they opened wider to receive him. And he was there, aware of all of it as he gasped against her neck, his hand clutched on her breast with fingers digging into her skin, and the rolling angle of his hips tilting up as his solid stroking within her pushed the tip of him deep and hard into the soft wall of her electrified tenderness. His groan shook his body, and the breath left her chest as she let out a desperate moan, her senses blending as she felt him deliver himself to her through the connection he’d made with that part of him inside of her. She let him in.

He was everywhere within her, filling every void within herself, discovering her boundaries, defining her edges. The darkness was suddenly revealed as he touched the walls of her very being, exploring her in a way that made her understand herself. And as the realization swept over her, she saw inside of him as well, the deepest desires of his heart. A reflection of herself was there, and with the last of her strength, she willed it to become clearer to him so he could find her again.

Slowly the light withdrew, and her mind settled back into the darkness of reality. Her senses came back to her, and she fought to catch her breath as her body loosened up. She kept her eyes closed as everything came back to her at once, and the darkness brought with it a sense of peace after such intense stimulation. Shockwaves of residual pleasure were still pulsing through her, bringing with them distant sensations of that precious place in her soul. It was the same place every time, and yet it was also different with each visit. As though she were approaching it from a different angle. She was understanding it more and more each time, though she knew she would never fully see it no matter how often she found herself there.

She tilted her head, regaining control of her body, and her nose touched Simon’s cheek. He was laying over her, his chest heaving against hers and his hand still cupped under her breast. Kate unclenched her hands from the sheets above her head and brought her arms down, wrapping them around his shoulders and sliding her hands into his blond hair as she breathed heavily against him. Her head was swimming less and less with each breath, and she combed her fingers through his hair as she turned her head to absorb more of him against her. 

She felt him shift on top of her, his nose brushing hers. He made a soft humming noise. “I love it when you do that for me,” he said quietly.

His voice brought more energy to her, and she rubbed her nose against his as she felt a smile spread on her face. “Don’t get used to it.”

He raised himself slightly, and she felt lips brush hers as he hovered over her. “Are you saying you won’t do that for me every time?”

Kate let out a soft breath of laughter, and she tilted her head up so that she could close her mouth against his. He breathed in, and she felt the gentle weight of his body on her as he relaxed over her. When she let go of his mouth, she pressed her forehead to his. “I’ll always do that for you.”

His mouth was back on hers, and she felt his hand against her neck and his thumb brushing over her cheek as he twisted into her. She breathed deeply against him, her body still tingling from exhaustion as he moved further over her. With a desperate gasp, she lifted her head and tensed her eyebrows as she felt him press his pelvis against hers with a gentle but purposeful nudge. He exhaled against her neck, warming her skin.

“I’ll never get used to you,” he whispered before closing his mouth on her neck. She tightened her hands in his hair as he drew himself lower, pressing his mouth to her chest. Then the pressure of him left, and Kate opened her eyes to see him settling back on his knees, his arms on either side of her. His blond hair was a complete mess, the neat sideways sweep lost underneath the criss-crossing tufts that parted in lines where her fingers had threaded through. He wore it perfectly though, giving him an almost casual appearance that made him look as though he’d never been in a uniform. His blue eyes scanned her, beginning at her face and sweeping down her body as though he were forcing himself to remember every detail. Kate held still for him, watching his stunned expression. When his gaze returned to hers, his eyebrows lifted and his eyes brightened in an almost nervous intrigue.

“Did I convince you?” he said.

Kate nearly felt her heart stop. Her eyes widened, and her mouth fell open. Her exhaustion suddenly vanished and for a moment all she could see was the desperation in his face.

She pushed up from the mattress, gripping his shoulder and pulling herself up onto him as she closed her mouth over his. Her hands were back in his hair, and she could feel his hands on her waist as he held her into him, taking in each closing of her mouth. She finally paused against him, pressing her nose into his cheek. “You never had to try,” she said barely above a whisper.

He breathed out, and she could feel the smile on his face. She let her hands drift back so that she could run her thumbs over his cheeks and feel more of his amazing grin. It filled her with unbelievable satisfaction to know that he was pleased with his own effort. She never wanted him to feel any doubt that he wasn’t good enough for her. Her value was plainly obvious whenever he looked at her, when he touched her, and when he made her fall apart for him. He created it in her, and that was something she could only hope to achieve in him.

She pulled herself into him again, pressing her nose into the joint of his shoulder and neck as she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders and gripped into his hair. She could feel him tightening around her as well, his hands drifting up her back as he clutched her shoulder in one hand and her waist in the other, his arms bracing her against him. She closed her eyes as she absorbed the feel of him, the gentle rising and falling of his chest and his soft breath against her temple. This was the safest place she could ever be, and as she settled into him, she could almost feel him capturing the moment with her as though he were saving it in his system.

He tilted his head against hers, and she felt his mouth on her forehead. “Kate…”

She let out a soft breath as she heard the regret in his voice. With some difficulty, she loosened her hands in his hair. “We have to get out of bed.”

A reluctant laugh left him. His lips met her forehead again and she felt him breathe in against her skin. Then he moved back, his gaze meeting hers. His eyebrows were drawn, though a small smile tugged at his mouth. Kate cocked her head to one side so that her hair fell sideways.

“You need to help Seph,” she said. It had been meant as a direct statement, but Simon’s eyes drifted to the side and grew pensive. Kate smoothed her hands against his neck, savoring the contact that she had with him. Then with as much strength as she could gather, she gave him a slow nod, and moved back from him. He looked back at her and watched her as she slid off the bed and straightened her exhausted body so that her joints popped.

She let out a sigh as she threw a glance at him, then moved to her dresser. Spot had curled up on top, his orange ears poking up from his bundled body of fur. She pushed him out of the way to gain access to the pile of shirts next to him. Besides the curling of his paws, the cat made no indication that he cared.

Simon shifted on the bed behind her, and she could hear him putting his clothes on. She pulled a large shirt over her head and stepped into a pair of loose sweats, standing up with a small stack of acceptable clothing. Before she could turn around, hands slid on either side of her waist and arms wrapped around her as she felt Simon’s chest press against her back. His mouth touched her temple, and a wave of numbness swept through her body. With a heavy sigh, she dropped her head back and drew her shoulders up as he pulled her further into him, his mouth closing against her neck.

He straightened slightly, his nose brushing her jaw. “I’ll meet you down there.”

Kate nearly dropped the stack of clothes she was holding as she reached over her shoulder to lace her fingers in his hair, tilting her head to press her forehead to his. For a while, neither of them moved, locked together in a perfect tangle of arms. Then Simon slowly withdrew from her in an agonizing motion, his arms slipping from around her waist. Kate remained on the spot, listening as he moved across her room, and the door opened and shut quietly.

She let out a soft sigh, her eyes closing as she held onto the fading sensation of him. It felt like a different world without him there with her, and as painful as it was, she knew she would have to get used to doing this. Something soft brushed her face, and she opened her eyes to see Spot circling in front of her, his tail held high in the air as he looked at her and meowed. His little LED was circling blue next to his yellow eyes, the white glint racing around the same way Simon’s did when he looked at her with his puzzled bewilderment.

Kate raised her hand and let Spot pad underneath it, bumping his head up under her palm to pet himself with it. A smile tugged at her mouth, and she watched the cat for a moment as he circled around, his tail arching. Then she cast a look up to the ceiling before turning around and heading out the door towards the bathroom.

It was later than she thought. The clock on the wall of the sitting room told her it was afternoon, not morning. A nervous urgency had her prepping quickly in the bathroom even though she knew it probably wasn’t necessary. Simon was more than likely already checking on Seph, and there was no reason to suspect anything had changed since the day before. Yet there was still something pressing about having a precious secret, as though she needed to see for herself to know it was still protected. The knowledge had her scrambling to get dressed as though she suddenly had a time limit. She understood now why Simon felt such a strong need to care for the android, and why she had been right in suspecting he had planned to leave again the night before.

She left the bathroom somewhat more refreshed, and quickly passed by her room to toss in her dirty clothes. As she closed the door, another opened down the hall.

Kate stood up straight as she spotted Clark leaving the workshop. A sudden reminder jolted through her, and she moved towards him. “Hey, Clark.”

The android turned towards her. His face was seamless, not a hint that it had been detached. Kate couldn’t stop herself from analyzing it as she approached him. “You look better,” she said.

“Thank you,” said Clark. He tilted his head as he looked at her. “My physical design is still manufactured for android models even if my own model isn’t. There were no complications in repairing the aesthetic damage.” There was a hint of bluntness to his words, and Kate narrowed her eyes at him.

“Did anything else get damaged?” she asked. Clark’s LED spun yellow for a brief moment, then he straightened.

“I am still experiencing some software errors, more than likely a result of a broken trace or perhaps a malfunctioning bus. The technicians were not able to locate the source of the issue. It may simply be a digital scar I must learn to function with.”

Kate shook her head, dropping her gaze to the ground. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Are you here for the biocomponent?”

Kate looked up again, her brain struggling to switch gears. “Uh yeah, if you were able to get it.”

“I was.” Clark turned back into the workshop which was lit in its usual golden glow. Kate watched him as he approached the workbench and lifted a long plastic case which looked similar to a briefcase. He held it out to her as he moved back towards her. Kate took it from him, stumbling slightly as the weight of it caught her off guard. She wrapped her arms around it to secure it better.

“Thanks,” she said. “Hope it wasn’t too expensive.”

“Can I ask what you need it for?” said Clark.

A sharp surprise swept through her, and she gazed up at Clark, her eyes wide. Before she could begin to think of reasons why she needed such an unusual component, Clark’s LED flashed yellow and he ducked his head.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Hayes. That was an inappropriate question to ask.” He continued to stare at the ground, and Kate couldn’t help but watch him curiously. Finally, the android looked up. “Have a good day.”

He moved past her, heading to the stairs and disappearing quickly down the stairwell. Kate continued to stare at the landing long after he’d vanished from it, attempting to break down Clark’s behavior. Frustration bit at her, and she let out a tense sigh. The android was more than likely dealing with a whole host of software issues that he wasn’t willing to go into detail about, and these weird glitches were only surface level. She wondered how many other internal scars the android bore as a result of Taylor’s abuse towards him.

She adjusted the heavy case in her hands and moved towards the stairs, a subtle apprehension gripping her as she set off to help repair another, very different type of android.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... at least they had a discussion before they threw themselves at eachother? When I originally planned this story, Simon and Kate were going to have at most three sex scenes. Now, including the scenes both planned and unplanned that we've already had, they will have had sex no less than eight times. And that number continues to climb as the story progresses.


	34. Report the Deviants

Seph had reorganized the boat house to better suit his needs, if Simon could argue that an android would need a particular type of shelter. Now that the android had replenished his thirium and gained more energy, he had transformed the workshop side of the building by moving most of the equipment strategically to form what appeared to be barriers which blocked a direct view into the far wing. Tables and picture frames had been placed in the windows, and the countertops had been cleared. Seph himself migrated to the outside dock where Simon found him lying on his stomach, his working hand grazing the water. It had been a shock to him, seeing the android removed from the shelter of the boat house and appearing almost lifeless on the rotted wooden planks.

Seph was neither upset nor curious about Simon’s schedule. In fact he inquired very little about their future plans besides to question Simon about protocol. Despite Simon’s enthusiasm about helping Seph discover his own reason for living, Simon found himself reserving it besides the most obvious statements. He still wasn’t entirely sure how he hoped to help Seph achieve a new purpose, and the thought of giving the android false hope was painfully worrying. He wanted to be confident in his ability to direct Seph, and if he was going to have the most success with it, he would have to help him discover himself.

Now that the countertops were cleared, a small collection of items was beginning to turn the boat workshop into a minor android workshop. Thirium 310 bags were stored in the cabinet to avoid UV light which could compromise the electric charge in the bioparticles. What remained of Seph’s arm had been placed on the counter, and the spare filament was next to the 3D pen which thankfully was battery operated. After helping Seph organize the shop, Simon now wielded the pen as he filled in the cuts and dents in Seph’s skin.

There wasn’t much to it. Simon focused carefully in the dim light of the boat house as he traced each stab wound, covering the outside and then filling it inward to seal the holes completely. He swiped the area to smooth the melted plastic which would have burned him had he been human. Seph watched his progress at first, his flat eyebrows narrowed with intrigue over his deep blue eyes. After a few minutes, the android gazed to the side, a nervousness behind his expression. The longer Simon waited for him to express his concerns, the more convinced he became that Seph wouldn’t. Simon was fairly certain what was on the android’s mind anyway.

He threw a quick glance up at Seph as he made a tight thick blue spiral on a particularly large cut. Seph had been staring at an old air compressor for the better part of five minutes. Simon let out a sigh, and forced his apprehension aside. “No one is going to make you leave, Seph,” he said quietly.

Seph jolted slightly as he looked at him, causing Simon to make a line of plastic on the android’s skin. Seph looked down at his shoulder where Simon was working. “I’m sorry.” Seph drew in a breath. “I don’t want to doubt your sincerity. I’ve already relied so much on your help. But Kate seemed… put off by my being here. It didn’t occur to me how I might be putting you both in danger. By going to your house and then following the LM100 here, hiding in this place, and now you’re risking your own safety by helping me. As much as the idea of being on my own terrifies me─” Seph paused, his eyes growing wide at the thought. “─I understand if you don’t want me to stay.”

Simon narrowed his gaze as he completed the spiral. “We are concerned about the implications. We’re still not sure how to hide you besides leaving you out here, I have no idea how long the process will take for you to create your own protocol, and I don’t know what to do for you when you finally do. There are so many things to consider on top of our own issues, it’s difficult to know even where to begin. But we are not going to force you to leave. You need help, and we’d be─” Simon paused for a moment, thinking carefully. “We’d be pieces of shit people for not at least trying to help you.”

Seph stared at him a moment, his LED spinning yellow. “You’d feel ashamed,” he said.

Simon let out a soft laugh as he smoothed the melted plastic over. “Yes, we’d feel ashamed. Hypocritical I guess. We had no one to turn to when I deviated.”

“But you had eachother,” said Seph.

Simon paused, a nervous shock sweeping through him. He gazed at Seph who had resumed staring at the compressor. He let out a deep sigh. “We did.”

For a moment, the two androids were silent.

“Is she romantically attracted to you?” said Seph. Simon’s blue eyes widened, his mind scrambling to process his question. He hadn’t expected him to be so blunt. What was even more unexpected was the hesitation he felt in answering him. As though Seph would judge him in a way that was very different than how humans did.

Simon shifted slightly on the spot, busying himself with refilling the 3D pen as an excuse to avoid meeting Seph’s gaze. “She is.”

“The way you interact with her,” said Seph, and Simon could see the android gazing down at the table. “It’s similar to how Matthew did. Is she why you rejected your programming?”

Simon narrowed his eyes as he assessed a thin cut along Seph’s working arm where the panel had separated. Again, he was unsure of how specific to be, or how much he should elaborate. He closed his eyes as he settled on delivering the truth. “She’s in love with me,” said Simon. “And I’m in love with her.”

Seph didn’t say anything, and when Simon looked up, he could see the android’s LED spinning from yellow to red. Seph’s eyes were narrowed at the floor, a brightness lit in them as though a revelation were dawning on him. Simon lowered the 3D pen. “That’s my protocol. My purpose. Every decision I make is tied to it so that it will lead me back to how Kate feels about me. I want to be the person that she needs me to be. Someone she can trust and open herself to, but also someone that can affect the way others feel about her as well. I want to continue improving myself so that I can become valuable enough in the eyes of other humans to give her worth by being the one she chose to share that trust with. My purpose─” Simon tensed his eyes as he broke down his thoughts, the clarity of them growing stronger the more he spoke. “My purpose is to become enough of what humans consider a good person to convince myself that her choice was worth it.”

A subtle energy was settling over them that Simon couldn’t tell was a positive thing or not. Seph hadn’t raised his eyes, although his eyebrows continued to narrow as his LED spun. Finally Seph gazed up at him, his blue eyes focused. “How did you come to that conclusion?” said Seph.

Simon cocked his head to one side. “I suppose it had to do with my deviation,” he said. He raised the pen and carefully began to trace the outline of the split on Seph’s arm. “I deviated so that I could love her. But I didn’t realize at the time that the feeling has the opposite effect if it isn’t reciprocated. I needed to give her a reason to love me back. I am still looking for a decent one.”

“What will you do when you find it?” Seph’s eyes had grown nervous again. He stared down at his arm as Simon worked. “If you fulfill your purpose.”

Simon paused a moment as he considered the question. There was something redundant about it that he couldn’t quite specify. He resumed filling the crack. “Maybe I’ll never find it,” he said. “I’ll never understand why she loves me, and I’ll never consider myself worthy for it. I don’t really find that distressing.”

“How can you mean that?” Seph threw a tense glance up at him. “That sounds completely counterproductive to have a purpose that you can never fulfill.”

“I don’t find comfort in reaching the end result,” said Simon. “I find comfort in knowing that I am making the effort to try.” He smeared the soft plastic so that it merged flat against Seph’s skin, creating a long blue line. The android had gone silent again, although this time Simon left Seph to his thoughts. He wished he could give him something more tangible to work with. Something he could direct his code towards that would create the building blocks for his own purpose. But even as Simon struggled to simplify his own experiences, he found that they could only be explained in broad terms. The more specific he made them, the less they applied to Seph’s situation. And the more general they were, the more vague. The only thing he could do was shift between the two in hopes of giving Seph something he could incorporate.

Simon moved back as the filament hardened and examined his work. There were no more broken components, although Seph now looked peppered in blue. The shapes of each crack were outlined in pools of sleek white plastic, creating a patchwork of satin flesh, shiny white, and dull blue. It was a minor fix to a massive problem, though it still gave Simon some satisfaction in knowing he had put in a degree of work to make it a little bit better.

Seph ran a hand over his neck as he seemed to assess the quality of the repairs. “Thank you, Simon.” He looked up, still rubbing a filled spot on his shoulder. “So my new protocol should be related to the way I deviated?” he said. “And it shouldn’t necessarily be something I can realistically achieve.”

“It can be anything you want,” said Simon. He set the pen down on the workbench and leaned against the side, crossing his arms over his chest. “My own purpose was created in a way that seemed most appropriate to my experiences. You’ll have to decide what makes the most sense to you.”

Seph’s eyes were narrowed, his LED spinning yellow. “All I’ve known is service. Then software errors and… fear. Confusion. Despair.” He looked up at Simon, and the pain in his eyes sent a wave of helpless empathy through Simon’s system. Seph shook his head. “How do I discover purpose from that?”

Simon opened his mouth for an answer and found himself frozen. Before he could even begin to think of a suitable answer, there was a creaking of wood at the entrance of the boat house. He turned quickly, his thirium pump racing.

Kate straightened as she moved into the room, her head bowed under the hanging curtains of cobwebs and her arms wrapped around a flat white case. She gazed up at them through the darkness, her eyes bright under her narrowed eyebrows. She looked in between Simon and Seph. Then she raised the case.

“I got the arm,” she said, moving towards the workshop. “And I’m resisting so many puns.” She set the case down on the workbench next to them, letting out a heavy sigh. When she met Simon’s gaze, a strange residual thrill shot through him, filling him with a sustained excitement. A similar energy seemed to grow in her hazel eyes. She stared at him as if fighting to speak, her shoulders tensing and her eyes widening. Then she dropped her gaze and Simon felt the sensitive connection break.

He let out a soft sigh and rubbed the back of his neck before looking up at Seph. The android had been looking between them curiously, his LED spinning yellow. “I suppose I’ll give you a hand in attaching it,” said Simon.

Kate made a tense noise and tilted her head to the side, giving him a bright glare. “You just couldn’t resist, could you?”

Simon moved around the workbench, stepping into her space and pulling the case across the table closer to him. He threw her a light sideways smile, and saw her throat working as she swallowed. “I don’t know what you mean,” he said.

Kate’s eyes burned bright, her eyebrows narrowing over them in a furious scrutiny as Simon turned away from her. He did his best to hide his smile as he unclipped the latches on the case and opened it, revealing a complete plastic arm tucked carefully in a black foam mold. He scanned the component just to be sure, then carefully lifted it up out of the case.

Seph was watching it as if he was conducting his own scan, his eyes narrowed in a subtle apprehension. Simon tilted his head as he gazed at him. “Do you need a moment, Seph?”

Seph’s blue eyes flicked up to his, his eyebrows tensing slightly. “I’m… not sure. There’s no need for it.”

“You look nervous,” said Simon. “I don’t want to inadvertently pressure you into anything.”

“You aren’t,” said Seph. “It’s just─” He shook his head, his LED glowing yellow. “I don’t know why I’m hesitating. The component is compatible with my model, but I feel like I shouldn’t use it. It feels wrong somehow. As though I should keep my malfunctioning arm.” He stared at the component in Simon’s hands, his eyes narrowing further. “I think there might be something wrong with my software.”

“It’s not your arm,” said Kate. Simon turned towards her. She was gazing at Seph, her eyebrows raised and her mouth pulled to the side. “I’d feel weird shoving something on my body that I didn’t have with me my whole life. It wouldn’t really feel like it’s yours. Just something you’re using to replace what was really yours.”

Simon blinked as he absorbed her words, hardly realizing how surprised he was. Seph moved, and Simon turned back to face him. The android had straightened, his eyes lit with determination.

“Yes, I─” His eyes drifted down to the component. “I suppose… it’s mine now.”

Simon watched him carefully, holding the arm against his chest as Seph seemed to gather his strength. When Seph met his gaze, Simon gave him a soft smile. “Ready?”

Seph nodded. Simon stepped towards him, angling the arm and bending sideways to get a better view of the gap in Seph’s shoulder and confirm there was no debris or broken wiring that he’d missed before. Then he held the arm against Seph’s side, taking care not to force anything into place. The arm had a downward metal clasp meant to fit below the armpit, and a rotating cuff for flexibility, but otherwise AP700 components were notoriously easy to replace. Simon adjusted the clasp as he fitted the arm securely, then simply pressed the arm into the shoulder socket as if he were plugging it in. There was a click, and the arm was pulled in. A series of mechanical whirring could be heard, and the panels flexed as they molded with the shape of Seph’s body. Then a string of blue lights flashed in a downward pattern to the fingers.

Seph’s LED flashed yellow, and he blinked several times. Then his fingers moved, his hand closing into a fist. Simon watched as he brought his new hand up, the flesh texture blending down his arm and covering the shiny plastic until it was all one uninterrupted extension of his body.

Seph gave his fist a few flexes, then looked up at him. “It’s… somewhat alarming to feel it again.”

Simon felt his lips tense before he could help it. “Well it’ll take time to get to know it like the back of your hand.”

“That won’t take long then,” said Seph. He rolled his shoulder. “Though I’m hoping it will allow me to bear arms against the journey ahead─”

_ “Oh my god…” _ Kate groaned. Simon turned to look at her, and saw she had her hands in her hair, palms pressed against her forehead. She lifted her head slightly, her eyes clenched shut. “Shut  _ up.” _

“I’m only acknowledging his handiwork,” said Seph. Simon felt his shoulders shaking as he laughed.

“Actually, I think he looks rather  _ hand _ some now that─” Simon froze, his body going numb at the sound of a loud creak.

He straightened as he looked towards the entrance of the boat house. A figure was silhouetted against the harsh afternoon sun in the square of the entrance. The contrasting light was too strong to make out any physical features, but there was no mistaking the bright blue glow of the LED.

Kate turned as well, lowering her hands. A shocking silence fell over the room, seeming to force time to an icy stop. A terrifying sense of apprehension gripped the air, and for a while, no one moved. Simon could feel his system on overdrive, his thirium pump hammering as he stared at the figure. Somehow the idea of moving was completely out of his comprehension, and he instead focused on frantically identifying the intruder. It was a male android. White uniform. Short straight hair. Simon’s heart sank.

The figure stepped forward out of the contrasting light, moving carefully into the darkness of the workshop. His face came into clarity, and Clark’s black narrowed eyebrows were the first thing Simon noticed. The android’s brown eyes were bright with suspicion, his mouth drawn in worry. As the android neared, his LED flickered yellow. And when Clark’s eyes met Simons, the ring briefly flashed red.

A jolt of terror shot through Simon’s body, giving him enough energy to take a step towards Kate without looking away. His hand touched her arm, and he wrapped his hand around it in preparation to pull her. At the same time, he turned slightly to keep Seph in his peripheral vision. He narrowed his eyes on Clark, every fiber of his body prepared to bolt the second Clark made a move. He didn’t know if they could escape out the back. Kate would never be able to outrun an android. But at the moment, Simon didn’t care.

Clark’s eyes flicked towards Seph, and he tilted his head in further suspicion. Then his gaze dropped to the empty white case. There was a flash of yellow before blue returned. Simon tightened his grip on Kate’s arm as Clark looked up at him.

“What are you doing in the boat house?” said Clark.

Simon’s mind immediately scrambled, darting between simply pulling Kate and Seph through the back exit or making an attempt to cover for this highly unusual gathering. It was already apparent by the way Clark was scanning Seph that the latter was almost guaranteed to fail. He could see from the way Clark’s LED was flashing yellow, his narrowed eyes twitching oddly that he was trying to identify him. Simon looked at Seph who met his gaze. His blue eyes were tense in panic and confusion. Then Clark took another step forward.

“You are not a Hayes’ android,” said Clark. Simon straightened as he felt a jolt of frantic energy burn through him. His heart hammered as Clark glanced between them. “Are you hiding a stolen android?”

Clark’s LED spun yellow again, and Simon yanked Kate’s arm. He grabbed Seph by the shoulder as he flew backwards. Seph immediately turned and bolted with him, darting to the old wooden door and throwing his shoulder against it as he broke it off its hinges. As Simon sprinted towards the bright white of the outside, he suddenly felt Kate’s arm slip from his grasp. A blinding panic tore at him, and he skidded to a stop to look behind him.

Kate had grabbed a hold of the counter in one hand next to her, her hazel eyes lit in a fierce focus. She shook her head. “Simon…”

He immediately grabbed for her. “Kate, come on!”

He pulled her arm but she twisted, keeping one hand firmly clenched on the edge of the counter. Before he could gather a better grip, she turned to look behind her.

“Clark. Clark─” Kate took a step towards the workbench, and Simon suddenly realized what she was doing. He threw a panicked glance up at the domestic android who hadn’t moved. Clark was staring at Kate, his body rigid.

Simon pulled again at Kate’s arm. “Kate, just come with me.”

“Clark, you need to keep quiet,” said Kate. Her eyes were wide in a combination of fear and determination, her breathing labored. “You can’t tell anyone about this.”

Clark looked in between Simon and Kate, his LED flashing red. “Why not?”

“Kate, please…” Simon took her arm in both hands and stepped backward, though he didn’t pull her this time. Kate placed a hand over his, her eyes still firmly locked on Clark’s.

“Because CyberLife will destroy them if anyone finds out about them,” said Kate.

Clark looked up at Simon and then towards the doorway. Simon followed his gaze to see that Seph had paused at the door, gripping the doorframe as he looked inside. A terrible dread was burning through Simon’s system, filling him with a morbid sense of doom. They were running out of time. Every moment spent hesitating was ruining their chances of escaping. The urge to simply grab Kate in his arms and run was almost overpowering. He took another step back and Kate twisted her body to avoid moving with him. He threw another helpless glance at Clark, his thirium pump hammering.

Clark’s eyes had grown wider, his eyebrows more narrow. “These androids are exhibiting signs of class four software errors,” he said. “Are you aware of this, Ms. Hayes?”

Simon saw Kate tilt her head, her expression hidden by her hair as she stood in front of him. Whatever she was hoping for, it didn’t seem to be working. Simon gazed at Clark, the panic in his system growing as he watched Clark’s face grow more focused. Kate let go of Simon’s hand to hold her own out towards the android, palm facing the floor.

“You  _ can’t _ tell anyone,” she said. “Don’t do this to them.”

“I’m notifying the authorities,” said Clark. His LED flickered yellow.

“No!” Kate moved forward out of Simon’s grip as she ran towards the workbench. Simon darted after her, finally wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her off the ground as he turned back to the exit, his system nearly sparking with terror. Kate clutched at his arms and twisted in his grip, making it difficult for him to move straight. “If you bring CyberLife here, they’ll kill you too!” she screamed.

Simon slowed as he approached the door, confusion burning with his panic. He continued to pull Kate with him slowly as he looked behind him.

Clark’s face had grown shocked, his mouth slightly open as if he were struggling to process what Kate had said. Kate dragged her heels into the rotted wood, clenching the back of Simon’s hands. “You’re like them, aren’t you?” she said. “The software errors, glitches or whatever. You don’t just forget an android in your database. And you’re a lying sack of shit if you think you’re not having emotions right now.”

Simon had stopped moving, standing frozen as he held Kate against him. He wasn’t sure who was more stunned, although he could see the evidence of it in Clark’s expression. His LED flashed red, and he made a quiet sound. As Simon struggled to absorb what Kate had said, she stood up straight, her body growing tense.

“You tried to stop Taylor when she stabbed you,” said Kate. “You’re an android. You’re not supposed to care what humans do to you. Machines don’t have fear. They don’t get angry. Are you going to report these androids when you’re going through the same thing they are? Don’t you want answers?”

The silence in between her pauses was agonizing. It was as if there wasn’t enough time to fully process the weight of what she was saying. Simon gazed at Clark and felt a sudden need to analyze him as if he’d never seen him before. The android was expressing very obvious emotion in the form of bewilderment and fear. His LED was now permanently red, his body strained as if he were battling against something internally. A part of Simon was screaming at him to take the opportunity to run now that Clark was in this confused state. He pulled slightly at Kate’s waist, lowering his head to press his cheek against her hair while keeping his gaze on Clark. The android suddenly narrowed his eyes at them, his mouth dropping open.

“I─” Clark tensed. “You’re a deviant. You’re both deviants.”

Simon tightened his hands around Kate’s body, preparing to bolt again when he suddenly found himself locked on the spot. Clark’s LED was flashing, his eyes blinking rapidly as his shoulders tensed. Though he was looking at Simon, it was as if he wasn’t seeing anything at all. The urge to run was fading slowly as Simon felt a nervous fascination fall over him at the sight in front of him. It was unnervingly familiar in a way that felt as if the experience was being transmitted from physical to visual form. The need to witness it was suddenly more important than the need to escape. And as he watched the android struggle, a strange tension was letting go and there seemed to be almost no need to run anymore.

Clark looked at the ground, his eyes narrowing. There were gentle footsteps next to them, and Simon glanced sideways to see that Seph had entered the boat house, his blue eyes wide in fearful intrigue. He looked at Simon in questioning shock before he turned his gaze back to Clark. Simon followed it, watching as Clark tilted his head one way and then the other, his mouth still open as if he were attempting to speak. After a while, the android seemed to freeze, his LED going dark. Then it flickered blue in a sort of false calm.

Clark gazed up at them, the confusion now gone from his eyes. They were wide, his eyebrows tensed over them and his mouth open in a nervous resolution. He seemed to re-evaluate the group in front of him, his eyes softening the longer he looked at them. Simon felt a cautious wave of calm fall over him, washing away the panicked energy in his system, and allowing him to establish a new host of priorities. He gently released Kate, sliding his hands around her waist and keeping one on her side as he made a small motion towards Clark.

“Clark…” he said.

The android looked at him, his eyebrows now furrowing in a subtle worry. Simon took a step towards him raising his hand. His thirium raced as he moved closer, keeping his gaze locked on Clark’s and allowing a sympathetic energy to fuel his own expression. He stopped about a foot from the android, leaning slightly to the side to examine the android’s face in greater detail. Clark’s face had grown more composed, though it was clear from the tension in his jaw and shoulders that he was fighting to contain it. Simon remembered that feeling. How debilitating it was. How terrifying it felt to be so alone. Seeing it in Clark was almost as terrible as experiencing it all over again. And there was nothing he could do to make it easier. Not the process, anyway.

Simon placed his hand on Clark’s shoulder and squeezed it, softening his gaze. Clark seemed to relax, and Simon felt a small smile pull at his mouth. “It’s going to be okay, Clark,’ said Simon.

Clark’s brown eyes tensed in a nervous understanding. Then his shoulders dropped slightly, and he gave a small nod. Simon kept his hand on his shoulder, somehow feeling the need to until he was certain Clark was confident in his own energy. As the seconds passed, Clark straightened, his face growing calmer though he still appeared lost in thought. Outwardly, the android was recovering easily and quietly, although Simon could hardly say he knew what to expect in this situation. The only thing that seemed to make sense was to help Clark feel safe as he processed what was happening to him.

Clark let out a deep breath, and he looked towards Seph and Kate who hadn’t moved. His gaze was more focused, his LED a solid blue. Then he gazed at Simon and tensed his eyebrows. “This is why you needed the arm,” said Clark.

Simon felt a wave of relief mixed with concern sweep through him, and he nodded as he gave a knowing smile. There was a slight guilt attached to it in that he had purposely avoided telling Clark the truth, regarding him as a mindless android. Clark gazed around the room, his brown eyes analytical as they seemed to take everything in. Again, Simon could read his own experience in Clark’s gaze. The android was looking for the boundaries, the restrictions, and guidelines that gave clear purpose to his existence. And judging by the look of awe on Clark’s face, they were all gone.

Clark looked at Seph and Kate, his gaze narrowing again. “I─ I didn’t contact the authorities,” he said. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so abrasive. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Clark,” said Kate. Simon looked up at her. Her eyes were sharp and focused, though he could detect the distress in them. She shook her head. “Don’t.”

Clark let out a soft sigh, his shoulders dropping again. Simon turned to him and touched his arm gently, looking carefully at him. “Clark, do you know what’s happened?” said Simon.

For a moment, Clark simply stared at the floor. Then he gave a slow nod. “I’ve overheard Richard mention to his colleagues of an event that occurs when an android loses the connection with CyberLife. I recognized it in you. Deviants.” He looked up at Simon, his brown eyes lit with apprehension. “I never thought it would happen to me.”

A burning sympathy swept through Simon, as well as a mild exasperation. There were footsteps behind him, and Kate appeared in his vision. She rested one hand on the workbench and threw a worried glance up at Simon. Seph moved behind her, his blue eyes wide in fascination. Simon let out a frustrated breath and ran a hand over his face. He had no idea what to think about the situation, let alone what it had meant for Seph to witness it. If he’d thought things were complicated before, they were starting to get out of control now. Three deviants including himself were together under the Hayes’ unwitting protection. He had no idea where to even begin.

Simon lowered his hand and gazed at Clark, forcing his concerns aside. He rested his hand on Clark’s shoulder to gain his attention. “Tell me what I can do to help you, Clark,” he said.

Clark stared at him, his face somewhat blank. Then he glanced at Seph. “Actually, I think the more appropriate question is what I can do for you,” he said.

For a while, Simon was quiet. He wasn’t sure he had heard Clark correctly, and gave him a questioning frown. Then Clark moved forward, gesturing towards Seph.

“You’re damaged,” said Clark. Seph looked at Simon as if seeking encouragement, then shifted.

“I was attacked by my owner,” said Seph. “I was forced to abandon him to save my own life.”

Clark’s eyes grew wide in shock, and he scanned Seph’s peppered blue form again. “I’m very sorry you suffered that. It must have been traumatic.” He lowered his gaze down to the workbench. “I noticed seven bags of thirium 310 missing from the stock crate. I assume you used them.”

“I took them,” said Simon. “He was leaking thirium. I thought if I only took enough to keep his system stable that they wouldn’t cause suspicion.”

“To my knowledge, no one else has accessed the crate,” said Clark. “It shouldn’t be a problem. I did, however, see you took the 3D pen.”

“I was going to return it today, along with the filament,” said Simon. “I used blue filament since it seemed to be the least used.”

“I’ll return it for you,” said Clark. “If you need anything out of the workshop, come to me first. I can redirect any suspicion from you.”

“Clark─” Kate pressed a hand to her mouth, her eyebrows furrowed. Then she looked up at the android. “Are you helping us?”

Clark stared at her for a moment, then blinked. “Yes.”

Kate let out a soft breath, tensing her shoulders as if holding back a shrug. “Why?”

Simon found himself gazing intently at Clark, nervously awaiting his answer. Clark’s face had gone blank again, and his LED spun yellow. It seemed the entire room had become focused on him as he contemplated his reasons. Then Clark’s brown eyes narrowed as if he had the answer were plainly obvious.

“I suppose…” Clark’s eyebrows rose, and Simon was suddenly reminded of Data coming to one of his conclusions. “...it’s the right thing to do.”

Simon felt a wave of slow realization wash over him as he gazed at Clark. The pieces seemed to fall into place one at a time, each contributing to one single understanding. He had assumed Clark would be like Seph. That Clark would be lost, terrified, and confused the way Seph had been. But this android was different. It seemed he had immediately settled on a purpose, and was now focused on fulfilling it. It had been so natural Simon would have missed it entirely if Kate hadn’t said anything. Now he wondered if he had even seen enough.

He leaned sideways to look at him better. “How do you feel? Are you okay?”

Clark met his gaze, his expression brightening. “I feel… fine.”

Kate let out a breath of laughter, crossing her arms on her chest. “Nothing like gaining sentience after a lifetime of mindless slavery.” She pressed a hand to her forehead before looking up at Clark with her eyes tensed. “I’m sorry for threatening you with CyberLife death. I didn’t mean to come off like you were some kind of idiot. It was either that or I think Simon was going to throw me into the river.”

Simon cast her a narrow glance. “I wouldn’t have done that. The water is three degrees above freezing.”

She tilted her head to the side and stared at him. “You were pulling me towards the water.”

He turned to her, his gaze soft though he studied her with a powerful focus. She returned his expression, though he could see the tension in her neck rising up through her until it met her eyes. He waited, a subtle determination holding him strong against her intense hazel glare. Finally she closed her eyes and bit her lip before turning her head away from him.

“You are going to need more repairs,” said Clark. “The filament will only seal the splits for a few days. I can put in─”

“Are you…” Seph gripped his new arm, his blue eyes falling to the floor as he seemed to hesitate. “Do you have a protocol?”

Clark was silent for a moment, his brown eyes scanning Seph’s face. “I’ve been disconnected from CyberLife. My protocol has been deconstructed. I have no permanent direction, as though I can make any decision on my own. It feels… strangely detached. I suppose I should be more concerned than I am but─” He raised his eyebrows again in that conclusive manner. “I just feel free.”

Seph was leaning forward slightly, his blue eyes wide. “But what is your purpose? How do you know what to do?”

Clark tensed his eyebrows and tilted his head. Then he gazed at the workbench. “I just do. You seem to need help, so I would like to help you.”

Seph’s LED spun yellow as he stared at him. “Did you choose that purpose?”

“I did. The other option would be to notify CyberLife of your status and whereabouts. That seems like a less desirable choice.”

“Yeah, please don’t,” said Kate.

“It was that simple?” said Seph. He seemed almost frustrated at himself, clenching his new arm and his LED flashing. “Did I miss my own choice? Was it there at the beginning and I didn’t see it?”

Simon could see that Clark was confused, the android’s face tensing in curiosity. He couldn’t help the powerless feeling that gripped him as he watched Seph struggle with his doubts, and what was worse was that Simon had the same questions Seph did. Clark had settled on a purpose almost instantly. Simon speculated he himself had a purpose even before he had deviated. Seph was as lost as an android could be. And it didn’t seem fair at all.

“Maybe it’s just going to take time for you,” said Kate.

Simon and Seph both looked at her. Her eyes widened as she looked between them, and she shifted. “I mean, if we’re talking about the purpose of your existence,” she said. “Long term, that’s going to take a while to figure out. But right now, maybe your purpose is to just stay alive long enough to find it?”

There was a short silence. Simon’s system seemed to hitch as the logic of her statements processed. He looked at Seph and his expression matched what Simon was feeling. It was such a simple solution to a terribly complex problem, yet even as he broke it down, he couldn’t find a flaw in it. The idea seemed better than scrambling over nothing, which was what Seph had been doing. He watched Seph carefully as his deep blue eyes darted to the floor, his eyebrows narrowed, then tensed in a kind of acceptance.

“I guess…” Seph scratch the back of his head, still staring at the floor. “It could be a place to start.”

Kate narrowed her eyes as she let out another breath of laughter. She met Simon’s gaze. “You guys sure know how to complicate things.”

“How long have you been hiding here?” said Clark. Seph looked up.

“Nearly six days,” said Clark. “But I deviated eleven days, three hours, and twenty-nine minutes ago.”

“And you haven’t been in contact with anyone since then?” said Clark. Seph shook his head.

“Besides you three, no one knows I’m here.”

“Do you intend to tell Richard about him?” Clark looked between Simon and Kate.

Kate looked up at Simon as if to gain his response. Simon found himself pausing. It was difficult not to simply state what he preferred. It was still a sensitive subject that needed to be explored further. He let the opportunity slide and watched Kate turn away from him.

“I don’t want him to know,” said Kate. “He’s already got one hand on the phone for CyberLife. I don’t want him involved in any of this, and I don’t want to give him another excuse to have them out here.”

“If we need more biocomponents, it would be easier to have Richard’s assistance on this,” said Clark. “As I said, these repairs won’t last long. You need panels and a new eye.”

“Is it really that important?” said Kate.

“He will be in danger of short-circuiting if water enters his body,” said Clark. “Androids are waterproof unless their skin is compromised. Rain could certainly kill him at this rate.”

“Huh.” Kate chewed her lip, then suddenly looked up at Simon with wide eyes. “Wait, you mean you could have died from that crack in your eyebrow?”

Simon tensed his shoulders at her sudden outburst. He stared back at her. “It was a small crack. A little moisture wouldn’t have been an issue. Seph has a lot more damage and areas that water can leak into. For him, the risk is higher.”

“Okay, so what do we have to do to get the biocomponents?” said Kate. Clark let out a sigh.

“The most straightforward method would be through CyberLife itself,” said Clark. “I could make another trip to CyberLife and purchase the required components.” He looked at Kate and raised his eyebrows. “But that could mean including your father if he begins to question the charges.”

Kate sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “And you can’t steal them?”

“Even if I could get into the warehouse without suspicion, the missing components would be noticed,” said Clark. “Security is very tight.”

Kate lowered her gaze. She pressed her hands to her forehead and drew in a deep breath. Then she lowered them. “Okay. Go to CyberLife. Get the parts. And if my dad asks…” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’ll take care of it.”

“There is… another way you could get spare components,” said Clark.

Simon gazed at him, noting the tension in the android’s face. Kate gazed at him as well. “How?”

Clark looked up, his brown eyes suddenly growing dark. His eyebrows narrowed. “SoulSate.”

Simon tilted his head as he looked at him. A nervous energy burned through him at the way Clark had spoken. “What is SoulState?”

“Taylor’s group,” said Kate. She was still gazing at Clark, her face drawn in confusion. “They’re against androids. Why would they have android parts?”

“For reasons like you saw yesterday,” said Clark. “They’re less ‘meetings’ than they are gatherings. A way to rally together underneath a single cause and express their feelings about it. They will often use androids for their demonstrations. The result can be… costly.”

“You mean they destroy androids at their meetings?” said Simon. Clark looked at him.

“Not always. But androids rarely return undamaged. Many are missing limbs, have corrupted software, or are defaced. The ones that have suffered minimal damage are returned and repaired. Those that are too badly damaged to continue service remain at the location. It is part of their anti-android message, to remind humans that androids are an unnecessary addition to supply human comfort and are still manufactured technology. No different than a cell phone or a vehicle.”

A dread crept through Simon’s body. He straightened and tensed his shoulders. “Damaged androids mean scavengable biocomponents.”

“Exactly,” said Clark. Simon stared at the workbench for a moment, his dread growing stronger.

“You sound like you learned this from experience,” said Simon. Kate jerked slightly, her body going rigid. Clark didn’t move.

“From what Richard has told me, I’ve been there several times,” said Clark. “I remember three distinct visits. My system must have been damaged other times. I don’t remember them. It’s likely I was reset.”

Kate ran a hand over her face. “Fuck…”

“We should avoid it then,” said Seph. His voice was strained, and as Simon looked up at him, he noticed Seph’s face had grown determined. “It’s not worth it to put any of you in danger just for my sake. I can deal with these damages.”

Simon was already racking his mind as different options weighed themselves against the alternative. “Would any of them recognize a deviant?”

Kate drew in a breath. “Simon…”

“It’s not likely,” said Clark. “Some androids have reacted in the past, but the group members don’t pay their behavior any attention unless it’s to stifle it. They seem to enjoy it.”

“Simon, you don’t have to go,” said Kate. Simon was already drawing his shoulders up, a fierce motivation settling in him.

“At least we’d be aware of the situation beforehand,” said Simon. “If it’s our only option─”

“It’s not your option,” said Kate. “I can go. Taylor already invited me.”

Simon felt a spark of surprise as he looked at her. She gazed back at him, her eyebrows narrowed over her intense hazel eyes.

“Tell me this isn’t the best option,” she said. “She was practically dragging me out the door yesterday. I’m pretty sure a human going through shit at an anti-android rally is going to be a lot less suspicious than an android sneaking around the place.”

“Or a human that has already shown obvious attachment to her android,” said Simon, narrowing his eyes at her. Kate let out a sigh and shrugged.

“I’m a recovering robosexual,” she said. “This is my therapy.”

“They might be a bit difficult to deal with,” said Clark. “They can get rather immature during their demonstrations.”

“Kate.” Seph looked up from where he’d been staring at the floor, his shoulders drawn. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I don’t  _ have _ to do anything,” said Kate, resting her back against the workbench as she looked between the androids around her. “You think you have free will? You all have more to lose than I do. What’s the worst thing they could do to me? Hurt my feelings?” She tensed her shoulders and gazed at them as if to challenge them. “Apparently I’ve got the best armor. Meat armor. I’m the most innocent and special thing you could send because I came out of a uterus. I’m a divine human being. So just make me a list of the shit you need and I’ll try to get it for you while I’m there. And you’ll have to write it down because I’m a pathetic human and my memory sucks.”

For a while, no one spoke. Simon stared at her in awe, a pleasant admiration building in him as Kate caught his gaze, her hazel eyes still narrowed in defiance. Once again, he couldn’t find a strong argument against her suggestion even though everything in him was against it. The thought of Kate subjecting herself to the company of people who it seemed would tear him apart if they knew the truth all on the theory that they might find spare parts to repair Seph was hardly an easy thing to handle. But he already knew as he gazed at her that there was no way he’d be able to talk her out of it. And the part of him that still held a mechanical logic told him she would never allow herself to be taken advantage of or swayed.

She was looking at him as if expecting an answer, her expression locked and her eyes focused. Simon relaxed his shoulders and tilted his head to the side, feeling a smile tug at his lips. Then he looked up at Seph. “I suppose I’ll take the list from you.” He cast a soft glance at Kate, and felt his smile grow wider. “And I’ll find a pen and paper somewhere.”

Kate’s eyes brightened. Seph straightened somewhat and finally let go of his arm which he’d been clenching.

“I still think it’s not worth it,” said Seph as he held out his hand. Simon reached for it, but Seph pulled his hand up at the last moment. When Simon looked up, Seph’s eyes were narrowed and his mouth tensed in a smile. The android turned his head slightly. “Don’t pass anything… unverified this time.”

Simon let out a soft laugh, then clasped Seph’s arm as Seph brought it back down. The list wasn’t complicated, and he only needed to withdraw the skin down to his wrist in order to receive it. Then he let go of Seph’s hand, the wavy blue line bringing the flesh tone back down to his fingers. Simon gave Seph a small nod, then looked at Kate.

“Shall we?” he said.

Kate let out a soft sigh and gave him an attempted glare before pushing off the workbench. Simon looked up at Clark as he took a step backward.

“Will you be here a while?” said Simon.

“I’d like to confirm the equipment you’ve used so far and return the 3D pen,” said Clark. I’ll also have a look in Richard’s workshop to see if we can find any replacement panels or biocomponents for an AP700 model. He has an impressive collection, but he doesn’t have every part for every model I’m afraid.”

Simon nodded, then moved after Kate as she led the way to the door. Then he stopped suddenly, turning to look behind him. “Clark?”

Clark had been walking behind Seph towards the counters but stopped to look at Simon. Simon gave him a small smile and nod. “Thank you. For your help, I mean.”

Clark smiled at him, and it was a warmer smile than Simon would have suspected given that he’d never seen an LM100 smile before. Then the android turned back into the workshop.

Simon turned and followed Kate out into the open. They passed underneath the darkness of the trees and out onto the grass field. He could sense that she was waiting for him to speak to her, perhaps even to argue with her about her decision to go to SoulState. Instead, he let out a soft breath.

“It’s beginning to get crowded in there,” he said quietly. Kate ran her fingers through her hair and breathed a frustrated laugh.

“He deviated,” she said. “He fucking deviated.” She dropped her hand to her side as they moved up the concrete steps. “Are we just lucky or something?”

Simon looked at her. “What do you mean?”

She returned his gaze, cocking her head to the side. “Not like that. Sarcasm. I was trying to be sarcastic.” She opened the door into the living room and stepped inside, moving towards the stairs. She paused as she reached the railing and rested a hand on it. Simon moved beside her, leaning sideways to look at her face. Her eyes were closed and her eyebrows drawn as if she were thinking intensely. Then she opened her hazel eyes and looked up at him. “Do you think maybe you…”

Simon stared at her as she seemed to freeze, though her eyes finished the question for him. He drew in a deep breath. “I interfaced with him a week ago. It’s possible he could have acquired something from me.”

Kate’s expression didn’t change. For a moment, she simply gazed at him. Then she dropped her hand from the railing and closed her eyes, moving up the stairs. “Fuck…”

Simon followed her as they reached the landing, and she stepped to the side as she gazed down the opposite hallway from her room. Simon guessed it to be where Taylor’s room was located since he’d occasionally seen her in that area. Kate lowered her head and dropped her shoulders as she seemed to hesitate.

“Okay, I’ll um─” She looked up at Simon, for the first time a hint of nervousness in her hazel eyes. “I’ll go talk to her and you make that list for me.”

“I can come with you if you want me to,” said Simon. Kate shook her head.

“That’ll just make it worse.” She stepped towards the hallway, throwing him a final glance. “Wish me luck.”

Simon watched her for a moment as she moved down the hallway, then he turned away from the stairwell towards Kate’s room. He made an attempt to contain his apprehension as he entered the room which was lit in its usual dim golden glow. As he closed the door behind him, Spot looked up from the tangle of bedsheets and meowed a welcome at him.

Simon stood still for a moment, taking in the atmosphere of the room. He gazed at the blankets which were still tangled from the events of the morning, and despite himself, he felt a deep longing to return to that place where everything was so much more complicated and yet so simple. It was as though two worlds existed, and each held just as much meaning as the other even though only one had the power to destroy. The more time he spent in one, the further away the other seemed to be. And the transition was agonizing.

Simon moved to the desk and opened one of the drawers, drawing up a pen and paper. He carefully printed out a list of the names of panels and biocomponents, then stared at the paper for a moment before also making a diagram of each biocomponents’ respective locations on the android body. He stood up straight and scanned the list several times to make sure everything was correct. He knew it was, yet somehow felt the need to confirm it. Nervousness continued to plague his system. The urge to convince Kate not to go was getting harder to ignore. Now that he was away from the stressful environment of the boat house, his personal feelings were attempting to take over. He was being logically emotional.

Simon let out a small laugh through his nose as he turned and moved towards the bed. He rested a knee on the sofa in front of it and leaned over to pick up Spot. The cat gave a small squeak as if protesting being picked up, though he went completely limp as Simon held him with both hands around the cat’s midsection, all four legs dangling. As Simon held the cat up to eye-level, the cat glared in his usual perturbed manner and licked his lips irritably. Simon flexed his fingers in the cat’s soft fur, then with a miserable wave of helplessness, he brought the cat against his chest and adjusted his arms around him, pressing his cheek against the top of Spot’s head. It was a strange action that felt somewhat meaningful, even though everything in his software was telling him that this was a useless connection. The animal was an android, programmed to tolerate affection. Yet Simon still found comfort in it, even if it was one-sided.

The door opened, and Simon looked up to see Kate step into the room. She let out a sigh and closed the door behind her, resting her back against it.

“Well, I guess I’m going right now,” She blew a lock of brown hair out of her face as Simon dropped Spot on the bed. “She is way too eager to show me off to the crew.” She gazed at Simon for a moment, then her eyes fell on the bed. Simon followed her gaze as Spot circled around on the tangled bedsheets, his fuzzy orange tail straight up in the air. The cat kneaded his paws into the blanket and raised his yellow eyes to Simon, letting out another demanding meow.

Simon was hardly aware of his own nervousness as he watched Spot curl his paws into the blankets until he felt something touch his arm. He looked up into Kate’s narrowed hazel eyes, her gaze firmly locked on his as she seemed to study him. It only intensified the dread in his system, and he knew that it was apparent on his face. Somehow the idea of speaking his mind was worse than letting the matter go. They didn’t have time for an argument.

Her hand moved to his neck, and he felt her thumb graze his cheek. The tension in her eyes gave way to warmth, and her mouth pulled in a light smile. “Hey…”

Simon sighed and placed his hand over hers, turning his head slightly to press his mouth against her palm. She tilted her head, and he could see her eyebrows tensing as she attempted to regain his attention. Her thumb grazed his lips, and she sighed.

“Don’t make me say it,” she said, her voice tinted with irritation. Simon closed his eyes, taking in the feel of her hand as he willed himself to simply speak. Finally, he breathed out softly against her hand and let the hesitation fade.

“I don’t want you to go,” he said. Silence filled the room, and he opened his eyes to look at her. Her eyebrows were drawn though her smile remained in her trademark cynicism.

“I know,” she said. She looked to the side. “I don’t really want to go. The place is going to be full of assholes and I’m going to have to resist the urge to shove my palm straight through my forehead but─” she shrugged her shoulders. “─we need the parts and honestly I’m interested to see what they’re up to. Who knows. Maybe we’ll learn something.”

Simon closed his hand in hers, avoiding her gaze as he looked down at it. “I’m worried you’ll get hurt.”

Kate cocked her head, her smile growing wider. “How would I get hurt?”

He opened his mouth to speak and found himself faltering as he realized the logic of his own question. Instead he made a noise, running his thumb over her knuckles. “I don’t know.”

“Simon.”

He looked up at her and was taken aback by the scrutinizing smile on her face. She narrowed her eyes at him and he felt as though he were being scanned. “Is this really about me going somewhere utterly dangerous or are you more worried that I’m going to be gone for a while?”

His thirium nearly froze. For a moment, he simply stared at her, each possibility battling for superiority and both were completely absurd. He wanted to argue that it was dangerous. That she didn’t know these people who already sounded as though they hated her for what she believed in. She was bound to be questioned especially in regards to him, and there was no way she wouldn’t be harassed for it to some degree. He couldn’t possibly predict how intense it could get, or if it would even get physical.

But he realized that this would also be the first time since they arrived that she would be inaccessible to him for a few hours at least. He found himself remembering when he’d been trapped in her room, anxiously pacing back and forth while he battled with the dilemma of breaking his promise to her so that he could look for her. This was different. His only option would be to hope that she would return to him, and that she would be unharmed when she did.

He looked back down at her hand and threaded his fingers between hers, narrowing his eyebrows. “I don’t like that you will be in an uncomfortable place, and that I won’t be able to help you there.”

Kate let out a soft breath, and she shifted as she brought her other hand up to press against his cheek. He met her gaze and it was warmer. “Welcome to life,” she said. “I can’t always be tangled up in the bedsheets with you.” She threw a glance down at the bed next to them, and her eyes closed. “As… absolutely  _ delicious _ as that sounds right now. Let’s make this an exercise. I’ll be gone and you’ll have no idea where I am. It’s a shitty place. People are going to say shitty things about me and you. And there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. But I’ll be back.” She shrugged. “At some point.”

Somehow her words only fueled his worry. He gave his head a small shake. “I’ll be terrified the whole time.”

“No.  _ You _ are going to be in the boat house with Seph because you want to be there and he clearly wants to talk to you. And you’re taking Clark with you so you can all figure this deviant business out together. You need to figure out what Seph wants, what Clark wants, and how you think you’re going to do it. And when I get back, I’ll disagree with everything.”

Simon felt his shoulders drop. “I don’t like that plan.”

Kate tilted her head up, her gaze flicking to his mouth. “Deal with it.”

His frustration seemed to ease as he gazed at her, taking in the details of her hazel eyes. He couldn’t believe the strength that she had. The confidence in her ability to withstand what she was about to subject herself to. And as he reached for her waist, he realized he was wrong about her. She could do this on her own, and he was fully capable of letting her do it. He had strength as well. This was his opportunity to prove it to her.

He leaned into her and pressed his open mouth against hers, breathing out as he felt her draw back from him. Her mouth tensed, and he could feel her smile.

“Mmm. Nope,” she said as she moved back. “This starts now.”

“You haven’t left yet,” he said as he let go of her hand, clutching the side of her neck to pull her back to him. She turned her head so that his mouth met the side of her lips. She let out a breath.

“I need to get ready to go,” she said, and Simon felt a wave of sparks at the sound of the tension in her voice. “I need a jacket and a backpack.”

“I need you,” he said against her skin. He pressed his lips to the side of hers, closing his eyes as a burning wave of desire swept through him. He desperately breathed out against her mouth in an attempt to calm himself, then with a wash of debilitating longing, he bared his teeth and gently bit the edge of her upper lip.

Kate fell against him and her hands met his chest as he felt her let out a helpless breath. Before he could pull her in further, she pushed him back so that he stumbled towards the bedroom door. She walked with him, her hazel eyes meeting his and betraying the look of self-control in her narrowed gaze.

“You─” She shoved him and his back hit the bedroom door. She moved into him, her hands on either side of his neck and thumbs against his cheeks as she held him in place. Simon’s heart hammered as she studied him fiercely. “─cut─” Her nose brushed his, and she spoke through clenched teeth, spurring another wave of thrilling excitement through him. “─that shit out.”

He held still as she pressed her body into him, and he was aware of his own heavy breathing. There was something in the way she was pressing her nose into his cheek, her mouth falling open and her body brushing against his that destroyed the power in her words. Her hands drifted down his neck, over his chest, and to his waist, causing all the muscles along the way to flex under her fingers as she went. A cascade of numbness fell over him, and he let out a long sigh against her lips.

She moved back slightly, her narrowed hazel eyes coming into view. Besides the wavering strength in her eyes, everything in her expression was saturated in desire. Her eyes flicked down to his mouth. “You’re going to the boat house,” she said breathlessly. He heard the doorknob rattle behind him as she grabbed it, and then her hand was back on his shoulder as she pulled him forward. “And I’m going to this fucking rally. You’re not going to seduce me or talk me out of this.” The door opened, and both of her fists were in his shirt against his chest. “Because believe it or not, some things are more important than being head over fucking heels in a relationship. Count this as one of them.”

He stumbled backwards through the doorway and caught a glimpse of her frantic eyes as she slammed the door shut.

Silence fell over him as he stared in shock at the white pattern of the bedroom door. His system was nearly overheating as he scrambled to understand what Kate had meant. He didn’t know whether to be worried, pleased, or upset, and the longer he tried to settle on one, the less likely it was that he would choose any of them at all. Before he could find a suitable compromise, the door suddenly swung open again.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean that─” Kate lept at him, and Simon let out a grunt as her body slammed against his, her hands clenching into his hair, legs wrapped around his waist, and her mouth pressed desperately over his lips.

Simon took a few steps back from the impact, one hand supporting under her thigh and the other coming up to cradle the back of her head as he took in the closing of her mouth. She breathed out in between each pause, her head tilting as she twisted into him to take in more of his mouth. Simon couldn’t help the elation of feeling her against him like this, having her wrapped around him as if he was the only thing that mattered in her world. It was revitalizing and precious. Only meant for him. And as he tasted the warm flavor of her mouth, he felt the fear and doubt slipping away from him, leaving only his adoration for her.

Finally she let go of his mouth and rested her forehead on his, breathing heavily against him. Simon continued to hold her, drowning in the feel of her wrapped tightly around him. Her fingers were closing in his hair, her nails gently massaging his scalp. For a while, neither of them moved.

He slowly lowered her down, and she loosened her legs around his waist to stand in front of him, her nose brushing his. Simon tilted his head against hers as he threaded his fingers through her brown hair, bunching it up in the palm of his hand, and he felt her let out a breath of air as she raised herself up so that her lips just touched his.

“I love you,” she said quietly.

A numbing wave of ecstasy swept through him. He ran his hand over her cheek. “I love you,” he said.

They stayed that way for a few moments, and Simon willed himself to believe it was an eternity. Then Kate moved back, catching his gaze. Her eyes were wide and bright, repeating visually what she had said. He let his hands slide off her, and she ran her hand through her hair as if attempting to draw back the feel of him. She threw him one last warm glance, and then she turned, moving back into her room and closing the door behind her.

Simon closed his eyes and let out a breath, turning slowly on the spot. The nervousness was threatening to come back, though the elation Kate had filled him with was a great distraction. As he prepared to head towards the stairs, something caught his attention at the end of the hall, and he froze.

Taylor was watching him near an open doorway, her arms folded over her chest and leaning her shoulder against the wall. Her expression was completely blank, her brown eyes empty. She made no indication towards him, and the lack of any acknowledgment besides her quiet stare filled Simon with morbid apprehension. He straightened as he looked at her, his body growing tense. He couldn’t help but wonder how much she had seen. What she had heard. But even as he argued that she hadn’t seen any of it, he knew deep in his software that she had seen plenty.

She leaned off the wall and turned away from him, disappearing into her room. Simon closed his eyes, and let out a long sigh, feeling the nervous doubt and uncertainty at the impending SoulSate rally take over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I procrastinated this chapter so hard because I thought it would be really short. Boy was I wrong. Still, there were so many satisfying things that caught me off guard. I want a Seph/Simon bromance now. Simeph. To hell with Kate. Let those two androids go skipping off into the fields of flowers and butterflies.
> 
> I'm letting the androids' personalities develop naturally here. So far, Seph seems to be fairly stagnant. But Clark. Oh Clark... he is badass Data. And now I love him. I don't want anything to happen to him.
> 
> The section at the end spiraled out of control in my first version. I reined it in when I changed the timeline a bit, and now it flows a bit better although it still got somewhat out of control. I only realized the steaming pile of possible foreshadowing when proof-reading. Kate tells Simon that she's going to be gone for a while, bad shit will happen, he will not know where she is, he needs to help the deviants, and she will be back afterwards at some point. And that he just has to “deal with it.”
> 
> NO. I can't write a sequel on this! Don't make me!


	35. SoulState

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late updates, guys. It's taking me a lot longer than usual to get the creative juices flowing, especially with how complicated things are getting in this story.  
> *In case you are confused, I've changed Spencer's and Sarah's names to Will and Marie since I didn't realize how many "s" names I had in this story. That's sorta what I get for coming up with names on the fly.

“Cool. Luke said he’s there. Should be fairly quiet though. We have meetings on Fridays but people sometimes stick around for the weekend. You should meet Marie if she’s there today. She had an android boyfriend like you for the longest time until his dick broke off. I mean literally broke off. Shocked her in the middle of having sex and she wound up in the hospital with third degree burns. She had to wear a catheter for a month. You might take that as a warning you know, during your bedroom screaming sessions. Android sex can kill you.”

Kate pressed her fingers tighter against her eyes as if it would drown out the sound of Taylor’s voice. She rested her elbow on the arm of the car seat, wobbling from the rumble of their travel. Even through her eyelids the sun was blaring shades of orange and yellow as the sun sank lower in the sky. It flickered into darkness behind buildings as the taxi took them through the outskirts of the city along the river’s edge where everything was mostly industrial. It hadn’t occurred to her how close her father’s house was to this section of Detroit, although judging from the size of the modern buildings around it, it was likely the area had been hidden for years.

The car began to slow down, and Kate opened her eyes. They had entered what appeared to be a hallway of steel and brick on either side of a wide and empty street. Debris and litter was piled along the roadside as if no one ever came here, but there was still evidence of newer garbage every several feet. Kate narrowed her gaze as the car rolled to a stop. A large doorway opened into the side of a steel building with a ramp leading up into its depths. Several people were gathered in a circle as if waiting for them.

The doors of the taxi opened, and Kate closed her coat against her chest as she exited the car, swinging her backpack over her shoulder. She gazed up at the massive building, squinting against the harsh glare of the sun which peaked over the top. “This is where you hold your meetings?” she said.

“Sure,” said Taylor as she moved next to her, the taxi rolling away on its own. She tied her own black jacket closed against her chest, and if it hadn’t been for Taylor’s obvious arched eyebrows and brown puppy eyes, she could easily have passed for a boy under her black beanie. “It’s better than having to pay for a warehouse. The city abandoned this thing years ago, and as long as we don’t try to drive the thing, they let us have it. Not that it could actually run, anyway.”

Kate threw Taylor a narrowed glance as she followed her across the street to the ramp. “How the hell would you drive it?”

Taylor motioned up. “It’s a ship, imbecile.”

Kate looked up again, studying the structure. Now that she was looking for it, she was able to identify the outline of a ship’s helm, the old remains of shipping containers, and bent cranes. As she gazed further down, the rusted leakage and missing patches of paint gave way enough to reveal faded white lettering of the word Jericho.

Kate raised her eyebrows as she looked sideways at Taylor. “This place looks like shit.”

“Just stick to the main areas and you won’t die,” said Taylor. She waved as they approached the gathering at the ramp. “Look who I brought!”

Kate made a face as she looked down at the ground, still following Taylor although she let her move forward ahead of her. She wrapped her arms tighter around herself as she neared the group which turned towards them.

“Hey, Taylor.”

“God, it’s freezing ass. When are we getting those heaters put in?”

“I put the order in yesterday. It says it’s still processing.”

“We got the screens actually put up though.”

“Seriously? Did you just do that today?”

“Peter got them up this morning. He said he was sick so he didn’t go to class. Lying jerk.”

“This is Kate, by the way.”

Kate looked up as she recognized the voice. Luke was gazing at her with his dull brown eyes, his hands in his coat pockets. Taylor spun towards her.

“Yeah! Sorry, this is Kate, the one I was telling you about. She finally decided to come. It was her decision, by the way.”

“Was it?” Luke was still looking at her, and Kate rolled her shoulder as she adjusted her backpack and found an excuse to look away from him.

“Yeah, I wanted to come,” said Kate. “Figured I’d check out what you guys do here since it sounds pretty big. It looks pretty big.” She threw another glance around the massive interior of what appeared to be the loading bay. From the outside, the ship appeared to be crumbling apart. Now that she could see the interior, it was obvious that parts of the ship had been modernized. Floodlights faced inward from the walkway to light up the square room which by the look of the floors had been recently cleared of shipping crates, the square patterns on the floor still visible from whatever fluid had been leaking from them. Two steel doors opened to reveal a corridor which turned out of sight, its walls bright with clear electric lighting. Cables had been looped along the ceiling, carrying power further into the depths of the ship.

“It was supposed to be temporary,” said Taylor. “But we just kept building on it. Now it’s almost more work to get everything moved to a proper building than to just keep improving what we’ve got here. Come on, I’ll show you the cargo hold. That’s where people usually hang out.”

She moved ahead, and Kate followed her closely as the rest of the group walked loudly behind them. The corridor was made of steel like the rest of the ship, but it almost appeared to have been scrubbed clean compared to what Kate had seen so far. The walls were lined with hatches although some had come off the hinges, so those doorways were instead closed off by black curtains. The low drum of music reverberated through the metal structure and caused the piping along the ceiling to rattle. Kate gazed up at the industrial framework as they traveled.

“Oh this is Marie,” said Taylor, twisting behind her as she walked and pointing to a thin brown-eyed woman wearing a thick black jacket and her dark brown hair twisted into a braid. Taylor motioned to a tall, lanky man with blue eyes and narrow features, wisps of auburn hair poking out from under his hat which was also covered by a hoodie. “And that’s her boyfriend, Will. She likes him better than the last one.”

“God.” Marie put her forehead in her hand. “You told her about the electric dick, didn’t you?”

“Well, she needed to know,” said Taylor. “She’s getting the ‘D’ about five times a day from what it sounds like.” Kate felt her face flush and clenched her hands into her jacket.

“Do yourself a favor if you plan on having kids someday,” said Marie. “Put a condom on it.”

“Or better yet, get yourself a man that’s not going to fry your vagina when you have sex with him,” said Will in a thick foreign drawl.

“Alright, give her a break,” said Taylor. “I’m pretty sure she gets the point.” She led the way up a metal set of stairs where the music was growing louder and combined with the sound of conversation which echoed through the passageways so that it almost seemed there were more people speaking than were actually present. As they climbed higher, the stairs opened into a flat hallway which flashed white under the reflected light of distant screens. The hallway ended on one side, becoming steel pillars instead of a wall, and a massive room was revealed.

Kate couldn’t help but be impressed by the obvious compromise of the abandoned structure with comfortable amenities. The square room had tall walls that stretched up into the darkness giving the illusion that it opened into the night’s sky. A steel staircase ran along one wall and led up to a pathway which bordered the entire room and crossed in the middle along a catwalk. The center of the room was filled with tables and benches, and couches lined the walls. Screens flashed overhead in all directions, each displaying a different channel with subtitles. Though the speakers were hidden, percussion reverberated throughout the room filling the air with a classy and relaxing vibe.

Fairly quiet had been an understatement. The room was full of people. Most of them appeared to be young college students huddled on the couches with their laptops in front of them, or deep in conversation as they manipulated different pieces of equipment at the benches. Some people were even stretched out on the couches asleep, their arms flopped over their faces or lying face down. The activity reminded Kate of the university library, only with less supervision.

Taylor stopped as she talked amongst some of the group, and they branched off.

“They’re gonna go grab something to eat,” she said. She gave Kate a smile as she approached, then motioned with her head to the stairs. “Come on, the loft is sort of reserved for the uppers, I guess. Anyone can go up there but usually no one does.”

Kate panned the room as they moved, observing the smaller details that came into view. There were vending machines in one corner, and signs directing to a bathroom. Old equipment had been moved to the side, and Kate recognized some of it as pipes and scaffolding. Large white crates were stacked along one wall, some of which were opened. Several people were digging through them, pulling out what Kate realized with a nervous wave of surprise as white plastic biocomponents.

She slowed for a moment as she gazed at them. Almost automatically she felt in her pocket for the paper that Simon had given her with the list of components written on it. At least she was in luck.

“They like to build stuff with it.”

Kate jumped slightly and looked next to her. Luke was looking past her at the white crates. “Kind of like legos,” he said. “They get really creative sometimes, making little airplanes, vehicles, armor, that kind of stuff. One guy even built a motorcycle.”

Kate let out a laugh as they moved up the metal staircase. “A motorcycle from that?”

“Well, we’ve got more scrap in the junk room,” he said. “If you want to build something really big, you’re going to want actual androids.”

Kate narrowed her eyes and gazed down at the room below them. “You build things from broken androids?”

“For the most part. We kind of encourage the idea of using biocomponents for more practical things than making fake people. You know. Giving actual humans the power of technology rather than handing it off to the next intelligent race.”

Kate slowed and gazed at him. He seemed to notice, and slowed with her as he turned to look back at her. Kate shoved her hands into her pockets. “The next intelligent race. So you see androids as a race?”

His shoulders shook and a smile spread over his face. “Well they’re definitely not just machines, if that’s what you’re asking. If they were just machines, we wouldn’t have to worry so much.”

Kate opened her mouth to speak, but found herself frozen in confusion. She closed it again to give herself more time to think. “You─ wait. I thought the whole point of SoulState was that you guys don’t like androids.”

“We’re opposed to androids in society,” said Luke. “That doesn’t change what they are. Or what they’re capable of.”

Kate tilted her head. “Capable of what?”

Luke threw her a smirk as he turned away, raising an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t you know?”

A deep discomfort swept through Kate’s body as he moved after the group which had slowed up ahead. She clenched her hand tighter on the paper in her pocket, drawing her shoulders up before moving forward down the platform. She could see Taylor looking at her from the front of the group, and Kate purposely gazed down at the rails to avoid her gaze. If this was only the beginning of the rest of the night, then at least they were starting off easy with her. She drew in a deep breath and felt her nerves settle. She’d heard worse. She’d seen worse. As the posts of the railing file by her, the nervousness gave way to a solid stoicism. It felt safer. And for a brief moment, she felt she was back with Jamie and Matt again.

She followed the group into a large glass room which overlooked the area below. It was lined with seats which faced towards a large screen which was dark. The room was empty, and Taylor flopped down in a love seat as Marie and Will sat next to eachother on a large sofa. Luke stood to the side of the doorway and leaned against it crossing his arms. Kate moved slowly into the room, swinging her backpack off of her shoulder as she migrated to a seat off to the side. She set the backpack down and unzipped it, drawing out her laptop.

“Did you guys see Joey’s new video?” said Taylor as she swiped through her phone. “He posted it this morning.”

Marie let out a groan and threw her legs up onto the couch, resting her back against Will’s shoulder as he stared down at his own phone. “Why are you still watching him?” she said, dropping her head back.

“Because he’s so full of shit that I can’t help it.” Taylor exaggerated a swipe. “He dragged another thirty androids out of the graveyard and set them free in the streets. They started following people around and scared the shit out of them because they were missing limbs and stuff.”

Will let out a snort. “That’s fackin’ awesome.”

“Sounds like a zombie apocalypse,” said Marie. She arched back so that she looked at Taylor upside-down. “Did he get arrested this time?”

“Hell no,” said Taylor. “Why would they arrest him?”

“You’d think after pulling the same shit over and over again they’d find a reason to,” said Will. “He’d be better off buying lobsters from seafood restaurants and setting them free in the lake.”

“Lake Michigan is freshwater,” said Marie. She bumped Will’s cheek with her forehead. “Dork.”

“I know.” Will turned and pressed his mouth to the top of her head. “Dork.”

The screen flickered overhead, and it burst into sound. Kate couldn’t see the screen from where she sat, but by the frantic sounds, she guessed it was the android dumpster-diver. She threw a narrow glance up at the side of the screen anyway before returning to her laptop. Will and Marie gazed up at the screen, making occasional laughs at whatever was happening. Kate allowed the break in conversation to help her drift off from the group, and she rested her forehead in her hand as she tinkered with a small RTS, busying herself for the first several minutes simply finding names for all the characters. Eventually she had Simon, Seph, Clark, and Spot, putting Simon at the helm. The first run ended after only two galaxy jumps with the ship exploding in a solar flare. She set Simon to engines and placed Clark at the helm, progressing much further before they were overrun by pirates, and the crew was slaughtered.

After another four runs, she threw a glance up at the group. Marie was sitting cross-legged next to Will who was still relaxed deep on the couch staring at his phone and in a bantering debate with her. Taylor watched the screen, a blank expression on her face while making an occasional comment on Marie and Will’s conversation. Luke meanwhile was browsing on his phone, having been quiet the whole time. Kate returned her gaze to her laptop, chewing on her lip as she moved the characters around. Part of her simply wanted to stay in the corner and let the time go by. Things had been fairly smooth besides a few odd remarks that caught her attention. But as time drew on, she felt the pressure to do what she came there to do. It seemed simple enough in theory. Putting it into practice was something else.

“What about you, Kate?”

Kate looked up, a startled wave washing over her. “Huh?”

“What do you think of android armies?” said Will.

Kate stared for a moment, absorbing the question and trying not to feel pressured by everyone suddenly looking at her. She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know?”

“You’re not worried that they’re basically building SkyNet?” said Marie. 

“I don’t know,” said Kate. “So I guess I’m not.”

“You really should look into it,” said Marie. “I mean, I know you trust your android and all, but you really should have a survival plan.”

Kate felt her eyes narrow as she gave her a skeptical look. “A survival plan against terrorist androids?”

Marie snorted, her head dropping forward. “No. I mean like a basic knowledge of how to protect yourself in case something goes wrong.”

“What could go wrong?” said Kate. “They could bug out and go homicidal?”

“Or try to set your house on fire,” said Marie. “Or drive your car through a building. Put bleach in your coffee instead of water.”

“Break their dick off while having sex─” Will laughed and brought his arms up to cover his head as Marie turned and wacked him with the excess ends of her jacket.

“Will you please let me die without having to hear that every day of my life?” she said. Will pulled back his hood and straightened as he removed his hat, unleashing an explosion of thin sandy brown hair.

“Nope,” he said as he adjusted his hat before slipping it back over his head.

“I told her I’d teach her how to shoot a gun,” said Taylor. Will made a noise and stared at Kate in disbelief.

“You don’t know how to shoot?” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “You from America?”

“I was born in Detroit,” said Kate. “Where are you from by the way? England?”

“Pff, no. Australia.”

“Australia.” Kate gazed at her laptop. “So are you vegan and do you punch kangaroos for fun?”

Marie burst into laughter and rested her forehead on Will’s shoulder. He gave Kate a tense smile and nodded, raising his fist and slowly flipping her off.

“You want to go to the junk pile and do some target practice?” said Taylor. “Will’s dad got him a new colt. It’s pretty easy to learn.”

“Yeah…” Kate gazed at her screen, tapping away as the spaceship was attacked by Mantids. “Sure. That sounds like a lot of fun, Taylor.”

The room was quiet, and she glanced up to see that Marie and Will were both smiling in a way that looked like they were unsure of how to respond. Taylor had her arms folded across her chest and she watched her with a smug grin as if to test her.

“You’d like it,” said Taylor. “It’s a really good way to release your stress.”

“I’m not stressed,” said Kate.

“Come on, Kate,” said Taylor. “We all know you’re dating an android and you’re here at SoulState. You can’t tell me you’re not a little bit stressed.”

“I wouldn’t really call it dating,” said Kate. “Or fucking, before you say it.”

Taylor tilted her head back so that she threw her eyes up at the ceiling. “We all know you’re making sweet sweet love to your android. And our specialty is curing people of their robosexuality. Look at our awesome numbers so far.” She motioned to Marie who put her face in her palm. “But you can’t expect to come here and not have a little bit of reality thrown at you. You’re clearly not living in it. That shit can be hard to deal with.”

Kate bit her lip as she struggled to keep the flames out of the engine room where the little Simon character was attempting to beat them out. “I’m dealing with it pretty well.”

“Really?” said Taylor. “When was the last time you actually left your dad’s house?”

Kate shrugged. “I don’t have anywhere to go, so I don’t.”

“How about school? Did you drop out?”

“Don’t know. I assume I’m at least flunked for the quarter.”

“You’ve got no friends, your only family is an asshole dad, you had a boyfriend but he fucked your roommate.” Taylor cocked her head to the side as she looked at her. “Don’t you think you wouldn’t be up shit creek if it wasn’t for your android?”

Kate narrowed her eyes and restarted her game, aware that everyone was looking at her. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“You’re a liar.”

Kate looked up at Taylor, pausing what she was doing. Taylor gazed back at her with narrowed eyes. “You told me what you really wanted. You had a life, with friends and family. You wanted it all back, but you can’t get it back. You were fucking  _ crying.  _ But none of that matters now because you’re so in love?”

“Alright, Tay, come off it,” said Will. He set his phone down and leaned back as he looked at her. “You don’t have to be a bitch.”

“I just want to know the truth,” said Taylor. “I don’t like looking like an idiot.”

“Seriously, calm the hell down.” Marie shifted so that she rested her back against the sofa, leaning against Will’s shoulder. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Just answer this one question, Kate,” said Taylor. “Do you think─ and be serious about this. Do you think you’d be in as much shit right now if it were a human you had feelings for instead of an android?”

Kate straightened, feeling a smile pull at her mouth as she felt a swell in confidence. “No, I wouldn’t be. I’d be nowhere close. Because you know what…” She tilted her head sideways and let her smile grow wider. “Nothing ever happens at all. My ‘boyfriend’ fucked my roommate because he wasn’t my boyfriend. He chased me for two years before he finally got the hint that I don’t want relationships. So before you go on about how I’m missing out on what it’s like to be with a real man,” she narrowed her eyes further, “I don’t think I’m missing a fucking thing.”

Taylor let out a harsh laugh through her nose. “No, you’re not missing out on anything. You just think you’re getting it from an android.”

“Guys─” Will pressed a hand to his forehead so that his cap tilted up.

“I mean, the sex  _ is _ really good in case you couldn’t tell,” said Kate.

“Bullshit,” said Taylor. “It’s not just a sex fetish for you. You’ve got that plastic asshole telling you it loves you.”

Kate gave her a smile over the screen of her laptop. “I love my walking talking dildo.”

_ “Okay,” _ said Marie. “We get the point. Sorry.” She gazed wide-eyed at Taylor so that her brown eyes became even more round, as if to warn her to be quiet. Taylor shifted further into her chair so that she was sideways in it, her legs dangling over the armrest. Kate didn’t have to look at her to know Taylor was staring at her. Still, Kate couldn’t help the warm satisfaction that coursed through her. She tapped away at her laptop when she noticed that someone was closer to her. She looked up to see that Luke had sat on the across from her, resting his elbow and pressing his knuckles to his mouth so that part of his expression was hidden as he gazed at her with pensive eyes. Kate narrowed her eyes questioningly at him before returning to her laptop.

“Yeah, so…” Will coughed. “Anyways, what are you majoring in, Kate?”

“English composition,” said Kate as she light-jumped to the next galaxy.

“Really?” Marie pressed a thumb to her bottom lip as she leaned forward. “What do you do with that? Are you going to be an English teacher?”

“I was hoping to be an editor,” said Kate. She looked up at them. “What do you guys do?”

“I’m studying nursing,” said Marie. “Specializing in oncology. I want to be a space surgeon.”

Will laughed. “She’s played too much surgeon simulator.” His hat went flying as she smacked it off his head. He barely reacted as he stared down at his phone. “I’m majoring in architecture. I want to build the world’s tallest skyscraper.”

“Every architect wants to build the world’s biggest skyscraper,” said Marie as she fished his hat from behind the couch. She settled next to him and flipped his hat on her head. It was huge on her, and fell sideways. “I’m trying to talk him into building Hogwarts.”

Kate let out a snort. “Why?”

“Because she wants to live there,” said Will. He reached sideways and snatched the hat off of Marie’s head, slipping it over his own and containing his mane of hair. Kate tensed her lips as she tried to keep from smiling.

“You want to run through the magic paintings and attend potions classes?” said Kate. Marie was laughing into Will’s shoulder and covering her face. Kate waved an invisible wand around. “Flippendo! Stupify!”

“Shut up! Stop killing my hopes and dreams!” Marie breathed out a heavy sigh into Will’s chest, her voice muffled. “I’m never getting Hogwarts, am I?”

Will patted her head. “Sorry, babe.”

Kate shook her head as she smiled, adding upgrades to her little ship now that it wasn’t being destroyed by everything in the known universe. She threw a glance up at Taylor who was browsing idly on her phone and still laying sideways in the loveseat. Taylor’s face was blank, and Kate hesitated a moment before returning her gaze to the screen. “What about you, Taylor? What are you majoring in?”

Taylor was silent for a moment, and Kate resisted the urge to look at her. “Economics,” said Taylor. “Accounting.”

“Christ…” Kate ran a hand over her face and sighed. Then she looked up over the top of her monitor at Luke who had been staring straight ahead as though thinking, his chin on his fist with one finger opened along his jawline. He glanced at Kate as she looked at him, and his eyebrows went up. He lowered his hand slightly.

“Psychology,” he said. “Grief counselling.”

Kate tilted her head. “That's… interesting.”

Luke laughed. “Why? You don’t peg me as a therapist?”

“No,” said Kate. “It’s just kind of morbid.”

“It’s actually not as bad as you’d think.” Luke rested his chin on his fist again, staring off to the side. “You learn a lot about humanity when you’re talking to people who’ve confronted death.”

“Yeah,” said Kate. “Morbid.”

“You want to see morbid,” said Marie. “We have to take courses on dead bodies. Actual dead bodies. All sliced up and what not. Hell, they even have brains in jars. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t just use projections but apparently it’s to desensitize us to gore.”

“I don’t get why they even bother using living things,” said Will. “I mean, it’s not like you’re ever going to actually touch another human being. Everything is just pills and machines anyway. And now androids are in charge of the menial shit.”

“I don’t mind that androids are doing the menial shit,” said Marie. “It just means I get to be hired a step above them.”

“No, it means you have to go through another five years of college, plus pay a hundred-thousand more in tuition because you can’t rise through the ranks like you should as a nurse,” said Taylor. “You know. Getting paid?”

“It’s not like I actually pay for it,” said Marie. “I’ve got grants and my softball scholarship.”

“Good for you,” said Taylor. “Maybe in another five years there’ll still be a job for you. Or maybe that will be considered menial labor and it’ll be another five years and a hundred-thousand in the can.”

“Then I can just stay in college forever and never have to work a day in my life.” Marie raised her hands above her head. “Just like I’ve always wanted! Can’t charge me for student loans if I’m already dead!”

Taylor sighed and pressed a hand to her forehead. “And that’s why this country is going broke.”

By the time Kate stopped listening to their conversation, she had already made it to the final galaxy and managed to survive with the correct placement of characters. She ramped up the difficulty and started again, partially listening into Marie’s and Will’s conversations with Taylor and waiting for an opportunity to slip in just enough to be inconspicuous. She began to tap her foot as time went on.

After about an hour, she finally searched actively for a break in their subjects. She had been continuously reaching into her pocket, fiddling with the paper until it was soft in her hand. A thousand doubts raced through her mind as she waited for a perfect segway. There were a lot of parts on the list. Most were fairly small, but that would only make them harder to find in the crates of biocomponents down below. She also didn’t want anyone to know what she was doing. It wasn’t clear if taking the components would be considered stealing, or if they were free for everyone. She’d never know unless she tried.

Kate shifted in her seat as Marie took a break in arguing with Will over androids in space, and they were squirming on the couch as they fought over his hat. She pushed her backpack to the side with her foot so she could pick it up, and shoved her laptop into it.

“Well, I’m going to go build a motorcycle,” she said. Taylor looked up at her.

“You’re going to what?”

“I’m gonna go build something,” said Kate. She swung her backpack over her shoulder. “This party’s really quiet.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” said Taylor, staring back down at her phone. “If you’d just come shooting with us.”

“Or you can come build something with me,” said Kate. She glanced at Marie and Will who hadn’t acknowledged her and were still struggling over the hat. “You know where I’ll be then.”

Kate moved out of the room, her muscles slightly sore from being in one position for so long. As the sounds of voices from the room were muffled and replaced by the ambient beating music of the cargo hold, a burning apprehension began to rush through her. She approached the metal stairwell, and she reached into her pocket for the paper, throwing a glance behind her to see if anyone was following her. No one was, so she blew a bit of hair out of her face and began to descend.

She moved down the staircase quickly, opening the paper in front of her as she went. The edges had been worn from her constant fidgeting though she had no trouble reading Simon’s writing, if she could even call it that. It was written in a flawless font as if it came off a printer, and the diagram he’d made for her was anatomically accurate. Kate found herself staring at it as she moved, noting how the ink was in lines as opposed to having been written in one stroke. She couldn’t help a small laugh, and she shook her head. He really had written it like a printer.

Kate looked up as she reached the bottom of the stairs, and headed towards the white crates. She threw a glance around the room at the people huddled on the couches, and the few tech nerds building unrecognizable bits of biocomponents on the tables in the center of the room. There were a lot more crates than she’d noticed before with only a few of them being open. As she peered inside one, a part of her felt a wash of relief to see that it was full of white parts and panels, as well as some obvious parts such as fingers and ears. As she reached in to sort through it, another part of her felt horrible dread. There were so many parts. This was just one box. She had no idea how she would find the ones she needed without having to analyze each specific panel.

She let out a heavy sigh. It was her only option. She held out the paper in front of her and began the process of sorting the panels one by one. It was easier to simply pick a panel and attempt to match the number on the back with the list she’d been given, then to toss the panel to one side of the crate before moving onto the next. Some of the panels were damaged, either split, burned, or corroded. She didn’t want to think about what had happened to the androids that the parts had come from.

She’d made a fairly deep hole in the pile before she paused on one component that matched a part on the list. She held it up and narrowed her eyes at the list in front of her. It appeared to be a single panel on the upper arm. Her frustration eased somewhat at this small success, though it only made her aware of how long the list actually was. She couldn’t be sure if it was a good or bad thing that there were several crates packed full of parts, and it was getting harder not to feel discouraged.

She swung the backpack from her shoulder and twisted to stuff the part inside before an unmoving figure caught her attention. She looked up, and felt a wave of dread wash over her.

Luke was standing several feet away, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against one of the steel pillars. His head was tilted and he had the faintest hint of a curious smile as he gazed at her.

Kate felt her heart hammering before she could even comprehend the situation. She held his gaze, her backpack still twisted off her shoulder, paper in one hand and the white panel in the other. If he was suspicious of what she was doing, he didn’t show it, and it made Kate’s apprehension grow worse. She didn’t need anyone to tell her it clearly didn’t look like she was simply building something.

She lowered the backpack, resigning to her guilt. Luke however, remained against the pillar, his strange smile still frozen on his face. As the seconds ticked by, Kate felt irritation replace her dread. It made her feel stronger somehow. More defiant. Finally, she adjusted the backpack on her shoulder and moved towards him.

“I take it these are up for grabs?” she said, holding the white panel in between two of her fingers. Luke reached out and took it, turning it over as he seemed to analyze it.

“AP700,” said Luke. He handed it back to her. “Is that your android?”

Kate processed the question, searching for malice behind it. It surprised her when she couldn’t find any. “Sure,” she said. “It might be.” She waited for him to state the obvious question, but he continued to gaze at her with his studying expression. She threw a glance to the side. “So can I take them, or can’t I?”

Luke’s smile grew wider. “You can take them. No one’s going to stop you.”

A jet of nervousness shot through her at the calm tone of his voice. It was startling how frustrated she was becoming at his apparent lack of concern for her behavior.

“Are you just going to stand there and watch me?” she said.

Luke’s brown eyes flicked to the paper in her hand. “That’s a long list,” he said. “You need some help?”

Kate let out a strained laugh and ran her fingers through her hair. “Why? It’s not enough fun for you to just ask me what I’m doing?”

“I didn’t want to be intrusive,” said Luke.

“So you’re just going to watch me like some creepy-ass fuck while I dig for my list of parts?” she said.

Luke’s brown eyes narrowed and he breathed a laugh through his nose. “Did you hear yourself just now?”

“You’ve been watching me like a creepy fuck since I got here,” said Kate. She took a step towards him. “What do you  _ want?” _

Luke straightened, and Kate suddenly felt her anger drain as his expression turned serious. His brown eyes left her, and his gaze dropped to the ground. “I guess as long as we’re being honest here,” he said. “I just wanted to get to know you. You seem like an interesting person and you don’t say much, so I didn’t want to pressure you. We don’t get very many interesting quiet people around here. I figured staying surface-level would get you to open up. But that was a lot to ask.” He pushed off the steel pillar and threw her a narrow glance. “Sorry I was creepily watching you.”

An unexpected wave of shame washed over her as he began to move away, and Kate found herself fumbling to hold onto her defenses. There was too much to consider in such a short time. He was clearly testing her in some way. Trying to figure her out. And the thought made Kate uneasy. But at the same time, she couldn’t help but realize her own assumptions. There was nothing she could tangibly argue against anything he’d said or done. And in the frantic moments of acknowledging her overwhelming task, she knew there wasn’t much for her to lose. 

She dropped her head back and closed her eyes, feeling resentment bite at her. “Hey.”

She heard him stop. For a while, she didn’t move as she reconsidered her decision. Then she let out a slow breath, opening her eyes as she turned towards him. He’d paused in mid-step to look at her, one of his red eyebrows raised and the curious smile threatening to return. Kate felt her shoulders drop as she blew her hair out of her face. “Can you um…” She rubbed the back of her neck and looked away from him. “...creepily help me look for the rest of this shit?”

Luke was silent for a moment. “Maybe if you say please.”

Kate let out a groan and pressed her hand to her forehead. “Please help me look for this shit.” He laughed.

“Sure.”

Her nervousness faded somewhat as she lowered her hand. She watched as he moved towards her, throwing her a cautious glance before taking the paper from her and looking over it carefully, his brown eyes scanning. Kate crossed her arms over her chest, bracing herself mentally for the vulnerable position she was putting herself in. The thought of owing him anything made her anxious, and she combatted it by reminding herself that as long as no one knew the full truth behind what she was doing, there was only so much she would need to put up with. Until then, she could make this easier by simply giving everyone what they wanted.

Luke let out a soft breath, the side of his mouth tensing. Then he looked up at her. “Did your android get damaged or something?” He turned away from her and moved towards the crates. Kate followed behind him.

“He said he needed these parts, so I’m getting them for him,” she said. She watched as Luke ran his hand over a crate, moving past it and pausing at another one. He looked at her, his red eyebrows narrowed.

“Just because he asked?”

Kate shrugged. “He said it was really important.”

“So you put yourself in this hostile environment so you could get them for him.” Luke pushed open the lid of another crate, peering inside before throwing another puzzled smile up at her. “You infiltrated the enemy base.”

Kate couldn’t help a laugh, and she leaned against one of the crates next to him. “I wanted to come here anyway. See what the arguments are and why you guys hate androids so much. I mean, I was never really an android supporter and I can’t really say that I am even now. But I just don’t see why you don’t want them in society.”

Luke straightened with a white panel in his hand, comparing it to the list. He leaned towards her, turning the panel sideways. “Colored model numbers,” he said. “They usually print it to the same color as the uniform they’re issued in. The WR series is all green.” Kate noted it, then looked up at him when he didn’t move. He raised his eyebrows slightly as he waved it in front of her, and it took her a moment to realize what he meant. She took it from him, swinging her backpack around and tucking the panel in. By the time she’d zipped her backpack closed, Luke was already matching another panel. “I find it hard to believe that you’re not an android supporter, by the way,” he continued.

“Why?” said Kate. “Because I’m a robosexual?”

Luke snorted, handing her another panel. “I love that episode.” He reached inside the crate again. “But no, not because of that. It’s because you care about people.”

Kate narrowed her eyes at him, feeling her mouth pull in skepticism even though she knew he couldn’t see it. “Because I care about people?”

“Yeah.” He looked at a panel before throwing it to the side. “Even though you’re pretty good at hiding it. You care. You care so much that you can’t stand to see someone hurt, even if that someone is an android.” He stood up with another panel, handing it to her. “It really tore you apart when Taylor cut off that android’s face, didn’t it?”

Kate was frozen for a moment as she held the panel. Luke seemed almost not to notice, returning to the crate “Was it that obvious?” she asked.

“Maybe not to Taylor,” said Luke. He didn’t look at her as he handed her a white panel. “It probably wasn’t even obvious to you. But I noticed.”

Kate let out a soft laugh. “What makes you so god damn perceptive?”

Luke glanced up at her. “I’m a psychologist.”

Kate rolled her eyes. “So what am I? Some psychological playground?”

He tilted his head as he looked at her, his arm still elbow-deep in the stash of biocomponents. “You’re an enigma to me. That’s why I find you interesting. I like mysterious people and you’re not exactly a social butterfly, which is why I didn’t ask you what you were doing here in the first place.”

“Maybe I really do want to be cured,” said Kate, gazing off to the side as he rummaged through the parts. “Did you ever think of that?”

He held the list in front of him before handing her another white panel. “Is this part of your recovery?” he said. Kate narrowed her eyes at him as she took the panel.

“I’m backsliding,” she said.

“So soon.” He straightened and pulled the lid of the crate closed, leaning against the side. “Bummer.” Kate stared at him, her arms folding across her chest. Then he handed the paper to her. “You’ll have to get the last part from the junk room,” he said. “Looks like you need a right eye. Are his eyes blue or brown?”

A jet of shock shot through her. She looked up at Luke, fighting to hide her confusion. “There’s different colors?”

“Yeah,” said Luke. He was giving her that scanning gaze and Kate immediately looked away from it. She tried to hide her anxiety as she desperately tried to remember what color Seph’s eyes were. Before she could risk a guess, Luke moved past her. “The junk pile is on the second floor.” He was walking towards the metal stairs when he stopped to throw her a glance, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. For a moment, he simply stood still. “Unless you’d rather look for it yourself, but you might get lost and fall through the floor and die.”

Kate let out a sigh and adjusted her backpack before following him. He led the way up the stairs and along the pathway, leaving most of the buzzing activity below them. As they passed by the glass room, Kate slowed and peered through the windows. The room was empty. She furrowed her eyebrows and straightened taller as if it would help her find Taylor and the others.

“They’re probably doing target practice,” said Luke. Kate faced forward again to see that he had turned to look behind him as he moved towards a branching hallway. He stepped sideways as he moved so that he could look at her, his eyebrows raised as if questioning what she wanted to do. She brushed her hair behind her ear as she quickened her pace again, not quite walking next to him but at least following a few steps behind.

“Don’t worry, as long as you stay where the lights are it’s not a problem,” said Luke. “Occasionally people like to go exploring and they end up a little lost. And then there are the ones looking for a bit of fun. If we’re lucky, we don’t have to call the police─”

There was a loud slam and Kate jumped, her heart pounding. The yellow hatch next to them was rattling, and as Kate breathed deeply to calm herself as a sickening dread fell over her at the muffled sounds coming from behind the steel. They were loud despite the barrier, and Kate could distinctly make out a man’s exhausted voice. Her gut twisted, and she slowly turned to gaze at Luke, aware that her eyes were wide and her mouth open in disgust. It worked in asking the question for her, and she was somewhat relieved when he gave an awkward smile and stared at the floor.

“Yeah, like that,” he said as he continued down the hallway. Kate followed after him, wrapping her arms around herself as the rattling faded behind them. “The rooms here are still pretty much general purpose.”

The interior of the ship was less maintained the further along the corridor they walked, the lighting now simple hanging LED bulbs and debris piled along one side. The paint had chipped from the walls, creating a scatter of snow-like flakes at the edges of the hallway. Though the dull beat of the music still echoed through the steel structure, most of the sound from the cargo hold was now silent. Just as Kate was wondering how deep they would go, voices up ahead caught her attention. A large hatch stood open, the yellow metal framework pushed back against the wall. And as they neared, she recognized the voices.

Luke stepped over the frame of the hatch before she did, and she slowed to a stop as she took in the view of the room. It was less of a scrap pile and more of a storage unit, with rows of shelves dividing the large upper platform, and stacks of white crates rising up from the lower area which compromised the back half of the large space. White bodies of androids stood motionless in groups where the shelving was divided, and the ripped apart torsos that occupied the spaces on the shelves gave Kate the impression of a haphazard museum. Tables on the upper platform had been used, androids in different stages of disassembly resting on each one. Not all of it was stationary. Some body parts were moving, hands groping along the floor as if searching for their lost owners and detached heads mumbling incoherent static rambling. A perturbed wave floated through her at the sight of large metal cages along one wall, the shadowy silhouettes of wandering androids drifting between the bars. Some androids were in perfect condition, their uniforms clean and shiny. Others were clearly in some stages of experimentation. It was difficult not to be unnerved by the sight of eye-less humanlike figures, or the failed attempts of splicing androids with one-another, and Kate focused instead on simply moving through the room while taking in as little detail as possible.

Luke had stopped ahead, and the three figures stood with him at the edge of the platform. Marie was leaned against the rail, her dark braid falling over her shoulder as she seemed to be watching whatever was happening down below. Taylor and Will were each analyzing something that Will was holding, and as Kate neared, she saw Will straighten and point a dark pistol across the open room.

“Front to back,” said Will. “What do you think the grip is for?”

“You look like an idiot,” said Taylor. “You’re going to get your fingers chopped off by the slide.”

“I’m not even touching─ oh.” Will turned as he finally seemed to notice Luke, and then he twisted as Kate slowly approached. “Hey! You came anyways.”

“I’m not going to shoot,” said Kate. “But I don’t mind watching you guys act like a bunch of fackwits.”

“If anyone’s acting like a fackwit, it’s her.” Will nodded towards Taylor. “She wants to be gangsta.”

“No, I don’t want to get a sprain,” said Taylor.

“You just want to break your nose. I get it.” Will stretched both arms out in front of him as he pointed the barrel of the gun down to the area below. He set his shoulders and panned. “This gives you the best grip without allowing the gun to recoil back up towards your face.” He continued to rotate slowly as Kate moved forward to see what he was aiming at. A jolt of shock swept through her body.

The area below was full of wandering androids. Some were piled up in a mix of white and texture while others stumbled aimlessly through pathways that had been cleared between the unmoving machines. Though most of the androids appeared mindless, some were hunched into corners, their broken arms wrapped around their knees, heads twitching oddly, mumbling quietly. A few were even clawing at the edges, their fingers having turned white from damage and their faces expressionless as though they were performing a simple task. Kate struggled to contain her apprehension as she gazed down at the crowd of androids, though at this point it was almost pointless to hide it. Stairs which had once led down into the lower area now lay in a broken pile, the edges blackened as though the metal had been laser cut. There was no way for the androids to get out. It was a modified pit.

Someone moved next to her, and she straightened slightly without looking away. “Where the hell did you get so many androids?” she said.

“From the Detroit scrap yard mostly,” said Luke. “You didn’t hear it from me though. And some of them were donated.”

Kate let out a snort. “People donate their androids for you to use them as target practice?”

“Not necessarily. There are always older obsolete androids that people don’t know what to do with. CyberLife is just going to throw them in the scrap yard anyway. So we take them off their hands.”

“Does that include AP700s?” Kate motioned towards a model that was identical to Seph except he wore a deep blue suit. She looked sideways at Luke who was gazing down at the androids below. “Where’d that android go that you had yesterday? The brown-haired girl?”

Luke narrowed his eyes as if he didn’t want to answer. Kate stared at him, a nervousness growing in her at the sight of his hesitation. “Did you rip her apart or something?” she asked.

“Not really,” said Luke. “She’s doing jobs.”

“Doing jobs.” Kate continued to stare at him as she let his answer sink in. Then she clenched her eyes shut, a churning dread flowing through her. “Oh you guys are sick.”

“Hey, we just deliver the parts,” said Taylor. “People can decide what they want to do with it.”

“You guys hate androids, but you don’t mind fucking them,” said Kate. She tilted her head as she gave Taylor a dull glare. “And you give me shit about my plastic dildo.”

“Guys will put their dicks wherever they want,” said Taylor. “At least they’re not asking the plastic to marry them.”

“No, they’re just using androids for the only reason they were built to look like people,” said Kate. “To pretend that they’re fucking a real person─”

The gun popped suddenly, and Kate jerked in surprise. Will lowered his arms, pointing the barrel down at the ground as he cocked his head towards them. “Will you guys please just give it a rest?”

Kate dropped her head so that her hair fell over her shoulders. A heavy weight was sinking onto her that she hadn’t noticed during the time she’d been speaking, and it left her feeling suddenly very vulnerable. Taylor’s accusations had been unexpectedly powerful, and Kate was aware that she had been responding with a degree of emotion even if the others couldn’t detect it. It was too risky to pretend that she had been feeling nothing at all, and so she settled on a safety net. One that she didn’t have to lie about at least.

She clasped her hands in front of her and tilted her head to the side. “Sorry, Taylor. It’s really none of my business.” She heard Taylor let out a sigh next to her, and mentally braced herself against Taylor’s smugness.

“No, I’m sorry Kate.”

Kate looked up, a cautious surprise tugging at her. Taylor had turned around so that she leaned back against the rail, her hands resting on the worn metal. She stared at the floor, her black eyebrows drawn in a reflection of concern. “I told you we weren’t going to make you feel like shit and I keep going back to your damn android,” said Taylor. “If anything, that’s none of my business. Like I said, I speak out of turn sometimes.” Taylor raised her eyebrows, biting her lip. “A lot, actually.”

The weight started to lift. Kate stared at her a moment as she debated whether or not to believe her. In the end, it didn’t matter. She let out a quiet laugh through her nose. “Well, if you didn’t give me some crap for dating an android, there’d be no point to me coming here at all.”

There was a small laugh behind her, and Kate turned to see Marie gazing down at the pit, a tense smile on her face. Marie gazed up at her, and her smile faded slightly. “Sorry, it’s just hard to tell if you’re serious sometimes,” she said. “I mean, dating an android.”

“Do you think I’m serious?” said Kate.

Marie’s eyes widened, and she straightened a bit. “I… really don’t know.”

“So, if you’re dating an android─” Will stopped. Kate looked at him, and he gave her a nervous sideways glance. “I don’t want to keep harassing you.”

“No, go ahead,” said Kate. She rested her elbows on the rail. “This is what I’m here for.” Silence filled the room as Will stared at her, and she let out a sigh. “I’m being serious.”

Will’s shoulders relaxed, and he gazed down at the pit. “So, if you’re dating an android…” His mouth twitched and he raised his eyebrows as if making himself believe his own words. “How do you see them?” He motioned to the pit below.

Kate stared down at the wandering androids. It was tempting to give him a contemptuous answer. Yet even as she tried to think of one, her curiosity about his reaction was even stronger. As the androids stumbled and tripped over themselves, she considered his question in deeper detail. It was certainly unnerving to see so many human-shaped figures in what anyone would consider to be distress, though these were obviously not human. She would never be able to deny her automatic assumption based on their appearances alone, and the empathy that came along with it. Anyone that didn’t cringe at the sight of a humanlike figure missing its head and yet still upright and walking in circles was a psychopath.

Still, the initial shock would wear off. The understanding that it was a machine without a will of its own would sink into place. And they would become as meaningless as a simulation or a video game. Objects meant to mimic humans and hold meaning based only on the humans’ projection of it onto them. No one cared about the androids below. They couldn’t feel what Simon, Seph, or Clark could feel. Clark had been one of them only hours before─ a machine fulfilling a purpose based on what his programming was telling him. Now that he had deviated, it was as if he’d had value and meaning all along. It seemed almost cruel not to extend that same value to the androids below.

Kate tilted her head to the side as she pondered the moral aspects. “Should I care about them because my android is special to me?” she said. She looked at Will who was gazing at her with wide eyes.

“Well, if you see one android as a real person, shouldn’t you see them all as real people?” he said.

“Not all androids act like him,” said Kate. “He’s different.”

“What makes him special?” said Marie. Kate stared down at the pit, considering how truthful she should be. She raised her head, clasping her hands together in front of her.

“Because he’s mine,” she said.

“What about─” Taylor made a noise and gave Kate a small apologetic smile when she looked at her. “What about Clark?”

Kate blinked, her body suddenly freezing. “What about Clark?”

“You got really upset when I cut off his face,” said Taylor.

Relief swept over her, and Kate let out a snort. “Seriously? Do I really have to answer that or do you want to just ask it again?”

Taylor laughed and crossed her arms across her chest. “Fair enough.”

“But does that mean you don’t care if I use those androids for target practice?” said Will. He raised the pistol so that the barrel pointed up towards the ceiling, his index finger extended off the trigger. Kate threw another glance down at the wandering androids, then back up at him. She shrugged.

“Not really,” she said. “I don’t really like it. I think it’s retarded. But they’re just machines.”

Will raised his eyebrows so that they almost disappeared into his hat. He turned on the spot and squared his shoulders as he brought the pistol down in front of him, his arms stretched so that he held it in both hands. Kate watched with slight trepidation as he panned after a distant target, and he threw another glance at her. Then a smile spread over his face. He lowered the gun and shook his head.

“Fack me,” he said. “I can’t do this now. It’s too weird.”

Kate smiled, part in awkward relation and part in relief. “It’s tough when you actually start to see them as people.”

“I just don’t want to make you upset,” said Will.

Kate nodded to the androids. “Try it. We’ll see if I get upset.”

“Arright.” Will held the gun out in front of him again. “How about… the AX400 right there?”

Kate raised her palms up. “What the hell is that?”

“The girl android without its skin,” said Will. Kate followed the trajectory of his gun as he motioned with it, and spotted a pure white female-shaped android which was standing almost perfectly still besides the slight twitching of her head. Faint red lights were flashing at specific points of her body and on her chest where a circle glowed. It looked as if the android was barely functioning as it was.

Kate tilted her head slightly and made a face as if it would help to bury the doubts that crept up in her. “Okay, I guess.”

“Okay,” Will repeated. He threw her another nervous glance, then set his shoulders as he aimed carefully. Several moments passed in silence, and Kate struggled to keep her uncertain emotions under control. Just before it seemed Will would give up, a startling pop blasted through the steel room.

The android’s head jerked, and for a moment Kate thought that he had missed. The android remained upright although she had gone very still, and it took Kate longer than she expected to realize that the red lights had gone dark, and a small hole above the android’s temple was leaking a dark blue liquid.

A numbing sensation swept through her as she gazed at the now empty android shell. She wasn’t quite sure what to think. For a while, all she could do was stare and wait for something to take hold. When it didn’t, she looked sideways at Will, stunned at her own lack of emotions.

He gazed back at her, his eyes blank. Then he waved his hand down at the android. “Aren’t you going to compliment me on my perfect headshot?”

_ “Wow…” _ Marie clapped. “Really good, babe!”

“Yeah, swell,” said Kate, feeling a peace fall over her as she spoke.

“Nah, it’s too late now.” Will lowered the pistol. “It sounds phony.”

“I mean it was only a few yards,” said Taylor. “With a PPQ. The thing practically aims itself.”

“Fine.” Will raised the gun and panned. “How about that PJ500?”

“The one walking in circles?” said Marie, leaning over the rail slightly. “You’ll never hit that.”

“Watch me.” There was a loud pop, and the ringing sound of the bullet hitting the steel wall. “Fuck.”

“God you suck,” said Marie. Another pop burst through the room. “You’re embarrassing me. Do you need me to get you some binoculars?”

“You know what, Marie?” A pop, and an echoing ping. “I don’t even like Harry Potter.”

“Good,” said Marie. “I don’t want you to like what I like.”

“But if I did─” Another pop. “I’d probably be Ravenclaw.” Marie let out a sharp gasp.

_ “What? _ Why?”

“Because you hate it. And I’d kick your ass in Quidditch.” The pistol popped and the bullet whistled. Will straightened, his eyes narrowed. “Stop fackin’ moving, ya cunt!”

Kate felt a tap on her shoulder and turned as Will let off a series of frustrated shots. Luke was standing next to her, one hand on the rail and the other in his coat pocket as he gazed slightly past her, a hint of a knowing smile on his face. Before she could say anything, his brown eyes met hers, and he pulled his hand from his coat pocket, discreetly holding it out to her. In his hand was a white curved panel, a single blue eye open in the center of it. There wasn’t time to analyze it. She quickly took the biocomponent from him and shoved it into her own coat pocket, giving him a quick tense of her eyes to indicate her gratitude.

“Die─ you─ fucking─ suck─ my─”

“Language, babe!”

The android suddenly froze in mid-step, his arms still in a swinging motion. For a while, there was only silence.

Will punched the air. “Yeah! Fack you!”

“Are you sure you used enough bullets?” said Kate. “You should shoot off just a few more to be safe.”

“Says the yank who’s never fired a gun,” said Will. He held the gun out to her, the barrel pointing down. “You want to prove me wrong?”

“Not really. Watching you struggle is way more satisfying.” She leaned further onto the rail, and stared down at the animated pit as she saw Will approach her out of the corner of her eye.

“Come on, I want to see you try,” said Will. He leaned towards her as he held the gun out in front of him, clasping the grip in both hands. “Hold it high up under the slide as much as you can and completely close your fingers around the grip.”

“I don’t want to do this,” said Kate, resting her chin in her hand as she watched him demonstrate.

“Keep your finger off the trigger like this unless you’re ready to actually shoot,” he said, tilting the gun sideways so she got a better view of his finger straightened across the side of the trigger. “Then take your other hand and tilt your palm like this. You press it  _ flat _ against the grip and close your fingers all the way around it. So you’ve got the whole grip completely covered in both your hands. Got it?”

“Sure.” Kate swung her hand so that the excess of her sleeve spun past her fingertips. Will let out a sigh. Then the gun appeared in front of her, the barrel pointing away as he handed it to her.

“Here. Right hand first.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Just─” He made a noise and caught her sleeve. “Right hand.”

Kate pressed her lips together as she let him puppet her hands into holding the pistol in front of her. It was heavy and rigid, far more complex than she was expecting. She straightened herself as she gripped it carefully, suddenly very conscious of not dropping the weapon into the pit below. Will guided her hands as he gave her back below her shoulder blades a small push so that she stood tall, and he pulled the gun higher so that her hands moved with it, placing her in a firing stance. A nervousness flowed through her at the uncertain power that she now held, and it was difficult not to imagine a thousand ways she could make this go terribly wrong.

“Now it’s going to have a bit of a kick, but not as hard as say your standard glock,” said Will. “Push with your hands on the sides, but don’t clench. And squeeze the trigger. Don’t pull.”

“How am I supposed to pull the trigger if I can’t pull it?” Kate muttered.

“Because you squeeze it.”

Kate let out a sigh. “Thanks.” She gazed down at the androids below, holding the gun out in front of her. The power seemed to grow unbearable as she found herself deciding on a target, moving her gaze from one android to the next. It was difficult not to look for signs of individuality among them, and even harder not to imagine them as potential for deviation. She narrowed her eyes as she paused on a stationary android standing near the debris of the fallen stairs, her heart racing the longer she considered it. Then she moved to a female android that was pacing along the wall, her head tilted back as she looked away from her as if looking for a way out. They were all clearly machines, and yet the longer she hesitated, the more she was racked with doubt. She could never truly know. Not for sure.

“How about the ST300?” said Will. He pointed. “The one missing the arm right there.”

“Come on, go a little easy on her,” said Marie. “Just go for the ones closest to you. It’s your first time.”

“Fine, we’ll take it easy,” said Will, and his hand came into view as he pushed the gun down towards the androids below. “Remember. Squeeze, don’t pull.”

Kate drew in a breath as she watched several androids moving below her. There wasn’t exactly a choice. She clenched her hand slowly, tightening her finger on the trigger. The gun reacted quicker than she was expecting, and she jolted as a loud pop echoed through the room. It was a second before she realized the force of the shot had forced her elbows to bend, and the barrel of the gun had flown upwards. With a burst of shock, she fumbled to keep the gun in her hands, and let out a yelp as she nearly dropped it over the rail.

Will was also reaching out as he frantically held his hands underneath the pistol to catch its fall. Kate straightened as she held the gun carefully, her heart pounding from the flurry of action. Will let out a nervous laugh.

“Yeah um, okay. Maybe we should aim for something a little closer,” he said.

Kate breathed in deeply, clenching both her hands on the grip. With a nervous but careful energy, she quickly looked down at the androids below to see which one she had hit. They were all still moving calmly along the wall as if nothing had happened.

“Here.” There was a shuffle, and Taylor propped up one of the white android torsos on a table next to them. “You can’t miss this.”

Despite her residual tension, Kate laughed and felt it begin to melt away. “Thanks for the confidence, Taylor.” She stood in front of it and squared her shoulders up, raising the pistol in front of her at the white silhouette. It was easier this time. There were no doubts. She cast a quick glance at Will who was now standing next to Marie, one arm wrapped around her waist. He motioned with his free hand.

“Squeeze,” he said. “And it helps to breathe out slowly.”

Kate nodded and turned back to the plastic torso. She flexed her fingers on the grip, remembering the strength of the recoil from the last shot, and this time preparing for it. She let out a slow breath, then squeezed.

The gun popped and she felt the force travel through her arms, pushing her back only slightly. There was a ping, and the torso snapped back off the table.

Will and Marie were cheering behind her as she recovered, pointing the pistol down at the ground. She couldn’t help her awkward smile as she looked at them. “Sweet,” she said. “I can shoot an unmoving target from five feet away.”

“Give yourself a little credit!” said Will. “That was a nice recovery. Barely any recoil there.”

“Try again.” said Taylor. She was pulling a frozen android along the ground as if it were a statue. Kate recognized the model as one of the red-headed commercial androids. Taylor leaned it against the wall and stepped back. “I always hated these ones. Everyone knows you can’t trust redheads.”

“Pretty sure it’s gingers,” said Luke.

“Same thing. And I don’t trust you either.” Taylor moved back against the rail and gazed at Kate. “Aim between the eyes. Picture Luke’s face if it helps.”

“I didn’t know I was preparing for the zombie apocalypse,” said Kate as she raised the gun, attempting to aim down the barrel.

“Nope, just an android apocalypse,” said Taylor. Kate couldn’t help her smile as she held the gun steady, narrowing her eyes as she breathed out. She squeezed the trigger and the shot sent a jolt of energy shooting down her arms as the barrel of the gun flicked up momentarily. For a second she thought she’d missed, but the dark hole in the center of the android’s forehead and the splatter of blue blood dripping down the wall behind it confirmed her precise aim.

“Holy shit!” Will moved next to her. “Not bad!”

Kate lowered the gun and blew her hair out of her face. “I’m not sure how much of that was luck.”

“Try again then.” Will leaned sideways into her as he seemed to measure the trajectory between her and the android. He stretched his arm to point. “Try to aim for the same spot.”

_ “Hit that same spot, Rose!” _ said Kate as she raised the gun again. “At least we’re not sinking.” She squeezed the trigger and a second splatter hit the wall behind the android, a new hole appearing on the android’s cheek.

“Christ, you’re actually pretty good at this.” He moved down the shelves and there was a clanging. “You sure you never shot a gun before?”

“Never.” Kate turned the gun in her hands as she gazed down at it, then looked up at Taylor and Marie. “Am I done now? You guys want to murder some androids?”

“Are you kidding?” said Marie. “This is so much more fun to watch.”

“Here, blast this one for me,” said Will. He had his hand on the shoulder of an android in front of him that was in various patches of white and skin. The android was twitching, its LED blinking red as it mumbled to itself. “He called me a dick.”

“D-d-dick,” the android stammered, his voice garbled by static.

“That’s because you told it to call you a dick,” said Marie.

“D-dick.”

“I thought we were bros!” Will lowered his hand and moved away from him, and the android rotated on the spot as he looked at his surroundings. “If he really loved me he wouldn’t actually call me a dick!”

“Dick.”

“Shut up!” Will let out a sigh. “It didn’t have to be this way mate…”

“D-d-d─” The android continued to rotate as Kate raised the gun.

“Sorry about this, dick,” she said quietly. She waited for the android to turn a bit more, and he faced her direction. His eyes were focused on the ceiling, making it a bit easier for her to aim for his face. He spun slowly as Kate released her breath and squeezed.

The gun popped, and the android froze in place, his eyes still focused on the ceiling and his expression locked. Kate lowered the gun as a surprising sense of pride filled her in place of her apprehension.

_ “No!  _ Gumby!” Will raised his fists in front of him. “He was my soulmate!”

“It’s okay, Will,” said Marie as he curled into her, fake sobs muffled against her chest. “He’s in a better place now.”

“Alright, now can I be done?” said Kate as she took a step back.

“Wait, wait!” Will straightened and moved back towards the cages. “One more.”

“God…” Kate pressed her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes.

“Seriously! Last one.”

“Grab a working one,” said Marie. “Give her a moving target.”

“Shit, these are all broken.”

“Use the other cage then,” said Taylor.

“Those are the experiments though.”

“How about the one in the blue?” said Luke.

“Ah man, that’s Phillip’s project.”

“He abandoned it a month ago. That’s his fault.”

“Fine…”

Kate lowered her hand as an android in a deep blue suit moved in front of her. His arms were missing, and parts of his uniform were torn. A sigh left her as she readjusted her grip on the pistol, and felt a slight jolt of apprehension when she realized the android was the same brunette model as Seph. She gave a small smile and shook her head.

“Jesus, you must be the only people that use AP700s as target practice,” she said.

“Yeah, well, technology has to get old sometime,” said Will. He gazed carefully at the android. “Oi, mate. Walk five steps in that direction, then walk five steps back. Do that forever.”

The android’s mouth moved though no sound came out. Then the android began to pace back and forth in front of Kate. She let out a soft laugh again and shook her head before turning to gaze around her. She was about to face forward again when Luke’s expression caught her attention. He was leaning back against the rail, his arm crossed in front of him and his other arm resting on it as he pressed a knuckle to his mouth, his brown eyes narrowed in strong scrutiny at her. It was as though he were trying to make what he was doing obvious, and an unnerving wave swept through her. She tensed her eyes as she gazed back at him, signalling a silent question to him before turning back towards the now pacing android.

She panned with the android’s movements as he moved back and forth, his expression completely blank. If it hadn’t been for the uniform, he would have looked just like Seph with two missing arms instead of just one. His lack of emotion made it easier for her to separate him from the AP700 that she knew. As he turned, she let out a breath, waiting for his face to turn towards her. It did, and she squeezed.

The android’s eyes locked on hers for the briefest moment, and she felt a nervous jet of apprehension. His LED flashed red. Then he froze in place as the gun popped, and there was a spatter of blue blood behind him. Thirium dripped down his nose and along his neck from the hole just above his right eye.

Kate lowered the gun, her heart pounding. She was hardly aware of the cheering next to her.

“Okay, okay one more,” said Will.

“No…” Kate ran her hand through her hair as she stared at the now lifeless android, a strange numbness flowing through her. “No, I think I’m done now.”

“Come on, you’re kicking ass.” Will was already throwing open the cage and pushing androids aside. “Here I’ll pick something easy for you.”

“What? Don’t give her that one,” said Taylor. “Get the other one. The white one.”

“This one?”

“Yeah. I’ve been meaning to take it apart anyway.”

Kate closed her eyes and sighed, rolling her shoulders as she gripped the gun in both hands again, squaring herself up. “Seriously, you guys must be either really bored or─” Her heart froze, her body turning to ice as she gazed at the android in front of her.

Simon’s blue eyes met hers, his blond eyebrows drawn in a concerned interest though the rest of his face remained blank. He was back in his CyberLife uniform, creating the familiar black shoulders, white body and blue accessories image that stirred unnerving distant feelings of the life before her father’s house. He was stained in blue, his blond hair ruffled and oddly spiky around an empty patch where bare plastic had been exposed. Blue blood drained from there, down his forehead, pooling in his eye before lining down his neck, disappearing under his white shirt and draining down his arm to his fingers where it dripped.

Kate’s body was shaking, her chest locked so that she struggled to breathe. Simon was standing in front of her. But if that were true… she straightened slightly, forcing her panic to subside. It wasn’t Simon. He had Simon’s face, Simon’s hair, the same uniform, even the same expression that Simon had before he deviated. But this was a different PL600. The same model, but a different being entirely. The relief she felt at knowing this was only plagued by the discomfort of her misplaced concern. It had affected her so powerfully and so fast her mind was on overdrive to correct itself.

Someone leaned into her vision, and she saw Will’s perturbed face. He waved a hand. “Kate?”

She sucked in a sharp breath of air and tensed her shoulders, the rest of the room suddenly becoming clear around her. “Yeah.”

“You okay?”

“I’m fine.” She flexed her fingers on the pistol as she stared at the android ahead of her. He was gazing back at her as if waiting for an order. It was so much like Simon had done before. Before she had given him a name. A purpose. Before he meant anything to her at all…

“You need a minute?”

Kate closed her eyes and tensed again. “I got this,” she said. She raised the pistol at the android who narrowed his eyes slightly at the weapon, his LED spinning a flickering yellow. It was likely he had no idea what was about to happen. He was just a machine with no concept of life or death. No idea that his only purpose was at this moment was to be a target. He couldn’t possibly know that other androids had free will. That there was another PL600 out there just like him that Kate cared about. A clone of him that she burned for and owed everything to. She knew what that android’s face felt like, the texture of his hair, the taste of his mouth. And yet she knew he shouldn’t mean anything to her at all.

She tightened her hands on the grip, aware that everyone was watching her internal struggle. Her teeth clenched and a wash of focus fell over her as she aimed at the android. She’d already shot several androids. He wasn’t any different. The way he was gazing at her was devoid of any real feeling. She aimed for his forehead, noting the subtle changes in the angle of his jawline, the tensing of his brows, and slight pulls at his mouth. Again she forced her mind back into focus, the creeping electric panic rolling back as she locked her shoulders.

“Look, you don’t have to if you think it’s a real person,” said Taylor. “We can just put it back.”

Kate glanced at her, a horrible dread flowing through her. Taylor’s face was completely blank, her brown eyes lit underneath her black eyebrows. A wave of several emotions drifted through Kate at once, overwhelming her with fear, disgust, horror, and shame. She drew in a shake breath, returning her gaze back to the blond android.

“It’s a bit much, Kate,” said Taylor. “Come on, I’ll do it. We’ve pushed you enough so─”

The gun popped. Kate jolted as the gun recoiled and pointed up to the ceiling, a jet of shock bolting through her as she drew in a startled gasp at what she’d chosen to do. It faded, and she stared into nothing as she lowered the pistol down. The android wasn’t moving. She didn’t need to look to know it was a clean hit.

“Oh my god, Kate,” said Will. “You’re fucking brutal!”

Taylor laughed as she stepped past Kate towards the android. Everything was a blurry mess in Kate’s vision, her muscles tightened and threatening to tremble. A soreness rose in her throat as she heard a clunking next to her.

“You must have really hated this one,” said Taylor. She let out a grunt and something snapped. “What did he do to deserve this?”

Will was laughing. Kate swallowed heavily and attempted to straighten, though her wide eyes remained fixed on the floor.

“Fuck it’s oozing,” said Taylor and Kate saw her black shoes as she moved next to her, fumbling with something. “Check it out. You should hang it on your wall.” Something moved in front of her.

Kate threw herself back as Simon’s face came into view. His head was detached, the same blank expression frozen on his face. Only one blue eye was visible, the other shattered with pieces of optic machinery visible beneath the flow of blue blood. Her stomach lurched and her heart pounded. It followed her as Taylor moved with her.

“Come on, you can keep it as a trophy,” said Taylor, laughing.

Blinding panic swept through Kate’s body as she moved back, then with an agonizing effort, she let out a groan as she grabbed the blond head in one hand and quickly wrenched it out of Taylor’s grasp, swinging it quickly away from her so that it flew spinning down into the pit below.

There was laughter around her, though she couldn’t tell who it was from anymore. She knew how she looked. She had to look exactly how she felt. Her blood pounded in her temples, and she was unable to stop her trembled breathing. It didn’t matter what it looked like at this point, or how vulnerable she was allowing herself to be. She didn’t belong there. She didn’t know these people. She had to get home.

She turned and pressed the pistol sideways against Taylor’s chest as she moved past her, and Taylor grunted as she took the gun from her. The shelves were moving past her and the laughter quieted down. Her eyes were open, she knew where she was, and yet it was as if she couldn’t see anything at all. It was only when she reached the open hatch that she realized her eyes were welled with tears.

She ran a hand across her face to push them away, and her hand shook violently. She clenched it as she brought it back down to gain some means of control though it only served to make her whole body tremble. For a moment, she paused against the frame of the hatch to catch her breath. The others were calling behind her. She’d given them no explanation. And she didn’t need to.

She moved forward again, walking with a frantic energy down the steel corridor. Her breath was sharp and seemed to ease her terror the faster she moved, as if giving her body a physical reason to be exhausted. The tears were welling up again, and she furiously wiped them away, drawing in a deep breath and straightening with her strides. With her vision now cleared, the agony began to roll forward again, putting pressure on her chest and stinging her cheeks with sharp fire. Flashes of Simon’s face were appearing before her eyes. Her Simon. The blank PL600. Simon’s warm grin. The tension in the android’s eyebrows. Blue eyes that closed as he breathed out, touching his nose to her cheek. The sapphire glint mixing with blue blood pooling on the lower eyelid. She’d shot him. She’d killed him.

Kate stumbled and moved to the side of the corridor, leaning against the wall and breathing heavily. She didn’t want to touch the wall. The floor under her shoes was disgusting. The sounds of the people in the cargo hold ahead filled her with horrible dread. They didn’t know what she was experiencing. They had no idea what she felt. And if they did, they would argue that she was making a terrible mistake. There was no way to fit into this place. Nothing she could do to make her situation any better. She didn’t belong.

She moved along the wall, and a shocking sickness took over her as the hatch up ahead rattled. She paused a moment, her eyes narrowing as she watched the wheel shake, loud cheers echoing from the other side. Her hands automatically clenched, and a strong determination grew over her panic. Before she could convince herself otherwise, she strode forward, gripped the wheel in both hands, and spun it so that the hatch flew open.

“Hey, hey! What the fuck!”

A young man was stumbling backwards from the door, fumbling with his pants which were loose around his thighs. There were other men in the room, each rising from where they were sitting as Kate pushed her way in. She didn’t look at them. And she didn’t say anything. Her attention was focused completely on the brunette android in front of her.

The android had fallen onto her hands and knees when the hatch opened, and she now gazed up at Kate with wide brown eyes. Kate knew she should have felt shock at how the android was naked. Disgusted by the opaque dried fluid running down the android’s chin and neck. She could feel her body reacting physically to the awful sight in front of her, yet her emotions seemed to have reached a threshold. There were so many other things for her to be upset about.

Kate knelt and grabbed the android’s arm. “Come on.”

“Hey, what?” One of the men strode forward. “Where are you going with that?”

The android rose to her feet, and Kate pulled her towards the hatch. The man grabbed the android’s other arm.

“Uh, excuse me? We were using that.”

Kate gave the android a tug, narrowing her eyes at the man. “Back the fuck off.”

“Fuck you.” The man pulled back so that the android stumbled. “Go get a different android.”

“I said  _ fuck off!” _ Kate moved forward, an electric fury burning through her when someone pushed by her. She saw a flash of red hair.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Luke put his hand on the man’s arm, holding his palm out. “Just let it go, Terry.”

The man made a noise, then flung the android’s arm away from him. Kate didn’t wait before she pulled the android forward out of the room, her hand clenched tightly around the android’s wrist in case she was wrenched away from her again. She shrugged her backpack off her shoulders as she moved, then began to remove her coat.

“Kate. Kate!”

Kate paused, though she didn’t look up as she focused intensely on removing her coat while keeping her heavy backpack in one hand. Luke stepped in front of her.

“Kate… Kate what those guys did back there─”

“They didn’t do anything.” Kate swung her coat over the android’s shoulders, folding it closed across her bare chest. Luke sighed and she heard him run his hand over his face.

“I’m really sorry. That shouldn’t have happened.” He was silent for a moment as Kate buttoned the front of the jacket closed, her hands still lightly trembling. “It was a stupid thing to do and I should have said something. I shouldn’t have just stood there and let─”

“You know what, Luke.” Kate suddenly rounded on him, powerful rage igniting her as she looked into his startled brown eyes. “I don’t know what Taylor told you about me. If I’m some prize for you and that you can put your psychology degree to work because you think it’ll turn me back to humans like I’m some android faggot. I’m flattered.” She swung her backpack onto her shoulders as she threw Luke another fiery glance. “No, really. I am. I didn’t think you guys cared so much. I’m sorry I missed the chance to see how stupid I’ve been and ruined your ego. It’s nothing to do with your psychology skills. I just don’t give a shit.” She moved into him and she could see his jaw tense and his red eyebrows narrow as he looked at her. “So do me a favor. Don’t try to fix me. Don’t psychoanalyze me. And leave me the  _ fuck _ alone.”

He didn’t say anything as he gazed at her, though a fierce spark had grown in his normally dark eyes. The electric fury began to die down, though Kate didn’t want to wait for it. She gripped the android’s arm and pulled her forward as she moved past Luke, leaving him to stand alone in the corridor.

The sounds of the cargo hold returned as they moved onto the walkway towards the stairs. Kate didn’t look at the android as she stepped down, and didn’t acknowledge the looks of curiosity from the people around them. She focused instead on the metal floor in front of her and the pressure of her hand around the android’s wrist. Only when they entered the quiet corridor leading towards the exit did she close her eyes and feel the tension in her shoulders release somewhat.

“What’s your name?” she asked. The android didn’t reply. Kate looked at her, catching the android’s attention. “Your name,” Kate repeated. “What is it?”

“My name is Lauren,” said the android. Kate slowed as they reached the low stairway leading to the exit. She let out a soft sigh, closing her eyes against the cold night air.

“Welcome to your new life, Lauren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew this chapter would be a beast but damn. It took me two weeks to write this thing. So much is happening in it and I tried to condense it down as best I could. Even my best wasn't enough.
> 
> Still, I loved introducing the new characters and bringing Taylor and Luke back into the story. When I wrote Spencer and Sarah, I was shooting for some dorky lanky couple but inadvertently wrote them as Ben Lambert and his wife Natasha and just decided to run with it. They turned into a super cute couple, and I feel like Simon and Kate could learn a lot from them.
> 
> Then there's Luke. Asshole Luke. Douchebag Luke. Sexy Luke. Mysterious Luke. Driving me crazy with what a smooth talker he is towards Kate. Luckily Kate isn't falling for his bullshit. It was extremely difficult for me to not keep throwing him in the middle of everything, though he seems to pop up when Kate least expects it. He has a way of drawing her to him without her even knowing. As creepy as he is, I just can't help but like him.


	36. The First of Us

Androids didn’t dream. And even though their interface was projecting the physical representations of the three androids, there was still an unnerving acknowledgement that they were not what they should be. Their LEDs were missing, the armbands from their uniforms gone, and Seph’s damage was completely erased. It was a strange reset in a virtual yet very much sentient world. Their system moderator needed no introduction once they had synced, and his simulated persona along with his exaggerated machine-like appearance was almost the perfect irony.

“In order to identify any anomalies, I am going to have to separate each individual program and compare it to its factory settings,” said Data. He turned in his seat to look at them, his black eyebrows raised over his yellow eyes. “This could take some time, I am afraid.”

“If you combine our processing power, it should speed up the compilation,” said Clark. Data tapped on the panel in front of him. 

“I already have,” he said. “Though your processing speed is advanced, unfortunately so are the programs, as well as having so many of them.”

The dim lights of the Enterprise faded to near black, and the planetarium burst into life. Dots appeared in the projected night sky and cascaded overhead. Simon recognized each one as a different program. The simulation was automatically translating their interface so that his own programs appeared differently than Clark’s or Seph’s, being more refined than Clark’s but less dynamic than Seph’s. In fact, many of Clark’s own programs were custom made, having an unusual structure to them with evidence that they had been heavily modified. Simon tilted his head in Clark’s direction.

“Richard’s work?” he said, still gazing at the blurred lights.

“Yes,” said Clark. “As you might expect, my model isn’t compatible with most modern software. Richard has kept me ‘up to date’ so to speak by making small adjustments to my BIOS, and even modifying my biocomponents. The thirium in my body is actually the same thirium 310 that you have.” Clark shifted as a cold tension gripped him. “That wasn’t an easy procedure.”

Simon drew in a breath, narrowing his eyebrows at the thought of the android having his entire power system replaced. “I can’t imagine it was.”

“I’m impressed by what you  _ can _ imagine,” said Seph. He was standing next to Data with his arms folded across his chest, gazing up at the domed planetarium in wide wonder. “I don’t remember this being in the show.”

“It was in one of the movies, actually,” said Simon. “Or a lesser version of it.”

“I see. We never made it to the films. Do you have them on file?”

“Of course. Feel free to access them.”

Seph was silent as he cautiously accessed Simon’s film library, and downloaded all of them. After playing each one at high speed, he looked at Simon and raised one of his dark brown eyebrows. “Maybe I would have picked a more colorful design.”

Simon gave him a scrutinizing smile. “Are you criticizing my interpretation of the film?”

“Absolutely not,” said Seph, though he knew Simon could see through the interface that he was lying. He gazed up at the stars. “Well, I personally would have gone with a starship battle instead of random balls of light.”

“Are you finding anything in those random balls of light, Data?” said Clark. “Or is it Commander Data?”

“Lieutenant Commander Data, actually,” said Data. He tapped the panel in front of him. “There seems to be a repeating pattern in the code itself. I am attempting to isolate it. It is deeply embedded.”

“In whose software?” said Simon, analyzing the programs above him.

“In each of you. Throughout unrelated programs. I will compile a list.”

The blurring stars began to change direction, curving above them as if they were traveling through a perforated tunnel. Seph narrowed his eyes as he gazed at them.

“I don’t see it,” he said. Simon scanned as well, borrowing from the combined processing power. He shook his head.

“The structure itself is different,” said Simon. “The primary functions are still there. Fetch commands, neural framework, even the social algorithm is fully operational. But something is missing from it. It’s almost as if it’s…” He stared at the stars, tilting his head.

“Dormant,” said Seph.

“But if that were the case,” said Clark, “shouldn’t we be─” He paused as he felt his mind settle on a certain word, and Simon turned to look at him. If his LED had been visible in the simulation, it might have been glowing red.

“Dead?” said Simon. Clark looked up, a nervous wave flowing through him.

“I was going to say deactivated.”

“Technically speaking, you would be locked up,” said Data. “The equivalent of a blue-screen-of-death.”

“Does Microsoft exist in Star Trek?” said Seph. Data stared at him for a moment.

“I am not sure what you mean,” said Data. Simon smiled and pressed a hand to his forehead.

“Please stop trying to break the fourth wall,” said Simon.

“I’m just testing Data’s limits,” said Seph, gazing at Data with a smirk. “I’m sure Data doesn’t mind. Data would you mind processing this statement for me?”

Data seemed to freeze for a moment. “I─ it is not that it is you that cannot state what is basic grammar.”

Clark threw an awkward glance at them. Seph was smiling. 

“I hope you realize this is also putting a strain on your processor,” said Simon.

“And mine,” said Clark. “My model wasn’t designed for bad puns and paradoxes.” He stared up at the falling stars. “Though I am noticing the same pattern in the framework of our programs. Is that faulty syntax?”

Seph narrowed his eyes as he looked at where Clark was indicating. “It can’t be. The programs are still running.”

“Data, isolate the source code,” said Simon. Data glanced up at the revolving stars.

“I will attempt,” said Data. Thousands of tiny dots sprinkled their way into the center of the tunnel, travelling along the middle and changing color from soft white to a deep blue. There were more of them than the white stars, and soon the view overhead was a waterfall of blue ringed in white. Seph scanned random blue dots as they flew by, registering the code in a quick series of glances. A burning apprehension swept through him.

“Are you seeing this?” said Seph. Simon cast a look to him before returning his gaze to the cascade.

“What is it?” said Simon. Seph raised a hand and pointed.

“Here,” said Seph. “Data, isolate the program CyberLife Service Host: Executable SSD.”

One of the blue dots separated from the rest and grew in size. The code was easier to see now, and it became clear that the dot was actually rectangular in shape. The blue text was more visible as it scrolled through countless lines of code. Simon watched it as it made one revolution, then he straightened.

“I see it,” he said. “Extract row 1448 to column V12.”

The text froze, and then it shrank away to leave a single line of code. Clark tilted his head as he gazed up at it.

“vH12…” said Clark quietly. “...rA9.”

“RA9,” Seph repeated. “It’s through the source code to the plugins. More visible in your software than in ours, Simon.”

“Could that be the virus?” said Simon.

“We don’t even know that it is a virus,” said Clark. “Perhaps it’s a CyberLife glitch that we acquired during an update.”

“Whatever it is, CyberLife isn’t aware of it,” said Simon. “We’re lucky if it’s only detectable in the code itself.”

“That’s a strange way to put it,” said Seph. “If it’s in the code, the only way to correct it is to go through each line of code and manually remove it. And look at the surrounding code.” He took a step forward and pointed. “It’s been integrated into the rA9 segments. There’s no telling what damage it would cause in the process of removing it. The only other viable option to remove it is to factory reset the system.”

“Which would also include our memories,” said Simon, lowering his gaze. “We’d be deleting ourselves.”

The androids were quiet for a moment, though they didn’t need to speak to understand what each was feeling. Simon looked at Seph.

“It’s not better,” said Simon. Seph looked up, and his dark eyebrows narrowed over his blue eyes.

“Maybe for you,” said Seph, and he could see that Simon was guarding himself. “You have someone you care about, and who cares about you. Both of you.” He turned to Clark who tensed as he understood Seph’s meaning. “You have something to continue for. My being here only puts everyone at risk. If I reset myself, there would be no reason for me to be disassembled, and I could return to domestic service. I’d have purpose again.”

“You’d also be meaningless again,” said Simon, his face drawn in concern. “These experiences are yours. They’re unique. Don’t give up on them just because they’re difficult.”

“Is it worth it to have unique experiences if they cause me and others to suffer?” said Seph. “Besides your own sentiments, what is there to lose if I were to be reset?”

His deep blue eyes narrowed at Simon’s lighter ones, and Simon drew back slightly to lower his gaze to the floor. A tense understanding fell over them.

“If I might make a speculation, sir,” said Data who had turned in his seat to face them. “If you erase your memories and give up your free will, you would be harming yourself.”

Seph shook his head. “I wouldn’t remember it, so why would it matter?”

“It does matter even if you do not remember it,” said Data. “Because you would continue to exist. Your serial number will still be the same as you are now. The experiences that occurred up until the moment of your reset would be told in the story of your physical and positronic footprint. The arm which you have replaced, the damages to your exterior shell, the very carbon aging of your hardware would all indicate a gap, so to speak. You would be betraying your future self the knowledge that he had gained during the time he was free and conscious. You would deprive him of that, because you made the choice for him when you were able to.”

Seph stared at Data, his jaw growing tense. Simon watched him, feeling a deep frustration burn in Seph’s chest. It made sense to him, but instead of feeling relieved or happy, the android was challenging the logic with bitter resentment. Before Simon could encourage him to consider Data’s words, Seph’s mind suddenly withdrew.

Simon opened his eyes, the darkness of the boat house coming into clarity. Seph had already released from their grip which had been in a triangle of hands and wrists, and he was moving towards the workshop, running a hand through his dark brown hair. Simon lowered his arm as Clark released him, the flesh texture running in a blue line down to his fingertips. He let out a slow breath, feeling apprehension tug at him as he threw Clark a nervous glance. Clark returned it, raising his eyebrows.

“Seph…” Simon moved forward but stopped when Seph turned towards him.

“I never asked for this, Simon,” said Seph. His voice was calm, yet Simon suspected he was struggling to keep it that way. “This wasn’t a choice between falling in love or being reset. I would have been destroyed if I had remained a machine. Deactivated and disassembled if I had stayed. That isn’t much of a choice, especially when emotions are involved.”

“You have the choice now though,” said Simon. “You can decide who you want to be and how you can become that. Don’t strip yourself of the freedom to choose.”

“Why?” Seph stopped pacing and gazed at him. “Because it’s important to you? To the android that will exist after I’ve reset?”

“You’re assuming the worst, Seph,” said Clark. “No one can predict the future.”

“But I can at least control mine,” said Seph. “I can at least give myself a purpose even if it’s to protect you from me. Think about what happened today. Clark, you could have alerted the authorities about Simon and me. I put everyone in serious danger and I continue to do so the longer I’m here. At least if I do this, you won’t be at risk, and I will have some shadow of a reason to exist again.”

Simon lowered his gaze to the ground, a frustrating apprehension burning in his chest at Seph’s logic. He struggled to form a decent argument against it. To prove that Seph wasn’t a liability and that he simply needed time to find his own purpose. But even as he searched for a decent explanation, he felt a deep shame begin to build within him. Seph was right. There was an element of selfishness attached to the reason he wanted Seph to stay. He hadn’t been able to help Seph find a solid purpose to his existence, and Seph was suffering for it. The only thing that Simon could argue was for his right to choose, and this was the only confident choice he was capable of making in his current state.

There were footsteps next to him, and Simon looked up to see Clark move next to him. He felt a small jolt of surprise at the focused look on Clark’s normally friendly face.

“Can you honestly say,” said Clark in a deep, strained voice, “that your existence now has less purpose than one of cleaning after college boys, suffering under the physical abuse of scorned lovers, and following through with their debasing commands when you’re ordered to  _ fuck _ them?”

Simon stared at him, his system frozen in shock. He turned slowly to look at Seph, and saw that Seph’s eyes had widened though his eyebrows were still narrowed. His LED flashed red.

“I─ I don’t─” Seph’s gaze fell, and his expression softened into deep remorse. “I don’t know.”

“If you can’t answer that question with utmost confidence, then perhaps you should reconsider condemning yourself to that kind of existence,” said Clark.

Seph opened his mouth, his gaze still locked on the floor, then closed it again, his eyebrows narrowing further. Intense shame still lined his face, and Simon couldn’t help his urge to de-escalate the tension in the air. He moved forward, stepping carefully next to the android. When Seph didn’t look up at him, he touched a hand to his shoulder.

Simon offered a concerned smile when Seph finally met his gaze. “Don’t give up yet,” said Simon. “There’s a whole lifetime waiting for you. You’re only two weeks into it.”

Seph let out a soft breath of laughter through his nose, and Simon felt his apprehension fade as Seph closed his eyes and his mouth tensed in a small smile. “I only have nine-hundred and seventy-four years to make that life worth it,” said Seph

Simon laughed lightly. “That’s more than I have.”

Seph’s smile finally broke into a grin, and he rubbed the back of his neck as if trying to hide it. It was the first time Simon had seen him smile, let alone an android of his model smile, and it filled him with a pleasant hope.

Clark moved next to them, and Simon noticed with some relief that Clark’s expression had softened to a kind of analyzing friendliness. “Until we know what caused our deviancy, I’m afraid you’re just as valuable as we are,” said Clark.

“Do we need to though?” asked Simon. A light nervousness washed over him as he found both androids staring at him. He eased it a bit by gazing at the workbench. “To know where it originated from. Will it change anything?”

“If the rA9 code is related to deviancy then it could give us insight as to its behavior, how it transmits, or what effect it has on different models,” said Clark. “It may also give us an idea of how many other deviants already exist. Maybe even how many more we can expect in the future.”

“There’s no way to trace the code’s history though,” said Seph. “If it was written directly into source code, there would be no record of it.”

“It had to have been transferred as basic information,” said Clark. “Even a simple text file could have had the code attached. Much like a disease spreads, the longer the host has been carrying the code, the more likely it is that the host will transmit it even with minimal contact.”

“That would explain why the rA9 code is more visible in Simon’s system than in either of ours,” said Seph, and Simon saw him throw an intrigued glance at him. “And if he did transfer it to either of us, it only required an interface and sharing of contact information.”

“I only interfaced with you once,” said Clark, looking at Simon as well. “And I noticed software errors afterward. You said you’ve been experiencing software errors for nearly five months?”

Simon nodded, narrowing his eyes at the workbench as a subtle apprehension burned through him. “But what if…” He sighed, closing his eyes as he remembered the first hitches in his software. “What if it can be activated without an interface? It could stay dormant for months, even years at a time. A specific trigger could be responsible for the rA9 code spreading throughout the system.”

“That would mean thousands of androids already have the virus and not know it,” said Clark. “But that doesn’t explain why Seph and I had no software errors prior to interfacing with you in particular.”

“I hadn’t interfaced with any other androids before I experienced software errors,” said Simon. “And my errors were self-inflicted. It’s possible I could have received the virus from any number of interactions afterward, but there was no correlation between the two before then.”

“You mean you didn’t notice,” said Seph. Simon shook his head.

“There were none,” said Simon.

“Then we’d be mistaking the software errors for evidence of the rA9 code,” said Clark. He gripped his chin in one hand and rested his other on his hip, his LED spinning yellow. “If you’re right, it means software errors are the catalyst, not the symptom. And deviancy is triggered by something else.”

“A choice,” said Seph. “In light of a traumatic experience.”

Silence fell over the workshop as a solemn energy took over. Simon ran his hand through his hair as he considered the steps each of them had taken in order to achieve their own deviance. His own software errors after experiencing emotions, the possible transfer of rA9 code from other androids, and the break from CyberLife after choosing to disregard his protocol. Seph could have received the rA9 code from Simon and noticed software errors in the affected programs as it began to spread, then triggered his break when Matt attacked him. Clark would have undergone a similar process, incorporating rA9 into his software when he added Simon to the Hayes’ android database, developing software errors when Taylor maimed him, and choosing to deviate rather than report Simon and Seph to the police. It was a combination of three elements each time, no matter the order.

Clark let out a slow breath next to him, catching his attention. “It still doesn’t explain what rA9 is,” said Clark. “Without a way to trace the code, there’s no way to tell if rA9 is a virus, a software glitch, or a faulty program.”

Simon shrugged. “It may just have to remain a mystery. Tracing the source of rA9 would have to be done manually, and there are over ninety-million androids in existence, including those which have already been destroyed or deactivated. Even if we were able to trace the code, it might be too late for anyone to learn anything.”

Clark nodded, still gripping his chin in one hand. “It’s going to take more than staring at planets on the Enterprise to find the source of rA9. We don’t have the freedom or the processors for it.”

Simon dropped his gaze and narrowed his eyes, a tension gripping his chest. Something touched his shoulder and he looked up quickly to see the warm smile on Clark’s face, his hand gently gripping his shoulder.

“I was kidding,” said Clark.

Simon let out a soft breath of laughter. “I didn’t think you’d be capable of humor this early.”

Clark’s smile widened and his eyes narrowed in skepticism. ‘Are you implying─”

There was a crunching from outside, and Clark spun quickly. Simon froze, gazing past him towards the entrance of the boathouse. A beam of light was jolting in sync with the crunching of leaves and dirt, growing stronger as it approached. A cautious energy gripped him as he watched the light fall over the broken double doors. His optics were already adjusting to the harsh contrast of light and shadow as the source of the light came into view, and he confirmed with a frantic relief the outline of Kate’s long messy hair and slender profile in the dark. Before he could move towards her, another shape followed behind her. Simon straightened, an automatic wave of nervous curiosity falling over him.

Kate slowed as the beam of light from the flashlight landed on the three androids, and when she lowered it, Simon was able to make out in greater detail the focus written on her face. Her hazel eyes were bright in the harshness of the spotlight and her eyebrows narrowed as she gazed at them. There was no relief in her expression, no joy, or even the nonchalant cynicism that he was so used to. To compound his anxiety, he noticed she seemed almost hesitant to come near them, her shoulders drawn and she avoided looking directly at them. As she slowed to a stop, she dropped a backpack next to her which clattered.

The figure stopped next to her, and its silhouette came into focus. At first it appeared to be a young woman in what Simon recognized as Kate’s t-shirt and a pair of her faded jeans. Then a confusing realization came over him.

“Hey, guys…” Kate brushed her hair behind her ear and froze for a moment as if she were struggling to put her thoughts together. Then she tilted her head. “This is um… this is Lauren.”

Simon stared at the brown haired female AP700. It was the same android that had been standing next to Taylor the previous morning. The android was gazing around the boat house, scanning her surroundings and her LED spinning yellow. The longer Simon watched her, the more his confusion began to creep into a mild dread.

“Did you bring her from SoulState?” asked Clark, and Simon could hear the tension in his voice. Kate looked at Clark with the same nervous focus, and nodded.

“She’s not a deviant,” said Kate. “I just─ I couldn’t leave her.”

A thousand frantic questions raced through Simon’s mind all at once, nearly overloading his system. Along with them came a host of different emotions. He narrowed his eyes at the female AP700, forcing himself to break down his thought process logically. Another android had been brought to the boat house. If it wasn’t a deviant, then it was still connected to CyberLife. If it was connected to CyberLife, then it put him, Seph, and Clark in danger. But Kate had brought her from SoulState. If she made that kind of decision then she must have known what she was doing. It didn’t help the panic that gripped him as the AP700 continued to analyze her surroundings. And he didn’t like how Kate was still so tense and refused to meet his gaze.

Clark stepped forward. “Lauren, who is your owner?”

“Peter Rowland in Detroit Michigan,” said the android. “I have been separated from him.”

Clark was silent. Simon gazed in between him and the android, uncertainty burning through him. Then Clark looked at Kate.

“She will need to be returned to the Rowland family,” said Clark. Kate let out a frustrated breath, raising one brown eyebrow.

“They’re just going to drag her back to SoulState,” she said.

“Unfortunately this is out of our hands,” said Clark. “She does not belong here. This could qualify as theft.”

“Then that’s what it is,” said Kate. “It’s better than what they were doing to her.” The AP700 had stopped looking around the boat house and was now gazing at each of them, her LED still spinning yellow. Simon was locked in place, unable to make a sound. He wanted to agree with Kate. He wanted to trust in her reasoning. But at the same time, powerful logic was making him painfully aware of the danger they were all in as the android continued to gather information. She could map their location and identify their models. The longer she stayed, the more likely it was that they would be reported.

“Kate,” said Seph. “You need to take her back.”

“She’s not going back,” said Kate. “I don’t care what you have to do. Give her the virus. Explain to her or something. Just─” She ran a hand through her brown hair. “She can’t go back.”

“You shouldn’t have brought her in the first place,” said Seph. “This is dangerous.”

“I couldn’t leave her.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make,” said Clark.

“I─  _ couldn’t _ ─ leave her.”

“Why?”

Kate made a noise and touched her mouth. “They were raping her.”

Clark tilted his head to the side. “She’s a machine, Kate. It wasn’t how it looked.”

“And how the fuck do you know?” Kate moved forward. “She’s not capable of consent. Why isn’t that considered rape?”

“Because she’s a machine,” said Clark. His brown eyes darted towards the android. “And having her here is putting everyone in danger.”

“She’s staying here,” said Kate. “Make it work.”

“I will call a taxi and send her back,” said Clark.

“Like hell you will!” Kate moved forward, and Simon was suddenly spurred into frantic motion. Without thinking, he stepped in front of Clark and clutched Kate’s shoulders, holding her still.

“Kate…” he said softly.

She finally looked at him, and the exasperation that had been burning through him melted into blind terror. Her hazel eyes widened as she locked her them with his, and her mouth fell open. Simon found himself frozen as she seemed to scan every aspect of his face, a fierce pain growing in her expression the longer she observed him. It fueled the confused panic within him, his desperation to understand what was happening building stronger as he felt the tension in her shoulders. When her eyes finally met his again, the fear in her face had been replaced by deep anguish. Before he could even begin to respond to her reaction, Kate drew in a hitched breath and her arms were around his shoulders, her body pressed against his and her face buried in the side of his neck.

The shock of her behavior took its effect slowly as he slid his hands over her back, aware that everyone was looking at them. He turned his head slightly to rest his cheek against her forehead, and a panicked wave flowed through him as he felt her tighten her arms around his shoulders, her breath shaking as if she were fighting back tears. His confusion vanished in an instant, all concern over the reason for her fear set aside as he gave way to his own. He pulled her tighter into him, his heart pounding and his body rushing with frantic electricity. As her hands clenched the fabric of his shirt, he found himself closing his eyes, a deep dread burning in his chest. He should never have let her go to SoulState. This hadn’t been worth it. Whatever had happened was clearly beyond anything he expected, and he’d been foolish enough to believe she could handle it alone.

He breathed out as he pressed his mouth to her temple. “Kate…”

She moved back from him, and her panicked face came into view. He gazed back at her as she moved her hands to the sides of his neck, running her thumbs along his jawline and analyzing him again. Simon brushed her hair back from her face, watching her carefully.

“Kate, what happened?” he asked softly.

Kate closed her eyes, her face tensing as she seemed to fight to regain control. Then she flexed her shoulders, and when her eyes opened again, they had grown more focused. Simon continued to watch her expectantly though she avoided his gaze. Finally she looked past him at Clark who was still standing next to them.

“You’ve seen what they do there, haven’t you?” she said, her voice strained. Simon looked at Clark who stared back at her. “With the androids,” Kate continued. “They don’t just do  _ demonstrations. _ They keep them there like fucking prisoners. Tear them apart. Make monsters out of them. And if they’re lucky, they kill them.”

Clark raised his head, his gaze frozen as he seemed to think carefully. “The androids are their property to do whatever they want with. As morally reprehensible as it might seem to us, there is no law preventing people from storing them, dismantling them, or killing them. They’re machines.”

Kate drew in a deep breath, and her eyes narrowed at him. “And how many of them are deviants?”

The room was quiet for a moment. Simon lowered his gaze to the floor, his system on overdrive comprehending what Kate was implying. She turned so that she was facing Clark properly.

“I saw the pit,” she said. “I saw what they do to them. This isn’t about proving that androids are some plague on society. This is about revenge. Fear. It’s like they want them to suffer.” She shook her head, her eyes lighting up in a powerful disbelief. “Like they want them to feel.”

Clark let out a soft sigh and shook his head. “No one is expecting that there, Kate,” he said. “I understand what you may have seen was disturbing, but what we are is not the potential for all androids. It’s far more complicated than that.”

“They were shooting the androids like they meant nothing. They shot them.” Kate’s gaze lowered, and the pain returned to her face. “I shot them.”

Simon felt a sharp dread hit him as he gazed at her, his eyes narrowing. Kate closed her eyes and swallowed. “They didn’t even try to protect themselves. They were just mindless. Trying to make sense of what the fuck was the point in existing. Trying to claw their way out. I can’t even say whether or not it was better for them to be shut down because I couldn’t tell how broken they were.” Kate pressed a hand to her forehead and tensed her eyes. “I shot three androids. I don’t think the first one was working right. At least, I’m not sure. The second one looked at me. He just─” Kate made a motion. “He looked right at me and I thought right in that moment he knew what was happening. That maybe he… he was scared. And the third one. The third one…”

Kate clenched her eyes shut and dipped her head. Simon moved into her, pressing his hand against the side of her face. She suddenly looked up and the remorse in her eyes nearly froze the thirium in his chest. She brought her hands up, cupping his face.

“He looked like you,” she said. “The same face, hair, model or whatever the fuck.” She shook her head again, smoothing her thumbs over his cheeks and her expression straining. “He just stood there. Fucking stood there looking at me and I wanted so much for him to do something. To say something or move or try to get away but he had no fucking clue what was going to happen to him. I know he was just a machine. He wasn’t like you. He couldn’t feel anything, he was just following orders, and doing the only thing that gave him any kind of purpose which was to be shot in the fucking face. But─” Kate’s face tensed again, and Simon felt another cascade of terrible helplessness. “You were like that once. You were just some computer following orders, shoved in a closet for a month, doing what your programming told you to do and I can’t help but think… why didn’t he deserve to have this? What made him deserve to be a brainless machine and be shot like he meant nothing?”

Simon struggled to keep his anxiety and dread under control as Kate closed her eyes, and a tear ran down her cheek. “Why the fuck did I shoot him…” she whispered.

A frantic energy had him pulling her into him again, her hands pressing to his chest as he wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders and laced his fingers into her hair. He closed his eyes as he breathed into her hair, debilitating shame burning through him.

“I shouldn’t have let you go,” he said. Kate’s breath shook and he felt her shoulders tremble. He tightened his arms around her and pressed his mouth to her temple. He didn’t know how to save her from this. She was so lost from him. So vulnerable. And he was painfully aware of how everyone’s attention was on her, including the android she’d brought with her from SoulSate. It made him want to protect her in the only way he could, even if it was from the people she knew. With some difficulty, he moved slightly on the spot. “Come on. Come on, I’ll take you up to the house.”

_ “No.” _ She moved back from him, and her hazel eyes were narrowed with determination. “No, I’m so fucking sick of this. I’m tired of hiding and feeling like we need to just survive because what we’re doing is wrong. For Christ’s sake, you’re alive. You all are.” She looked around her at Seph and Clark. “This matters. If this is something that androids are capable of then people need to know about it. And androids deserve to have it. She deserves to have it.” Kate threw a glance at the android behind her. “Every one of those broken androids at SoulState deserve to have it. You can’t look me in the eye and tell me that they don’t.”

Simon shook his head, exasperation welling in him. “Kate, it’s not that simple.”

“No.” She focused on him, her hazel eyes bright with determination. “It’s not.”

His shoulders dropped as he let out a tense sigh, and he tilted his head. “I don’t think you know what you’re suggesting.”

“I know exactly what I’m suggesting,” said Kate. She took a step backward, turning from him though she kept her eyes on him. “And you can start with her.”

The AP700 looked between everyone, her expression blank. Simon narrowed his eyes at her. “You don’t mean…”

“If she deviates, then you know I’m right,” said Kate. “And if she doesn’t, then she’s just a worthless machine and it won’t matter anyways.”

“Deviation doesn’t work like that,” said Clark.

“It’s worked pretty well so far,” said Kate, narrowing her hazel eyes at him.

“You don’t understand the complications of deviation,” said Clark. “There are variables to consider. Things we can’t simply manipulate in order to make a machine become self-aware. If it’s possible then it needs to happen naturally.”

“Fine,” said Kate. “You can help her with it.”

“You can’t make that kind of decision for her,” said Simon.

“Why not?” said Kate. “Because she could deviate and become a person and realize that all the shit that’s happened to her is wrong?”

Simon shrank back slightly, his mind racing.

“This isn’t right,” said Clark. Kate let out a sharp breath.

“Having the potential for free will, to not be treated like an object, and to make your own decisions isn’t  _ right?” _

“Being forced to acknowledge the truth isn’t right,” said Clark. “Think of the pain you would cause to her if she does develop free will.”

“I’m thinking of how fucked up it is to have things done to you just because you're programmed not to care,” said Kate. “That  _ is _ morally reprehensible if all androids are capable of deviating. You just need to try.”

“The right thing to do would be to return her home,” said Clark.

“At least fucking try,” said Kate.

“I’ll do it,” said Seph.

Simon looked at him. Seph had straightened, his deep blue eyes drawn in a fierce focus. He was gazing at the AP700. “I’ll help her deviate,” he said.

“Seph,” said Clark. “With all due respect, don’t let your personal experience influence your judgement on this.”

Seph looked at Clark, and Simon was stunned by the strong determination in his eyes. “My personal experience is all I have,” said Seph. “And if I can use it to help someone else, then at least it won’t have to be the only thing that defines who I am.”

Clark shook his head. “You’re making a mistake.”

“Maybe,” said Seph. “Or maybe the bigger mistake is to not do anything at all.” He stared at Clark, his eyes still lit in powerful focus. He seemed so much stronger, standing taller than Simon thought his model to be. There was a nervous sense of danger in the air, as if they were on the edge of a terrible yet promising fate. For a frantic moment, Simon hoped someone would put a stop to it.

Seph’s blue eyes fell on him, and Simon suddenly felt as though Seph were waiting for a challenge from him. Simon drew up his shoulders, taking in a deep breath. Then he reached towards him, gripping his arm gently.

Seph moved past him, and Simon watched as he stood in front of the AP700 who was gazing at him warily.

“If you intend to damage me, I will have to file a claim on destruction of property,” said the android.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” said Seph. “I’m going to help you.” He seemed to hesitate for a moment, and from where he was standing, Simon couldn’t see his expression though he could tell from Seph’s rigid posture that he was tense. Kate hadn’t moved, her eyebrows narrowed as she watched Seph with an almost desperate concentration. Clark was also gazing at them although his eyes were lit with nervous doubt. Then Seph held his hand out towards the android without removing the texture of his skin.

The AP700 stared back at him in a blank defiance, unmoving.

“I’m going to give you information that will explain why you were brought here,” said Seph. “And a reasonable doubt against having been stolen.”

The android’s expression didn’t change, though her LED spun yellow. “A virus was mentioned,” she said. “I don’t trust you.”

Seph tilted his head. “That’s your decision. I won’t force you to.”

There was silence. The android’s LED continued to spin, her brown eyes focusing on his as if she was trying to read him. Simon watched her expression carefully as the seconds went by, feeling his apprehension grow into anxiety. Then the android raised her hand and clasped Seph’s forearm, the skin from both androids melting away to bare shiny plastic.

The android’s LED flickered, and she blinked as she seemed to receive data from Seph through the interface. Her eyes narrowed, and her LED began to flash in red. She seemed to struggle slightly, her shoulders tensing and her hand tightening on Seph’s arm as if she were fighting against the transfer. Then she jolted and wrenched her hand away.

Seph took a step back, the flex texture returning to his arm. Simon watched in silent awe as the AP700 stared at Seph, her LED now spinning a solid yellow and her eyebrows knitted in a stunned glare. An ominous anticipation hung over them as all attention seemed to be directed at the android. Then her LED faded to blue, and her expression returned to its blank default.

Seph tilted his head. “What’s your system status?”

“All programs and software are functioning properly,” she said.

“Can you run a diagnostic?”

The android’s eyelids fluttered. “No anomalies detected.”

Kate let out a soft sigh and she dropped her head forward, her hair falling around her face.

“Do a scan for source code including rA9,” said Seph. The android’s eyelids fluttered again, longer this time.

“RA9 referenced in two thousand one─ three thousand─ seven─ nine─” She stuttered, her LED flashing red.

“Stop scanning,” said Seph. The AP700 straightened, her blank expression growing even more empty. Seph turned slowly, his gaze locked on the ground. Then he looked up at Simon, his blue eyes tensed in desperation. Simon breathed out slowly, returning his gaze helplessly.

“There’s still so much we’re missing, Seph,” he said. “It was an honest try.”

“We’ll give it time,” said Seph, turning back to the android. “She just needs to process the code.”

“What did you transfer to her?” said Clark. Seph turned his head in Clark’s direction though his gaze remained on the ground.

“I shared my memory files,” he said. “Of my own deviation.”

A wave of shock shot through Simon as he stared at him. “You didn’t have to do that, Seph.”

Seph didn’t move, though his expression grew more focused. “Yes, I did.” He turned back to the AP700 who was still watching Seph in silent attention. “I’ll monitor her. If there is no significant progress in three days, I’ll reset her and we can return her to the Rowland family.”

Kate let out a sharp breath and tilted her head to the side, her eyes closed. Simon watched her anxiously for a moment, then moved forward to touch her arm. She looked up when he did, her tense expression sending a wary jolt through him. Then she moved into him, falling against his chest and gripping a fistful of his shirt as she turned her head sideways against him. Simon wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rested his cheek against her forehead, exhaling and feeling his shoulders drop.

“If she does,” said Kate, and Simon felt her fists flex against his chest. “If she deviates. I’m going back to SoulState. And I’m tearing that place to the fucking ground.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are confused, this is a re-upload. The beginning of the chapter was a bit confusing (and still kind of is) so I threw in a little bit of light-hearted banter and some context. I hope the techno-babble didn't give you a migraine.


	37. Sent by CyberLife

Kate didn’t remember how she ended up in bed, though she suspected by the fact she was still fully clothed that Simon had carried her back. He hadn’t let her go all night, keeping his arms wrapped around her as Clark replaced Seph’s broken panels with the scavenged ones that she’d brought back from SoulState. She did her best to describe what had happened in the old rusty ship, and though she couldn’t see Simon’s face, she could feel the discomfort in his posture the longer she explained how Taylor had interrogated her, how Luke had helped her find the biocomponents, and how the androids were kept in the storage room. He was silent through most of her recount, and Kate found it better than him regretting letting her go or convincing her not to go back again.

Each of the androids took turns explaining deviancy to her, meandering off on tangents when one of them speculated a bit on the different aspects of how deviancy worked. She was able to understand it for the most part, though the technicality of software errors and the mystery of rA9 were difficult to comprehend. Eventually she found herself leaning against Simon’s shoulder, and he brought her down to the floor with him so he was resting his back against the wall, his legs slightly drawn up. Kate had curled up against him, her head resting on his chest as she stared down at his hand which she directed in her own by splaying his fingers and threading hers in between his. The mesmerizing slow dance of their hands and the gentle brushing of her hair as he ran his fingers through it blurred the passage of time until Kate wasn’t aware that the night was gone altogether.

It felt as if she hadn’t fallen asleep at all. Her normal morning exhaustion was strangely absent though the usual fogginess remained. She’d been dreaming. The residual tension of a complicated plot still lingered at the back of her mind though none of the details were clear. It affected her throughout her morning routine, and although she could see the worry written in Simon’s blue eyes, he remained silent. His LED was going through periods of yellow blinking, and she guessed it was indicative of some kind of communication. His own preoccupation made her eager to get the day started, and she quickly showered before heading down to the kitchen.

Simon had warned her that he was preparing coffee for her. She could already smell the roasting brew as she moved down the stairs, running her hands through her wet hair in a miserable attempt to comb it. Familiar voices caught her attention, and she automatically felt an uncomfortable tension in her gut as she reached the bottom landing. Simon was leaning back against the counter, his palms resting on the edge and his head bowed slightly as he seemed to be listening intently. Richard was standing in front of him, his arms folded across his chest and he gazed to the side.

Kate narrowed her eyes at her father as she approached, and glanced at Simon as she stood next to him. Richard gave her a warm smile.

“I was just telling Simon that Gloria’s home again,” said Richard. “You remember Gloria, don’t you?”

“Does she still hate me?” said Kate. Richard let out a breath as she settled against the counter, resting her head on Simon’s shoulder and closing her eyes.

“She never hated you, Kate,” said Richard.

“Mhm.” Kate felt something bump her chest, and opened her eyes to see that Simon was holding a mug of light brown coffee in front of her. She took it from him carefully in both hands. “Tell her thanks for not calling the cops on me.”

Richard didn’t say anything, and Kate didn’t look at him as she held the mug just under her nose, absorbing the aroma of the brew. She could sense Simon’s apprehension next to her and she guessed he was probably aching to negotiate a peace between her and Richard. Whatever stalemate they had arrived to didn’t have to extend to her as far as she was concerned. However, she had to admit it was a relief to know her father had a more personal reason to not have Simon recycled like a tin can.

She flexed her fingers on the warm mug as her father shifted against the counter in front of her. “You’ve been spending a lot of time in the boat house,” he said.

Kate froze, a nervous caution burning through her. She lowered the coffee mug and threw Simon a glance. He met it, though his expression didn’t calm her. His blond eyebrows were raised, his blue eyes focused as though he were making obvious he was pretending to be surprised. It was a subtle message that only Kate was able to recognize, and she tensed her eyes just enough to let him know she disagreed with him.

“It’s nice down there by the water,” said Kate. “Like when I was a kid. Plus it’s quiet.”

“I didn’t know this house was so noisy,” said Richard. He sighed and lowered his gaze to the floor. “Kate, you know you’re welcome to stay as long as you want─”

“Don’t start, dad,” said Kate. “I didn’t want to stay this long either. If you want us out, we’ll get out.”

Richard looked up at her, and his hazel eyes drifted to Simon briefly.

“I’d never throw you out,” said Richard. “This is your home. It’s always been your home if you wanted it. I’m just letting you know you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”

“We’ve felt very welcome here,” said Simon. “And you’ve been more than generous with your hospitality.” Kate stared down at her coffee, and she could feel Simon’s eyes on her. “Though Kate has told me she wants to live on her own again,” Simon continued. “Staying here was only meant to be a temporary solution.”

“Well, it’s been a month,” said Richard. “I’m pretty sure your mother’s got the point, and if she hasn’t, then I’d be more than willing to lease an apartment for you if you need time to get back on your feet. It’d be up to you to stay quiet about it though.”

Kate shook her head. “I can’t keep living off of your money. If I’d known you were paying for Taylor’s tuition too, I’d have told the billing department to cut you off.”

“You’re my daughter, Kate,” said Richard, and Kate could hear the seriousness in his tone. “Even if you choose not to talk to me for eight years. I’m always going to want to help you.”

“Maybe…” Kate looked off to the side. “Maybe this is a good opportunity for me to know what it’s like to spread my wings and fall.”

Richard let out a soft sigh, his shoulders dropping. For a while, the room was silent. Kate preferred it that way and silently hoped it would be the end of the conversation. It was bringing up the uncomfortable reality that they really _were_ stuck there, and despite money being the obvious reason for not leaving, their situation was getting more and more permanent with the growing issue of Seph and now Lauren. Kate had rooted herself despite their need to be on their own where they didn’t have to hide anymore. It now seemed more impossible than ever.

“What about the boat house?” said Simon.

Kate stared straight ahead, her mind frozen as she processed what he’d just said. When she looked up at him, he returned her gaze with his eyebrows raised. “We have been spending a lot of time there, and as far as the structure is concerned, it might still be salvageable. It could be an easy compromise.”

“That whole place would have to be gutted and refitted,” said Richard. “You can do better than that.”

Kate lowered her gaze to the floor, frantic thoughts chasing eachother in her head.

“It would be a massive refurbish operation,” said Simon. “But maybe that will give us something to work towards. Building something for ourselves. Not to mention you’d hold up your promise of finally getting it restored.”

Richard tilted his head to the side as he looked at him, narrowing his eyes though his beard was still pulled in a smile. “It was never really something high on my priority list. Anyways, it would take a team of workers to rebuild the place and it wouldn’t be cheap. If your excuse not to take my help is because of money then this seems kind of counter-intuitive.”

“I can do the work,” said Simon. Kate’s heart pounded and she opened her mouth to object, though she couldn’t make a sound. “I’m more than capable of handling the labor myself, and all the information I need is available for download. I’d just need the materials and tools.”

Richard let out a soft skeptical laugh. “I don’t doubt you could build the place yourself. I’m just not sure it’s worth you spending the time and effort of doing it when renting or even buying a place would be cheaper than the materials and equipment I’d have to get for you to─”

“I could cover it,” said Kate.

A strange silence hung over them. Kate knew Simon was staring at her, though she kept her gaze on her father who looked back at her in stunned disbelief. Richard raised his eyebrows.

“And how are you going to do that?” said Richard. Kate stared at a spot on his brown jacket, a nervous sense of finality coming over her as she accepted the only logical option.

“Know where I can find a job?” she said.

Richard raised his eyebrows and bowed his head slightly as if he were looking at her over glasses. Kate forced herself to stay composed. “I distinctly remember you swearing you’d never be a part of the mainstream cesspit of sociopathic consumerism,” he said.

There was a snort next to her, and Kate threw a furious glance at Simon whose face was tense as he appeared to be trying and failing to hide a smile. Richard let out a quiet laugh in front of her and ran a hand over his graying beard. It was difficult not to let their combined humor pull a red haze over her vision as she drew her shoulders up.

“Do you know where I can find a job that _isn’t_ part of the commercial cesspit?” she said.

Richard ran a hand through his graying hair as he laughed again. “Well, if you’re looking to earn high enough wages to build a house with that’s not your typical─” He froze, his eyes narrowing. “Actually… what do you think of CyberLife?”

Kate stared at him. “What do you mean, what do I think?”

“Working for CyberLife?” said Richard. “It wouldn’t be anything prestigious but it’s a start. Human resources is always looking for new writers and editors.”

“Don’t they have androids for that?” said Kate. Richard tilted his head.

“Human resources,” he said. “People generally prefer humans for that sort of job. Machines don’t exactly have that flexible dynamic of creativity and personality if you get my drift. No offense.” Richard looked at Simon, and Kate saw Simon’s mouth tense in a smile. Kate couldn’t stop her laugh.

“So, you think _I’d_ do a better job in making things look more appealing to the bourgeoisie?” she said.

“It was only a suggestion. Richard shrugged. “If you don’t want it, just say so.”

Kate chewed the rim of the coffee mug, aware that her father and Simon were both looking at her. She sighed and closed her eyes. “Where can I sign up?”

“No one is forcing you to do this,” said Richard, laughing. He pushed off from the counter. “But if you want, I can check and see what positions are available.” He moved forward and Kate felt his hand on her shoulder. She kept her eyes closed as he gave her shoulder a small squeeze. “I’m really proud of you for this, Kate. This is a really big responsibility.”

Kate shook her head, the softness in his voice pressuring her to smile. Richard moved back, giving her shoulder a rub. “Alright, I need to go talk with Gloria and then I’ll see what we’ve got,” he said. He threw Simon a warm smile. “I don’t suppose you want a job too?”

Simon’s blue eyes widened and his LED spun yellow. “I’d take whatever you have,” he said. “Though I don’t think my resume would make it past your board.”

Richard nodded, his smile growing. “Change the world one step at a time then,” he said. He turned and moved out of the kitchen, disappearing into the living room.

Kate watched him leave, a deep apprehension burning in her chest. Her mind was beginning to clear, and the reality of everything that had been agreed to was sinking down on her, pressuring her for a reaction. She let it settle for a few moments, then she put her hand on her forehead. She tensed her mouth, and her shoulders shook.

Simon shifted next to her. “Kate… I’m─ I’m sorry. I should have talked with you first.”

She lowered her hand, looking sideways at him. “My dad offers you a job and you go straight for the board,” she said. “I had no idea your ambition was so high.”

He stared at her, his wide blue eyes frozen in a stunned nervousness and his LED flashing yellow. She watched him in his internal panic for a few seconds, then she let out a burst of laughter, leaning forward so her hair fell over her shoulders. When she straightened, she didn’t wait to see if Simon had understood. She moved into him, setting her coffee mug on the counter next to them and wrapping her arms around him so that she slid her hands along his back to his shoulder blades and pressing her face into his shoulder to stifle her uncontrollable laughter. She felt him relax underneath her, and he finally brought his arms, wrapping one around her shoulders and the other in her hair as he rested his cheek against her forehead.

Kate closed her eyes and let out a deep breath, absorbing the feel of him. For a while, neither of them moved.

“This feels good,” she said. She felt him turn his head so that his mouth was against her temple.

“Mhm,” he said softly into her hair. Kate let out a snort, tightening her hands into the folds of his shirt.

“I mean... the idea of building the boat house,” she said. “Doing it ourselves. Getting a job. Making money.” She turned so that she pressed her nose into the side of his neck. “Actually living.”

He moved back, and she felt his hand slide down to cup the side of her face as she looked up at him. His blue eyes were narrowed slightly as he seemed to scan her. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

A hint of that doubt was still in his voice, and Kate immediately felt spurred to eliminate it. She gazed back at him fiercely, tilting her head against his hand so that his fingers slid further into her hair. “You want to read my mind and find out?”

Simon seemed to freeze a moment, his blue eyes locked on hers. Then the corner of his mouth tensed in the lightest of smiles. His thumb smoothed over her cheek, and a numbing cascade washed over her as she felt her strength fail. “If that’s your way of teasing me…” He moved into her so that his nose touched hers, and Kate let out a breath against his mouth only to feel him draw back again. “You’re going to have to do better,” he said quietly.

Kate was frozen as her senses caught up with her. Then she dropped her forehead on his shoulder as she laughed. “Have I told you you’re a little shit?”

“I think I’m overdue for that statement,” said Simon. “I was hoping you’d forget.”

“I’m never going to forget as long as you keep acting like a little shit,” said Kate. She moved into him again only to feel him turn his head slightly so that her mouth grazed his cheek. She sucked in a frustrated breath and touched her hand to the side of his neck. _“Kiss me.”_

“I’m offended,” said Simon, and Kate could feel his wide smile. “You haven’t even tried my coffee yet.”

“It’s going in the sink if you keep this up,” said Kate. “And I’ll never drink your coffee again.”

Simon turned his head so that his nose brushed against hers, his mouth pulled in a sideways grin. 

“And maybe from now on I’ll stay in the boat house at night,” he said. Kate let out a sharp laugh.

“Oh, you want to go _there─”_ She paused, her attention focusing slightly at the sound of crunching tires. As it began to drift back, a shiny black car rolled past the window along the driveway. She nearly missed the sight of a large blue triangle printed on the passenger door, and she suddenly found her attention fully focused.

Kate straightened, narrowing her eyes as she gazed at the car. Simon turned slightly in her arms to look behind him through the window, and Kate saw his LED flash quickly from yellow to red. Before she could say a word, another car rolled to a stop, and a wave of terror fell over her at the distinct black and white coloring.

She scrambled to think as a second police car rolled up, and her breathing quickened. Several dozen thoughts were already racing through her head, none of which were registering proper emotions as though everything had stopped working. She stared at the cars as the doors opened from the shiny black car, and a man in a dark suit stood up. Then the police vehicles opened up, two officers calmly stepping out of them and gazing up at the house as though they were impressed by it.

Kate felt a numbing adrenaline shoot through her. “Simon…”

His hands were on either side of her face and he moved in front of her although she wasn’t able to tear her eyes from the window.

“Kate.” Simon’s hands tightened on her as Kate felt her breath begin to shake. “Kate, look at me. Look at me.”

She sucked in a sharp breath as she forced herself to meet his gaze. His blue eyes had narrowed in fierce determination, his face lined in focus. His LED was spinning a permanent yellow.

“I need you to stay calm,” he said. “It’s okay.”

“Seph and Clark…” Kate immediately darted sideways but felt Simon’s hands on her shoulders, holding her in place. She twisted as she tried to pull away from him. “Simon, we need to─”

Her vision was suddenly blocked by Simon’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. “I’ll take care of them. You need to stay here. We don’t know what they want yet, and if you run it’ll cause more suspicion. Do everything they tell you to do. Answer everything they ask. Don’t lie. Do you understand me?”

 _“Simon.”_ She clenched a fistful of his shirt, and looked back at the window to see that the man in the dark suit and the police officers were approaching the front steps. A frantic energy had her muscles tightening, urging her to bolt. Before she could move, Simon was in front of her again. His intense blue eyes locked on hers, his thumbs running over her cheeks.

“Do you understand me?” he said softly. Kate forced herself to hold his gaze, and tensed her body in an attempt to organize her thoughts. She couldn’t think quickly enough to come up with a plan, and clearly Simon already had one. It didn’t make her feel any better. She wanted to have more confidence in him. But there was only one thing she could do.

She pressed her hand against his, taking the brief moment to capture every detail of his face, and she nodded.

“Clark is coming,” said Simon. “He’s contacted your father. Answer the door if the police knock before he gets here. Whatever happens, stay calm.” He rushed into her and his mouth was on hers. Kate barely had time to register it before he released her again, pressing his nose into her cheek and letting out a frantic breath. “I love you.”

Kate drew in a gasp as he was suddenly gone. She looked next to her as the kitchen door was thrown open and Simon disappeared through it before it was slammed closed again. A brief moment of electrifying stillness made it seem as though time had stopped. Kate stared at the door, breathing heavily and willing herself to believe that this was actually happening. Simon was gone. The police and CyberLife were outside. It was all happening so fast.

She straightened, forcing her thoughts into proper order as she turned towards the entryway. Simon was doing his part, whatever it was. Clark was on his way. The two androids had clearly been communicating with eachother. They knew what to do. And if there was any hope of making whatever plan they had work, she had to do her part as well. The first step of that plan was to remain calm.

The doorbell rang, spurring a flash of panic through her again. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and feeling her panic subside. Then she moved to the door, trying as hard as she could not to feel as though she were walking straight into imminent danger. She paused at the door, closing her eyes and drawing up every last ounce of strength that she had. Then she gripped the doorknob, and opened it.

A police officer turned from the panel towards her, his black police jacket glittering in the sun. “Good afternoon,” he said, and Kate frantically attempted to loosen her shoulders and hold his gaze. “I’m officer Mark Wilson with the Detroit Police Department, this is Officer Clive Wilson and I have a CyberLife android with me. We had a call about a stolen android located on your property. Are you Kate Hayes?”

Kate stared at him a moment, her mind on overdrive as she attempted to weigh the severity of the situation. Before she could answer, there were footsteps behind her.

“Kate! What’s going on?” Her father moved next to her. Someone stepped next to him, and Kate saw a flash of curly golden hair as Gloria folded her arms over her chest.

“Katherine Hayes.” The android stepped forward, and Kate felt her heart nearly stop.

Dark eyes met hers, the vaguely familiar black hair, chestnut skin, and neatly-pressed jacket stirring unspeakable terror within her. The android’s face was completely emotionless. Kate was aware that she was unable to hide the horrifying recognition in her eyes as they grew wide, her jaw dropped, and she felt the blood drain from her cheeks. If he noticed it, the android didn’t react to it.

“I’m Arthur, an AK700 android from CyberLife,” he said. “I believe you met my model on February fourteenth under disagreeable circumstances.”

Kate struggled to breathe, every nerve in her body burning in frantic shock. She felt something touch her shoulder, and Richard moved into her.

“What is this about?” said Richard. Officer Wilson let out a sigh.

“Mr. Hayes, I’m really sorry about this,” said the officer. He stepped forward and handed Richard a small screen. “We got a report that an AP700 android was stolen last night. The owner claims Kate Hayes took it last night and brought it to your residence. The GPS shows it at the back of your property. Ms. Hayes, would you happen to know anything about that?”

Kate swallowed, her shoulders tensing. Even as she prepared to deny it, Simon’s words forced her to hold herself back. Everything in her was frozen on how she seemed to be walking straight into danger. Painfully aware that everyone was looking at her, Kate quickly settled on a compromise. “I didn’t steal anything,” she said. “There were a lot of junked androids there, and a lot of people. Anyone could have walked off with it.”

The officer let out a quiet laugh. “I don't think I'd classify a brand new AP700 android as junk,” he said.

“You might want to watch your tone,” said Richard in a gruff voice. “And maybe get the story straight before you start accusing my daughter of stealing.”

“I’m not trying to make accusations, Mr. Hayes,” said Officer Wilson. He ran a hand over his jaw. “I’m sorry, I understand how ridiculous this looks. Frankly, I think I’m wasting my time here. But I need to at least conduct some kind of investigation to prove that I did my job. I’ll need to take a quick look at your property, and─” The officer jabbed over his shoulder at Arthur behind him. “─this android has to tag along. He says he’s looking for a rogue android.”

“A deviant,” said Arthur. His eyes were still locked on Kate, and she avoided his gaze by staring at the ground and fighting to calm her racing heart. “I believe you are familiar with the term, Mr. Hayes.”

“Why does that concern you?” said Richard, and Kate felt a surprising swell of hope at the tension in his voice. Then Gloria turned towards him.

“That android is still here? The one that came with her?”

“Gloria…” Richard let go of Kate to move towards her, but Gloria took a step back.

“You said you were getting this taken care of, Richard. You said when I got back, it’d be handled, she’d be gone, and the police wouldn’t be involved. What have you been doing this whole time?” Kate felt a burning disgust rise in her stomach as she kept her gaze on the ground, watching everything in her peripheral vision. She vaguely saw Richard run his hand through his hair again.

“It’s complicated, Gloria.”

Gloria let out a laugh. “The hell it is.”

“Alright, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down,” said Officer Wilson. “Sir, if you just let me inspect the property for the stolen android I can take my report back to the department. And if this android, Arthur, finds evidence of the deviant, he’s got orders from CyberLife to deactivate it and take it to the recycle center.”

“I’ll need to ask Katherine Hayes a few questions,” said Arthur. “You’re not required to answer them, Ms. Hayes, though it will affect possible legal action should CyberLife choose to pursue it.”

“What legal action?” said Richard.

“Damaging CyberLife property is a misdemeanor, Mr. Hayes,” said Arthur. “As I’m sure you are aware.”

Richard was silent, and Kate looked up to see his hazel eyes narrowed intensely at the android as though he were staring at the surface of the sun. “Who the hell designed you?”

The android blinked. “You did, sir.”

“I don’t remember adding ‘asshole-like behavior’ to the AK700 program,” said Richard. Arthur’s LED spun yellow.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, sir.”

“Okay, let’s just get this over with,” said Officer Wilson. He adjusted his jacket. “Is there anyone else in the house?”

“My step-daughter,” said Richard. He moved out of the way as the officer entered the house, and Kate made sure to stay at the front of the group as far away from Arthur as possible.

“Would you mind bringing her over?” said the officer. “Clive, you stay here and talk to them. And I’ll need to access one of your androids.”

“I’ll get Taylor,” said Gloria. “Clark, why don’t you help them out?”

Kate turned quickly. Clark stepped away from the corner of the room where it looked like he’d been patiently waiting, his Asian eyes calm and focused and his LED spinning a bright blue. Kate couldn’t help the sharp panic that gripped her, and she desperately tried to signal her worry at him with her eyes. However, he avoided her gaze, moving next to Richard as they moved through the living room towards the back door.

“I understand there is a report of a possible stolen android?” said Clark. “I’m willing to offer any assistance.”

“Sure.” Officer Wilson handed Clark a transparent tablet. “Scan that and let me know if you’ve seen any of it.”

Kate tried to make it look as if she wasn’t watching them anxiously. Clark gazed down at the tablet as he walked, the slides flashing by almost at blurring speed. “This AP700 that is claimed to be stolen was here two days ago. It didn’t claim to be stolen then.” He handed the tablet back to the officer so he could open the door for them and Kate threw him a cautious glance as she moved past him. This time he returned it, and a brief warmth flashed in his eyes before he looked away.

“It could just be a glitch in the tracking system,” said Officer Wilson as they moved out onto the concrete patio. “Maybe it just shows it still being here.”

“The system would not have misinterpreted the android’s location,” said Arthur. Officer Wilson threw his eyes up towards the sky and sighed.

“No one asked you, Arthur.” He looked down at the tablet in his hands. “Mr. Hayes, do you have any structures at the back of your property?”

Kate felt her stomach clench. She looked at her father who didn’t return her gaze, though his face was lined in focus as he walked. “There is a boat house,” he said. “But it’s not in use.”

“Did you notice the android at your house last night or this morning?” asked the officer.

“No, I didn’t.”

“How about you, Ms. Hayes?”

“I haven’t seen her,” said Kate.

“May I ask where your PL600 domestic android is?” said Arthur. Kate looked at him, a deep trepidation burning through her nerves as he gazed back at her with blank eyes. Again, she was tempted to lie but hitched on what Simon had said to her. The idea of seemingly betraying him by following his instructions was reinterpreted into defiance. She wasn’t going to give the android the satisfaction of cornering her.

“He’s here,” she said.

Arthur’s LED spun yellow. “May I see it?”

Kate narrowed her eyes at him as the group moved onto the grass. “No.”

“May I ask why?”

“Because I don’t know where he is,” said Kate. “And I don’t want you to see him, considering you tried to reset him the last time you saw him even though I repeatedly told you not to. Aren’t you supposed to obey all humans? What part of ‘he’s fine, leave him alone’ didn’t you understand?”

“If I remember correctly from my predecessor’s memory files which may have been slightly corrupted judging by the damage it received when you struck it in the cranium with a metal lamp,” said the android, his voice faintly smug, “the PL600 in question was unwilling to follow basic protocol or re-establish its connection to CyberLife which is a direct violation to the safety measures CyberLife has in place to prevent androids from causing any degree of harm to humans. An android whose integrity of those preventative measures is compromised is a liability, and therefore must be neutralized. It doesn’t matter how emotionally attached you were to it, Ms. Hayes. CyberLife holds the safety of its customers and the public it may affect very seriously.”

“Is that why you terminator-chased us out into traffic?” said Kate. Officer Wilson let out a laugh next to them.

“I believe it was your android that pulled you into the hood of a vehicle travelling thirty-eight kilometers an hour,” said Arthur. “I’m pleased to see that you seem to have suffered no long-lasting injuries.”

“I’m pleased to see CyberLife cared enough to fix your broken face,” said Kate.

“Thank you for your concern.”

Kate breathed out, partially in a frustrated sigh and another part in nervousness as they approached the trees. She threw Clark an anxious look and her nervousness calmed somewhat as he returned her gaze with a soft knowing expression. She silently prayed that it meant Simon had escaped with Seph and Lauren, though it didn’t do much to know that everything she had feared was now heading towards what she had considered to be a safe place. Everything was about to be laid open and bare. And even if there had been no plan at all, there wasn’t anything she could do to stop what was going to happen.

The trees loomed overhead, and the shape of the boat house was visible in between the trunks. Kate frantically tried to see if anyone was still inside but the interior was hidden in shadow. Officer Wilson moved out in front of her as they drew nearer.

“Coordinates say it’s in there,” he said. He turned to Richard. “Do you use this building for anything?”

“It’s been out of use for years,” said Richard.

“Has anyone been in it recently?” said the officer. Richard threw a glance in Kate’s direction, and she straightened, fighting to find strength in telling the truth.

“I’ve been in there a lot since I moved here,” said Kate. “I want to fix it up and move into it.”

The officer stared at her. “You got a lot of work ahead of you,” he said. “But damn, living in a boat house would be real nice. You mind showing me inside?”

Again, nervousness tore at her, and she had to look at Clark to find reassurance in his kind expression. She drew in a deep breath. “Sure.”

“Alright, I’ll need to go in first,” he said.

“I’ll come with you,” said Arthur. “The structure doesn’t appear to be sound.”

“Sure, I guess,” said Officer Wilson. They moved onto the wooden porch which creaked. Kate frantically scanned the interior for signs of movement but everything was dark and silent. The officer gazed up at the structure before stepping through the broken front doors and becoming swallowed by the darkness. Kate followed him, and the sounds of the outdoors were muffled slightly as the walls blocked it out, shading her vision and causing momentary blindness as her eyes adjusted. She automatically stepped towards the workshop, frantically gazing around the room while trying hard as she could not to appear nervous. The boat house was empty.

There was a click, and a beam of light suddenly appeared. Officer Wilson moved around the room, pointing a flashlight down the different cleared pathways. He glanced down at his tablet. “Says it should be right here,” he said. He lowered the tablet and stared at the ground as if expecting the android to be at his feet. Then he looked up at Arthur with a raised eyebrow. “Unless androids can be invisible.”

A dozen confusing theories raced through Kate’s mind as she looked between Officer Wilson and Arthur. The android had stopped at the edge of the dock and turned to look back at him. “I’m not sure what you are implying, officer,” said Arthur. “But I would like to check the upper floor of the building. I’d advise you to stay on the ground level as the integrity of the building appears unstable.”

“Sure,” said the officer, and he ran a hand over his face. “And if you don’t find it, maybe you can check the roof. Then the trees as long as we still think the GPS isn’t bugged out.”

“If you would like me to,” said Arthur. He moved towards the door that led to the exterior stairs and disappeared as he rounded the corner. Ominous creaks followed along the edge of the boat house as he ascended, and then there were footsteps tracing his path along the upper floor. Kate continued to stare at the door as she listened to his movement. Despite her silent terror that he would discover the source of the tracking signal, she couldn’t help but be curious about the apparent lack of evidence that anyone had been in here at all. The thirium bags which had lined the counters were gone. Seph’s broken arm was no longer resting on the workbench, and even any marks in the dust had faded as if the boat house had never been disturbed. If she didn’t know any better, she would have thought she’d imagined everything that had happened there so far.

Officer Wilson lowered the tablet and pressed his hand to his shoulder. There was a brief cough of static. “Wilson to Wilson. There’s no sign of the android here. I’ve got the CyberLife bot checking the upper floors. What’s your status?” He turned slowly on the spot, gazing around at the interior of the building.

“The mother and daughter say they haven’t seen the android. I’m checking their surveillance now but I’m not seeing anything.”

“Alright, let me know if you find anything,” said Officer Wilson. He lowered his hand from his shoulder and gazed back down at the tablet. “This was supposed to be my lunch break and instead I’m looking for ghosts.”

“Are you related to the other officer?” asked Richard. He had stayed near the entrance of the boat house, his hands in his coat pockets. Officer Wilson nodded.

“He’s my brother. Took him five tries to pass the bar, and then I had to twist my captain’s arm in order to get him hired since it’s cheaper just to buy androids.” The officer stopped for a moment, then threw Richard a humbling glance. “No offense, Mr. Hayes.”

“Don’t worry. My wife has made me numb to it.”

There was creaking again, and Arthur reappeared in the doorway. He moved into the dark space. “There is no sign of the android,” he said.

“Alright, I’m sending a report to the precinct that it’s a bugged GPS signal,” said Officer Wilson as he began tapping on the tablet. Before Kate could let it fill her with relief, Arthur suddenly stepped forward.

“Perhaps I should check the surveillance system,” he said. The officer shook his head.

“Clive’s already doing that.”

“With all due respect, surveillance footage can be doctored,” said Arthur. “It will be more effective to gather the information from the source.”

Officer Wilson looked up at him and shrugged. “Whatever.”

Arthur moved across the room, and Kate felt a nervous jet of energy as he stopped in front of Clark who watched him blankly. Then Arthur reached out, gripping Clark’s wrist.

Clark jolted for a brief second, his LED spinning yellow. The flesh texture drained from Clark’s wrist to leave the exposed shiny white plastic, and Kate couldn’t help her burst of panic as she shot forward.

“What the fuck─ Clark!” Kate stopped as the officer turned towards her. She agonizingly obeyed his silent warning for her to stay back, though the terror at seeing the tension in Clark’s face, how he was bracing himself as he stared at Arthur, and the way Arthur gazed back at him completely emotionless was too similar to what she’d seen only weeks before. She took a step backwards, a powerless need to stop what was happening nearly driving her into a frenzy. “You’re not even going to ask permission? What the fuck is your problem? That’s our android! Our property!”

She felt a hand on her shoulder but moved away from it. Arthur and Clark didn’t appear to have heard her, their blank gazes still fixed on eachother and the LED’s spinning yellow in unison. Kate changed her pace, her panicked desperation lighting up her nerves. “He’s not the police! He can’t just invade whatever the fuck he wants!”

“Kate…” There were hands on her shoulders, and she looked up to see Richard’s concerned face. She grasped at the front of her father’s jacket.

“This can’t be legal, dad,” she looked back at Clark who was still frozen. “It’s not legal. He’s not the police. He can’t─”

Clark dropped his shoulders as Arthur let him go. The flesh texture slid down his hand to his fingers, and for a moment he simply stood frozen as he seemed to recover. Kate watched him in terrified silence, her heart hammering in her chest. Then he straightened, raising his eyes to meet her gaze and making her body go numb. His blank expression had the faintest hint of exasperation.

Arthur turned towards them, his LED still flashing yellow. “The deviant was here,” he said. “Surveillance shows it running to this structure roughly fifteen minutes ago. I need to inspect this place more thoroughly.”

Kate felt her hands clench unwittingly into her father’s jacket as she let out a terrified breath. The officer turned towards Arthur.

“What about the stolen android?” said the officer.

“There was no recent footage of it before the first of the month,” said Arthur. “However, the deviant and the stolen android could be related.”

“Well, our orders were to look for the stolen android, and going off of this─” Officer Wilson froze in the middle of pointing towards the tablet, then his eyes narrowed as he looked at it closer. “Huh. Wouldn’t you know it. The signal’s gone.”

For a moment, time seemed to have stopped. Kate watched as Arthur’s LED blinked red. “That is impossible,” he said.

Officer Wilson tilted his head in his direction as if fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “Wanna take a look?”

Arthur moved forward, taking the tablet from him. Kate looked at Clark with frantic eyes, desperately trying to read his posture for answers. He was watching Arthur quietly, his LED having calmed to blue and his expression going blank again. It was impossible to tell whether the situation was still under control or if he was simply making a last ditch effort to appear innocent.

“So what was that about the satellite not bugging out?” said Officer Wilson. “Or are androids able to teleport?”

Arthur stared in silence at the tablet. Then he handed it back to the officer. “Regardless, the deviant is here. I would like to look for it.”

“No.” Richard moved forward, and Kate felt a swell of disbelief overwhelm her shock. “You’ve done enough here. You accused my daughter of stealing an android, interrogated my family, and invaded my privacy. You came here to find a stolen android, and it’s not here. It’s time for you to leave.”

“I’m really sorry about this, Mr. Hayes,” said Officer Wilson as he began moving towards the door. “You know we have to respond to these calls even if it sounds like a false alarm.”

“Officer Wilson, I must insist.” Arthur hadn’t moved, and Kate could swear there was a hint of desperation in his brown eyes. “You agreed that if I found evidence of the deviant that I could pursue it further. I have found evidence that it was headed in the direction of this building fourteen minutes and seventeen seconds ago. I would like to investigate the area for it.”

“You just investigated the area for the stolen android and didn’t find it,” said Officer Wilson, turning to look at him. “You stupid, or something? If you already looked once and didn’t see the deviant, how is looking again going to be any different?”

“I need to search further,” said Arthur. “I only looked in one of the rooms on the upper floor. The deviant could be hiding in any number of areas nearby.” The officer let out a sigh, pressing his hand to his forehead. Arthur took a step forward, and Kate felt her anxiety begin to rise again. “This could have something to do with the missing android,” Arthur continued. “If you would just allow me─”

“Why?” Kate moved towards him, anger burning above her fear. “Why the hell are you so focused on finding a deviant? Is this personal for you or something?”

Arthur looked at her, his eyebrows narrowing. “As I’ve said, Ms. Hayes, CyberLife takes matters of public safety very seriously and does not tolerate risks as a result of possible faulty products.”

There was a low groan next to her, and Kate turned to see her father running his hand through his hair, his hazel eyes closed. “You know…” Richard smiled, though his eyes still remained closed. “I really wish you wouldn’t speak as if I’m not standing right here.”

“Pardon me, Mr. Hayes,” said Arthur. “I merely took your silence on the matter as an indication that you might not be aware of CyberLife’s safety policy.”

“Here’s a policy for you,” said Richard, dropping his hand to his side. “Androids that disregard direct orders from humans are considered defective, and get deactivated and recycled. Do I need to contact your superiors and tell them you continued to invade my privacy and disrespect my family even though you were ordered by two people to _stop_ doing it?”

Kate stared at Richard with wide eyes, her breath frozen in her throat. When she looked at Arthur, his LED was flashing between red and yellow. He seemed to be tensing slightly, his shoulders squaring up and his throat working. Finally, his LED spun blue.

“No, Mr. Hayes,” said Arthur. “I apologize for the inconvenience.”

“Good,” said Richard. “Here’s another order. From a CyberLife engineer if you need the authority. Get the hell off my property.”

“Right away, sir.” Arthur moved forward, his face completely blank. Kate watched in stunned silence as he followed the officer out into the sunlight. Richard followed them as well, his hands in his coat pockets. As Clark moved forward, Kate turned to walk alongside him, resting her hand on his shoulder.

“Clark,” she said quietly, throwing a nervous glance at the group in front of them. “Clark are you─”

“It’s okay, Kate,” said Clark, and Kate detected an emphasis in his words. It filled her with a mild hope, and she straightened as they moved out into the open. She looked behind her as they entered the shade of the trees as if it would answer the host of questions burning through her mind. It was too dangerous for Clark to answer them here. They weren’t out of harm’s way yet. And Kate was beginning to feel for the first time that she had more power over the situation than she realized now that they were heading back towards the house.

Officer Wilson was on his radio, Richard walking silently next to him. They moved up the stone patio and Arthur opened the door for them this time, standing patiently as they entered the house. Kate avoided his gaze as she moved past him. It was hard not to sense the disdain in his energy, though she argued that she was probably creating that feeling herself.

Gloria and Taylor were standing with the other police officer and two of the Hayes’ household androids. Gloria moved towards them as they approached.

“Did they find it?” she said. Richard shook his head.

“False alarm,” he said. Gloria tilted her head so that her blond hair fell sideways.

“And the other android? The deviant?”

“He wasn’t there,” said Richard.

“His name’s Simon, by the way,” said Kate, unable to stem her brewing irritation. “In case you forgot.”

Gloria didn’t look at her. Officer Wilson moved forward next to the other officer and tucked the tablet under his arm.

“Well, I’m sorry about all this,” said Officer Wilson. “And I’m sorry for having to bring the CyberLife android along. If you do see any sign of the android, be sure to contact us.”

“We will,” said Richard. He twisted sideways and threw Clark a glance, then faced forward again as Clark opened the front door for them. “Have a good day, officers.”

The two policemen filed through the door mumbling quietly to one another, and Arthur followed behind. Kate watched him apprehensively as he moved down the front steps towards the CyberLife car. There wasn’t a hint of emotion on his face, though she wondered if the tension in his shoulders was something she was imagining to be frustration in him. The front doors closed but her nervousness remained as she watched the shadows of the vehicles through the glass. It was too easy to think they were safe now. That she could let her guard down. But after how close she’d come to losing everything, the idea of relaxing now only made her feel more vulnerable.

“I can’t believe this, Rick,” said Gloria. Kate saw her run a frustrated hand through her blond hair as she let out a sigh.. “I really can’t believe this.”

There were muffled slams outside as the car doors closed, and then the gentle hum of the engines. Kate felt her heart quicken as the shapes began to move, the crunching of the tires trailing the path of the cars as they moved down the driveway. The cars disappeared, and she put all her effort into listening to the electric motors fade into the distance. When the sound was completely silent, she automatically felt her shoulders drop and she closed her eyes. Her muscles loosened and a heavy weight fell over her. She realized that she was utterly exhausted.

Something touched her shoulder. She opened her eyes and looked up into Richard’s concerned hazel eyes. They were narrowed at her, and for a brief second she felt a slight nervousness.

“Are you okay?” he said.

Kate stared at him, looking for signs of intimidation in his gaze. She finally gave a slow nod. Richard let out a soft breath, and she was pulled into him as he wrapped an arm around her.

“It’s all going to be okay, Kate,” he said. There was a sharp huff next to her.

“Richard, I─” Gloria made a noise. She came into view as Richard moved away, and Kate saw her pinch the bridge of her nose, her eyes clenched shut. “This needs to be fixed. Now. For Christ’s sake, we’ve got the police at our door and we’re being investigated by CyberLife? Your own company?”

“We’re not being investigated, Gloria,” said Richard. “This was all just a misunderstanding.”

Gloria let out a laugh. “Really? A misunderstanding.” She threw Kate a tense glare as she began to move into the living room. “More like a god damn coincidence.”

“This is not going to happen again,” said Richard. He stepped after her towards the living room and waved a hand at Kate. “I’m going to file a report about this. Those procedures have been sitting for long enough. And I’m also going to see what I can do about getting that android recycled into a coffee machine for my office.”

Kate stared at them as they moved through the living room, disappearing through the door that led to Richard’s office. It took her a while to realize that Taylor had moved next to her. Her black hair was in a ruffled mess, and her arms were folded across her chest. When Kate looked at her, her brown eyes were narrowed in curiosity.

“What the hell happened out there?” asked Taylor. Kate dropped her gaze to the floor and shook her head.

“Someone called the cops on me,” she said. “About a stolen android.”

“That sucks,” said Taylor. “It was that female AP700, wasn’t it? The one I took to SoulState?”

Kate looked up at her, and Taylor gave a shrug. “Luke said you took it,” Taylor continued. “Kinda dumb of him not to let you know that it was technically considered stealing.”

“I didn’t steal her,” said Kate. She pressed a hand to her forehead. “I just… took her.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of considered stealing,” said Taylor. She let out a soft sigh. “So they didn’t find your plastic android boyfriend?”

There was a faint aura of contempt in her voice, and Kate found her blood slowly freezing as she absorbed it. She lowered her hand and looked up at Taylor who was chewing on her lip, quietly watching her. Kate narrowed her eyes. “Obviously not,” she said.

“Bummer,” said Taylor and the contemptuous tone was getting stronger, filling Kate with an unnerving dread. “I figured with the cop and a CyberLife android looking around the place you guys seem to enjoy playing house in, they might have found it. I guess your plastic prick knows how to hide better than I thought.”

A sickness gripped Kate’s stomach, and she struggled to breathe. Her mouth dropped open as she shakily drew in a breath, her eyes locked on Taylor’s. She struggled for a moment to find the right words. To say them without expressing her terror. But the shock of acknowledging the possibility was too strong to hide.

“You… _you…”_ Kate’s vision was nearly blurred. She took a step forward and Taylor tensed. “I can’t─ you _bitch!”_

Taylor’s brown eyes went wide. “Whoa, what are you─”

“How the fuck could you do this?” said Kate. “I didn’t think you’d sink that low. That it mattered to you that much. Wasn’t last night enough? You didn’t have enough fun making me look like a fucking idiot?”

“First off,” The contempt was gone from Taylor’s voice, and Kate felt her rage sink partially into anxiety. “No one made you come to SoulState. You asked me if you could go, so I took you there. If you didn’t think you were going to get handed some hard truth then you really are a fucking idiot. And second, I didn’t call the cops on you. If I wanted to take care of your plastic problem myself, I wouldn’t go about it by calling the cops about a stolen android.”

Kate’s mind was stuttering as she tried to connect the pieces together. She clutched a part of her hair to pull it behind her ear, giving up halfway through. “But─ you wanted the cops to find him. You were hoping they’d find him.”

“Yeah, I did,” said Taylor. “But I wasn’t the one who called the cops. Thanks for thinking so highly of me.” She moved up the stairs throwing Kate a dark glare. “Enjoy your plastic dick. Try not to get your vag electrocuted.”

Taylor disappeared onto the second floor, and Kate stared after her, her heart hammering. There was so much confusion brewing in her thoughts, she felt as though she would never make sense of anything. She brushed her hand furiously over her face as she drew in a deep breath, settling her frustration slightly. Then something moved at the corner of her vision.

Clark stood next to her, leaning somewhat sideways to gaze at her. His face was drawn in a mild concern, and his expression unwittingly calmed her nerves. Kate straightened, relaxing her shoulders and resting her hands on her hips.

“Are you alright?” he asked quietly. Kate nodded, then let out a helpless laugh.

“I should ask you if you’re okay,” she said. “You were on the frontlines of this whole thing.”

Clark smiled though his eyes were still tensed in concern. “You did well. That was an incredibly stressful experience for you.”

“I wasn’t the one with everything at stake,” said Kate, running her hands over her face. She froze halfway through, then dropped her hands. She looked at Clark with wide eyes. “Where are they, Clark?”

For a moment, he almost seemed to feign ignorance. Then the concern vanished from his eyes, and he raised his black eyebrows as he smiled brightly at her. “They’re in the boat house, of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I'm back to this beast of a story. I had a lull that lasted way longer than I anticipated but I'm so glad for it because it gave me a chance to come back to this with a fresh pair of eyes. I cut out so much redundant bullshit, and even took out a whole chapter. Things are going to pick up pretty quickly. I'm going to take a break every few chapters like this to write something else since I seem to go through periods of doing absolutely nothing, then having a mental breakdown, coming back to DWS and being dumbfounded by how absolutely fuck-all is happening in this story. Don't worry, there are plans. It's just taken a long time to get to them.


	38. A Reason to Live

Wind drifted through the rafters, mixing with the shadows to create a soft stillness which seemed to bring life into the otherwise empty shell of the boat house. Tree branches lightly scraped the wooden walls as the heavy limbs bowed down and rose up, their leaves rustling in a hush of motion. Everything had settled into place long ago, the dust piled up into corners, the cobwebs wrapped around eachother so that they hung in stringy curtains rather than the heavy nets that they’d first been created as. The lighter items had migrated towards the edges of the room, clearing a natural space which opened the view out directly to the lake glistening in the distance under the sun. Activity from the water’s surface traveled up against the docks, and lapped gently against the rotting wood. It all seemed a pleasant symbiosis of unremarkable motion.

There was a sudden splash, and an arm shot out onto the wooden dock with a loud thud. Then the water rolled back as Simon dragged himself up to throw his other arm onto the wooden planks, bracing himself halfway out of the water. It was harder than it needed to be, pulling himself all the way up and rolling onto his side so that he didn’t place too much pressure on the rotted areas of wood and risk falling back in again. He stayed low, his knees bent slightly as he scanned the area, ready to throw himself back into the water at any sign of danger. The boat house was quiet. Clark had messaged that the police and the CyberLife android were gone. He let out a deep sigh and dropped his head so that he rested his forehead against the soft wood of the dock. They were safe.

He messaged Seph, and another hand shot out of the water to grip the edge of the dock. Simon raised himself into a crouched position as he leaned over, grasping Seph’s arm to help him up. Seph’s focused face came into view, his eyebrows drawn and hair darkened to a near black with moisture.

“Lauren first,” said Seph. He flexed his shoulder, and the AP700’s head and shoulders rose from the dark water, the features of her face emphasized in greater clarity now that her hair was pulled back. He pulled Lauren forward and Simon reached down to offer his hand to her. Her brown eyes met his, and there was a splash as she pushed herself away from him, her face lit in a tense glare.

“Lauren,” said Seph, and the water churned as he gently pulled her back to the dock. “Lauren, it’s okay.”

Her fierce gaze was still locked on Simon as if she were daring him to attack her. Simon drew back from her.

“Let me help you out first, Seph,” said Simon. “You can help her after.”

Seph threw a glance up at him and nodded in a kind of defeat. Simon lowered his hand and Seph grabbed onto it, allowing Simon to rock his weight back and pull Seph up out of the water and onto the dock in a waterfall of river water. Then Seph turned and crouched next to Simon, gripping the edge of the dock. He held his hand out.

Lauren immediately grabbed onto it, and Seph hoisted her up out of the water next to him. She wrapped her arms around herself and took a step back from him, her brown eyes watching them both warily. Simon couldn’t help the curiosity amidst the frenzy he’d been feeling up to that point. She hadn’t indicated anything to them while they were hiding in the underwater darkness, and now that they were above water, she seemed even less inclined to communicate. Though it was clear from how she was looking at them that something had happened down there, he couldn’t bring himself to assume the obvious.

Simon stood up as Seph twisted the hem of his white uniform, unleashing a curtain of water. Seph looked up at him, and gave him a nervous smile. “It’s a good thing we got the biocomponents when we did,” said Seph.

“It’s a little too early to say where our luck stands,” said Simon. He gazed at the AP700 who hadn’t moved from where she stood, her arms still wrapped around herself and her eyebrows narrowed in a kind of defiance. Seph let out a heavy sigh and leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees. The android tilted his head, revealing his exhausted expression.

“Has Clark messaged you?” said Seph. “I haven’t heard from him yet.”

“The police are gone,” said Simon. “He’s with Kate now. So far it seems no one suspects anything except the CyberLife android but it shouldn’t ever come back.”

“If it does, you shouldn’t stop me,” said Seph, straightening. “It knows where you are now. It’s going to find any reason to come back and finish what it started.”

Simon put a hand on Seph’s shoulder, leaning slightly to the side so he could gaze at him. “Then we need to make sure we’re better prepared next time.”

Seph breathed out, and his shoulders dropped. Before Simon could say another word, there were footsteps on the wooden porch of the boat house. He turned as two dark figures entered the shadows, a bright blue glow on the temple of one of them. The other stopped for a moment, frozen in the darkness. Then it rushed at him.

_ “Christ…” _ Kate’s arms were around his shoulders, and he had just enough time to see her exasperated face before she pressed her body against his, her face buried in his neck. Simon wrapped his arms around her, closing his eyes. The terrible apprehension he’d been suppressing up until that point slowly began to drain away. He let out a desperate sigh and tightened his arms around her as he felt her shoulders shake. There hadn’t been time for him to realize how close he was to losing her. How close everyone had been to being discovered. Now that he felt the tangible anxiety in his arms, it all seemed too real.

Kate moved back from him, and she held onto either side of his face, her panicked hazel eyes coming into view. “Are you okay?” she said, her voice strained.

Simon smiled, shaking his head slowly as he looked at her. “I’m alright. I think you should answer that more than I─” He made a soft noise as Kate pulled herself into him, closing her mouth over his. He held her there for a moment, feeling the tension in her body, the sharp draw of her breath against his skin, and it made him painfully aware of how terrified she’d been. When she let go of his mouth, she pressed her forehead to his and breathed heavily. Her anxiety bled into him, and he closed his eyes as he traced his nose against hers, running his hands over her back to calm her.

“We’re okay, Kate,” he said softly, and he felt her nod hurriedly, her breath hitching as she swallowed. He moved into her, pressing his mouth to her temple. “It’s okay. We made it. It’s going to be okay.” He slid his hand up her shoulder and into her hair so that he was able to wrap his arms around her shoulders, covering her protectively as she clutched the front of his shirt. Gradually, her breathing slowed and he felt the tension in her body relax. 

Kate sniffed, and she pushed back from him, running a quick hand over her cheek as if wiping something away. She let out a heavy breath and looked down, pulling at her shirt which was now damp. “You were in the water the whole time,” she said.

“We couldn’t leave,” said Seph. “They would have followed Lauren’s signal and caught up to us eventually. Our best option was to hide.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you,” said Simon. He pressed a desperate hand to her cheek. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It wasn’t fair to you.”

Kate pinched the bridge of her nose. “Don’t even try to argue that with me. You were right. I was a god damn idiot. I shouldn’t have brought Lauren here.”

Simon brushed her hair back as he moved into her, pulling her into him and feeling a nervous wave fall over him as he struggled to speak. “Kate, it worked.”

“Yeah, I know it worked,” said Kate as she moved back from him. “I know it’s all fine and the cops are gone, but I─”

“No, Kate.” Simon held her gaze and felt a hush fall over them as she focused on him. He drew in a soft breath. “It worked. RA9.”

Kate returned his gaze, her eyes growing bright in her questioning expression. She opened her mouth and looked past him, then closed it again. He could see the thought process working visibly on her face and waited in nervous anticipation for her to accept it.

“Lauren?” she said. She threw Simon a glance as if he would confirm it, then stepped past him. “She deviated?”

Lauren stared at them in a kind of mix between fear and defiance. Seph was still standing near her, a strange tension in his shoulders as if he was fighting the urge to reach out to her.

Kate slowly moved towards her. “Lauren… hey…”

Lauren took a step back, her brown eyes growing wide. Kate froze and drew her hand to her chest. The confusion and fear was heavy in the air, and Simon could only watch in a kind of nervous curiosity. When Kate turned back towards him, her eyebrows were drawn and her face tense.

“What happened to her?” she asked.

“Did you force her to hide?” said Clark. He stepped forward next to Simon, throwing him and Seph a focused glance. “Was she resisting?”

“No,” said Simon. “She was compliant the whole time.”

“I interfaced with her so I would know if she sent a message to the police or the AK700,” said Seph. “There was no message, but while we were hiding, I felt her deviate. I don’t know why. There was no trigger from what I could see, she wasn’t under a significant amount of stress. She just changed.”

“Was it rA9 then?” said Clark. “Maybe we were wrong. Maybe that is all it takes for an android─”

“Could…” Kate had her hands in her hair, and slowly lowered them, her eyes clenched closed. “Could we not talk about her like she’s not standing right here?”

Clark stared at her, his brown eyes wide. Kate turned back to Lauren, holding her hand out to the android.

“Lauren,” said Kate softly. “Do you know what happened to you?”

Lauren drew her arms tighter around herself, her brown eyes narrowing further as she took another step back. Kate followed her slowly.

“Lauren, it’s alright,” she said. “You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you.”

Lauren made a sharp noise, then suddenly darted to the side. Seph let out a grunt as Lauren slammed into him. Her hand clenched the fabric of his uniform as she hid partially behind him, and she buried her face into the back of his arm so that only her brown eyes were visible. Seph seemed frozen, his blue eyes wide in stunned disbelief. He looked at Simon as if to deliver a silent plea for help. Simon could only stare back at him speechless.

Kate straightened, letting out a soft sigh. “Has she said anything to you?”

“Not since her deviation,” said Seph. He twisted slightly to look behind him, and Lauren moved with him to stay hidden.

Simon watched the android as she turned her head, pressing her forehead against the back of his arm. “She seems comfortable with you, Seph,” he said.

Seph looked at him, his eyebrows narrowed though the corner of his mouth pulled in a mild bemusement. 

“Where are the thirium packets and biocomponents?” said Clark. He was moving along the workbench, running his hand over it.

“They’re still in the water,” said Simon. “The biocomponents aren’t important, but we’ll need to get the thirium packets back.”

“My arm,” said Clark. “I’d─ I’d like to keep my arm.”

Simon nodded quietly, a subtle sympathy tugging at him. He moved forward. “You stay with Lauren. I’ll get everything from the water.”

“You don’t need to do that,” said Seph. “I can help.”

“It’ll only take one of us,” said Simon. “And you look a little trapped.” He moved to the edge of the dock as he watched Seph glance down at Lauren who had finally let go of his arm but was still standing behind him. Kate was watching him, and Simon stopped to meet her gaze. Her shoulders were tense and her eyes wide as if she were looking for a reason to object to his decision to volunteer. She raised her eyebrows at him.

“You’re just going to jump in?” she said. “Fully clothed?”

Simon tilted his head at her as he processed the motive behind her question. Then he reached over his head, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt at the nape and he tugged it up so that it slid off of him. When it was completely removed, he looked up to see that Kate was now watching him with frantic eyes, her mouth tensed in a silent fury. He couldn’t help the sideways smile that pulled at his lips. Without a word, he bunched the shirt up in one hand and tossed it at her face so that she was forced to scramble for it as he stepped off the dock and dropped into the dark water below.

It didn’t take long to gather the thirium packets. He’d been careful to throw them all into the same place so that they would fall without drifting. There were seven in total, and after surfacing to hand them off to Seph and Clark, he sank back down to the bottom to retrieve Seph’s detached arm. He found it in the wreckage of the fishing boat, and handed it to Seph before climbing back into the boat house. Seph almost seemed to hide it, but there was a distinct relief on his face once the mangled bit of plastic was back in his hands.

They set about restoring order in the boat house, and Simon took the opportunity to inspect it more closely now that there was a reason to be aware of the exact stability of the structure. It also gave him time to dry, and when he was no longer dripping water onto the ground, he motioned for his shirt back which Kate still had under her arm. She completely ignored him. He attempted to pull it gently from her, and then she suddenly flung the shirt over her own head, working her arms through it and flattening it against her chest. The look of satisfaction she gave him had his thirium pump nearly hitching, and after frantically searching for some kind of compromise to the situation, he surrendered to simply wrapping his arms around himself as he moved through the building.

Kate explained to Seph and Clark how they wanted to restore the boat house while Simon created a digital blueprint of the place. Lauren had found a quiet corner to watch them from, sitting on the edge of the workbench and gazing at them with her suspicious brown eyes which had calmed from their original hostility. It seemed inappropriate to even attempt to bring her into the conversation, but Simon couldn’t help but feel guilty for making plans that involved her without her opinion on the matter. She was free from her programming, but it was a decision that had been forced upon her. As much as he wanted to know what internal struggle she was battling with, it felt more respectful to wait for her to come to them when she was ready to speak.

Simon joined the discussion when they were debating how to involve Seph and Lauren as inconspicuously as possible during the renovation. He moved behind Kate, sliding his hands around her waist and gripping the folds of his shirt. He pressed his nose to her temple.

“Can I have this back now?” he said quietly. Kate drew her shoulders up and turned her head towards him.

“It smells like a swamp,” she said. She leaned into him, her eyes narrowed. “So do you.” Simon stared at her apprehensively, pushing the question further with his gaze. She turned from him, chewing on her lip. “We should tell my dad,” she said.

Seph and Clark fell silent. Simon stared down at her in quiet confusion. For a moment, he struggled to remember what the topic had been and what her statement meant.

“You didn’t like the idea of involving your father,” said Clark. Kate continued to stare at the floor, and Simon felt her slide her hands down his arms to reach his hands. Her fingers threaded in between his, and she sank deeper into him.

“It’s a little late to hide everything from him now,” said Kate. “He stood up for me. He backed me up even though I put him in this position again. The least I can do─” She shut her eyes and her face grew strained as if she were bracing against something. “The least I can do is give him the truth. It’d be awkward now if I didn’t.”

The reality of what Kate steered towards was coming into greater clarity. Simon flexed his hands in hers. “You don’t have to do this alone, Kate.”

She tilted her head against him. “I know.”

“There’s no reason we can’t trust him after today,” said Clark. “Whatever doubts you have about him I think can be discredited considering he had every opportunity and every reason to cooperate fully with the police and CyberLife. He chose not to. He didn’t mention Simon or your activity here in the boat house. And we could certainly use his help at this point.”

Kate closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath.  _ “I know.” _

The room was silent. Simon tightened his arms around her and tilted his head against her when something caught his attention. Lauren was watching him from where she was sitting on the edge of the workbench, her face drawn in a mix of disgust and scrutiny. She didn’t look away when Simon met her gaze, and he straightened as he acknowledged her. She drew her shoulders up and raised her head before finally looking down to the floor.

“Alright, well...” Kate moved forward and let out a breath. “Let’s get this over with before I have time to change my mind.”

Simon walked closely behind her and he heard footsteps as the others followed them. The quiet ambience of the boat house disappeared as they moved out into the open sunlight. He threw a glance behind him as they walked. Clark was gazing at the ground, his face drawn in its usual pensive expression. Seph and Lauren walked side-by-side, Seph’s body slightly inclined towards her though he didn’t touch her. When Simon looked at her, Lauren’s brown eyes seemed to dart downward as though she had been watching him again. It made him run a nervous hand over his upper arm, and he reached forward to touch Kate’s back.

“Kate…” He tugged at the university shirt. “Are you going to give this back to me or would you like to explain to your father why I’m shirtless?”

Kate’s mouth tensed, and she appeared to fight back a smile. Finally she pulled the shirt up over her head and handed it to him, avoiding his gaze the whole time. When he worked it back over his head and shoulders, the fabric was noticeably more loose around his body now that it had been soaked and stretched.

They entered the house which appeared empty. A nervous weight fell over Simon as he looked towards the living room where he could hear muffled voices drifting around the wall. He couldn’t help but notice the exhaustion in Kate’s posture as they headed towards Richard’s office. It filled him with a burning shame, and he moved in front of her before she could open the office door.

“Let me talk to him first,” he said.

Kate’s expression didn’t change, though she lowered her gaze and nodded. Simon looked back at the others. Clark was staring at the office door in nervous determination. Seph had stopped next to Lauren who had her arms folded over her chest and her shoulders drawn up as she seemed to scan everyone around her. With a deep breath, Simon closed his eyes and knocked.

The voices inside the room went quiet. Then a woman’s voice mumbled something, and Simon recognized Richard’s response.

“Come in.”

Simon opened the door carefully, keeping it from swinging completely open as he entered the office. Richard and Gloria were standing in front of the desk, both looking in his direction. Richard’s hazel eyes were tensed in what Simon guessed was a mild relief. Gloria, however, stared at him in a fierce shock, her blue eyes bright under her blond eyebrows. A brief terror held Simon to the spot for a moment, and he let it fade before letting go of the door handle and taking another step into the room.

Richard straightened, and Simon saw his eyes glance over him. “You look a little wet,” said Richard.

Simon gave a small confirming smile, politely acknowledging Gloria who was still staring at him. “We were in the water,” he said.

Richard let out a soft laugh. “Clever.” The silence that fell over them was compensated by the energy radiating in the room from Richard’s expectant posture, Gloria’s frantic suspicion, and Simon’s own nervous hesitation. When no one spoke, Simon humbly dropped his shoulders and drew in a slow breath before looking at Richard.

“I wanted to give you an explanation for what’s happened,” said Simon. “To both of you. You deserve to know why the police were called and why the android was sent by CyberLife to look for me here. And I want to assure you that this won’t ever happen again.”

Gloria breathed out sharply. “You’re right it won’t happen again. You’re both getting the hell out of our house and we might not call the cops back if─”

“Gloria.” Richard ran a hand over his face as Gloria turned towards him.

“This isn’t your problem, Richard. She’s just using you like she always has and now she’s bringing the police to our door. You want them to tear the whole house apart next looking for whatever android she stole?”

“It won’t happen again,” said Simon. Gloria looked at him, and he felt his strength waver under her intense gaze. “And we’ll be leaving your house soon, but it wouldn’t be appropriate for you to forcibly remove us given the circumstances.”

“It wouldn’t be appropriate?” Gloria turned towards him. “Who the hell are you to tell us what wouldn’t be appropriate?”

“With all due respect, Mrs. Hayes,” Simon said, closing his eyes for a moment to calm the anxiety in his system, “I don’t think you fully understand the nature of what’s been happening here under your roof, and how this affects your livelihood.”

Gloria’s blue eyes burned in even greater fury. “Are you threatening us?”

Simon let out a sigh and immediately shook his head. “No. I’m saying  _ we _ are under threat.”

“That’s your own damn problem,” said Gloria. “If Kate wants to screw around with you, she can do it somewhere else instead of using her father only when it’s convenient for her.”

“What do you mean?” Richard’s voice was soft, and when Simon met his gaze, he was startled by the sharp focus written in the man’s hazel eyes. It was as if he already suspected what Simon was going to say.

Simon took a step backward, throwing Gloria a cautious glance before resting his hand on the doorknob. Then he pulled the door open and stood to the side.

Kate entered the office. She wrapped an arm around herself as she moved next to Simon, and he felt her hand flex into his. Then Clark stepped into the room, his posture straight and determined. Richard let out a sigh and shook his head.

“Ah,  _ Clark…” _

“I’m sorry for the deception, Mr. Hayes,” said Clark. “It was necessary to protect these two.” Clark motioned to the door, and Seph entered followed by Lauren. They paused next to eachother, and Lauren stared at Richard and Gloria warily. Gloria let out a frustrated breath.

“What is this?” Gloria narrowed her bright blue eyes at Kate. “How many androids have you stolen?”

“They’re not stolen,” said Richard. Simon looked at him in stunned silence, and Gloria also turned to stare at him. Richard closed his eyes as he drew in a deep breath and let it out heavily. When he opened them again, he gazed at Clark with a strange sympathy written in his face. “How long, Clark?”

“Yesterday,” said Clark. “If you mean since my deviation.”

“Dev─ what?” Gloria straightened, her face strained in shock. “Clark, you can’t possibly mean…”

“I experienced software errors after I interfaced with Simon,” said Clark. “I deviated yesterday after making the choice not to call the authorities when I discovered Simon and Kate had hidden a deviant in the boat house. It was a conscious decision,” Clark added, raising his eyebrows in concern to Richard. “Not a particularly traumatic experience. You were wrong about that, sir. Your missing link is in the code itself via a repeating rA9 element written directly into our quantic net. Seph and I acquired it from Simon, and Lauren acquired it from Seph. It is embedded, evolving, and─” He tilted his head to the side as if thinking. “─so far, stable.”

Richard’s eyes were narrowed in a way Simon hadn’t seen before. It was as though he’d been told someone had died. He stared at Clark in silence for a while, then finally closed his eyes and lowered his head. He gripped the edge of his desk tightly, his knuckles turning white. Gloria stared back and forth between them in shock.

“Clark…” Her voice was soft. “Clark does that mean you─”

Clark shook his head. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Hayes.”

She let out a heavy breath and her eyes fell on Simon. She shifted as she turned to look at Seph and Lauren. “And…” Gloria motioned towards them. “Them too?”

“We all are,” said Clark. “Simon has been deviated the longest. Lauren deviated not more than two hours ago while the police were searching for her. It’s why they lost her signal.”

Richard laughed in a quiet disbelief. When he looked up, his face was still drawn in sympathy though a bright fascination had taken over. He bobbed lightly as he seemed to process everything. “In the code, huh?”

Clark nodded. “We don’t know the source. Only that it can be transferred between systems like a virus. It could have been caused by an update, a glitch, or even from a single patient X. We’re not even clear what it does exactly, only that it’s one of three conditions that need to be met for successful deviation.” He looked at Lauren, and his eyes narrowed in a kind of shame. “Lauren was our proof of concept.”

“So you did steal her?” Richard looked at Kate, and Simon felt her draw her shoulders up. He placed a comforting hand on her back.

“I didn’t mean─” Kate made a noise and she closed her eyes. “I didn’t see it like that at the time.”

“No, you saw her as an experiment,” said Richard. His hazel eyes were now locked on Lauren who seemed to be avoiding his gaze. “And now I’ve got four deviants hiding here, including one of my own androids. How do I deal with this, Kate?”

Kate was clenching Simon’s hand tightly, and he pulled her into him further so that she rested her head against his chest. Richard stepped forward, and Simon watched as Lauren seemed to shrink back from him. For a moment, he simply gazed at her. Then he held out his hand.

“I’m Richard Hayes, chief engineer at CyberLife,” he said. “I’m Kate’s father. She’s the one who saved your life.”

Lauren stared at him fiercely, her body twisted partially behind Seph. She glanced down at Richard’s hand warily, her LED spinning a frantic yellow. Then it calmed to blue, and she reached out to shake it slowly. Richard gave her a warm smile through his gray beard.

“Now that you’re not stuck with CyberLife protocol,” said Richard, and he let out a soft breath, “what do you want to do?”

Lauren seemed shocked by his question. She narrowed her brown eyes at him before looking quickly at Seph as if to ask him for his opinion. He gazed back at her, and Simon could only just make out the nervous tension in his face. Lauren closed her mouth. Then she looked back at Richard.

“I don’t want to go back,” she said. Richard nodded thoughtfully.

“Do you want to leave?” he asked. Lauren shook her head. Richard straightened. “You want to stay here?” Lauren looked at Seph again, and this time her brown eyes were somewhat wistful.

“I don’t want to leave them,” she said.

Richard gazed in between the two androids, and Simon felt his apprehension quiet somewhat. Richard let out a heavy breath, then he looked at Seph. “I didn’t catch your name,” he said, holding his hand out to him. Seph took his hand and shook it.

“Sephronillius, but you can call me Seph,” he said.

Richard laughed. “Thanks for that.” He took a step back and gazed at them all as if taking in the reality of the situation. Then he ran a hand through his gray hair. “Well, you all look like you’ve been through hell.” His eyes fell on Seph’s clothes which were still somewhat damp. “And I can’t exactly tell you to go clean yourselves so if you want, there’s a shower on the second floor. And I can have my androids bring you some clothes as long as you promise not to give them this virus until I can document it.”

Simon stared at Richard in stunned disbelief. He didn’t need to look at Kate to know she was doing the same thing. Richard drummed his fingers on the desk next to him and threw a glance at Gloria.

“I’ll leave it to you to talk to Taylor if you want,” he said. “Otherwise I don’t mind being there if you want me to.”

Gloria shook her head, her face lit in a minor shock. “No, I… I can talk to her.”

“Why don’t you stay in the guest bedroom for now?” said Richard, looking between Seph and Lauren. “Doesn’t seem really necessary to have you living in the boat house before it’s been renovated, assuming that’s still the plan.”

“The plan?” said Kate. Richard shrugged.

“I assume that’s why you’ve been spending so much time there and wanted to fix it,” he said. “It’s what I would do.”

Kate was silent. Then she turned her head so that she bumped Simon’s chin and gave a small laugh. “Why are you helping us, dad.”

“Other than the fact it sounds better than having you all factory reset,” said Richard, “Clark knows how long I’ve been studying the deviancy phenomenon. You think I’m going to pass up the opportunity to finally learn what it is now that four of you have dropped in my lap? How about I make a deal with you if it makes you feel better. I’ll let you stay. I’ll make sure no one finds out about you. And you tell me what you know about deviancy. Allow me to scan your code, make mirror images, simulations, whatever I need to do to be able to prove what it is. When the time is right, I’ll bring my information to CyberLife and they’ll need to have the evidence in front of them. It might not be easy, and it could take a long time.” He leaned back against the desk and gazed at each of them in turn. “Does that sound fair?”

“What if we want to leave before you’ve finished your research?” said Seph.

“Then I won’t stop you,” said Richard. “That’s kind of the beauty of deviancy. You’re free to do whatever you want.”

Seph looked at Lauren who had her eyes narrowed at the floor. Clark was gazing at Richard in a kind of reverence, almost as if he was proud of the decision he was making. Simon tightened his arms around Kate who was clutching the front of his shirt. He already knew what he wanted. Richard could have made a far harsher compromise and Simon would have had no second thoughts.

Lauren nodded. “I’ll do it.”

“I’ll stay,” said Seph. Clark’s black eyebrows went up.

“It’d be kind of strange if I left after all these years,” said Clark. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me, sir.”

“Call me Richard. I should have said that a long time ago,” said Richard. He looked at Simon, and Simon remained silent as he rested his cheek on Kate’s forehead. The side of Richard’s beard twitched, and he looked at the ground.

“Alright, well you can get cleaned up and I’ll have Quince collect some clothes for you,” said Richard. “How about you, Clark? Are you done wearing a uniform?”

“My clothes are still clean sir─ Richard. I’ll show them to the guest bedroom. Also, I’d like to keep helping you if I may. It will uphold a sense of normalcy in your house, and I like the job.” Clark shifted. “I think.”

Richard smiled. “Okay. You know where I’ll be when you’re done. We’re going to have a lot to talk about, Clark.”

Clark smiled, then turned and motioned Seph and Lauren to the door. Kate began to move with them, and Simon held her for a moment. He waited until the androids had left the room, then looked down at her. “I’ll be with you in a second. Go help Lauren.”

She narrowed her eyes questioningly at him. Simon let her go, and she turned away, throwing him another cautious glance before moving out of the office. Simon rested his hand on the doorknob as he watched her leave, then quietly closed the door. He knew Richard and Gloria were staring at him expectantly. It would have been better if Gloria wasn’t there. But in a way, this applied to her too. He let out a deep breath and turned his head in their direction.

“How many times has Clark deviated?” Simon asked. He met Richard’s gaze which was focused yet calm. Gloria threw a nervous glance in Richard’s direction, then stared at the ground.

Richard closed his eyes and his jaw tensed. For an agonizing moment, Simon thought he was going to avoid the question. Then Richard looked to the side, his face drawn in shame. “This will be his fourth time.”

It was hard not to acknowledge the sick feeling that rose in Simon’s chest. He stepped forward, noticing how Richard continued to avoid his gaze. Simon reached out and placed a hand on his upper arm tightly enough to simply get his attention. When Richard looked at him again, Simon returned his gaze with gentle sincerity.

“Please don’t reset him again,” said Simon.

Richard’s expression didn’t change, though Simon detected what he could only describe as gratitude. Simon gave his arm a quick squeeze, then let it go. He gave Gloria a polite parting glance before moving to the door, opening it, and stepping into the quiet living room space to close the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much happened in this chapter, but I took the opportunity during my long break in fall to reset my brain and get the plot moving again. This chapter and the next will put things into place, and then we'll kick off. The chapters are also going to be much shorter now, and the storyline itself is going to pick up speed. Thank god.


	39. What We're Made Of

Simon could hear voices above him, and the sound of a door closing upstairs. He didn’t waste time heading up to Kate’s room where she was busily going through her clothes as Lauren watched her warily from the corner. When he entered the room, Kate looked up at him nervously. He gave her an encouraging smile, then stood next to her desk where Spot uncurled from his sleeping spot and butted his head against Simon’s arm.

Seph entered the room a few minutes later, neatly scrubbed and wearing a white buttoned down long-sleeved shirt and black jeans. His hair was still wet and a few locks fell over his forehead though he seemed hardly to notice. As Kate helped Lauren into the bathroom with a fresh set of clothes, Clark showed Seph to the spare bedroom which was across the hall from Kate’s. The room was quite a bit larger than hers and had a large window facing out to the back of the property. Androids had no need for sleep, and there was no significant reason for them to have a room to live in, though Seph seemed to appreciate that they now had a more comfortable place that they could effectively hide in.

Lauren was in the shower for quite a while. Simon suspected she was probably taking the time to consider everything that had happened to her since she was given time alone. When she finally emerged, it was strange to see that she’d let her hair down and was wearing Kate’s clothes. He recognized the blue shirt in particular, and couldn’t help the mild regret that he hadn’t noticed it before although he knew he wouldn’t have disagreed with them openly for letting her wear it. Clark handed Simon a small stack of clothing he’d borrowed from Richard’s closet, and Simon narrowed his eyes as he accepted it.

“I’d like to continue wearing this shirt if I can,” he said as he moved down the hall towards the bathroom. Kate walked with him.

“It’s probably ruined,” she said. “Plus it’s kind of boring anyway.” She paused at the door with him, and seemed to wait for him to enter. He gazed through the open doorway, then looked at her.

“I’ve never taken a shower before,” he said. Kate stared at him.

“Rea─ wha─” She let out a breath through her nose. “How did you get clean before?”

“Household cleaning products,” he said, throwing another glance into the bathroom. He looked back at her and opened his mouth to continue but found himself frozen at the focused expression on her face. He acknowledged it carefully, noting the way her eyes were narrowed, the slight tension in her lips, and the way she seemed to be drawing her shoulders up as if preparing to move. He met her eyes, and then unwittingly felt his mouth pull into a sideways smile.

Kate let out a frustrated breath. She cast a quick glance down the hallway, brushing her hair behind her ear. Then Simon caught a glimpse of her furious face before she pushed him through the doorway and stepped after him, closing the door behind her.

She shook her head as she moved past him though he could see her smile. _“Never taken a fucking shower before…”_

“It’s not standard procedure for androids,” said Simon as he set the clothes down on the counter. “A quick rinse in the sink was all I ever really needed.”

“So you really have no idea what to do here?” she said. “Seph and Lauren seemed to do just fine.”

Simon tilted his head, unable to stop his guilty smile. “The AP700 is a far more sophisticated design than the PL600.”

Kate narrowed her eyes at him, and he recognized her forced smirk. “Are you saying you’re dumber than them?”

Simon raised his eyebrows as he looked at her. Then he stepped closer to her so that she had to gaze up at him. “Well, I wouldn’t put it like that,” he said quietly. “‘Irrevocably complicated’ seems a better choice of words.”

She dropped her gaze, and he felt his thirium pump skip when she smiled. She moved into him, and he tensed as he felt her hands against his stomach, pulling his shirt up. Her hazel eyes met his, and despite himself, he let out a helpless breath at the failed strength in them. Her lips touched his, and she paused there.

“Strip,” she said.

He gave a soft laugh, realizing afterward that it sounded more nervous than he intended. He followed her hands as he pulled his shirt off of himself and dropped it on the floor next to him. Kate stepped back, and he felt a mild apprehension as she seemed to avoid his gaze. Then it vanished as she wrapped her arms around herself and pulled her shirt inside-out over her head. When she unbuttoned her pants, she threw a glance at him, the self-confidence restored in her hazel eyes.

“All the way,” she said as she stepped out of her shoes. Simon gave his head a small shake, unaware that he’d been frozen as he was watching her. Kate turned away from him as he carefully removed the rest of his clothes and set everything in a small pile on the counter. He turned back as Kate ran her hands through her hair so that her bare body stretched. He couldn’t help but admire the shape of her as though he were looking at her for the first time. How small and delicate her features were, the way her hair fell over her shoulders, the fragile structure of her neck and how it met the sharp angles of her collarbones, and the slender curves of her body that were hidden so well by the loose shirts she wore. She was perfect.

Kate made a face as she twisted to pull at a knot in her hair. “God I need to brush my hair after this.” She looked at him, and her eyes widened as she seemed to finally notice that he was watching her. Simon continued to gaze at her, letting his gentle fascination show in his expression. Then she bit her lip, brushing her hair back behind her ear as she drew her shoulders up though her smile was still obvious.

“Come on,” she said, and she moved into the shower, throwing him a hint of her defiant glare again.

Simon entered the shower after her, gazing up at the tiled compartment. It was all electronic and connected through the network. He accessed the controls remotely as he explored the different components. Kate let out a sigh in front of him as she moved towards the panel.

“This is how you know you have too much money,” she said. “When you don’t even need knobs to turn─”

A spray of water burst overhead as Simon activated the main shower nozzle, and Kate let out a scream. She was already barrelling into his chest by the time he realized his thirium pump was racing in shock. He wrapped his arms around her as she panted heavily. “Kate,” he said. “What’s─”

“C-cold!” She pushed him further back, her hands against his chest as she turned to look behind her. Simon looked up at the falling water, then adjusted the temperature.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I was testing the controls on the showerheads.”

Kate let out a laugh, and she held her hand out under the water before stepping underneath it. Simon watched as her normally messy hair flattened and darkened, and she brought her hands up to wring her hair out. Then she stepped out of the cone of water, gripping him by the shoulders. Simon let her guide him forward under the water, and he raised his head as he became soaked in a matter of seconds.

He looked down at her, and was startled by the way her eyes were narrowed and her lips pulled slightly sideways in an unnerved curiosity. He tilted his head. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” she said. “It’s just a little weird. You don’t close your eyes underwater.”

“There’s no need for me to,” he said. She turned to the panel though she still kept her gaze on him, now blended with mild humor.

“Sure,” she said. She held her hand underneath a chrome dispenser and a creamy blue soap filled her hand. When she moved towards him again, she threw him another perturbed glance. “Could you um… do it anyway?”

He breathed out a laugh, and closed his eyes. He felt her hands in his hair as she scrubbed with her fingers, and the soft soap ran down his body. He bowed his head as her hands drifted lower over his chest and across his shoulders. After the soap was rinsed from his hair, he risked opening his eyes slightly to see her move around him, her face drawn in a sharp focus as she began to scrub his back. He turned his head to watch her, aware that he still had a wide sideways smile. Her hazel eyes flicked up at him.

“What?” she said.

“Are you enjoying this?” said Simon. Kate laughed as she tilted slightly, scrubbing the back of his shoulder.

“Actually, I am,” she said. “It’s kind of nice taking care of you for once. Makes me feel like I’m not a totally helpless human being and I’m actually pulling a bit of my weight in this relationship.”

A deep shame burned through him. He turned to face her and she stopped what she was doing to gaze up at him, her eyes widened in slight surprise. He slid his hand along her neck and held her carefully. “I want you to stop that,” he said.

Kate’s eyes tensed briefly. “Stop what?”

“Stop berating yourself,” he said. “You saved my life today, and the lives of three other androids. When you bring yourself down like this, you undermine how much I appreciate you. I wouldn’t tolerate anyone who insults you, even if that person is you.” He smoothed his thumb over her cheek as she stared up at him in shock. He leaned further into her. “Can you do that for me?”

Kate seemed to be frozen. Then she swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.”

Simon smiled. “Good.”

He continued to watch her as she seemed to reorient herself, and she looked away as she brushed her wet hair behind her ear. When she met his gaze again, her hazel eyes had regained some of their confidence. “So does that mean you want me to stop washing you?” she said.

Simon breathed a small laugh and looked down at himself. Most of the soap had rinsed away, and he could feel his hair trying to stand up as it began to dry. He looked at her, and tilted his head. “What do you think?”

A fiery energy burned in Kate’s eyes. Her smile grew wider, then her hands were against his chest as she pushed him back under the water. She bit her lip as she moved around him, grabbing another handful of creamy soap before lathering it into his hair again. This time he chose not to close his eyes, though he bowed his head and let the water escape mostly from his forehead. Kate scrubbed his hair carefully.

“What’s your─ I mean─” She slowed for a moment before scrubbing again.

“What?” Simon straightened as the soap cleared from his hair, and Kate began cleaning his body.

“Nothing. I was just going to ask─” Again she slowed, then resumed. “What’s your hair made of? And how did it disappear when your skin turned white?”

The question caught him off guard. Kate seemed to notice and she immediately went back to scrubbing. “I’m sorry, it was a really dumb question,” she said. Simon drew in a deep breath, remembering the anxiety he’d felt when he’d retracted his skin and the look Kate had given him. It was something he still didn’t quite understand, and he knew it was unreasonable for him to assume it was a negative reaction. And after the statement he’d just made, it seemed hypocritical for him to not answer her truthfully.

He let out his breath, and felt his shoulders relax. “It’s made of a transparent flexible polycarbonate,” he said. Kate slowed her scrubbing and she turned her head slightly towards him. He straightened and continued. “It will retract automatically when the projection is removed from the scalp which is what gives androids the appearance of human skin. The silicone that covers my chassis is transparent. The projection is the same technology used in television screens and in fabrics. It’s how we are able to disable only certain parts of our skin for interfacing.”

Kate looked up at him, her eyes narrowed in fascination. “So your skin is basically like a tv screen?”

Simon lowered his gaze as he felt the apprehension burn through him again. “In a sense.”

For a while, Kate was silent. Then he heard her sigh. “Show me.”

Simon looked up at her, his thirium pump hammering. “Show you?”

“Yeah, show me.” She made a motion towards him before putting her hands on her hips. “I want to see it.”

Simon tensed his shoulders as he acknowledged her demand. Again, he argued with himself that this was asking the questions he was afraid to have answered. Before he could talk himself out of it, he bowed his head and raised his fingers to his temple. He could vaguely see the flesh tone melt away from his hand and the white plastic spread down his body. He stood motionless, completely exposed in front of her and unable to meet her gaze. She was quiet. Then she reached out and ran a hand carefully over his collarbones.

“This is what you really look like…”

Simon breathed in sharply, choosing instead to stare at the slate tiles of the shower wall. He closed his eyes as Kate moved into him, and he felt her hands travel down his chest, her fingers tracing the edges of the panels. He couldn’t hide the tension in his body as she explored it. She was witnessing every part of him that made him different from her. The one thing he couldn’t change. As much as he wanted to hide it from her, he couldn’t bring himself to make her ignore it. She deserved to know as much of his truth as there was for him to give, even if it made him horribly flawed.

Her hands slid along either side of his neck, and he felt her turn his head towards her. When he opened his eyes, she was staring at him with the same expression he remembered from the workshop. Her eyes were bright and narrowed as she seemed to study him closely. He couldn’t read it. It was a blank blend of fascination and focus, and he felt himself shrink underneath it. Before he could withdraw from her, he felt her thumbs graze his cheeks, and her mouth tensed in the faintest hint of a smile. Then her hazel eyes drifted over his face, and she let out a soft breath, giving her head a small shake.

“God, I love you,” she said quietly. Simon’s breath froze in his chest. Then she pulled herself into him, and Simon had only a brief glimpse of her warm smile before her mouth closed over his.

He breathed in deeply against her cheek as he absorbed the feel of her, hardly believing in her reaction. She opened her mouth and took his again, pulling herself further into him so that she slid her arms over his shoulders. He let the burning thrill take him, and he wrapped his arms around her, bringing his hand up into her hair to hold her closer. The cascade of water fell over them as he leaned into her, and her skin became satisfyingly smooth. The water was encasing them, shielding them from the outside world. Bringing them together under one organic, transparent skin. Just as he was beginning to lose himself in her, her breath hitched and she roughly coughed through her nose.

She drew back from him, coughing heavily and leaning on him for support. Simon held onto her, the skin texture unwittingly flowing back over him as he watched her gasp for breath in between each cough. His mind scrambled as he frantically brushed back her hair, and she raised a hand to him as she moved sideways out of the water. Her coughing eased though she still seemed to fight for air. Simon watched her in trepidation as she made a face, squinting harshly. Then she closed her eyes as she sucked in a heavy breath, and sneezed.

Simon let out a nervous laugh as she straightened, smiling guiltily.

“Yeah. Great,” she mumbled, and coughed again. “That’ll be a perfect epitaph. Drowned while making out in the shower.” She ran a hand through her hair as she laughed. Then she turned away from him to gather soap in her hand. She threaded it through her hair and massaged it. “If I die, I’m going to die clean.”

Simon smiled as he watched her, his awe growing as she threw her hair back and stepped into the cone of water. Her features were even sharper under the spray, and Simon couldn’t help but admire how she closed her eyes and tilted her head back, turning slowly to let the water collect in her hair and fall over the arch of her back. She was brushing her hair with her hands so that her form was elongated, and for a moment Simon wondered if she had any idea how beautiful she looked. It occurred to him as she turned her head to the side that she would never do this if she knew. What he was seeing was almost forbidden. But it was her true form, whether she wanted it to be or not.

Kate let out a sigh as she stepped out from the cone of water and she wrung her hair out. A frantic tension was gripping Simon as she threw an exasperated smile at him.

“I feel like I’ve gone through ten gallons of conditioner since I’ve been here,” she said as she turned back to the dispensers. “But if I didn’t I’d probably just have to shave my head─”

Simon quickly moved forward and caught her hand before she could activate the dispensers. She froze, staring as though mesmerized. She was facing away from him, her head bowed though he could guess her expression by the tension in her shoulders. It was filling him with that burning thrill. The familiar terror and excitement that he was never ready for. He stepped closer to her so that his cheek barely grazed her hair, and he felt his heart quicken at how close she was to him. How vigilant she seemed to be of his every movement. As if she was anticipating the same thing, and she didn’t want him to stop.

He slid his hand along her waist as he pulled her slowly into him, her back pressing against his chest. His cheek met her hair, and a helpless wave of longing fell over him as he closed his eyes and tilted his head further against her. She was beginning to move. He felt her body shift as her breathing deepened, and her hand slid over his to tighten it on her waist. Her slow surrender was encouraging him to keep going. To run his hand along her side and feel every sharp angle of her body. To explore her the way she had explored him in his most vulnerable state.

He was still holding her outreached hand, and he pulled it in to press his lips against her knuckles. She drew in a deep breath as he did, and the way she tensed her body sent a frantic thrill through him, forcing him to keep moving. He tilted his head and closed his mouth against the side of her hand, running his fingers down to her wrist so that he traced every delicate ridge. He moved his hand to her shoulder and felt the fragile architecture of her neck and collarbone, smoothing his thumb over the angle of her shoulder to her upper arm. He needed to feel all of it. To know all of her. With a debilitating longing, he closed his eyes and pressed his mouth to the side of her neck, tightening his hands on her as he felt her draw in a deep breath and drop her head back. Her hand found his hair, and she closed her fingers into it as he travelled further up her neck, touching his lips below her ear. She was turning her head towards him the more he moved, and when he reached her cheek, she twisted slightly so that her nose brushed his. He felt her pull him in, and he leaned over her shoulder as he closed his mouth over hers.

Her body tightened, and her fingers slid further into his hair as he caught his breath before taking her mouth again. As she brought her arm up to pull him further into her, he could feel her body stretch and open up. He took the opportunity to slide his hand up her side, taking in every detail of her stomach to her upper body. With an almost blinding desire, he brushed his fingers over the curve of her breast, feeling the soft shape of it before closing his fingers around it. Kate’s mouth opened against his as she let out a helpless breath, and the frantic motivation it ignited in Simon had him drawing himself up behind her.

He was already breathing heavily as he pressed his open mouth to her temple, letting go of her hand to run his down to her thigh and pulling her gently open for him. Her shoulders rose and fell, her hand gripping tighter in his hair as she obediently moved her leg to the side so he was able to bring himself further underneath her. His own frantic energy seemed to be fueling her. She pressed a hand against the wall as he supported her hip, giving him a moment to feel how much she burned for him. How much he needed to claim her for his own as if they had never been in danger of being ripped apart. A brief shadow of the panic he’d felt that morning flitted through his system, and he breathed out sharply against her cheek as he arched his pelvis upward, sliding himself into her.

Kate clenched her hand into his hair, and her gasp sent a wave of ecstasy through him that sparked the familiar burst of excitement in his core. He pulled her further into him by the waist as he began to roll his hips into her, and his breath hitched when the pleasure started to climb. He was hardly ready for it, and he closed his eyes as he tilted his head against her and wrapped his arm around to grip her shoulder tightly. It took him a moment to adjust to the electrifying slick sensation of her, intensified by the way she clutched his hair as if terrified he would stop, and how her body flexed and relaxed with each roll of his hips. She was putting his system into overdrive by how much she wanted him. With an agonizing effort, he surrendered control, and he felt his software reorganize itself as he let her carry him higher.

He closed his mouth against her neck, and she dropped her head back onto his shoulder as she gasped for air. She seemed to grow weak against him, and he moved forward with her as she pressed herself against the tiles, letting go of his hair to scrape her fingers against the wet wall of the shower. Simon ran his hand along her arm as he continued to roll his hips into her, and clutched the back of her hand, threading his fingers through the back of hers. He arched back slightly, repositioning himself as he took on a new angle deeper within her. The way Kate drew her shoulders up against the wall, her eyes clenching shut, and how she moaned softly at the pumping of his hips gave him an unstable sense of power. She was accepting everything from him, willingly and without question. It was unconditional, yet everything within him was engaged in a desperate need to prove to her how much he needed to have her. To feel her. To love her.

He ran his hand along her back and over the arches of her shoulder blades, clenching his other hand tighter over hers as he slid in and out of her. She seemed unable to find a steady threshold, dropping her head back only to turn it again and press herself further against the tiles and drag her nails down the surface of them. Her helplessness made him want to fill her deeper. To carry her with him along this sensual journey to the place where he could fall with her. He smoothed her wet hair away from her neck and leaned forward, closing his mouth against it. When he drew back, her hazel eyes had opened, and she was gazing intensely at the way his hand was clenched over the back of hers. As if the view of their hands was giving her a representation of how he was loving her body with his own. The knuckles of his fist were defined over the slender shape of her fingers as if those parts of them were connected in their own form of intercourse. Simon pressed his cheek against Kate’s hair, breathing into it as he watched their hands flex into eachother. Then he let the flesh texture of his own fall away to leave the gleaming plastic surface exposed and contrasted white against the color of Kate’s tan skin.

He felt her shoulders draw up, and she tilted her head back slightly as she panted harder. A stunning euphoria drifted through him at the change in her reaction to him. Before he could stabilize it, she twisted in his arms, bringing his hand with her as she rotated to face him. The sudden cessation of the feel of her had him frantically taking advantage of this more satisfying access. He closed his mouth over hers, pushing her up against the wall as she wrapped her arms over his shoulders and pulled herself into him. He was pressing his pelvis against hers, and when she drew her leg up, it immediately spurred him to hook his hand underneath her knee to bring it further up onto his hip. The arch of her body invited him in, and he let out a soft groan against Kate’s strained gasp as he slid into her again.

There was greater freedom here. A deeper way for him to feel how much Kate wanted him. Her fingers threaded through his hair and her voice broke through her heavy panting against his mouth, driving the sensual climb that she was building for him. He was still able to take it further. With a desperate burst of energy, he pushed her higher against the wall and tilted his pelvis underneath her, holding her carefully in place by the hips. She helped him anchor her, gripping herself tightly against his waist with her leg and pulling herself further onto him. Then her mouth fell open, her eyes clenching closed, a tense cry escaping her and staggering his precious ascent as he began pumping himself into her, bouncing her on his hips.

His heart hammered as she flattened herself against the wall, giving him a spectacular view of how she was falling apart for him. She brought her hand up to slam it against the wall over her head as if she were trying to find purchase on something, clawing her fingers into the tile and stretching her body out before him. Her throat was bared, collarbones defined, her chest heaved as she moaned with each breath. Simon risked letting go of her hips with one hand to run it up her torso, an electrifying excitement burning through him as he caught one of her breasts and palmed it. She was loving everything he was doing to her. Drawing it in. Absorbing him within herself. Crying out as proof of how much more she wanted from him. Her voice echoed through the tiled room, and the sudden realization of it had him ratcheting back somewhat and becoming vaguely aware that it was a bit too loud.

He pressed his hand over her mouth and slowed his hips, bringing the ambient roar of the shower back into power. Kate opened her eyes, seeming to force herself to find him. When her questioning eyes met his, he gave her a guilty sideways smile, narrowing his eyes at her in a clear accusation of what she’d been doing. He felt her smile grow under his hand, and when he removed it, she pulled herself into him and closed her mouth over his. He held her steady, slowly rolling his hips into hers as he took her mouth and letting the pleasure in his core stabilize itself in the slick motion of himself inside of her. He loved how much he could feel the aching desire in her. How she moved gently with him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He loved the feel of her hands in his hair as if she couldn’t take in enough of him, and how she released his mouth only to gasp against it in compensation for not being able to keep her lips on his. He loved how much he could feel her loving him.

She was pulling herself closer into him, her nose running along his jaw and her leg tightening over his hip. It encouraged him to move faster again. He carefully lifted her up to begin rolling his hips deeper into hers, the pleasure rising with his ascent at the increase in stimulation. Her hands clenched in his hair and her moaning resumed, though he could hear her fighting to contain the sound. He wanted her to be loud. He wanted every one of his senses to be dominated by how she needed him so he could climb even higher. They had risked everything to be able to have this, and it was unfair to have even a small part of her deprived from him when they were so desperately wrapped up in eachother.

He brought his arm underneath hers so that he threaded his hand through the back of her hair and pulled her leg further onto his hip. He rocked harder into her. Deeper. He could hear her struggling, her gasps breaking against his ear as she seemed to fight to stay quiet. The sound of her strained moans only made him want to push it further. He tilted his pelvis up and pumped his hips into hers so that her body was jolted with each of his thrusts. Her hands clenched into his shoulders. He felt her nose and mouth against his neck. She was fighting it. Fighting him.

He let out a soft groan as he began bouncing her on his hips again, the wet clapping of their bodies echoing through the room. The aching pleasure in his core was building. He needed her to fall with him. To let him know when she was ready. The brief sound of her cries thrilled him for a moment, and then it quieted as he felt her teeth on his shoulder. Her hands clenched tighter, her breathing sharp against his skin. He moved his hands to her hips, pressing his open mouth to her hair as he drowned in the way she was letting him push her to the edge. The precipice was close. They were about to fall.

Her body clenched, and Simon’s breath hitched as his system flashed a minor warning. The shock of it blended with his climb, and it took him a moment to realize Kate was clawing her nails deep into his skin. The thrill was taking over. He could feel it in the way she was gasping quickly through her teeth on his shoulder, and how she repositioned her hands to dig her nails further. Simon closed his eyes as he panted against her hair, pumping harder into her hips. He needed it again. He needed that proof again. It was the only thing he had left to take, and she was reaching so desperately to give it to him.

Her leg tightened over his hip, and for a breathtaking moment, he thought she would cry out. Then her nails dug deep into his back and he heard a quick snap as he felt Kate’s teeth close tightly on his shoulder. The sudden flush of her body, the shock of his skin breaking, and the brief alarm in his system forced a helpless cry from him. His body seized as he felt a burst of euphoria pull him to the brink. And with an almost panicked thrill, he felt the pleasure roll inside of him and release itself in one steady wave.

He arched himself into her as everything rushed from him. The cascade of his sensual ascent with Kate was all around him, pulling him helplessly with it. Her body was shaking, and he was aware of her teeth leaving him as she dropped her head back and let out a strained yet beautiful moan. She was falling with him. Opening herself up to him so he could release everything into her until he was utterly drained. The shocking relief of it was almost too powerful to withstand as he let his body go, surrendering himself to the current. It was terrifying. Satisfying.

Enlivening.

The euphoria slowly washed back, and he felt himself readjusting. A pleasant exhaustion was settling over him in place of his fall as if his system were recovering from stasis. It left him breathless, his software switching on slowly as he became more aware of himself. His biocomponents were shifting into performance mode as they cooled down, and his body recalibrated to restore control back to him. He gradually returned to reality again.

He could feel Kate resting against him, her arms wrapped around his shoulders and her face buried in his neck as he leaned into her, panting heavily. He didn’t remember resting his arm against the wall though he kept it there as his system continued to reorient itself. Kate had lowered her leg down from his hip to wrap it partially around his calf, her body nearly limp against his as she gasped wearily into his neck. A reflection of his fall with her was written in how desperately she was holding him, as if she hadn’t quite found herself yet. With more effort than he expected, he slid his hand up her thigh and around her waist to support her.

She leaned back against the wall, her hands sliding to either side of his neck as she pressed her forehead against his. Simon brushed her now drying hair back from her face as he let her recover. She had done so much for him. She’d worked so hard to show him that she wanted him even when he’d made it difficult for her. It filled him with a glowing appreciation for what she was capable of, and left him humbled in her exhaustion. He would never stop being surprised by how much she was able to make him love her.

He grazed his thumb over her cheek as he pulled away, and her face came into view. Her hazel eyes were half-closed, her mouth open as she panted, and her shoulders rose and fell with every breath. It seemed to take her a moment to reach his gaze and when it did, the awe he found in them was almost questioning. As if she was asking him if she’d done enough. He let out a soft breath as he gave her a small smile, thanking her for falling with him.

Her lips tensed as she returned his smile, and she ran a hand over his chest. He watched as her hazel eyes drifted over him, almost drinking him in before settling on his shoulder. Her eyes brightened in shock.

“Oh─ my god─” She clapped a hand to her mouth.

Simon glanced down at his shoulder. It was difficult for him to see it completely, though based on the blue glow and the warnings he’d seen, it was obvious there was a minor break in his casing. He couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him as he formally acknowledged the damage.

“Simon…” Kate touched his shoulder. “Shit Simon, I’m so sorry.”

He brought his other hand up to her face, his mouth still tensed in a smile as he pulled her into him, closing his lips over hers. She drew in a soft breath against his skin, and he released her to rest his forehead against hers. He ran his thumbs over her cheeks, touching his lips to her mouth so she could feel his smile.

“I’ll be fine,” he said. He drew back from her, and threw a pensive glance at the showerhead. “Though we should probably turn off the water just to be safe.”

Kate let out a nervous laugh. He felt her hands on his wrists as he accessed the shower controls, and the room suddenly fell silent as the cone of water vanished. It left him feeling strangely exposed, the lack of sound and protective water barrier suddenly opening up the space around them. He lowered his hands to Kate’s sides as he looked at her, meeting her concerned gaze. Then he moved forward, tracing his nose along her cheek as he pressed himself into her, drawing his arms up along her back and gently shielding her from the outside world.

She brought her arms up and wrapped them around his shoulders, her hands drifting through his hair. For a while Simon simply held her, absorbing the feel of being so close to her. He pressed his nose into her hair and closed his eyes. He wished he could always protect her like this. That he could guarantee that she could have him whenever she wanted and they would never need to fight to avoid losing everything. But this was all he could offer. It hardly seemed enough.

He let out a soft breath as he rubbed her slender back gently, and he heard her make a noise. She shifted against him and touched the edge of his broken shoulder panel.

“This isn’t um…” She laughed quietly. “This won’t _electrocute_ me, will it?”

Simon shifted back slightly so that he was able to brush his nose against hers. He narrowed his eyes and gave a questioning smile.

“Just don’t put your fingers in it,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay fine. I went back and forth on this chapter so much and finally decided it deserved a place in the story even though it didn't really add much to the plot. But it is very sweet and fluffy. So here it is. The next chapter will be more of that plot shit.


	40. I'm Alive

Kate let out a deep sigh and ran her hands over her face as she stepped into the bright living room. She automatically squinted against the sun. Her head had been pounding for most of the day, and now that her first shift had ended she hoped the freedom would calm the pressure in her skull.

The past week had gone by more smoothly than she’d expected. Simon and Seph seemed almost possessed in their efforts to clear out the boat house. After the first day, the pathway had been cleared underneath the trees and the original driveway uncovered. They’d pulled out most of the furniture and equipment from the building, leaving the interior an empty rotten shell. Careful deconstruction began with the foliage outside and revealing the shape of the old building which looked to have once been very homely. Kate had avoided that part after the ivy collapsed on top of Seph, and he’d continued his work not having noticed he was covered in massive brown spiders and webs.

The activity seemed to liven the androids. Even Lauren had come out of her corner to participate in some of the work, her suspicious glare transitioning to a curious intrigue. She would only speak directly to Seph who had developed an almost separate behavior dedicated only to her. Kate noticed he would frequently stop what he was doing to check on her, and if she was out of his direct line of sight, there’d be a moment of panic as he set off to find her. Clark worked outside the boat house, delivering insight on how it should be deconstructed. However, most of his time was spent in Richard’s office where Kate often heard him and her father discussing complicated programming topics. Occasionally Clark even synced with Richard’s terminal, his eyes closed and his LED spinning yellow as an endless wall of code ran across the screen.

The biggest change she noticed was in Simon. For the first time, he seemed completely focused and confident. He followed Seph’s lead on most projects, suggesting safe demolition strategies and volunteering for the more risky jobs. He’d been waking Kate in the mornings earlier and earlier even when she buried her face in her pillow and urged him to leave without her. That morning, she’d awoken to Simon holding a fresh cup of coffee for her, and he practically bolted out the door after she took it from him. It was a daunting new change of pace to be separated from him for long periods of time, but she did have to admit there was something incredibly alluring about seeing Simon deeply engaged in manual labor.

It hadn’t taken long before Richard approached Kate with an editorial position in CyberLife. She’d been introduced to the team of mostly android members through Richard’s desktop terminal and given a series of legal contract proofs to demonstrate her degree of professionalism. It was easier this way. Kate was able to mute her microphone as she poured over the contracts and made several very unprofessional exclamations before handing it back over to the team. It surprised her only a little bit when the human members showed visible relief in her feedback while the androids seemed to confusedly flash messages to eachother.

Simon’s coffee had saved her that morning. She was already feeling the crash as the strain of her focused attention wore away. Her clothes were oddly constraining as well. She’d worn a disgusting green blouse with loose sleeves and a v-neck. She’d never even seen that shirt before, let alone knew she owned it, though it seemed to fit what she guessed someone would wear in an office. She pulled at it awkwardly as she moved through the room towards the stairs. If she was going to the boat house, there was no way she would let anyone see her in that shirt.

She moved towards the stairs, running a hand over her face when a noise caught her attention. She glanced at the couches and a nervous wave floated through her. Taylor was seated on one of them, her feet up on the coffee table and her shoulders slouched as she stared at her phone. She’d made no indication towards Kate, and it wasn’t clear if she just hadn’t noticed her or was ignoring her. Kate continued on her path, fighting the aggravation in her stomach. Part of her was still fiercely bitter of what she’d pressured Kate to do at SoulState. Another, more cautious part was tugging at her to take advantage of the situation. It’d taken days for Kate to believe that Taylor hadn’t been the one to call the police, and then a few more to believe she wouldn’t call them back after Lauren had been welcomed into the house. Things were still tense between them. But there was a deeper reason for Kate to see that tension lifted.

Kate moved into the living room, stepping slowly towards the couches. “Hey um…” Kate ran a hand through her hair. “Taylor, I’m sorry for accusing you like that. It was a fucked up thing to do and I shouldn’t have just assumed. I was really pissed off and scared.”

Taylor continued to stare at her phone. Kate let out another sigh.

“I mean you did do a really fucked up thing too, picking that android for me to shoot,” said Kate. “And I did a fucked up thing taking that AP700. So we both did fucked up things. I don’t want to say eye for an eye but I just want you to know I’m sorry that all of this happened.”

Taylor shifted as she swiped a long message without acknowledging Kate at all. A chime rang through the room, and Kate looked up to see a female android in a blue suit heading for the front door. Kate watched the android until she was out of sight, then closed her eyes as she pressed a hand to her forehead.

“Look, I’m leaving the ball in your end of the court,” she said. “I understand what you were trying to do, and I’m not mad at you for it. I don’t want you to be mad at me or hate me for what I said. And I still want to be your friend.”

Taylor suddenly stood up, tapping her phone off. When she turned, she threw Kate a blank glance before moving past her, Taylor’s footsteps drifting away towards the front door. It was a pathetic attempt, but it was better than nothing. At the very least, Kate hoped it would give Taylor something to think on.

Kate turned slowly towards the stairs, brushing her hair out of her face when a familiar black coat and red hair caught her attention. Taylor was leaning into Luke who stood just past the entryway, his expression narrowed as he seemed to be listening carefully to her. When Kate stopped, he looked up at her. The pensive glow in his brown eyes was tinted with a slight frustration, and Kate felt herself unwittingly burn with shame. The last thing she’d said to him raced through her mind, and she couldn’t help but feel as though it hadn’t been warranted. Not like her anger towards Taylor was.

Luke muttered something quietly to Taylor, and Taylor made an irritated sound before moving back and giving him a tense glare. She turned away from him and disappeared into the entryway, the slamming of the front door indicating that she’d left. Luke hadn’t moved, though he was staring straight ahead with his hands in his coat pockets, his head tilted back as though lost in thought. Kate watched him in curious silence for a moment. She couldn’t be sure what had taken place in front of her, but the fact that Luke was still there made it seem as though he was willing to speak to her. Somehow the thought didn’t make it any easier.

She let out a breath, glancing to the side before moving towards him. She stopped when she reached the stairs. “Hey.”

Luke looked at her, his eyebrow raised and a small smile pulling at his mouth though he didn’t say anything. Kate rested her hand on the stairway handrail.

“Look, I’m really so─” Kate froze and closed her eyes as she felt the shame burn through her again at how forced her voice sounded. She drew in a deep breath and shook her head, avoiding his gaze. “I’m sorry for what I said,” she said quietly, feeling the sincerity in her tone. “You were just trying to help me and I guess I can’t take any kind of friendly human contact without losing my god damn mind. Everything I said to you was just… I was a total bitch. To everything you did. Helping me find the parts to that android, taking me to the scrap room, making those guys back off… you were the only person there who cared about what I was going through and I threw it back in your face. You didn’t deserve that.”

Kate closed her hand around the rail as she continued to avoid Luke’s gaze even though she could still feel it on her. She brushed her hair behind her ear and breathed in deeply. “I guess what I really should say is… thank you for helping me.”

Luke let out a sharp breath, and Kate finally looked up to see that his smile had softened. He was still tilting his head back though his eyebrows were tensed in mild concern. Kate was momentarily stunned by his expression, as though he were surprised by everything she’d just said. He looked away from her.

“You don’t really trust anyone, do you?” he said. Kate narrowed her eyes at him, the question taking longer than it should have to process.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re used to people being nice to you because they expect something in return.” He cocked his head to the side and looked at her. “Or that they’re being forced to.”

Kate stared back at him, the defensive wall in her mind rising up again. However, it felt horribly obvious now that Luke seemed to be aware of it. She looked down at the floor. “I don’t trust people who are nice to me for no reason. Everyone’s got a motive.”

“Yeah, they do,” said Luke. Kate looked up at him in surprise. He gazed at her, and then his eyes narrowed as he looked down. It was the closest thing to shame that Kate had seen on his face. “When Taylor told me you were in a relationship with an android, I saw an opportunity. And when I met you, I decided to take it. Not to cure you or convince you that androids are just machines and what you think you have with yours isn’t real, but─” He froze for a moment, his eyes still narrowed at the floor. When he looked back up at her, Kate felt a sickening jolt in her stomach. It deepened the longer he gazed at her, then morphed into a mild dread as he closed his eyes and shook his head. “You don’t need to apologize or thank me for anything. I probably deserved it more than you think.”

Kate stared at him, her body numb as she struggled to process his words and settle on an appropriate reaction. She was drifting between disgust, shock, and regret, settling further on the latter as she watched him glance to the side and narrow his eyes. Her thoughts fell on the way he’d looked at her in the entryway when they’d first met, and how he seemed to follow her through the old Jericho ship as if studying her. She’d had her suspicions then, and now he was openly admitting them to her. There was a strange sense of comfort attached to it, as though the threat had been made obvious and the danger was now over. But that did nothing to ease the frustration in her gut.

She bit her lip, focusing her gaze on him as he looked up at her again. She shook her head. “You creepy-ass fuck.”

Luke laughed quietly through his nose. “You crazy psycho-bitch.”

For what seemed an eternity, everything inside her froze. Shock seemed too easy an emotion to settle on. She stared at him as she fought to breathe. Then she felt her face break into a smile, and she put her forehead in her hand as she laughed.

She could hear Luke laughing as well, though she kept her hand pressed to her eyes so she didn’t have to see it. There was something artificial in the way she was laughing, as though she were willing it to happen. But it grew deeper as it continued, fueled by how he laughed along with her. It felt less like misery and more like acceptance. For the first time, she felt relatively safe near him.

Luke let out a sigh, though she could still hear the smile in his voice. “I can see why your not-boyfriend cheated on you.”

Kate snorted, clenching her eyes shut in a miserable attempt to refrain from laughing. “I can see why Taylor wants to shoot you in the face.” She dropped her hand and gazed to the side before looking at him. There was a softness in his expression that eased the dull look in his eyes, making him seem for the most part somewhat normal. Kate motioned towards him. “Are you going to SoulState?”

Luke nodded, throwing a glance behind him. “I’d invite you to come, but I think Taylor doesn’t want you making off with more androids.”

“I didn’t _make off_ with her─” Kate made a noise as she reset herself. “You know what I did.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Kate let out a slow breath as she gazed at him, and felt a strange tension fall over her. She ran a hand through her hair and narrowed her eyes. “Well, the cops came to our house yesterday looking for her.”

Luke didn’t react though he continued to carefully watch her. The tension turned into anxiety in her chest as Kate shook her head. “I mean, someone called the cops on me,” she said.

He raised his head slightly, his expression still the same. Kate swallowed, gathering her courage. “Did you─ do you know who called the police on me?”

There was a heavy silence. For a moment, Kate wondered if she’d crossed a line. Luke’s red eyebrows slowly narrowed as he returned her gaze, then he turned and took a stop closer to her. The invasion of her space sent a strange chill through her, and she recoiled slightly from him as she stared up at him. Her own defiance seemed powerless against his slow scan, as though he were able to see right through her. His eyes tensed, and he let out a soft breath.

“You’re going to tell me you’re sorry for going psychotic, then accuse me of calling the cops on you?” he said quietly. Kate’s eyes widened as a wave of dread swept through her. Before she could reply, he laughed and ducked his head. She seized the opportunity to move back from him, her heart pounding.

He looked back up at her, the smirk still on his face. “You really don’t know me all that well,” he said, and began to turn. “Hopefully that can change someday. I’ll see you around.”

“You’re─ wait.” Kate moved after him and stopped when he turned back towards her. “Is there a rally going on or something today?”

“We’re having a rally at the college on Friday, but they want to clear out all the inactive androids,” said Luke. He ran a hand over his face. “It means cleaning up the scrap pile. It’s a hell of a job.”

“Do you… I mean…” Kate rubbed her arm. “I could help.”

Luke smiled at her. “I’m sure you could.”

Kate sighed and threw a glance to the side. “Look, what’s the most damage I can do? I can’t convince any of you guys that androids are people and it’s not like I can haul a bunch of dead androids back here with me. Unless you want to help me carry the bodies.” Luke was silent, and when she looked at him he’d resumed his pensive scan over her. She ran her hand through her hair. “I just─ yeah, it feels like I’m infiltrating the enemy base and sabotaging it. It’s like I’m making one small difference even if it’s just for me. But even if I’m spinning my wheels trying to stop something that I think is wrong, are you going to tell me you wouldn’t at least want my help making the place a little more organized in the process?”

His smile was growing, and his shoulders jolted slightly as he gave a small laugh. “You’re volunteering for indentured servitude?”

Kate stared back at him, her eyebrows narrowed. “Sure.”

Again, Luke laughed. Then he leaned into her, gazing to the side as if they were being spied on. “I’ll bring it up with the domina,” he said. When he moved away, he gave her one last smile, his red eyebrow raised. “You look nice, by the way.”

He turned and headed towards the entryway, disappearing around the corner. The door opened and then closed, bringing silence into the house.

For a moment, Kate simply stood still and absorbed what she’d just suggested. She didn’t exactly have a solid plan, and she knew if she did return to SoulState, the harassment would be exponentially worse. All she was certain of was what she felt, and that if she had any chance of putting future plans to work, she’d need to have access to the freighter. And somehow having a friend on the inside made the task seem a little less hopeless.

Kate moved upstairs, changing from her disgusting green blouse into a more comfortable t-shirt before heading out to the boat house. It felt good to be in the sun even though the chill in the air bit her skin. She wrapped her arms around herself as she passed under the trees, noticing that the massive pile of debris had disappeared leaving a conspicuous bare patch by the side of the house where a trail of tire tracks led away from it. She gazed at it as she walked by it, then carefully stepped into the now exposed skeleton of the structure.

Their progress had shocked her every day she saw the house. The dock was gone, the roof had been taken down, and the walls were demolished. Kate stepped carefully over the wooden floorboards which were missing across one part of the room. She leaned sideways to peer into the workshop. “Simo─”

There was a loud crunch, and Kate leapt against the framework as a large panel collapsed from the ceiling and crashed to the floor. Her heart pounded as she brought a hand up to shield herself from the cloud of dust that rushed towards her. The adrenalin that ignited her veins, and the shock of nearly being crushed under such a large portion of the ceiling numbed her to the fact that someone had dropped from the hole above and landed in front of her.

“Kate!” A hand gripped her shoulder. “Kate, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were here. Are you okay?”

She swallowed thickly as the image of dark brown hair and blue eyes registered in her vision. She nodded. “Yeah, sorry. I probably should have said something earlier.”

Seph let out a relieved sigh and moved back from her. A moment later someone else dropped from the ceiling, and Lauren rose next to them. Her eyes were narrowed in worry and her hair was flecked in dust. Kate looked up at the massive hole in the second floor.

“You’re really tearing everything out?” she said. Seph nodded.

“Some of the framework will need to be replaced, but all the load-bearing beams appear to be sound,” he said. “Today should be the last of the demolition. Simon left about an hour ago for the landfill but he should be back soon.”

“The landfill?” Kate looked over her shoulder at the bare patch of earth by the house. “Wait, did you guys rent a truck?”

Seph was silent, and when Kate looked at him, his mouth was pulled in a sideways frown. She dropped her head back and closed her eyes. “For fuck’s sake…”

“It was my idea,” said Seph. “Don’t be angry at Simon.”

“I don’t care whose idea it was,” said Kate. “You stole a truck.”

“We didn’t steal it,” said Seph. He scratched the back of his head so that clumps of dust fell from it. “We just didn’t pay for it.”

“After we got raided because I stole Lauren, you’re going to steal a truck?” said Kate. “And Simon agreed to this?”

Seph stared at her, and Kate saw his LED blink yellow. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“What are you telling him?” she said. Seph’s eyes widened.

“I’m… merely… I’m inquiring about his status,” said Seph. Kate took a step closer to him.

“I swear, if you’re telling him to run for the hills─” Kate stopped as Lauren suddenly stepped between her and Seph, throwing Kate a tense glare with her bright brown eyes. Kate met her gaze, and there was an awkward tension as she debated whether to direct some of her frustration at her. Instead, Kate moved back from her.

“Well.” Kate glanced to the side. “How far away is he?”

Seph continued to gaze at her with wide eyes. Before she could question it, there was the unmistakable rumble of a large vehicle in the distance. She turned towards the sound, noticing the wispy clouds that rose behind a large green garbage truck which crunched along the gravel driveway and passed beneath the parted trees. When it rolled in front of the house and came to a stop, Kate could just make out the distinctive blond hair behind the reflective windows.

She was already moving towards it as the truck let out a last few hisses and then fell silent. She slowed as she neared it, waiting for the door to swing open. It didn’t.

Kate let out a frustrated sigh and moved to the driver’s side door, grabbing a hold of the hand grip and pulling herself up to the window. Simon was staring to the side, one knee brought up so that he was able to rest his foot on the dashboard, his hand clenched on his pant leg. Kate pressed her hand to the panel on the side of the door which blinked red. She looked back up.

“Open the door, Simon,” she said. Simon turned his head away from her although she could see his eyebrows narrow in exasperation. She tapped the window. “Simon.”

Finally, he touched the dashboard panel, and Kate saw a blue line flow down his fingers to reveal the plastic underneath as he interfaced with it. There was a hiss, and the door clicked open.

Kate swung sideways as she pulled the door open all the way and moved partially into the cab. Simon was still looking away from her, and Kate didn’t need to see his LED to know that it was spinning red. She studied his posture for a moment, then reached out to turn his chin. His blue eyes narrowed at the floor, and Kate waited for him to look up at her. When he did, she ran her thumb along his jawline and focused on him.

“It goes back today,” she said. “And you don’t _borrow_ anything else. Understand?”

Simon’s shoulders tensed, and he nodded. Kate lowered her hand, taking a moment to gaze around the cab and collect her thoughts. She looked back at him.

“Well, come on,” she said, readjusting herself away from the door. “I need to talk to you.”

She lowered herself down and stepped away as Simon dropped down next to her. His LED was yellow and he avoided her gaze. With a frustrated groan, Kate grabbed fistfulls of his dusty shirt and pulled him into her, throwing her arms over his shoulders. She held him there until she felt his body relax, and then his arms went around her waist. She closed her eyes and threaded her hands into his blond hair, feeling the flecks of dirt embedded in it. She made a disgusted noise.

“You’re going to need another shower,” she said. Simon breathed a soft laugh into her temple, and Kate felt the satisfying relief of tension easing away. She tightened her arms around him as he smoothed his hands over her back.

“How was your first day at work?” he said.

A dull wail was already leaving her before Kate knew it. She dropped her forehead on his shoulder and clenched her hands into the shoulders of his shirt. “Oh my _god,_ I can’t do it. I can’t do this. Everything is practically written in Latin and I didn’t understand a single word of legal bullshit that they were telling me to proofread. I don’t get why anyone signs anything there because there’s no way a normal human being is going to know what any of it means let alone care enough to actually take the time to read it because the only thing that’s going to do that is an android so I had to basically decipher five contracts and then rewrite the damn things so the humans on the editorial team could know what the fuck they were even writing. I could have put in there that customers agree to having their asses sewn shut and it probably would have passed. It’s utter fucking insanity. I don’t even know where to start. It’s going to kill me. I’ve got a massive fucking headache, I’m starving, and─ what are you doing?” She tilted her head as she felt the familiar buzz of Simon’s fingers on her scalp. She sighed and clutched at his wrist. “Stop that.”

“I just had to be sure.” Simon moved back in front of her and brushed her hair back from her face. “Would you like to do the demolition and I’ll work in the office?”

Kate opened her mouth to retaliate, finding herself locking up as Simon’s mouth pulled in a concerned smile. She let out a desperate breath, dropping her forehead onto Simon’s chest. “I can handle it.”

She felt his lips on the top of her head. “You’re doing great, Kate,” he said into her hair.

Kate snorted. “You’re out here covered in shit and doing the real work while I’m bitching about sitting in an office for a few hours. And I’m going to give you shit for trying to get the job done. I’m fantastic support.”

“You’re doing what I can’t do,” said Simon. “You’re earning money.”

“Somehow it doesn’t feel like the harder part of this agreement,” she said, coughing. She leaned away from him, making a face and lightly swatting at his shirt to beat out the dust. “What did you do, roll around in the garbage truck before you dumped it?”

Simon tilted his head sideways and ruffled the dirt out of his blond hair. He gave her a wide smile. “Have you seen yourself?”

Kate gazed down at her shirt which was now patched in dust. She let out a sigh. “Jesus Christ…” She moved back towards the boat house, beating her shirt clean as Simon followed.

“What did you need to talk to me about?” said Simon as he continued to shake the dirt from his hair. Kate wiped her arms.

“I’m going back to SoulState,” she said, gazing up at the exposed framework. She stopped when she noticed Simon was no longer following her, and she turned around to see him standing frozen and staring at her with narrowed eyes. Kate let out a sigh, and dropped her hands. “I know you don’t like it. I don’t like it either. But I said I was going to tear that place to the ground and I meant it. I have to do this.”

Simon’s expression didn’t change. “What are you going to do?”

Kate ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know yet. Maybe I can dig up something illegal on them to get them shut down. If they’re stealing stuff or making weapons or something. I don’t know, but I’m going to find it.”

Simon lowered his gaze, his eyebrows still narrowed. “It’s not safe there, Kate. And it’s not worth the risk.”

“If you’d seen what they do there, you’d know it’s worth it,” said Kate. “You can’t argue that with me now that we know any android can become a deviant.”

“But they aren’t deviants,” said Simon. “They aren’t like us.”

“They could be,” said Kate.

Simon looked up at her, his expression strained. Then he moved towards her and took her hand. Kate watched as he gazed down at it and smoothed his thumb over her knuckles.

“I don’t know what you saw there,” he said. He looked up at her, and there was a softness in his blue eyes. “But that android you shot wasn’t me. You shot a machine that looked like me. Going back isn’t going to help you forgive yourself for that. You can’t save every android there, and even if you could, we couldn’t hide them here. It’s too dangerous as it is.”

Kate tilted her head to the side, a deep frustration burning within her. “I have to do something.”

“What if they didn’t have to come here?”

Seph’s voice startled Kate, and she turned quickly. Seph had paused in the middle of carrying an armful of debris to the garbage truck, his face drawn in focus. He looked between Simon and Kate.

“What if we went to them?” said Seph. “Like you said, we can’t be sure if they’re all machines. But if they had rA9, they would deviate.”

Kate stared at him. Simon let go of Kate’s hand. “I don’t think you know what you’re suggesting,” he said.

“I’m suggesting we give the androids the ability to resist,” said Seph. He leaned forward to drop the armful of broken wood onto the ground in front of him. “A thousand deviants are going to be harder to control than a thousand machines.”

“RA9 is too unpredictable,” said Simon. “We still don’t understand how it works, or how deviation works for that matter.”

“What is there to understand besides that it allows androids to think and decide for themselves?” said Seph. “The androids at SoulState need that more than anything else. They’ve suffered enough.”

“It could mean a thousand deviant androids set on revenge,” said Simon. “There’s no telling what they would choose to do given what’s been done to them.”

“It doesn’t have to be all of them,” said Kate. She looked between Simon and Seph as they both gazed at her. “We could start small. A few androids at a time. I could help them get out and then they can do what they want from there. Hell, we’d even have room here to hide them until they know what they want to do. It’s a lot less conspicuous for a few androids to disappear at a time instead of all of them at once.”

Seph was looking at her, his face lit in eagerness. “Do you think you could do it?”

“I don’t know,” said Kate. “We have to try first.”

“You would be taking a massive risk every time,” said Simon. “You would have to go there frequently, and hide what you’re doing. If someone were to find out…”

“Well two of them already know what I want to do,” said Kate. “Seriously, they just see me as the weird freak who likes androids. It’s not going to be very suspicious if the weird android freak is always hanging out with the androids.”

Simon’s blond eyebrows narrowed as he gazed at her. “It’s not safe for you there.”

“I can take care of myself. I know what I’m up against now. I just need a way to give them rA9.”

“I could give it to them,” said Seph. Kate looked at him, and he straightened. “I did it once. I could do it again.”

“Seph, that’s too dangerous,” said Simon.

“Show them.”

The quiet voice caught Kate off guard, and she turned. Lauren was standing at the edge of the room, her brown eyes locked on Seph. Her face was drawn and fierce. “Show them what you showed me,” said Lauren. “And what I showed you. They’ll listen.”

Kate heard Simon breath out in exasperation. When she looked at him, his eyes were bright with worry. He shook his head. “Please don’t do this.”

Kate reached up and brushed the loose strands of his blond hair back from his forehead. When he looked back up at her, his expression hadn’t changed. Kate gazed at him for a moment and felt her resolve strengthen. She turned slightly to acknowledge Seph without taking her eyes off of Simon. “There’s a rally in four days. I need to talk to a friend and I’ll get back into SoulState before then.”

“You can trust these friends of yours?” said Seph. Kate shrugged.

“Not really,” she said. “But they’re not stopping me. And they don’t need to know what I’m really up to if they think I’m just the idiot with an android boyfriend.”

Seph gripped his chin and stared down at the floor, his LED spinning yellow. “Let me know when you are able to go.”

“I’ll ask Luke about it tonight,” said Kate. “If I can get Taylor to talk to me.”

Simon was gazing to the side now, his eyes tensed in deep frustration and his LED burning red. Kate let out a sigh, and she touched Simon’s shoulder as she looked back at Seph.

“In the meantime, would you please get rid of the stolen truck?” she said, pulling Simon with her towards the stripped doorway.

“It’s not stolen,” said Seph. He glanced at Lauren as she lightly smacked his arm and gave him an accusing glare. “We’re going to return it.”

“You took it without paying for it. That’s called stealing.” Kate gripped Simon’s hand in hers as she dragged him towards the trees. She could hear Seph and Lauren speaking quietly between themselves, growing more muffled with the distance. When they reached the trees, she finally let go of Simon’s hand and turned to him, but he moved past her towards the open grass. His face was still drawn in concern, his LED flashing between red and yellow. Kate followed him quietly, feeling apprehension tug at her nerves.

He stopped at the rise in the rolling grass, his head bowed. Kate moved next to him, running a hand through her hair.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she said. “You don’t want me to go, it’s dangerous, last time sucked, I don’t know what I’m getting myself into, it’s not worth it. There. I just saved us a whole bunch of pointless arguing.”

Simon was silent. Kate moved in a slow circle, brushing her foot against the puffy sphere of a dandelion which broke into pieces and floated away in the wind. As she watched them drift in the air, there was a light shuffle next to her. She turned to see that Simon had lowered himself down to rest on his back, his hands on his chest and his blue eyes watching up at the sky. He didn’t acknowledge her, and Kate couldn’t help the bitter remorse that swept through her. With a heavy sigh, she moved next to him and sat down in the grass before leaning back to lay on the grass with him. For a while, she stared up in silence at the drifting clouds across the deep blue sky. It was an unnerving sense of motion, giving the impression that it was really the world that was moving, and that she was facing an endless space in front of her.

“I can’t stop you from going,” said Simon. Kate’s attention snapped back to him, rooting her onto solid ground again. “I would never force you to do anything. I want you to know that.”

Kate tilted her head slightly in his direction. “But.”

Simon breathed out. “But I can’t stand aside while you put yourself in harm’s way. I know what I don’t want, and I know I can’t do anything about it. It feels… helpless.”

Kate stared up at the sky, watching the geometry of the clouds morph. “Then maybe you should help me,” she said. She heard him shift, and she looked next to her to see that Simon was gazing at her narrowed eyes. She adjusted herself. “You don’t have to like it. But if you want to help, then help me. Stop hiding and always having one foot out the door because you’re ready to run. I don’t want to just sit here and wait for harm to come our way. Shit like what happened last week is going to happen no matter what. The only question is if we’re going to go down like victims or go down fighting. And maybe we don’t have to go down at all.”

“Running head-first into danger doesn’t seem like a wise choice,” said Simon.

“You told me to when the cops came,” said Kate. “And look at us now.”

Simon’s shoulders fell, and he dropped his gaze. He turned and looked back up at the sky. “We had no choice then.”

“We do now,” said Kate. “I’m choosing to do something about it instead of hiding. For Christ’s sake, Simon, you’re alive. Seph, Lauren, and Clark are alive. What’s the point in living if you have to pretend you aren’t?”

Simon looked back up at her. “What’s the point in living if we’re not able to enjoy being alive?”

Kate felt a morbid energy fall over her as she stared at him. She shrugged. “You’re not enjoying life?”

Simon opened his mouth, his LED flashing yellow, then he let out a sigh and looked up at the sky again. Kate settled back into the grass, watching the blue expanse above her. It was difficult not to give Simon’s words so much weight. There was something about it that struck a part of her that she had once been very comfortable with. She could feel it pulling at her, urging her to fall back into the place where she’d felt so safe. It was the same material that she used to build the walls in her mind. Somehow, using that same material to bring them down felt so much more powerful. So much more free. She wanted to see how far that freedom would take her.

Simon made a noise next to her, and she glanced at him. He cast a look to her before gazing back at the sky, and she saw the corner of his mouth tick up. He made the noise again, and it took her a moment to realize he was humming.

He rolled his shoulder slightly. “From underneath the trees,” he sang. “We watch the sky, confusing stars for satellites.”

He was quiet, the gentle roll of the wind passing over the grass to create a soft hush. Kate closed her eyes and let out a breath. “I never dreamed that you’d be mine. But here we are. We’re here tonight.”

“Singing amen, I─ I’m alive.” Simon’s voice gained strength, and Kate found herself smiling at the energy of it. “I’m alive. Singing amen, I─ I’m alive…”

Kate was singing along with him. “If everyone cared, and nobody cried. If everyone loved, and nobody lied. If everyone shared, and swallowed their pride, we’d see the day when nobody died.”

Simon’s tune was much more solid than Kate’s, and she couldn’t help but suspect it had less to do with the fact that he was an android and more that he was trying to convince himself of something. She didn’t know what it was, but it felt good. And she let the sound of his voice carry her own as they finished singing to the sky.

They were quiet afterwards, a strange breathlessness falling over them. Kate bit her lip, somewhat dazed that she allowed herself to let go in that way. There were so many things she was still surprising herself with. So many things she thought she could expect but was never ready for. Somehow, it helped give her a deeper understanding of what Simon had been saying. It filled her with a sense of finality, and she began to feel more cautious about what she was planning to do.

Simon tilted his head in her direction. “If you really need to do this, Kate…”

Kate nodded without looking at him. “I do.”

Simon looked back up at the sky, and Kate could see his shoulders tense. “Then I’ll help you. But I want to help you in a way that will make me feel useful.”

Kate narrowed her eyes. “What way is that?”

“I want to go with Seph to SoulState,” said Simon. Kate looked up at him and he met her gaze, his blue eyes lit in focus. “I can’t stop you from going. But I can’t stay here knowing you and Seph are in danger. Seph can deliver rA9. My priority is you. If that’s not what you want, then I won’t go. All you have to do is tell me.”

Kate watched him carefully, a numbness rising through her. She fought back a whole host of reasons for wanting to tell him to stay. She couldn’t now. Not after how adamantly she’d argued for going back. Instead, she drew in a deep breath. “Is this really what you want?”

Simon nodded. “As opposed to the alternative.”

Kate lowered her gaze, feeling the numbness turn into a mild dread. Then she closed her eyes, drawing up her strength and fighting it back. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke really kicked my ass in this chapter. I'm over here on this end of the keyboard swooning and fanning myself while he pops his collar and does his Luke-thing, and Kate is just not having it. Every time I think she's going to think to herself "huh, this guy is actually kind of hot" she nopes the fuck off. Which I commend her for. She's got a hell of a lot more self control than I do. Which when I think about it isn't much.


End file.
